It’s all about soul. It’s all about joy that comes out of sorrow. The power of love and the power of healing. This life isn’t fair. It’s gonna get dark, it’s gonna get cold. You’ve got to be tough, but that ain’t enough. It’s all about soul. – Billy Joel
Several years ago I wrote a little ditty about Mother’s Day in which I provided some background on the holiday, spoke a bit about my own mother, and encouraged anyone fortunate enough to still have theirs around to visit or give her a call. However, in the years that I’ve been doing this thing that I do I don’t believe I’ve ever written exclusively about my Mom, and the twenty-year anniversary of her death seems like an appropriate time to change that. Don’t worry…I’m not going to get all sentimental & weepy. Well…not too much anyway. I don’t want to deify my mother or describe her in unrealistically glowing terms. Mom was a human being just like the rest of us, but she was my mother and I loved her.
My father has taught me many valuable lessons throughout my life, but two stand out. The first one being that even when a person might be really nice & 
sympathetic to “the poor little crippled boy” they’ve pretty much barely left the room before they forget all about me because people have their own problems. That has been huge for me. It made me understand that the world doesn’t owe me anything and that politeness, good manners, & empathy (all good things) are vastly different from true love, caring, & friendship. The second thing that Dad taught me was that…because of my disability and the tangential health issues that are part of the package (I’ve had over 30 surgeries in my lifetime)…my Mom did more for me in a single week than most mothers have to do for their kids in an entire year. She was 25 years old when I was born and already had a three-year old daughter, but dealing with a newborn who was paralyzed and faced an uncertain future had to be a daunting task. Thankfully there was plenty of familial support, but she was clearly my primary caregiver, and there are no words in existence to properly thank her for everything she did for me. I have always felt…for lack of a better way of expressing it…a sense of guilt because my parents were young adults in their mid-20’s with everything in front of them and then I came along and suddenly their whole world changed. The older I get the more I understand (or atleast try to) what that must have been like and I am so…humbled…by it.
I don’t know if anyone would have described Mom as tough before she got married and had kids, but certainly life toughened her up. Don’t 
misunderstand…she was kind, soft-spoken, & as down-to-earth as anyone, but when circumstances called for it she could open up a can o’ whoopass. Certainly she fought many battles for me in my childhood, from dealing with the medical establishment (always a fun chore) to opening the eyes of an education system who couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea that a physical handicap did not mean that I was also mentally impaired. I appreciate the fact that my mother wasn’t afraid to speak her mind or stand up for what’s right. My sister & I absolutely benefitted from parents who had standards…they expected us to be respectful, do good in school, & behave. We weren’t permitted to run around like entitled savages and were properly punished when we did act up, discipline that has undoubtedly made us better adults.
Sadly, just as my health had begun to stabilize and the school drama had gotten figured out Mom developed her own health issues. Her aging doctor (who 
probably should have been retired) kept telling her she had a cold, but she knew better. A new doctor took one look at her and diagnosed her with asthma. Over the next 19 years she had to go into the hospital semi-frequently for what she referred to as a tune-up, take breathing treatments multiple times each day, and consume numerous medications daily. In hindsight I recognize how her health deteriorated slowly, but in the moment I was just a kid, growing up into a teenager, going to school, and living what I considered to be a fairly normal life. I was away at college when Mom was diagnosed with cancer and had to have a lung removed. My mother never smoked a day in her life. Her father had issues with alcohol so she had no use for any of those kinds of proclivities…she was as straitlaced as they come. In our humanity we can’t help but ask “why” and search for logical explanations, but sometimes there are no conclusive answers. Five years after the lung was removed my mother was gone, and we found out after the fact that the cancer had returned. Sometimes we don’t see God’s blessings when they occur, but now I understand that Mom’s ending could have been much more horrific & painful if she had lingered as the cancer spread.
I will never forget looking into her eyes as she lay in the hospital hooked up to life support, visibly aware of what was happening to her but unable to speak and powerless to do anything about it. Those moments will haunt me for the rest of my life. I will never forget how it was a balmy 70 degrees on the day of her funeral…a rarity during February in this part of the country and an absolute blessing given the circumstances.
So now here we are two decades later. I’m just five years younger than Mom was when she died. I don’t know whether my life or the lives of my father, sister, 
& nephews would have turned out all that differently had she lived. My mistakes and my shortcomings are my own responsibility. However, I oftentimes think that she might have made a positive difference…either by gently guiding me in the right direction or by being the kind of stern parent to call me out on my foolishness. I learned a long time ago that both methods can be effective depending upon particular circumstances. Regardless, all I know is that there has been a void in my life for the past 20 years…a sense of loss from which I’ve never quite recovered. On the other hand, when I read or hear about situations in which small children or even teenagers lose their mother I realize that I was blessed to have mine until I was an adult.
Millions of people lose loved ones every day, often under tragic circumstances. My family isn’t unique or special in that regard. I’m a grown man with a job, bills, & responsibilities who no longer needs my Mommy to fight my battles, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. I’d do just about anything to have one more conversation with her, to be able to say a proper goodbye. However, life rarely works like that, right?? Mom had a saying: “give me my roses while I’m alive”. We appreciated all of the people that came to her funeral all those years ago, and there is no doubt that the cards, flowers, food, & words of comfort were meant with deepest sincerity, but while those things provide a notion of solace to the family they obviously don’t benefit the dearly departed. So give your friends & family their roses now. Call. Visit. Text. Hit them up on Messenger. Hug them. Thank them. Tell them you love them. The day will come when you can no longer do any of that, and the feeling of loss may diminish but never disappears.
Life moves forward. I oftentimes wonder how my mother would react to certain things. Would she think that “reality” TV is as stupid as I do?? What would 
she think of smartphones?? Would she give a rat’s petoot about social media?? I know she’d be proud of her two grandsons. They were little children when she passed and now they’re 20-somethings with lives of their own, complete with all of the requisite responsibilities & issues that come with adulthood. I wish she could have watched them grow up. I wish they could have had their grandmother as long as I had both of mine. I wish my parents could’ve grown old together and helped each other thru their “golden years”. I know I’m focusing on my mother at the moment, but my Dad is simply the best and I know he misses Mom as much as my sister & I do. He and two of his cousins all got married within several months of each other back in the day, and last year both of those cousins celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries with surprise parties given by their children. It made me profoundly sad that Dad didn’t get the same opportunity.
I’m not sure I have a lyrical conclusion to all of this or even a cohesive point. I got up this morning and went to work. It was a typical, ordinary Sunday in 
most ways. I now work in the same hospital where I was born & my mother died. Well, it’s a different hospital but the same building, if that makes any sense. I couldn’t help but become a little bit emotional today, although I think I did a decent job of hiding it from those I encountered. I feel like it is important to mark the occasion. I don’t know if anyone else but me will ever read these words, and if anyone does they might get the impression that I’m a bundle of neuroses. So be it. The truth is that I’m doing okay. Thru all the ups & downs and all the hardships & victories I have felt the hand of God in my life. I am blessed beyond what I have any right to expect, and my first blessing was my mother.
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household. She extends her hand to the poor, she reaches out her hands to the needy. Strength and honor are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31)
sadness to show the world an irrepressible spirit with smiles & laughter. Sure they might be faking it much of the time, but they’re making an effort, and that’s beautiful. One of my favorite scenes is in the film Rocky Balboa when an aging Italian Stallion is talking to his son about such resilience. He makes the point that the world “will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it”, and that life “ain’t about how hard you hit…it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” I admire anyone that gets back up when they get knocked down. It shows courage, toughness, & humility. That’s the kind of person I’ll be glad to call friend any day.
I was amused a few weeks back when perusing social media after President Trump’s State of the Union address and ran across a comment from a friend of a friend who opined that it was “one of the most poorly written speeches I’ve ever heard” and “his speechwriters should find a new job”. Now I’m the first to admit that Trump isn’t a gifted public speaker, but I also believe that no matter what one’s political opinions might be that SotU was objectively a home run. Was it a little gimmicky?? Perhaps. But to call it “poorly written” is a bad take from someone who I assumed was much smarter. I’m pretty sure that person is a hardcore liberal, the kind who actually believes Bernie Sanders is a legit choice to be President of the United States. That’s fine…it’s a free country & we can agree to disagree. And speaking of the State of the Union, I wasn’t all that offended by Speaker Pelosi acting like a belligerent toddler throughout the evening and tearing up President Trump’s speech at the end. It exposed what kind of person she really is, though sadly I have no doubt that the people in her district in California will re-elect her to an 18th term and she’ll get four more chances to hear a Trump SotU.
I don’t suffer from depression myself, but I do go thru the occasional valley, which can include feelings of loneliness 
& isolation. However, I think the point of this meme can be be expanded beyond all of that. It’s a tremendous dichotomy in our modern world where everyone is connected online and communication is easier than it ever has been that society is oftentimes non-communicative. It has been a source of frustration for me over the years that so many people who I’d really like to talk to & see more often rarely seem to reach out. My phone hardly rings. I spend most days & evenings alone when I’m not at work. Sometimes I don’t mind…but other times I do. I don’t feel like my ability to reach out has been muted…I’ve just made the conscious decision to not bother with those who don’t seem to notice my absence. 
social media that “I will never tell you my needs until I am desperate. You are expected to just know or you’re not the one for me because I want an intuitive man.” Okay…there’s a lot to unpack there. On one hand I do kinda sorta get it. When my sister was a teenager my mother used to become frustrated because she didn’t think she should have to tell my sister every little thing that needed done around the house or that she needed help with; Mom expected my sister to see what needed done & do it without being prodded. To some degree that is completely understandable. However, there is a thin line between intuitive & psychic. I’d like to think that I’d be the kind of attentive boyfriend/husband that would make a woman content and be able to anticipate her wants & needs. However, in the course of my life I have found direct communication to be…efficient. A person can’t always read your mind, no matter how well y’all know each other. I don’t care what kind of relationship is involved…romantic, professional, parental, friendship…forthright communication is best. I believe in most instances people are pleased by the result of such refreshing honesty. Certainly it seems like a better course of action than assumptions, guesswork, expectations, disappointment, & lingering bitterness based on misguided idealism.
It’s been a couple of weeks since the Super Bowl. A few thoughts:
However, sports fans do tend to enjoy aging athletes going out on a high note even if we’ve cheered against them their entire career, and Kobe’s 60 point game in his NBA swan song a few years ago was epic. In retirement he had transformed into a doting Dad, and really, who could dislike that?? To call the helicopter crash that killed Kobe tragic seems like an understatement. Nine people lost their lives, including three teenage girls, with one of those being Bryant’s daughter Gigi. I don’t believe in deifying athletes, but I also understand that it is difficult for human beings to wrap our mind around such a heartbreaking catastrophe. It made me sad to learn that Bryant had a disagreement with his parents & siblings a few years ago and wasn’t on speaking terms with them at the time of his passing. I cannot even imagine the pain that his family, along with the loved ones of the others killed in the crash, must be going thru.
Congratulations to the LSU Tigers for winning their third national title since 2003 (all three coming under a different head coach). It seemed inevitable, especially in the latter part of the regular season, but getting past the Clemson Tigers in the championship game was no easy feat. Would the Ohio St. Buckeyes (who were upset by Clemson in the semifinal) have given the Bayou Bengals a tougher fight?? Perhaps, but it’s folly to speculate. LSU head coach Ed Orgeron has certainly paid his dues in the sport, seems like a genuinely decent man, and is a perfect fit in his home state of Louisiana.
didn’t help my situation since they essentially lost two games for me. However, the good news for yours truly is that I did come out ahead in our season long Pigskin Picks of Profundity. I was 61-43, while Zach finished with a .500 record of 52-52. As always a big thank you to my nephew for playing our silly little game. It’s all in good fun. There’s no money involved. We’re just two football fans who enjoy a good challenge.
With pitchers & catchers having reported now seems like a good time to weigh in on the sign stealing scandal that cost three MLB managers…AJ Hinch (Houston Astros), Alex Cora (Boston Red Sox), & Carlos Beltran (New York Mets)…their jobs. Cora was a bench coach for the Astros a few years ago while Beltran was a player for the team. To say that the situation “rocked baseball” feels inaccurate, since MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred has taken very little action. Pete Rose was banned from baseball for betting on his own team (which obviously means he didn’t throw games), while the Astros won a World Series by blatantly cheating, yet none of those players are facing a ban and there’s no threat of their championship being stripped. Seriously?? Fay Vincent has got to be rolling over in his grave.
Okay, so…y’all know I’m not above borrowing a concept I’ve seen on social media and putting my own special spin on it for The Manoverse. This time the inspiration comes not from Pinterest but from Facebook. A former co-worker of mine posted it, and basically one is supposed to just indicate which of these television shows we’ve seen more than ten episodes of with a lil heart emoji. That’s a cool idea, but I think I can improve upon it with pithy comments and my own unique wit. I don’t watch as much television as I used to, and this exercise not only proves that but shows exactly why. Enjoy.
But then came one of the worst final episodes in television history. After finally meeting The Mother (portrayed by the enchanting Cristin Milioti) toward the end of the series we are given a quick fast forward with the highlights of Ted & Tracy’s relationship, ultimately finding out that in the “present” day of 2030 (when the framing device is set) The Mother is dead and Ted is ready to revisit his long dormant relationship with former flame Robin. Oh yes…Robin. HIMYM spent the last few seasons building up an unlikely romance & eventual marriage between Robin and lecherous Barney Stinson, only to throw it all away in a “blink & you’ll miss it” hot second in the finale. All the character growth that we experienced with Barney is flippantly discarded when Barney & Robin divorce and he embarks on a quest to sleep with 31 women in the space of a month, a plan that goes awry when the final conquest gets pregnant. Look, I’m a sucker for happy endings, but I also know that life doesn’t work like that. To some degree I almost understand what the show’s creators were going for. My father always says that death is part of life, so writing that aspect into the show would be understandable…except for the fact that HIMYM is a freakin’ half hour sitcom. We don’t need deep & meaningful. Just give us our damn happy ending…Ted & Tracy and Barney & Robin all live happily ever after. But nnnnooooooo…they couldn’t do that!! I swore in the immediate aftermath of the finale in 2014 that I would never watch a rerun of the show, and for six years I’ve kept that vow.
Phoenix, all directed by Ron Howard. It was a good flick that garnered two Academy Award nominations: Best Song (Randy Newman) and Best Supporting Actress (Dianne Wiest). In 1990 Parenthood was adapted for television with the same characters but a whole new cast, including David Arquette, Ed Begley Jr., Thora Birch, & a young Leonardo DiCaprio (portraying the character played by Phoenix in the film). That show only lasted for one season, which is a shame because it wasn’t bad. Then in 2010 NBC decided to revive the general concept of Parenthood, albeit with a whole new set of characters and a more 21st century angsty kind of vibe. I really liked the original film, and enjoyed the first TV show, but by the time the second show came about I was almost 40 years old and not all that entertained by angst anymore. I have enough anxiety & torment in my real life…I’m not amused by it in movies or on television. The cast (Craig T. Nelson, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter, Peter Krause, Lauren Graham) was terrific, and I did watch a few episodes in the course of six seasons, but it was never something I was going to invest in completely.
traditional format. In the past decade we’ve seen the rise of single camera sitcoms, meaning there is no live audience or laugh track. Since I came of age with multi-cams as the norm that’s what I’m used to. I need a live audience and/or a laugh track. I have had a difficult time adjusting to single camera sitcoms and oftentimes reject such programs right out of the box. Perhaps I need to be a bit more flexible, but I’m just being honest about my experience up until now. It is for these reasons that I never even gave The Office a second thought when it premiered in 2005. I adore the 1999 cult film Office Space, so The Office would seem to be right in my wheelhouse, but I never gave it a chance. However, a few things happened in the ensuing years. Steve Carell became a movie star in films that I rather enjoy. Other stars of The Office went on to have solid careers in movies & television…folks like Jenna Fischer, Ed Helms, & John Krasinski. Internet memes became a thing, many of them featuring characters from The Office. Friends & family began making references related to the show. And now…finally…nearly seven years after it ended its run on NBC, I have begun watching reruns on Netflix.
riveting. The show was well-written with a top notch cast. I’ve had a Mandy Moore fetish for many years. Back in the day my friend Stacy would call me whenever A Walk to Remember was on television and I was usually already watching it. At any rate, something happened in the fall of 2018. This Is Us began a story arc about Jack’s tour of duty in Vietnam, and I decided to change the channel to WWE Smackdown. I DVRed This Is Us and told myself I’d catch up eventually, but before long I had about a dozen episodes recorded and knew I wasn’t going to invest that much time in getting up to speed, so I just decided I was no longer interested in the show. Perhaps someday I’ll revisit it.
The Manofesto 