Christmas

Thoughts On Christmas Shopping

ArtificialPre-LitTreeAnd so it begins. Today is Black Friday. Yesterday most of us celebrated, in some form or fashion, our most underappreciated holiday…Thanksgiving. We got up early for the big parade, we watched a lot of football, and we chowed down on turkey, stuffing, sweet taters, & pumpkin pie. By now though we have moved on. A Christmas movie or two has been watched. Carols are being played. Trees & other decorations are already up or soon will be. We are in full throttle Christmas mode.

 

bf1It is commonly stated that today is the busiest shopping day of the year. I have my doubts about that, but I suppose it is a nifty marketing ploy. Some of you may have already been shopping last night/early this morning. Black Friday has become such a hyped event that the sales now begin the day before, but traditionally…and I use that word with some level of revulsion…it has been a midnight or later kind of thing. Apparently lots of folks are really into it. My old buddy Tony V. in Florida LOVES Black Friday. He plans an intricate strategy. Where he’s going. What he’s buying where. Maps out the route. Gets all the sales flyers & coupons as soon as they become available weeks before. His Black Friday battle plan is better than the U.S. exit strategy from The Middle East. The Pentagon should probably hire him as a consultant. Conversely, I couldn’t possibly care less if a $1000 television is available at WalMart for $35. Perhaps bf2that reflects badly on my grasp of economics, but I prefer to look at it as a prudent decision to be home in my warm bed at 3am snuggling with Rocco and having Wacky Dreams instead of traipsing around battling the elements & encountering humanity wallowing in avaricious excess. I have pondered the idea of participating merely as a sociological exercise, but I always talk myself out of it. If that ever changes citizens of The Manoverse will surely get a firsthand account of the occasion, but don’t hold your breath.

 

There was a time…long ago in the halcyon days of childhood…that I did enjoy the hustle & bustle of the mall at Christmastime. However, a) I didn’t have to drive on slick roads…that was my mother’s problem, b) I didn’t have to find a place to park, c) being in large crowds was fun & exciting, not like now when it is a reason to double the dosage of my blood pressure meds, d) my shopping list was very small & inexpensive, & e) I was a kid who didn’t know any better. Now?? I don’t even enjoy the mall on a boring macysTuesday afternoon in the middle of spring, so the idea of going there when it’s actually crowded & noisy makes me nauseous. There is ONE exception. The local United Way has a spot in the middle of the mall where volunteers from its organizations will wrap your presents for a small donation. They even use ribbons & bows, and I like ribbons & bows. They’re festive. Wrapping gifts isn’t really a talent I possess, so I happily fork over a few bucks to have someone else with such skills do the job for me. I choose a day when the weather isn’t horrible, park as close to the appropriate entrance as I can get, take my plunder to the aforementioned location, and wait patiently until they are done. Then I take my lovely wrapped bundles and get out of Dodge as quickly as possible. Doing this on a weekday does minimize the agony just a bit, and I am lucky to have had employment situations for much of the past two decades that have enabled me to go about things in this manner.

 

angelNow my mother…God bless her soul…always did Christmas shopping the smart way. She’d begin the task as early as the previous spring. I would be totally surprised by a gift on Christmas morning because it was something that I’d casually mentioned wanting back in March and had almost completely forgotten about by the time the holiday season rolled around, but Mom had taken note and bought the thing not long after I’d expressed interest all those months ago. She was the BEST gift giver. Mom would give us things we never knew we’d always wanted. Looking back I now realize that the only reason she endured the hellish retail scene in December was because my sister & I needed/wanted to go. She was already done!! She put up with the mall for US!! What a great mother.

 

driveI know a lot of people that refuse to be confined by the limitations of the local mall or other nearby stores. I live about equal distance…a couple of hours give or take…from both Pittsburgh, PA and West Virginia’s capitol city of Charleston. Both offer much more retail variety than our small town, and some enjoy spending a day or even an entire weekend making the trek to take advantage of that expanded assortment of choices. Not this guy. Because of an auto accident many years ago I have a rather debilitating driving phobia, so the thought of braving the highways & byways of Pittsburgh terrifies me. But even if that weren’t the case I just don’t believe those places have anything THAT great to justify the trip. They pretty much have the same stuff we have here…just more of it. Atleast that’s what I tell myself to justify not being adventurous.

 

shop1Of course shopping malls & retail outlets have largely been rendered pointless because of one thing…The Internet. Yes friends, online shopping is where it’s at!! I already began Christmas shopping earlier this week right here in the comfort of my humble Bachelor Palace. Obviously one can peruse the big sites…Amazon, Ebay, WalMart, etc., but really you can find just about anything in cyberspace if you are persistent in the search. You are only limited by your imagination & bank account. Not only does Christmas shopping online offer almost limitless possibilities, but there are other benefits. You aren’t restricted by the time constraints of when stores open or close. I’m a night owl, so much of my shopping will be done in the wee hours of late night/early morning. Depending on the rules & regulations of your job you may be able to knock out some of your list while at work, atleast on your break or lunch hour. Almost everyone has access to a computer or smartphone at all times these days, right?? You might even make a purchase or two while sitting in traffic!! How cool is that?? Being productive is a good thing. And these trinkets, knick-knacks, deliver1baubles, & doodads that you order are delivered…usually right to your front door!! That’s awesome, especially as the weather deteriorates in December. One just needs to be careful and allow enough time for delivery. Sure Amazon will usually have your stuff to you in just a few days, but a more obscure site won’t be quite so expeditious or will make such rapidity cost prohibitive. There really is no downside to this Internet thing other than identity theft.

 

I do suggest that, even if you’re shopping online, have some kind of strategery. Make a list of who you listwant to buy gifts for and how much you want to spend, both individually and in total. We still have to pay our rent or mortgage, put gas in the vehicle, feed the dog/cat/ferret/fish/amphibian, eat, & buy toiletries. Christmas doesn’t make that stuff go away. Be smart.

 

snoopI do not believe that there is anything wrong with asking someone what they want for Christmas. Ideally if it is someone you are close enough to want to buy a Christmas gift for you have some inclination of what their interests are or what they really need, but let’s be real…we all know those people that are just so darn difficult to shop for. They might lead really tedious lives, or perhaps they’re just really persnickety and won’t be all that captivated by anything you give them. I’ve bought my father more than one gift over the years that I know has ended up collecting dust in a closet in his house because Dad is just kind of stuck in his ways and doesn’t really have any hobbies. When he was young & spry he was a golfer so that was my go-to every Christmas, birthday, & Father’s Day…golf balls, golf tees, golf clothing. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. Sadly those days are gone which makes things a little more challenging, but I still manage. Anyway, if you’re not sure what to get someone ask them…they might surprise you with an idea. Or they might stonewall you with platitudes like “I just want your friendship” or “You don’t need to get me anything. I’ve already got everything”. That’s the kind of stuff I say because I hate being asked what I want for Christmas. It’s awkward. If you run up against someone like me you’ll just have to be a little more Machiavellian in your inquiry.

 

gift-cards-overhead-1-250What about gift cards?? Ehhhhhhh……I go back & forth on this discussion. I think in the right situation with the right person a gift card is acceptable. However, it can also be lazy, uninspired, & totally lacking in imagination. Proceed with caution.

 

VegasExperiences make really cool gifts. Concert tickets. Movie tickets. Game tickets. Plane tickets. Vacation getaways. Although it helps if you’re wealthy if you are giving a trip as a Christmas present. If you’re rich and like to give away vacations please leave a comment on this post. Let’s be friends.

 

 

Of course I want to be REALLY clear about something…Christmas is NOT about shopping or gifts. My nativityinclination is to assume that everyone knows that, but I have to remind myself that everyone doesn’t. A couple of millennia ago a Child was born in a stable. That Child was the Son of God, born with the express purpose of spreading His Word to the masses and then dying for OUR sins. I respect anyone’s right to disagree but I will not apologize for my beliefs or hide behind closed doors whispering to other believers.

 

Wow, that got heavy, didn’t it??

 

merry-christmas-bells-2Okay, so we’ve got about a month of this Christmas thing. There will be music. There will be movies. There will be horribly mawkish drivel on The Hallmark Channel. You will eat cookies & pies and gain weight (don’t go to the doctor for a check-up until spring). And yes, there will be shopping. Is Christmas too commercialized?? Clearly. Have we minimized Jesus in favor of Santa Claus?? Probably. We can play a part in correcting those problems on an individual basis. Having said that, the old maxim “’tis better to give than receive” has validity. Buying someone a Christmas gift is a way to show that we love, respect, & appreciate them. Be prudent. Be original. Show discernment. Enjoy. It’s Christmas…have fun. God bless.

Starbucks, Righteous Indignation, & The War On Thanksgiving

starbucksOn a cool day in the early spring of 2008 I ventured out into the world. This is notable because it was my first time behind the wheel of a car in over two years after having been laid up in hospitals & “skilled” nursing facilities and being homebound due to medical issues that I may have mentioned here once or twice and may or may not talk more about some other day. But since that is not the focus of my current mission I shall move on. At any rate, in the two+ years that I was out of commission (I call it My Unfortunate Incarceration) a couple of things had changed in my modest little hometown…we had gotten a Blockbuster Video and a Starbucks!! Now I realize that may not seem very stimulating to most, especially since Blockbuster has since gone out of business and every town in America seems to have multiple Starbucks at this point…but almost a decade ago this was a big deal in my world. First of all this town isn’t that exciting. It’s Mayberry-esque, except with meth clinics, unethical politicians, homeless people, & strippers. Secondly, I had been locked up alone & bored for more than two years. My life consisted of Becker reruns, nurses, & MySpace. Upon that initial re-entry into blockbustersociety just about anything would have seemed fun, and experiencing two places that I’d always heard about but never been to sounded awesome. Blockbuster turned out to be much like other video stores I’d frequented only twice as expensive. I never went back. And since there was still the slightest remnant of winter in the air & I’m not that much of a coffee guy I decided to get a hot chocolate at Starbucks. I quickly surmised that I had a box of Swiss Miss packets at home that tasted a lot better and were way cheaper. I’ve never been back and hadn’t really given Starbucks much thought…until recently.

 

There is a “controversy” brewing (HA!! Pun alert!!) due to the fact that Starbucks has apparently dissed Christmas and will be using plain red cups this holiday season.

 

O M G !! The HORROR!!!!

 

Y’all know I’m not big about in-depth research, but I am assuming a couple of things. First, I guess Starbucks writes the customer’s name on their cup?? Is this to avoid confusion?? Is it some sort of self-esteem/validation thing?? I have no idea. Secondly, Starbucks must have previously had more festive cups at Christmastime and has decided to go simple & basic this year, kind of like when Regis Philbin popularized solid color ties about 15 years ago.

 

jf2I gleaned the name thing from online “preacher” Joshua Feuerstein, a dude known for posting evangelically themed videos on YouTube. He’s what my old ESPN nemesis Colin Cowherd would call a “backward hat wearing guy”, a fashion choice that speaks poorly of an adult male’s maturity & intelligence (George Carlin once called it an abomination). On top of that Feuerstein evokes a faux radio/preachy voice and looks disturbingly like alleged actor Kevin James (aka Paul Blart Mall Cop). The combination is creepy to the point of distracting from his message, and now that message is a movement wherein one would go into Starbucks and tell the barista (is that the right terminology??) that their name is Merry Christmas, thereby “tricking” the server into writing Merry Christmas on the cup. Inspired?? Subversive?? Rebellious?? Clever?? Well, maybe if you’re a ten year old whose idea of cinematic genius is Jurassic Park or someone who ever thought boy bands were cool. To most of us grownups it seems a bit juvenile.

 

My man Rush Limbaugh calls our nation The United States of the Offended, and he isn’t wrong. Now, let’s be honest…there are things about which Christians have a right to be perturbed. God, Jesus, The Bible, & anything related to Christianity has become a bigger target with each passing year over the past few decades. That’s not imaginary. But questions arise. What exactly should offend us?? What should our reaction be?? My answers have evolved a bit over time.

 

As my friend Don pointed out on social media, folks have been disparaging Jesus since His birth. This is not a new thing. In the jesuslmb9th chapter of Luke, when Jesus was rejected by a Samaritan village, James & John (aka the Sons of Thunder) wanted to call fire down on them from Heaven (the Biblical equivalent of a boycott), but Jesus wasn’t having it. As a matter of fact, He opined that He had come to save lives, not destroy them. He & His disciples simply walked away and went someplace a bit more receptive. This is something that Christians struggle with…me included. The fact is that not everyone is ready to hear The Good News of Jesus Christ. Some may never be responsive to the message. Does that mean that we just give up?? No…but it does mean that we may need to look in the mirror and re-examine our approach. I disagree with those who whine about Christians “shoving our beliefs down others’ throats”. I don’t think that is the accepted or prevalent methodology. It seems to me that proponents of “alternative”, progressive, deviant lifestyles & principles are much more vociferous in trying to standardize & promote their choices. However, we Christians sometimes get caught up in absurdity like coffee cups, and when we do it certainly doesn’t reflect well on The Lord or accurately communicate His wisdom. Perhaps if we focused inwardly, recognized the plank in our own eye, tried to better imitate Christ, & let our light shine before others, it would be a more productive & fruitful strategery.

 

It is true that political correctness has become a malignant blemish that is slowly eating away at the fabric of daily American life, and God is often the target of the PC Police. It can be frustrating. Yet Isiah 41:0 says “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God”. Jesus tells His disciples in John 16:33 “in the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” 1 Peter 5:7 instructs us to “cast all our cares upon Him”. James 1:19 says that we should be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”. Joshua 1:9 exhorts us to “be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go”. Exodus 14:14 says that “the Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace”. It is difficult to completely ignore some of the things that go on around us, but we can control our response to those circumstances. I’m not really into boycotts. In this particular case I plan on neither rejecting Starbucks nor telling them my name is Merry Christmas, mostly because I haven’t frequented the place in years and don’t see that changing. But there have been other situations…restaurants that promoted sociopolitical beliefs contrary to my own, actors or singers who spouted some kind of nonsense, retail outlets who donated to causes or candidates that I didn’t particularly like…and it dawned on me that cutting those entities out of my life hurt only me. Does anyone truly believe that a few people getting upset at a billion dollar corporation will elicit some sort of change in policy?? Maybe occasionally, but mostly it is empty, meaningless rhetoric. If it makes you feel better though, go for it…it’s a free country. To thine own self be true.

 

thanksA meme I saw online awhile back said something to the effect of keeping Christ in Christmas means feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, forgiving the guilty, caring for the sick, welcoming strangers, & loving our enemies. I’m not one to rail against many of the secular trappings of our modern Christmas. I dig Rudolph & Frosty, singing carols, drinking eggnog, lights on the tree, & buying nice presents for my family. However, all of those things do seem to have obscured the true meaning of Christmas for many of us. Not only that, but we are in such a hurry to get to all that fun & delight that we almost totally ignore Thanksgiving, which used to be one of our most sacred holidays. The early settlers would have multiple days of Thanksgiving in any given year and they’d spend those days in church worshiping & praising God for all their blessings. When was the last time we did that?? These days retail outlets don’t even close for Thanksgiving and it has been reduced to a parade, football games, a big turkey, & some pie. Gripe all you want about a “war” on Christmas, but ateast it hasn’t been ignored & forgotten simply because no one outside of Butterball, Macy’s, Kraft, & your local grocery chain has figured out how to make a few bucks from it. Myles Standish & William Bradford would be much more horrified by our flippant treatment of Thanksgiving than the lack of snowflakes & ornaments on a coffee cup.

 

In the book of Matthew Jesus talks about turning the other cheek. While I do not believe that this indicates that we should always let people run roughshod over us I do think it means that we should pick our battles and seek wisdom. Way back in the 1960’s The Byrds wrote a catchy little tune called Turn, Turn, Turn, with the lyrics being copied almost verbatim from the third chapter of the Book of Ecclesiastes. In those verses we are counseled that there is “a time to break down and a time to build up”, “a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing”, “a time to keep and a time to throw away”, “a time to keep silence and a time to speak”. From everything that I have read the past few days most people with any sense don’t think that coffee cups are worthy of our outrage. It would be more…useful…to go into Starbucks or any other restaurant and buy some coffee or a meal for someone who would legitimately benefit from it. In the upcoming holiday season take time to smile. Wish someone a Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or even just a simple “have a nice day”. Appreciate the lights & music. Eat some pumpkin pie. Praise God. Worship Him. Watch Clark Griswold, George Bailey, Charlie Brown, & Ralphie. Love your neighbors. Pray. Ask for wisdom & guidance. Don’t get bent out of shape about trivialities. Drink a grande, non-fat, soy caramel macchiato if you want. Enjoy. Spoiler alert: Jesus wins. It’s going to be okay.

The Sammy Claus Wish List 2014

Former President Calvin Coolidge once said that “Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” It goes without saying that we should be merciful and exhibit goodwill all year round, but hey…if you can only muster such geniality & compassion a few weeks per year then atleast that’s a start and now is the moment. At any rate, it’s time to present the 6th annual Sammy Claus Wish List. Let me remind you that, in my limited role as tree02Sammy Claus, I wield no genuine authority to bequeath these gifts. My job is to make suggestions and hope that the Jolly Old Elf up at the North Pole is a citizen of The Manoverse and deems it appropriate to fill folks’ stockings as I have proposed. In the previous five years we have actually had quite a bit of success. The original list in 2009 hoped that John & Kate and Heidi & Spencer would go away. The fact that many of you are now asking “Who are they??” is evidence of our achievement. In 2010 we requested a new stadium for the Minnesota Vikings. That new stadium is now under construction and set to open in 2016. That same year we asked for a college football playoff and for Time-Warner Cable to offer the NFL Network. Done and done. In 2012 we wished for the return of Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, & other delicious snacks that went away when Hostess imploded. Those treats are indeed back on the shelves at your local supermarket. We also hoped for the extinguishing of The Big East in 2012, and not long after that the football conference shut down. Now only a revised and still pretty decent basketball conference (the original idea anyway) remains. Last year we yearned for a new NASCAR champion and we got one. Jimmie Johnson made The Chase but was eliminated. Bob Hope once stated that ““when we recall Christmas past we usually find that the simplest things…not the great occasions…give off the greatest glow of happiness.” Seeing the gifts on this list bestowed in real life makes me happy. Cheerful reading, and may this Christmas season find you blessed & healthy.

 

 

 

The White House
extra sprinklers & fire extinguishers while the current President continues to set fire to the U.S. Constitutioncon1

 

iTunes Users
another free U2 album…whether you want it or not

 

Officer Darren Wilson
peace, safety, & a new job in a better town

 

Star Wars Fansswars
a new hope as The Force awakens

 

Former U.S. Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV)
A happy retirement. Good riddance you old out-of-touch carpetbagger.

 

Fans of Frozen
the wherewithal to let it go

 

Janay Palmer Rice
self-respect, strength, & the courage to eventually walk awayjp

 

Jimmy Fallon
the ability to focus on his guests instead of indulging his own narcissism

 

College Football
a fair, logical, & transparent playoff system

 

The White House
an extra powerful vacuum to clean up as the current President shreds the U.S. Constitutioncon3

 

Former UAB Football Players & Staff
a new home & success in whatever is next

 

Bill Cosby & His Alleged Victims
the truth…one way or another

 

Donald Sterling
tickets to a rap concertsterling2

 

American Schoolchildren
a return to fulfilling & appetizing meals for lunch

 

Kim Kardashian
a pair of pants (size XL)

 

ESPN
more sports, less sociopolitical commentary & obvious bias

 

David Letterman
A happy retirement. You were brilliant for two decades. I’m so sorry you became a weary & bitter old man.letterman

 

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell
to be trapped in an elevator with Ray Rice

 

John Travolta
reading glasses

 

The White House
extra toilet paper & air freshener while the current President continues to take a huge crap all over the U.S. Constitutioncon2

 

California
lower taxes & rain

 

The Pittsburgh Steelers
a new defensive backfield

 

Business Owners in Ferguson, MO
economic recoveryferguson-looting-4

 

Fans of Honey Boo Boo
books…lots of books…..

 

The View
continued irrelevance & eventual cancellation

 

Florida St. QB Jameis Winston
A short, miserable, unproductive, non-lucrative NFL career. Stupidity shouldn’t be rewarded.

 

Craig Ferguson
Happiness & success in future endeavors. I regret not discovering the hilarity of your Late Late Show until it was almost over.craigferguson_big

 

 

 

As has become tradition I shall end with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

Santa-and-Jesus“Lots of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give…of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

The 2013 Sammy Claus Wish List

Boys & girls, first a healthy dose of the truth. Sammy Claus has really struggled to find the Christmas spirit in 2013. There are a variety of reasons for that…..a hundred mostly insignificant things that I won’t bore the masses with. Suffice to say that I haven’t always felt the presence of God in my life lately. Now let me be clear… I have never and will never doubt the existence of God. He is real. I have just had alot of questions recently about His role in my life. As usual though it was my friend The Owl who set me on the right path by reminding me that God is in control only if we allow Him to be, and that of course is the issue…..I have not truly let God be in control of my life. That needs to change…..and it will. Maybe we’ll dive deeper into that topic some other time. Now though it is time for the 5th annual Wish List. As always I must remind you that I have no particular power to make these wishes come true and can only hope that The Jolly One himself up in The North Pole is a citizen of The Manoverse and will see fit to help things along. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.

_____

Obamacare ocare

repeal

_____

Jimmy Fallon fallon

much success as he takes over The Tonight Show

_____

People who “axe” a question instead of “ask” one dunce

the strength & perseverance to put away those x’s and find their s’s and k’s – I know you can do it

_____

Speaker of the House John Boehner bn

a box of tissues and some testosterone

_____

Pittsburgh Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin Tomlin

a spot in the next cast of Dancing with the Stars

_____

Paula Deen deen

the last laugh

_____

Twitter & Facebook twfb

an “Are you sure you want to post this??” button and maybe a 10 minute waiting period

_____

NASCAR smoke

a new champion – Jimmie Johnson bores me

_____

Black Friday thanksgiving-turkey-dinner

a return to normalcy (whatever that means in regards to Black Friday) – let us have Thanksgiving back

_____

San Diego Chargers LB Manti Teo teo

a real live girlfriend

_____

Ben Affleck AffleckBatman

best of luck as the new Batman…seriously

_____

President Barack Hussein Obama & First Lady MeeShell “My Belle” Obama obama

an ounce of class

_____

Autocorrect texting

Extinction. It’s an unnecessary & faulty technology. If you don’t know how to spell you don’t need to own a smartphone.

_____

Alec Baldwin alec

anger management classes

_____

Dennis Rodman rodman

South Korean citizenship. Y’all can have him… he serves no useful purpose here.

_____

George Zimmerman zim

better decision making skills

_____

The Star Trek Franchise trek

an awesome new director now that JJ Abrams is moving on to revive Star Wars

*******************

As has become tradition I shall end with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

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p class=”MsoNormal”>“Lots of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on SantaJesus764a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give…of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

Heroes & Heels…..A Summer 2013 Retrospective

Well, I guess it is officially autumn. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Pumpkins, sunshiny 50 degree days, candy corn, football, the smell of cinnamon & cloves, warm apple pie, hot vegetable soup, The World Series…it’s all good. But before we fully embrace fall & all it has to offer let us take a moment to say a fond farewell to glorious summer. You may have noticed that I have not done a Heroes & Heels since the May edition. At some point I decided it would be a good idea to wait three months and do a summer retrospective H&H combining everyone who grabbed my attention over the course of three months. Now that the time has come to deliver I’m not so sure it was such a great idea, but nevertheless we shall forge ahead. So as always these are the people…dating back to June…who I feel deserve some measure of admiration or contempt. Enjoy!!

 

 

 

 

Roy Costner IV

Mr. Costner was the 2013 valedictorian of the graduating class of Liberty High School in Liberty, South Carolina. Apparently Thumbs_upthat school district has bent over and allowed the ACLU and the heinous Freedom From Religion Foundation to push all prayer from any kind of public events. But Costner is the kind of Christian we all should aspire to be and in the midst of giving his school approved (of course) speech at the commencement ceremony he tore up his written remarks, thanked his parents for leading him to Christ at a young age, and recited The Lord’s Prayer. Sometimes it takes courage…and faith…to do the right thing.

 

Aaron Hernandez

If I have to tell you why this moron is here you must have been living in a cave for the past few months.frowny-face

 

The Supreme Court

In June The Supreme Court continued to contribute to the decaying of America by ruling that “married” gay frowny-facecouples are entitled to the same federal benefits as real (one man & one woman…like The Bible says) married couples.

 

Bill O’Reilly

O’Reilly is one of the conservative pariahs…alongside Rush Limbaugh & Sean Hannity…that liberals like Al Sharpton love to Thumbs_updemonize. But it turns out that Sharpton is a liar (shocker!!). After Sharpton twisted O’Reilly’s words one more time back in August O’Reilly responded by revealing that he had once donated $25k to one of Sharpton’s charities to buy Christmas presents and Christmas dinners for hundreds of poor people in Harlem. Oh those evil conservatives!!

 

Montia Marie Parke

Miss Parke is the complete opposite of Roy Costner IV. She is a Minnesota high school cheerleader who somehow frowny-facemanaged to force a mentally impaired classmate into prostitution. To anyone who has ever whined & cried about something called “cyberbullying”…you just need to shut up now. This is actual bullying.

 

Don Thompson

Thompson is the CEO of McDonald’s. In response to a particularly precocious 9 year old’s question a few months ago at a frowny-facepublic Q&A inquiring as to why the fast food giant “tricks kids into eating food that isn’t good for them by using toys and cartoon characters” Thompson assured the little girl that McDonald’s “doesn’t sell junk food” and trumpeted the plethora of healthy options on the menu. You know…like the Premium Southwest Chicken Salad that’s only 450 calories and 21 grams of fat.

 

Pima Community College

Terri Bennett is a nursing student. She requested that the college enforce the use of English in her classes after several of frowny-faceher labs, group studies, & clinicals were conducted in Spanish…a language in which she is not fluent. In response school administrators called Ms. Bennett a bigot and suspended her for 9 months. This college is in Arizona. One of the 50 states of the United States of America…where we speak English. Someone needs to remind the politically correct suits at this school of those things.

 

Maurkice & Mike Pouncey

Maurkice is my boy. He’s a fantastic center for my Pittsburgh Steelers. But a couple of months ago he & his twin brother frowny-face(who plays for the Miami Dolphins) pulled a bonehead move by wearing “Free Hernandez” caps in reference to their college teammate Aaron Hernandez. Sorry gentlemen…I know all about “innocent until proven guilty”, but public sentiment isn’t with you on this one and sometimes it’s best to keep your opinion to yourself.

 

Leah Remini

TV actress & talk show host Remini was one of many celebrities who got sucked into the cult of Scientology. But a couple ofThumbs_up months ago she finally wised up and ditched Tom Cruise, John Travolta, & all their weirdo buddies. Better late than never. Good for her.

 

Michael Dyson

Dyson is a sociology professor at Georgetown University and a frequent talking head on MSNBC. A few months ago, afterfrowny-face the Zimmerman verdict was announced, he made an analogy comparing how black folks felt about that whole deal to how many of us felt after 9/11. I guess it isn’t shocking that MSNBC employs such an offensive idiot, and even less astonishing that he’s a college professor.

 

Charles Dickens Primary School in Hampshire, England

Luke Blagden is a 10 year old student at the school. He was thirsty. It was a hot day. His teacher wouldn’t allow him to get a frowny-facedrink of water. Why?? Because there were a few of his Muslim classmates who were fasting for Ramadan and “it wouldn’t be fair to them” for Luke to be able to quench his thirst. And yet Christians are the ones who constantly get accused of ramming our beliefs down others’ throats. Hypocrisy at its worst.

 

Rolling Stone           

The 40 year old pop culture magazine put Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of its August issue. I suppofrowny-facese we shouldn’t be shocked. This is the same piece of journalistic garbage that once put Charles Manson on its cover in 1970.

 

Holy Trinity School & The Diocese of San Diego

Carie Charlesworth was a 2nd grade teacher at a private school in San Diego, CA…until she was fired in April following a frowny-faceJanuary incident in which her abusive husband showed up at school and the powers-that-be put the whole place in lockdown. Ms. Charlesworth spoke out about the situation this summer. I understand that the safety of the children is one of the school officials’ primary responsibilities, but it seems very very wrong to blame a person for their spouse’s abusive behavior. And we wonder why an estimated 70% of domestic violence situations go unreported.

 

Ashton Kutcher

I’ve never been a big fan of Kutcher. He always seemed like kind of a dufus and none of the TV shows or movies he’s Thumbs_upstarred in have really frosted my cupcake. However, a few months ago he really impressed the heck out of me and probably a lot of other people when accepting a Teen Choice Award. His speech was thoughtful, genuine, & chockfull of sage advice. He told the youngsters in the audience that “opportunity looks a lot like hard work” and said that he “never had a job in my life that I was better than”. He said that “the sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, thoughtful, and generous” and that “everything else is crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less so don’t buy it.” Then he wrapped up by relaying something he’d learned from late Steve Jobs which is that “everything around us that we call life was made up by people who are no smarter than you and you can build your own life that other people can live in. So build a life. Don’t live one, build one.” It may have been one of the best acceptance speeches any artist has ever given, so kudos to Mr. Kutcher.

 

Ships of the Sea Maritime Museum in Marietta, GA

A few months ago 11 year old Lexi Haas and her family attempted to visit the museum while on vacation. Lexi was denied frowny-faceentrance because her wheelchair might dirty the precious carpet inside the museum. Apparently the facility has its own (I assume squeaky clean) wheelchair that handicapped people are invited to use while visiting. As a person in wheelchair I can confidently say that this is unacceptable. I am NOT going to go thru all the hassle of transferring out of my own very expensive wheelchair that is specially fitted for me just for a bit of entertainment. It’s not worth the aggravation. There are other entertainment options. For anyplace to ask a person to do that is extremely offensive. To their credit Lexi’s family declined to pursue legal action and took the high road of simply exposing the stupidity of the museum.

 

Hunter Mahan

Mahan is a professional golfer who had the lead going into the final round of the Canadian Open in July. However, upon Thumbs_uphearing that his wife had gone into labor with their first child 31 year old Mahan immediately withdrew from the tournament and was present for the birth of his daughter. It’s nice to see a pro athlete with his priorities in order.

 

Temar Boggs & Chris Garcia

These two young men were simply helping a friend move some furniture in Lancaster, PA back in July when they were Thumbs_upinformed by police that a local 5 year old girl had been kidnapped. Boggs & Garcia, age 15, took off on their bicycles to search the neighborhood. Upon spotting the vehicle with the girl & the kidnapper the boys gave chase. The kidnapper became spooked and released the girl, after which Boggs & Garcia took her to the police. I never did hear whether the kidnapper was caught, but the important thing is that the little girl is safe. Good things happen when teenagers put away the video games and go outide.

 

President George Bush

In July the first President Bush…at age 89…shaved his head in support of the 2 year old son of one his Secret Service Thumbs_upagents. The little boy is battling leukemia. It certainly makes one wistfully recall the bygone days when Presidents had class & decency.

 

Marlon Wayans

Have any of the Wayans brothers done anything of note since In Living Color went off the air two decades ago?? Anyway, frowny-facethis irrelevant moron had a bit of a meltdown on Twitter after the Zimmerman verdict was announced in July, tweeting things like “the jury just said ‘fuck niggas’!!! We are officially game, like deer” and “black parents hold your kids at home because apparently killing black children is okay”. Maybe if he could act half as good as he overreacts he’d be a working actor and wouldn’t have so much free time to spend on Twitter.

 

Diana Nyad

On September 2nd Nyad became the first person to ever swim 110 miles from Cuba to Florida without the protection of aThumbs_up shark cage. I am reminded of the Austrian gentleman who skydived from space last year. There doesn’t seem to be any logical reason why these folks do this kind of stuff rather than get a normal job like you & me except that they’re just wired differently. To that I say kudos because it makes the world a much more interesting place.

 

Miley Cyrus

Come on…you didn’t really think I’d forget about this talentless little tart did you?frowny-face?

 

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Superfluous 7…..Overlooked & Underrated Christmas Songs

Is there a difference between a carol and just a plain ol’ Christmas song?? The common view looks to be in the affirmative, but what exactly the separation point is can be debated. Strictly speaking a carol will always talk of The Nativity. So favorites like Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, Joy to the World, and O Holy Night obviously qualify. But what about standards like White Christmas, Jingle Bells, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)?? I think in most peoples’ minds they too would be considered carols. At any rate, it is an interesting if completely frivolous discussion and that isn’t my purpose today. Rather my intended mission on this lovely December morning is to give recognition to some songs that might go unnoticed by the masses. They aren’t songs that you’ll sing on your church’s trek through the neighborhood or a visit to the local old folks’ home, and they aren’t songs that you’ll hear on the radio as much as Frosty the Snowman, anything by Mannheim Steamroller and Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or that wonderfully silly Grinch theme song that I have literally heard atleast three times a day in my truck on the local 24 hour Christmas music station every day for the past two weeks. These are tunes that you might hear occasionally on the radio and possibly on your Music Choice Sounds of the Seasons station (God bless you Time Warner Cable) every once in a blue moon. And they all have one thing in common…your humble Potentate of Profundity thinks they rock. I have already covered the traditional Christmas carol scene, so let’s go off the beaten path a little bit as The Manofesto proudly presents…..

 

 

from the home office in Eggnog, UT…..

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Overlooked & Underrated Christmas Songs:

 

 

 

7              Dominick the Donkey – Lou Monte

We all know about Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, but have you heard about Dominick the Italian Christmas donkey??  He’s cute, he doesn’t kick, and apparently he has to help Santa in Italy because the reindeer can’t climb the hills. I guess they can’t fly in Italy either?? Odd. Anyway, this tune is what I would describe as infectious, and I mean that in a good way, not in the itchy, red, “Oh crap I shouldn’t have gone home with that crazy sorority chick last weekend” kind of way.

 

6              Snoopy’s Christmas – The Royal Guardsmen

Novelty songs have sequels?? Who knew?? However, much like Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan and Genesis with Phil Collins (instead of Peter Gabriel), the original is all but forgotten while the follow-up is much better. In this case the original is a song written in 1966 less than a month after Charles Shultz’s first comic strip featuring Snoopy’s Walter Mitty-esque obsession with the infamous WW1 German fighter pilot, which seems a bit rushed. The sequel is a catchy tune written a year later which references the historical Christmas Truce during which German & British troops enjoyed a brief ceasefire on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day in 1914.


 

5              Christmas Time Is Here – Vince Guaraldi

It’s probably a bit of a stretch to call this overlooked. We hear it every year when TV broadcasts the superb 1965 animated special A Charlie Brown Christmas. But it’s the show that gets the love…the music is just in the background. However, the music itself is stupendous. Charles Shultz had to fight a real battle not only to get the memorable Biblical quote into the show but also to use the Vince Guaraldi Trio because it was felt that a jazzy score was not the way to go for a children’s show. Thank God Mr. Shultz won the argument. The lyrical rendition, which speaks of happiness & cheer, olden times & ancient rhymes, and families drawing near is excellent. But as a jazz lover I actually prefer the soulful, melancholy, soothing instrumental version. Your mileage may vary.

 

4              It’s Christmas Time Pretty Baby – Elvis Presley

Who doesn’t like Elvis?? But while his Blue Christmas (one of my favorites) gets all the love we should not forget about this bluesy little ditty in which Santa Claus is said to be driving a big black Cadillac. If you like the blues you’ll like it, if you don’t then you might not. It gets a little play on the radio and on Music Choice, but I could stand to hear it more often.

 

3              Christmas in Killarney – Bing Crosby

Crosby’s silky voice is ubiquitous during the Christmas season, but we usually hear him singing White Christmas, that Little Drummer Boy deal he did with David Bowie, and maybe It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas,  Adeste Fideles, or I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Even Mele Kalikimaka gets much love due to its use in the 1989 holiday classic National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. But let’s take a moment to give props to this beguiling little Irish jig written in 1950. I quite like it!!

 

2              Please Come Home for Christmas – The Eagles/Bon Jovi

The Christmas season isn’t jolly for everyone. It has the double-edged burden of being both the happiest and saddest time of the year. The gloom may not be much fun for most, but it’s a gold mine for songwriters. Some of the best Christmas tunes are also rather sorrowful. Songs like Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas & The Christmas Shoes effectively capitalize on the holiday dichotomy. For my money one of the best of the genre is this poignant song about a guy whose baby is gone and who has no friends. The most well-known covers are by The Eagles and Bon Jovi, who just happen to be two of my favorite bands.

 

1              All I Want For Christmas Is You – Vince Vance & The Valiants

Everybody knows about the Mariah Carey song of the same name. I am not saying that is necessarily a bad tune, but this one is completely different and oh so much cooler. Vince Vance & the Valiants is one of those bands who never really made it to the big time but have just quietly been doing their thing for about 30 years. Other than the 1980 novelty song Bomb Iran (a parody of The Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann), this Christmas tune is their one notable contribution to pop culture, and I absolutely adore it. I must give credit to my friend The Owl for introducing me to it some years ago. Whenever it comes on the radio or Music Choice (which is not often enough) I immediately stop whatever I am doing and listen.

 

 

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Thanksgiving, Black Friday, & The Christmas Creep

Happy Holidays citizens of The Manoverse!! Alas, today I come not to praise our most wonderful time of the year, but to express a bit of frustration.

 

Yesterday we celebrated that most American of holidays…Thanksgiving. We’ll look at the holiday itself a little closer this time next year because I am currently reading a delightful book about its history, but I just ran out of time to finish it before the big day itself came & went. However, for now let me just say that I feel bad for Thanksgiving. It really has begun to get lost in the shuffle the past decade or so. We don’t appreciate Thanksgiving on its own merits anymore. Instead we look at it merely as the kickoff to the Christmas season. If Christmas is the Super Bowl then Thanksgiving is the pre-game show to which people don’t bother giving their full attention. There was a time, believe it or not, in colonial America that Thanksgiving was the main event and Christmas wasn’t even commemorated. Thanksgiving was a celebration that lasted for several days in reverence to God and the blessings that He had seen fit to bestow. Somehow we’ve gone from that deeply spiritual sense of appreciation to treating Thanksgiving like a Nascar pit stop where we take just a few minutes out of our busy schedule to stuff our faces with turkey, stuffing, & pie and maybe watch a football game before rushing to the mall for some retail therapy. All we care about is that we have a paid day off from the job we hate and get a free pass on our diet for the day. Those things aren’t necessarily bad (because really…who doesn’t enjoy a day off & a big hunk o’ pie??), but they should be secondary benefits, not the main focus of our gratitude.

 

Things have gotten progressively crazier over the past decade with the growth of a phenomenon called Black Friday. The term itself was coined back in the 60’s or 70’s, and interestingly was originally an environmentalist wacko reference. It alluded to the increased traffic that clogs up the streets (and pollutes the air) on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Eventually it evolved to mean the day when retailers go “in the black”, i.e. when their year becomes profitable. Black Friday has long been lauded as the busiest shopping day of the year, but I have my doubts as to whether or not that is always the case. Logic dictates that “the busiest shopping day of the year” would be a moving target, changing annually based on a plethora of circumstances. At any rate, when I was a kid, if memory serves me correctly, there were always the occasional “midnight madness” sales, but the whole thing wasn’t this huge nationwide event. In the past several years the idea has blown up and taken on a life of its own. At first stores would open up at 5 or 6 in the morning. Then it became 3am. Eventually it became the norm for most places to begin the insanity at midnight. And now, in 2012, establishments like Target & K-Mart actually opened up on the evening of Thanksgiving. So Black Friday actually began on Thursday. I grew up in an era when blue laws were still in effect. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that malls and other outlets began opening up on Sunday, so it is hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of anything other than essential services like hospitals & police departments being open for business on a major holiday.

 

Society has been lamenting the commercialization of Christmas for decades. It is even referenced by a character in the classic 1947 holiday film Miracle on 34th Street. And it just keeps getting more appalling every year. Thanksgiving and Christmas used to be their own distinguishable holidays. Then they became connected when the former began being marketed as the official kickoff of the latter. All the sudden instead of two distinct days on the calendar we had an entire, month long holiday season. Personally I’ve never had a huge issue with that because, as I have written here abundantly I love everything about the holidays. I love the lights. I love the movies. I love the food. I love the music. I believe it is alright to enjoy the peripheral accoutrements associated with Christmas as long as we always maintain our focus on the true reason for the season, which is of course the birth of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. However, I am a bit disturbed at the direction things have taken in recent years.

 

First of all I am not at all convinced that there is much of a focus on The Lord anymore. Did you know that in the early days of our nation folks used to spend nearly the entire Thanksgiving Day in church?? Of course this isn’t just a holiday problem…it’s a year round issue. It has become quite popular to hate God in America these days. We’ve pushed Him out of nearly every facet of public life and really don’t heed His words much in our personal lives. That is a much bigger topic than I want to go into at the moment, but suffice to say that the whole purpose of Thanksgiving & Christmas is quickly becoming entirely lost in our modern society.

 

Secondly, as much as I love all the ancillary trappings of the holiday season I do think there should be limits. Things have progressed (or regressed, depending on one’s perspective) to the point that stores begin selling Christmas related items, radio stations start playing carols, television airs holiday films, and people decorate their homes as early as October. We definitely gloss over Thanksgiving, and oftentimes begin “celebrating” Christmas even before Halloween!! I do NOT like walking into WalMart or any other retailer and seeing a Christmas tree in October. #22 of my 35 Undeniable Truths of Life is that “It’s always about the money. Always.”, and there is no denying that the Christmas Creep is driven by greed. Look, I get it. I understand that there is very little profit to be made from Thanksgiving outside of turkey & the other various foodstuffs involved and that Christmas has become a huge cottage industry that can make or break the bottom line for a lot of businesses. But I also feel like there are other forces at work.

 

I believe that we are a very unhappy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied society. Political correctness & hatred of God have become inescapably pervasive. One has to be careful about words spoken and actions taken because everyone is so easily offended. The economy is bad and jobs are scarce or inadequate. We try many things to fill the void…alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, mindless entertainment. So when Christmas rolls around we have developed a habit of jumping the gun. We decorate the house a few weeks sooner, look forward to shopping for our loved ones, and don’t seem to mind the music & movies being played in October. Christmas makes us happy, and we are desperately seeking happiness. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing, but I still think we should tread lightly. It’s human to want what we cannot have. What the Christmas industry has done (and I can’t honestly blame them) is give us what we want. They understand that Rudolph, twinkle lights, wrapping paper, and Bing Crosby put a smile on our face. Christmas is a drug and Best Buy, WalMart, Sears, and all the rest are dealers. The problem with getting high is the inevitable low, which in the case of Christmas Creep is the backlash and desensitization to the magical wonder that is Christmas.

 

It is ironic that this is the time of year when one frequently hears the old maxim that “good things come in small packages”, yet we have taken what was once a couple of very lovely days on the calendar and made them into a stretch of time that lasts more than a quarter of our year. I do not leave the comfort of The Bachelor Palace on Black Friday for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that a day that involves a sea of humanity isn’t comfortable for a guy who has grown increasingly exasperated by human beings. To paraphrase Popeye’s pal Wimpy, I’ll gladly pay extra next week for an item that you got today for an awesome discount. I sincerely enjoyed my Thanksgiving, and do my best to appreciate the blessings that God has given me. I had a great meal and enjoyed a lovely day with family. I will embrace the Christmas season with my usual verve & childlike delight. But above all else I will continue to give thanks to God, who gave his only begotten Son so that I could have the opportunity to enjoy eternal life. There is nothing wrong with giving (and receiving) gifts, company parties, hoping Ralphie doesn’t shoot his eye out, or roasting chestnuts on an open fire. I just don’t want to wake up one day and end up doing those things in the summer.

 

 

 

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The State of The Manofesto 2012

It’s hard to believe we are halfway thru the first month of a new year!! Time flies when you’re having fun…and even when you’re not. So we may as well have fun, right?? At any rate, this feels like the right time for your humble Potentate of Profundity to once again take inventory and assess things here at my own rest stop on the ol’ Info Superhighway.

 

This site will hit its 3rd anniversary in April of this year, and I have felt just in the past few months like I am hitting my stride and achieving a certain level of comfort. I know what The Manofesto is, what it isn’t, and what I’d like it to be. That’s not to say that it will not continue to evolve & grow because that will hopefully always happen, but  what I write is a reflection of who I am and where I’m at in my journey, so therefore as I become more steady in my life that should shine through here. What that means specifically for The Manofesto in 2012 encompasses a few things.

 

First, I have begun to back away just a bit from the political stuff. It just doesn’t interest me as much these days. I don’t listen to my boys Rush & Hannity nearly as much as I used to, not because I don’t agree with them but moreso because I’m not sure the constant bantering about does much to solve the problems we face. I’ve reached a point where I desire more tranquility & stillness. Television, media, technology, etc. all too often become one big bundle of noise that just adds to the confusion & tumult of life. That doesn’t mean I am going completely off the grid or moving to the woods like Thoreau (although that’s not a bad idea), and it certainly doesn’t mean that I no longer have strong opinions. It’s just that I know what I know, think what I think, and believe what I believe, so I don’t really have an overwhelming desire to dive into the muck and mix it up with all the Godless, soulless, open-minded, multicultural, inclusive, anti-Christian, anti-American, baby killing, hedonistic heathenry. I’m not going to change their misguided little minds, so why, as my friend The Owl might say, add to the strife??

 

Secondly, I need to get back to God. It’s not that I’ve drifted completely away, but in 2011 I experienced some dissonance with the human construct known as religion precisely because I began to see thru the disingenuousness & superficiality, the fear of change, the going thru the motions, and the mistaking of habit for tradition. Unfortunately I feel like I have gone too far in the other direction, letting my disappointment progress into bitterness and allowing my melancholy to take over my heart & mind. That’s probably not going to change overnight, but there are steps that can be taken. Most of what needs to be done is “real world” stuff, but here at The Manofesto what I want to do is take some of the focus that has been on frustrating socioeconomic topics and put it on more faith centered subject matter. To that end I will soon begin an analysis of the books of The Bible, studying & writing about each book individually or in a cluster when appropriate. I think we all know this task will end up spread out over the next few years, so I’m not even going to estimate a date of completion. Also we will, of course, continue looking at The Fruits of the Spirit and The Sermon on the Mount, plus dive into whatever else The Voices yell at me about.

 

The tranquility & stillness I mentioned earlier means I’ve been doing less surfing of The Net & watching TV and more reading…of books. Y’all booksremember those don’t you?? I purchased a Kindle a couple of years ago but to be quite honest I never use it. I think maybe I was born just a decade or so too late to fully embrace the concept. I still enjoy the feel of a good old fashioned paper book in my hand. At any rate I’m back to my old habit of being in the midst of reading 4 or 5 books simultaneously, many of which I am re-reading for the express purpose of writing about here. Much of life is about focus, and I think maybe my brain is better served concentrating on good books and The Lord rather than the wasteland that humanity is becoming.

 

But just because I’m getting all serious & mature doesn’t mean I don’t still need to chill at times, right?? I’ve been really pleased with how the Winning & Musing addition to The Sports Page went last year, so that will definitely be continuing. I plum forgot about the concept of picking college & pro football games every week this past year. It wasn’t until a few weeks into the NFL season that I had the “Oh crap…I said I was gonna do that!!” moment and decided to let the idea rest until 2012. After a few years I think we have established some annual traditions like The Sammy Awards, my NFL prognostications & pre-season college football Top 25, The Sammy Claus Wish List, and me finding any & every way to babble on about how much I love Christmas. I kind of like the idea of having a few things that we can look forward to each year. And of course I’ll still be expressing my unique opinions on pop culture issues, just maybe not as much as in previous years.

 

I need to say a word about the look of the site itself. WordPress offers an abundance of themes and ways to tweak one’s page. I have become more skilled in making these changes and sometimes I can’t help myself when a new theme is added by the mothership. That means that the next time you visit things might look a lot different than the last time. I realize that comes at the cost of “establishing a look” for the site and “building my brand”, the consequences of which I may have to ponder more thoughtfully at some point in the future. But before that happens I need to find ways to grow The Manoverse and possibly make some dead presidents doing this someday. Also, I have been told that the way the site looks to one may not be how it looks to another. I have verified this personally by logging onto other computers. I’ve sat with my laptop open at work looking at a perfectly readable post with easily legible, properly sized fonts while at the same time looking at the same post on a desktop and wishing I had the Hubble telescope to help me make out the Lilliputianized typeface. I have no idea why that happens and no clue how to fix it, but I shall find the answer.

 

So here we are. 2012. Three years in. Your humble Potentate of Profundity going thru some fluctuations in interests, perspectives, & personal development. It’s going to be a fun ride. Join me. You know you want to.

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Under A Blood Red Sky Nothing Changes On New Year’s Day

On the night of December 31, 2010 I sat at The Bachelor Palace alone…except for Rocco….gently weeping and asking God to send me somebody to relieve the loneliness & lift the gloom. I’ve never told anyone that, and I’m not sure why I have decided to be so revelatory now. Maybe I have finally realized I have nothing at all to lose. It is certainly not to elicit any level of sympathy, but more to illustrate a point.

One year later I did not reach quite the same level of despair, although it was tempting since God had not yet answered my plea. I’ve set aside the emotion and become more contemplative, not only of my situation, but also about the world at large and this thing we call a “new” year.

I have grown to detest New Year’s Eve. There are two kinds of people to whom the event is targeted. The first type is the party animal. We all know these individuals. Some of us have been these individuals. They will happily use any excuse to “go out” and “party”, usually consuming copious amounts of alcohol in the process. Please understand that I am not being critical. Like I said, once upon a time I fit into this category like a glove. Sometimes I wish that I was still a party animal because life would be a lot more fun and much less solitary. The lifestyle of the party animal is also perfect for New Year’s Eve because their charismatic aura usually means they have lots of friends so their phone rings off the hook with invitations to all manner of social gatherings. The second target audience of New Year’s Eve are couples. Whether they are still trying to hang with the 20-somethings at the bar or have evolved into attending a fun little get together with friends complete with finger food and board games, it’s all about being with the one you love…or loving the one you’re with (Where are Crosby, Stills, & Nash when we need them??). And then of course those couples eventually have children so even if they stay in they’re usually doing something fun.

Unfortunately for me I am Choice C…none of the above. I’m single, have no children, don’t really drink or “party”, and even though I feel like I’m a nice person my phone n-e-v-e-r rings and I am never invited to or included in anything. I’m the person that will someday die alone in my apartment and no one will notice for several days until the stench becomes overwhelming. I am invisible and disconnected from society, which to some degree is probably my own fault but is largely a mystery…atleast it is to me. To be honest this relative anonymity doesn’t really bother me most of the time. But on New Year’s Eve it is gut wrenching. I’m not sure why kissing someone at midnight is a tradition…I just know that it is depressing not to have anyone to kiss.

Now once we get past that whole New Year’s Eve thing I’m okay, but I still find the concept of a new year intriguing. After all, January 1st is just some arbitrary day that was decided upon a couple thousand years ago by the Romans. January is named for Janus, the Roman god of gates, doors, and beginnings, of beginnings & endings and transitions. Janus supposedly had two faces…one looking forward and one looking back. Mythology is undoubtedly fascinating, and this story in particular is kind of cool. But let’s be honest…there is usually not one bit of difference between 11:59pm on December 31st and 12:01am on January 1st. There isn’t some bolt of lightning that shoots down from the heavens erasing all our worries, mistakes, & illnesses and magically making our lives perfect. But we do tend to gravitate toward that notion, imagining that magical bolt of cleansing lightning to be real.

Human beings love the idea of redemption. We embrace the thought of starting over with a clean slate. Folks happily latch onto the thought that the next 365 days are going to be better, happier, healthier, and more prosperous than the previous 12 months. Lots of people make resolutions, deciding with dogged determination that now is when they are going to lose weight, quit smoking, learn a new skill, or change some other aspect of their life. They weren’t interested in making such transformations in April, August, or November…but now all the sudden their going to turn over a new leaf because the calendar says January. We eat foods like pork, cabbage, or black-eyed peas (the food, not the horrible “music” group) because we’ve been told they’ll bring us luck, success, and affluence. I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve been eating that stuff every New Year’s Day my entire life and I’m still poor.

Is there anything wrong with the idea of New Year’s and a new beginning?? Not at all. Just because Jesus was almost certainly born nowhere close to December 25 and that date was simply co-opted by the early church to squash the pagan celebration of Saturnalia doesn’t mean that Christmas is bad. On the contrary…celebrating the birth of Christ is a wonderful idea. Similarly, making January 1st a day of renewal & restoration…a kind of rebirth of our lives…isn’t a bad idea at all. But much like Christmas I think maybe we kind of mistreat New Year’s nowadays. The aforementioned resolutions are too often shallow, vain, meaningless, and broken before the calendar turns to February. We love to talk about changing & improving our lives, but we aren’t really very committed to following through. We embrace the hope a new year brings, but abandon that hope as soon as things start to go to hell in a handbasket just like last year.

Maybe a better idea is to treat every single day as a gift from God and an opportunity to be a better person than we were yesterday. Sammy Hagar sings a song called Give to Live that I absolutely love. In the song The Red Rocker gives the following advice: “If you want love you’ve got to give a little. If you want faith just believe a little. If you want peace turn your cheek a little. If you know what you want just go on out and get it. Don’t give up…don’t give up…don’t give up”. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been tempted to give up many times, especially on lonesome days like New Year’s Eve when feeling forgotten, overlooked, and taken for granted. But then I remember that every day is New Year’s Day in some way. Oh sure we are going to have bad days. We are going to fail, screw up, not feel well, and come face to face with the abyss. But, as Tom Hanks says in Cast Away (#40 on my Favorite Movies list), we’ve “got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise and who knows what the tide could bring”. And hey…maybe I’ll have a date next New Year’s Eve!!

The Sammy Claus Wish List 2011

Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as chocolate, fast food, Facebook, & soap operas exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like being married to a Kardashian or cheering for the 2011 Indianapolis Colts. There would be no Internet then, no high definition television, no cute puppies to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in lower taxes & self-reliance!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Stevie Wonder nor The Who’s Tommy can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.

For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2011 edition of the Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.

 

 

Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh……….self control

 

 

Regis Philbin……………a very happy retirement

 

 

 

 

 

 

President Barack Hussein Obama………..crushing defeat in November & utter rejection by the American people of radical & destructive leftist philosophy

 

 

The Southeastern United States…….a mild 2012 hurricane & tornado season

 

 

Former Penn St. Assistant Coach

Jerry Sandusky……………….very slippery soap

 

 “Golden Voiced” Ted Williams……..continued sobriety, success, & happiness

 

Fans of The Kardashians………….better role models

 

Iraq………………….peace

 

The Cast of Harry Potter……..continuing relevance & achievement without being typecast or having to resort to desperate moves like hosting a game show or doing softcore porn on Cinemax

 

 

America…………………..more Jesus, less PC Godless liberalism

 

 

Heisman Winner Robert Griffin III…….a pro career more like Vinny Testaverde & Charles Woodson than Danny Wuerffel & Chris Weinke

 

 

My Family & Friends……………health, serenity, & dreams that come true

 

 

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day……………..a balmy 40 degrees with lots of sunshine. White Christmas can remain just a song & a movie.

 

 

My Alter Ego………………..the genuine Christian experience I have been seeking

 

 

New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick……………………a hoodie

 

 

Amazon.com……………………inspiration for an improved Kindle Fire 2

 

 

Vegas………..my presence in 2012!! You hear that Greg, The Owl, Sealey, & Slack??

 

 

 

 

 

 

I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give –  of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

 

 

 

 

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