Last weekend I was 4-1, while Zach went 1-4. That means the overall season lead has shifted. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Other random thoughts…
Thus far my NFL predictions haven’t panned out. I am particularly perplexed by the ineptitude of the Cincinnati Bengals & Jacksonville Jaguars, while being surprised at the success of the Minnesota Vikings. I am not at all shocked that league zebras are catching heat for their noticeable generosity toward the Kansas City Chiefs. The criticism is well deserved, and that, combined with what feels like a purposeful effort by the league to indulge Swifties, has quickly cast the defending Super Bowl Champions as villains. In the college ranks, Alabama & Texas have played better than I anticipated, while Florida St. has been a train wreck & Notre Dame has underwhelmed. And finally, as much as I hate to say it, anyone writing about Heisman odds who doesn’t have Travis Hunter at the top doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. Heisman voters need to decide if the award exclusively goes to a quarterback on one of the top teams and be honest about that, or reward a player who performs at a high level on both sides of the ball and look past the fact that his team is average and his coach is a self-important blowhard.
My Season: 15-13
Zach’s Season: 13-15
Virginia Tech at Miami (FL) (-19)
When these two programs moved to the ACC a couple decades ago it was the beginning of the end for The Big East, and I’ll never forgive them for that. At any rate, the 2-2 Hokies are unlikely to defeat the unbeaten Hurricanes, but can they cover the points?? I think perhaps they might. Zach has been impressed with the ‘Canes, but cautions this has all the earmarks of a classic trap game. However, while he believes it might’ve been a different story in Blacksburg, VA, he has confidence in the home team to win big in their house.
My Pick: Virginia Tech
Zach’s Pick: Miami (FL)
South Alabama at LSU (-22)
The 2-2 Jaguars out of the Sun Belt have grabbed some attention by outscoring their last two opponents 135-24. Meanwhile, the Bayou Bengals are riding at three game win streak after a season opening hiccup against USC. Death Valley on a Saturday night is no picnic, but I think South Alabama might keep things interesting for awhile before ultimately losing by four TDs. Zach isn’t a big fan of LSU coach Brian Kelly, but he’s willing to roll the dice on a dominant Tigers victory.
My Pick: LSU
Zach’s Pick: LSU
Georgia (-2) at Alabama
We’ll have alot of clarity after this game is over. The Bulldogs are 3-0 but barely escaped Kentucky with a win a couple weeks ago. Their legitimacy as the top team in the land has been questioned by some, with no shortage of those folks promoting Texas as the new #1 team. The Tide has rolled to three big wins thus far, making their coaching transition look seamless. ‘Bama has the home field, but I think Georgia gets their first regular season victory in this rivalry since 2007. Zach foresees a low scoring tug-of-war, with Georgia ultimately winning by 3-7 points.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Georgia
Minnesota at Green Bay (-2.5)
Did you know that Vikings QB Sam Darnold is only 27 years old?? It feels like he should be older, probably because this is his fourth NFL team in seven seasons in the league. He is taking advantage of the opportunity that opened up when first round pick JJ McCarthy suffered a preseason knee injury. Minnesota is 3-0 & Darnold has the fifth best QBR in the NFL. The Packers are also playing with a backup QB after starter Jordan Love injured his knee a few weeks ago. Former Titans first round pick Malik Willis has led Green Bay to a 2-1 record, and he has the comfort of the home field. The question essentially becomes are the Vikings…and Darnold…for real?? Or has it all been smoke & mirrors?? The equation changes if Love is cleared to play, but that is up in the air right now. Armed with the information we have at this moment I have to believe the Vikes will ride the wave of momentum. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Minnesota
Zach’s Pick: Minnesota
Seattle at Detroit (-4.5)
The 2-1 Lions have not been as impressive as many (including yours truly) thought they’d be. Conversely, the 3-0 Seahawks have been sneaky good. RB Kenneth Walker has missed the past two games with an oblique injury. That’s an abdominal muscle in case you are curious. However, he is on pace to return for this game, and even if he doesn’t Zach Charbonnet has been solid in relief. Everyone will be focused on the chess match between Seattle’s offense & Detroit’s defense, but perhaps we need to pay attention to the opposite. If QB Jared Goff can get the ball to his receivers for a few big plays and RB Jahmyr Gibbs can help control the clock, it’d go a long way toward a victory for the home favorites. Zach believes things will be decided by a field goal or less.
Folks, I don’t even know where to begin. I seriously contemplated not even doing a pre-season poll this year because, quite frankly, I’m not that excited about college football anymore. Money & politics have stained the sport, and I am simply too old to retain my usual level of plucky enthusiasm. A year ago I stated that “I will not let university suits or TV execs steal my joy”, but now I cannot deny that my fervor for the game has indeed significantly diminished. I can’t keep straight what conference half of these teams are members of anymore, and don’t have much interest in learning. I know that the Power 5 is now the Power 4 because the Pac 12 imploded. Perhaps in the long run that will be helpful in sorting out the playoff, but at the moment I perceive it as more dunking on tradition, whatever scraps of that may remain. Surely not a whole hell of alot. I am not even going to try to explain the new playoff format beyond its expansion from four to twelve teams, which neuters the impact of the regular season beyond its function as a time waster for couch potatoes with empty lives (like me) and a great excuse to get drunk for college students & rednecks in a state of arrested development. At any rate, let’s dive in!!
25 Southern Cal
Last Season: 8-5 (Won the Holiday Bowl)
Key Games: 9/1 vs. LSU, 9/21 @ Michigan, 11/30 vs. Notre Dame
Head coach Lincoln Riley came to USC with much fanfare, but in two seasons with future NFL bust Caleb Williams at QB he has achieved an unimpressive 19-8 record. Moving to the Big Ten won’t make things any easier, but sports media will prop up the Trojans if they can pull off an upset or two.
24 Iowa State
Last Season: 7-6 (Defeated in the Liberty Bowl)
Key Games: 10/5 vs. Baylor, 11/30 vs. Kansas St.
I went to high school with the mother & aunt of Cyclones’ QB Rocco Becht, and his father was a talented tight end for my WV Mountaineers in the late 90’s who had a solid career in the NFL. So are my expectations filtered thru rose colored glasses?? Perhaps, but I think the new Big 12 is intriguing and could provide a few surprises.
23 Tennessee
Last Season: 9-4 (Beat Iowa in the Citrus Bowl)
Key Games: 9/21 @ Oklahoma, 11/16 @ Georgia
If you listen to the talking heads they’ll have half of the SEC ranked in the Top Ten, but the truth is that someone will lose a game or two. Word on the street is that sophomore QB Nico Iamaleava is an upgrade over Joe Milton, who is now plying his trade with the New England Patriots. We’ll see.
22 Miami (FL)
Last Season: 7-6 (Lost to Rutgers in the Pinstripe Bowl)
Key Games: 10/14 @ North Carolina, 11/11 @ Florida St., 11/18 vs. Louisville
I don’t believe the ‘Canes will ever again be the dominant force that sat atop the college football world for much of the 1980s & ‘90s, but improving by a couple of games in a mediocre ACC is doable. They’ll need to beat atleast one favored opponent on the road.
21 Arizona
Last Season: 10-3 (Beat Oklahoma in the Alamo Bowl)
Key Games: 9/13 @ Kansas St., 9/28 @ Utah
The Wildcats land in the…*checks notes*…Big 12, and they could have some early success. If you forced me at gunpoint to say something positive about realignment I might point to fresh matchups in which no one really knows what to expect. Arizona vs. BYU. Arizona vs. West Virginia. Arizona vs. UCF. I don’t think they’ll compete for a conference title or playoff berth, but matching last season’s success seems like a reasonable expectation.
20 Virginia Tech
Last Season: 7-6 (Beat Tulane in the Military Bowl)
Key Games: 9/27 @ Miami (FL), 11/9 vs. Clemson
The Hokies haven’t won 9+ games since 2017, and have had three head coaches since Frank Beamer retired in 2015. They improved tremendously in Year 2 under Brent Pry, and it doesn’t feel outlandish to expect further development, especially in a pedestrian ACC. Keep an eye on Clemson’s November visit to Blacksburg. The winner of that game could emerge as a conference title contender.
19 Texas
Last Season: 12-2 (Defeated in the CFP Semis by Washington)
Key Games: 9/7 @ Michigan, 10/2 vs. Oklahoma, 10/19 vs. Georgia
Well ‘Horns fans, you got what you wished for. Now it’s time to back up all the bragging & trash talk on the field against SEC opponents. Not only that, but the non-conference schedule features a visit to Ann Arbor to battle the defending national champions. The talent is unquestionable, but the path is treacherous. A playoff berth seems unlikely, but 9 or 10 wins doesn’t feel out of reach.
18 North Carolina State
Last Season: 9-4 (Lost the Pop Tarts Bowl)
Key Games: 9/21 @ Clemson, 11/30 @ North Carolina
I can’t decide if the ACC is a model of parity or simply tedious. I am feeling generous so let’s call it more of the former than the latter. If the Wolfpack wants to equal the success of last season they’ll need to have some great games on the road.
17 Penn State
Last Season: 10-3 (Lost to Ole Miss in the Peach Bowl)
Key Games: 10/12 @ USC, 11/2 @ Ohio St.
The Nittany Lions are amongst a plethora of teams that perpetually reside on the second level of college football. They’ll win alot more games than they lose and always field a talented team theoretically capable of beating just about anyone, but never quite reach elite status which would allow them to be perceived as a legit playoff contender. Ten wins and a solid bowl berth seems to be their ceiling.
16 Michigan
Last Season: 15-0 (CFP National Champions)
Key Games: 9/7 vs. Texas, 9/21 vs. USC, 11/2 vs. Oregon, 11/30 @ Ohio St.
I don’t believe that the loss of head coach Jim Harbaugh to the NFL means that the defending national champions will crumble & slink away into obscurity, but they are unlikely to be serious title contenders. I suppose they could sneak into the playoff, but even that feels like a bit much to ask. They’ll lose atleast one huge game in The Big House.
15 LSU
Last Season: 10-3 (Beat Wisconsin in the ReliaQuest Bowl)
Key Games: 9/1 vs. USC, 11/9 vs. Alabama
I’ll be honest…this one makes me nervous. I never know what to expect from the Bayou Bengals. That being said, head coach Brian Kelly has had two consecutive ten win seasons since arriving in Baton Rouge. Opening against USC in Death Valley might be the most intriguing matchup of the first full weekend of action, and they also host ‘Bama in November. Can they match last season’s success?? We’ll see.
14 Boise State
Last Season: 8-6 (Lost the LA Bowl)
Key Games: 10/25 @ UNLV, 11/29 vs. Oregon St.
The Broncos are back!! After a couple of underwhelming seasons and a coaching change Boise has rebounded the past two years and won the Mountain West title a season ago, their first championship since 2019. I don’t expect them to upset Oregon in Eugene, but that’s a Week 2 non-conference battle. Their focus should be on winning ten games & another conference championship.
13 Appalachian State
Last Season: 9-5 (Won the New Mexico Bowl)
Key Games: 9/28 vs. Liberty, 11/23 vs. James Madison
The overhyped teams in the power conferences will beat each other up. Only one or two might emerge unscathed. That leaves room for a Group of 5 team (or two) to rise thru the rankings a bit. I believe the highest ranked conference champion of those “lesser” conferences is guaranteed a playoff berth. A year ago that would’ve been the C-USA champion Liberty Flames, but I’m predicting a horse race between Boise St. & the Sun Belt’s Appalachian St. The Mountaineers’ two key games are both in the cozy confines of Boone, NC.
12 Alabama
Last Season: 12-2 (Defeated in the CFP Semis by Michigan)
In case you hadn’t heard, Nick Saban is no longer the head coach at Alabama. He simply had nothing left to prove. New coach Kalen DeBoer is no slouch, having won 25 games the past two years with the Washington Huskies, including an appearance in last season’s CFP Title game. I don’t believe we’ll see that much of a decline for The Tide. Saban surely didn’t leave the cupboard bare. However, I think it is too much to expect an undefeated championship caliber effort out of the gate. Fans in Tuscaloosa will need to settle for a solid record & a playoff appearance.
11 Oregon
Last Season: 12-2 (Won the Fiesta Bowl)
Key Games: 10/12 vs. Ohio St., 11/2 @ Michigan
Expectations are thru the roof for the Ducks heading into their inaugural season in the…*checks notes*…Big Ten, but I’m not buying it. I don’t believe this is the team that walks into a new, STACKED conference and wins a title. They will not beat Ohio St., and upsetting Michigan in The Big House is a tall order. Ten wins & a playoff berth is the ceiling for Oregon right now.
10 Clemson
Last Season: 9-4 (Beat Kentucky in the Gator Bowl)
Key Games: 10/5 @ Florida St., 11/9 @ Virginia Tech
The Tigers have not lived up to their lofty standards the past few years, last making a playoff appearance in 2020. That is likely to change with the new format, but I’m still not convinced they are serious title contenders. Of course the first task is to win the ACC, which means the game in Tallahassee on my birthday is a must win.
9 Missouri
Last Season: 11-2 (Beat Ohio St. in the Cotton Bowl)
Key Games: 10/5 @ Texas A&M, 10/26 @ Alabama
It is easy for the Tigers to get lost in the SEC shuffle, but a season ago they announced their presence with authority, with wins over Tennessee & Florida. I’m not sure how much credence to give their defeat of Ohio St. in the Cotton Bowl considering alot of the Buckeyes’ firepower was MIA, but it looks good on paper. Can Missouri mirror that success this year?? Don’t overlook their late season visit to Tuscaloosa. If there was ever a time to make a powerful statement that’d be it.
8 Mississippi
Last Season: 11-2 (Beat Penn St. in the Peach Bowl)
I will freely admit to caving into peer pressure on this one. The Rebels are getting a ton of preseason love from almost every outlet, so I assume where there’s smoke there has to be some fire. Still, visits to Tuscaloosa in September and Athens in October seem daunting. Winning both games, though a gargantuan task, would certainly secure a Top Ten ranking. Heck, pulling off just one upset would grab some attention. The linchpin to the entire season might just be hosting LSU only one week after visiting ‘Bama. The loser of that game probably tanks their playoff aspirations.
7 Oklahoma State
Last Season: 10-4 (Won the Texas Bowl)
Key Games: 9/21 vs. Utah, 9/28 @ Kansas St.
Okay, okay…I actually did some research so I’d get this right. The Big 12 lost Texas & Oklahoma while gaining Arizona, Arizona St., Utah, and Colorado, and you’ll recall that Cincinnati, BYU, Houston, and Central Florida joined a year ago. What all of that boils down to is an opportunity to seize the top spot & become the new standard bearer for the conference. The Cowboys were in the mix last season, but they’re probably going to face a tough battle with newcomer Utah for conference supremacy. The Utes visit Stillwater in September. Don’t sleep on that game.
6 Florida State
Last Season: 13-1 (Obliterated by Georgia in the Orange Bowl)
After several years of mediocrity the Seminoles have rebounded the last couple of seasons, coming within a whisper of the playoff last year. It is likely that they would’ve received the nod if not for a serious injury to QB Jordan Travis, although the beatdown they received in the Orange Bowl caused people to wonder if it was all a mirage anyway. Travis has moved on to the NFL now, and Florida St. has the opportunity to answer any lingering doubts. They’re still in the ACC (for now), which is a double-edged sword. On one hand Clemson is probably the only obstacle to winning a conference title. Conversely, that title doesn’t earn much respect these days. A November trek to South Bend looks like the pivotal moment of their championship dreams.
The Fighting Irish will always be in the playoff conversation given their much ballyhooed history & independent status. An at-large bid is likely reserved in their name as long as they hover near the top half of the rankings. Perhaps I am being naive, but trips to College Station, TX & The Coliseum in L.A. don’t feel that intimidating. I believe Notre Dame wins both games. Hosting Florida St. to end the season is helpful, but it is also a classic trap game.
4 Kansas State
Last Season: 9-4 (Beat NC St. in the Pop Tarts Bowl)
Key Games: 9/28 vs. Oklahoma St., 11/30 @ Iowa St.
While Oklahoma St. will be in the Big 12 mix I foresee the Wildcats being the old school Big 12 team that’ll fend off (almost) all the newcomers. Winning on the road in Ames, IA to close the season is a tough mountain to climb, but I think it’ll clinch a conference title game appearance for K St. Undefeated?? It’s possible…until the playoff. They are not a legit national championship contender.
3 Ohio State
Last Season: 11-2 (Beaten by Missouri in the Cotton Bowl)
Key Games: 10/12 @ Oregon, 11/2 @ Penn St., 11/30 vs. Michigan
The Buckeyes lost some talented players to the NFL & in the transfer portal, but they also added a ton of five star recruits & well-regarded transfers. Not only do most expect them to not miss a beat, but it seems probable that they’ve actually gotten better. The Big Ten situation is a catch-22. On one hand changes at Michigan mean that they are unlikely to be as dominant and Ohio St. will probably be favored in that matchup. On the other hand, the conference has added Oregon, USC, UCLA, and Washington, so the path to a title is even tougher. I don’t know if undefeated is a realistic goal, but I am not sure it matters that much. Survive & advance to the Big Ten title game. Win the conference championship and receive a first round playoff bye. That’s the blueprint.
2 Georgia
Last Season: 13-1 (Destroyed Florida St. in the Orange Bowl
“To be The Man you’ve got to beat The Man”, and the only teams that have defeated the Bulldogs in the past three years are Alabama in the 2021 SEC Championship (Georgia then beat The Tide to win the National Championship) and Michigan in last season’s title game. Georgia has become THE team. They are on another level, and will need every ounce of that superiority to repel their challengers. Sadly I still think “style points” are a thing, so even if the ‘Dawgs grind out an unbeaten regular season they might not hold the top spot if a couple of those victories are unimpressive. Visits to Tuscaloosa & Austin, TX are mountains Georgia must climb, and those trips feel rather perilous.
1 Utah
Last Season: 8-5 (Lost the Las Vegas Bowl)
Key Games: 9/21 @ Oklahoma St., 11/23 vs. Iowa St.
Okay…stay with me. Imagine this scenario. Two loss SEC & Big Ten Champions emerge from the rubble. Notre Dame & the ACC Champ (either Florida St. or Clemson) both have one loss and a couple of tight wins. Meanwhile, the Utes, with 25 year old seventh year senior QB Cam Rising, who’s as old or older than half the starters in the NFL, returns after missing the whole season a year ago with a serious knee injury. Utah also returns 16 starters & 73% of their production from a year ago. In their inaugural Big 12 season Utah starts 4-0 before heading into Stillwater and getting a huge road win over Oklahoma St. They blow thru the remaining schedule like one of those tornadoes in Twister before winning the Big 12 title game over Kansas St. Can they stand tall against Big Ten & SEC opponents in the playoff?? Year in & year out…probably not. This season?? It seems plausible.
As you may know, Hollywood came to a virtual standstill for several months in 2023 due to a writer’s strike. What you may not realize is that even imaginary awards shows were affected. Putting together this fake program takes months of preparation from a team of hundreds of people, and not being able to put in that work at all throughout last summer has had an impact. Having said that, we made the decision to soldier on and attempt to live up to the standard that our make-believe awards show has met or exceeded for nearly 15 years, which means the bar is set low enough that you probably won’t notice much difference.
The Sammys have grown from a simple Year in Review in 2009 to an annual tradition of celebrating the highs & lows, heroes & reprobates, thrills & chills of the recently concluded trip around the sun, recalling all of the moments, people, and stories that deserve praise or scorn.
To host this year’s show we have invited one of America’s most unique comedians. He has had multiple comedy specials on Netflix, hosted a few television programs that no one has ever heard of, and is actually nominated for a Sammy Award for a 2023 film based on his life. Please hoist your beverage of choice and toast our guy Bert Kreischer!!
After an hysterical opening monologue from our host it’s time to hand out our first two awards. We are happy to welcome back one of the hardest working people in sports, from hosting an afternoon program on ESPN to occasionally stepping into the WWE Universe to adding energy to CollegeGameday, you either love him or you don’t. Please welcome back to The Sammys former Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee!! And the nominees are:
The Agony of Defeat Award
Damar Hamlin On January 2, 2023 Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin went into cardiac arrest in the midst of a football game on live television. All the sudden the fun escape that so many of us enjoy became very real & quite scary.
Transgender Participation It’s been a hot topic for awhile but really ramped up in 2023. The number of young people identifying as transgender has doubled in the past five years. So what happens when a biological male who now calls themselves female (because it never seems to be the other way around) decides to play women’s sports, with undeniable advantages in strength, size, speed, and every other significant metric?? It’s a polarizing issue that, as usual, comes down to facts vs. feelings.
Bob Huggins In June 2023 West Virginia Mountaineers Hall of Fame basketball coach Bob Huggins was arrested & charged with DUI. Just a couple of months earlier he had made some quite politically incorrect remarks on a radio show and was already on thin ice. The DUI was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Huggins was forced to resign. A few weeks later he tried to rescind his resignation, but the university had moved on. It’s a sad ending to a great career. Actions have consequences. Public figures, though fallible human beings like the rest of us, need to be smarter & more aware of their behavior.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Actually, we’re going to deviate from the norm and have Pat McAfee give out two trophies at once. And the nominees are:
The Thrill of Victory Award
Bulldogs Repeat In January 2023 the Georgia Bulldogs captured their second consecutive NCAA National Championship by absolutely mauling the TCU Horned Frogs 65-7.
Damar Hamlin The aforementioned Hamlin was revived on the field by heroic medical personnel, and after a bit of a stay in a Cincinnati medical facility actually returned to the football field this season. The Bills have been understandably cautious in using him, but it’s nice to see a happy ending.
Brady Retires…Again After first announcing his retirement in February 2022 then returning just 40 days later like Jesus wrestling with Satan in the desert, the alleged GOAT QB finally put us all out of our misery exactly one year after retiring the first time.
UConn’s Madness The Connecticut Huskies basketball team won their fifth National Championship, beating the Miami Hurricanes & San Diego St. Aztecs in the Final Four, both in convincing fashion.
Nuggets Win NBA Title In June 2023 the Denver Nuggets defeated the Miami Heat in five games to claim their first ever NBA Championship since joining the league in 1976. It was nice having an NBA Finals that didn’t include the LA Lakers, Golden St. Warriors, or any involvement at all from Lebron James.
LIV-PGA Merger When LIV Golf won this award a year ago I opined that “I’ll be surprised if the whole thing is anything more than a memory five years from now.” To be fair I guess LIV is still a thing, but in June 2023 LIV Golf, the PGA Tour, and PGA European Tour announced that the three organizations would pool their commercial rights into a new venture intended to unify the game of golf on a global basis. So now the lines are blurred, and y’all know what happens when too many cooks are in the kitchen.
and the Sammy(s) go to…..
DamarHamlin. Come on…the dude died on live television then came back to play football again the following season. That’s badass 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.
To present our next award it seems appropriate to bring on a lady who knows a thing or two about disappointing movies, having starred in Rhinestone in 1984, with more recent cameos in duds like MissCongeniality2: Armed&Fabulous and the big screen adaptation of TheBeverlyHillbillies. On the other hand, she’s a country music legend, was actually inducted into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame in 2022, and is now apparently an honorary Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Please get on your feet for Dolly Parton!! And the nominees are:
Most Disappointing Movie
The Machine Comedian Bert Kreischer has built a career on a gimmick of removing his shirt onstage and a hilarious story about partying with the Russian Mafia in college. Someone decided to flesh that story out into a feature film and cast Mark Hamill as Bert’s crotchety father. I’m reminded of so many pedestrian movies based on SNL sketches that take a really funny concept and expand it beyond its intended limits. Sometimes it’s best not to mess with greatness.
The Flash Michael Keaton is the best big screen Batman. Period. End of story. That’s the only reason I visited the local cineplex to see this movie, and that part works. It filled my inner 17 year old with absolute joy to see Keaton don the cape & cowl again. However, when it comes to time travel & messing with the time-space continuum 2021’s Spider-Man: No WayHome did it much better.
The Iron Claw Pro wrestling fans have been anticipating it for quite awhile. The tragic story of Texas’ Von Erich family would seem to be more than suitable for the silver screen. Unfortunately filmmakers made some poor casting choices and inexplicably cut out one of the brothers altogether. The Von Erichs deserve better.
and the Sammy goes to…..
TheFlash. As much as I enjoyed seeing Michael Keaton as Batman again after all these years the rest of the movie is a mess. The actor portraying the titular superhero is apparently a douchenozzle in real life, but he’s also not a good actor. There were alot of questionable decisions made by the filmmakers, not the least of which was choosing George Clooney for a surprise cameo. It should’ve been Christian Bale.
To present our next award it is an honor to welcome the man who won it a year ago. He was a bit hesitant to return to an awards show, but once we told him it was imaginary he happily agreed. Please give a warm welcome to, but keep your distance from, iconic comedian Chris Rock!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Water Cooler Topic
Chinese Spy Balloon From January 28 to February 4, 2023, a high-altitude balloon originating from China flew across North America, all the way from Alaska & western Canada before being shot down by the Air Force off the coast of South Carolina. The balloon was in fact equipped with surveillance technology, but the Biden Administration, as with so many of their nefarious activities, downplayed the situation and the media dutifully carried the water for them.
Asbury Revival In February 2023 a worship service at Asbury University in central Kentucky (about a half hour from Lexington) turned into a two week revival with approximately 70,000 people visiting from around the world. The school made the decision to end services after a couple of weeks for various logistical reasons, but the impact the event made is remarkable.
Titanic Sequel In June 2023 a submersible operated by an American tourism company imploded during an expedition to view the wreck of the Titanic in the North Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Newfoundland, Canada. Five people were killed. In hindsight it became clear that mistakes were made, shortcuts were taken, and the tragedy was entirely preventable.
Ozempic A drug that’s been used to treat diabetes for several years became quite popular in 2023 as a weight loss medication. I know someone who lost about 100lbs., so I asked my doctor about it. I took Ozempic for a few weeks, but the gastrointestinal side effects were just too much for me to deal with.
The Sound of Freedom It’s a movie about child trafficking in Colombia. While the subject matter deserves more attention and it is an important topic that we all need to be more aware of, I will be honest and tell you I did not watch it. Movies are an escape. I watch them to laugh, be entertained, and forget about the struggles of life. Does that make me a bad person?? So be it.
Bud Light Last Spring, when Anheuser-Busch hired a guy who is “Tik Tok famous” for “identifying” as a woman as a new spokesperson, the backlash from the blue collar, middle class, traditional values crowd that tends to be Budweiser’s most significant demographic was swift & impactful. Sales declined & stock prices fell dramatically. More often than not boycotts are “full of sound & fury, signifying nothing”, but in this case Bud Light learned a lesson they’ll probably not forget, atleast for awhile.
Travis & Taylor I’ve never understood the Taylor Swift hype. She’s just another fairly talented, somewhat attractive singer. They’re a dime-a-dozen. I do understand that Travis Kelce is perhaps the best tight end in football. They’ve been dating for several months, with her attending a few of his games. The sports media has been all in on covering the romance. Is it a PR stunt?? I don’t think so. Should anyone be buying them housewarming gifts?? Probably not.
Oliver Anthony Last summer a Virginia folk singer went viral with a song called RichMenNorthofRichmond, with lyrics like “Lord knows they all just wanna have total control…Wanna know what you think, wanna know what you do…And they don’t think you know but I know that you do…’Cause your dollar ain’t shit and it’s taxed to no end…’Cause of rich men north of Richmond”. The song struck a chord amongst the working class who have been struggling to make ends meet while Big Government tosses them aside to kowtow to the Climate Change Crowd, Pronoun Mafia, Ukraine, and Hollywood’s Elite. The humble singer has turned away multiple offers to cash in on his overnight fame, choosing to retain his principles and continue living a quiet, simple life out of the spotlight.
TwitterX In 2022 Elon Musk bought Twitter. In April 2023 the social media juggernaut was renamed “X”. In general I have supported the decisions Musk has made for the site, but this was just a dumb rebranding. I don’t really care at this point because my page got hacked and I can’t get it back, despite multiple efforts to do so.
Tucker Carlson & Don Lemon In April 2023 both controversial newsmen were fired…Carlson from Fox News, Lemon from CNN. Carlson seems quite content doing his own thing, unconstrained by corporate BS. Lemon will undoubtedly pop up somewhere in the future and be just as much of a tool.
Hollywood Strikes This past summer both the Screen Actors Guild & Writers Guild of America went on strike for several months. It didn’t affect my life all that much to be honest, except for a few movies & TV shows I like having delays in production.
The Debt Ceiling This again?? It seems like an annual battle between Congress & The White House, no matter which political party controls those entities. Perhaps if we’d stop sending billions of dollars overseas and take care of our own problems it wouldn’t be as much of an issue.
Cocaine At The White House This past summer the Secret Service found a small bag of nose candy in the White House. Normally this would be a big deal, but when it comes to the Biden Administration the status quo of “move along…nothing to see here”, with the news media running cover, means that the mystery was never solved and the story just faded into the ether. There’s no way that blow belonged to the President’s son, a known substance abuser, right?? Of course not.
Will & Jada Chris Rock has quickly bolted, and really, who could blame him. At any rate, what in the blue hell is up with Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith?? I am not a mental health professional, but both seem rather unstable, and their marriage appears to be quite dysfunctional. The less we hear about them in 2024 the happier many of us will be.
and the Sammy goes to…..
AsburyRevival. It’s good to see a positive story once in awhile, and it’s even better when it involves God touching thousands of lives. Our society needs much more revival. The great thing is it’s your personal choice. You can either embrace God moving so mightily in the world, or if God, faith, church, etc. isn’t your thing then you can choose to ignore it.
This feels like a great time to take a break. Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Sammys.
I sure hope this week isn’t as brutal as last, when we were both 2-5. Clearly we don’t know as much about college football as we’d prefer. At any rate, we’ve made it to the conference championship games. Playoff berths will be won & lost, while those left on the outside of that inner circle are jockeying for positions on the bowl game hierarchy. Let’s ride!!
My Season: 49-36
Zach’s Season: 40-45
New Mexico State at Liberty (-10.5)
C-USA Championship Game
The Flames won this matchup comfortably back in September and are coming in unbeaten. Unfortunately they’re a year too early to be included in the expanded playoff. The 10-3 Aggies played an extra game because they traveled to Hawaii. I don’t foresee this game being much different from the regular season meeting. Conversely, Zach likes NM St.’s dual threat QB and thinks it’ll be a close game. He has put Liberty on upset alert.
My Pick: Liberty
Zach’s Pick: New Mexico St.
Oregon (-8.5) vs. Washington
Pac-12 Championship Game (Las Vegas)
I know what I’m doing on Friday night!! Our local Christmas parade is at 6pm, but I should be home in time to fix myself a hot beverage and hunker down in front of the TV for a game with significant impact on the entire landscape. First, it is the final Pac 12 game ever, with practically every team bolting for “greener pastures” next year, which is sad. Secondly, the QB of the winning team…the Huskies’ Michael Penix Jr. or Bo Nix of the Ducks…will almost certainly become the prohibitive Heisman favorite. However, the biggest consideration here is that the winner will lock in a playoff berth. When these teams did battle in mid-October Washington scored a touchdown with a minute & a half on the clock for a dramatic victory. Since then both teams have kept on winning, but Oregon has looked more impressive. I think they take care of business and Nix wins the Heisman Trophy. Zach, on the other hand, foresees Washington winning with dramatic last minute drive, and believes the Huskies are legit National Championship contenders.
My Pick: Oregon
Zach’s Pick: Washington
Miami (OH) vs. Toledo (-8)
MAC Championship Game (Detroit)
I used to love some mid-week MACtion on ESPN, but truthfully I haven’t paid much attention for quite awhile. Since a season opening loss at Illinois the Rockets have reeled off eleven straight victories. The Red Hawks have had a very similar season except for their previous matchup against Toledo, which was a four point loss. Miami’s QB is Brett Gabbert, the younger brother of Blaine Gabbert, who was famously chosen in the first round of the NFL Draft ahead of JJ Watt and has worn more uniforms than a Village People tribute band. Anyway, I think Toledo gets a double digit win. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Toledo
Zach’s Pick: Toledo
Boise State (-3.5) at UNLV
Mountain West Championship Game
This will be the Broncos sixth appearance in the title game in the past seven years. They won two of those games. At 7-5 it’s kind of surprising they’re playing for the championship. Is the Mountain West that mid?? The 9-3 Rebels are playing in their first championship game since joining the conference in 1999, and The Vibes are telling me they’ll hoist the trophy on their home turf. Zach thinks it’ll be a shootout, with the favorites coming out on top.
My Pick: UNLV
Zach’s Pick: Boise St.
Southern Methodist at Tulane (-3.5)
AAC Championship Game
I didn’t give the Green Wave enough respect. Most outlets had them firmly entrenched in the Top 25 coming into the season after they finished 12-2 last year, but I gave that spot to UTSA (who finished this season 8-4). Tulane has duplicated their previous success and come into this contest 11-1. Meanwhile, the 10-2 Mustangs are riding an eight game winning streak. I am old enough to remember the glory days of SMU, with the Pony Express duo of Eric Dickerson & Craig James, followed by the “death penalty”, which shut down the program for a couple of years in the late 1980s and caused them to struggle for two decades. They have had some good seasons in the past ten years, but a conference championship would certainly put a bow on their comeback story. Zach opines that Tulane’s defense is going to need to step up and stop the high octane SMU offense, and he doesn’t think that will happen.
My Pick: SMU
Zach’s Pick: SMU
Appalachian State at Troy (-7)
Sun Belt Championship Game
When these teams met during the 2022 regular season the Mountaineers came away with a close win. The Trojans have won 10+ for the second consecutive year, while App. St. is 8-4 but have won five games in a row. I smell an upset brewing, so I’m leaning toward the underdogs. Zach thinks it could be the best game of the weekend, and he believes the visitors are a hotter team right now.
My Pick: Appalachian St.
Zach’s Pick: Appalachian St.
Texas (-11.5) vs. Oklahoma State
Big 12 Championship Game (Dallas)
The 9-3 Cowboys find themselves in this spot because they defeated in-state rival Oklahoma a few weeks ago, while the Longhorns lost to the Sooners in October but have beaten everyone else, including Alabama in the season opener, which could be weighed heavily by the playoff committee. Do “style points” factor into the “body of work”?? I think it does matter, which means the Longhorns will be left out in the cold if they don’t cover, even if they win. I would be surprised by an OK St. victory, but not shocked if they keep it close. That being said, I think Texas takes care of business. Zach doesn’t think the Cowboys have anything to lose so they’ll leave everything out on the field. He believes it’ll be competitive for three quarters, but ultimately Texas will pull away late.
My Pick: Texas
Zach’s Pick: Texas
Georgia (-4.5) vs. Alabama
SEC Championship Game (Atlanta)
Depending on which scenario shakes out, one or the other, neither, or both teams could be playoff bound. Could the unbeaten Bulldogs fall short in this game but still get the 4th playoff seed?? Perhaps. Conversely, the Tide almost certainly needs to win, and that season opening loss to Texas has to be important because invalidating head-to-head regular season results would be a bad look. ‘Bama leads the all-time series 42-26-4, but I think the favorites make the CFP Committee’s job a skosh easier with a 7-10 point triumph. Conversely, Zach has always been a huge Nick Saban fan. He has stated all season that Georgia isn’t as good as they’ve been the past few years, and he believes their luck will run out.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Alabama
Florida State (-5.5) vs. Louisville
ACC Championship Game
It might be the least attractive title game of them all going in, but maybe it’ll be more entertaining than it looks on paper. The undefeated Seminoles aren’t guaranteed a playoff berth even with a win, which is precisely why many thought expanding the field was necessary. The 10-2 Cardinals aren’t playoff contenders even with a victory, but a conference title and a New Year’s bowl game are worthy goals. Thus far Florida St. is doing just fine with a backup QB, so I think they win this game but get left out of the playoff. Zach thinks Florida St. will do just enough to win, and doesn’t see how they could be left out of the playoff in that case.
My Pick: Florida St.
Zach’s Pick: Florida St.
Michigan (-23) vs. Iowa
Big Ten Championship Game (Indianapolis)
I would be absolutely stunned if Iowa wins the game. At 10-2 they’ve certainly had a nice season and will receive a well deserved & lucrative bowl bid, but the unbeaten Wolverines are on another level. A win gets Michigan into the playoff, while a loss might not eliminate them completely, although too many unrealistic dominos would need to fall in that situation. I don’t believe it will be an issue though. The only questions are 1) will there be a hangover from the Ohio St. game, and 2) with bigger fish to fry could they possibly ease up in the second half, winning the game by only 15-20 points?? I’m going with “no” to both. Zach is playing it closer to the vest than me, taking Michigan to win but not to cover the huge spread.
Both of us were 3-2 last week, so nothing really changes there. The schedule is pretty stacked this weekend so we’re doing a double dose of picks. We are halfway thru the NFL season and in the home stretch with college football, which keeps things interesting as far as trying not to be repetitive. However, good teams & great matchups are what they are, so if we tend to focus on certain teams while ignoring others it is unintentional yet oftentimes unavoidable.
My Season: 38-25
Zach’s Season: 31-32
Michigan (-5.5) at Penn State
The undefeated Wolverines are battling for a playoff berth, while the 8-1 Nittany Lions still have an outside shot at playing for the Big Ten title. This is a Noon kickoff on Fox, which is a little odd, but it also means we get the broadcast team of Gus Johnson & Joel Klatt, who have become my favorite duo. The home field makes me skittish, but Michigan has dominated the rivalry in recent years, having beaten the home underdogs in six of their last nine battles. It’ll be fun for awhile, but I think the favorites grind it out for three & a half quarters before pulling away with a comfortable victory. Zach believes the time has come for his Wolverines, that this is the season they’ve been waiting for the past couple of decades. He has thought Penn St. overrated the entire season and forsees a huge win for his guys on the road.
My Pick: Michigan
Zach’s Pick: Michigan
Auburn at Arkansas (-3)
The 5-4 Tigers & the 3-6 Razorbacks have become afterthoughts in the SEC. Auburn needs a win to become bowl eligible, while Arkansas needs a win for a bit of self-respect. I’m a little surprised that Arkansas is favored, and I think the oddsmakers may have gotten it wrong. Zach agrees, predicting that the visitors will score a late touchdown for the win.
My Pick: Auburn
Zach’s Pick: Auburn
Miami (FL) at Florida State (-14.5)
This was one of the fiercest rivalries in the country a few decades ago, but it’s been a rough road for both programs in recent years. Both have shown signs of life here & there, though usually not at the same time. The ‘Canes are 6-3 but really have nothing to play for except pride and a more lucrative bowl invitation. Conversely, the unbeaten Seminoles can secure a playoff berth if they just keep winning. I’d be shocked if they lose, but can they cover on their turf?? Ultimately I foresee the favorites winning by 10-13 points, which they’ll be happy with but certain parties won’t like. Zach thinks State’s offensive firepower is just too much.
My Pick: Miami (FL)
Zach’s Pick: Florida St.
Mississippi at Georgia (-11.5)
The Bulldogs are still winning every game, but it doesn’t seem like they’re as dominant as we’ve all come to expect. Perhaps they are bored. If that’s the case they’ll need to kick it up a notch because the 8-1 Rebels have big plans that begin with pulling off an upset. Do I think that will happen?? No, not in the cozy confines of Athens, GA. That being said, I don’t believe the home team wins by more than ten points. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Ole Miss
Zach’s Pick: Ole Miss
Utah at Washington (-9.5)
Coulda, woulda, shoulda. It could have been a great matchup if the 7-2 Utes had their starting QB and hadn’t gotten smoked by both Oregon teams. They can still end up with a nice season and play in the Sun Bowl or Alamo Bowl, but a third consecutive PAC 12 title isn’t going to happen. Conversely, the 9-0 Huskies have a playoff berth on the horizon if they win out. I think it’ll be a decent game, but Washington is just too good and they’re not going to let their foot off the gas now. Zach isn’t totally sold on Washington as a playoff contender, but he thinks they’ll win this game.
My Pick: Washington
Zach’s Pick: Washington
Southern California at Oregon (-14.5)
While QB Caleb Williams snuggles his Mommy and plans a future as an NFL owner his Trojans have lost three of their last four games. Meanwhile, the 8-1 Ducks still have conference title and playoff aspirations. Oregon QB Bo Nix is my Heisman favorite and this is a fantastic opportunity to grab the attention of voters. It’s a 10:30pm kickoff on Fox, which I freakin’ love. Man those points scare me though!! When was the last time USC was a two TD underdog?? The folks in Eugene better show up & show out because their team needs them on Saturday night. The points are just too much for Zach. He likes Oregon to win, but believes it’ll be closer than two TDs.
My Pick: Oregon
Zach’s Pick: USC
Indianapolis (-1.5) at New England
In the preseason I opined that I was hesitant to stick a fork in the Patriots, but at 2-7 they’re even worse than I anticipated, which brings me no small amount of joy. At 4-5 the Colts aren’t that much better, but losing a starting QB does tend to affect a team negatively. We’re really setting new precedents this week, as I have to think that the Pats being underdogs in Foxboro has been rare the past couple of decades. It’ll probably be an ugly game, but somebody has to win, and I think that’ll be the visiting favorites in a low scoring slugfest that everyone will want to forget as quickly as possible. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Indianapolis
Zach’s Pick: Indianapolis
Houston at Cincinnati (-7.5)
The 5-3 Bengals have won three in a row after a rough start and seem to be hitting their stride in a wide open AFC North. The 4-4 Texans have shown flashes of potential just as I predicted. I’ll be much more interested in this matchup in a couple of years, but right now Cincy is clearly the better team. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Cincinnati
Zach’s Pick: Cincinnati
San Francisco (-2.5) at Jacksonville
Lather, rinse, repeat. Much like Houston, the 6-2 Jags look to be a team with a bright future, but they’re not quite there just yet. They’ll likely win a weak division then get bounced in the first round of the playoffs. Conversely, the 5-3 Niners had been, until recently, one of the more complete teams in the league, and anything short of hoisting the Lombardi Trophy will be a disappointment. Having said that, we cannot overlook the fact that they’ve lost three straight games. Why?? It’d be easy to blame QB Brock Purdy, and it’s a valid point. Don’t ever forget that he was Mr. Irrelevant and had eight signal callers chosen ahead of him, including Chris Oladokun & Skylar Thompson. Perhaps Purdy has been exposed. However, I actually think defense is a bigger issue and one that can be fixed rapidly, especially when you add a piece like recently acquired defensive end Chase Young. Call me delusional, but I still believe ‘Frisco is the better team and will dig deep to score a vital road victory. Zach forsees San Francisco relying heavily on their rushing attack to get an important win.
My Pick: San Francisco
Zach’s Pick: San Francisco
Washington at Seattle (-6)
If the 49ers continue to fold like a cheap suit the 5-3 Seahawks will be more than happy to take the division. I told y’all a few months ago that the NFC West would be hotly contested, and that might prove to be accurate if things continue down the current path. However, let’s not shortchange the 4-5 Commanders, who could easily be a couple of games better had the ball bounced just a bit differently. They will likely end up being as mediocre as I thought they’d be, but they’re a gritty team that doesn’t go down easily. I think the home field is too much to overcome, and Seattle will cover…but it won’t be a blowout. Zach doesn’t think it’ll be particularly competitive and agrees that Seattle is the better team.
First of all, I am making an unprecedented executive decision. Zach & I both chose Penn St. to atleast cover the 7 & a half point spread against Ohio St. The Nittany Lions scored a touchdown with 29 seconds left to draw within eight points. At that point they decided to go for a two point conversion that failed. They were going to need to recover an onside kick to have a chance, which didn’t work out. Had that been successful they would have needed a touchdown & extra point to win. However, if they would’ve simply kicked the extra point with 29 seconds remaining they would’ve needed that same thing, only for a tie & to force overtime. Essentially going for two only served to screw anyone for whom that one point (really a half point) might’ve been important. Since we do not promote gambling here 😉, have no money on the line, and both of us had the same pick, I am rewarding us with a win. At the end of the day that means I was 4-1, while Zach was 2-3. Let’s see what we can do this week.
My Season: 31-22
Zach’s Season: 25-28
Oregon (-7) at Utah
The 6-1 Utes got a rather significant victory over USC last weekend, while the 6-1 Ducks rebounded nicely from their only loss of the season. Both teams are still in the thick of the PAC 12 title hunt, with Utah getting an opportunity in a few weeks to do what Oregon couldn’t do – defeat Washington. As for this game, ESPN’s Gameday will be on site, adding a layer of excitement & relevance, as if a Top 15 matchup needed extra juice. Before the season I had Oregon ranked 20th & Utah 11th, but that was contingent upon the leadership of QB Cameron Rising. Unfortunately the young man’s recovery from a knee injury has been slower than expected and he’s going to be redshirted. Obviously the home underdogs in this matchup have fared just fine without him, but in a game of this caliber I simply have more confidence in the visiting team’s signal caller, Bo Nix. Zach forsees a shootout, but also has more confidence in Oregon’s offense.
My Pick: Oregon
Zach’s Pick: Oregon
Georgia (-14.5) vs. Florida
It’s a “neutral site” game in Jacksonville, which is about 275 miles closer to Gainesville, FL than Athens, GA. The Bulldogs have been in a couple of competitive games but remain unbeaten, while the Gators are 5-2 and still riding the roller coaster. Is it a trap game for the defending National Champions?? Is the Florida-Georgia line a bit too much?? I say no to both questions. Zach doesn’t believe Georgia is as good as they were the past couple of years, and points out that the absence of tight end Brock Bowers is significant. At the end of the day he thinks they’ll snag another win, but believes Florida will keep it close.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Florida
NY Jets (-3) vs. NY Giants
It’s the Battle of New York…or New Jersey. Either way, there is no home field advantage. Credit to the Jets for not folding like a cheap suit after Aaron Rodgers went down with an injury less than a minute into the season. At 3-3 they are atleast remaining respectable, although I don’t believe they’ll be a playoff team. Conversely, even though they’ve only won one less game, it already feels like a lost season for the 2-5 Giants. I don’t believe it’ll be a particularly compelling matchup, with the Jets winning by a touchdown. Zach concurs, opining that the game will likely be a snoozefest.
My Pick: NY Jets
Zach’s Pick: NY Jets
Baltimore (-8.5) at Arizona
The 5-2 Ravens lead their division, but have a very small margin of error. The 1-6 Cards may be getting QB Kyler Murray back soon, but not quite yet. Even when that happens I’m not sure it’ll make much of a difference. I thought a few months ago that they’d improve upon last season’s abysmal 4-13 record, but now I’m not confident they’ll reach that goal. As much as I’d love to see Baltimore lose I don’t think that’s what’ll happen. Zach predicts an epic five TD beat down.
My Pick: Baltimore
Zach’s Pick: Baltimore
Las Vegas at Detroit (-8.5)
It seems like some folks might be ready to jump off the Detroit bandwagon after they had their ass handed to them last week, but not me. They still hold a comfortable lead in their division, and we can’t forget the season opening upset of KC. Conversely, the 3-4 Raiders are going nowhere fast. This is Josh McDaniels’ second head coaching gig, and it’s clear that he’s a much better offensive coordinator. In my mind the only question about Monday night is whether or not the Lions will go full throttle enough to cover the points, and ultimately I believe they will. Zach has no hesitation in predicting the home team will win easily.
At this point we’re starting to separate the contenders from the pretenders, especially in college. As conference games begin to dominate the schedule and divisional battles in the NFL heat up the bigger picture will come into focus. Having said that, it’s way too soon to get cocky if you’re favorite team(s) have gotten off to a hot start, and much too early to give up if they’ve stumbled a bit. Both of us were 5-2 last weekend, which is pretty great, but now the real fun begins.
My Season: 20-10
Zach’s Season: 18-12
Cincinnati at BYU (-2.5)
I had to double check to see if both teams had already joined the Big 12 or if that was happening next year. Conference realignment is such bullsquat. Anyway, both did join the conference this season, and right now the 3-1 Cougars have a slight edge over the 2-2 Bearcats. In general I feel like Cincy gets way too much credit for the one year they were really good and somehow snuck into the playoff before being owned by Alabama. Conversely, BYU has a much longer tradition of being a very solid high level program. This is a late Friday night kickoff on ESPN, and I think the home field holds serve, with the favorites covering in a tight contest. Zach foresees a high scoring affair with the home team scoring late to secure the victory.
My Pick: BYU
Zach’s Pick: BYU
Texas A&M (-6.5) vs. Arkansas
So far Jimbo Fisher’s team is on pace to vastly improve on last season’s horrific record, but the job is far from finished. This is a neutral site game at the Palace in Dallas, with a Noon kickoff on the SEC Network. The 2-2 Razorbacks have lost two consecutive games and would love to stop any potential free fall. They are the sort of team that wins 7-9 games in good years while never being in the conference title or CFP conversation, but seem to always play one really great game, upsetting an opponent they weren’t supposed to beat. Will that happen against A&M?? I don’t think so. Conversely, Zach believes Arkansas’ secret weapon is their strength & conditioning program and thinks that’ll be a factor in upsetting an A&M team that’s really not that good.
My Pick: Texas A&M
Zach’s Pick: Arkansas
Georgia (-14.5) at Auburn
Auburn hasn’t beaten Georgia since 2017 when the Bulldogs subsequently avenged that defeat by beating the Tigers in the SEC title game. The favorites are 4-0 and have scored 45+ points in three of those games. Meanwhile, the home team is 3-1 but just got shellacked at Texas A&M. I would love to see a really fun, competitive game Saturday afternoon, but I don’t think that’ll happen. Zach doesn’t believe Georgia is as dominant as they’ve been the last couple of years and thinks they’ll get off to a slow start. Ultimately though, he sees them pulling away late for a big win.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Georgia
Pittsburgh (-3) at Houston
We normally don’t pick Steelers games because both Zach & I are honest about our bias. I’ve been cheering for the black & gold since the days of Terry Bradshaw & The Steel Curtain. Zach is much younger but grew up rooting for Hines Ward, Big Ben, & Troy Polamalu. We are well aware that our team is in a struggle phase at the moment and trust me…we have lots of opinions. Having said that, I’m confident the favorites will get the job done on the road. The Texans are trending upward and will be a legit playoff contender in a year or two, but I don’t believe they’re there quite yet. Rookie quarterback CJ Stroud looks like he’ll be good down the road, but this weekend I think the Steelers defense will eat him alive. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Pittsburgh
Zach’s Pick: Pittsburgh
Seattle at NY Giants (1.5)
I’m not sure what to make of this one. On one hand, it’s normal that the 1-2 Giants would get the home field bump, but it’s only half of what it would normally be, which is showing respect toward Seattle. However, the mere fact that the 2-1 Seahawks aren’t favored at all seems disrespectful to me. I’ve watched both teams play, and I think Seattle is flat out a better team. I believe they’ll win, and it won’t be particularly close. Zach has a very low opinion of the Giants and agrees that the visiting underdogs will win big on Monday night.
Y’all, the season hasn’t even begun yet and I’m already sick of hearing about conference realignment. Many years ago, when such insanity was a fairly new trend, I offered up my own thoughts about how I’d reorganize college football. Perhaps I’ll revisit the concept because I believe some of my ideas were rather solid.
Anyhow, that’s a discussion for another day, because no matter how irritated I become about the stupidity surrounding college athletics the truth is for the next few months I’ll be glued to my television every Saturday watching hours & hours of glorious gridiron action. I will not let university suits or TV execs steal my joy. So, per tradition that stretches back to atleast 2009, let’s see if we can forecast with any degree of reasonable accuracy how that final poll will look on January 9, 2024. This will be the final year for the four team playoff, as it expands to 12 teams next season. I’m still not sure how I feel about that, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
25 Fresno State
Last Season: 10-4
Key Games: 9/2 @ Purdue, 10/13 @ Utah St., 11/4 vs. Boise St.
The truth is all of the “big” teams in the “power” conferences will do their fair share of knocking each other out. That means that teams from the “other” conferences have an opportunity to sneak into the polls and receive some love if they have double digit wins and battle for their conference title. I’ve always been intrigued by Fresno and enjoy watching their late night games. I see no reason why they can’t match last year’s success, especially if they come out of the gate strong by going to West Lafayette and upsetting the Boilermakers.
24 Troy
Last Season: 12-2
Key Games: 9/9 @ Kansas St., 9/16 vs. James Madison, 11/2 vs. South Alabama
Most other polls will have Tulane in this spot, but I tend to go against the grain. The Trojans coasted to the Sun Belt title a year ago and return 13 starters from that team. I don’t believe they’ll go into Manhattan, KS and beat the Wildcats, but wouldn’t be shocked if they win every other game on the schedule.
23 Oregon State
Last Season: 10-3
Key Games: 9/29 vs. Utah, 10/14 vs. UCLA, 11/24 @ Oregon
It’s a damn shame that the PAC 12 is imploding, but the Beavers will land on their feet in the restructured league. For now though, the mission is to build on a ten win season, which concluded with beating the snot out of Florida in the Las Vegas Bowl. I foresee atleast one huge upset this year.
22 Tennessee
Last Season: 11-2
Key Games: 9/30 vs. South Carolina, 10/21 @ Alabama, 11/18 vs. Georgia
The Vols pose a lot of questions. They defeated LSU & Alabama last season, and pulverized Clemson in the Orange Bowl. However, they barely got by Pitt in overtime, lost at Georgia, and just didn’t show up in a 25 point loss at South Carolina in which the Gamecocks scored 63 points. Five Tennessee starters were chosen in the NFL Draft, including two wide receivers, a mammoth offensive tackle, and their starting quarterback. The QB situation shouldn’t be an issue though, as former starter Joe Milton received significant playing time a year ago and started the last few games due to injury. I think they’ll have a successful season, but it’ll be damn near impossible to equal the achievements of 2022.
21 Wisconsin
Last Season: 7-6
Key Games: 9/22 @ Purdue, 10/14 vs. Iowa, 10/28 vs. Ohio St.
This one is giving me a bit of anxiety. The Big Ten is deep & competitive, and the Badgers haven’t been all that impressive the past few years. That being said, I’ve always had a soft spot for the type of throwback smashmouth football played in Madison. I think they can get to nine wins and snag a spot on the back end of the rankings.
Atleast the PAC 12 might go out with a bang. No honest “expert” can accurately predict which one of a half dozen teams will emerge as the champion. That should provide plenty of late Saturday night entertainment in the next few months. QB Bo Nix could put himself in the Heisman conversation if the revamped offensive line protects him. A reconstructed defense via the transfer portal needs to kick it up a notch to get the Ducks back to ten win territory.
19 Texas A&M
Last Season: 5-7
Key Games: 10/7 vs. Alabama, 10/14 @ Tennessee, 10/28 vs. South Carolina
Is Jimbo Fisher on the hot seat?? After signing a ten year $75 million contract in 2018, A&M extended him in 2021. It’s a bold strategy that hasn’t paid dividends on the field, with Fisher having his worst year yet in College Station a season ago. The Aggies had a six game losing skid in October/November, but finished by upsetting LSU and likely costing them a playoff berth. Was 2022 an anomaly?? Can this team rebound in a big way and save their coach’s job, if it is indeed on shaky ground?? The talent is allegedly there, and now it’s time to see results. Jimbo hails from my hometown and we graduated from the same high school, so I’m rooting for him to succeed.
The Big Ten is tough. At first glance the Hawkeyes might only be the 6th or 7th best team, which could make it difficult for them to finish in the Top 25. Last season Iowa’s defense was stout, allowing only 13 points/game, but the offense struggled, scoring over 30 points just once. Enter Cade McNamara, a former Michigan QB. McNamara will be behind center in Iowa City with two seasons of eligibility. Is that enough to propel an anemic offense into conference title contention?? We’ll see.
In a world full of Tigers, Wildcats, Eagles, and Bulldogs one must give a tip of the cap to the Roadrunners. However, not only do they have a cool nickname, but UTSA is a pretty good football team. They are 23-5 in the past two seasons and have 16 returning starters on both sides of the ball, including quarterback & C-USA MVP Frank Harris. UTSA moves to the AAC this year, which puts them on a collision course with defending conference champion Tulane. That might be one of the better matchups on Thanksgiving Weekend.
16 Air Force
Last Season: 10-3
Key Games: 9/15 vs. Utah St., 10/21 @ Navy, 11/24 @ Boise St.
The Falcons won the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy last season by defeating both Army & Navy, but didn’t fare as well in-conference after losing three Mountain West games. They have to remedy that in 2023 by winning games at Boise and at home against Utah St.
The ACC is probably the next domino to fall, but it will remain intact for another year and likely produce some rather decent football games. The Tar Heels fell short in both the conference title game & the Holiday Bowl a season ago, but with potential first round draft pick Drake Maye returning at quarterback there is reason to believe that they’ll be atleast as good, and potentially better if the defense rises to the occasion.
14 Texas
Last Season: 8-5
Key Games: 9/9 @ Alabama, 9/23 @ Baylor, 11/4 vs. Kansas St.
Who will start under center for the Longhorns?? Will sophomore Quinn Ewers hold onto the gig, or will much ballyhooed freshman Arch Manning overtake him at some point?? Either way there seems to be a level of legit optimism in the Lone Star State we haven’t seen for quite some time. This will be the final year in the Big 12 before moving to the SEC, so perhaps they’ll make hay while the sun shines. Don’t be shocked if the ‘Horns march into Tuscaloosa in early September and upset ‘Bama.
The Seminoles haven’t received this much preseason hype in several years. That’s what a ten win season will accomplish. Can they sustain that level of success?? The out-of-conference schedules looks a bit dicey, but they’ll be in the ACC title hunt. A late September battle in Death Valley looms large, although I’m not prepared to predict an upset.
12 Notre Dame
Last Season: 9-4
Key Games: 9/23 vs. Ohio St., 10/14 vs. USC, 11/4 @ Clemson
It’s standard operating procedure for the Irish to get preseason love, whether they deserve it or not. To achieve such a lofty ranking they absolutely must pull off an upset or two, which won’t be an easy task. Head coach Marcus Freeman didn’t have a bad first season at all, but nine wins & a Gator Bowl victory is far below the standard in South Bend. As much as I loved seeing my alma mater Marshall Thundering Herd venture into hostile territory and pull off one of the biggest upsets in college football history I understand it was a one in a million twist of fate. Add to that Notre Dame having the misfortune to play Ohio St. in the opener. They won’t begin the season 0-2 again, and will probably be 4-0 before hosting the Buckeyes in a possible revenge game.
The Utes will be vying for their third consecutive (and final, with a pending move to the Big 12 on the horizon) PAC 12 title, but hope that this time it lands them in the playoff or atleast ends with a bowl victory. They’ll need to score a big upset (or two) on the road, but that seems doable under the leadership of sixth year senior QB Cam Rising. I’m not sure another conference championship or a playoff berth is in the cards, but I’m confident this will be a really fun team to watch.
10 Ohio State
Last Season: 11-2
Key Games: 9/23 @ Notre Dame, 10/21 vs. Penn St., 11/25 @ Michigan
Most polls will have the Buckeyes ranked in the Top 5, but I can’t go there. After appearing in the playoff 3 out of the last 4 seasons I believe they’ll fall short in 2023. Road games at The Big House and in South Bend won’t be easy, and after beating Penn St. six straight times I’m not willing to bet there’ll be a seventh. The pendulum feels like it is swinging in the Big Ten ever so slightly, with a few other teams catching up to Ohio St.
9 Alabama
Last Season: 11-2
Key Games: 9/9 vs. Texas, 10/7 @ Texas A&M, 11/4 vs. LSU
I know, I know. Roll Tide. Nick Saban. They always seem to reload, no matter how much production they’ve lost. However, I think replacing three first round draft picks…a Heisman Trophy winning QB, a starting running back, and the best defensive player in college football…is alot to ask. Don’t be surprised if it’s another two loss season for ‘Bama.
8 Penn State
Last Season: 11-2
Key Games: 9/23 vs. Iowa, 10/21 @ Ohio St., 11/11 vs. Michigan
The Nittany Lions have been decidedly uneven in nine seasons under head coach James Franklin. He’s had four 10+ win seasons, but also had four years when they didn’t get past seven victories. This feels like a pivotal moment in the Franklin Era in Happy Valley, and I think they’ll come thru. Can they go into The Horseshoe in Columbus and leave with a win?? Maybe. Hosting the Veterans Day game against Michigan will be huge and could very well decide a spot in the conference title game.
7 Washington
Last Season: 11-2
Key Games: 10/14 vs. Oregon, 11/4 @ USC, 11/11 vs. Utah
Amongst the QBs receiving preseason hype Michael Penix tends to fly under the radar, even after leading the FBS in passing yards last season & becoming Washington’s single season passing leader. That being said, defense wins championships, and the Huskies lost twice last year, despite the offense scoring 30+ points both times. Those losses cost them a chance to compete for the conference title. Can they do just a little better in 2023?? I think it’s possible.
6 Clemson
Last Season: 11-3
Key Games: 9/23 vs. Florida St., 11/4 vs. Notre Dame, 11/18 vs. North Carolina
After six consecutive playoff appearances the Tigers fell short last year, with a surprising three TD loss at Notre Dame and a one point heartbreaker at home to in-state rival South Carolina to blame. It’s not a question of whether or not they’ll be in the hunt…they will. However, with the ACC not being as respected as other conferences it doesn’t take much to dissuade the powers-that-be from including them in the post-season party. Certainly no one from Clemson can complain about being left out one time, but the question is can they make a more convincing argument this season?? It’ll be close, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see atleast one loss before Thanksgiving.
Texas & Oklahoma have always gotten most of the accolades in the Big 12, which they have now used to finagle their way into the SEC. For anyone paying attention though the Big 12 has been much deeper than those two schools and will survive just fine without them. Manhattan, KS is only the 9th largest city in the 15th smallest state in the nation, but their football team looked pretty damn impressive last year. Most of the starting offense returns, while the defense will have several new faces. At the end of the day I don’t believe the money people will allow the Big 12 to invade their playoff party again, but I think another conference title for the Wildcats is a real possibility.
4 LSU
Last Season: 10-4
Key Games: 9/3 vs. Florida St., 11/4 @ Alabama, 11/25 vs. Texas A&M
The Bayou Bengals have been a model of inconsistency in recent years. After appearing in two national title games in 2007 & 2011 (winning one championship) they fired head coach Les Miles during the 2016 season. They won another national title in 2019 with Ed Orgeron at the helm, but fired him just two years later after a second consecutive losing season. Former Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly apparently thought the heat would be more tolerable in Baton Rouge and led his team to ten wins & a Top 20 ranking a season ago. Now they have eight starters returning on offense but must rebuild a defense that lost seven starting players. To put themselves in this position LSU needs to win 2 out of the 3 games noted. Can they get past Alabama in their division?? If so, can they follow up by defeating Georgia in the SEC title game, or atleast make such a strong impression that they sneak into the playoff even with a loss?? I think there’s a legit chance things could go their way.
You’re going to hear the name Caleb Williams a lot in the next few months. The defending Heisman Trophy winner is the clear favorite once again and could become only the second player to win that award twice. Don’t get it twisted though…USC is much more than Williams. They return 14 starters across the offense & defense from a squad that was 11-3 & ranked #12 in the nation. Utah beat them twice last year, and there’s no way in hell that happens again. Anything less than being undefeated will be a huge disappointment for the Trojans.
2 Georgia
Last Season: 15-0
Key Games: 9/16 vs. South Carolina, 9/30 @ Auburn, 11/18 @ Tennessee
Alabama’s dominance had grown tedious, which might eventually happen with the Georgia, but we’re not there yet. Ten former Bulldogs were selected in the NFL Draft, and that’s after 15 were drafted in 2022. Clearly they’re doing something right in Athens. Junior QB Carson Beck looks like he’ll be the guy replacing the departed Stetson Bennett, and indications are he’s more athletically gifted than his predecessor. They return 70% of last year’s production of defense (I’ll spare you a boring explanation of that statistic), despite guys like Jalen Carter & Kelee Ringo going pro. The player getting the most love, oddly enough, seems to be tight end Brock Bowers, who has drawn comparisons to the 49ers’ George Kittle. There’s no reason to believe we won’t see Georgia in the playoff vying for a third straight title, which hasn’t been done since the Minnesota Golden Gophers did it in 1934-36.
1 Michigan
Last Season: 13-1
Key Games: 9/30 @ Nebraska, 11/11 @ Penn St., 11/25 vs. Ohio St.
Upon Jim Harbaugh’s hiring as Michigan’s 20th head coach in 2015 I predicted he’d have them in playoff contention within three years. I suppose we could debate the specific parameters of contention, but the Wolverines finally got invited to the party in 2021 then returned last season. Perhaps a little behind schedule, but that’s okay. The bigger issue is that they’ve fallen short twice, to Georgia & TCU. There’s no shame in the former, but the latter, wherein a solid second half wasn’t good enough to overcome a two TD first quarter deficit, has likely haunted the guys in Ann Arbor for the past several months. Can they get over the hump?? With 13 returning starters the expectations are thru the roof. It’s pretty simple…win the games they’re supposed to win, beat Ohio St. at The Big House, and don’t stumble in the Big Ten title game. Of course they’ve done those things then fell short in The Final Four. Will this year be different?? I think it just might.
In retrospect we didn’t talk about sports as much last year as usual, which probably made a few folks happy. Of course I wasn’t as prolific overall in 2022, and it remains to be seen if that’ll change anytime soon. It’s been a rough few years in The Manoverse, and quite simply I’m not the same guy I used to be. That’s a whole can o’ worms we won’t open right now though. Instead let’s put a bow on the football season and perhaps address another topic or two.
Congratulations to the Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs. Did the Philadelphia Eagles get screwed by the stripes?? Yes & no. The controversial defensive holding penalty at the end of the game was legit, although I don’t think it’s a call that should be made in that moment. It was ticky-tacky…technically correct but still not a good look for the officiating crew. In general I thought it was a good game, although the fact that I didn’t have a dog in the fight on any level negatively affected my enjoyment of it. The anthem was alright, as was the halftime show, though neither were my cup o’ tea. It was generally an unremarkable event that I’ve already pretty much forgotten about.
You may recall that Zach & I went into the last week of the regular season tied in our Pigskin Picks of Profundity, and we picked all eight games the same in that final week, necessitating an unprecedented tiebreaker. We both went 3-5, finishing the season at 57-64. However, using the tiebreaker I was “closest to the hole” in 6 of the 8 games, giving me the season victory. I can’t wait to do it all again in a few months.
If I may go off the beaten path for a moment…
I watched with some level of befuddlement recently as Lebron James became the NBA’s all time leading scorer, eclipsing the record held by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar since 1984. When James broke the record near the end of the third quarter they STOPPED THE GAME and had a whole ceremony on the damn court!! Then the Lakers lost the game!!!! First, I do not have an issue with the record being broken. It’s a record of longevity really, and both Abdul-Jabbar & James played in the NBA for over two decades, with the latter probably continuing on for another year or two. That is undeniably impressive. However, my perception of Lebron James is that he’s always been a Me First kind of guy, both on & off the court. Everywhere he has played the talking heads have whined about Lebron needing more help or Lebron not having enough talent around him to win a championship. That has resulted in him bouncing from Cleveland to Miami back to Cleveland and on to Los Angeles chasing titles. He’s played in ten NBA Finals but won only four championships, all the while blaming the losses on everyone else but the guy in the mirror. Conversely, Michael Jordan won six titles in eight years, and I have zero doubt it would’ve been eight titles had he not taken a soul searching sojourn into minor league baseball in the wake of his father’s murder. Not only did he not run away from Chicago complaining about the talent surrounding him not being good enough, but I cannot fathom any scenario in which Jordan would’ve allowed a game to be completely halted to celebrate an individual achievement. I know he wouldn’t have been okay with his team losing just because he set a record. James’ teammates will continue to say the right things, but I couldn’t help but wonder if they were seething that night, watching the masses fawn all over one guy while ignoring the team’s loss.
I suppose congratulations are also in order for college football’s back-to-back national champions, the Georgia Bulldogs. After a thrilling semifinal round that saw the Bulldogs defeat the Ohio St. Buckeyes with a last second field goal right at the stroke of midnight to welcome a new year, and the TCU Horned Frogs upset the Michigan Wolverines in the highest scoring game of the Fiesta Bowl’s 50+ year history, the title game was an epic disappointment in which Georgia beat TCU like Sonny Corleone battered Carlo Rizzi in The Godfather. I think I changed the channel in the first quarter.
Speaking of college football, Zach bested me in our Bowl-a-Palooza picks. He was 23-20, while I was a putrid 19-24. I’m sure he’d give up that victory in a millisecond though to change the outcome of the Fiesta Bowl and see his Wolverines get a shot at the title.
Greetings Manoverse, and welcome to the 2022 Sammy Awards!! It has been a tradition here since 2010 for us to welcome a new year by saying a fond farewell to the old year. We look back at the key moments, people, & topics that made the past 12 months what they were. We celebrate the highlights & allow ourselves to lament the lowlights. A wise teacher once said “Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them”, and we believe it is good to remember what happened and give those stories kudos or derision…whichever is appropriate. So sit back, grab some popcorn & your beverage of choice, and enjoy the world’s most irreverent fake awards show!!
To host the festivities it is our pleasure to welcome one of our most underrated comedians. He has received multiple Grammy nominations, is known for working clean, and offers low key, relatable observations on topics with which we are all familiar. Please welcome to the stage Jim Gaffigan!!
After some hilarious opening comments from our host it is time to hand out some hardware!! To do the honors we are excited to welcome a beloved actor from the 1970s. He starred in one of the few romantic dramas about a blind ice skater, the 1978 classic Ice Castles, as well as Ode to Billy Joe, in which he hurls himself off a bridge after having sex with Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane from The Dukes of Hazzard. Give a rousing ovation for the very much alive (who knew??) Robby Benson!! And the nominees are:
Favorite TV Show
The World According to Jeff Goldblum
Quirky actor Goldblum returned to Disney+ with fresh episodes examining topics like dogs, fireworks, & motorcycles. He doesn’t necessarily break new ground on these subjects, but does approach them from a distinct perspective.
General Hospital
Yes, I still watch “my stories” (as my grandmothers used to call them). However, not only are there only four soap operas remaining, just one feels worthy of recognition. I’ve been a fan of GH since the early 80s, and still look forward to watching it whenever time permits (which is often enough since I have no life {I’m “producing” a fake awards show for God’s sake}).
Cobra Kai
The 4th season was released on NY’s Eve 2021, and in a pleasant surprise Season 5 came along just months later in September 2022. It’s still a compelling story for those old enough to have enjoyed the Karate Kid films back in the day, and I suppose it’s a good enough show to have attracted younger fans not as familiar with the movies. That being said, it feels like the upcoming season (which may not arrive for another year) should be the end unless they do some sort of time jump. It’s more difficult to get away with having 20-somethings portray high school students than it used to be.
The Santa Clauses
This was a nice little holiday treat. Tim Allen returned for a six episode series on Disney+ in which Santa Claus (fka Scott Calvin) decides to retire, chooses a successor, and things go awry. Y’all should check it out while you’re still in the holiday spirit.
WWE Raw/NXT/Smackdown
Am I as big of a wrestling fan as I used to be?? No. I ponder the question of whether the product just isn’t as captivating as it was in the heyday of Hulk Hogan & Ric Flair or The Rock & “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, or if perhaps I’m just not the same person I was in my youth. Either way, I still watch the shows, but don’t find them as interesting as I did once upon a time.
and the Sammy goes to…..
General Hospital. For the second year in a row consistency wins. I still haven’t totally bought into the whole streaming thing, and I’m not sure I ever will. I like having new episodes to look forward to. I don’t really enjoy binging everything in a few days then having to wait months for my next fix. GH continues to be well written with a great cast. It may not be your cup o’ tea and that’s okay, but having grown up with the show the fine folks in Port Charles, NY almost seem like family. Dysfunctional?? Sure, but that’s fine.
To present our next award we are happy to have two characters that underwent a bit of a makeover in 2022. In an effort to be inclusive or whatever…some kind of PC bullsquat…Green M&M was stripped of her lip gloss, high heeled boots, & long eyelashes, and instead given sneakers & a plain face, apparently to appease female gym teachers & golfers on the LPGA Tour. Not to be outdone, Disney decided to toss Minnie Mouse’s iconic red polka dot dress and pander to Hillary Clinton voters by putting Minnie in an unflattering black & blue pantsuit. We don’t play those kind of silly games here at The Sammys. We love women & embrace femininity, so we are happy to welcome to the stage OG Green M&M and Minnie Mouse!! And the nominees are:
Favorite App
Words with Friends
Full disclosure…I became bored by Words in the latter half of 2022. I’m pretty sure that the plethora of challenges I received daily were from bots rather than real people, and I decided to step away for awhile. I’ll probably return soon enough.
Instagram
In less than three years I have posted over 12k memes on Insta. It’s usually the first thing I do when I wake up. Weird?? Kind of sad?? Yes & yes, but atleast I’m honest.
Amazon Music
I’d rather listen to music than watch television most of the time. I am very moody when it comes to the tunes I enjoy. What I’m into might change on a daily basis. However, I’ve never been unable to find what I’m looking for on Amazon Music. It’s $10/month well spent.
Pic Stitch
I take a lot of photos whenever I attend a social event. I might take a hundred pics but end up with 35 good ones by the time I filter out blurry or repetitive shots. This app allows me to be even more efficient by stitching together two or more photos so that out of the original 100 I end up posting maybe 15 or 20 to social media.
TextArt
I’ve segued into creating my own memes!! Sometimes I see a quote I like or an existing meme that just seems too busy, so I take the basic concept & create a better version the way I want it. Perhaps I missed my calling as a graphic designer.
Air Brush
I see memes or picture quotes all the time that just need something unnecessary erased out of them. It’s not always as tight & precise as I’d prefer, but it is usually adequate for my purposes.
Infinity 8 Ball
I went thru my Spades phase, but now I’ve moved on to billiards. Thus far I’ve played over 1400 games and have fallen just below a 60% win rate.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Amazon Music. After being nominated a couple of times in the past Amazon Music finally earns the prize. You may use Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, iHeart Radio, or any of the plethora of music apps available, and that’s cool. I’m sure they’re all great. For me Amazon has been a reliable & functional tool that’s become an indispensable part of daily life.
To present our next two awards it is a pleasure to welcome a former NFL punter and current ESPN & WWE commentator whose charisma & liveliness infuses any program he’s part of with more of an energy boost than you’ll get from the entire Starbucks menu combined. Get up on your feet for the inimitable Pat McAfee!! And the nominees are:
The Thrill of Victory Award
Georgia’s National Title
In January the Georgia Bulldogs destroyed Alabama to claim their third National Championship. They’ll have an opportunity to add to the trophy case soon.
The Super Rams
On February 13, 2022 the Los Angeles Rams beat the Cincinnati Bengals to win their second Lombardi Trophy.
Golden St. Is Golden Again
After a couple of lean years the Warriors returned to the top of the mountain in 2022, defeating the Boston Celtics in six games to win their 7th NBA title and the fourth since 2015.
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. It is in its infancy & needs better television deals, but stalwarts like Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, & Dustin Johnson joined up, seduced by huge money & shorter tournaments with no cuts.
Kansas Wins The Madness
It was a Battle of Bluebloods when the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the North Carolina Tar Heels to win their fourth National Championship.
Novak Djokovic
Still one of the top tennis players in the world, Djokovic won at Wimbledon for the 4th consecutive year.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Los Angeles Rams. They couldn’t follow up this season, but on that February night in their home stadium the Rams rose to the occasion late in the 4th quarter. It was nice to see QB Matthew Stafford achieve success after a dismal decade+ in Detroit.
He’s just so damn entertaining that we asked Pat McAfee to stick around & hand out the next prize as well. It looks like he’s made himself comfortable. And the nominees are:
The Agony of Defeat Award
Big Ben’s Retirement
After 18 years as the quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers Ben Roethlisberger was gently pushed into retirement. His arm strength had noticeably diminished & his unique escapability had virtually disappeared with no help from a porous offensive line, but the disappointment of his last couple of seasons doesn’t detract from a memorable Hall of Fame career.
Antonio Brown
We’ve known for awhile that the former Steelers wide receiver is mentally unstable. After an acrimonious departure from Pittsburgh a few years ago Brown bounced around a bit before seeming to find a soft landing spot in Tampa. He even won a Super Bowl ring with the Buccaneers. However, that relationship crashed & burned late in the 2021 season, with our last image that of Brown taking off his jersey & leaving in the midst of a game. Since then he has engaged in sophomoric online shenanigans implying he’s been gettin’ busy with Tom Brady’s now ex-wife and been accused of domestic violence as well as improper conduct toward a woman in Dubai.
The Olympics
Another year, another Olympic Games no one cared about. This time it was in Beijing, China. I would literally rather sit in a dark room staring into space than watch the Winter Olympics in Communist China with no spectators in the stands because of a disease they created. Actually I probably did some of that while this was going on.
MLB Lockout
The start of the baseball season was delayed by a week thanks to yet another disagreement between owners & players. Two notable outcomes: universal DH & an expanded playoff format. Designated hitters became a thing for National League teams in 2022, which I hate. I always liked that there were differences between the American League & National League. Both leagues also added an extra wildcard team to the playoff bracket, which I didn’t mind.
Coach K’s Swan Song
In 4+ decades as the head basketball coach for the Duke Blue Devils Mike Krzyzewski won more than 1000 games, 15 ACC tournament titles, and 5 National Championships. His teams made the NCAA Tournament nearly every year & played in 13 Final Fours. Coach K also won three Olympic gold medals. He’d announced before the 2021-22 season that it would be his last, and the Blue Devils won 32 games. Unfortunately they lost Coach K.’s home finale to North Carolina, lost the ACC title game to Virginia Tech, and fell once again in the Final Four to the Tar Heels. I’m a sucker for storybook endings and was pulling for him to finish on top.
Phil Mickelson
All the sudden my man Phil has become the black sheep of golf. It started with his controversial defection to LIV Golf last spring, accompanied by disparaging comments about PGA leadership. Mickelson skipped The Masters & the PGA Championship. At age 52 & clearly past his prime I can’t be too hard on the guy for being seduced by the huge money & reduced schedule offered by LIV, but it may have cost him the legacy he’d built during a fantastic three decade+ career.
Brady’s Gone!! Nevermind, He’s Back 😖
Y’all know I despise Tom Brady. He’s like an evil serial killer in a slasher movie that won’t freakin’ die!! I thought our long nightmare was finally over when Brady announced his retirement back in February. Remember the Bible story about Jesus battling Satan in the desert for 40 days?? Imagine if Satan had won. That’s what it felt like when Brady ended his retirement after 40 days. Yes…he did that, and you can’t convince me it wasn’t on purpose. His decision proved costly, as he ended up divorced, but on the bright side (atleast for him) he’s led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the playoffs, and if the dude wins yet another damn Super Bowl I might just have to look into this soccer thing.
Washington Commanders
After years of pressure from the PC Police the Redskins nickname was finally scrapped a few years ago. After that they were awkwardly known as the Washington Football Team for a couple of seasons because apparently it’s harder to name a sports franchise than anyone realized, even though this change was on the cusp of happening for a long time. At any rate, the powers-that-be narrowed the field down to a few choices, including Armada, Brigade, and Defenders. Commanders is better than any of those, although I preferred Red Wolves.
Flores’ Lawsuit
Former Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores filed a lawsuit against the NFL in February alleging racial discrimination in hiring practices & that Dolphins’ ownership had asked him to tank games to get higher draft picks. To my knowledge the suit has not been resolved, but Flores landed with the Steelers as a defensive assistant (they should elevate him to defensive coordinator).
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. The problem?? It is funded by the rulers of Saudi Arabia, a country well known for human rights violations & other nefarious activities, in a transparent PR attempt to change the narrative. Think of Michael Corleone trying to make The Family legitimate by giving a bunch of money to The Vatican in The Godfather Part III. Same kind of thing, only without murder & mayhem (we hope).
Novak Djokovic
While it is true that Djokovic won Wimbledon for the fourth straight year, he was unfortunately prohibited from competing in the Australian Open & U.S. Open due to draconian & misguided Covid restrictions. He stood strong in his steadfast refusal to get “vaccinated”, a decision that cost him some money but perhaps saved his life.
and the Sammy goes to…..
LIV Golf. Is it a real threat to the PGA Tour?? I don’t think so. I am reminded of the original USFL, which briefly seemed like a solid alternative to the NFL. They too made a big splash by signing Heisman Trophy winners Hershel Walker, Doug Flutie, and Mike Rozier, as well as QBs Jim Kelly & Steve Young. But the USFL made some missteps & only lasted a few seasons. LIV has wooed enough PGA stalwarts to grab our attention, and there’s certainly enough cash behind the effort. However, I’ll be surprised if the whole thing is anything more than a memory five years from now.
To present our next award we are pleased to welcome one of the most underrated actors of his generation. He has appeared in blockbuster films like Ghostbusters, Crocodile Dundee, and Turner & Hooch, and is a beloved holiday icon who played a pivotal part in saving hundreds of lives on Christmas Eve in Die Hard. He then went on to star in one of the most cherished sitcoms of the 1990’s, Family Matters, a show that might’ve only lasted a month instead of airing for nine breathtakingly hilarious seasons if not for his star power & skills as an actor. It is indeed an honor to welcome Reginald VelJohnson to present a very special tribute.
Duffer-Herrell Lifetime Achievement Award
Bruce Willis
Moonlighting.
The Christmas classic Die Hard (and it’s plethora of sequels).
Look Who’s Talking.
StrikingDistance.
Armageddon.
TheWhole Nine Yards.
Those episodes of Friends when he ended up dating Rachel.
That album he put out in the late 80s.
Bruce Willis has done a little bit of everything in his amazing career spanning more than four decades. Sadly that journey seems to be over, as it was announced back in March that he is retiring due to aphasia, which is an inability to comprehend or formulate language because of damage to specific brain regions. Willis is 67 years old, which in the 21st century means we thought we had many more years to enjoy new performances. I had even read rumors of one final Die Hard, which would’ve been great, especially if it was a good movie on the same level as the first three. Sadly that won’t be happening. Of course in the grand scheme of things that’s not really important. Bruce Willis is still alive, and that’s what matters to his loved ones. For the rest of us we’ll always have his body of work. Is he the greatest actor that ever graced the big screen?? No, but who cares?? Years from now our grandchildren will be telling their grandchildren about a decent actor who made a memorable impression and entertained millions. Each December, along with George Bailey, Ebenezer Scrooge, Ralphie Parker, and The Whos down in Whoville, Detective John McClane will continue to be a key player in Christmas celebrations everywhere. That’s a damn fine legacy, and for that The Sammys are proud to recognize the contributions of Bruce Willis to popular culture.
This seems like a good place to pause. Please stay tuned for Part 2 of the 2022 Sammy Awards.
The Manofesto 