The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

2025 Pigskin Picks of Profundity…Week 14

It seems that we have arrived at Rivalry Week in college football, atleast the ones left standing after realignment. Most of these games, both college & pro, are happening on Thanksgiving Day & Black Friday, with a couple of huge battles taking center stage on Saturday. I am old enough to remember when only two NFL games…one featuring the Dallas Cowboys and the other with the Detroit Lions…took place on the holiday, but now we’re getting three Thanksgiving pro games and a game on Black Friday, in addition to a half dozen rather entertaining college games. No complaints here. Turkey & stuffing, football, Christmas movies, pie, and a whole lot of football sounds like a great time to me.

Observations from Last Week:

  • Unsportsmanlike conduct on the college level & roughing the passer in the NFL are two of the most ridiculously applied penalties, and that needs to be addressed in the offseason.
  • Why is it a Two Minute Warning in the NFL, but the Two Minute Timeout in college?? Is it a proprietary thing, or are college kids deemed too delicate for an ominous warning?? 
  • When I was a kid and announcers would mention “field goal range”, I thought that meant that the offense was required to make it to a certain area of the field before they were allowed to attempt a FG. I didn’t realize that…theoretically…a field goal can be tried from anywhere, though obviously it is unwise to do so.
  • So…JJ McCarthy is a bust. Alrighty then 🤦🏻‍♂️.
  • I can’t help but wonder what the Steelers offense might’ve looked like with Jameis Winston playing quarterback.

My Season: 42-35

Zach’s Season: 34-43

Ole Miss (-8.5) at Mississippi State 

The conversation surrounding the 122nd Egg Bowl has been dominated by the future of Lane Kiffin, who might be headed for allegedly greener pastures following his sixth season in Oxford. The 10-1 Rebels need help to reach the SEC title game even if they win, but a loss obviously knocks them out. The 5-6 Bulldogs must win to become bowl eligible. Ole Miss leads the series 66-46-6 and have won 4 of the past 5 meetings. I don’t see that changing this year, and though the points do give me pause, I think the favorites win by ten. Zach concurs.

My Pick: Ole Miss 

Zach’s Pick: Ole Miss 

Iowa (-4.5) at Nebraska

This is a relatively new and decidedly intermittent “rivalry”. The teams have done battle on the gridiron 55 times since 1891, but after Nebraska joined the Big Ten in 2011 it has become an annual Black Friday tradition. Both teams are 7-4, and though they’re not in the conference championship conversation, they’d love to finish strong and travel to a great bowl location. It feels like a tossup to me, so I’m riding with the Huskers at home to score a mild upset. Conversely, Zach foresees Iowa slowing the tempo & dominating time of possession en route to a victory.

My Pick: Nebraska 

Zach’s Pick: Iowa

Utah (-13.5) at Kansas

The 9-2 Utes need ALOT of help to back into the Big 12 title game, which seems unlikely. However, the first order of business is to win. That won’t be easy against the 5-6 Jayhawks, who have shown flashes of potential this season but find themselves in a must win scenario to achieve bowl eligibility. I’m not bold enough to pick an upset outright, but I do believe it’ll be closer than two touchdowns. Zach just thinks Utah is the better team. He predicts Kansas will remain competitive thru the first half before the visitors take over and win comfortably.

My Pick: Kansas

Zach’s Pick: Utah

Georgia (-12.5) vs. Georgia Tech

This is theoretically a neutral site game in Atlanta, although Tech’s campus is literally two miles down the road, whereas Athen, GA (home of the Bulldogs) is about 70 miles away. After getting to 8-0 and looking like a sure thing to play for the ACC title, the Yellow Jackets have lost two of their last three games and find themselves on the outside looking in unless a whole bunch of dominoes fall the right way. Conversely, the 10-1 Bulldogs only need Alabama OR Texas A&M to lose to secure a spot in the SEC Championship, which seems plausible. They call this game “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate”, which might be the dumbest freakin’ rivalry name I’ve ever heard. Anyway, Georgia leads the series 72-41-5 and has won seven consecutive matchups. I don’t think that’ll change this year, and I believe it’ll be a rather decisive victory. Zach agrees.

My Pick: Georgia

Zach’s Pick: Georgia

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Texas

Forgive me if I’ve mentioned it in previous years, but I always associate this game with the 1982 Burt Reynolds/Dolly Parton classic The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, in which the winning team is rewarded with a visit to The Chicken Ranch. In case you’re unfamiliar with the movie, though there are plenty of legs, thighs, and breasts, there are absolutely no chickens in sight. At any rate, the Aggies are undefeated and have probably locked up a spot in the CFP, but they need to win to guarantee an SEC Championship appearance, otherwise there’s a chance they could miss out. The 8-3 Longhorns haven’t been as successful as they’d hoped entering the season, but are still clinging to slim hopes of a CFP bid. The game being played in Austin concerns me just a bit, but I’m pulling for A&M to come out on top in an all time classic. Zach views the Aggies as well coached and likes QB Marcel Reed. He thinks Texas has shown improvement, but it won’t matter this week.

My Pick: Texas A&M

Zach’s Pick: Texas A&M

Arizona (-1.5) at Arizona State

The 8-3 Sun Devils still have an opportunity to play for the Big 12 title, but they need a couple other teams to lose. The Wildcats are also 8-3 but aren’t in championship contention. They should receive a fun bowl bid though. It is alternatively called the Duel in the Desert (👍🏻) or the Territorial Cup (👀), and there have been 98 previous meetings dating back to 1899. Arizona leads the series 51-45-1, although State has won six of the last eight games. These two teams feel even enough that the home field plays a role, so I am picking the mild upset. Zach thinks Arizona is the hotter team right now so he’s riding that hot hand.

My Pick: Arizona State

Zach’s Pick: Arizona 

Alabama (-6.5) at Auburn 

To be honest, I didn’t originally plan for us to pick this many games, and considered skipping the 90th Iron Bowl. However, despite the fact that ‘Bama has won the past five meetings and Auburn isn’t very good, I just couldn’t do it. The 5-6 Tigers have to win to achieve bowl eligibility, while the 9-2 Tide haven’t locked in a playoff berth just yet. The Tide has rolled to an all time series lead of 51-37-1 dating back to 1893. I would LOVE to see an upset, although I’m not dumb enough to put money on it. However, I think it is very possible that we see a close contest decided by a field goal in the final minute. Zach has faith in the visiting favorites to dominate in the 4th quarter when it matters most.

My Pick: Auburn

Zach’s Pick: Alabama 

Ohio State (-12.5) at Michigan

In my humble opinion, this is THE greatest rivalry…certainly in college football, and perhaps in the entirety of sports. Simply known as The Game, it has been played 120 times since 1897, with Michigan leading the series 62-51-6. Michigan has been victorious the past four years after Ohio St. had won eight consecutive meetings from 2012-19. Unless you’ve been off the grid for awhile you’re aware that the unbeaten Buckeyes have been the #1 team in the country all season. The Wolverines are a rather low key 9-2, with unfortunate losses on the road at Oklahoma & USC eradicating their conference title aspirations. I’d be quite surprised by an Ohio St. loss, but the points scare me, and the status of injured receivers Jeremiah Smith & Carnell Tate remains up in the air. If those dudes play the favorites win comfortably, but if they don’t then the outcome becomes questionable. I will roll the dice on both players being available. Unsurprisingly, Zach is all Blue all the time and has no respect for Ohio St.’s weak schedule.

My Pick: Ohio St.

Zach’s Pick: Michigan 

Green Bay at Detroit (-2.5)

Though it might be an NFC title preview, right now it is a battle for the division crown. The Packers sit a half game behind Chicago, while the Lions are a half game behind Green Bay. The Bears are receiving alot of love at the moment, but I still believe these two teams will surpass them. Green Bay won the season opener at Lambeau, but I think we’ll see a different result this time, with the RB tandem of Jahmyr Gibbs & David Montgomery helping Detroit grind their way to an important win. Zach agrees.

My Pick: Detroit

Zach’s Pick: Detroit

Kansas City (-3.5) at Dallas

The 6-5 Chiefs saved their season…for the moment…with an overtime win over Indianapolis, but the path doesn’t become easier. The 5-5-1 Cowboys also kept their head above water with a surprising victory over Philadelphia. So, once more unto the breach go two teams that had higher expectations yet find themselves scratching & clawing to avoid irrelevance. I wouldn’t be shocked if both eventually make it to the postseason, but neither will I be surprised if both are sitting at home during the playoffs. This game might be better than sweet potatoes & cranberry sauce, and I believe in KC to continue their climb out of the abyss. Zach, on the other hand, feels like Dallas has the momentum and will continue to improve.

My Pick: Kansas City

Zach’s Pick: Dallas

Cincinnati at Baltimore (-7)

Anyone with a brain knew that the Ravens weren’t done, despite beginning the season 1-5. Now, after five straight victories (and because the Steelers are mid at best), Baltimore sits atop the AFC North. Meanwhile, the 3-8 Bengals will have QB Joe Burrow back in the saddle for the first time since he injured his toe way back in September. There’s no way Cincy climbs back into playoff contention, but they will undoubtedly be better with their starting quarterback. This is the nightcap on Thanksgiving, and I’ll probably be watching Christmas movies. I would love to see an upset, but unfortunately that seems unlikely. Zach is a bit more hopeful, as he thinks the Bengals can come out on top in a shootout.

My Pick: Baltimore

Zach’s Pick: Cincinnati 

Chicago at Philadelphia (-7)

I have absolutely zero interest in Black Friday shopping, but even if I did I believe the way that whole thing works is the stores open obscenely early, and all the wackos who actually enjoy the insanity are finished and home by noon. So if you are participating you should still be able to catch the 3pm kickoff…if you have Prime Video. Anyway, it’s a great matchup featuring the 8-3 Bears, winners of four in a row, including a gritty skirmish with my offensively challenged Steelers, against the 8-3 Eagles, who still hold an overwhelming division lead despite forgetting to show up during the second half in their recent loss to the Cowboys. I may be proven wrong, but I’m still not sold on the Bears & QB Caleb Williams. Conversely, Philly’s track record speaks for itself, and it’s way too early to disregard their chance to be repeat champions. Zach believes the Bears just might be for real, and he predicts they’ll find a way to win a close one.

My Pick: Philadelphia

Zach’s Pick: Chicago

80’s Movie Mania: Tubular Round 1

Welcome back to 80’s Movie Mania!! Unfortunately I’m still not getting the interactive response I’d hoped for, so I am forced to make decisions on the polls I posted for the first round of the Bodacious Division. To that end: Weekend at Bernie’s conquers Bachelor Party, Cocktail beats Stripes, and Iron Eagle defeats An Officer & A Gentleman. Now we move on to first round matchups in the Tubular Division. I am persistent so there will be more polls. Please vote. Enjoy!!

 

 

 

Tubular – Round 1

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure   vs.   History of the World Part I
btdThis is a matchup for all you history buffs!! Bill and Ted are two California stoners destined to do great History-of-the-World-Part-1-mel-brooksthings in the future…if only they can pass their high school history exam. To help them in their 1989 epic adventure George Carlin travels back in time in a phone booth and introduces the two mindless teens to historical figures like Billy the Kid, Napoleon Bonaparte, Socrates, Sigmund Freud, Beethoven, & Abraham Lincoln. As you might imagine it’s a pretty funny trip thru the ol’ space-time continuum. A sequel came out a couple of years later but it lacks the magic of the original. The 1981 epic History of the World Part 1 is written, produced, & directed by the legendary Mel Brooks. It is comprised of short segments parodying events set in The Stone Age, The Old Testament Biblical era, The Roman Empire, The Spanish Inquisition, & The French Revolution and stars some pretty big names like Orson Welles (who narrates), Dom Deluise, Sid Caesar, Shecky Greene, Harvey Korman, Bea Arthur, Cloris Leachman, & Brooks himself. The humor is kind of old school vaudeville mixed with Americanized Python-esque zaniness…and it works.

The Verdict: Okay Manoverse…I’m giving you another shot here. Can we get atleast 10 votes on this one??

 

 

 
WarGames   vs.   The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
wargamesWhat would happen if a precocious teenage computer hacker inadvertently started World War III?? best-little-whorehouse-texas-dolly1983’s WarGames addresses that idea. It was the first starring role for both Matthew Broderick & Ally Sheedy and is a fun, entertaining, vaguely conceivable, well written thrill ride. 1982’s The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is based on a Tony Award winning Broadway musical and stars Dolly Parton as the madam of a brothel whose…activities…are largely ignored because the madam is in a relationship with the local sheriff, portrayed by Burt Reynolds (still one of the biggest actors in the world at the time). Things get riotously complicated when a Springer-esque talk show host portrayed by Dom Deluise decides to expose the “chicken ranch”.

The Verdict: WarGames. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is an amusing yet forgettably frivolous comedy we recall only because of its above average cast. WarGames is really well done, taking a heavy subject and spinning it into enjoyable entertainment.

 

 

Scarface   vs.   License to Drive
scarface1Al Pacino is still one of the best actors in the world and has been for over four decades, with 1983’s coreysScarface being one of his most treasured films. Pacino stars as Cuban drug lord Tony Montana in a violent story about cocaine & organized crime that was written by the infamous Oliver Stone and helmed by heralded director Brian DePalma. License to Drive is a 1988 comedy starring The Coreys…Haim & Feldman…about a 16 year old kid who takes his grandfather’s vehicle out for some misadventures despite having failed his driving test. The cast also includes Carol Kane, Heather Graham, & One Day at a Time’s Richard Masur.

The Verdict: Scarface. It isn’t necessarily my cup of tea, but considering the competition this is a no brainer. Even The Coreys made better movies than License to Drive.

 

 
Three Amigos!   vs.   European Vacation
Three-AmigosIt’s Chevy Chase vs. Chevy Chase!! In 1986’s Three Amigos! Chase co-stars with Steve Martin & Martin euroShort as dimwitted silent film actors in the early 20th century who inadvertently become involved in a battle against a bandito who is terrorizing a small Mexican village. They think they have been recruited to simply put on a show, but the young senorita who has enlisted their help mistakenly believes they are genuine heroes that can save her neighborhood. Hilarity ensues. Three Amigos! has never won any awards, but it is a quirky showcase for the inimitable talents of a trio of comedy legends. European Vacation is a 1985 follow-up to the original Vacation wherein the wacky Griswold clan wins an all-expenses paid tour of Europe on a goofy game show. As usual things go horribly yet hilariously wrong for Clark, Ellen, Rusty, & Audrey. It isn’t as funny as the first film or 1989’s Christmas Vacation, but European Vacation has its charms and upon further review is better than the first impression it might have left back in the day.

The Verdict: This one is in your hands too Manoverse. I’m counting on you!!

 

 

 
Three Men & A Baby   vs.   La Bamba
3menOnce again we have a trio of big name co-stars…in this case Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, & Steve Guttenberg. labambaThree Men & A Baby was the highest grossing film of 1987, beating out the likes of Fatal Attraction, Good Morning Vietnam, Moonstruck, The Untouchables, Dirty Dancing, Lethal Weapon, and Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. The story finds three NY City bachelors suddenly tasked with taking care of an infant that one of them has fathered. The men have no clue what they are doing and therein lies the comedy. The film was directed by Star Trek’s Leonard Nimoy and was followed a few years later by an unremarkable sequel. Word on the street is that a third film…three decades after the original…is in the works. La Bamba was also made in 1987 and is a biopic of Richie Valens, a Latino rocker in the 1950’s who had a few big hits before his life was cut short on The Day the Music Died in a plane crash that also killed Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper. La Bamba has an awesome soundtrack and Lou Diamond Phillips is mesmerizing as Valens.

The Verdict: 1987 was a really good year in film!! I’m also leaving this one up to y’all. Let’s get those votes in!!

 

 

 

Porky’s   vs.   Mr. Mom
porkys1982’s Porky’s is the quintessential teen sex comedy. Actually it is a forefather to movies like Superbad, mrmomRoad Trip, & American Pie in a genre that keeps on keepin’ on with decidedly uneven results. Porky’s is set in the 1950’s and has a group of Florida high schoolers on the typical quest to lose their virginity, ticking off a local nightclub owner in the process. There are no big stars in the film, but it was directed by Bob Clark, who would use the success of Porky’s to launch his passion project…a little ditty called A Christmas Story. You may have heard of it. 1983’s Mr. Mom is amongst the early works of Michael Keaton, still one of the most underrated actors out there to this day. Keaton co-stars with the lovely Teri Garr as an engineer downsized from Ford Motor Company who becomes a stay-at-home Dad while Mom re-enters the work force at an ad agency. It is Keaton at his funniest.

The Verdict: Mr. Mom. The basic plot of Porky’s has been done better in other films. Meanwhile, Mr. Mom is an oft overlooked gem that really showcases Keaton’s comedic talent.

 

 

Moonstruck   vs.   Flashdance
moonstruckI have long opined that Cher is a much better actress than singer, and the 1987 rom-com Moonstruck is flashdanceone of her more memorable performances, earning her an Oscar for Best Actress. Olympia Dukakis won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress and the movie itself was nominated for Best Picture, losing out to The Last Emperor, which also beat out Broadcast News and Fatal Attraction…a prime example of the folly and apparent crack smoking prowess of Oscar voters. At any rate, the real gem in Moonstruck is Nicolas Cage as a man who falls head over heels in love with his soon-to-be sister-in-law. 1983’s Flashdance tells the story of a female steelworker/stripper in Pittsburgh who wants to be a professional dancer. She becomes romantically involved with her boss (from the steel mill…not the nudie bar) and has to overcome feelings of inadequacy to chase her dream.

The Verdict: Moonstruck. I feel like Flashdance is remembered more for its soundtrack than for the movie itself. Meanwhile, the pedigree of Moonstruck cannot be denied.