Points of Ponderation…..Episode 2.14

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

 

 

I’m really not all that excited about Stephen Colbert taking over for David Letterman. Sure I think Letterman is long overdue for retirement. He stopped colbertbeing brilliant about a decade ago. But Colbert just doesn’t frost my cupcake. I thought maybe Conan O’Brien or even Jay Leno might get the call. It’s odd how late night TV has gone from pretty solid to kind of mediocre so quickly. Jimmy Fallon is doing a variety show completely centered on himself instead of The Tonight Show. Late Night with Seth Myers is bland and has the worst sidekick in the history of late night television in Fred Armisen. Jimmy Kimmel is cool but needs to start doing real time shows on Friday night. Craig Ferguson departing CBS’ Late Late Show doesn’t move my dial one way or another, but the decision on who will take over that slot is huge. If it’s another whiff like Colbert that waters down the whole concept of late night TV even more, but if they somehow pull an awesome rabbit out of the hat it could save the genre.

 

 
So I’ve been following something called “Pickup Lines” on Twitter and here are a few of the funniest/weirdest:
If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.
You must be the square root of two, because I feel irrational around you.
Hi, I’m writing a paper on the finer things in life and I was wondering if I could interview you.
Is your name Ariel?? Because I think we mermaid for each other.
Are you my homework? Cause I’m not doing you but I definitely should be.
Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.
Know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I’ll stuff your crust.
You look familiar. Did we have class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
Would you like to get into a philosophical quandary over coffee?
There are Skittles in my mouth. Wanna taste the rainbow?
Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten I see.
If you were a Dementor, I’d become a criminal just to get your kiss.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you’re the bomb.
Cheesy?? Of course. Would anyone actually use these?? God I hope not. But they are good for a chuckle or two so if you do the Twitter thing check it out.

 

 

Has anyone ever noticed that TV characters rarely sit on the couch?? They’ll sit on the arm of the couch, or lean on the back…but not often do they actually sit on the couch like a normal person. Weird.

 

 
Speaking of Twitter, I recently saw a tweet from a lovely young lady that said something to the effect of “I don’t want a nice guy. I want a man.” I was left tough guywondering what the heck that even means. Do the two have to be mutually exclusive?? I completely understand that most women aren’t attracted to wimps. They want a man in their life that will take care of them and protect them. I get it. But just because a guy is “nice” doesn’t mean he isn’t a real man. Another acquaintance of mine on Facebook was publically pondering the question “Why am I so turned on by guitar players, marines, bad boys, heroes, and dominant men??”. I politely replied that it was because she had been unduly influenced by TV, movies, & pop culture. Is it any wonder why the divorce rate is so high in America?? I actually feel sorry for women. They grow up desiring some kind of rock star/50 Shades of Grey/Fonzie hybrid that just doesn’t exist. They end up in loveless marriages with narcissistic posers who ignore them at best and oftentimes treat them much worse. A cynical opinion?? Sure. But nonetheless likely a pretty accurate assessment.

 

 
I think hyphenated surnames are arrogant & pretentious. Pick one name and go with it.

 

 

I was watching an episode of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher awhile back because despite being a Godless liberal who is wrong about most everything cartermaherMaher can be kind of funny and his show oddly informative. Maher was interviewing former President Carter and asked him if…if…Republicans are able to capture both houses of Congress and then win The White House in 2016 (a tall order to be sure) does he believe that they’ll try to repeal Obamacare. President Carter said yes, but he then added a very interesting statement. He said Republicans would try to repeal Obamacare but it’d be difficult because by then so many people would depend on it. And I thought to myself “There it is!!”. That lone statement explains not only the Democrat playbook, but also the very reason why we should be careful about government programs in the first place. They sound good. They always sound like a really fine idea. An idea that helps people. Who doesn’t want to help people?? But what happens is that folks become dependent on these programs, which does two things. It negatively impacts our economy and it robs people of any kind of motivation to work hard, be self-reliant, and solve their own problems. Why help yourself when Big Government will take care of you?? It also ensures Democrats long & repeated terms in political office because who are most people going to vote for…the person who’s going to give them free stuff or the person who wants to take their free stuff away?? None of this is news to anyone who has been paying attention, but I thought it was fascinating to hear a former President outright admit it.

 

 

 

I recently tried chai tea for the first time. They were giving out free samples at a local grocery store. I wasn’t impressed and think I will stick with regular tea.

 

 

 

There has been a lot of debate…for some odd reason…on social media lately about whether or not it is safe to give dogs ice cubes. My Rocco has been roccochomping on ice since he was a baby (he is 6 years old now) and has never had any adverse effects, so I think the idea that it causes harm is a myth.

Self-Evident Truths, Yearning Masses, & Domestic Tranquility

The time has arrived. After what has seemed like an endless election cycle Americans will go to the polls tomorrow and cast their vote for President of the United States (among other things). I have tossed around ideas in my own mind about what to write in regard to this occasion and originally intended to publish multiple missives in the months leading up to the Election Day. But since I am A) a procrastinator, and B) probably a bit too passionate about this kind of thing and that tends to offend people & get me in trouble, The Voices have persuaded me to wait until the last minute. Don’t worry…I won’t keep you long. I know you have more important things to worry about than the future of our country…stuff like seeing who will get sent home from Dancing with the Stars and checking out that Honey Boo Boo crap on TLC.

 

First of all, let me urge you to do one thing above all else: vote. The United States isn’t perfect. We have problems too numerous to fathom, especially since we are the greatest, wealthiest, most powerful nation in the world and some of the hardships we face are kind of silly, pretty easily handled, and mostly of our own collective doing. However, with that being said, it must also be understood that this whole freedom & democracy thing we have going on here is pretty cool. Sure we don’t always agree with our elected officials, but atleast they are e-l-e-c-t-e-d. We have the opportunity every 2 or 4 years to voice our opinion with a ballot, and it’s a right that I think we take for granted. Voter turnout should never ever ever be below 90% in my humble opinion, yet it has become surprising when it is above 50%. Do we not comprehend that there are people in other parts of the world who have literally given their lives in exchange for expressing their beliefs or trying to provoke change?? There are places where people have fought battles…you know, with guns & bombs…to gain the right to elect their leaders rather than have a dictator rule over them with an iron fist. We can just waltz right into our local polling location and, with proper identification, freely choose who we think will be the most effective leaders for our city, state, & nation, yet a great many decide to stay home and play Angry Birds or pin something on Pinterest (whatever the hell that is). Please do me a favor: put down the adult beverage, DVR your soaps or talk shows, get in your car, and drive to the polls. Take advantage of one of the freedoms that comes with living in this great nation.

 

Now, if you follow my advice the next question becomes who you should vote for. Well, you’re an adult and can cast your vote for anyone you choose. I can’t make you do anything. But I can tell you who I have voted for (early voting rocks!!) and why I made the decision.

 

Citizens of The Manoverse, anyone who follows me on Twitter, and my Facebook friends all know that I am a hardcore, dyed-in-the-wool conservative. I have written about what conservatism means to me, and I have never tried to hide my beliefs & opinions. So it won’t shock the world when I say that I am praying that Willard Mitt Romney becomes the 45th President of the United States. Admittedly Governor Romney isn’t the ideal candidate, but I am not sure such a thing exists anymore. True statesmen like Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Lincoln, & Madison seem to be a relic of the distant past. All we have now are politicians. And since that is the case the best choice has to be the one who’ll do the least damage and atleast attempt to steer things in the right direction.

 

I believe there are three key elements that need to be considered in relation to this election.

 

Obviously the first & foremost issue is the economy. I am not a financial scholar, but I think I have a firm grasp on the basics. One of the most heinous acts committed during the past 4 years has been the passing of nationalized health care, better known as Obamacare. Look…I get it…free health care sounds awesome. I have had various health issues my entire life. I have had 27 operations!! Do you think I enjoy spending a healthy chunk of my paycheck to pay a doctor or hospital?? Would I rather spend that money on a new car or a trip to Vegas?? Of course. But I wholeheartedly agree with the late President Ronald Reagan, who said that the nine most dangerous words in the English language are “I’m from the government and I’m here to help”. If people think our health care system is screwed up now, wait until it is run by the government. I find the prospect frightening. And then we have taxes. Conservatives believe in lower taxes…liberals think everyone needs to pay more, more, more. But my humble Potentate of Profundity you say…if we lower taxes where will Uncle Sam find the revenue to build roads & bridges, fund a strong military, and educate our young’uns?? Well, the obvious answer is to slash spending…dramatically. And therein lies the rub. No one wants to do that because no one wants to piss in anyone’s Cheerios. All those people sitting on their butts, collecting checks, receiving free phones & other goodies, and excited about getting free health care are what politicians like to refer to as voters. I understand the conundrum, I really do. But I also know that I am paying about $3.50/gallon (give or take 20 cents) for gasoline now versus less than $2 four years ago. I know that the national debt has more than doubled in the past four years, meaning that all that “free” stuff people are so excited about is actually being paid for by money borrowed from China. And I know that our GDP has gone down 2% during the past four years, meaning that the value of the goods & services we do produce (there are still a few) has decreased, which reflects extremely poorly on our nation on multiple levels. I could go on & on, but you understand what I’m saying. And yes…bad economic times began during the administration of President George W. Bush. I concede that fact. However, no one ever seems to recall that the infamous housing bubble that began the precipitous descent began under the Clinton regime. Contrary to popular liberal belief there is no such thing as a free lunch, and “providing access” to homes for people who couldn’t afford them was a disastrous mistake. Also, this isn’t the first time we have had a bad economy. But it does seem to be the first time we have taken so long to fight out of the abyss. Reagan inherited a bad economy from Jimmy Carter in 1980. The difference between Reagan & Obama?? Reagan turned things around within a couple of years, while Obama continues to blame Bush.

 

The second factor we must ponder is unemployment. It has hovered at or near 8% for a while now. Obama & his minions in the media love to puff their chests when a few thousand jobs are added here & there, but let’s not lose sight of the big picture. The overall rate is still way too high. And one thing no one ever seems to talk about is wages. I don’t really give a rat’s petoot if 100k jobs were added last month if all those jobs pay $7 or 8/hr. That is not a living wage!! Who can really blame people that choose to sit at home and collect welfare when it’s more than what they’d earn if they actually worked for a living?? American citizens deserve the opportunity to thrive, not just survive. We must take the shackles off the business community and allow entrepreneurs to create real jobs. That means lowering taxes and easing up on crippling regulation, especially in relation to the environmental movement. Do you think all those jobs have moved overseas because companies only have to pay workers there a fraction of what they would here?? Sure that’s part of it, but there is also the fact that there are far less environmental restrictions in places like China. We have become a nation crippled by a politically correct obsession to eliminate all risk & danger in all aspects of life. Look at the NFL for God’s sake. Pretty soon they are going to be playing flag football. Anyway, I don’t think our country was doing too bad back when I was growing up and there was a plethora of decent jobs to be had in a variety of factories & plants. Yes our world has moved into a more high tech realm and away from the old industrial ways, but we still need manufacturing, and it’d be nice if more things were made in the USA instead of everywhere else. President Obama has proven that he does not know how to achieve this goal…or maybe he just doesn’t want to. Afterall, the more people that rely on the government, the more people who will vote for him & all his liberal friends.

 

The third & final point to seriously consider is the U.S. Supreme Court. It’s something that we don’t discuss nearly enough, but the one thing that can have a lasting effect beyond just about anything else. What is the one Court case people argue about more than any other?? Roe v. Wade. Now I honestly don’t believe that particular decision will ever be reversed, and quite honestly I don’t care all that much. I know what I believe, and I know the Godly principles that guide my life. I wish there weren’t so many selfish people out there yammering on about “a woman’s right to choose” what happens to her body as if the child shouldn’t even be factored into the equation, but it is what it is. If you murder a child you will someday have to answer for the crime. My point though is the fact that Roe v. Wade happened nearly 40 years ago and it is still being debated. The Supreme Court, in the past half century, has gone far beyond what The Founding Fathers intended and become an activist court that shapes public policy. The decisions they make fundamentally change this country even more than what a President or Congress does. Right now there are four justices age 74 or above, which means that there is a tremendous chance that who we elect President on Tuesday will have an opportunity to alter the American way of life…for better or worse…for decades to come. The prospect of President Obama wielding that power shakes me to my core. I trust Romney with the responsibility far more than I would ever trust a man who I sincerely believe has a deep disdain for traditional American values.

 

I could go all night, but I’ve got a life and so do you. Let me just conclude by cutting thru all the poppycock. This election isn’t about race. Contrary to what assclowns like Chris Matthews try to say on a daily basis, not all conservatives are racists, and the reason we don’t like President Obama has nothing to do with his color. This election isn’t about class envy. Conservatives want everyone to do well, which means that we don’t begrudge anyone who has found a legal way to become wealthy but also that we don’t think that continuous government handouts really help the poor in the long run. And this election isn’t even really about religion. Now I happen to believe that Obama, while not an actual Muslim, grew up with enough Muslim influence that it affects his thought process in subtle ways, and that goes against what I as a Christian stand for. But Romney is a Mormon, which means that he & I would likely disagree on a few things too. It is a non-negotiable fact to me that God is in control no matter who occupies The Oval Office, so at the end of the day it’s all good anyway. But we are to be stewards of what God has provided for us, and part of that duty means putting people in positions of leadership & authority that will do the right thing and move our country in the right direction. Barack Obama had his chance and I don’t think any objective assessment would give him a passing grade. If you or I fail to perform our job duties at a proficient level our boss will dismiss us and give someone else the opportunity to do better. I don’t know if Mitt Romney will be successful or not, but if he isn’t we can make another change in 2016. For now though I feel like he is the better choice.

 

 

Superfluous 7…..Celebrity Death Watch 2012

The recent tragic death of alleged singer Amy Winehouse elicited a variety of reactions from the masses, from sadness & regret to complete unsurprise and “I’m shocked it didn’t happen sooner.” Here at The Manofesto, where we are only interested in quality music, it served to get the creative juices flowing as I began to wonder “Who’s next??” Now these things tend to happen in threes, so another celebrity or two may kick it before this is even published, but I thought it would be interesting in a macabre, dark comedy, Stanley Kubrick/Tim Burton sort of way to ponder the possibilities. I do want to make a few things clear. First of all, I am in no way wishing harm on these individuals. I am not like that, no matter what kind of smart ass remarks I may make. I was recently accused of being like a member of the Westboro Baptist Church and it royally pissed me off because anyone who has known me for any length of time (like 20 years for example) should know better. Secondly, even though I am calling this piece Death Watch 2012 it goes into effect now, just past the halfway point of 2011. Also, as always…please…no wagering. I don’t condone gambling and do not claim to have any particular aptitude for the prognostication arts. And finally, there are two names you will not be seeing on this list: Lindsay Lohan & Charlie Sheen. That’s like predicting water is wet or a Michael Bay movie will have explosions & special effects. I can do better. So with tongue planted firmly in cheek (kind of), I give you…..

 

 

from the home office in Tombstone, AZ (where it is currently a balmy 153 degrees)…..

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Celebrity Death Watch 2012:

 

 

7       Jerry Lewis

Just about one month from now Jerry will host his final Labor Day Telethon for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, something to which he has dedicated his life for over a half century. Not to mention that the traditional 20+ hour telethon is being cut down to a one night, 6 hour prime time special, which pretty much removes any sort of singularity it had anyway. My Dad’s name is Jerry and I am “physically challenged”, nee crippled if you prefer, so I always flippantly have said I really am one of Jerry’s Kids. Jerry (Lewis…not my Dad) is 85 years old and has battled a variety of health problems such as multiple heart attacks, diabetes, and prostate cancer so I am not exactly going out on a limb here.

 

6       Abe Vigoda

For those that may be confused at this moment, yes, Abe Vigoda, at present, is still alive. He has only looked like a corpse since the 80’s. We know & love him from his roles in The Godfather as caporegime Sal Tessio and in the 70’s cop sitcom Barney Miller as Sgt. Fish. In recent years he has made a variety of appearances on talk shows & sitcoms and in commercials. I always find it remarkable when a 90 year old person does anything more than make it out of bed in the morning, so kudos to ol’ Abe.

 

5       Eddie Van Halen

My first roll of the dice. I am a huge Van Halen fan. It doesn’t matter to me who the lead singer is…David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, even Gary Cherone wasn’t that bad. Van Halen is real rock n’ roll. Alex Van Halen may be the best drummer in the history of music, and it is my contention…with all due respect to Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, BB King, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Carlos Santana, Buddy Guy, and a host of other legendary axe men…that Eddie Van Halen is the best guitarist that has ever lived. However, it is undeniable that Ed is also a wee bit unstable. He has feuded with both Roth and Hagar, and a few years ago threw long time bassist Michael Anthony out of the band. Most of EVH’s issues have been due to rampant drug & alcohol abuse, and he has been in & out of rehab even more than Lindsay Lohan. In addition he has had a host of physical issues, had a hip replaced, and battled cancer. Eddie may only be 60 years old, but he has packed about 95 years into those six decades. Supposedly the band (with Roth as the front man) is working on a new album, which I hope is true. I want Van Halen to continue kicking ass until I’m in my 60’s…but I wouldn’t put any money on that happening.

 

4       Jimmy Carter

Well…I had to throw a former President in here, and there are only 4 to choose from. The smarter pick may be George H.W. Bush, but I’m going with the peanut farmer from Georgia. He is nearly 87 years old and probably a skosh too active for a man that age, flying to all corners of the globe as an emissary for the United States to bring peace, love, and stagflation to the world. Come on Jimmy…let Bill Clinton do that stuff now. There are still nations in which he hasn’t received extramarital oral sex yet.

 

3       Some Random Rapper

I don’t like rap. I don’t consider it music. I probably couldn’t name more than 3 rappers if my life depended on it. But it certainly isn’t beyond the realm of comprehension to assume that some quasi-famous rapper will bite it in a drive-by in the coming months, boosting his album sales beyond anything they were when the dude was alive.

 

2       Betty White

Boooo. Okay okay…I know I’m going to get pummeled for this one. But think about it for a minute. Who has enjoyed a bigger career renaissance over the last few years?? While the other Golden Girls…Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, & Estelle Getty…have all died in relative obscurity in recent years Betty White would be going out on top.

 

1      Tara Reid

Everyone talks about Lohan, Paris Hilton, and the Kardashian twits, but the biggest, skankiest party gal in Hollywood may be Tara Reid. “Who??” you ask. Reid is an actress who has been riding the tasty wave of fame for 12 years after the only role anyone remembers her for, one of the horny high schoolers in American Pie. She was also once engaged to talk show tool Carson Daly but broke it off. That was a smart move because I am guessing that if she would have married Daly she wouldn’t be alive to be on this list, she would have offed herself years ago. At any rate, Reid kind of flies under the radar because she isn’t quite as flamboyant in her partying as some of young Hollywood, but she is known to still be out & about and on the scene. I am 38 years old and I can say with certainty that if I were still out doing the things I did when I was 19 I would either be dead or atleast feel like I was, so if 35 year old Tara Reid is trying to keep up with her 20-something counterparts it could be a huge mistake.