Sammy Hagar

What Is Understood Need Not Be Discussed

“Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory.” ―Percy Bysshe Shelley

 

 

I’m not a listener of Howard Stern’s radio show, but I do follow him on Instagram and have seen bits & pieces of his recent interview with Wolfgang Van Halen. Following that interview young Wolfgang released a poignant video tribute to his father, and that is the kick in the pants I needed to proceed with my own eulogy, something that has been on my mind for weeks, but y’all know how I get. I really thought I’d be much more prolific in the midst of a global pandemic, but instead I’ve gone in the opposite direction, not reading or writing nearly as much as I should have the past several months.  

 

At any rate… We lost Eddie Van Halen several weeks ago, and as I have done in the past with Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, & Glenn Frey I feel it necessary to do a bit more than just note his passing in the RIP portion of The Sammy Awards. Hero worship isn’t my cup o’ tea for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that so many creative geniuses…actors, writers, musicians…are flawed human beings just like any other person. However, as I’ve grown older I’ve learned to have mercy and overlook such things, choosing instead to focus on the talent and an individual’s contribution to the world. The cool thing about these folks is that they leave a legacy the rest of us can enjoy forever. We read books written by people that died centuries ago. There are movies & TV shows whose entire cast has been gone for decades, yet we still watch. Music may go in & out of style, constantly evolving thru the years…but for most of us, once we become fans of a particular band, performer, or genre, we are fans for life. Personally, though I am openminded and occasionally hear new stuff that I enjoy, when I settle in with my ear buds & Amazon Music app (as if Bezos needs a free plug) I almost always end up chillin’ out with tunes I’ve listened to countless times over many years…and I’m okay with that.  

 

I don’t remember exactly when I became a Van Halen fan, but it was probably when I was about 12 years old and their mega hit album 1984 hit the shelves of my local record store. MTV was still fresh & fun and actually aired music videos, and everyone remembers David Lee Roth doing air splits in spandex pants. Jump was and always will be Van Halen’s signature song, but they were so much more than that. They were bigger than Roth, who thought he was good enough to go solo not all that long after the success of 1984. He was wrong, because he didn’t understand what all of us eventually came to realize…the core of Van Halen was Eddie himself. To be honest I enjoyed the second incarnation of Van Halen even better because Sammy Hagar is a much more talented vocalist than Roth. I hate the fact that Eddie & Sammy had a falling out, but I appreciate the fact that they made peace months before Eddie’s death. Still, it pains me to think of the two+ decades of fantastic music we missed out on.  

 

I was blessed to see Van Halen on their Balance tour shortly after I graduated college. I’ve heard many of my contemporaries jokingly say that they’re glad social media wasn’t around back then to capture some of our more unsavory exploits, and I understand the sentiment. However, I wish I had more photos & videos of such fun times. The magic of The Internet allows me to know that Van Halen played at The Charleston (WV) Civic Center on Sunday April 23, 1995 (the same day Howard Cosell died). They opened with The Seventh Seal (which is the fifth best song from the Balance album at best), closed with Right Now, and played a two song encore of Don’t Tell Me What Love Can Do and Panama. They didn’t even perform Jump. It’s hard to believe that night was more than 25 years ago, and I would love to have pics & videos of it, but sadly it lives on only in my memory. I may not have gotten to see Van Halen at their peak, but I’m so thankful I got to see them in concert. History tells us that the band would break up shortly thereafter. Van Halen brought in Gary Cherone to sing on one album, but it just didn’t work out. Cherone is a fine performer, and I don’t hate Van Halen III, but Hagar’s departure and the years that followed were all products of Eddie’s “demons”. Van Halen reunited with Roth, then with Hagar, then with Roth again, but most fans acknowledge that, for all intents & purposes, Balance was pretty much the end of the road. The band never produced anything noteworthy afterward, although what they gave us in those first two decades is more than enough, and thank God for that.  

 

In keeping with the general premise of Superfluous 7 I have decided to offer up…in no particular order…my favorite Van Halen songs. But since the band’s legendary career is almost always thought of in two distinct eras I have decided to present seven Roth tunes and seven Hagar tunes. What they all have in common is Eddie…in my opinion the best rock guitarist of all time. Just click on the song & listen to…..        

 

 

from the home office in Amsterdam, Netherlands…..

 

 

The (Supersized) Superfluous 7 Favorite Van Halen Songs:

 

 

Roth Era

Jump

Panama

Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love

I’ll Wait

Dance the Night Away

Unchained

You Really Got Me

 

Hagar Era

Best of Both Worlds

Dreams

5150

When It’s Love

Not Enough

Take Me Back (Deja Vu)

Why Can’t This Be Love

 

The 30 Day Song Challenge – Part 2

“If I were not a physicist I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.” ― Albert Einstein

 

 

Y’all may have noticed that I hadn’t written anything in this space for a few months until now. I don’t put a lot of my business out there to the masses for many reasons, not the least of which is I don’t expect pity from anyone. However, let me just say that I’m going thru a rough time at the moment and will be on the proverbial shelf until well into the autumn. I have no doubt that I will heal physically, despite many misgivings about my medical care and lack of trust in caregiving personnel. The bigger battle is mental & emotional. I must admit that my faith is shaken and I’ve been questioning many of my beliefs. Having said that, I am fortunate to have access to technology, so with the helpful distraction of movies, TV, books, & social media, life affirming therapy of music, and the catharsis of writing perhaps I can muddle thru without descending into madness. If you haven’t perused Part 1 of this list please do so now. We’ll leave the light on for you.

 

 

 

 

 

16     A song that’s a classic favorite…

The Sky is Crying (Stevie Ray Vaughan)

I have to tell y’all, I’ve had a really difficult time with this one. What is meant by classic?? Classic(al)?? Classic rock?? An old familiar standard?? I have no idea. So, when in doubt I make my own rules. In this case I’m going to interpret the instruction as anything older than 25 years, which still leaves a lot of grey area. I began to think of all my favorite performers and eliminating those who’ve already snagged a spot here, which narrows things down a bit. It occurs to me that my affection for jazz & blues is vastly underrepresented, and we can’t have that. Elmore James first recorded The Sky is Crying in 1959, and since then it has been covered by a plethora of legendary artists, including Eric Clapton, Albert King, & George Thorogood. However, my favorite version was recorded in 1984 by Stevie Ray Vaughan, and SRV’s untimely demise in 1990 at the age of 35 makes it even more poignant.

 

 

17     A song that you’d sing a duet with someone at karaoke…

Islands in the Stream (Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton)

There is a gal. It’s a total fantasy because she’s way out of my league, but I do know she can sing, so never say never. I don’t even know her all that well, but I do know she’s so much more than a pretty face…she’s smart, talented, passionate about her beliefs, dedicated to her family & her job, has been thru trials & pain only to retain the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, and seeks to make the world a better place. How can one not be robustly impressed by all that?? At any rate, Kenny Rogers passed away not long ago and I began to revisit some of his stuff. I’d forgotten how good this song is and have been grooving to it occasionally. It was written by the Bee Gees for Marvin Gaye, but for some reason that didn’t work out, so Rogers & Parton recorded it and score a #1 hit in 1983. The title is borrowed from a 1970 Ernest Hemingway novel.

 

 

18     A song from the year you were born…

Peaceful Easy Feeling & Take It Easy (The Eagles)

I just can’t choose one over the other. Actually there are probably a dozen songs I could have picked…it was that great of a year (in music – not just because I was born), but The Eagles are one of my favorite groups of all time, and I really enjoy both tunes.

 

 

19     A song that makes you think about life…

Simple Man (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

I lost my Mom twenty years ago, so it touches my heart to hear a guy singing about advice his mother once gave him. It’s good counsel too: take your time, trouble will pass, God, the love of a good woman, live simply. It really is a brilliant song.

 

 

20     A song that has many meanings to you…

Born in the USA (Bruce Springsteen)

Springsteen is a died-in-the-wool leftist who I probably wouldn’t agree with on much, and he meant the song as an anti-war anthem. Much to his dismay (I assume) it has been hijacked as a patriotic call-to-arms. I was in college during The Gulf War, and I recall a bunch of commies holding a demonstration complete with fake blood (amateurs). I was young & enthusiastic and joined a group of patriotic counter-protesters shouting “USA!! USA!!”. Then my friend Doug showed up waving a huge American flag with…you guessed it…Born in the USA blaring out of his car stereo. I’m at the point in my life now where I have zero desire to protest anything, but damn that’s a great memory.

 

 

21     A song you like with a person’s name in the title…

My Cherie Amour (Stevie Wonder)

I’ve recently rediscovered Stevie Wonder and really appreciate his pipes. There are tons of songs with a person’s name in the title, but Cherie is a rather unique name and the song is fantastic.

 

 

22     A song that moves you forward…

Don’t Look Back (Boston)

Moving forward is a rather vague phrase, right?? On top of that, I have felt like I am treading water for more years than I care to admit, so I’ve chosen to look at the instruction almost literally, invoking its spirit even if I haven’t exactly followed thru in my own life. I had an opportunity to see Boston in concert right after I graduated from college, and it’s a memory I cherish.

 

 

23     A song you think everyone should listen to…

The Saga Begins (Weird Al Yankovic)

I’m a fan of parody songs and Weird Al is the master. The Star Wars prequel trilogy is something many movie fans would prefer to forget, but atleast it gave us this tune…one of Yankovic’s best in my opinion.

 

 

24     A song by a band you wish were still together…

When It’s Love (Van Halen)

I got to see Van Halen on their Balance tour in the mid-90’s, not too long before Sammy Hagar & the brothers Van Halen had a falling out. More than two decades later we’re still waiting for a reunion that seems more & more unlikely. There are atleast a dozen hits by the band that could go in this slot, but this is probably my favorite.

 

 

25     A song you like by an artist who is no longer living…

Ain’t That a Kick in the Head (Dean Martin)

I love The Rat Pack and would have enjoyed seeing them in The Copa Room at The Sands in Vegas back in the day. Perhaps I was just born in the wrong era. Anyway, I have to give some love to Dino and one of his more upbeat tunes.

 

 

26     A song that makes you want to fall in love…

Everything (Michael Buble)

I have to give a shout out to my former co-worker JZ for introducing me to…as I call him…Michael Bubbly many years ago. She knew of my fondness for Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., et al, and Buble first came to prominence by re-introducing the masses to that kind of music. Everything was a #1 adult contemporary hit in 2008. I hope to meet a woman that fits the song someday.

 

 

27     A song that breaks your heart…

Angel Flying to Close to the Ground (Willie Nelson)

My father used to listen to country music when I was a child, and it was vastly different than what is presented as country music today. I’m not a fan of either incarnation, and classic country is kind of what gave the genre it’s bad reputation for being all about things like death, divorce, & other depressing topics. But say what you want about songs by Merle Haggard, George Jones, Loretta Lynn, & Johnny Cash…atleast they had a soul and told stories, unlike today’s cookie cutter pretty boys who only know how to sing about drinking beer and chasing women. At any rate, I have to give credit to my old friend The Owl for introducing me to this song. He lived it and felt it in his bones. It’s a beautiful tune about a guy rescuing a damsel in distress only to have her leave him for someone else. It might be the most true-to-life song ever written.

 

 

28     A song by an artist whose voice you love…

Ask the Lonely (Journey)

Debates about the best voice in rock n’ roll are always delightful fun, and there really is no right answer. However, former Journey frontman Steve Perry has to be in the discussion. The band may have more well-known hits like Lovin’, Touchin’ Squeezin’ and the ubiquitous Don’t Stop Believin’, but let’s give some love to Ask the Lonely. You may be unfamiliar unless you’re one of the half dozen people who saw the 1983 John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John film Two of a Kind, on the soundtrack of which the song was released.

 

 

29     A song you remember from your childhood…

We Are Family (Sister Sledge)

I’m a huge sports nut, and in 1979 my Pittsburgh Pirates were actually a good baseball team. So good, in fact, that they won the World Series. The team’s theme song that year was this tune, and that’s how I’ll always remember it.

 

 

30     A song that comforts your soul…

It Is Well with My Soul (4Him)

I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to hymns. I usually prefer them just how they appear in the church hymnal and don’t particularly like modern interpretations by Christian rock groups. However, I’m also a sucker for powerful harmony, so I absolutely adore this version of the song.

The 30 Day Song Challenge – Part 1

Y’all know I’m a rebel, right?? You also know that on previous occasions I have been inspired by things I see on social media. I saw this challenge on Facebook awhile back and immediately knew it was something I wanted to dive into. However, not only do I not have the patience to post a different song every day for an entire month, but I also didn’t want to be flippant in my answers…I feel like it is important to provide context. I have been listening to a lot of music the past few months, so I’ve taken some time to really ponder my responses. I have added the extra stipulation…just as a fun obstacle for myself…that no artist can have more than one song (although there is one exception to that rule). I could do this challenge several more times and choose totally different songs, but I’m pretty satisfied with the list presented. Enjoy.  

 

 

 

 

1       A song you like with a color in the title…

Purple Rain (Prince)

I have to be honest…I was never a huge Prince fan when I was a kid & he was popular. It wasn’t until I grew up that I really understood the depth of his talent. His performance at the Super Bowl halftime show in 2007 is certainly one of the best ever. In 1984 the film Purple Rain was released in theaters, but let’s be real…all anyone remembers about that movie is Prince’s love interest Apollonia Kotero appearing topless, which 12 year old Me was rather psyched about. The song is much more memorable. There are dozens of tunes with a color in the title, but this one popped into my head almost immediately.

 

 

2       A song you like with a number in the title…

1812 Overture (Tchaikovsky)

Countless songs come to mind. I could pick any of several dozen tunes, but I’ve chosen to go off the beaten path. It seems odd that a song written over 120 years ago to commemorate a Russian military victory could become a staple of America’s celebration of independence, but it is one of my favorite moments every July 4th, especially when played by the Boston Pops. The song is about 16 minutes long, and I encourage everyone to enjoy every single second of it.

 

 

3       A song that reminds you of summertime…

Summer Wind (Frank Sinatra)

Ol’ Blue Eyes!! Summer is my favorite season, and there is no shortage of songs out there that symbolize it in various ways. Having said that, one can’t go wrong listening to The Chairman croon about painted kites, golden sand, & a blue umbrella sky.

 

 

4       A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget…

Bad Bad Leroy Brown (Jim Croce)

This one is really difficult for me because I associate music with happiness & good memories, and I’m not sure I even bother to connect music with people I don’t like. However, after much ponderation I did recall a funny story. About two decades ago I spent seven years as a supervisor at a teleservices company. We always played music during the call session, and then we’d turn up the volume at break time. One day a busybody from the corporate office was lurking and questioned whether or not Bad Bad Leroy Brown was “call center appropriate” because of the lyric “baddest man in the whole damn town”. The company liked to represent itself as having “Christian values”, although in my experience that wasn’t exactly true. At any rate, I am a Christian myself but far from a prude, so I found her opinion laughable. I wonder what she would have thought had she heard us playing Brick House by The Commodores (which was a regular part of the rotation)?? I have more than one reason to dislike this person, but the Leroy Brown story fits the present criteria just fine.

 

 

5       A song that needs to be played loud…

Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meat Loaf)

I have a lot of great college memories, especially when it comes to Greek life. Paradise was kind of an unofficial theme song for one of the sororities on campus, and things always got a little bit rowdy when the song came on. Meat Loaf enjoyed a brief career renaissance in the early 90’s, so I suppose that was part of it too.

 

 

6       A song that makes you want to dance…

Gimme Some Lovin’ (The Blues Brothers)

Forgive me, but another college story. This is our fraternity’s unofficial theme song, accompanied by a well-choreographed dance (always sublimely performed once we were…comfortably numb) and a bawdy post-dance chant that I cannot repeat within the family friendly confines of The Manofesto.

 

 

7       A song to drive to…

I Can’t Drive ‘55 (Sammy Hagar)

Has it aged well?? I don’t know. Certainly driving 55MPH seems like a quaint idea in these days of 65/70 miles per hour speed limits. But when the song was released way back in 1984 exceeding 55MPH seemed cool & edgy. Actually Sammy Hagar could easily update it to I Can’t Drive ’85 and wouldn’t have to change anything else.

 

 

8       A song about drugs/alcohol…

Cocaine (Eric Clapton)

I have never been into drugs myself with the exception of a few adventures with weed, and my drunken frat boy days are way in the rear view mirror. However, there are a ton of superb songs about such activities, and this one immediately sprang to mind. Clapton is truly one of the all-time greats.

 

 

9       A song that makes you happy…

Footloose (Kenny Loggins)

I can’t dance myself, but how can one not love a snappy tune that just makes you want to shake your groove thing?? If I’m in my vehicle and Footloose comes on the radio I’m turning up the volume and rockin’ out, and I’m not shutting off the engine ‘til the song is over.

 

 

10     A song that makes you sad…

I Will Always Love You (Whitney Houston)

I’m a sucker for a good romance. 1992’s The Bodyguard starred not only one of my favorite actors in Kevin Costner, but was the film debut of songstress Whitney Houston, a longtime teenage crush. Houston was enchanting, and her premature death devastating. At any rate, for The Bodyguard she remade what had originally been a hit for Dolly Parton in the early 70’s. I am a person who is always rooting for the guy & girl to end up together at the end, so a song about things not quite working out makes me sad anyway. Add in Whitney Houston’s haunting rendition of the song and her tragic demise and…well…I’m a little verklempt.

 

 

11     A song you never tire of…

Leave a Tender Moment Alone (Billy Joel)

I’m a huge Billy Joel fan, so I could listen to practically his entire catalogue all day every day. However, given the task of choosing just one song things become clear. Joel’s vocals are so good on this tune, and my heart longs to meet a gal that can make me feel what he expresses.

 

 

12     A song from your preteen years…

Billie Jean (Michael Jackson)

No one was bigger than Michael Jackson in the 1980’s. Billie Jean was released in January 1983, before I turned 11 years old. It was a catchy song with a cool video, and that spring Jackson performed the song on a Motown TV special, introducing the masses to The Moonwalk. My childhood was full of pop culture moments like that.

 

 

13     A song you like from the 70’s…

Somebody to Love (Queen)

I almost hate broad questions like this. Can you narrow it down for me?? The 70’s were such a great decade for music, so it’s hard to make a definitive choice. Using my own self-directed parameters makes things a little easier, and I feel like I really need to include a song from Queen. You can have Bohemian Rhapsody, We Are the Champions, & We Will Rock You (all fine songs…don’t misunderstand)…for my money it doesn’t get much better than this. Queen’s combination of beautiful lead vocals by Freddie Mercury, impeccable musicianship, and melodic harmonies is unmatched in rock music.

 

 

14     A song you’d love to be played at your wedding…

Now & Forever (Richard Marx) & From This Moment On (Shania Twain)

I can’t choose just one. I suppose one could be played during the ceremony and the other as a first dance, although to be honest I’ve never been enamored with the whole idea of a bride & groom’s first dance for obvious reasons. Anyway, I think both songs are perfect for such an occasion.

 

 

15     A song you like that’s a cover from another artist…

To Make You Feel My Love (Garth Brooks)

About a year ago I was laid up in the hospital and kind of tired of television (the more things change…yada yada yada), so I began listening to a lot of music via the Amazon Music app on my phone. I’m not a country music guy, but I do enjoy some Garth Brooks and stumbled onto this one, much to my everlasting pleasure. What I didn’t know until later was that Brooks recorded the cover in 1998…the original had been written by Bob Dylan a year or so earlier, and even though it was on one of his albums he never released it as a single. A few months before Dylan’s album dropped my man Billy Joel recorded the song for his Greatest Hits Volume III. As much as I love Billy Joel I have to say that I enjoy the Garth Brooks version better.

 

 

 

This feel like an appropriate time to take a break. Stay tuned for Part 2!

Under A Blood Red Sky Nothing Changes On New Year’s Day

On the night of December 31, 2010 I sat at The Bachelor Palace alone…except for Rocco….gently weeping and asking God to send me somebody to relieve the loneliness & lift the gloom. I’ve never told anyone that, and I’m not sure why I have decided to be so revelatory now. Maybe I have finally realized I have nothing at all to lose. It is certainly not to elicit any level of sympathy, but more to illustrate a point.

One year later I did not reach quite the same level of despair, although it was tempting since God had not yet answered my plea. I’ve set aside the emotion and become more contemplative, not only of my situation, but also about the world at large and this thing we call a “new” year.

I have grown to detest New Year’s Eve. There are two kinds of people to whom the event is targeted. The first type is the party animal. We all know these individuals. Some of us have been these individuals. They will happily use any excuse to “go out” and “party”, usually consuming copious amounts of alcohol in the process. Please understand that I am not being critical. Like I said, once upon a time I fit into this category like a glove. Sometimes I wish that I was still a party animal because life would be a lot more fun and much less solitary. The lifestyle of the party animal is also perfect for New Year’s Eve because their charismatic aura usually means they have lots of friends so their phone rings off the hook with invitations to all manner of social gatherings. The second target audience of New Year’s Eve are couples. Whether they are still trying to hang with the 20-somethings at the bar or have evolved into attending a fun little get together with friends complete with finger food and board games, it’s all about being with the one you love…or loving the one you’re with (Where are Crosby, Stills, & Nash when we need them??). And then of course those couples eventually have children so even if they stay in they’re usually doing something fun.

Unfortunately for me I am Choice C…none of the above. I’m single, have no children, don’t really drink or “party”, and even though I feel like I’m a nice person my phone n-e-v-e-r rings and I am never invited to or included in anything. I’m the person that will someday die alone in my apartment and no one will notice for several days until the stench becomes overwhelming. I am invisible and disconnected from society, which to some degree is probably my own fault but is largely a mystery…atleast it is to me. To be honest this relative anonymity doesn’t really bother me most of the time. But on New Year’s Eve it is gut wrenching. I’m not sure why kissing someone at midnight is a tradition…I just know that it is depressing not to have anyone to kiss.

Now once we get past that whole New Year’s Eve thing I’m okay, but I still find the concept of a new year intriguing. After all, January 1st is just some arbitrary day that was decided upon a couple thousand years ago by the Romans. January is named for Janus, the Roman god of gates, doors, and beginnings, of beginnings & endings and transitions. Janus supposedly had two faces…one looking forward and one looking back. Mythology is undoubtedly fascinating, and this story in particular is kind of cool. But let’s be honest…there is usually not one bit of difference between 11:59pm on December 31st and 12:01am on January 1st. There isn’t some bolt of lightning that shoots down from the heavens erasing all our worries, mistakes, & illnesses and magically making our lives perfect. But we do tend to gravitate toward that notion, imagining that magical bolt of cleansing lightning to be real.

Human beings love the idea of redemption. We embrace the thought of starting over with a clean slate. Folks happily latch onto the thought that the next 365 days are going to be better, happier, healthier, and more prosperous than the previous 12 months. Lots of people make resolutions, deciding with dogged determination that now is when they are going to lose weight, quit smoking, learn a new skill, or change some other aspect of their life. They weren’t interested in making such transformations in April, August, or November…but now all the sudden their going to turn over a new leaf because the calendar says January. We eat foods like pork, cabbage, or black-eyed peas (the food, not the horrible “music” group) because we’ve been told they’ll bring us luck, success, and affluence. I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve been eating that stuff every New Year’s Day my entire life and I’m still poor.

Is there anything wrong with the idea of New Year’s and a new beginning?? Not at all. Just because Jesus was almost certainly born nowhere close to December 25 and that date was simply co-opted by the early church to squash the pagan celebration of Saturnalia doesn’t mean that Christmas is bad. On the contrary…celebrating the birth of Christ is a wonderful idea. Similarly, making January 1st a day of renewal & restoration…a kind of rebirth of our lives…isn’t a bad idea at all. But much like Christmas I think maybe we kind of mistreat New Year’s nowadays. The aforementioned resolutions are too often shallow, vain, meaningless, and broken before the calendar turns to February. We love to talk about changing & improving our lives, but we aren’t really very committed to following through. We embrace the hope a new year brings, but abandon that hope as soon as things start to go to hell in a handbasket just like last year.

Maybe a better idea is to treat every single day as a gift from God and an opportunity to be a better person than we were yesterday. Sammy Hagar sings a song called Give to Live that I absolutely love. In the song The Red Rocker gives the following advice: “If you want love you’ve got to give a little. If you want faith just believe a little. If you want peace turn your cheek a little. If you know what you want just go on out and get it. Don’t give up…don’t give up…don’t give up”. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been tempted to give up many times, especially on lonesome days like New Year’s Eve when feeling forgotten, overlooked, and taken for granted. But then I remember that every day is New Year’s Day in some way. Oh sure we are going to have bad days. We are going to fail, screw up, not feel well, and come face to face with the abyss. But, as Tom Hanks says in Cast Away (#40 on my Favorite Movies list), we’ve “got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise and who knows what the tide could bring”. And hey…maybe I’ll have a date next New Year’s Eve!!

Superfluous 7…..Celebrity Death Watch 2012

The recent tragic death of alleged singer Amy Winehouse elicited a variety of reactions from the masses, from sadness & regret to complete unsurprise and “I’m shocked it didn’t happen sooner.” Here at The Manofesto, where we are only interested in quality music, it served to get the creative juices flowing as I began to wonder “Who’s next??” Now these things tend to happen in threes, so another celebrity or two may kick it before this is even published, but I thought it would be interesting in a macabre, dark comedy, Stanley Kubrick/Tim Burton sort of way to ponder the possibilities. I do want to make a few things clear. First of all, I am in no way wishing harm on these individuals. I am not like that, no matter what kind of smart ass remarks I may make. I was recently accused of being like a member of the Westboro Baptist Church and it royally pissed me off because anyone who has known me for any length of time (like 20 years for example) should know better. Secondly, even though I am calling this piece Death Watch 2012 it goes into effect now, just past the halfway point of 2011. Also, as always…please…no wagering. I don’t condone gambling and do not claim to have any particular aptitude for the prognostication arts. And finally, there are two names you will not be seeing on this list: Lindsay Lohan & Charlie Sheen. That’s like predicting water is wet or a Michael Bay movie will have explosions & special effects. I can do better. So with tongue planted firmly in cheek (kind of), I give you…..

 

 

from the home office in Tombstone, AZ (where it is currently a balmy 153 degrees)…..

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Celebrity Death Watch 2012:

 

 

7       Jerry Lewis

Just about one month from now Jerry will host his final Labor Day Telethon for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, something to which he has dedicated his life for over a half century. Not to mention that the traditional 20+ hour telethon is being cut down to a one night, 6 hour prime time special, which pretty much removes any sort of singularity it had anyway. My Dad’s name is Jerry and I am “physically challenged”, nee crippled if you prefer, so I always flippantly have said I really am one of Jerry’s Kids. Jerry (Lewis…not my Dad) is 85 years old and has battled a variety of health problems such as multiple heart attacks, diabetes, and prostate cancer so I am not exactly going out on a limb here.

 

6       Abe Vigoda

For those that may be confused at this moment, yes, Abe Vigoda, at present, is still alive. He has only looked like a corpse since the 80’s. We know & love him from his roles in The Godfather as caporegime Sal Tessio and in the 70’s cop sitcom Barney Miller as Sgt. Fish. In recent years he has made a variety of appearances on talk shows & sitcoms and in commercials. I always find it remarkable when a 90 year old person does anything more than make it out of bed in the morning, so kudos to ol’ Abe.

 

5       Eddie Van Halen

My first roll of the dice. I am a huge Van Halen fan. It doesn’t matter to me who the lead singer is…David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, even Gary Cherone wasn’t that bad. Van Halen is real rock n’ roll. Alex Van Halen may be the best drummer in the history of music, and it is my contention…with all due respect to Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, BB King, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Carlos Santana, Buddy Guy, and a host of other legendary axe men…that Eddie Van Halen is the best guitarist that has ever lived. However, it is undeniable that Ed is also a wee bit unstable. He has feuded with both Roth and Hagar, and a few years ago threw long time bassist Michael Anthony out of the band. Most of EVH’s issues have been due to rampant drug & alcohol abuse, and he has been in & out of rehab even more than Lindsay Lohan. In addition he has had a host of physical issues, had a hip replaced, and battled cancer. Eddie may only be 60 years old, but he has packed about 95 years into those six decades. Supposedly the band (with Roth as the front man) is working on a new album, which I hope is true. I want Van Halen to continue kicking ass until I’m in my 60’s…but I wouldn’t put any money on that happening.

 

4       Jimmy Carter

Well…I had to throw a former President in here, and there are only 4 to choose from. The smarter pick may be George H.W. Bush, but I’m going with the peanut farmer from Georgia. He is nearly 87 years old and probably a skosh too active for a man that age, flying to all corners of the globe as an emissary for the United States to bring peace, love, and stagflation to the world. Come on Jimmy…let Bill Clinton do that stuff now. There are still nations in which he hasn’t received extramarital oral sex yet.

 

3       Some Random Rapper

I don’t like rap. I don’t consider it music. I probably couldn’t name more than 3 rappers if my life depended on it. But it certainly isn’t beyond the realm of comprehension to assume that some quasi-famous rapper will bite it in a drive-by in the coming months, boosting his album sales beyond anything they were when the dude was alive.

 

2       Betty White

Boooo. Okay okay…I know I’m going to get pummeled for this one. But think about it for a minute. Who has enjoyed a bigger career renaissance over the last few years?? While the other Golden Girls…Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, & Estelle Getty…have all died in relative obscurity in recent years Betty White would be going out on top.

 

1      Tara Reid

Everyone talks about Lohan, Paris Hilton, and the Kardashian twits, but the biggest, skankiest party gal in Hollywood may be Tara Reid. “Who??” you ask. Reid is an actress who has been riding the tasty wave of fame for 12 years after the only role anyone remembers her for, one of the horny high schoolers in American Pie. She was also once engaged to talk show tool Carson Daly but broke it off. That was a smart move because I am guessing that if she would have married Daly she wouldn’t be alive to be on this list, she would have offed herself years ago. At any rate, Reid kind of flies under the radar because she isn’t quite as flamboyant in her partying as some of young Hollywood, but she is known to still be out & about and on the scene. I am 38 years old and I can say with certainty that if I were still out doing the things I did when I was 19 I would either be dead or atleast feel like I was, so if 35 year old Tara Reid is trying to keep up with her 20-something counterparts it could be a huge mistake.

 

 

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Random Factoids, Or Getting To Know The Godfather of Cyberspace

I am not normally one to follow the crowd, but this seemed like a fun little challenge. It’s been a meme on Facebook for years, but my buddy Slack was my true inspiration. I’ve chosen 38 because that’s my age. This stuff may be interesting to only me, but maybe…just maybe…citizens of The Manoverse will enjoy getting to know your humble Potentate of Profundity just a little better.

 

 

 

1          I’ve never been to the beach or flown in an airplane. I hope to do both sometime relatively soon.

2          My guilty pleasures: Dancing with the Stars, professional wrestling, American Idol, and soap operas.


3          I went to a Starbucks once. That same day I rented videos from Blockbuster. I’ve never been back to either establishment. Just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it’s good.


4          In 1977 I became the first “mainstreamed” handicap child in my county. However, the powers-that-be still made me attend both a “normal” kindergarten and a class for “special” children. On the 2nd day at the “special” school the teacher called to tell my Mom that I was not mentally impaired, to which my Mom replied “I know that, but try convincing the Board of Education”. Not only was I not impaired but a few years later I was found to be gifted. Unfortunately I’ve gotten dumber over the years.

5          My initials are my name – S A M

6          I rarely wear long sleeves, even in winter…except for dress shirts. Short sleeve dress shirts look tacky.

7          Both my father and a teacher in junior high told me I should be a writer. I regret not listening to them and following that path professionally, although I suppose The Manofesto is some small morsel of redemption.


8          I liked both incarnations of Van Halen, with David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar. I don’t really count the brief Gary Cherone era.

9          Zippers frustrate me.

10       I played trombone in the band from 6th thru 12th grades. I sold my instrument 2 weeks after graduating. I wanted to play trumpet at first, but because I am sitting down all the time in a wheelchair I couldn’t really get enough wind going, so my grade school band instructor suggested trombone. It was fun, but it’s not exactly a party instrument.

11       I know very little about cars except how to drive one, and I’m not especially good at that.

12       I was once defeated in billiards by a man who was legally blind. Seriously.


13       My preferred liquor of choice was always vodka. I was never one to drink anything straight, and fruity drinks like screwdrivers or sex-on-the-beach were more my style. I am a beer snob as well…no Bud Light or Coors for this guy. However, these days I can usually be found partaking of an ice cold glass of milk, a bottle of water, or a tall glass of iced tea.


14       I sang in two talent shows in grade school. In 2nd or 3rd grade (I don’t recall exactly which year) I sang Sandy from the Grease soundtrack. In 4th or 5th grade (that fuzzy memory again) I sang Love in the First Degree by country supergroup Alabama. I didn’t win either time…atleast I don’t recall if I did.

15       I rarely wear white because I inevitably spill something on it.

16       I was ambidextrous as a child but had a teacher that “broke me” of it, as if it were a bad habit like sniffing glue or watching Pauley Shore movies. I am now right handed.


17       The infomercial for SlapChop is hysterically funny to me.


18       I really love fantasy football. Fantasy baseball…not so much.

19       I never learned how to swim or whistle.

20       I don’t particularly care for coconut or sprinkles.

21       In college I took a Shakespeare class and really rather enjoyed it. Surprisingly I found it much more interesting than my Psychology of Sex class.

22       I own a Kindle, but I still prefer the feel of a good old-fashioned book in my hand.

23       Coffee doesn’t really keep me awake.

24       I adore everything about Christmas…the lights, the music, the movies, the smells, the food, the familial togetherness, the wistful nostalgia that makes me want to be a kid again, and of course, the fact that my Lord & Savior was born and eventually died and rose again to wash away my sin.


25       My paternal great grandparents…my grandfather’s parents…both came to West Virginia separately from San Giovanni i Fiore in Calabria, Italy in the early 1900’s. There is a rumor that my great grandfather killed a man in New York before coming to WV, but nobody knows for sure.


26       Thunderstorms scared the daylights out of me as a child, but now I rather enjoy them.

27       I have had 27 surgical procedures. The first when I was a newborn, the latest when I was 35 years old. Oddly enough I still have my tonsils though.

28       Inevitably after surgery I was placed on a liquid or semi-liquid diet. To this day I don’t really like popsicles or sherbet because they bring back bad hospital memories.

29       The best concerts I have ever seen: Boston at Star Lake Amphitheater in Pittsburgh, Van Halen at the Charleston (WV) Civic Center, REO Speedwagon at the Huntington (WV) Regatta, The Eagles at Polaris Amphitheater in Columbus, OH, and Kansas at the Veterans Memorial Amphitheater in Clarksburg, WV.

30       Grapes and grape products cause me…intestinal issues, as does anything with heat, i.e. peppers, hot sauce, cayenne pepper, etc.

31       I have a strange fascination with pens and office products.

32         Movies I have never seen: Citizen Kane, 2/3 of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, On the Waterfront, Schindler’s List, The Matrix, The Big Lebowski, and the Indiana Jones series.

33       I have an irrational dislike of the number 3 and its multiples.


34       My two dream vacations are Las Vegas and Italy. I once had a “Christian” friend say to me that “I don’t know if I’d want to be walking down The Strip in Vegas when Jesus returns”. He & I don’t talk anymore, because I may want to see Wayne Newton and The Fountains at Bellagio, but atleast I have never…well, you know what…never mind. Let’s just say I know my strengths & weaknesses, and I am quite comfortable with my choice of potential leisure destinations.


35       I am not a huge fan of most seafood, but I dig sushi.

36       Speaking of which, fishing bores me, as do video games.

37       When writing anything in the form of a question I use double question marks. It’s just my thing.

38       Little things that make me smile: Snuggling with my puppy…he’s so soft, warm, and cuddly. A glass of iced tea & a gentle breeze on a warm summer day. A big win by my favorite teams – Pittsburgh Steelers, Marshall Thundering Herd, & WV Mountaineers. The aroma of Italian food. A really restful night’s sleep, even if I have my usual Wacky Dreams. Puns. Getting really into a fun & interesting book. People who do funny spot-on impressions. Deep philosophical discussions with my brother The Owl. Anything with BBQ sauce. Nascar night races. What my pal Marc calls “sippin’ music”, i.e simple, stripped down jazz or blues without a lot of extra effects. When it’s still daylight at 8pm. Trivia. Laughter, whether it is my own or someone else’s. Dessert. Nakey Time at The Bachelor Palace…even if I’m alone (which is always). Taking a really good picture. A woman with a beautiful smile, regardless of whether or not she knows I exist (she usually doesn’t). Watching golf on TV, especially the final round of a major. Getting a haircut. Popcorn & chocolate covered peanuts while watching a movie in the theater. When a really kickass song comes on the radio while I’m driving.