TOP 100 BOOKS OF ALL TIME (ALLEGEDLY, BUT PROBABLY NOT) – The Conclusion

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I’ve done the math. Of the hundred books on this list there are 38 that I have read or want to read eventually. There are 32 that I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever. And most interesting…atleast to me…is that there are 33 books, or about 1/3 of a list of ostensibly greatest of all time, that I’ve never heard of in my half century on the planet. Now, I’ve never claimed to be a top flight intellectual. I’m just a middle class dude in Appalachia with a college education that’s never done me much good, who has made more than enough poor choices and run into my fair share of misfortune. To paraphrase Marlon Brando, I could’ve been a contender…I could’ve been somebody. What might have been will haunt me til my dying day. However, having said all of that, I have a difficult time believing that a ranking like this has nearly three dozen books totally unknown to me.

76 The Hobbit / JRR Tolkien

The final installation of this exercise is off to a great start!! I freakin’ love The Hobbit. Pay no attention to the subpar movies and just read the damn book!!

77 The Man Without Qualities / Robert Musil

Two red flags…a “modernist” novel written in Germany (cause we all know how delightfully fun those wacky Germans are). Also, it spans multiple volumes and nearly 2000 pages. No way. Not happening.

78 Tristram Shandy / Laurence Sterne

It is a “autobiography ” of a completely fictional character set in 18th century France. That just doesn’t sound the least bit interesting to me.

79 JR / William Gaddis

Described as a satirical farce in which a Long Island 6th grader gets rich trading penny stocks thru the mail. It’s a huge 700+ page book, but I am intrigued.

80 As I Lay Dying / William Faulkner

More Faulkner. Described as “a grim yet darkly humorous pilgrimage” in which a dead woman’s family sets out to fulfill her dying wish to be buried in her hometown. I think I’ll give it a whirl.

81 Steppenwolf / Hermann Hesse

First things first…yes, the 70’s rock band known for hits like Magic Carpet Ride & Born to Be Wild DID take their name from the book, which is cool. In German a steppe wolf is another name for a grey wolf native to the Caspian Sea, the world’s largest inland body of water that borders both Russia & Iran. The novel is described as “one man’s spiritual journey towards self-knowledge”, with the framing device of a book within a book. It’s pretty short, and I am inclined to check it out.

82 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland / Lewis Carroll

Did I read it as a child?? Probably. I feel like I have a basic knowledge of the plot. Should I read it again as an adult?? Would that be weird, given the fact that I don’t have kids of my own??

83 The Name of the Rose / Umberto Eco

An Italian murder mystery published in 1980 when I was 8 years old. I’ve never heard of it, and since it’s around 600 pages the likelihood of me caring enough to read it is doubtful.

84 Republic / Plato

I always get the Greek philosophers mixed up. The author of this book, Plato, learned from Socrates then went on to teach Aristotle. Philosophy. Ethics. Politics. All subjects that interest me in small doses, but if I haven’t read the whole book by now it is unlikely that I will.

85 The Confessions / St. Augustine

Saint Augustine of Hippo was a 4th century philosopher & theologian in Northern Africa. It is an autobiographical story about the author’s troubled youth & his spiritual growth. It’s one of those books that part of me feels like I should read, but I’m not sure if I can persuade myself to do so.

86 Wuthering Heights / Emily Brontë

Much like the Greek philosophers, I tend to get the Brontë sisters confused. Emily wrote this one, which is about love, class warfare, & revenge. I’m not sure it’s my cup o’ tea, but it is rather short so I’ll give it a go someday.

87 If On a Winter’s Night, A Traveler / Italo Calvino

Never heard of it. Weird title. It’s a book about a guy trying to read a book, which is very meta. Absolutely nothing about this revs my engine.

88 The Pale King / David Foster Wallace

Wallace’s story intrigues me, but I think I’ll tackle Infinite Jest and be happy with that. An unfinished novel by definition shouldn’t be put on a pedestal simply due to tragic circumstances. I mean, really…it’s not finished 👀.

89 The Tunnel / William H. Gass

I can tell that the readers responsible for these rankings are young since several books emanate from the 1980’s onward. That’s not a criticism, just an observation. The Tunnel was published in 1995, though I’d never heard of it until now. It sounds…complex, but not in a good way. I believe my time is better spent on other things.

90 A Hero of Our Time / Mikhail Lermontov

How many Russian novelists are there?!?!?!?? Atleast this dude isn’t as verbose as Tolstoy & Dostoevsky, but I’m still not interested.

91 The Aeneid / Virgil

It’s like the RC Cola of epic poems. Let me get thru The Iliad & The Odyssey (maybe) and perhaps I’ll give this one a whirl.

92 A Clockwork Orange / Anthony Burgess

The 1971 Kubrick movie is probably more well-known. I tend to go against the crowd though, so I am more likely to read the book.

93 Kafka on the Shore / Haruki Murakami

I’m a little surprised that Murakami’s more recent IQ84 didn’t make the cut, although it is a much lengthier work. Both books are high on my list, and I’ll get around to them eventually.

94 Nausea / Jean-Paul Sartre

What an odd title for a philosophy book. I am somewhat intrigued that it “comprises the thoughts and subjective experiences of a melancholy and socially isolated intellectual” who is experiencing “growing alienation and disillusionment”. I can’t lie…that speaks to me. I’m tempted to call it a maybe.

95 King Lear / William Shakespeare

I’d have thought that Shakespeare would earn more than two spots on this list. It is one of his best plays though. I studied it in college and have seen stage performances. Trust me though…it’s not for the faint of heart.

96 Beyond Good & Evil / Friedrich Nietzsche

Nietzsche has made his presence known in these rankings. It is short, and I wish I would’ve challenged myself to read it three decades ago because it’s just not something that piques my interest at this stage of my life.

97 The Elementary Particles / Michel Houellebecq

A French novel published in 1998. These are very Millenial-centric rankings. Given the title I assumed it had something to with science, but I’m wrong. Why are so many of the protagonists in these books depressed or otherwise mentally ill?? My life has enough melancholy without reading about sadness for fun.

98 Candide / Voltaire

Here we go again!! The protagonist experiences “slow and painful disillusionment” and “great hardships in the world”. Conversely, I just want to relax, have some lighthearted fun, and laugh a little. Is that too much to ask??

99 Jerusalem / Alan Moore

Don’t let the title fool you…it’s a 2016 novel set in England. How in the hell does a book published less than a decade ago rank as one of the best books of all time?!?!?? That’s dumb.

100 Harry Potter / JK Rowling

As mundane & erudite as these rankings have been I am shocked to see something as mainstream popular as Harry Potter make the list. It’s a pleasant surprise though because they are in fact great books. If you’re one of those people who has only watched the movies, a Christian who thinks Jesus will be mad at you for embracing sorcery, or someone who was older than a teenager when PotterMania was running wild so you think it’s adolescent balderdash, then I urge you to reconsider. It’s a big commitment…seven lengthy books…but worth every second of your time.

A Man(o) for All Seasons

I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt and perhaps it says “Go to sleep darlings till the summer comes again”.                             ― Lewis Carroll

Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade.                                                ― Charles Dickens

 

 

 

2013_september_calendarWe all have a calendar. Some still put one up on the wall in the kitchen or bedroom the way that Mom always did. Many of us have sj.bdj.2011.943-i1one on our phones. And some just use the one that comes as part of the operating system on our computer. But no matter how one uses it it’s all the same calendar. It is called the Gregorian calendar and was named for Pope Gregory XIII in the late 16th century. The Gregorian calendar is a revised version of the Julian calendar (named in honor of Julius Caesar) which itself was an update of the Roman calendar which was a lunar calendar meaning it was based on cycles of the moon. The Gregorian calendar is a solar calendar, meaning that the date indicates the position of the earth on its revolution around the sun. It has 12 months, 365 days, 7 days in a week, 52 weeks per year, & a leap year every 4 years.

Citizens of The Manoverse know that I am a Trekkie, and the Star Wars Trilogy ranked #8 of my 100 Favorite Movies. However back in my school days I must admit that science wasn’t really my favorite subject. It’s a left brain/right brain thing. Science & math never frosted my cupcake, whereas English, history, & social studies were a breeze. Anyway, all that sun & moon stuff as it relates to the calendar doesn’t really interest me. Y’all may have four seasons on your calendar, but in The Manoverse there are 8, and the “real world” ones are just a bit different than how Pope Greg & Julius Caesar defined them. Let me explain:

 

 

Spring

March 1 –May 31. Your calendar will tell you that spring begins on March 19-21 and that it lasts until June 20-22. This is due to something springcalled the vernal equinox. Equinox is a fancy term for “equal night” and it is when the sun crosses directly over the equator. But in my world spring begins on March 1 and ends on Memorial Day. Now I know what you are thinking…sometimes it’s still pretty cold & snowy for much of March. I don’t care. For me…a person that hates cold snowy weather…by the time March rolls around I’m ready for a break. I’m looking for any signs of warmth. And even if it snows atleast I have the satisfaction of knowing that it’s winter’s last gasp and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Spring is a turning point in the year that signifies happier times ahead.

 

Baseball

April 1-October 31 (varies).Sports fans will understand my logic. Scientists & meteorologists can have their moon phases & sun positions. bbWe sports fans calculate our year by what kind of ball is being thrown around. James Earl Jones was right when he said in Field of Dreams that “baseball has marked the time”. As soon as I hear the phrase “pitchers & catchers report” (meaning they are the first ones to arrive at spring training) I know that warm sunshine, gentle breezes, the smell of freshly cut grass, & the friendly sound of birds chirping outside my window are soon to follow.

 

Summer

June 1-August 31. Once again I beg to differ with the official definition. Scientists tell us that summer begins on June 20-22, whenever the lakesolstice occurs, and doesn’t end until September 20-23. The summer solstice is the day when the earth’s axis is most tilted toward the sun (solstice literally meaning “the sun stands still”). But, in reality, by the time the 3rd week of June rolls around we’ve all already dove headfirst into summer. The kids are out of school. Swimming pools have been open for a month. Folks are going camping and enjoying other outdoor activities. Vacation planning is full throttle. Ice cream shops are doing brisk business. Festivals & fairs are underway. We’re way ahead of that sluggish ol’ calendar. Conversely, by the time the calendar indicates that summer is ending we have long since moved on nearly a month before. For me summer ends on Labor Day Weekend. More about that later.

 

Football

Labor Day Weekend-Super Bowl Sunday. While I love the crack of the baseball bat and the smacking of leather into leather as ball meets muglove I must admit that my favorite of all sports is football. The roar of the crowd. The marching bands. The cheerleaders. Teams being down 3 points with 2 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter but driving their offense down the field. Whether the chase for the NCAA’s national championship and all the drama it brings is your cup of tea or if you prefer the 32 team 16 week NFL game of Survivor in an effort to make it to The Super Bowl is more your style it’s all good. Fantasy football and never-ending coverage & analysis by ESPN, talk radio, & The Internet have enhanced the football fandom experience. If I’m not committed to anything else I will sometimes get up early on Saturday morning and watch the pre-game shows and then watch games all day & evening until the last west coast game ends around 1am. It’s 16 hours of pure bliss. Then on Sunday as soon as I get home from church I tune into RedZone and catch all the action for the next six hours or so. If God ever blesses me with a potential mate one thing is certain…she will have to embrace the football season as much as I have, or atleast be very understanding of my obsession.

 

Autumn

September 1-November 30. Just like spring has an equinox so does autumn, called…appropriately enough…the autumnal equinox. The fallterm autumn is derived from the French word automne and the Latin word autumnus, meaning…well…no one really knows. However, we also oftentimes refer to autumn as fall, and that terminology derives from Old English word feallan which means “to fall or to die.” At any rate, your calendar will tell you that autumn (or fall) begins on September 21-23. However, in my world it begins on September 1. Typically by that time the children are back in school, the pools have closed, and Labor Day has rolled around (give or take a day or two). One can feel autumn. There’s a chill in the air. It’s not yet cold…but it’s no longer hot. Leaves usually begin to drop ever so slightly off trees by the beginning of September. If you look around you’ll see that most people have stopped wearing shorts and many have even brought out the light jackets or sweaters. Here in my hometown in northcentral West Virginia we have celebrated, for the past 35 years, our large Italian-American population with the annual Italian Heritage Festival, a 3 day event with lots of good food & music. As I am enjoying seeing friends & family and soaking in all The Tali Rally (as we like to call it) has to offer I am keenly aware that we are transitioning from summer to autumn.

 

Basketball

Early November-Mid June (varies). I am not nearly as much of a basketball fan as I am a football or baseball fan, but as a major American sport it cannot be ignored. It isbbbal the longest of the sports seasons, stretching from early November when several NCAA pre-season tournaments are played until the NBA Finals are over in mid to late June, and unlike football & baseball it is played indoors. To be honest I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to any NCAA games outside of my WVU Mountaineers & Marshall Thundering Herd or the occasional Duke-North Carolina clash until March Madness begins. And I have to be totally bored to watch more than 5 minutes of an NBA game until the playoffs begin in May.

 

Christmas

Thanksgiving Night-New Year’s Day. President Calvin Coolidge once said that “Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind”. I Cget what he was saying, but let’s keep it real. Your reaction to seeing twinkle lights or hearing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas is completely different in December than it would be in the middle of August. As I have written ad nauseum over the past few years I LOVE Christmas. I love the food, I love the aromas in the air, I love Christmas movies, I love Christmas carols. Now do I think we have gotten a bit out of control with the Christmas Creep?? Sure. But I have embraced the fact that the season begins at Thanksgiving. I am okay with that as long as we give Thanksgiving its proper respect (which I’m not sure we really do these days). For me that means enjoying everything that Thanksgiving is for that entire day, but later on that night…as does happen on occasion…if some TV channel like Turner Classic Movies or American Movie Classics is showing a favorite holiday film like A Christmas Carol, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, or Holiday Inn then I’m all in…let the festivities begin. One way you will NOT see me welcome the Christmas season is by going out in the midst of the craziness they call Black Friday. No thank you. I will gladly pay a bit more while shopping during normal hours. I usually don’t even leave The Bachelor Palace on Black Friday unless I have to work. And then, when all the presents have been opened and the last airing of TBS’s A Christmas Story marathon has ended a wee bit of melancholy sets in. The radio stations that have played Christmas songs 24/7 for several weeks usually go back to their regular programming right after midnight on Christmas night, but your humble Potentate of Profundity won’t let this most glorious of seasons end without holding on for dear life. No, for me the season extends until we’ve celebrated New Year’s Day. Only on January 2 will I go kicking & screaming back into the abyss that is…..

 

Winter

December 1 –February 28. Cold weather. Snow. Icy roads. I’m not a big fan. Thank God we have football season & the Christmas season overlapping dreary, chilly, winterdepressing winter. Your traditional Gregorian calendar will tell you that winter begins on December 21-22 and ends on March 19-21. I beg to differ. Here in West Virginia it can begin to snow as early as October, and to me snow means winter. However, I don’t want to get crazy with the whole concept so I simply relegate winter to beginning on December 1. And as I previously stated, even though we will occasionally accumulate significant snowfall in March it is atleast winter’s last gasp, and since I am usually more than ready for warmer temperatures I eagerly look ahead and leap forward in my own mind.