“Everything I learned I learned from the movies.” –
About a year & a half ago…prompted by a longtime citizen of The Manoverse…we examined my 100 Memorable TV Characters. I knew back then that we’d eventually get around to talking about characters in feature films, but it was an idea that needed to percolate for awhile, and now it’s time to pull the trigger.
Television characters are rather easy to ponder. They come into our living rooms on a weekly basis for 5-10 years (give or take, and then we may watch reruns for decades). We get to know them. Their personalities…quirks, idiosyncrasies, & relationships…grow & evolve. They interact with a number of people in a variety of situations. Over the years they become something akin to imaginary friends, or in the case of villains & anti-heroes people we love to hate. In time such characters make an impact on our lives and become…within their fictional sphere of influence…somewhat legendary.
Conversely, movie characters don’t have the same opportunity to make an impression. Oh sure, we may get to know some over the course of a trilogy or series comprised of multiple films, which undeniably provides such characters with an advantage in rankings like this, but most get one shot to make us remember them. It certainly helps if the movie itself is good and/or popular and becomes the kind of film that people watch over & over again years after its theatrical run, but even then movie characters have much less of a chance to crawl under our skin & make a lasting impression. For example, Harry Potter led eight films encompassing about 20 hours of screen time, while JR Ewing of Dallas was on television for about 357 hours over 14 years. Now I grant you, movie characters have a much bigger canvas. ..$100 million budgets, special effects, & more freedom to do really cool stuff or go to awesome locations television shows just cannot afford. But let’s face it…dozens of expensive films come & go from our local cineplex every year and disappear into the ether, rarely to be seen or spoken of again by the masses. So I submit to you that it takes a lot more than bucket loads of cash or cutting edge technology to make a movie character stand the test of time.
What exactly makes a character memorable?? Well, if I knew the correct answer I’d be pretty wealthy, but I suppose I do have a few opinions.
*It’s all about the writing. A well written character with snappy dialogue is a good jumping off point.
*Let’s not overlook the role of a casting director. I have no idea about the ins & outs of their daily grind, but matching what they read in a script to a performer who can bring those words to life seems like an important piece of the puzzle. Should the part be played by an unknown actor looking for their big break, or is there a beloved big screen icon who’d be perfect for the role?? I am always intrigued by stories written years later about various actors who turned down this or that movie, because it’s really interesting to imagine a different performer playing a character made famous by someone else.
*We cannot look past the costume designer. There is no shortage of fondly remembered movie characters well-known for their signature look, whether it is an accessory they always wear, a uniform they are rarely seen out of, a unique vehicle they drive, or some other visual that becomes an identifier. If kids are dressing up like a movie character at Halloween then someone somewhwere did something right.
*The value of a character’s name cannot be overstated. An Oscar winning actor might give the performance of a lifetime in a movie that makes a bazillion dollars, but if the character is named John Smith or Jennifer Jones they’re behind the proverbial 8-Ball when it comes to being remembered.
*Professional wrestlers play one of two roles…their character is either a babyface (good guy) or a heel (bad guy). Wrestlers want one thing when they perform in front of a crowd…a reaction. Whether a face is getting cheered or a heel is getting booed, as long as the crowd reacts one way or the other it’s all good. The concept is similar with film characters…whether we love them or hate them, cheer for them to overcome the odds or relish in their demise, the key is that moviegoers have some kind of reaction. Indifference is undesirable.
As was the case with TV characters, the fact is that my taste in movies is unique & as limited as anyone else’s, therefore universal agreement on this list is unlikely. There are allegedly great movies that I’ve never seen or didn’t particularly enjoy. You will not see Indiana Jones here because I have never watched one minute of any of those films. Y’all should know by now what kinds of movies I prefer, so don’t expect to see many action heroes or psycho killers from slasher flicks. Another thing you won’t see are characters from Christmas films because Santa Claus & George Bailey received love from me a few years ago.
A couple of things surprised me while working on this project. First of all, I’ve always heard actresses complain about lack of great roles for women, and I’ve got to admit that they may have a point. There are just over a dozen ladies on the list, and a few of those are part of a couple. It is likely that, as a guy, my attention leans in the direction of male roles, but I think there’s more to it than that. Secondly, as big of a sports fan as I am I couldn’t help but notice that only a few characters from treasured sports movies felt worthy of inclusion, which I never would’ve guessed at the outset.
I’ve decided to dive in by giving you just a small sample of what is to come, so we will begin with the first ten names to make the cut.
100 James Bond (various films)
Full disclosure: I have never actually watched any of the two dozen Bond films produced in the past sixty years. However, I feel like I have enough of a grasp of the character’s essence, and that he is a such a significant part of the pop culture zeitgeist that I cannot in good conscience leave him off the list. A British secret agent is a rather epic launchpad, and it doesn’t hurt when guys like Sean Connery, Roger Moore, & Pierce Brosnan bring him to life. Author Ian Fleming was an avid birdwatcher and borrowed the character’s name from a real life ornithologist who was an expert on birds of the Caribbean.
Quotes
“Bond…James Bond”
“A martini…shaken, not stirred”
99 Shooter McGavin (Happy Gilmore)
Golf villains aren’t really a thing, right?? I suppose Caddyshack and some other movies have portrayed country club types as uptight snobs, but that’s usually as far as it goes. Shooter McGavin takes things to a whole new level, albeit in a comedic way. He’s the top pro on the PGA Tour and has zero respect for oddball newcomer Happy Gilmore. A rivalry quickly develops, with Shooter buying the repossessed house of Happy’s grandmother at an auction & hiring a deranged fan to run over Happy with a car.
Quotes
“I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!”
98 Catherine Tramell (Basic Instinct)
With a single crossing of her leg Sharon Stone became an overnight sensation. History would prove the actress to be little more than a flash in the pan (pun unavoidable), but coldblooded sexpot Catherine is unforgettable. There was a sequel produced fourteen years later, but it was a box office bomb.
Quotes
“Killing isn’t like smoking. You can quit.”
“I’d have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing and then kill somebody the way I described it in my book. I’d be announcing myself as the killer. I’m not stupid.”
“I finished my book. Didn’t you hear me? Your character’s dead. Goodbye. What do you want…flowers? I’ll send you an autographed copy.”
97 Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore (Apocalypse Now)
The cast of Apocalypse Now is incomparable. Marlon Brando. Martin Sheen. Dennis Hopper. Harrison Ford. Lawrence Fishburne. GD Spradlin. But in my humble opinion it is Robert Duval’s Kilgore that pops off of the screen.
Quotes
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like . . . victory. Someday this war’s gonna end.”
96 Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest)
Joan Crawford was a real life actress in mid-20th century Hollywood, but I think it is a fair assessment that nowadays she is probably best remembered for the memoir written by her adopted daughter Christina that painted Crawford as an alcoholic & an abusive mother. The book was adapted into a film in 1981, with Faye Dunaway in the lead role. I cannot pass judgment on the veracity of what Christina Crawford wrote, but if Joan Crawford was even half as crazy as what is portrayed in the movie it is difficult to imagine growing up in that household. Dunaway won a Golden Raspberry for Worst Actress and made entire generations of people unable to look at wire hangers the same way ever again.
Quotes
“NO… WIRE… HANGERS! What’s wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you NO WIRE HANGERS, EVER?! I work and work ’til I’m half-dead, and I hear people say, ‘She’s getting old.’ And what do I get? A daughter… who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give her as she cares about me! WHAT’S WIRE HANGERS DOING IN THIS CLOSET?! ANSWER ME! I buy you beautiful dresses, and you treat them like they were some dishrag! You do! $300 dress on a wire hanger?”
95 Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction)
Well, there may not be enough great roles for women in Hollywood, but as long as the “crazy chick” trope is alive & well they’ll have a few solid opportunities. Alex is the nutjob that Michael Douglas has sex with in an elevator, who then becomes obsessed with him & stalks his family. Ever hear the term “bunny cooker”?? It originated with Fatal Attraction & Alex Forrest.
Quotes
“We were attracted to each other at the party…that was obvious. You’re on your own for the night…that’s also obvious. We’re two adults.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Dan!”
94 Napoleon Dynamite (Napoleon Dynamite)
Perhaps I’m too old, or maybe just obtuse, but I don’t really get this movie. Having said that, the titular character as portrayed by Jon Heder is so…unique…that he does make me chuckle, and he has a few quotable scenes that have withstood the relentless march of time.
Quotes
“Sorry I’m late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.”
” I caught you a delicious bass.”
“Pedro offers you his protection.”
93 The Hanson Brothers (Slapshot)
Paul Newman may be the star of Slapshot, but three dimwitted hockey goons steal the show. The plot centers around a minor league team on the verge of folding, so an idea is hatched to put all that winning & losing stuff aside and focus on entertaining the crowd with violence. Enter the fierce trio with shoulder length hair & horn-rimmed glasses. Their “look” contrasted with the aggression they display on the ice and their childish demeanor off the ice is an amusing blend, and I think it helps that the young men portraying the characters were real hockey players, and more importantly not professional actors.
Quotes
“Hey ya think they show Speed Racer here?”
92 Max Goldman & John Gustafson (Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men)
Walter Matthau & Jack Lemmon famously brought Neil Simon’s Odd Couple duo of Oscar Madison & Felix Unger to the big screen in 1968, but a quarter century later they reunited as two old codgers in the frozen tundra of Minnesota who have been frienemies since childhood. Max & John insult each other, play ultimately benign pranks, & have similar taste in women. It’s delightful family fun, and one can’t help but like these guys.
Quotes
“Hypothermia’s a bitch. It ain’t quick like a stroke.” (Max)
“Morning, dickhead.” (Max) “Hello, moron.” (John)
“If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.” (Max)
“I am the gangster of love” (Max) “Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a hold up than a stick up?” (John)
91 Peter Gibbons & Bill Lumbergh (Office Space)
A shoutout to my former colleague Brad, who introduced me to Office Space a year or two after its fairly uneventful & mostly unprofitable theatrical release. The movie is populated with colorful characters, but two stand out. Anyone who has ever had a mundane, soul sucking, white collar job can identify with Peter, a guy who is drowning in misery until a session with a hypnotist goes awry, leaving him with the newly tranquil philosophy “it’s not that I’m lazy…it’s that I just don’t care”. Lumbergh is how many people perceive their boss…mostly oblivious, slightly dense, & completely unappreciative, focused solely on forcing underpaid employees to sacrifice their lives for the company. Obviously the movie is satire…most employees aren’t quite as despondent as Peter, and most supervisors aren’t a total dufus like Lumbergh. However, I believe that a big reason that Office Space found new life on home video and became a “cult classic” is that there are strains of truth running thru the film, and we see a bit of our own professional lives reflected in such a way that we get a good laugh out of it.
Quotes
“Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements!” (Peter)
“Ah, ah, I almost forgot… I’m also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. We, uhhh, lost some people this week and we sorta need to play catch-up. Mmmmmkay? Thaaaaaanks.” (Lumbergh)
“I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be.” (Peter)
“If you could do that, that would be great.” (Lumbergh)
“I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.” (Peter)
“I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.” (Peter)
“Oooo…yeahhhh, ummm…I’m gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he’s been real flaky lately, and I’m just not sure that he’s the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He’s also been having some problems with his TPS reports.” (Lumbergh)
“That’s my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.” (Peter)
That’s all you get for now!! We’ll be back soon with the next installment of our countdown.
Maryland (-12) at Rutgers
Virginia Tech at Miami (FL) (-14)
Jacksonville at Carolina (-4)
Atlanta at Houston (-5)
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (-5)
As I am writing this I’m watching the Packers play the Eagles on Thursday Night Football, and there is also a college game of little consequence over on ESPN, so a weekend full of gridiron action has already begun. Before we move forward though let’s travel back to last weekend, when we both went 3-2. That brings me back above .500 for the season, with Zach still a couple of games behind. The overall schedule isn’t very compelling this go round, especially when trying to avoid focusing on the same teams every weekend. I kind of miss parity in football and hope it returns soon.
Ohio State (-17) at Nebraska
Hey, have you heard that the Giants have a new quarterback?? While I think it’s too early to fall at the feet of rookie Daniel Jones and weep in 
the presence of his glory, I’ve always felt like Eli Manning was overrated and don’t think he belongs anywhere near the Hall of Fame unless it’s to attend the induction of his brother Peyton. The next several games won’t be easy for the Giants while running back Saquon Barkley is out with a high ankle sprain, so it’s going to be up to their defense to carry the team and let Jones ease into his starting role. The Redskins are 0-3 and a total dumpster fire. I’ve been expecting head coach Jay Gruden to get the axe for a few years now, and his stubborn refusal to replace QB Case Keenum with rookie Dwayne Haskins may finally spell his doom. Having said that, my expectation is that Jones will be made to look like the rookie that he is by the Redskins defense, and I’ll even go out on a limb and predict that Haskins will get in the game at some point and lead his team to victory. Conversely, Zach is all in on Jones and foresees a double digit Giants win.
There’s a candy store in my local mall that I rarely grace with my presence…not because I don’t like candy, but because I love it. I’m a chocoholic that needs to drop a hundred pounds, so the candy store is the last place I should be. Having said that, I recently did decide to stop in and make a purchase. I chose three types of chocolates and asked the young lady behind the counter for 1/3 pound of each. My plan was to make that pound of chocolate yumminess last awhile (which didn’t happen, but I digress). She had mentioned that she was studying for a college final (summer school I assume), which is something you should keep in mind. She scooped some of my first choice onto the scale, which soon read “0.75”, and was quite proud that she had nailed it on the nose. I was trying to be polite so I didn’t say anything, which was an error in judgment. I proceeded to watch her measure out .75 of a pound for my next two choices as well. I still didn’t say anything…more out of dumbfounded bewilderment than politeness. So I ended up with a bill that was atleast $10 more than what I was anticipating and 2.25 pounds of chocolates instead of one pound, all because a freaking college student didn’t know the difference between 1/3 & 3/4. I read a story awhile back about A&W’s failure to successfully market a third pound burger because consumers “wondered why they should pay the same amount for a third of a pound of meat as we do for a quarter-pound of meat at McDonald’s” . They thought a third of a pound was less than a quarter of a pound because three is less than four. Seriously. Now I seem to recall that math wasn’t my favorite subject in school, and I struggled with it more than social studies & English, but good golly…how in the world does anyone make it all the way to college without understanding such basic & practical stuff??
what it is, which is why I am perplexed by one of the 21st century’s newest catchphrases: “my truth”. I’m not going to get into the largely sociopolitical ways in which the phrasing is utilized because The Manoverse is an intelligent bunch and y’all know what’s up. Suffice to say that what people who use such terminology really mean is perspective. They want people to understand & support their worldview and think they can convince the masses of that perspective’s veracity by calling it truth, but it doesn’t hold up to critical examination. Truth is what is true, and you can’t change it just to promote whatever twisted ideology pop culture, the media, or whoever else is endorsing.
they certainly don’t go out of their way to make you part of their life, and oddly enough it’s even more noticeable in the modern era of social media & other technologies. In many ways the world has gotten smaller, but that seems to magnify perceived slights & snubs. Many assume that a person should get the message, catch the drift, or pick up on the hint when they text, call, or message someone and those messages are ignored, but wouldn’t it be much more effective & benevolent to just respond, even if it’s to tell them off?? Atleast that would remove all ambiguity. My maternal grandmother believed in ripping off a band-aid quickly and ending the pain as fast as possible, so why string a person along?? Look, I’m not trying to be hypocritical. I could do a better job communicating too. But more & more I am inclined to wait for incoming calls & messages. It’s exhausting & aggravating when people only make an effort in obvious desperation then go back to ignoring you when their needs have been met or when they find a more enticing option. 
I’ll give credit where credit is due…the New England Patriots did the right thing by releasing receiver Antonio Brown less than two weeks after signing him. Admittedly I am among those who felt like Brown ending up with the Patriots was a fiendish plot cooked up by he & his slimeball agent Drew Rosenhaus. After weaseling his way out of Pittsburgh Brown simply didn’t like that he ended up in Oakland where the Raiders aren’t going to be playoff contenders anytime soon, so he forced his way into “freedom” and the Patriots picked him up in a heartbeat. I assumed Brown would put the batshit crazy act to bed & conform quickly to “The Patriot Way”, but with sexual misconduct allegations swirling around the team quickly cut bait. The truth is they don’t need him and will likely do just fine in his absence. But y’all want to hear something funny?? If New England wins yet another Super Bowl (ugh) Antonio Brown would get a ring even though he only played in one game, and Dan Marino might be found curled up inthe fetal position somewhere weeping gently. The NFL should seriously consider revising those rules.
their miserable team this offseason then the entire Pittsburgh fanbase should unite in filing a class action lawsuit for malfeasance.
One of the most unpredictable factors when prognosticating games or entire seasons is injuries, and there have been some doozies lately. It already looked like my Steelers were in for a rough year, but now it could get exponentially worse after a season ending elbow injury to QB Ben Roethlisberger. I like young Mason Rudolph well enough, but it would have been nice to see him get another year or two of experience before taking over the starting job. Guys like Rudolph are oftentimes referred to as “the quarterback of the future”; well, for Pittsburgh the future is now. Can they still be a playoff team?? I don’t know. I’m the sort of person who expects the worst case scenario and enjoys being pleasantly surprised, so we’ll see. The news isn’t quite as devastating in New Orleans, as QB Drew Brees will only miss about half the season with a thumb injury. That means that Brees will be back for any kind of playoff push, but it’ll be interesting to see what position the team is in upon his return. Back in the pre-season 
expectations for the Jacksonville Jaguars, but losing QB Nick Foles to a broken collarbone for half the season limits the team’s potential even further, despite the early success of rookie signal caller Gardner Minshew. The Foles injury combined with Andrew Luck’s retirement seemingly makes the AFC South the Houston Texans’ for the taking if they perform up to their capabilities. Then there is Carolina Panthers’ QB Cam Newton, who is currently out with a foot injury. He may only miss one game, but I kind of get the feeling that he might be in & out of the lineup all season long, which would undoubtedly have a negative impact on the team’s playoff hopes.
I honestly haven’t paid much attention all season, for various reasons, but the playoffs will begin soon so I suppose I’ll watch some of those games. I have zero interest in a Yankees-Dodgers World Series, although I’m sure the TV folks and a large portion of baseball fans would love it. I could root for any AL contender except the Yankees, while the NL field is much less appetizing. A Twins-Nationals or Indians-Brewers World Series would probably be considered disastrous for television ratings, but I think I’d actually prefer such an unexpected matchup.
It’s been unseasonably warm & sunny here in northcentral West Virginia, to the point that football is really the only tangible representation of the season. I’m not complaining though…I love 80 degrees & sunshine, and wouldn’t mind those conditions sticking around (wishful thinking on my part). Having said that, I am thankful for weekends full of gridiron action, even if my job now prevents me from enjoying all of it to the fullest extent. Not only was last weekend hellish at work (that whole Friday the 13th/full moon craziness went on for a couple of extra days), but again we didn’t do so good with our picks. Zach was 1-4, while I was 2-3. We’ll try to improve, but I am definitely glad we don’t gamble with actual money…he & I would both be destitute.
Auburn at Texas A&M (-4)
Baltimore at Kansas City (-5)
As happy as I am to have football back I have to say that last weekend wasn’t so great in The Manoverse. Both my West Virginia Mountaineers & Pittsburgh Steelers got mauled in their games, and the ol’ alma mater’s Thundering Herd looked like they had a shot to upset Boise St. until their offense decided to stay in the locker room after halftime. As far as our picks go, both Zach & myself were 5-3, which I guess isn’t terrible. The NCAA schedule is a bit prosaic this week, but I think we’ve cobbled together a slate of college & pro games that will be fun to keep an eye on.
Iowa (-2) at Iowa State
Arizona at Baltimore (-13)
A year ago I wouldn’t have had any interest in watching a Browns-Jets game, but both teams are allegedly on the rise, so it theoretically should be fun. However, with Jets QB Sam Darnold on the shelf due to mono and Cleveland suffering an embarrassing loss in the opener after so much offseason hype the matchup is far less attractive than it could have been. The Monday Night Football folks can’t be very happy. Trevor Siemian will be behind center for the Jets, and I think it’d be absolutely hilarious if he hands the Browns their second loss. Zach doesn’t believe either team is any good, but likes Cleveland to score a close victory.
I know what you’re thinking…”Week 2?? What happened to Week 1??”. Well, your humble Potentate of Profundity made a slight miscalculation. We did actually make picks, but due to a new work schedule (well new since last football season anyway) for myself and a busier than usual weekend I just didn’t get anything written & posted. In years past I could hammer out something quick on Saturday morning before kickoff if necessary, but that’s not the case anymore and last weekend it just messed up the whole deal. At any rate, in life one must learn to occasionally adapt on the fly, so that’s what we’re doing. Zach & I made picks on the following games a week ago: South Carolina/North Carolina, Northwestern/Stanford, Boise St./Florida St., USC/Fresno St., & Oregon/Auburn. Zach went 1-4, while I fared slightly better at 2-3 (thank you Southern Cal for not covering the points). Not exactly the beginning either of us hoped for, but we’ll just move on. The NFL begins their season this week, so to celebrate that and to make up for my previous error it seems like a fine idea to do some bonus picks. Enjoy.
Syracuse at Maryland (-2)
Stanford at USC (-1)
to be outdone, the Chargers have been dealing with their own drama in the form of running back Melvin Gordon’s holdout. This game would probably be a lot more interesting with Luck & Gordon both playing, but their absence creates a sense of mystery & intrigue. The Colts’ coaching staff & front office can talk up new quarterback Jacoby Brissett all they want, but he’s got to prove it to me first. I’m rooting for the guy because wide receiver TY Hilton and RB Marlon Mack are integral pieces of my fantasy teams, but the reality is that it’s a huge change. The Chargers might have a bit of a dropoff without Gordon, but I think they’re equipped to weather the storm. Zach believes the Chargers are overrated, but Luck’s abrupt departure has doomed Indy’s season.
First things first…I am indeed aware that the college football season begins tonight when the Miami Hurricanes visit the Florida Gators. I usually get these rankings published earlier in August, but…well, that didn’t happen. You’re not interested in my excuses and I’m not really into making any, so we’ll just go with the flow. I don’t think the Canes’ nor the Gators will factor significantly into how things play out, so it’s all good. We know that out of 130 FBS football teams only 65 “power” conference teams (including “independent” Notre Dame) have any shot at the national title, and this season it feels like it’s a ten team race at best. As a fan I am still entertained by watching games, but I have to admit that the foregone conclusion that the playoff has become sort of harshes my football buzz. I need underdogs. I need upsets. I need some semblance of parity. I need a little variety from year to year. One of the charms of college football has always been that each season players graduate and new players come in, which means that every year is different…except nowadays its seems like nothing much changes. There have always been dominant programs, but there were still cycles wherein some teams would rise for a couple of years while others fell off a bit. That yin & yang was part of the fun. I hope that happens this season. I hope a team or two that everyone expects to win a lot of games unexpectedly loses a few. I hope a few teams that no one sees coming win 10+ games and challenge for conference titles. I hope…but I won’t hold my breath. Still, it’s nice to have football back.
I was at an outdoor concert a couple of weeks ago, and as darkness fell around 9pm I felt a slight chill in the air. Autumn was in the breeze. That’s a feeling I usually don’t experience until Labor Day Weekend while attending our local Italian Heritage Festival. In the moment I was not pleased because I tend to prefer the warmth & sunshine of summer. I have nothing particular against fall except for the fact that it ushers in winter, which I despise. At any rate, in an effort to find a silver lining and think positive I must say that there are a few good things about autumn…my birthday, Halloween, & football. Glorious football is back!! It’s time once again to look into the pigskin crystal ball and make some predictions about how this season might play out. I don’t put a whole lot of stock in pre-season, but there are injuries, holdouts, & emergent rookies we can’t ignore. As always the team’s record from the previous year is in parentheses, with the predicted record for this season following it. And remember…no wagering. I am not a professional and most of the time I’m not very good at this. Let’s just relax & have some fun.
divisional games to be even more competitive than usual. Don’t sleep on the Ravens…they’ll battle for every yard on both sides of the ball, and new QB Lamar Jackson is feast or famine: he’ll have moments of pure brilliance, but he needs to become a better passer and has to stay healthy. Everyone needs to slow their roll on the “new & improved” Browns. Going back to his college days I’ve always opined that QB Baker Mayfield gave me a Bret Favre-ish vibe, and I see it now more than ever. Adding receivers Odell Beckham Jr. & Jarvis Landry into the mix along with a backfield of Nick Chubb & Kareem Hunt bodes well for the offense. I like their defense too…DEs Myles Garrett & Olivier Vernon and tackle Sheldon Richardson should be stout against the run as well as put some pressure on opposing QBs, and the secondary might be sneaky good. Having said that, I’m not buying Cleveland as a playoff team just yet. The Bengals finally pushed longtime head coach Marvin Lewis out the door, but I’m not sure 35 year old Zac Taylor is the answer. He’s never been a head coach at any level and the learning curve will be quite foreboding. Regardless of whether or not Taylor lasts more than a season or two Cincy probably needs to blow things up and construct a whole new roster from the ground up.
the answer Jacksonville has been seeking?? Marlon Mack, Derrick Henry, Lamar Miller, or Leonard Fournette…which running back will lead the pack?? Will any of these four defenses emerge as elite (the Jags were #5 a year ago, the Titans #8, Indy & Houston were #11 & #12)?? I’m downgrading Indianapolis a bit due to concerns about Luck’s ankle, but still think they will win the division if he doesn’t miss more than a couple of games. I like Foles and the Jags’ defense is stout, but have serious doubts about the durability of Fournette and the rest of their skill players inspire little confidence. I love Texans’ QB Deshaun Watson, but somebody other than WR DeAndre Hopkins has to step up and be reliably productive. Houston has the same issue on the defense…JJ Watt is fantastic, but others have to contribute. My vibe is that they take a step back this season, make some adjustments, and become serious contenders in 2020. This feels like a make or break year for Titans’ QB Marcus Mariota. When he came out of Oregon in 2015 the big debate about who would go #1 overall in the draft was between him and Florida St.’s Jameis Winston. Winston went to Tampa while Mariota was chosen next, but neither quarterback has set the world on fire. There just seems to be something amiss in Tennessee. I think they decline slightly and head coach Mike Vrabel finds himself on the hot seat.
have become Tiger Woods from two decades ago when he was winning a lot but we all knew he really only cared about the majors. In much the same way it seems like everyone understands that New England will win a rather weak division, and their only true goal is another Super Bowl. With that in mind I think they’ll win the division but not run away with it. Jets’ QB Sam Darnold continues his maturation process, and now he has RB Le’Veon Bell as a safety net. I like what the Jets are doing and believe they’ll noticeably improve. I feel bad for Dolphins & Bills fans. They’ve known for a decade & a half that their teams aren’t winning the division, but they don’t even get to enjoy watching obvious progress. Both squads just seem to be treading water and perpetuating their mediocrity with poor coaching hires, bad free agent moves, and subpar drafts.
have a new head coach and QB Aaron Rodgers has become increasingly enigmatic. The Vikings have some talent but not enough to move the needle. The Lions are…well, they’re the Lions. That leaves the Bears to claim another division crown and vie for home field thru the playoffs. QB Mitch Trubisky should take another step in his development and I have high expectations. Combined with a tough defense that makes for a potentially elite team. Anything short of an appearance in the conference title game will be a disappointment for Chicago.
vibe is that situation will provide motivation to an already very solid team. QB Drew Brees is almost as nature-defying as Brady, but I suspect this may be his last great opportunity to get another Lombardi Trophy. The Falcons & Panthers will both be good but not great, and I have serious concerns about the health & durability of Carolina QB Cam Newton. Tampa is just a warmer version of Buffalo with a more heralded QB. They can change coaches and do all the tinkering they want, but none of their decisions seem to work out the way they hope. Jameis Winston is undeniably talented, but I just don’t think he is a top shelf NFL quarterback.
Wentz needs to fulfill his potential for Philly to come out on top. I’m not buying the Cowboys’ hype. I don’t think they’ll be horrible, but the holdout of RB Zeke Elliott could have a negative impact. Media types will yap endlessly about a “quarterback controversy” in New York, but does it really matter?? I’ve never thought Eli Manning was that good, and if he loses the starting gig to rookie Daniel Jones it says a lot more about Manning than it does Jones. Either way the Giants’ QB…whomever it may be…won’t have Odell Becham Jr. to throw to, and that’s a problem. RB Saquon Barkley can only do so much, right?? The Redskins will have some solid games and at times look like a potential playoff team, but at the end of the day their fans will be disappointed and be left to wonder what happened. Head coach Jay Gruden is an offensive coordinator masquerading as a head coach, successfully trading on his more famous brother’s name, and he’s not going to achieve much success with Case Keenum as his starting quarterback. Rookie signal caller Dwayne Haskins will likely snag the job by mid-season, so there is some hope for the future.
ducks in the Super Bowl. As talented as they are I just knew that the Patriots were foaming at the mouth to take on a young & inexperienced coach/QB combo, and it turned out exactly as I knew it would. And now the Rams aren’t a secret to the rest of the league so their opponents will be more prepared than a year ago. I still think they’ll win the division, but it won’t be quite as effortless. Jimmy G. is back under center for the Niners, and that means a huge turnaround. They’ll be in a battle with several other teams for a wildcard berth, but that’s a nice change from last season. Seattle still has Russell Wilson and they made some solid draft picks, but I believe they’ll take a step back this year. The Cards are trying to copy the Rams’ formula, but I’m not convinced it’ll work. Kliff Kingsbury probably needed a few more years as a college coach before taking the helm of an NFL team, and Kyler Murray is a perfect example of a great college quarterback whose skills just don’t translate to the NFL. Kudos to the powers-that-be in Arizona for rolling the dice and trying something new, but two years from now Kingsbury will probably be coaching on Saturdays and Murray will be playing baseball…if NFL defenses don’t maim the little guy.
34
The Manofesto 