Author: sammano

Paterno & Penn St.: Punishment, Penance, and Perspective

Most sports related scandals are like a geyser…they bubble up, spout forth for a brief moment, and then return to a state of dormancy within a brief period of time so the next big story can take its place at the top of the hierarchy for the talking heads on ESPN and talk radio to chew on ‘til it is deader than Pauley Shore’s career. But the events that have plagued Pennsylvania State University not only have continued to boil vociferously for nearly a year, but they have been simmering for more years than anyone really knew…except for those in charge in “Happy” Valley, which of course has been a huge part of the problem.

 

The NCAA has finally…and predictably…put in their two cents and lowered the proverbial boom. I have mixed feelings about the suits using the results of Penn St.’s own commissioned investigation against them instead of doing an independent inquiry, but I suppose it does make things more efficient and expedite the process. It isn’t as if a new report by a different panel would find anything all that different anyway.

 

First of all, I have no problem with the NCAA getting involved and handing out a punishment. While the scandal doesn’t have anything directly to do with on-the-field issues or even any kind of academic situation, the “cover-up” of proliferate child sexual abuse can be directly attributed to the desire of Coach Paterno and others to save the reputation & high standing of the university and the football program. Joe Paterno wasn’t the first football coach to attain far too much power and achieve god-like status in his gridiron fiefdom, and he won’t be the last. As much as I love sports even I must admit that collegiate athletics has, in many places, achieved such mythological, epic, grandiose heights of popularity & prestige that fans, players, media, and coaches are put on pedestals that rise to the heavens and cause a complete loss of perspective. That is exactly what happened at Penn St. Football became more important than the rule of law and the well-being of young boys who were being molested by a sick monster. An effort to keep things “in house” and not pursue proper avenues of justice enabled a perverted pedophile to continue his debauchery for an additional decade. Nothing can be done to erase what happened to those boys and the legal system has done its part in punishing Jerry Sandusky…all that remained was for Penn St. to answer for their sins, to have proper perspective be restored by any means necessary. It is true that those who actually committed the crimes and perpetuated the conspiracy of silence are long gone and that it seems a tad bit unfair that coaches, players, and administrators who had nothing to do with any of the wrongdoing are now going to suffer the consequences, but it had to be done. A message had to be sent. The NCAA had to make it clear that, as much as many of us enjoy those autumn Saturday afternoons…the roar of the crowd, the sweet music of the marching bands, the thrill of winning a rivalry game, the chase for a conference title, bowl bid, or even a national championship…there are more important things in life. Football is magnificent. College football is sublime. But God, family, the law…they must come first. If Penn St. and its fans have to wander through the desert of mediocrity and lose their status & reputation as one of football’s elite powerhouses for a while in order to regain proper perspective then that seems like the least they could do considering what their culture of pigskin profligacy cost others.

 

As far as the punishment goes…there’s no way around the fact that it is harsh, but frankly I was expecting worse.

 

There is a $60 million fine that will go toward programs benefiting victims of sexual abuse. At first glance that number seems outrageous. $60 million is more than you, me, and the 500 people on our Facebook “friends” list will see combined in our lifetimes (unless there are super wealthy folks reading The Manofesto, which if true…well…call me!!). However, it is the equivalent to ONE year of revenue for the football program. Stop for a moment and ponder that…just let it sink in and wrap itself around your brain. That is amazing. Now granted, whether you are dependent upon government social programs & are lucky to be able to afford ramen noodles & peanut butter, have a decent middle class income that affords you such luxuries as satellite TV and an annual trip to the beach, or are lounging on your yacht as your trust fund grows, the fact is that having a whole year of income taken away would sting a bit…but for Penn St. it shouldn’t have too big of an impact. They can survive.

 

I am not a big fan of vacating wins. It seems silly. Those games have been played and we all know who won. One cannot change the past. But the traditions of sport include record keeping and those records hold a lot of meaning for many people, so while I think that it is trivial that Penn St. has to vacate all games played between 1998 and 2011 I am fully cognizant of the fact that it is a big deal to others. What it specifically means is that Joe Paterno is no longer the winningest coach in the history of college football and has now fallen to an inconsequential 8th on that list. I guess it kind of stinks to pile on a guy that is dead, but hey…that dead guy should have stepped up and done the right thing when he was alive. Interesting trivia: a fantasy football buddy of mine pointed out that Penn St. and Ohio St. (which has had some issues of their own) played a game in 2010 that both have now vacated, so according to the record books it never happened. I bet the 100k people that were there that day might disagree.

 

A bigger impact will be felt by the on-the-field restrictions imposed by the NCAA and The Big 10 (they are still calling themselves that??). Penn St. is prohibited from competing for the conference title or playing in a bowl game for 4 years. They also lost a significant number of scholarships. NCAA rules allow a football team to have a total of 85 scholarships. Teams can offer up to 25 scholarships annually as long as the total number does not exceed 85. Penn St., for the next four years, cannot have more than 65 total scholarships each season and cannot offer more than 15 scholarships annually. That is huge. It will cripple the program for atleast a decade. The numbers combined with the lack of postseason and the now toxic (to say the least) reputation of the school means that instead of recruiting highly touted, extremely talented & athletic, elite 5 star football players the Penn St. Nittany Lions will be fielding teams populated with players that no one else wanted and might otherwise have been playing in front of 10k people at a Division III school. Penn St. will lose games…lots of them. They will not be on television. One can anticipate that instead of an electric atmosphere of 106,000 people at Beaver Stadium (the 4th largest stadium in the world…and two of the other three are soccer stadiums) the folks in State College, PA could lose interest and we might see only 50 or 60 thousand in the stands. Ancillary businesses…restaurants, hotels, retail outlets…will suffer. The NCAA may not have given Penn St. the dreaded “death penalty” (which in reality is simply a one year hiatus), but the punishment they did mete out is, for all intents & purposes, a far worse fate.

 

One of the things that defenders of Paterno have consistently pointed out over the course of the past several months is how much he contributed…financially and otherwise…to the school and the town for many many years. That is all true and should not be completely marginalized. However, his (and others) actions…or lack thereof…in regard to the heinous crimes of Jerry Sandusky are now having a destructive effect on the school and the town. The decision to protect the status of the program has instead almost extinguished its flame. What a sad yet well-deserved irony. Perspective has indeed been restored at Penn St., and I suspect the people there will never again think so highly of themselves and their precious football team. I wonder what Coach Paterno would think about that??

 

 

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Winning & Musing…..Volume 8.12

Mid-summer provides us with another lull in the sports calendar, with baseball’s annual All Star break insuring that there is virtually no action except soccer for a couple of days, and really who give a rat’s petoot about soccer?? Oh…it’s the most popular sport in the world?? Well this is America, and WE couldn’t possibly care less about soccer. So THERE rest of the world…take THAT!!

 

 

 

Back in November of last year, shortly after Penn St. head football coach Joe Paterno was fired but before his death, I wrote that “in due time I am sure society will find a balance between the success Joe Paterno had & the good things he did versus the mistakes he made & the negative way his legacy has been permanently tarnished”. It looks like finding that balance might take a lot longer than I thought. Since I expressed that opinion a few things have happened. Paterno died. Serial pedophile Jerry Sandusky was convicted and will be behind bars for the rest of his life. And now an inquiry commissioned by the university to find out where it all went so wrong has published their findings. Despite the dramatic parsing of the report by the sports media, the conclusion that the top brass at Penn St…the university president, the athletic director, Paterno, and a few others…participated in a “callous and shocking” cover-up and “failed to protect against a child sexual predator harming children for over a decade” is hardly a new revelation. We’ve known that for months now. There is a stubborn unwillingness of some people to wrap their heads around the idea that Paterno…who most thought was such a stand-up guy…would exhibit such a heinous disregard for the safety of children (not to mention the neglect of upholding the law) in favor of protecting the reputation of the school & the football team. I understand that reluctance. However, the facts are the facts, and now they have been uncovered. It is what it is. Paterno’s reputation and legacy are down the toilet and will never recover. It’s time to move forward. Overanalyzing this story on TV and in other media over & over cannot change what happened. I suspect dredging it all up repeatedly just causes further pain to the victims and it does nothing to help those left to clean up the mess get on with their jobs.

 

 

Was anyone shocked that Commandant Fidel Goodell refused to overturn his own decision on the suspensions of New Orleans Saints players allegedly involved in the bounty scandal?? I am not defending the players involved, but the disciplinary process in the NFL…where Goodell reigns supreme and there is no system of checks & balances…seems flawed at best. It is mind boggling that the Players Association agreed to the new collective bargaining agreement last summer without addressing this issue.

 

 

My Pittsburgh Pirates were once again in 1st place at the All Star break, just like last year. I just hope they don’t fold like a cheap suit like they did in 2011. There seems to be an ardent belief amongst those paid to know about these sorts of things that there will not be another collapse, that this team is legit and will be in the fight for the long haul. We’ll see. Two decades of futility have taught this fan to proceed with caution.

 

 

So I guess we have another Olympics starting soon. I do like the summer Olympics a lot better than the winter version. I look forward to watching good quality basketball, and I am comfortable enough with my machismo to admit that I kind of like the gymnastics. Some of the track & field stuff is cool too, and of course the opening & closing ceremonies are usually grand spectacles well worth watching.

 

 

I’ve grown weary of the Dwight Howard drama, as well as the hand wringing over Drew Brees’ contract. This is the kind of crap that sports fans weren’t bothered with 30 years ago. Just play the damn games and entertain us.

 

 

It was odd turning on the MLB All Star Game and seeing Erin Andrews reporting for Fox. I don’t know what the heck is going on in Bristol, but in the past few months ESPN has lost hotties Andrews and Michelle Beadle while hiring guys named Prim Siripipat, Adnan Virk, Dari Nowkhah, and Anish Shroff. I suppose it matters not, as long as we sports fans have our hunger fed. But come on ESPN…replenish the eye candy supply!!

 

 

Speaking of the All Star Game…

It looks like baseball is in the midst of a transition. Guys like Chipper Jones, Derek Jeter, and David Ortiz are on their way out, while youngsters like Bryce Harper, Mike Trout, Andrew McCutchen, Stephen Strasburg, Arnoldis Chapman, and Starlin Castro are making a fast impact. That’s good for the game and a positive for the fans. The product needs freshened up every once in a while.

 

 

Let me get this straight…the Washington Nationals are in 1st place in the NL East while the Philadelphia Phillies are in last?? Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

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50 Favorite TV Shows…..20-11

Please be sure to catch up on the previous entries in this series here, here, here, and here. I will be taking a brief intermission from this series before we get to the highly anticipated (I hope) Top 10. God has laid it on my heart that it is time to get back to writing about some more meaningful things. Please be sure to read those when they are finished, and we will get back to the exciting conclusion of this adventure eventually.

 

 

 

20     M*A*S*H

          CBS 1972-83

I hated MASH as a kid. First of all I was way too young to “get it”. To me it was just another “war story” that my Dad watched that bored the crap out of me. Secondly, as I recall, it came on at 9pm on Monday night…the same time as Monday Night Football. I always had a bedtime (which I loathed since I’m a night owl but am now thankful for because left to my own devices I would have stayed up til 3am every night and probably flunked out of school), and I wanted to spend my last 30-60 minutes of “freedom” watching the ball game. Unfortunately my father was King of the Castle (something which I now truly understand) and he wanted to watch MASH…hence my animosity. However, a strange thing occurred in my adult years. I began to watch reruns of MASH and realized what a remarkably well written, well performed show it had been. This may have been the genesis of my affection for the dramedy genre, because sometimes one has to laugh to keep from crying.

 

 

19     Taxi

          ABC 1978-83

I called WKRP in Cincinnati one of the most underrated sitcoms ever, and here we have a similar situation…yet another workplace comedy that didn’t last as long as it should have and has never gotten the love it deserves from the masses. Set in a NY City cab company, the casting director gave us such luminaries as Danny Devito, Tony Danza, Judd Hirsch, Christopher Lloyd (who would star as Doc Brown in the Back to the Future trilogy a few years later), and Andy Kaufman. I think that is why Taxi outranks WKRP…its stars went on to become even bigger stars. Devito’s Louie DePalma was your typical smarmy, immoral, narcissistic boss character, but Devito played it for laughs…lots of them…instead of making the audience hate him. My father LOVED Louie, and my father isn’t easily entertained. Personally I was as amused by Lloyd’s Rev. Jim Ignatowski, a former Harvard student turned hilariously burned out reminder of the drug infested 60’s. Every sitcom writer ought to study Taxi like a science experiment and learn how to create memorable characters and a funny show.

 

 

18     Later with Bob Costas

          NBC 1988-94

I ranked The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 25th on this list, and coming in just a few spots higher is a show with the same general vibe…two people sitting down to have a meaningful tete-a-tete for an hour…no band, no comedy, no sidekicks, no live audience. I think Bob Costas may be one of the smartest people on television, and what makes him so cool is that he seems blissfully unaware of that fact, unlike smug windbags like Oprah, Bill Maher, Dr. Phil, Bryant Gumbel, Matt Lauer, ESPN’s Skip Bayless, or just about any successful movie star of the past 20 years (really George Clooney & Brad Pitt…we don’t care what your opinions are on sociopolitical issues). I also like the fact that Costas has always pretty much stuck with his first love…sports. Could he do weightier, supposedly more important things?? Sure. He is probably the most talented person to walk the halls of NBC in my lifetime. But he enjoys doing sports and doesn’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. However, the one time he did step beyond his usual boundaries was this show, and it’s a crying shame it didn’t last very long. I read somewhere that Costas himself stepped away because he & his family lived in St. Louis and the show taped in New York, which became too much of a grind. If I would have been in charge I would have moved the damn show to St. Louis. In what rule book does it say that every movie & TV show has to be produced in New York or Los Angeles?? At any rate after Costas’ departure Later went thru a plethora of hosts, including Greg Kinnear, MTV’s Cynthia Garrett, & comedienne Rita Sever, and even “presented” old reruns of SCTV (Canada’s answer to Saturday Night Live), before ultimately being repackaged as Last Call, hosted by former MTV tool Carson Daly. Not that it matters to me, because after the departure of Bob Costas I stopped watching.

 

 

17     The West Wing

          NBC 1999-2006

I really didn’t want to like this show. The writers, producers, and practically the entire cast were complicit in presenting an obviously liberal spin on political issues, but I’ll be darned if it wasn’t amongst the best written, best acted, best directed dramas in my lifetime. I have no idea if what was portrayed on screen was in any way an accurate representation of how the real White House works, but I must say that, regardless of party affiliation or philosophy, if the American people were ever fortunate enough to be able to vote for a guy like Jed Bartlet we could do much much worse. Unfortunately I don’t believe for one second that real politicians…especially liberals…are as honest, honorable, compassionate, and intellectually sincere as those portrayed on The West Wing. Writer/producer Aaron Sorkin…leftist though he may be…is a terrific scribe and I enjoy almost anything with which he is involved. The performers on this show were sublime…folks like Richard Schiff, Allison Janney, John Spencer, Joshua Malina, and Bradley Whitford. Martin Sheen was already a proven commodity and The West Wing was just the cherry on top of a memorable career, but the majority of the rest of the cast were little known character actors who probably plateaued with this show. Even former Brat Packer Rob Lowe was made to look like a credible actor, either due to the company he was in the midst of or because of Sorkin’s deft skill. In my humble opinion this show…this concept…is tailor made for an eventual revival. Would Sorkin return?? Would the idea work with a whole new cast?? I don’t know, but it is an interesting idea to ponder.

 

 

16     Late Night with David Letterman

          NBC 1982-93

David Letterman circa 2012 is a bitter old man who doesn’t even try to hide his extreme left political bias. It is my opinion that the events of September 11, 2001 combined with a month long hiatus due to heart surgery in early 2000 changed the Letterman we’d all known and loved for two decades. I rarely watch these days because I just don’t find him funny anymore. However, before 9/11, before his heart problems, and even before his move to CBS & the 11:30pm time slot in 1993 Letterman spent a glorious decade at NBC in the 12:30am period immediately following Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show, and he was absolutely brilliant. Late Night in the 80’s was quirky, bold, sardonic, original, irreverent, unpredictable, odd…and most of all very very funny. Every effort was made to be different from Carson and attract a younger, hipper demographic. Letterman utilized his actual staff…bandleader Paul Shaffer, stage manager Biff Henderson, producer Robert Morton, director Hal Gurnee, and a host of others…in comedy bits unlike anything that had been done on late night television. Current staples like the nightly Top Ten list, Stupid Pet Tricks, and Viewer Mail were fresh back in the 80’s. Letterman made a star out of little known actor Calvert Deforest (aka Larry “Bud” Melman), dropped things off buildings, wore crazy Velcro suits, crushed things with a steamroller, introduced the world to his mother Dorothy, had frequent (and amusing) phone conversations with paper pusher Meg at Simon & Schuster, and mercilessly berated his bosses at NBC & General Electric. It was all quite silly, but hey…silly is exactly what most people enjoy at 1 o’clock in the morning.

 

 

15     Star Trek:The Next Generation

          Syndicated 1987-94

I have to give a shout out to my friend The Owl for turning me into a Trekkie. Before college I had a passing familiarity with Star Trek, but hadn’t really paid all that much attention. 20+ years later I love almost all the films and dig the original series. However, my initial affection started right here, with Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Lieutenant Commander Data, Commander Riker, Dr. Beverly Crusher, Lieutenant Worf (a Klingon!!), chief engineer Geordi LaForge, and Counselor Troi. This show is more character driven and explores more interpersonal relationships than the original, yet it still has its share of ass kickin’ action. Alot of plot points seem to involve a bit of sociopolitical commentary, but it is rarely preachy or trite. My preference for TNG over TOS (if you don’t get the acronyms then you obviously aren’t a Trekkie) is simply due to TNG being something I watched while it was actually on television instead of watching two decades after it was over like TOS. The series finale “All Good Things”, originally aired on May 23, 1994, remains one of the finest TV episodes I have ever seen. Indeed, the trial never ends. See you…out there.

 

 

14     Night Court

          NBC 1984-92

I have been in a courtroom exactly twice in my life, both times in a supportive role for friends who were facing legal battles. But it only took those two occasions to solidify my notion that a real court isn’t nearly as interesting as the stuff we see on TV or in movies. Usually what we see are dramatic situations in shows like L.A. Law, Perry Mason, and Law & Order, or films like To Kill A Mockingbird, 12 Angry Men, A Time to Kill, and Presumed Innocent. But in the 80’s NBC decided to give us a courtroom comedy, and oh what fun it was. Set during New York City’s night shift, the presumption was that most cases at that hour are of the eccentric, offbeat, absurd variety. That premise combined with the court’s quirky cast of employees made for a unique & memorable (if not necessarily accurate) take on America’s legal system.

 

 

13     Happy Days

          ABC 1974-84

Happy Days is the TV equivalent of the movie Grease…a story about high schoolers created in the 70’s, set in the 50’s. I am a sucker for that kind of thing. Creator Garry Marshall also gave us notable shows Laverne & Shirley and Mork & Mindy (both spin-offs of Happy Days), as well as The Odd Couple. He would direct the Julia Roberts hit film Pretty Woman in 1990, and a host of other less celebrated movies. However Happy Days remains his most endearing legacy. In many ways it was your typical family sitcom, but the characters were so unique and, with one notable exception, very relatable & real. I loved the fact that it was set in Milwaukee instead of New York, L.A., or Chicago. Ron Howard, who had been a child star on The Andy Griffith Show and went on to become a big time movie director, embodied the classic awkward, insecure teenager yearning to be cool alongside his best buddies Ralph & Potsie (one of the all-time great sitcom nicknames). Ritchie’s parents…hardware store owner Howard and homemaker Marion…were the kind of parents every kid dreams of having. And of course eventually the real star of the show became a bike riding, leather jacket wearing, finger snapping ladies’ man named Fonzie, who wasn’t necessarily realistic (trust me…I’ve tried slapping a jukebox…fetching young ladies did not emerge from nowhere), but was such a well written, well performed character that it didn’t really matter. Sitcoms like Happy Days simply aren’t made in the cynical, vulgar, envelope pushing 21st century, and we’re all worse off because of that fact.

 

 

12     Friends

          NBC 1994-2004

Timing is everything, and this show about a group of young adults trying to make their way in the world came along just as I was a young adult dealing with many of the same issues. Unfortunately for me my close pals from college spread out across the country…Texas, Ohio, the Carolinas, etc.…so I wasn’t able to live across the hall from them or gather on a daily basis in the neighborhood coffee shop. Looking back I suppose Friends allowed me the chance to live vicariously and envision just how awesome it’d be to have the opportunity to hang out with my chums. Plus the characters had really cool jobs and lived in a kickass loft that I would never be able to afford. I most closely identified with Ross, the lovelorn, neurotic, socially awkward nerd, whose unrequited love for the beautiful Rachel eventually blossomed into an on-again off-again relationship that was the centerpiece of the show for much of its run. Friends probably lasted a year or two too long, but one cannot blame the suits for keeping their cash cow alive. Hindsight is always 20/20, and what one recognizes all these years later is that Friends was actually a very well written program, a skillful mix of old school sitcom with an edgier 90’s sensibility.

 

 

11     The Dukes of Hazzard

          CBS 1979-85

Corny?? Yes. Wholesome?? Sure. Entertaining?? You bet. And what exactly is wrong with any of that?? I may have mentioned previously that my friend The Owl contends that much of entertainment today embodies “the spirit of the age”…dark, profane, violent, and proudly sacrilegious. Dukes of Hazzard may not have been highbrow, culturally refined, or intellectually enriching in any way, but it was good clean fun that promoted family values, good triumphing over evil (if you can go so far as to call Boss Hogg & Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane evil), and a general sense of morality & friendship. That’s more than one can say about 99% of the crap currently on TV. I have fond memories of happily sitting in front of the television at 8pm every Friday night for several years loving every minute of the adventures of The Duke Boys, their wise old Uncle Jessie, and their exquisite cousin Daisy. Sure there were car chases and stuff got blown up, but unlike the vacuous special effects productions so prevalent these days there was also a storyline. It wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but it was cool enough to put a smile on the faces of young boys nationwide, and I think that’s a pretty decent legacy.

 

 

 

 

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50 Favorite TV Shows…..30-21

So, I’ve been thinking…

30 years from now another writer is going to do a list like this. If, like me, they are heavily influenced by the types of programming they grew up with, what will that list look like?? Will someone actually heap praise on crap like Family Guy, America’s Next Top Model, Wife Swap, or Glee?? I am well aware that there have been what most people would consider pretty decent shows produced in the past 10 or 15 years…stuff like Lost, 30 Rock, and The Sopranos…that for one reason or another simply never frosted my cupcake. But I maintain that the majority of what we see on television (and in movies for that matter) now isn’t nearly as good as what I grew up watching. Your mileage may vary. Anyway…on with the countdown!!

 

 

30     Wings

          NBC 1990-97

In the 90’s it seemed like NBC could do no wrong. They’d invented the idea of “Must See TV” in the 80’s and successfully made viewers buy into the concept for well over a decade. It didn’t hurt that the suits at 30 Rockefeller Plaza churned out a string of sitcoms ranging from exceptionally sublime to pretty darn good to better than average. I suppose there were a few clunkers in the mix (The Single Guy, Veronica’s Closet, Suddenly Susan, Just Shoot Me), but they were few & far between. One show that fell somewhere in the pretty good/above average area on the scale was this little tale of two brothers running a small independent airline on the Massachusetts island of Nantucket (you know…where that girl comes from). Wings was created by the same folks who brought us Cheers and Frasier (both of which will appear much higher in this countdown), so the elite pedigree is undeniable and the vibe was familiar. NBC kept moving its night & time slot throughout its 7 year run, so much like NewsRadio I think this is a show that never quite reached its full potential.

 

 

29     Entourage

          HBO 2004-11

Although I am fortunate to have made some good friendships in college that I maintain to this day, I don’t have any lifelong buddies that I’ve known since childhood, which are the types of relationships intertwined thru Entourage. The kicker is that one of the guys is a big time movie star who has transplanted his posse from Queens, NY to Hollywood. The language is a bit salty and these guys are clearly in a state of arrested development, but I guess young, rich, famous, good looking people can roll like that. There were some really well done cameos in Entourage’s 7 year run (Bob Saget, Mandy Moore, Gary Busey, and Mark Cuban immediately spring to mind), but the absolute best part of the show was manic, self-centered, foul-mouthed, politically incorrect uber agent Ari Gold. HBO is able to do its television seasons a bit different from the normal September-May/30 episodes thing that the broadcast networks have done for decades. Entourage usually aired in the summer for a dozen or so episodes, which atleast gave viewers something to look forward to apart from the reruns so prevalent on other channels. I just wish it was going to be on for a few more years…I wasn’t tired of it yet.

 

 

28     The Wonder Years

          ABC 1988-93

I’m a sucker for the whole wistful, nostalgic zeitgeist, and few TV shows have ever captured that as well as The Wonder Years. Narrated by the vastly underrated Daniel Stern (Home Alone, City Slickers), the show follows the teenage angst of young Kevin Arnold as he deals with his family, friends, and puppy love for the fetching Winnie Cooper in the late 60’s & early 70’s. The show not only represents an era well, but nails small town life, family dynamics, and the growing pains of a boy evolving into a young man…sometimes fun, sometimes sad, complex yet quaint.

 

 

27     Star Trek

          NBC 1966-69

Full disclosure: not only was I not yet born during the original Trek’s run, but I didn’t really become a Trekkie until college and that was mainly influenced by the film series and Star Trek: The Next Generation. However, it is my belief that love of the entire Trek universe must encompass a respectful appreciation of the series that birthed all that followed. The idea was spawned from the creative genius of Gene Roddenberry, a former pilot & LAPD cop turned writer who envisioned Star Trek as a spaghetti western set in space. Nearly 50 years later millions of people still fondly recall the adventures of Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy”, the half human/half Vulcan Spock, and the rest of the crew of the starship Enterprise, as well as the various alien races they battled like the Klingons & Romulans. It blows my mind that the show only lasted three seasons.

 

 

26     Jeopardy!

          Syndicated 1984-Present

My Grandma Pigott was a big fan of game shows. The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, Password, Press Your Luck, Family Feud, Tic-Tac-Dough, Card Sharks, The $10,000 Pyramid, Hollywood Squares, Match Game…I could go on. Has there ever been a cooler name on television than Wink Martindale?? In my opinion the best game show in history is Jeopardy. I’m a huge trivia buff, and I think it’s awesome when one can chill out watching TV for a half hour and still learn a few things. Too many things have contributed to the dumbing down of America, but I’m happy to say this show isn’t among them.

 

 

25     The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder

          CBS 1995-99

I’m a big fan of late night TV, partly because I’m a night owl and partly because I can vaguely recall a time when television stations actually ended their broadcast day at some point (usually with The Star Spangled Banner) and am still enamored with the fact that they don’t do that anymore. I am easily entertained. At any rate, most late night shows follow your typical funny host with a sidekick, live audience, & house band/monologue/comedy bit/interview with a celebrity guest plugging their latest project/end the show with a musical act formula, and that’s okay. However, I am a minimalist who finds it fascinating when two people can sit down and have a lengthy & interesting conversation. We don’t do enough of that in our real lives anymore, and we rarely see it on television. Tom Snyder hosted a late night show called Tomorrow on NBC in the 70’s when I was far too young to stay up that late. That show was cancelled in 1982 to make way for a new guy named David Letterman. A little more than a decade later Letterman restored balance to the universe by bringing Snyder back to host the 12:30am show immediately following his own. Snyder was such a unique host, with his hearty laugh, easygoing manner, and an ability to connect with the audience and his guests. Plus, even though he wasn’t a comedian like Leno or Letterman, he was hilarious. Who could ever forget his nightly appeal to “sit back & relax, fire up a colortini, and watch the moving pictures as they fly through the air”?? I don’t know whose idea it was to replace Tom Snyder with the sardonic Craig Kilborn in 1999, but I hope there is an especially warm place in Hell reserved for those responsible.

 

 

24     Growing Pains

          ABC 1985-92

Speaking of growing pains…whereas The Wonder Years took a distinctive, sentimental approach, this 80’s staple utilized the old fashioned, paint-by-numbers typical sitcom method, which was perfectly fine. It served as a launching pad for the career of Leonardo DiCaprio, and to a lesser degree Kirk Cameron. I say that because, even though Cameron was the centerpiece of the show throughout its run and DiCaprio was only on for 1 year, I think we can all agree that Leo’s superstar trajectory has reached a wee bit higher than Cameron’s (although to be fair Kirk Cameron has dedicated his life to serving our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, which in the long run is more significant than being a movie star, even if one of those movies is Titanic).

 

 

23     Little House on the Prairie

          NBC 1974-83

I think this may have been the very first television show I ever loved. Based on the series of childrens’ books by author Laura Ingalls Wilder published in the 1930’s, it is a family drama set in the small town of Walnut Grove, Minnesota during the latter half of the 19th century. Surprisingly I’ve never read the books.

 

 

 

22     Who’s the Boss?

          ABC 1984-92

Hey-oh, oh-ay!! The story of a widowed single father from Brooklyn moving to Connecticut to provide a better life for his young daughter. The catch?? He has to take a job as a live-in housekeeper for a snobbish single mother and her young son.  Hilarity ensued. Much like Growing Pains this show didn’t color outside the lines of sitcom convention, but it did what it did quite well. I’ve always enjoyed Tony Danza’s relatable charm, and Alyssa Milano was amongst my first celebrity crushes.

 

 

 

21     WKRP in Cincinnati

          ABC 1978-82

I really feel like this is one of the most heinously underappreciated sitcoms in television history. Heck, I even feel like I am underrating it!! I suppose the latter statement is due to the fact that it went off the air when I was 10 years old. Fortunately for me it became a much bigger ratings hit in syndication during the 80’s than it was in its original run. Workplace comedies with a bunch of quirky misfits aren’t exactly rare…they are a tried & true TV tradition (Barney Miller, Taxi, The Office, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Murphy Brown,  and so on…). However, when the workplace is a radio station and it is being produced at a time when some of the best rock n’ roll ever made is on the air then that is a winning combination. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with super cool DJ’s Dr. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap?? Or have a lovably clueless boss like Mr. Carlson and an understanding supervisor like Andy Travis?? And who wouldn’t absolutely love to see a gorgeous receptionist like Jennifer (Loni Anderson) as soon as you walk thru the door every day?? Sadly I have felt varying degrees of malice toward every place I’ve ever worked and have not found a job environment nearly as awesome as those we see on TV. I would be remiss if I did not mention and highly recommend an episode called “Turkeys Away”, originally aired on 10/30/78, in which Mr. Carlson comes up with “the greatest Thanksgiving promotion in radio history”. It can be found online if you look hard enough and it is well worth the effort.

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50 Favorite TV Shows…..40-31

As we continue the countdown a few random thoughts jump to mind. I understand the deal with reality shows…they are much cheaper to produce than a sitcom or hour long drama. But how ticked off must a lot of struggling actors…who work hard to hone their craft and juggle multiple minimum wage jobs just to pay the rent…be to see an idiot like Kim Kardashian or some clueless himbo from The Bachelor become famous just because they’ve successfully whored themselves out?? That being said, I do like some of the reality/documentary shows on The History Channel…stuff like American Pickers, Pawn Stars, and American Restoration. Atleast those shows offer some educational value alongside the entertainment. More random thoughts at another time. Until then…we ride!!

 

 

 

 

 

40     The Beverly Hillbillies

          CBS 1962-71

Here we go with another great theme song!! It’s a shame TV shows no longer have memorable theme songs. Most of them don’t even have one at all because bean counters figured out that was another 30 seconds that could be used for commercials. At any rate, this is one more fish-out-of-water tale about a family from the south who strike oil and for some reason feel compelled to move to California. Cultures clash, hilarity ensues. I have no statistics for verification, but this has to be one of the most rerun shows in television history. It was cancelled a year before I was born but was on all the time when I was a kid and can still be seen occasionally even today.

 

 

39     7th Heaven

          WB/CW 1996-2007

The CW (formerly the WB) has never quite risen to the level of the original three networks or even Fox, but it did produce this one good show, which actually holds the record for the longest running family drama ever, beating out both Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons. It followed the trials & tribulations of a minister, his wife, and their brood of seven children. Be fruitful & multiply indeed. Storylines didn’t shy away from serious topics like drug & alcohol abuse, racism, teen pregnancy, etc., but overall the show had an easygoing, breezy tone with likeable characters. The powers-that-be went for a general moral vibe rather than an overtly Christian message, which is about as far as the entertainment industry is willing to go nowadays.

 

 

38     Pardon the Interruption/Mike & Mike in the Morning

          ESPN 2001&2004-Present

As I’ve gotten older my tastes have naturally evolved, but television has also changed considerably. I just can’t get into all this reality stuff that’s on nowadays. My own life has enough reality, and I always thought the point of watching television was to escape reality. Anyway, one “real” thing I enjoy immensely is my sports. On autumn weekends you’ll find me glued to the 40 inch hi-def flat screen watching as much football as humanly possible. I like watching Nascar on Sundays, keep up with my Pittsburgh Pirates baseball, and follow the NBA and college basketball. ESPN provides a plethora of programming that examines, reviews, debates, and converses about the sports news du jour. Two of my favorites are Mike & Mike and PTI.

 

 

37     Remember WENN               

          AMC 1996-98

There seems to be a lot of buzz about American Movie Classics’ drama Mad Men these days. I must confess that I have never seen that particular show, but I was a big fan of AMC’s first foray into original programming about 15 years ago. The title is a play on words involving the call letters of the fictional Pittsburgh radio station depicted. Set during the early 1940’s before TV was the standard and radio was the most influential form of entertainment, it follows the personal & professional interaction between the talent & management that work at the station…sometimes funny, sometimes melodramatic. Remember WENN didn’t last long, but it made a memorable impression on its fans.

 

 

36     Beavis & Butt-head              

          MTV 1993-97

Take a group of college frat boys, add some beer or other intoxicants, and then throw in a cartoon about two dim-witted teenagers who sit around making fun of music videos. That’s a recipe for aheck of a fun time.

 

 

 

 

35     General Hospital/Days of Our Lives

          ABC/NBC 1963&1965-Present

My sister & I had a babysitter when we were in grade school that got us hooked on these two soap operas during the summer. I think there is a comfort factor with soaps…they are on the air every weekday – year round – for multiple decades, many characters never leave, and one can miss several days or even weeks and easily keep up with the general plot. We literally watch some characters grow up, get married, have kids, and die. Sometimes they have multiple marriages and deaths. It’s all quite kitschy & fun as long as one doesn’t take it too seriously. Many big time stars got their start in soaps…folks like Meg Ryan, Demi Moore, David Hasselhoff, Kevin Bacon, Marisa Tomei, Alec Baldwin, Sarah Michelle Gellar,  Robin Wright,  Ryan Phillipe, Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon, Julianne Moore, James Earl Jones, and Eva Longoria…just to name a few.

 

 

 

34     The Facts of Life

          NBC 1979-88

A spin off of Diff’rent Strokes, this show saw a former housekeeper take on the job of housemother to a group of young girls at an exclusive New York boarding school. Fun fact (pun unavoidable): after the first season the original group of girls was pared down considerably so that the focus could be on just 4 main characters (Blair, Jo, Natalie, & Tootie). Among those cut from the cast?? Molly Ringwald. Fortunately things turned out okay for her. Another fun fact: in 1985 there was a recurring handyman character. Who played the handyman?? George Clooney. He’s still doing just fine too.

 

 

33     Diff’rent Strokes

          NBC 1978-86

The premise: two orphaned black boys from Harlem are adopted by a wealthy white widower who lives in a penthouse on Park Avenue. It was a pretty unique concept 30 years ago. Unfortunately today Diff’rent Strokes is known for the later misfortunes of its three child actors. The breakout star, Gary Coleman, who was 10 when cast in the show, had a variety of legal, medical, and financial issues that made him a favorite of trashy tabloids and died tragically at the age of 42. Dana Plato, who played the spoiled daughter, battled drug addiction, did porn, was arrested for armed robbery, and died of an overdose when she was 34 years old. Todd Bridges, the elder son, had well publicized drug issues and arrests but has seemingly turned things around.

 

 

32     Six Feet Under

          HBO 2001-05

One would not normally think that a show about a family that runs a funeral home would be all that entertaining, but it was cool in its own dark, brooding, morbid sort of way. The writing was crisp and the acting superb. Each show would open with the death of some random character, with my favorites being the dude who was jogging through a canyon and got pounced on by a cougar (which scared the crap out of me) and the man who got chopped to bits by an industrial dough mixer. The series finale that aired on August 21, 2005 was amazing…I still can’t get that song out of my head.

 

 

31     All in the Family

          CBS 1971-79

For the most part I am not a big fan of preachy, socially conscious, “message” television. That’s just not what I watch TV for, and these days the messages conveyed are usually rather Godless, liberal, and morally corrupt anyway. However, part of the issue also lies in the fact that there’s just not much left to be said. Most of the boundaries have been crossed, nearly all the taboos have long since been broken. That wasn’t the case 40 years ago. With the arrival of Archie Bunker we had a guy whose blatant honesty and disdain for political correctness was way way way ahead of his time. Though the left leaning suits behind the show obviously meant to cast Archie as a depraved, racist malcontent in a blatant jab at conservative values a funny thing happened on the way to the soapbox. It turns out that Archie oftentimes expressed things that a lot of Americans were thinking but were too polite to say out loud. Archie Bunker was Rush Limbaugh decades before talk radio was cool, and we loved him for it.

 

 

 

 

 

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Superfluous 7…..Things West Virginians Like

My favorite morning drive DJ recently made reference to a website that had posted a list of 10 things that West Virginians love. And while their list is not necessarily inaccurate, I just find it kind of odd and uninteresting. So, since I just happen to have a forum to express my thoughts & ideas, I think I can do better. Therefore, in honor of my home state of West Virginia’s 149th birthday, I humbly present…..

 

from the home office in Huntington, WV (home of my alma mater & The Thundering Herd!!)…..

 

The Superfluous 7 Things West Virginians Like:

 

 

7       Pittsburgh, PA & The Carolinas

Pittsburgh is only a couple of hours away from most folks in the northern half of the state and it’s the nearest place where one can find culture and great shopping. Plus it’s the home of the Steelers, Penguins, and Pirates. Places like Charlotte, Raleigh, Hilton Head, and Greenville are where everyone flees to for gainful employment once they graduate college after having taken advantage of cheap in-state tuition, and every West Virginian has to vacation at Myrtle Beach atleast once in their life. I’m pretty sure that’s decreed somewhere in The Bible.

 

 

6       Hot Dogs w/everything (ketchup, mustard, onions, & chili)
Unlike other parts of the country where it is a mortal sin to put ketchup on hot dogs, here in West Virginia we full embrace the concept. Hot dog chili is NOT the same thing as the chili one eats with a spoon on a cold winter’s evening. There are no beans in hot dog chili!! Cole slaw is an acceptable though uncommon condiment, but we’re not really relish or sauerkraut people.

 

 

5       Don Knotts, Soupy Sales, Mary Lou Retton, Jerry West, Peter Marshall, Kathy Mattea, Stonewall Jackson, John Kruk, David Selby, “Hot Rod” Hundley, Sam Huff, Homer Hickam, Nick Saban, Gunner Gatski, Lou Holtz, Lawrence Kasdan, John Corbett, Red Sovine, Bob Denver, Joyce Dewitt, Jennifer Garner, TD Jakes, Brad Paisley, and Randy Moss

The vast majority of West Virginians over the age of 35 would easily be able to identify this group of actors, athletes, singers, and other sundry luminaries as natives of our state. Most folks under the age of 35 wouldn’t be able to tell you who the hell ¾ of them even are. FYI…infamous criminal nutjob Charles Manson lived in WV as a child, but we try to keep that on the down low.

 

 

4       Pickup Trucks, Cheap Beer, & Cigarettes

It’s the ultimate redneck triumvirate!! It is WV Man Law that every guy must own a pickup truck atleast once in his life. I am currently in the process of fulfilling my obligation. And no matter how long some people have been unemployed or struggling to feed their children they will always manage to afford their $30 carton of cigarettes and $20 case of Natural Light.

 

 

3       Sucking the government teat

Welfare, food stamps, HUD, SSI. Generations of West Virginians have found a way to get around that whole work thing by just sitting on their lazy hump and waiting for the monthly entitlement check to arrive in the mail. Thank you Democrat Party.

 

 

2       WalMart

I have to give credit where credit is due…Sam Walton was a mastermind. Sure most every product is probably made by 8 year olds in Indonesian sweatshops making 3 cents/week, but that means that the fantastic savings are passed on to us…the American consumer!! And the place has everything!! Where else can one purchase a can of motor oil, a 50/50 cotton-rayon blend Hawaiian shirt, some buckshot, a jar of Miracle Whip, and the entire Harry Potter DVD collection all under one roof, then get a haircut and buy a new pair of prescription sunglasses on the way out?? I’ll tell you where…nowhere. Pure genius.

 

 

1       Country Roads

It doesn’t matter that John Denver was from Colorado, that the lyrics of the song (Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River) clearly refer to landmarks in the state of Virginia, or that the songwriters themselves once stated that the road that inspired them is in Maryland…West Virginians have latched onto this song like Lindsay Lohan in a crack house and made it the unofficial state anthem.

 

 

 

 

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50 Favorite TV Shows…..50-41

I ran some numbers on this list just for fun.

As far as network representation, NBC has 21 shows, ABC 11, CBS 9, The WB/CW, ESPN, and HBO have 2 each, USA & MTV each have 1, and there are 2 shows that are/were strictly first run syndicated. Curiously enough Fox has apparently never produced a show that frosted my cupcake all that much.

18 of my choices were mainly 80’s shows, 14 were 90’s shows, 4 came and went before I was even born (ahhh…the magic of reruns), and only 5 shows emanate from this century (2000 and beyond for those of you in Wyoming County, WV who might be having a friend from civilization trained in the literary arts reading this to you). Only 8 are still in production.

27 of my selections are comedies and 11 are dramas. A couple of shows are the difficult to pigeonhole hybrid dramedy, and then we have a game show, a couple of soap operas (thanks to my childhood babysitter), four late night comedy talk shows, two sports talk shows, and a few shows that simply cannot be categorized.

This information may not interest anyone but me, but I found it thought-provoking.

Now, onto the first ten selections!!

 

 

50     Dawson’s Creek

          WB 1998-2003

I always found the crew from Capeside, Mass. To be far more interesting than those other high schoolers on the left coast that resided in the 90210 zip code.


 

49     Sanford & Son                      

          NBC 1972-77    

My Dad and my Papaw Jim loved the adventures of junkyard magnate Fred Sanford and his son Lamont. I always got a kick out of the banter between Fred and his sister-in-law Aunt Esther. This show was cancelled when I was 5 years old, but reruns were so ubiquitous throughout the 80’s that it was never really off the air.

 

 

48     Three’s Company

          ABC 1977-84

As a red-blooded American pre-pubescent boy I had an appreciation for “jiggle TV”, a term which makes me laugh now. The explicit, craptastic vulgarity so pervasive on television today makes this show seem like religious programming in comparison. In an early season of the 90’s hit Friends the characters are watching an old rerun and someone sardonically says “Oh…I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.”, which pretty much encapsulates the show perfectly. It wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but I think maybe it flies under the radar when looking back at past great comedies.

 

 

47     The Waltons

          CBS 1972-81

The vast majority of this show’s original run came when I was too young to appreciate good quality television, but reruns were plentiful throughout the 80’s. One would not think a family drama about a large family’s triumphs & tragedies during The Great Depression would be all that entertaining, but I must say, television would be much better off if more family friendly, morally upright, well written shows like The Waltons were still around.

 

 

46     The Golden Girls

          NBC 1985-92

Here we have another premise that would seem to fly in the face of conventional wisdom but proves that maybe all that mumbo jumbo about target demographics and appealing to a younger audience isn’t always accurate. Who would think that a teenage boy would enjoy a show about a group of female seasoned citizens relishing the autumn of their years with the vitality (and libido) of women half their age??

 

 

45     Batman                                  

          NBC 1966-68

Spiderman is okay. Superman is…well…super. But for my money the coolest superhero of all time is Batman. He’s not from another planet. He isn’t the result    of some lab mishap. He doesn’t have any super powers. He’s just an ordinary guy that happens to be filthy rich, psychologically damaged, and dresses in a cowl & cape to exact vigilante justice on bad guys. And while the big screen versions of the story (both the 90’s Tim Burton flicks and Christopher Nolan’s gloomy vision) are more in line with the gritty tone of the comic books, I really love the campy, kitschy cheesiness of the 60’s TV show starring Adam West & Burt Ward (with the well-known rogues gallery of villains played by folks like Burgess Meredith, Caesar Romero, Eartha Kitt, and Frank Gorshin). It was on before I was born of course, but when Burton revived interest in The Caped Crusader two decades ago old reruns started showing up on television and I was instantly hooked.

 

44     The Love Boat

          ABC 1977-86

I’ve not been on a cruise…yet. But when the time comes how cool would it be to find love with another passenger, have dinner at the Captain’s table, and get drinks from a bartender as cool as Isaac?? Love Boat served as a side job for many past-their-prime TV & movie stars, who played passengers. This concept kept the show fresh for a few years longer than it otherwise may have been since the main cast were actually just supporting players on a weekly basis. And let’s talk about the disco infused theme song!! I’ll admit publicly that I still…25+ years later…randomly belt it out (badly) on occasion.

 

43     Full House

          ABC 1987-95

Cute babies?? Check. A saccharine sweet TV Dad no real father could ever live up to?? Check. A lil beefcake for the ladies?? Check. Conflicts that were all easily solved and wrapped up with a very special life lesson in less than 30 minutes?? Check. This wasn’t anywhere near the cutting edge, but rather a show that knew exactly how to push all the right buttons and did so with reasonable success for nearly a decade. It’s what we all seemed to prefer back in the day.

 

42     Newhart                                 

          CBS 1982-90

Some from an older generation might prefer comedian Bob Newhart’s previous effort, the 1970’s sitcom The Bob Newhart Show, in which he played a Chicago shrink hilariously interacting with co-workers and patients. However, I lean toward Newhart’s second foray into TV in which he played a Vermont innkeeper & author hilariously interacting with employees and townsfolk. This show produced undoubtedly one of the greatest series finales in the history of television on May 21, 1990 (less than 2 weeks before my high school graduation).

 

41         Coach

          ABC 1989-97

In 1983 Craig T. Nelson played a hardnosed high school football coach in the film All the Right Moves, one of Tom Cruise’s early stops on the upward climb to superstardom. Six years later Nelson would again play a football coach, this time at a fictional Minnesota college in quite possibly one of the more underrated sitcoms of the 1990’s. Curmudgeonly Coach Fox’s interactions with his two blundering assistant coaches, Luther & Dauber, were the centerpiece of the amusement, as was the relationship with his classy, way out of his league girlfriend.

 

 

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Introduction to My 50 Favorite TV Shows

Faithful citizens of The Manoverse might be surprised at what I am about to do. I’ve made quite a few disparaging remarks about television over the years, and I stand by everything I’ve said. As we’ve gotten more channels it seems as if the quality of the product has been watered down. Also, as my friend The Owl has stated, TV shows now reflect the “spirit of the age” and have become noticeably darker. The level of violence & sexuality, as well as the language that is shockingly acceptable now as opposed to when I was a kid, has, in my humble opinion, been amped up to the point that superior writing & acting are too often overshadowed. However, having said all that, I feel this decreased excellence makes it even more imperative to recognize what we have lost and give kudos to what was…and rarely is…good.

 

A few things that I need to cover before we dive in:

Just as is the case with my taste in movies, I prefer television shows that can put a smile on my face. Therefore you will not be seeing a lot of…if any…cop shows or medical dramas. They just don’t frost my cupcake. I’m more of a traditional 30 minute sitcom kind of guy. Also, I was born in the early 70’s, grew up in the 80’s, and went to college & entered “the real world” in the 90’s, so this list will be heavy with shows from around the late 70’s thru the 80’s. Reruns introduced me to a few entrants from before I was born that make the cut, but they are exceptional gems indeed. In some cases I have fond yet vague memories of shows that were on when I was a young child, meaning that had I been 5 or 10 years older they might be more highly rated…but I wasn’t so they aren’t. As a writer I notice good writing and did so…even if it was on a subconscious level…even as a youngster. With few exceptions I am not including shows still currently on the air. As much as I currently enjoy The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother I just can’t put them on an all-time type of list until I see how well they stand the test of time. In contrast to my 100 Favorite Movies list that was presented in groups of five, this endeavor encompasses only 50 shows and will be presented in five entries of 10 shows each, so the process won’t drag out nearly as long. There are just too many other things I want to spend my time writing about to expound excessive energy on one project. That doesn’t mean this venture won’t get proper attention & enthusiasm, just that I have learned to be more efficient.

 

I think a good way to begin, just as we did with the 100 Favorite Movies, is with a dozen honorable mentions (listed alphabetically) that, for one reason or another, didn’t quite make the cut:

 

Becker

I don’t think I ever watched Ted Danson’s post-Cheers comeback during its run on CBS from 1998-2004, but syndicated reruns sure kept me a lot of company during My Unfortunate Incarceration of 2006-08. I really like Danson’s irascibly misanthropic yet benevolent doctor character. For some reason he reminds me of someone.

 

The Brady Bunch

You’re singing the theme song right now, aren’t you?? Honestly, who hasn’t seen almost all 117 episodes of the classic 1969-74 sitcom in syndicated reruns?? Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a lot of errands to run: feed Tiger & Fluffy, see if I still fit into the Johnny Bravo suit, judge the cheerleading competition between Marcia, Jennifer, & Pat, pick up some meat from Sam the butcher, and find Cindy’s Kitty Carry-All. Thank God It’s A Sunshine Day. Groovy!!

 

Eight is Enough

For some reason I remember being so in love with middle daughter Susan and being so bummed when she married Merle. Of course I was only 7 years old. I think this one might have snuck into the Top 50 if I had been ten years older.

 

Gilligan’s Island

Just like The Brady Bunch, this show has one of the most memorable theme songs in television history. And just like the Bradys, this show came & went before I was even born but reruns were so ubiquitous in the 80’s that a whole new generation got to know the crew & passengers of the SS Minnow and join in the antics following their ill-fated 3 hour tour. You can keep your Lost and Survivor…I prefer to hang out with these castaways.

 

Gomer Pyle

Spun off from the incomparable Andy Griffith Show and originally aired in the late 60’s long before I was a gleam in my Daddy’s eye, this is one of those shows that benefited mightily from syndication and has been enjoyed by multiple generations. I always got a kick out of it when I was a kid. Goooollly…shazaam indeed.

 

The Jeffersons

I suppose a show about a well-to-do black family (they even had a maid!!) seemed edgy in 1975 when it was spun off from All in the Family. When I was watching it during the second half of its decade long run in the early 80’s it was just good solid fun.

 

Mork & Mindy

Any show that kickstarted the amazing career of the awesomely talented Robin Williams has to atleast be in this conversation, right?? Nanu nanu…Orson…come in Orson.

 

NewsRadio

Oh what might have been. This show was only on for 5 seasons during the late 90’s, but it had the potential to last so much longer and be so much better. Unfortunately NBC kept changing its time slot, which has a tendency to thwart the momentum of even the coolest shows. Then star Phil Hartman was tragically murdered, making the 5th (and final) season really odd to watch. It didn’t help that Jon Lovitz…who I’ve never found funny…was brought in to replace Hartman. At its best NewsRadio was reminiscent of another radio station based comedy, WKRP in Cincinnati. But throughout its run the writing was uneven and just never lived up to expectations.

 

NYPD Blue

As noted, I’m not really a huge fan of what they call police procedural dramas, but this one was pretty good. It was probably on the air atleast 2 or 3 years longer than it should have been and suffered from too many cast changes, but in its heyday during the mid-to-late 90’s it was good solid entertainment.

 

Perfect Strangers

A classic fish-out-of-water story about a wide-eyed innocent sheepherder from the small Mediterranean island of Mypos coming to live with his neurotic cousin in Chicago. This was a Friday night staple from 1986-93. Deep, meaningful television?? Maybe not. But it was good old-fashioned comedy comfort food.

 

Saved By the Bell

Corny?? Cheesy?? Poorly written with subpar acting?? An 80’s relic?? Yes to all of the above. But since I was never a big fan of cartoons I was always open to alternative programming on Saturday morning, and this was a perfectly digestible bit of fluffery when I was in college and usually hungover all weekend.

 

Sports Night

Writer/producer Aaron Sorkin is now an Oscar winner with numerous hit shows & movies to his credit, but 15 years ago his fast paced, rapier sharp dramedy about an ESPN-esque sports show was just too ahead of its time to be embraced by the masses and lasted just two seasons. If the ratings had been better and it had been on the air several more years I have no doubt it’d be in the Top 50.

 

Welcome Back Kotter

You live by the sword, you die by the sword. This tale of a group of Brooklyn high school degenerates helped launch John Travolta into superstardom. However, Travolta’s fame led to him moving on to films like Grease & Saturday Night Fever, which essentially killed the show. It originally aired in the late 70’s when I was just a bit too young to really appreciate the humor, but I’ve always enjoyed the reruns.

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Superfluous 7…..Things That Annoy Me For No Apparent Reason

First of all, let me just say that I had a hard time trimming this list down to seven things. I smell a future sequel. At any rate, even though I am a mostly pleasant, easygoing, amiable guy, I have my pet peeves just like everyone else. I have decided over the course of the past few years to embrace my inner curmudgeon because even my dark side is pretty much harmless, and I kind of figure that if there are going to be things that tick me off those things may as well be completely neurotic & trivial. So, it is with lighthearted malice in my big ol’ cuddly heart that I scream at you pesky kids to get off my damn lawn & turn down that noisy rock n’ roll music, and present to you…..

 

 

from the home office in Burlington, VT (America’s angriest city…seriously, Google it)…..

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Things That Annoy Me For No Apparent Reason:

 

 

 

7   Going “up” instead of down (or vice versa)

I hear people doing this all the time. For example, Morgantown, WV (home of the Mountaineers) is a city approximately 50 miles north of me, but I’ll hear a person say “I am gonna run down to Morgantown”. No, you’re not. You are going to go UP to Morgantown. Buy a compass for God’s sake.

 

 

6  Songs with sirens

You are driving along, enjoying your day, running your errands, and enjoying the lovely sunshine. You are rockin’ out to your local rock station when you hear it…”WOOO WOOO WOOO”. Your heart jumps into your throat. You do a mental checklist…license, registration, proof of insurance, cell phone so the cops can call 911 since you are having a coronary. And then you realize that you aren’t about to be dragged away to the pokey like OJ Simpson trying to see if he can luck out with two idiotic juries in one lifetime. No, it’s just the song on the radio. I’d like to lock the “artists” who record such purported “songs” in a room with ol’ OJ for an hour or two.

 

 

5  Toddlers on a leash

I do not have any children (that I am aware of). I may never have children. I realize that those who do have children hold their safety in the highest regard. But leashes are for dogs. If you cannot protect your baby in a more humane fashion than to tether them to you like the family pet then may I suggest you leave them at home until they are of such an age that you feel comfortable that they won’t run away from you like band members fleeing Van Halen.

 

 

4  Unpunctuality

You know what time you need to be at work, church, or any other social engagement or meeting. Be there on time. Heck…get crazy and be there 10 minutes early. Don’t be the person that walks in 5 or 15 minutes late e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e w-e-e-k. Eventually the excuses ring hollow and you become a running joke. It becomes obvious that the task at hand is not at all important to that constantly tardy person.

 

 

3  Lady & Lil Man

Maybe it’s just me…maybe I am imagining things. But I am pretty sure this is a fairly new trend. It seems as if everyone now refers to all male babies & toddlers as “Lil Man”. “I’m taking Lil Man to the circus tonight!!”. “Lil Man isn’t feeling very well today…I think he has a tummy ache”. “Lil Man doesn’t really look like me or any of the dozen guys I slept with last year…I am beginning to think there was a mix up at the hospital”. I cannot be totally sure because…well, I was a baby, plus I can’t remember what I had for breakfast let alone things that happened nearly 40 years ago…but I’d be willing to bet that when I was a child no one called me Lil Man. Close behind this irritating trend is this one: one female says to the other ‘I tried to call you last night lady!!” or “What’s goin’ on lady?? I haven’t talked to you in forever”. Who are you…Jerry Lewis?? And right up there on the irk-o-meter are middle aged white guys who think they are some smooth blend of LL Cool J, Jamie Foxx, and Barry White and refer to their lovely female friends as Baby Girl. Please stop it…you are embarrassing yourself.

 

2  Group Shopping

I live a rather solitary life. I live alone, sleep alone, eat alone, go to the movies alone, and shop alone. I realize this skews my perspective. However, when I am at the grocery store, the mall, or any other retail outlet I want to be able to get to where I am going and peruse the aisles with as little interference as possible. That is why I become exasperated by 3 or more people walking beside each other like Dorothy and her crew skipping down The Yellow Brick Road. Getting behind such a group is the pedestrian equivalent of following a school bus at 7am on a weekday in the fall. Your task will take you three times as long because these assclowns are oblivious to the fact that the world does not revolve around their juvenile merriment. Get out of my way!!

 

 

1  Obnoxious Facebook Pics

You’ve seen them. We’ve all seen them. This is an open plea to all females under the age of 50 who post photos on Facebook or any other site. I absolutely guarantee that if one is a friend of a person that fits that demographic then they have seen their gal pal post two specific types of pics. The first is what I would call “Look at me…I’m gangsta!!” – two fingers pointed like a horizontal peace sign, with a look on their face as if they are having some sort of convulsion and may need immediate medical attention. The second, even more aggravating pic is what I guess the kids these days are calling The Ducky Face, which is some sort of weird puckering thing. Please…ladies…I beg of you…please, for the love of God & all that is holy, stop. It is not attractive, it is not cool…it is obnoxious.

My Neighbor’s Ass

In the 1998 rom-com You’ve Got Mail (#46 on my Favorite Movies list) Meg Ryan’s character laments “I live a small life. Well, valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave?”

 

I must admit that I often have a similar inner dialogue, except I am not quite so convinced that my life has been all that valuable thus far. I beat myself up about not being as professionally successful as I thought I’d be once upon a time. I feel isolated and contemplate my lack of friends, dearth of communal interaction, and complete absence of any semblance of a love life. I wonder where it all went so wrong and ponder decades of mistakes, misfortune, wrong turns, and bad decisions. And I convince myself that I am the only person in the world who has these thoughts because e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e else is happier, more successful, and completely content with their wonderful lives.

 

Social media does one no favors with this struggle. A person can log onto Facebook on a daily basis and see family members, fellow church members, or old chums from school & work proudly displaying photos of or understandably boasting about their wonderful spouse, fun & entertaining city, beautiful children, awesome job, expensive home, cool new car, and amazing vacation. I often see others going to concerts, having cookouts with friends & family, and painting the town red every weekend, all while I sit at home by myself reading a book, watching TV, and chillin’ with my dog.

 

But then I see other things. I read an obituary of a lovely 20-something whose life was cut short by something the paper politely does not mention. I see that the divorce rate is 50%…give or take…and personally know far too many people who have gone through the ordeal. I observe a multitude of homeless, illiterate people wandering the streets of my hometown. I know of those who have committed or atleast attempted suicide. I see the negative effects of joblessness & economic woes. I hear about people’s battles with serious illness.

 

It is in these moments of clarity that I understand that my life ain’t half bad.

 

Why then, do I (and others) oftentimes feel such regret?? Why does seeing what others have spark an unhealthy fusion of animosity & sadness?? As usual, my friend The Owl pointed me in the right direction for the answer.

 

The Bible has literally dozens of verses that speak of a particular word. That word is “covet”. The dictionary defines it as being “inordinately, eagerly, or wrongly desirous of wealth and possessions or excessively and culpably desirous of the possessions of another.” In a nutshell, we want what we can’t (or aren’t supposed to) have. We become convinced that what we do have…our life, our stuff…isn’t good enough. We have a perfectly fine roof over our heads, but we want something bigger & fancier or in a better neighborhood. We like our job but keep our eyes & ears open for something more prestigious or with higher pay. We love our spouse but don’t hesitate to dump them for or cheat on them with someone hotter, thinner, or richer. It seems that many are never truly happy or satisfied and nothing they attain or achieve is ever good enough.

 

At this point I feel compelled to make two disclaimers. First of all, I am absolutely sure that we all fight this battle; it’s just that there are varying degrees of covetousness and some are more successful in overcoming the obstacle than others. Jeremiah 6:13 tells us that “from the least of them even to the greatest of them, everyone is given to covetousness, and from the prophet even to the priest,everyone deals falsely.” Even the most content among us has likely been envious of others at some point in their life. So if you are reading this and thinking “My humble Potentate of Profundity has lost his mind. I’ve never felt what he is describing.” then either you are a very blessed individual or you are lying to yourself. Call me cynical, but my money is on the latter. Secondly, no one is saying that folks are wrong for buying a fancy new car, jumping ship to a better job, or taking a fantabulous trip to an exotic locale. The point is that others are wrong for secretly cursing those folks under their breath and wishing they could have the car, the job, & the trip.

 

Covetousness is such a big deal to God that He includes it in His Ten Commandments. Specifically, the tenth commandment in Exodus 20:17 states ““You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” So covetousness is right up there alongside murder, theft, lying, and adultery in the pantheon of things we are not supposed to do. Colossians 3:5 instructs us to “put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”  Mark 7:21-23 says that “From within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t give a rat’s petoot about my neighbor’s ox or donkey, if I even know anyone that owns such animals. However, I darn sure notice other guys’ pretty girlfriends, wish I’d been to cool places like Vegas & Italy like a lot of folks I know, and wonder occasionally why I wasn’t smart enough to move to the beach like half of my graduating class. The problem is that The Bible tells me I may as well be out robbing banks, killing people, and sleeping around because I am still wallowing in sin when I covet. What is the punishment for these evil thoughts?? Ephesians 5:5 tells us that “no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” 2nd Peter 2:12-15 warns us about false teachers that will come along and “speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption, and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime.” These false teachers and the things they put forth “are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children. They have forsaken the right way and gone astray.” The question that one must ask of themselves is “Is my soul unstable??”.

 

I don’t like to dive into these kinds of topics without being able to offer a solution, and what I have found is that the answer is always pretty much the same. You aren’t going to find what you seek in a pop psychology book or on an infomercial. Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Dr. Ruth, and Dr. Laura aren’t going to assist you any more than Dr. Dre, Dr. Seuss, Dr. J, or Doctor No. These sources might provide some answers, but they won’t deliver t-h-e answer. There is only one foundation that will bring stability to the soul, allowing a person to withstand the false teachings so abundant in our world. The psalmist, in Psalm 119:36, prays to God “incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.” Receive your instruction from God instead of a talk show or the inane ramblings of some empty-headed, soulless pseudo celebrity and you should be on solid ground. Hebrews 13:5 implores us to “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Luke 12:15 says to “take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” I think it is okay to identify good people, look up to them, and attempt to emulate their finest qualities. But if you want to know what kind of person you should be just refer to Paul’s advice to Timothy in Timothy 3:2-4, in which he says that we should “be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;  not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;  one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence.” Paul didn’t seem concerned with keeping up with the Jones…or the Kardashians…so maybe we shouldn’t either.

 

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