David Letterman

Superfluous 7 Favorite Late Night Television Hosts

It feels appropriate to piggyback on recent themes and complete somewhat of a trilogy. First I rated my all-time favorite stand-up comedians. Then, upon the retirement of the venerable David Letterman I bid a melancholy happy trails to my childhood of the 1980’s. And now I shall close the circle by pontificating about late night talk show hosts.

I’ve always been a night owl, even as a child. My mother knew that one of the best ways to punish me when I’d been mischievous was to send me to bed super early. I had a set bedtime on weeknights anyway, but making me go to bed an hour or two early was akin to what a modern youngster might feel like if they had their iPod taken away or their game console privileges restricted. It was as if I was afraid I was going to miss something. I don’t know why some folks are nocturnal while others are early risers. I am sure there is some sort of scientific explanation, but long ago I just decided to go with the flow and embrace who I am. I feel energetic & creative when most of the world is fast asleep. The vast majority of the things citizens of The Manoverse read here are produced after midnight. When combined with my affection for laughter and predilection for comedy over drama the affinity for late night talk shows makes much sense. So I thought it might be fun to discuss the hosts of these shows. The guys whose names are on the marquee. The engine that makes each program go and largely determines its success. I have my preferences, and if you like late night TV as much as me I am sure you have yours. Maybe we agree…maybe we don’t. But with all the darkness & misery in the world it is atleast a casual & pleasurable topic to ponder. Therefore, may I present…..

 

 

 

from the home office in Ha Ha Bay, Newfoundland, Canada…..

 

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Favorite Late Night Television Hosts:

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7 Craig Ferguson
I will always regret that I was late to the Ferguson party. I was somewhat familiar with him cffrom The Drew Carey Show in which he played Carey’s boss Mr. Wick from 1996-2004. When he took over CBS’ Late Late Show in 2005 my 12:30am allegiance had long been with Conan O’Brien’s Late Night program on NBC and my memories of Mr. Wick & The Drew Carey Show were hardly fond enough for me to switch things up. I’m either loyal or stubborn & inflexible…you decide. At any rate, it wasn’t until I quickly became bored with Seth Meyers’ incarnation of NBC’s Late Night franchise in the winter of 2014 that I decided to give Ferguson a whirl. Sadly, just a few weeks later, he announced that he’d be leaving the show by the end of that year. Though I only had about 9 months with Ferguson I thoroughly enjoyed that time. It is likely that had I began watching him a few years earlier or he’d not abdicated his throne as the clown prince of late night TV that he’d rate much higher on this list. To call Ferguson irreverent would be inaccurate, because I always felt that he had a deep respect for his job, his guests, & the audience. However, like a quarterback who uses his playbook only as a general outline but mostly improvises, Craig Ferguson kind of made up his own rules. His monologue was always an extemporaneous stream of consciousness. Usually fun, sometimes serious, always sincere. His sidekick was an animatronic robot skeleton named Geoff Peterson (voiced by gifted impressionist Josh Thompson). He ripped up whatever kind of notes he had about his guests and ad-libbed interviews, making them more like a genuine conversation between two real people. There was no house band. It is almost impossible for me to accurately describe Ferguson’s show. Like other gentlemen we’ll be discussing one watched Ferguson’s program for the talent & charm of the host…the guests were almost unnecessary. Supposedly Ferguson had decided to leave the show before news of Letterman’s retirement was announced. Maybe that is true. Maybe he is the restless type, a vagabond who doesn’t like to stay in one place too long and yearns for new challenges & adventures. However, I think it is very possible that he felt disrespected when the idea of him moving to 11:30pm was almost immediately dismissed. Whatever the truth may be, the fact is that the late night landscape is less interesting without Craig Ferguson, and I hope that maybe one day he might get the itch…and the opportunity…for a welcome comeback.

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6 The Jimmys – Fallon & Kimmel
Guess what folks…you better either love these guys or learn to like them as much as possible because they are likely to be the foundation of late night television for possibly the next 20-30 years.

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I first became familiar with Kimmel in the late 1990’s when he hosted both Win Ben Stein’s jkMoney and The Man Show on Comedy Central. He’s a natural for late night TV. One can tell that he grew up a fan of Letterman and emulates him in a kinder, gentler way. Unfortunately ABC painted his show into a corner from the very beginning, airing it at midnight for its first decade of existence due to misguided & outdated loyalty to Nightline. ABC corrected their error a few years ago, but it’s put Kimmel behind the proverbial eight ball, as if he’s ten years behind and perpetually trying to catch up. Jimmy Kimmel Live!, despite its name, doesn’t air live anymore but that’s no big deal since neither does anything else. In the early days Kimmel used to have a bar in the studio and various celebrities would be his “guest co-host”. I recall Snoop Dogg getting plastered on live television one night, which was hysterical. Mostly the show follows the standard late night outline, although certain elements are individually underwhelming. Cleto, the bandleader, and Guillermo, the sidekick, are both forgettable. Jimmy’s Uncle Frank was the show’s security guard & sidekick until his death a few years ago and he is missed. Kimmel is sardonically affable, and that what has kept the show afloat. There still seems to be something missing, but it’s a solid alternative that may yet gain momentum and become the go to show in late night.

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Fallon, obviously, gained fame from his stint on SNL and starred in a few movies. He took jfover NBC’s Late Night franchise for about 5 years and it was awesome. The host himself is genial & engaging, and at 12:30am his comedic sensibilities were spot on. Sidekick Steve Higgins is sneaky talented…a more versatile Ed McMahon. I’ve never been a huge fan of house band The Roots, atleast partially because I don’t understand why they are introduced as “legendary” when I’d never heard of them previous to Late Night, but they are talented and good at what they do. I love Fallon’s Friday night staple “Thank You Notes”, and at 12:30 audience participation games like “Models & Buckets” & “Dance Your Hat & Gloves Off” were goofy fun. He has his finger on the pulse of pop culture and effectively utilizes social media, which is a double edge sword. Millenials and people like myself who atleast try to keep up with the times enjoy the humor, but older folks my father’s age don’t connect with it at all. I was excited when Fallon took over the Tonight Show more than a year ago, but my delight quickly soured. At 11:30 Jimmy comes across as annoyingly enthusiastic and somewhat narcissistic. While many games & comedy bits on Late Night were silly, harmless entertainment, on the Tonight Show they often seem juvenile, forced, & not all that funny. I can’t imagine that celebrities who are there to promote a movie, book, album, or TV show really want to participate in such childish activities. Having said all that, just like his counterpart this Jimmy has time to modulate and find a more stable formula, although I may be the only one pining for such an adjustment since the show’s ratings and Fallon’s popularity are thru the roof and probably will continue to grow with less competition for the next few months.

 

 

5 Bob Costas
Yes, that Bob Costas…the one who has been a foundation of sports broadcasting for three bcdecades. From 1988-94 he hosted a show that aired for 30 minutes at 1:30am on NBC and that I ranked 18th amongst my 50 Favorite TV Shows of all time. There was no monologue. No jokes. No sidekick. No comedy bits. No house band. It was just Costas doing a cozy one-on-one interview with a single guest…and it rocked. The host himself was always engaging, articulate, & attentive, and if the guest was interesting that was icing on the cake. The show was occasionally mesmerizing and almost always compelling. Studies have shown that night owls are intelligent & creative, so, while on the surface it may seem like any show is doomed to fail at 1:30 in the morning, the truth is that this kind of program, when packaged correctly, is a fantastic solution. It’s a unique departure from the typical late night menu and a format whose return is much needed. There are only so many jokes to go around and a plethora of options to be entertained in that manner. We have comedy shows. We have “infotainment” like Entertainment Tonight and Extra. We have cooking & lifestyle shows. ESPN has a full lineup sports talk shows. We have mind numbing stupidity like Maury Povich, The View, & whatever poor NFL Hall-of-Famer Michael Strahan is forced to endure with the tiresome Kelly Ripa every morning. I wouldn’t mind a bit if someone would revive this show so I could once again look forward to something cool every night.

 

 

4 Jay Leno
The whole Leno thing is sort of complex. Things got off to a bad start for him when Johnny jlCarson retired in 1992 and NBC couldn’t decide who should get the Tonight Show gig. Leno ultimately got the job, but lost supporters along the way. It didn’t help when a book called The Late Shift was published in 1994 and exposed just how insecure & desperate he had been about keeping the job. And then after nearly two decades of solidly entertaining the masses Jay was dumped after a 5 year transition plan that the knuckleheads at NBC had to have been drunk to even fathom might work. Why would you replace a guy that had been winning the ratings?? To keep Conan O’Brien?? Really?? Anyway, once again Leno came out looking bad after eventually “taking back” the Tonight Show instead of doing what he should’ve done…tell NBC to shove it and walk away, likely right into a new show on Fox or in syndication. On top of these controversies Jay Leno was often criticized as being lame & old-fashioned. That criticism isn’t necessarily invalid, but I think it’s a bit harsh. He certainly never pushed the envelope and rarely did anything wacky. I think in his mind the Tonight Show had been successful for many years and he wasn’t going to even try to re-invent the wheel. He believed that the formula that had worked in the 70’s & 80’s would still work. Did it?? The ratings seemed to indicate that it did, but you’d probably have no problem finding folks who will claim fervently that Leno sucked. His monologue was topical and often political, although I thought he was usually even-handed, especially in comparison to his competition. He had been a successful stand-up comic so obviously it was a strength. I thoroughly enjoyed “Headlines” on Monday nights, but there are those who will cite the bit as a prime example of Leno being old & out-of-touch since newspapers had become archaic, while the aforementioned Fallon was making copious use of Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. Over the years he made hay with big news stories like the OJ Simpson trial & the Hugh Grant hookerpalooza. His interviews were solid. I understand why NBC chose Jay Leno in 1992. He was a fun, comfortable, approachable, safe presence at 11:30pm…just like his predecessor. Society may have developed a thirst for edgier, more rebellious entertainment, but there is still a place for laid-back, pleasant, old school amusement. Leno gave us that. People may not really miss him all that much, but we’re fortunate that he filled a void as well as he did for as long as he did.

 

 

3 Tom Snyder
God I miss Tom Snyder. He was The Man!! I was too young to have caught him on Tomorrow, a show that aired on NBC at 1am on weeknights TS2throughout the 1970’s. Apparently he also had a program on CNBC in the early 90’s, but I believe I was still a drunken frat boy at the time. At any rate, I became familiar with Snyder when he hosted the inaugural incarnation of the Late Late Show at 12:30am on CBS in the mid-90’s. It still ticks me off that some genius at CBS thought it was a good idea to replace Snyder with former ESPN snarkmaster Craig Kilborn in 1999. What drive-thru is Kilborn manning these days?? Is he still alive?? Does anyone care?? Snyder’s Late Late Show was a one-on-one conversation much like Costas’ Later, but the hosts couldn’t be more different. When I did my 50 Favorite TV Shows a few years back, I ranked Later 18th and Snyder’s Late Late Show 25th. In retrospect I believe I might reverse that simply because Tom Snyder was such a matchless presence on the TV screen. He had a deep, resonant voice and a smoky, infectious laugh. He had the gravitas that comes with decades spent as a radio & television reporter, but didn’t seem to take himself too seriously. He could conduct a thoughtful interview or relax & have fun…sometimes both within the same hour. Snyder was the kind of guy that one suspects drank & smoked a bit too much in his down time, but he came from an era when that was acceptable, even cool…not the politically correct, health conscious, information obsessed, afraid of everything 21st century. Snyder had no sidekick or house band. He’d just banter with unseen beings, presumably producers & directors of the program. He’d slyly encourage the audience to enjoy a beverage while watching/listening, calling the theoretical drink a colortini or simultini (because the show was simulcast on radio & TV). And he would tell stories. Tom Snyder had been around. He knew people. He’d done things & went places. I could have listened to him laugh & tell stories for hours. The dude could have done a boxed set of CDs filled with him simply talking, chuckling, & telling stories and 15 years after he left the air I’d still be listening to them. Thank goodness for YouTube.

 

 

2 David Letterman
I don’t know what else I can say about Letterman that I haven’t already said. His tenure in late dlnight television can be neatly divided into two periods…the decade he spent at the helm of NBC’s Late Night and the two decades+ that he hosted CBS’s Late Show. The NBC years were fresh, innovative, & funny. The CBS years can be further divided, with the first half being a slightly more mature yet just as amusing version of what Letterman had accomplished at NBC, and the latter half being somewhat stale comfort food tinged with cynicism and bereft of the originality that had made the host a star. Early Letterman was groundbreaking, must-see TV (if I may borrow a phrase), and old Letterman, even though he was resting on his laurels & coasting to the finish line on fumes, was still better than most of his peers. Hindsight is 20/20, and looking back I think that NBC probably made a mistake all those years ago. Dave probably should have gotten the Tonight Show, and Leno could have been rewarded with the 12:30 show. How would late night have looked if that’d happened?? The obvious casualty would have been Conan O’Brien, who’d probably still be a comedy writer for various TV shows. I would have been okay with that…no great loss. CBS & ABC would probably still have ended up getting into the late night game eventually, and guys like Fallon & Kimmel probably would have ended up with hosting gigs somewhere. But the 1-2 punch of Letterman & Leno on NBC could have been a juggernaut thru the 90’s and into the 21st century. Ahhh what might have been.

 

 

1 Johnny Carson
The undisputed King of Late Night. Unmatched. Unchallenged. Oh there were people that jctried…Chevy Chase, Joan Rivers, Arsenio Hall, Pat Sajak. They all failed. Television was different during Carson’s reign. There were fewer channels. Nothing aired 24/7. Obviously we didn’t have The Internet. It is fair to say that Johnny had little legitimate competition and ponder whether he’d be as successful now. However, that’s probably an unfair question. Almost everything…music, television, clothing, technology…is a product of its time. Very few things are timeless. Letterman wouldn’t have clicked had he came onto the scene a decade earlier. Leno, accused of being obsolete & unfunny by some, might have been considered edgy & daring if he’d been center stage in the 80’s. Half of Fallon’s shtick revolves around ideas that weren’t even around in the 90’s. It’s all relative. Johnny Carson was the right man with the best job at the exact time in history that happened to be a perfect fit. He was 2/3 of the way thru his run on the Tonight Show by the time I became a fan. I never sensed the weariness in him that seemed to hinder Letterman’s stretch run, but then again I don’t recollect the early years that would enable a comparison. All I know is that throughout my childhood, through high school, & into college Johnny Carson was as much a part of Americana as fast cars, mac & cheese, rock n’ roll, and fireworks on the Fourth of July. Other late night hosts have come & gone. Several are still plugging away, doing their best to make us laugh every night after the local news. But Carson is the measuring stick, the gold standard. He always has been and likely always will be.

The Night The 80’s Died

People can be divided along many different lines. Black & white. Male & female. Catholic & protestant. Left brain & right brain. Morning people & night owls.

 

I’ve always been a night owl, hence an affection for late night television, my admiration for which I have written about a few times here over the years.

 

letterman2Less than 24 hours ago David Letterman aired his final episode of The Late Show on CBS. Now I have been hard on ol’ Dave the past several years, but there comes a time when one needs to lay down the sword and express respect. That time is now.

 

I was never an outdoorsy kid. Due to my disability my hobbies were always more sedentary, which means I became a bookworm and watched too much TV until The Internet came along. Now I read books, spend far too many hours online, & still watch too much TV. I used to feel guilty about that, like maybe I should be spending my time more wisely. That’s probably true, but as my father is fond of saying, if I haven’t made my first million by now it is unlikely that it’s going to happen, so I offer no apologies for the choices I make, including my preferences in entertainment. I am a flawed human being just like everyone else. If you are willing to overlook my imperfection and still want to be my friend then you are more than welcome.

 

My parents always made me go to bed at a reasonable hour on school nights, which is good because otherwise I have a feeling my academic success would have been…well…nonexistent. But I got to stay up later on the weekends, and watching Johnny Carson on Friday night was always a treat. His monologue was funny, and oftentimes he carsonwould do a comedy sketch with The Mighty Carson Art Players. Then he would interview guests, usually celebrities promoting a book or movie. A lot of standup comics appeared on The Tonight Show, and an “okay” sign or an invitation over to the couch from Carson had the power to launch a comedian’s career into the stratosphere. It was an entertaining show that did its job…it put a smile on peoples’ face as they ended a long day and prepared to go to sleep. However, Carson’s show was somewhat methodic. Don’t misunderstand…it was great…but it was kind of like going to a restaurant whose menu rarely changes. Satisfying, comfortable, and safe.

 

And then in 1982 NBC decided to add another hour of late night television. David Letterman came along and not only challenged the status quo, he pretty much tossed the rulebook into the garbage.

 

daveSome of that “rebellion” was dictated by others, including Carson. He didn’t want Late Night with David Letterman to just be a copy of The Tonight Show. For example, Letterman was not permitted to have a sidekick like Ed McMahon. The band couldn’t have a horn section similar to that of Doc Severinsen’s Tonight Show Orchestra. The monologue had to be shorter & less “newsy” so as to not mirror Carson’s staple opening. There were restrictions on guests…basically Carson had dibs on old school Hollywood types. Both NBC & Carson Productions wanted Letterman to focus on tickling the notoriously sophomoric funny bones of younger guys since The Tonight Show had the older demographic locked in. It seems as if Dave was perfectly fine with all of this, and the result was a fresh, funny, irreverent twist on the established late night television blueprint. It delivered the 20something male demo but also appealed to a wider audience.

 

msjLetterman, in comparison to what had preceded him, came budacross as kind of nutty…in a good way. Sure he interviewed big stars about their movies, TV shows, books, & albums (that’s what we used to call CDs & digital downloads kids), but he also traveled way outside the box. He included his staff in his skits and involved people in the neighborhood. He made minor celebrities out of folks like Meg at Simon & Schuster, a young publicist that Dave would call on the phone for a chat occasionally, and who he would have do silly things like drop water balloons from her office window. After he moved to CBS he found Mujibur & Sirajul, two immigrants from Bangaladesh who worked at a small knick-knack store near the Ed Sullivan Theater. Dave once sent them trekking across the USA doing various goofy things with random citizens. And of course there is Dorothy Megering, aka Dave’s mother, who made annual appearances via satellite from her Indiana home so biffthat her son could guess what kind of pie she was dotbaking for Thanksgiving. He also sent Mom to the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, Norway, as a special correspondent, which is absolutely hilarious. There were so many other “real” people that Letterman utilized in great comedy bits. Rupert Jee of the nearby Hello Deli. Stage manager Biff Henderson. Announcer Alan Kalter. Calvert DeForest, aka Larry “Bud” Melman. Intern Stephanie Birkitt.

 

suitUnlike most talk shows where we watch for the guests, people watched Late Night and its successor The Late Show for the host. Personally I would have been fine with him never interviewing any celebrities. The stuff that Dave did himself was way better. He did crazy stunts like drop objects off the roof of the building or run over something in the street with a steamroller. He would have a bunch of people dress in costume as Santa Claus or Batman and one by one send them into a coffee shop to see how long it would take for folks to notice. He would work the drive-thru at a fast food joint and mess with customers. One of my all-time favorite moments came in the mid-90’s when Letterman spent pettricksa day in Los Angeles driving around in a convertible filled with tacos. There were absurd audience participation games like “Know Your Cuts of Meat” & “Will It Float??”. And of course there were trademarks of the show like Viewer Mail, Stupid Pet Tricks, & the nightly Top Ten List.

 

paulI would be remiss if I didn’t give a tip of the cap to Paul Shaffer as well. He had spent the late 70’s as part of Saturday Night Live’s band and was a member of the original Blues Brothers band that grew from an SNL skit to a feature film but also did actual concerts as well. He was with Letterman every step of the way the past three decades as bandleader of The World’s Most Dangerous Band and its successor The CBS Orchestra. Dave’s original blueprint may not have included a traditional sidekick, but as fate would have it Shaffer became just that. His role as a musical virtuoso certainly helped the energy of the show and undoubtedly helped attract many of the fantastic bands that made appearances. However his participation as “Ed McMahon 2.0” should not be overlooked.

 

After the tragic events of 9/11/2001 and Dave’s own health crisis a couple of years later things dave2changed. Letterman changed. He not only transformed into the status quo of which he’d always been the antithesis, his humor became more topical…more political. The young, hip, irreverent man became a rancorous, disdainful, disenchanted curmudgeon. Oh there were still some highlights, but most of the time it felt like when a pro athlete finally gets the BIG payday and then never quite performs as well as he used to. To be honest David Letterman probably should have walked away 8 or 10 years ago. However, even though I hadn’t watched him regularly for the past few years, now that he is gone I am kind of sad.

 

I remember when Johnny Carson retired. His penultimate show featured Bette Midler & Robin Williams, and the finale was just Johnny sitting on a stool, center stage, reminiscing. I hated to see him go, but I was 20 years old. I didn’t understand loss. I didn’t appreciate the passage of time. I liked Jay Leno, and we still had Letterman. I was in college. All was right with the world despite Carson’s retirement.

 

dave3Two decades have passed. I am in my 40’s. I am all too familiar with loss and the rapid passage of time. It’s only a TV show, and one that I haven’t even been all that fond of in recent years, but it was a small reminder of an era. It was a last remaining link to the 1980’s. My childhood. My boyhood home. My hometown. My family. I likely would have waxed nostalgic about Carson upon his departure had I access to this forum back then, but it still would have been different. Johnny Carson had been around for years before I was even born. He had grey hair by the time I started watching him. But I grew up with David Letterman. I was there at the birth of his late night television fiefdom. I witnessed him evolve into an entertainment icon. I laughed at his jokes & stupidity. And now it’s over. 33 years gone like a puff of smoke. Fallon, Kimmel, Conan, & others will continue to try to make us laugh late at night before we go to bed. And maybe someday, in 2 or 3 decades when those guys retire, I’ll feel just as wistful as I do now…but I doubt it. It is just as likely that, at long last, I will begin my own transformation into a cantankerous old geezer and be in bed way before 11:30pm. more & more often.

Superfluous 7 Favorite Stand-Up Comedians

My man Michael Wilbon recently posted a video commentary…for no apparent reason…on comedythe PTI Facebook page about his Top 10 stand-up comics. Because Wilbon, as erudite as he seems on TV, is subconsciously a militant black man and a throwback 60’s radical his list was, shall we say, just a little bit prejudiced. It wasn’t too terrible I suppose, but it had Wanda Sykes for God’s sake, a woman who is only mildly amusing at her best, while leaving off 2 or 3 certified comedy legends. My dismay with this absurd display of racially biased poppycock has inspired me to create my own ranking. I have made a concerted effort to eschew the kind of poor taste & obvious sociopolitical slant shown by Wilbon, but to be fair we are all a product of our background, bound to be influenced by the time & place in which we were raised and the things to which we were or were not exposed. I’m about 15 years younger than Wilbon, was raised in small town WV as opposed to Chicago, and watched way too much TV as a kid. I am a child of the 80’s (with fond memories of the late 70’s) and became an adult in the 90’s. I do think my rankings are better & more reasonable than the list that motivated this effort, but others may disagree. So be it.

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comedy2In pondering this idea I had a lot of names pop into my head. It became necessary to create parameters. The focus here is on stand-up comedy…just a guy (or lady) on stage with a microphone in front of a live audience. Many of the best comedians have gone on to star in TV series or become movie stars. That’s fine, but that’s not what this is about. Jimmy Fallon may have once done stand-up comedy, but in my mind he is an SNL alum who went on to do a few forgettable films and now hosts the Tonight Show. Same deal with David Letterman. To me he is a talk show host that has been a centerpiece of late night television for ¾ of my life. At any rate, even with those self-imposed boundaries the list was overflowing, so we will begin with some Honorable Mentions that didn’t quite make the cut for one reason or another.

 

Honorable Mention

Tim Allen
His stand-up routines landed him a successful sitcom which he parlayed into a mediocre film career, so I think of him primarily as a comedic actor.

Billy Crystal
I LOVE Crystal, but to me he is an actor & awards show host.

Bob Newhart
His standup career was before my time. I remember him as the star of two of TV’s more underappreciated sitcoms.

Don Rickles
He’s funny, but his career trajectory plateaued before I was born.

Johnny Carson & Jay Leno
I know them primarily as two long time hosts of the Tonight Show.

Bob Hope
An undisputed legend, but one whose career peaked long before I was born and who I fondly recall as hosting the occasional variety show special on TV.

Steve Martin
I realize he was a revolutionary stand-up comic in the 70’s, but I know him mainly as a film actor and for his numerous appearances on SNL.

Garry Shandling
Funny, but not quite elite. I recall him as a frequent guest host on the Tonight Show and remember his first sitcom on Showtime in the late 80’s.

Buddy Hackett
He was before my time. I remember him mostly for his guest appearances on Carson’s Tonight Show in the 1980’s.

Sam Kinison
Sadly Kinison was gone far too soon, killed by a teenage drunk driver at the age of 38. Kinison was obnoxious, controversial, & often blasphemous, but he was funny. It would have been really interesting to see how he might have evolved. Would he have softened with age?? Would he have become a caricature of himself, still trying to be the loud, abrasive rebel even as an elder statesman of comedy?? Or would he have just flamed out & faded away once his shtick started to grow old?? We’ll never know, and that’s too bad.

Steven Wright
Wright’s deadpan delivery is unmistakable yet kind of defines him as a one trick pony. Amusing in small doses, but there is a reason he never became a huge star.

Ron White
I gave this spot to White over Jeff Foxworthy because I think he is funnier. His humor seems kind of restricted to a specific southern demographic, which is fine by me but limits his star power and accessibility to the masses.

Gallagher
You know & love him as the prop comedian who busts watermelons with a sledgehammer. It’s a gimmick that has narrowly defined his career for four decades.

Andrew Dice Clay
He’s funny & memorable enough to get a mention, but just too vulgar to be ranked amongst the best.

Andy Kaufman
It is difficult to describe exactly what Andy Kaufman did on stage. He was more of a performance artist than a traditional standup comedian. It seemed as if he was trying to entertain himself more than anyone else, and if that meant offending, annoying, & confusing the audience then that was just dandy. Kaufman is another artist that we lost far too early, as he succumbed to lung cancer at age 35. I remember him mostly as Latka Gravis on the sitcom Taxi, a role that he allegedly despised.

Redd Foxx
To me he is iconic junk king Fred G. Sanford from the 70’s sitcom Sanford & Son. However, before that role he had a long & successful career as a crude & profane stand-up comic. That was in the 50’s & 60’s though…way way way before my time, and in an era when profanity was actually shocking instead of the accepted norm.

 

Okay, so now that the honorable mentions are out of the way it’s time to move to the main attraction. To be honest I wish more of these guys worked “clean”, but it’s rare to find a comedian who does that nowadays. We live in an era in which F Bombs and sexual humor sells, so that’s what many do. It’s not my preference, but for the most part I think my choices would still be funny if they took the road less traveled instead of conforming to low worldly standards. At any rate, sit down, enjoy a cold beverage, and maybe chuckle, chortle, guffaw, & giggle as I present…..

 

 

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From the home office in Happy, TX…..

 

 

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My Superfluous 7 Favorite Stand-Up Comedians:

 

 

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7 Eddie Murphy / Richard Pryor
murphyY’all should know by now, there will be ties. These guys are legends, with Pryor being the trailblazer who heavily influenced Murphy. Pryor’s stand-up career was en fuego in the 1970’s when I was just a baby. By the time I got to the age where I was consciously making entertainment choices and discovering what I enjoy Pryor, like so many others, had segued into acting. It is really interesting that a vast majority of comedians cite Richard Pryor as a huge influence. He really did make it look easy. His comedy was edgy & vulgar, yet accessible to the masses. Perhaps one of the most regrettable byproducts of Pryor’s legacy is that so many comics believe that peppering their act with a plethora of F-Bombs & other profanities is hysterically funny. I suppose it was humorous in a shocking kind of way when he did it, but now it’s just derivative & tedious. Murphy’s career has been all over the place, with a prominent chunk of the early 80’s spent as a cast member on SNL followed by a three pryordecade movie career with some hits (48 Hrs., Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America) and a lot of misses (The Golden Child, Vampire in Brooklyn, Pluto Nash, Norbitt). In between those gigs, for a brief time in the mid-80’s, he was a comedy rock star that did a few really good HBO specials that became big sellers on home video. Unfortunately Eddie Murphy seemed to buy into the whole movie star fantasy and has become more aloof & pretentious over the years.

 

6 Chris Rock / Dennis Miller
rockI don’t often agree with Rock’s politics, but there is no denying that he is an intelligent, thoughtful guy whose observational comedy is a cut above. Much of his humor has racial overtones, but I’ve rarely found it racist. It is more like a brutally honest, undeniably subjective worldview to which I can’t relate. In contrast, Miller’s philosophies & attitudes are much more in line with my own. He also is a smart & solicitous dude whose comedy was tinged with insightful commentary about life even before he became a regular guest on political talk shows. Miller doesn’t dumb down his comedy for the masses. You either get the odd analogies & obscure references he makes or you don’t, and he’s not going to slow down and draw a picture for you. Both Rock & Miller had notable runs on Saturday Night Live. Rock has gone on to be a run-of-the-mill movie star in mostly pedestrian films, millerwhile Miller has dabbled in the whole talk show host thing (I really wanted him to be the guy to replace Letterman), did a season in the booth on Monday Night Football (not a good fit), & in recent years has become bogged down as a political pundit. I’d love to see him get back into doing stand-up.

 

5 Jim Gaffigan / Bill Cosby
gaffiganOkay…let’s first address the elephant in the room. I am not here to judge what Cosby may or may not have done in his personal life. That’s not my place, and I think the damage that has been done to his legacy speaks for itself. Both of these men do basically work “clean”, which is good. The foundation of their humor is family, marriage, children, & relationships. They tell stories that many folks recognize from their own lives. It’s easygoing & affable. Their comedy isn’t meanspirited, edgy, or brash. Cosby, of course is…or was…a living legend that has done movies & TV shows and has generally been a part of the entertainment landscape for a half century. Gaffigan has been around for about a cosbydecade. He’s a soft-spoken, self-deprecating guy who likes to joke about being fat & lazy, comedy to which I can relate. Young comedians need to study these guys and understand that intelligent, relevant, witty comedy doesn’t need to be vulgar, obnoxious, or malevolent.

 

4 Frank Caliendo / Denis Leary
caliendoBy far my favorite kind of comedian is one who can do spot-on impressions. If I could ask God for any fun & frivolous talent I’d probably choose being able to do impressions over singing, dancing, or playing an instrument. Older generations might prefer Rich Little, but to be honest I was never that enamored with Little. Caliendo hasn’t become the sort of superstar that landed his own sitcom, but he’s done a wide variety of media appearances…MadTV, Fox NFL Sunday, & a ton of radio shows…and is a regular in Vegas. He does awesome impressions of folks like Al Pacino, Morgan Freeman, President George W. Bush, & Robin Williams, as well as a ton of sportscentric impersonations such as ESPN personalities Mel Kiper Jr., Adam Shefter, & Stephen A. Smith, former coaches John learyMadden & Jon Gruden, Charles Barkley, Jim Rome, and Bill Walton. I think Caliendo is brilliant. Leary has segued into acting now, but at one time in the early 90’s he was a chain smoking, fast talking, “angry” comedian…kind of a toned down Sam Kinison…and he was hilarious. His comedy album No Cure for Cancer is classic and helped make dreary days at a tedious job more tolerable for me in the mid-1990’s. Leary was a much better stand-up comic than he is an actor, and I hope he goes back to what he does best someday.

 

3 Jerry Seinfeld
Yes I am aware that Mr. Seinfeld starred in a highly rated sitcom. As a matter of fact I chose Seinfeld as my favorite TV show of all time just a few years ago. However, that show was based, atleast partly, on the observational comedy of its star. Seinfeld was a celebrated comedian throughout the 1980’s, with his casual, conversational style playing really well on television in appearances with Johnny Carson and David Letterman. Seinfeld comes across as a kind of everyman, a guy it’d be fun to have lunch with or go on a road trip. Much like the beloved television show his standup comedy is about the trivialities, conundrums, seinfeldfrustrations, & contradictions of daily life. In contrast to guys like Kinison or Leary he isn’t particularly angry, and unlike Pryor, Murphy, or Dice he is far from profane. I would describe Seinfeld as perpetually bemused by the fickle nature of humanity. People like him just have a whole different way of looking at the world. They see things that most people overlook…and then they tell funny stories & jokes about what they perceive. Thankfully that perception is often quite entertaining. I always thought Seinfeld would end up hosting a late night show, but the stardom he achieved with his sitcom skyrocketed him past that. He doesn’t have to work that hard or often now. He hosts an amusing talk show called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, which you can find online, and thankfully he has gone back to doing standup. Maybe one day I’ll get the opportunity to see him perform live.

 

2 Robin Williams
Robin Williams was like Jerry Seinfeld on cocaine. Literally. Sadly we lost Williams last year, but his legacy is rock solid. He, of course, became well-known in the early 80’s on the sitcom Mork & Mindy, and after that starred in a plethora of mostly good films. But Williams began as a standup comedian and never completely left it behind. On stage he did it all…jokes, stories, improv, pratfalls, impressions, observation. It is hard to put him in a box and categorize his williamscomedy. Robin Williams was manic, silly, intelligent, & creative. He was brilliant. His energy was unmatched. He always made me laugh. And not just a light snicker. I’m talking about wall shaking, tears in my eyes laughter that made others think I’d lost my mind. Hindsight informs us that the energy level was often drug induced, and sadly we also know that the comedy that made us laugh hid pain & depression that would ultimately lead to suicide. I don’t really know what to say about all of that. Unfortunately the tragic ending will likely forever alter the opinions of many about Robin Williams. I understand that, but for the purposes of this exercise choose to remember the good times.

 

1 George Carlin
George Carlin had a career unlike any other. He began doing standup in the 60’s and was still working nearly 50 years later. He dabbled a little bit in television & movies, but pretty much stuck to being a standup comedian. His observational comedy was a bit more acerbic, and many might say that in later years he bordered on meanspirited & angry. Carlin was a product of the counterculture 60’s and always had a bit of that “I’m smarter than you” attitude. In the 70’s he came up with his well-known routine The 7 Words You Can Never Say on Television, which seems a bit quaint now. I won’t repeat any of the words, but I will say that, as carlinopposed to four decades ago, I think I’ve heard atleast 3 or 4 of the forbidden words on network TV just this week. I didn’t really discover Carlin until the 80’s when he had several specials on HBO. By then he’d started doing a lot more sociopolitical commentary, much of it the complete opposite of my own worldview. However, I can usually overlook such disagreements and still find someone funny. While Jerry Seinfeld seems amused by humanity’s shortcomings they seemed to really tick George Carlin off. Sometimes this was hilarious, sometimes it wasn’t. The stuff I preferred from Carlin were his observations about language. He would talk about how language had evolved, mostly due to political correctness. Battle fatigue has become PTSD. Used cars are now pre-owned. Stewardesses are now flight attendants. Deaf people are hearing impaired & a person isn’t blind but has a visual impairment. I could go on but you get the point. Carlin was at his best when he was dissecting the idiocy of political correctness, something it seems like he hated as much as I do. That alone vaults him to the top of this list, despite everything he believed in that I disagree with.

The Sammy Claus Wish List 2014

Former President Calvin Coolidge once said that “Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” It goes without saying that we should be merciful and exhibit goodwill all year round, but hey…if you can only muster such geniality & compassion a few weeks per year then atleast that’s a start and now is the moment. At any rate, it’s time to present the 6th annual Sammy Claus Wish List. Let me remind you that, in my limited role as tree02Sammy Claus, I wield no genuine authority to bequeath these gifts. My job is to make suggestions and hope that the Jolly Old Elf up at the North Pole is a citizen of The Manoverse and deems it appropriate to fill folks’ stockings as I have proposed. In the previous five years we have actually had quite a bit of success. The original list in 2009 hoped that John & Kate and Heidi & Spencer would go away. The fact that many of you are now asking “Who are they??” is evidence of our achievement. In 2010 we requested a new stadium for the Minnesota Vikings. That new stadium is now under construction and set to open in 2016. That same year we asked for a college football playoff and for Time-Warner Cable to offer the NFL Network. Done and done. In 2012 we wished for the return of Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, & other delicious snacks that went away when Hostess imploded. Those treats are indeed back on the shelves at your local supermarket. We also hoped for the extinguishing of The Big East in 2012, and not long after that the football conference shut down. Now only a revised and still pretty decent basketball conference (the original idea anyway) remains. Last year we yearned for a new NASCAR champion and we got one. Jimmie Johnson made The Chase but was eliminated. Bob Hope once stated that ““when we recall Christmas past we usually find that the simplest things…not the great occasions…give off the greatest glow of happiness.” Seeing the gifts on this list bestowed in real life makes me happy. Cheerful reading, and may this Christmas season find you blessed & healthy.

 

 

 

The White House
extra sprinklers & fire extinguishers while the current President continues to set fire to the U.S. Constitutioncon1

 

iTunes Users
another free U2 album…whether you want it or not

 

Officer Darren Wilson
peace, safety, & a new job in a better town

 

Star Wars Fansswars
a new hope as The Force awakens

 

Former U.S. Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV)
A happy retirement. Good riddance you old out-of-touch carpetbagger.

 

Fans of Frozen
the wherewithal to let it go

 

Janay Palmer Rice
self-respect, strength, & the courage to eventually walk awayjp

 

Jimmy Fallon
the ability to focus on his guests instead of indulging his own narcissism

 

College Football
a fair, logical, & transparent playoff system

 

The White House
an extra powerful vacuum to clean up as the current President shreds the U.S. Constitutioncon3

 

Former UAB Football Players & Staff
a new home & success in whatever is next

 

Bill Cosby & His Alleged Victims
the truth…one way or another

 

Donald Sterling
tickets to a rap concertsterling2

 

American Schoolchildren
a return to fulfilling & appetizing meals for lunch

 

Kim Kardashian
a pair of pants (size XL)

 

ESPN
more sports, less sociopolitical commentary & obvious bias

 

David Letterman
A happy retirement. You were brilliant for two decades. I’m so sorry you became a weary & bitter old man.letterman

 

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell
to be trapped in an elevator with Ray Rice

 

John Travolta
reading glasses

 

The White House
extra toilet paper & air freshener while the current President continues to take a huge crap all over the U.S. Constitutioncon2

 

California
lower taxes & rain

 

The Pittsburgh Steelers
a new defensive backfield

 

Business Owners in Ferguson, MO
economic recoveryferguson-looting-4

 

Fans of Honey Boo Boo
books…lots of books…..

 

The View
continued irrelevance & eventual cancellation

 

Florida St. QB Jameis Winston
A short, miserable, unproductive, non-lucrative NFL career. Stupidity shouldn’t be rewarded.

 

Craig Ferguson
Happiness & success in future endeavors. I regret not discovering the hilarity of your Late Late Show until it was almost over.craigferguson_big

 

 

 

As has become tradition I shall end with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

Santa-and-Jesus“Lots of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give…of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

Points of Ponderation…..Episode 1.14

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

 

Wow…has it really been 8+ months since the last episode of PoP?? I guess it has!! As citizens of The Manoverse may have guessed your humbleponder Potentate of Profundity has hit another of my infamous valleys. This is the first thing I’ve published here since my NFL mock draft nearly a month ago. There are a few things in the hopper, but none are quite done simmering yet. Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Time_changeIs anyone else struggling with the recent time change?? I have felt like a zombie since Sunday. I want to nod off all day & evening, then toss & turn all night, and I’ve had a difficult time getting up & moving all week. I’ve made it to work on time…but just barely. I am usually 15-20 minutes early. I was becoming a bit concerned about my health until hearing comments from others and talking to some co-workers who assured me that they felt the same and that it was the time change. As much as I like having it be daylight until 7pm I think maybe we should consider ending this clock hopping madness that messes up our Circadian rhythm twice a year.

 

 

 

Speaking of biology…..

I may have mentioned this in passing on a previous occasion, but I am a sincere believer in the concept of a male “cycle”. There is a 2 or 3 day period angerabout every 6 weeks (it feels like it occurs less often than monthly) during which saying that I am “out of sorts” would be a significant understatement. Sometimes I cross over into murderous rage territory. No…I have never actually killed anyone or even come close to harming them physically. I am far too delicate for prison. But if people could read my mind trust me…they’d run in the other direction. There doesn’t seem to be any reason for this mixture of melancholy, weariness, frustration, & wrath, but it is quite real and bothersome. I have promised myself I was going to track the idea a bit closer and see if I could figure out any kind of pattern, but to be honest I have not followed thru. I do recognize the situation better now as it is happening and make an effort to isolate myself until it goes away. After a few days I wake up feeling blessed, encouraged, hopeful, & optimistic, and that is when I know the cycle is over…until the next time. Anyone with thoughts on the subject or who may have solid information about what I am just guessing to be a tangible reality is encouraged to comment. Reassure me that I am not crazy.

 

 

 

It is mid-March and I have yet to have graced a movie theater with my presence in 2014. Admittedly part of the reason is the brutal winter we’ve had here in Appalachia. When the temperature is in single digits and there is a bunch of icy white stuff on the ground this guy doesn’t go anywhere I don’t absolutely have to go. But there have also been a scarcity of films that I have any interest in seeing. There have been action flicks like Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, 300: Rise of an Empire, & the RoboCop remake that do clapperboardnot frost my cupcake at all. I have never seen any of the Tom Clancy/Jack Ryan films, and I didn’t watch the first 300. I don’t know what it’s about and I don’t care. I almost went to see Ride Along, but during the aforementioned murderous rages one of the first people I’d enjoy harming if I was that type of person would be alleged comedian Kevin Hart, whose 15 minutes of fame I sincerely hope ends very very soon. I pondered going to see the Liam Neeson action flick Non-Stop (because the promos really do sell the heck out of that thing), but then I saw spoilers about the terrorists being ex-military 9/11 family members and I decided that Hollywood didn’t need my money to spew forth their anti-American pro-Muslim agenda. I wanted to go see Son of God, but read some things about it being Hollywood Jesus instead of Real Jesus, that there are a plethora of Biblical inaccuracies, and that Satan was cut completely out of the film after politically correct Thought Police complained that he looked too much like President Obama. A few church friends have seen the movie and said it was good, but I still think I’ll skip it. It is likely that I will check out the new Muppets flick coming out in a couple of weeks, but there is nothing I’m really stoked about seeing until the Kevin Costner football movie Draft Day hits theaters next month.

 

 

 

I never thought I’d say this, but…..

Maybe NBC should have just left things alone. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I haven’t enjoyed Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show nearly as much as I liked his Late Night. I find myself flipping over to Jimmy Kimmel more than I ever have. Fallon deserves credit fThe Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon - Season 1or not completely overhauling his act just because he moved to an earlier time slot. That’s what killed Conan O’Brien. JayLeno__130320220248__130809211218However, there’s just something missing with Fallon. I realized during his first week at 11:30pm that folks my Dad’s age were likely changing the channel because he just doesn’t play to an older audience. Now I realize that’s what brought about this change in the first place. The suits couldn’t possibly care less about my father’s demographic. They want the 18-35 crowd, and Fallon is apparently delivering that in spades. But I find myself thinking that maybe everyone would have been just as happy if Jay Leno would have been allowed to hang on for another decade and step down gracefully like Johnny Carson did (although there are those that believe he was pushed out just like Leno and chuckle about the karma). Leno was still pleasant & amusing, which is what the host of The Tonight Show should be.  I suppose I am at that point in life where seth-meyers-late-night-nbccomfortable & cozy mean more to me than edgy & daring. Maybe that’s what I always preferred. At any rate what’s done is done, and so I will move forward kimmel-0105being sporadically amused by a mix of Fallon, Kimmel, & Seth Myers, who isn’t great in the 12:30am Late Night spot but he’s not awful either. I wouldn’t be surprised if Leno popped back up somewhere in a year or so, and if that happens I’ll check it out. What about Bitter Letterman and goofball Craig Ferguson you ask?? Ehhh…I’ll pass…unless I’m really bored.

Points of Ponderation…..Episode 6.13

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

I rarely comment on the deaths of various celebrities. I have a rather pragmatic view that comes directly from my father, who always says that death is part of life.  I also don’t think most celebrities are worth wasting much time & effort on, plus I believe that my RIP tribute that traditionally ends the annual Sammy Awards is an elegantly understated way to honor siskel-and-ebertthe passing of public figures who have meant something to me personally as well as the world in general. However, I want to take a moment to mention the loss of film critic Roger Ebert. The older I get the less likely I am to really care all that much about the opinions of others, but Ebert and his partner Gene Siskel (who died in 1999) were the gold standard of movie punditry when I was growing up. Now we have The Internet, with sites like Rotten Tomatoes where there is no shortage of opinions about everything that hits the theater. But in the 80’s and even into the 90’s Siskel & Ebert were pretty much it. I always enjoyed their show. They were smart, entertaining, and persuasive. They couldn’t get me to go see a movie that I had absolutely no interest in or dissuade me from seeing something I really wanted to, but if I was on the fence and not necessarily sure how I felt about a particular film then two thumbs up or two thumbs down could be quite influential. Mr. Ebert was a raging liberal who I disagreed with on many issues, but that’s par for the course and I have had to learn to put aside such differences and enjoy the talents & contributions of many who see the world differently than me. With the death of Roger Ebert I feel as if another little piece of my childhood is gone and that makes me sad.

 

So I was out & about on a lovely spring weekend and went to the mall for no apparent reason other than to get some exercise & check out the bookstore. I might have seen a movie but I was just a few minutes too late for the only one I was interested in seeing and the next showing wasn’t for four hours and I knew I wouldn’t hang out there that long. I decided hcto get a haircut even though I didn’t necessarily need one just yet. The place was packed because there were a couple of local proms that night and several young ladies were getting all curled & styled. I signed in and left for a bit then came back. As I sat there I kept wondering how far down the list they’d gotten and was struck with another million dollar idea. Big hairstyling places need to be like the DMV where you are issued a number and when that number comes up it shows on a digital board along with a voiceover that says ‘Now serving number…”. When my time finally came (after a half hour of waiting once I’d returned) I was conversing with my stylist about how busy they were and she informed me that eventually they would be getting a system wherein you could go traipsing about the mall and they’d text you when it was your turn, which I think is an even better idea than mine. I suppose they might have that technology in some big cities already, which means it may arrive here in West Virginia sometime in the next couple of decades.

 

God help me, but I have been unsubscribing from friends on Facebook who do nothing but post about their wonderful hbspouse or significant other. I know that is awful. But when I am sitting at home every night without so much as a phone call from anyone outside of my Dad I just can’t seem to get jazzed about the love lives of people far less lonely than me.

 

One of the things I do on a daily basis is check out various news sites…CNN, FoxNews, Drudge, USA Today, etc….to, as I tell Rocco, see what’s going on in the world. During one of those recent online expeditions I was kind of surprised but not really (if that makes any sense) to see it trumpeted as newsworthy that NBC Today reporterette Jenna Wolfe is “having a baby” with her lesbian lover (also an NBC news “journalist”). First of all, who cares?? Millions of people have babies every day. It’s not news. And neither bridegroom-aisleWolfe nor her “partner” are famous enough for anyone to give a damn. But more interestingly to me was the fact that two lesbians “having a baby” (I’m sure there is sperm involved in this somehow but of course the story conveniently left that part out) is seen as something to celebrate in 21st century New America. Look, do your thing. Live your life. Sleep with whomever you please. Wallow in whatever kind of deviant lifestyle you choose. But if people are going to constantly berate Christians for trying to “shove our beliefs down other peoples’ throats” then please do not be so hypocritical as to publically rejoice in your sinful choices that go directly against the Word of God. I am not easily offended but I get a little sick & tired not just of the wayward path America is following but the fact that so many are so brazenly, gleefully, boldly taking that path while looking at those of us who embrace traditional, Godly principles as if we are the crazy ones.

 

The suits at NBC have confirmed the rumors. Next year Jimmy Fallon will take over The Tonight Show. I do like the factJimmy Fallon-SGY-008669 that they are keeping Fallon in New York. They aren’t retiring The Tonight Show name as I suggested, but I didn’t really expect that to happen. I am sure that Leno will land on his feet, whether that means fading into obscurity or getting a show on another network. Word on the street is that SNL’s Seth Myers will get the 12:30am Late Night gig and I suppose that is a safe if uninspired choice. Now CBS…it’s your turn. David Letterman hasn’t been funny for a few years now and it may be time to give him a gentle nudge out the door.

 

I like cereal. I’m not quite on the Seinfeld level yet where I have a dozen or more boxes in my kitchen, but I usually have 2 or 3 atleast. I have been trying to eat a bit healthier so I lean toward high fiber, low fat varieties, although being the minimalist that I am my favorite…as it has been since I was a kid…is Rice Krispies. Anyway, I was fixing myself a bowl one day and began pondering packaging. The package that several products come in has evolved over the course of my lifetime. Not only is milk no longer delivered straight to one’s door but it also doesn’t come in glass bottles anymore. Ditto for glass bottles of cereal cola. The beloved silver foil that Ho-Ho’s used to come in disappeared decades before Ho-Ho’s themselves vanished from supermarket shelves. McDonald’s…bowing to pressure from environmentalist wackos…eliminated Styrofoam in favor of simple paper or cardboard years ago. When I was a kid we had to drink water from the faucet, but now it comes in handy dandy bottles. I remember my mom coming home from the store with big ol’ brown paper bags. Now all your groceries are packed in plastic bags at the checkout counter, although once again the environmentalists are trying to persuade everyone to convert to permanent cloth bags. At any rate, what I am wondering is why cereal packaging hasn’t advanced?? Cereal comes in a transparent plastic bag which is then placed inside of a rectangular cardboard box. If one doesn’t tear open the cardboard just right (and I never do) the little tabs they put in place to enable one to reclose the box is useless. And if one doesn’t tear open the inner plastic correctly then the cereal doesn’t pour out right and can potentially end up all over the place. I find this troubling and am calling upon some enterprising soul to fix the problem. Yet another million dollar idea I am offering up free of charge.

 

 

 

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Points of Ponderation…..Episode 5.13

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

I was recently prescribed a week long course of steroids…a Z-Pak…to treat bronchitis, and I was somewhat taken aback by the side effects. I have always heard about ‘roid rage, but since I am far from a ripped body builder hangin’ at the gym pumping iron I never thought I’d experience it. However, words cannot accurately describe the absolute fury I felt for several days. One evening I deleted probably 20 people from my Facebook  simply because one humorless know-it-all I barely angerremember from college ticked me off. Another night at work my poor co-worker had to hear a quite vociferous rant about job related frustrations, and even though that irritation isn’t anything new I’ve rarely felt…or expressed…such visceral disgust. It’s the medication…I know it is. When I had my weekly weigh-in I gained a pound even though I’d stuck to the program pretty good. Now granted…the symptoms of the bronchitis subsided considerably which I guess is the whole point of the drug, but I am quite uncomfortable with the ancillary issues created.

 

 

It seems that the Late Night Wars may be heating up once again and y’all know that is amongst my favorite frivolous topics of ponderation. The rumor is that NBC suits (them again) are spooked by ABC’s move of Jimmy Kimmel to 11:30pm. Kimmel’s irreverent, wry sense of humor is likely to attract the younger demo…something that Jay Leno is thought unable to do. Basically Kimmel is what David Letterman was 30 years ago and Conan O’Brien almost became in the not so distant past. So the geniuses at The Peacock Network are pushing Leno out the door (again) and moving Jimmy Fallon to 11:30pm. Personally I don’t have a problem with that plan. Leno once upon a time had promise but has grown stale. He’s lenokimmelcomfortable & amiable like Johnny Carson was, but has never quite measured up to the legendary Carson. I’d take things a step further though. Ostensibly Fallon is going to take over The Tonight Show (because that worked out oh so well for Conan), and yet another new host would take over the Late Night show in at 12:30am. But here’s what I’d do. I’d retire The Tonight Show altogether. Any host that takes over that mantle will forever be compared to Carson and can never equal the legend. End that show and just move Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to 11:30pm. He could stay in New York, stay in the same studio…keep everything the same except for the time slot. Remember…having to “change for the 11:30 audience” is what destroyed Conan. I think an evolving society that is increasingly okay with things like teen pregnancy & same sex marriage can handle a revolutionary idea like enjoying the same kind of humor that works at 12:30 an hour earlier. Then you bring back the Later title for the 12:30am show and find a decent host for that gig. I’ve heard the names Tina Fey & Amy Poehler batted around. I’d suggest maybe trying to lure Craig Kilborn back to the late night scene, or possibly Joel McHale. kimmelWhat I’d really love to see is a revival of the one-on-one interview type of show that Bob Costas or Tom Snyder used to do. That’d be awesome if the right host could be found. At any rate, change is coming. Leno has had a nice run and maybe he’ll end up on Fox or Bravo or A&E, or he could just slip into “retirement” and continue doing stand-up like Jerry Seinfeld. I know axing The Tonight Show franchise may seem like a radical idea, but anyone who has been paying attention in 21st century New America knows that there are very few sacred cows anymore. I’d rather see it go into retirement than see Jimmy Fallon be forced to conform to some archaic standard and have his career castrated like Conan’s was a few years ago.

 

 

I don’t talk about my “real” job in this forum for a variety of reasons. I do like to retain some sense of privacy, plus I really don’t want to get fired. But suffice to say that I deal…indirectly…with other people’s problems and I’m kind of getting tired of it. I call it Big Redneck Drama. I am well aware that my childhood & family lifefp was as close to ideal as possible. My parents loved one another, didn’t drink or do drugs, and treated myself & my sister as good as any parents could. That is why I have such a difficult time wrapping my head around some of the absolute idiocy that I am confronted with on a daily basis. At this point in my life it doesn’t seem as though…for whatever reason…God is going to bless me with a wife or children. And I know plenty of people out there who would dearly love to have those things as well but do not or cannot. So it is beyond my limited comprehension why people blessed with a family that others genuinely covet take every opportunity to crap all over what they have been given.

 

 

The equality crowd is at it again. They are all using a pink equal (=) sign as their profile pic on Facebook like good little liberal sheep. That’s their right as Americans, but I’ll be damned if I will support it. The thing is, I really think that most of these peoples’ hearts are in the right place. Equality sounds like a fine idea. Minorities…blacks, women, the disabled…have fought for it for decades or even centuries and still have to wage battle to a degree. But as much as I respect & honor the rule of law I ultimately answer to a higher authority and my God tells me in His Word that homosexuality is shameful, unnatural, lustful, & indecent…an abomination. Both the 7th chapter of Corinthians and the 5th chapter of Ephesians clearly identify marriage as being between a man and a woman. Now, does that bgmean that we are to mistreat or harm those who choose what we consider to be the wrong path?? Of course not. Both myself & God know that I sin far too often, and I am thankful that I am not shunned completely by those who may not agree with my every decision. I’d be a very lonely man if society rejected me for my mistakes. But there is a fine line between rejection & approval. While I believe wholeheartedly that every individual should be treated with a spirit of love, respect, mercy, & compassion I do not think wholesale tacit approval of a deviant lifestyle is the right course for our nation. The U.S. Supreme Court is about to rule on the constitutionality of California’s Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as between one man & one woman. I am doubtful that the law will be upheld, which means that the definition of marriage in America will likely be altered forever. That’s okay. Like I said…at the end of the day I answer to a higher power and it is His way to which I adhere. If that upsets people then that is just something with which I will have to deal.

 

 

So I guess Jim Carrey has written a parody song attacking the late Charlton Heston and defenders of the 2nd Amendment. That’s fine. It is his right to do so, just as it is my right to not watch the stupid video. I don’t follow Carrey on Twitter but I hear58948_JimCarrey.png that he has been kind of an ass on his feed, saying some pretty derogatory things about gun owners. Here’s why I get so annoyed at the hypocrisy of the left though. I guarantee that Mr. Carrey has an armed entourage everywhere he goes and that his home has 24/7 armed security. That’s nice if you can afford it, but for most of us in the working class all that stands between us and evildoers is a .22 or a 9mm or a .44. The Constitution of the United States gives law abiding citizens the right to own firearms. What’s so difficult for the Hollywood elite to understand about that??

 

 

 

 

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50 Favorite TV Shows…..30-21

So, I’ve been thinking…

30 years from now another writer is going to do a list like this. If, like me, they are heavily influenced by the types of programming they grew up with, what will that list look like?? Will someone actually heap praise on crap like Family Guy, America’s Next Top Model, Wife Swap, or Glee?? I am well aware that there have been what most people would consider pretty decent shows produced in the past 10 or 15 years…stuff like Lost, 30 Rock, and The Sopranos…that for one reason or another simply never frosted my cupcake. But I maintain that the majority of what we see on television (and in movies for that matter) now isn’t nearly as good as what I grew up watching. Your mileage may vary. Anyway…on with the countdown!!

 

 

30     Wings

          NBC 1990-97

In the 90’s it seemed like NBC could do no wrong. They’d invented the idea of “Must See TV” in the 80’s and successfully made viewers buy into the concept for well over a decade. It didn’t hurt that the suits at 30 Rockefeller Plaza churned out a string of sitcoms ranging from exceptionally sublime to pretty darn good to better than average. I suppose there were a few clunkers in the mix (The Single Guy, Veronica’s Closet, Suddenly Susan, Just Shoot Me), but they were few & far between. One show that fell somewhere in the pretty good/above average area on the scale was this little tale of two brothers running a small independent airline on the Massachusetts island of Nantucket (you know…where that girl comes from). Wings was created by the same folks who brought us Cheers and Frasier (both of which will appear much higher in this countdown), so the elite pedigree is undeniable and the vibe was familiar. NBC kept moving its night & time slot throughout its 7 year run, so much like NewsRadio I think this is a show that never quite reached its full potential.

 

 

29     Entourage

          HBO 2004-11

Although I am fortunate to have made some good friendships in college that I maintain to this day, I don’t have any lifelong buddies that I’ve known since childhood, which are the types of relationships intertwined thru Entourage. The kicker is that one of the guys is a big time movie star who has transplanted his posse from Queens, NY to Hollywood. The language is a bit salty and these guys are clearly in a state of arrested development, but I guess young, rich, famous, good looking people can roll like that. There were some really well done cameos in Entourage’s 7 year run (Bob Saget, Mandy Moore, Gary Busey, and Mark Cuban immediately spring to mind), but the absolute best part of the show was manic, self-centered, foul-mouthed, politically incorrect uber agent Ari Gold. HBO is able to do its television seasons a bit different from the normal September-May/30 episodes thing that the broadcast networks have done for decades. Entourage usually aired in the summer for a dozen or so episodes, which atleast gave viewers something to look forward to apart from the reruns so prevalent on other channels. I just wish it was going to be on for a few more years…I wasn’t tired of it yet.

 

 

28     The Wonder Years

          ABC 1988-93

I’m a sucker for the whole wistful, nostalgic zeitgeist, and few TV shows have ever captured that as well as The Wonder Years. Narrated by the vastly underrated Daniel Stern (Home Alone, City Slickers), the show follows the teenage angst of young Kevin Arnold as he deals with his family, friends, and puppy love for the fetching Winnie Cooper in the late 60’s & early 70’s. The show not only represents an era well, but nails small town life, family dynamics, and the growing pains of a boy evolving into a young man…sometimes fun, sometimes sad, complex yet quaint.

 

 

27     Star Trek

          NBC 1966-69

Full disclosure: not only was I not yet born during the original Trek’s run, but I didn’t really become a Trekkie until college and that was mainly influenced by the film series and Star Trek: The Next Generation. However, it is my belief that love of the entire Trek universe must encompass a respectful appreciation of the series that birthed all that followed. The idea was spawned from the creative genius of Gene Roddenberry, a former pilot & LAPD cop turned writer who envisioned Star Trek as a spaghetti western set in space. Nearly 50 years later millions of people still fondly recall the adventures of Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy”, the half human/half Vulcan Spock, and the rest of the crew of the starship Enterprise, as well as the various alien races they battled like the Klingons & Romulans. It blows my mind that the show only lasted three seasons.

 

 

26     Jeopardy!

          Syndicated 1984-Present

My Grandma Pigott was a big fan of game shows. The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, Password, Press Your Luck, Family Feud, Tic-Tac-Dough, Card Sharks, The $10,000 Pyramid, Hollywood Squares, Match Game…I could go on. Has there ever been a cooler name on television than Wink Martindale?? In my opinion the best game show in history is Jeopardy. I’m a huge trivia buff, and I think it’s awesome when one can chill out watching TV for a half hour and still learn a few things. Too many things have contributed to the dumbing down of America, but I’m happy to say this show isn’t among them.

 

 

25     The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder

          CBS 1995-99

I’m a big fan of late night TV, partly because I’m a night owl and partly because I can vaguely recall a time when television stations actually ended their broadcast day at some point (usually with The Star Spangled Banner) and am still enamored with the fact that they don’t do that anymore. I am easily entertained. At any rate, most late night shows follow your typical funny host with a sidekick, live audience, & house band/monologue/comedy bit/interview with a celebrity guest plugging their latest project/end the show with a musical act formula, and that’s okay. However, I am a minimalist who finds it fascinating when two people can sit down and have a lengthy & interesting conversation. We don’t do enough of that in our real lives anymore, and we rarely see it on television. Tom Snyder hosted a late night show called Tomorrow on NBC in the 70’s when I was far too young to stay up that late. That show was cancelled in 1982 to make way for a new guy named David Letterman. A little more than a decade later Letterman restored balance to the universe by bringing Snyder back to host the 12:30am show immediately following his own. Snyder was such a unique host, with his hearty laugh, easygoing manner, and an ability to connect with the audience and his guests. Plus, even though he wasn’t a comedian like Leno or Letterman, he was hilarious. Who could ever forget his nightly appeal to “sit back & relax, fire up a colortini, and watch the moving pictures as they fly through the air”?? I don’t know whose idea it was to replace Tom Snyder with the sardonic Craig Kilborn in 1999, but I hope there is an especially warm place in Hell reserved for those responsible.

 

 

24     Growing Pains

          ABC 1985-92

Speaking of growing pains…whereas The Wonder Years took a distinctive, sentimental approach, this 80’s staple utilized the old fashioned, paint-by-numbers typical sitcom method, which was perfectly fine. It served as a launching pad for the career of Leonardo DiCaprio, and to a lesser degree Kirk Cameron. I say that because, even though Cameron was the centerpiece of the show throughout its run and DiCaprio was only on for 1 year, I think we can all agree that Leo’s superstar trajectory has reached a wee bit higher than Cameron’s (although to be fair Kirk Cameron has dedicated his life to serving our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, which in the long run is more significant than being a movie star, even if one of those movies is Titanic).

 

 

23     Little House on the Prairie

          NBC 1974-83

I think this may have been the very first television show I ever loved. Based on the series of childrens’ books by author Laura Ingalls Wilder published in the 1930’s, it is a family drama set in the small town of Walnut Grove, Minnesota during the latter half of the 19th century. Surprisingly I’ve never read the books.

 

 

 

22     Who’s the Boss?

          ABC 1984-92

Hey-oh, oh-ay!! The story of a widowed single father from Brooklyn moving to Connecticut to provide a better life for his young daughter. The catch?? He has to take a job as a live-in housekeeper for a snobbish single mother and her young son.  Hilarity ensued. Much like Growing Pains this show didn’t color outside the lines of sitcom convention, but it did what it did quite well. I’ve always enjoyed Tony Danza’s relatable charm, and Alyssa Milano was amongst my first celebrity crushes.

 

 

 

21     WKRP in Cincinnati

          ABC 1978-82

I really feel like this is one of the most heinously underappreciated sitcoms in television history. Heck, I even feel like I am underrating it!! I suppose the latter statement is due to the fact that it went off the air when I was 10 years old. Fortunately for me it became a much bigger ratings hit in syndication during the 80’s than it was in its original run. Workplace comedies with a bunch of quirky misfits aren’t exactly rare…they are a tried & true TV tradition (Barney Miller, Taxi, The Office, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Murphy Brown,  and so on…). However, when the workplace is a radio station and it is being produced at a time when some of the best rock n’ roll ever made is on the air then that is a winning combination. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with super cool DJ’s Dr. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap?? Or have a lovably clueless boss like Mr. Carlson and an understanding supervisor like Andy Travis?? And who wouldn’t absolutely love to see a gorgeous receptionist like Jennifer (Loni Anderson) as soon as you walk thru the door every day?? Sadly I have felt varying degrees of malice toward every place I’ve ever worked and have not found a job environment nearly as awesome as those we see on TV. I would be remiss if I did not mention and highly recommend an episode called “Turkeys Away”, originally aired on 10/30/78, in which Mr. Carlson comes up with “the greatest Thanksgiving promotion in radio history”. It can be found online if you look hard enough and it is well worth the effort.

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Person of the Month – January 2010

Better late than never, right??

I mentioned in The State of The Manofesto Address awhile back my intention to revive a feature that was a part of the old blog on MySpace in 2008. My intention was to post this over the weekend, but obviously that didn’t happen. I could lie and say I was busy, but that’s simply not the case. At any rate, I find myself with a small burst of creative energy (something I have been lacking the past few weeks) and some free time at the moment, so you’re welcome.

The decision of who would receive January’s honor (which comes with no cash prize but the distinguished privilege of receiving attention from my dozens and dozens of readers) was fairly easy. On January 10 NBC announced the “cancellation” of The Jay Leno Show, which had aired weeknights at 10pm for four months. The plan was to put Leno’s show in a 30 minute format at 11:35pm and push back The Tonight Show, which had been hosted by Conan O’Brien since June, to 12:05am. What NBC did not count on was the defiance of O’Brien, who flat out refused to host The Tonight Show at a time when, as someone amusingly pointed out, it would no longer technically be tonight. Conan showed he had a set the size of basketballs and most definitely made of brass. That kind of strength of character is more than enough to make Conan O’Brien our Person of the Month.

It might behoove us at this point to briefly go back in time, first to 1992 then to 2004. In 1992 Johnny Carson shocked the masses by suddenly retiring from The Tonight Show after 30 years. What should have happened was that David Letterman would become Tonight’s new host and Leno, who had been Carson’s regular guest host for several years, get his own show at 12:30. Instead the geniuses at NBC wrung their hands and let both men twist in the wind before ultimately choosing Leno for the gig, which then lead to Letterman getting ticked off and bolting for his own 11:30 show on CBS. To take over their 12:30 show NBC chose a complete unknown, a writer for The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live who had absolutely no on air experience. That unknown was of course O’Brien. The first few years of his show were, if I am being kind, subpar. But something funny began to happen…literally. By 2004 Conan’s contract was almost up and he was suddenly quite popular and in demand. NBC was desperate to hold on to him, so they brokered a deal in which he would take over The Tonight Show in 2009. Leno, perfecting his nice guy act, went along with that plan. There is really no logical reason.

Now let us flash ahead to last year. Leno was the reigning King of Late Night and the idea of pushing him aside for Conan began to look silly to anyone with a brain. However, the powers-that-be at NBC apparently don’t have much going in the brain department, so they forged ahead. The network geniuses began to formulate a plan for keeping both Jay and Conan. The solution was to give Leno a show at 10pm. Not being a big fan of the normal cops and lawyer shows or hospital dramas typically seen at that hour, I personally liked the idea. Unfortunately the masses disagreed, the ratings tanked, and the show was given the heave ho after 4 months. Meanwhile, Conan’s Tonight Show ratings were also less than stellar. That’s when then aforementioned plan…Jay for a half hour at 11:30, The Tonight Show at midnight…was hatched and subsequently crapped on by Conan.

The fallout from all this has been interesting. Leno is returning to Tonight after The Olympics are over, and Conan was given a boatload of money by NBC to go away. Other late night hosts, most notably Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel, have interjected themselves into the situation and had a ton of fun at NBC and Leno’s expense. Most agree that Leno has shown his true colors, that he is not the innocent nice guy he usually portrays himself to be. Conan, on the other hand, comes out of all this smelling like a rose. He is the scorned victim who did nothing wrong but lost his job anyway. He received millions of dollars to sit on the sidelines for the next several months, and presumably will land firmly on his feet with an 11:30 show on ABC or Fox in September. And he stood up for something bigger than himself. He did what so many people don’t do these days…..he stayed true to his principles and beliefs.

Some may say that Conan was foolish, that he should have accepted the proposed time slot change and kept his mouth shut. Apparently he felt that such a change would be harmful to the success of both his show and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Who knows whether that is the case or not?? No one does really. But I respect a man who not only talks the talk but walks the walk. It is certainly a stark contrast to Leno, who now seems like a used car salesman or a televangelist…someone who will do or say anything to get what he wants and fool the masses into thinking he is a much better person than he is in reality, just another disingenuous poser. In the grand scheme of life late night television does not really have any measurable impact on the importance scale, but for all the laughs the situation provided the past several weeks and because he really does seem like the only honorable player in this dramedy, Conan O’Brien is our Person of the Month.

 

 

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The Sammy Claus Wish List

Being Sammy Claus is kind of like being Frank Sinatra Jr. or the Vice-President…it’s a nice name that wields no real authority. However, in hopes that the real Santa may take a break from supervising the elves and doing important flight prep by surfing The Internet and being a faithful reader of The Manofesto, I have prepared my own list. Go ahead Big Guy…check it twice, verify who has been naughty or nice. But I am pretty sure my own reconnaissance has been thorough and you’ll find everything here in order. And since it is better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35) I am not asking for anything myself…well, atleast not much. My focus here is on the needs and desires of others.

 

The Marshall Thundering Herd…..a new football coach that will lead my alma mater’s gladiators of the gridiron back to the success we had in the 1990’s. I grant you there was some good fortune back then with future NFL players Chad Pennington, Troy Brown, Randy Moss, and Byron Leftwich…and there may have even been some minor cheating. But there’s nothing that says that level of achievement cannot be attained again and more future pro caliber players can’t make a stop in Huntington.


John & Kate and Heidi & Spencer…..sterility and a complete lack of media coverage


The Economy…..tax cuts & job growth. I know it’s a long shot with a socialist President and a liberal Congress, but we’ll deal with those issues in the coming years.


Kanye West…..the most spectacular career crash and burn of all time!!


The WV Mountaineers…..a new special teams coach. I have softened my stance on canning head coach Bill Stewart, but Stew doubles as the special teams coach and it hasn’t worked. A 9-3 finish was surprisingly decent given the lack of energy, skill, and discipline shown at times this season, but a few special teams plays probably cost the Eers atleast 1, possibly 2 additional victories.


The Republican Party…..a triumphant return to conservative values and the emergence of a formidable group of candidates for the 2012 Presidential campaign. Unfortunately I am not talking about Sarah Palin, who is damaged goods and I believe unelectable.


Adam Lambert…..irrelevance. Really dude, get the hell off my TV.


Myself, The Owl, Greg, Sealey, and Slack…..a memorable and dare I say legen…wait for it…wait for it…dary trip to Vegas this summer. This is the year gentlemen. Seriously…I mean it this time!!


Ford Motor Company…..continued success as a non-government run business


Michael Jackson’s children…..a happy, healthy, normal life while enjoying the boatload of cash your freak of a father left you


Carrie Underwood…..the love of a good man…a man that is single, has his own blog, and lives in northcentral WV. Call me. Please.


Algore…..complete , irrefutable, 100% proof that global warming is poppycock


Susan Boyle…..a musical repertoire that goes beyond I Dreamed A Dream


Coach Rich Fraudriguez…..continued ineptitude and complete failure not only at Michigan but wherever you go and in whatever you do professionally and personally. You are the lowest form of excrement the human race has ever produced and not worthy of sharing the same oxygen as even the most vile and wicked piece of dung imaginable.


Universal Health Care…..complete and total defeat


Tiger Woods…..a case of condoms, a good lawyer, and a full time chauffeur


David Letterman…..cancellation


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi…..facial movement. Seriously lady, lay off the botox.


Tim Tebow, soon-to-be former Florida Gators QB…..a case of tissues, because the crying will likely continue at the NFL Draft and on into your rookie season there when you figure out you’re really not THAT good (as if Alabama didn’t drive that point home already)


Jay Leno…..better ratings


Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, & Glen Beck…..continued success teaching the masses about conservatism


Phil Mickelson…..success in overtaking that dirtbag Tiger Woods as the worlds #1 golfer