Welcome back to the 2022 Sammy Awards, a final look back at the year that was, and the people & stories that shaped our perception of it. If you missed Part 1 it’s not too late to catch up. As always The Sammys are far more fun than the austere Oscars, and much more in touch with what matters to real, normal people than the Golden Globes, Grammys, or anything produced by MTV. We’re also pandemic proof, which has come in handy the past couple of years. The CDC isn’t going to shut this fake show down!! Let’s give a warm ovation to our host Jim Gaffigan!!
After some delightful comedy from our host it’s time to give out some more awards!! Our next presenter is a lovely actress & up-n-coming director who has starred in memorable flicks like The Girl Next Door, Love the Coopers, & The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Well okay, perhaps her directing career will be more…impressive. But hey, atleast she’s pretty, right?? That’s something!! Give a rousing ovation to Olivia Wilde!!!! And the nominees are:
Tim Taylor Award for Biggest Tool
Howard Stern
What the hell happened to Howard Stern?!?!?!?? He used to be so rebellious. He was a modern day counterculture folk hero. He was funny & cool in an oddball sort of way. Now?? Apparently he’s just another wealthy, out of touch, crazy leftist who sits in his bully pulpit talking down to all of us peons, saying things like “When are we going to stop putting up with the idiots in this country and just say it’s mandatory to get vaccinated?” Perhaps when they come up with a vaccine that doesn’t kill people you assclown 🤷. “Fuck their freedom” says Howard Stern, who can’t see the forest for the trees. “If you didn’t get vaccinated & you got COVID, you don’t get into a hospital. Go fuck yourself, you had the cure and you wouldn’t take it.” Cure?!?!?!?? Really?!?!?!?? 🤦🏻♂️ “We have places, like shitholes that have like 300,000 people, and they get two senators.” Allow me to translate. First, Howard Stern needs to read The Constitution. Secondly, he thinks he’s better than you because he lives in California, which to my knowledge is the real shithole. He doesn’t think people in Wyoming, Alaska, Vermont, or the Dakotas should have as much say in the direction of the country. I don’t know that he’s said it, but I’m going to go out on a limb & assume he’d abolish the electoral college. Look, I am willing to have an intelligent discussion with anyone that holds opposing views. I have friends & even family that don’t share my opinions. However, I’m pretty sick & tired of rich & famous types who use their platform to insult & dismiss a huge portion of the country, who clearly think that they are superior. Kiss my ass Howard.
The “Ladies” of The View
To call The View unwatchable would be an understatement. Well, anyone with functioning brain cells wouldn’t be watching it anyway. I haven’t even attempted it in years, but the show is constantly going viral as the hosts apparently get crazier with each passing day. How in the world does Whoopi Goldberg still have a job?!?!?!?? Don’t misunderstand…the morons around the table are entitled to their deranged opinions. It’s (allegedly) a free country. What pisses me off is the attempt to soft sell the gaslighting of an entire audience by marketing it as an entertainment program. The same thing is happening on late night “comedy” shows. It’s appalling, not to mention deceitful. Leave the punditry & sociopolitical commentary to the folks at CNN, FOX, MSNBC, et al.
Justin Trudeau
I don’t know how anyone is willingly residing in Canada anymore. Is free healthcare that meaningful?? Trudeau is nothing more than a smarmy dictator wannabe. He’s the kind of guy that probably got picked last for teams in gym class & grew up with simmering rage just below the surface because the cool kids didn’t let him hang out with them. Now he’s in a position of power and he relishes the opportunity to jerk people around, stripping citizens’ rights like a madman, all with an insincere smile on his face as he tries to tell everyone it’s “for the greater good”. Good luck with that Canada. Maybe one day you’ll pry your collective head out of your clueless ass.
Stephen Colbert
He’s basically a male, late night version of the shrews from The View. Late night television makes me sad nowadays. Johnny Carson would roll over in his grave. OG David Letterman (before his brain turned to mush) would be horrified. Back in the summer of 2022 Colbert actually sent a crew to DC who illegally breached the U.S. Capitol, but unlike another more infamous incident in that same location Colbert’s antics quickly faded from public consciousness. People were arrested, but of course the corrupt Justice Department declined to prosecute. Do you think anyone associated with Tucker Carlson or Tomi Lahren would’ve escaped so easily?? Of course not. Because our entire government is dirty to its core.
Jen Psaki & Karine Jean-Pierre
I didn’t think any White House Press Secretary could be worse that Psaki, but Jean-Pierre is just as bad. It’s not even the lying that bothers me. Part of the job is massaging the truth. It’s the fact that they’re so ridiculously bad at it that it’s insulting, and also that they’re both woefully unprepared. Did they blackmail Biden into giving them the job?? Or does Sleepy Joe & his inner circle get their jollies trolling American citizens by purposely hiring the most inept & ill-equipped people??
Robert DeNiro
DeNiro is pathetic. He’s completely lost touch with reality. Last summer he went on Colbert’s show and, with a straight face, opined that the Alzheimer’s patient in the White House is “doing a very good job” & has “got us into calm waters”. My first instinct was that it was totally delusional to say that. However, I realized a couple of things. First, DeNiro doesn’t give a damn about gas prices, food prices, inflation, etc. He’s rich & doesn’t give a damn about you & me. Secondly, it really does not matter to him & his ilk that they installed a President who doesn’t know where the hell he is half the time & most certainly isn’t really in charge of anything. They want a puppet who’ll rubber stamp a bunch of tyrannical policies that worship at the altar of climate change, open borders, identity politics, and other leftist agendas, and they want someone who’ll do it quietly. They want someone who speaks softly and tells folksy stories. They want “calm waters” so they can dive deep without anyone noticing them fundamentally destroying the nation they despise. The sad part is they are succeeding.
Pat Benatar
In a pitiful attempt to hang on to whatever shred of relevancy remaining from a career that peaked four decades ago the aging rocker announced last summer that she’d no longer perform arguably her best known hit song Hit Me With Your Best Shot because of mass shootings or some such nonsense. First of all, meaningless virtue signaling makes me want to vomit. Get over yourself. Secondly…TRUST ME Pat Benatar…NO ONE has EVER associated that song with gun violence. Absolutely no one. Not even stupid people. Honestly this might be the dumbest news story of 2022.
Joy Reid
I don’t watch television news all that much. Maybe the local news occasionally, but certainly not the national news. However, if I were forced to watch a news program I promise you this…ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Fox…they’d all be choices I’d consider before MSNBC, which is the television equivalent of dumpster diving. However, even though I actively avoid TV news shows somehow I can’t escape Reid because she constantly says such idiotic things that she’s viral nearly every day. Maybe that’s the scam…I don’t know.
and the Sammy goes to…..
All of Them. Anyone who’s been watching The Sammy Awards thru the years saw this coming a mile away. There are no winners in this category. They all tie for Biggest Loser, and we’re not talking about weight loss.
We asked Olivia Wilde to stay, but she was handed some papers and had to leave, so to present our next award we are excited to introduce an alleged actor who found himself in the news an awful lot in 2022. Perhaps it was the five movies he starred in, which nobody could name if their life depended on it. Or maybe it was his Netflix comedy special y’all weren’t even aware existed. No…I don’t think it was either of those things. What was it?? Does it matter?? Anyway, please give a long, hard ovation to former Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson!!
Fred Berry Award for Excellence in Syndication or Streaming
The Office
When I was a child television worked a certain way. The new season would premier in September. There’d be a little more than a couple dozen episodes (give or take), with the season finale in May. Throughout the summer you’d get reruns until the new season debuted. A great show would last 7-10 seasons, while less than great shows ended much quicker. That’s how it worked…back then. We’re in a whole new world now, one to which I am still adjusting. However, one thing hasn’t changed. Reruns are still a thing, it’s just that we view them more purposefully & have control over what we consume & when. I didn’t watch The Office when it aired on NBC from 2005-13. Not one single episode. I had convinced myself that I didn’t like single camera shows with no studio audience or laugh track, and I’m pretty sure something else I liked aired in the same time slot. Fast forward to 2020. There’s a pandemic. Everything is shut down. There’s much more time to binge TV shows. I’m not a binger, but I decide to check out The Office on Netflix, and am immediately hooked. I can’t believe what I was missing all those years. Having worked in office environments it seemed familiar, only with the wackiness turned up to 11. I can’t say that I’ve ever had a boss exactly like Michael Scott, but recognized bits & pieces of former bosses in him. I’m a sucker for a good romance, especially when unrequited love is actually returned (which never happens in real life), so I was really rooting for Jim & Pam. It took me awhile to warm up to oddball Dwight Schrute, but the humor eventually clicked for me. Here’s the cool thing…unlike my childhood when I had to rely on random reruns popping up on television, now I’m able to rewatch whatever episode I want whenever I choose as often as I like. That’s the true power of streaming. The Office has now moved to Peacock, and traditional reruns do air on Comedy Central & Freeform. I am sure I’m in good company when I say I’ve watched all 200 episodes multiple times. The downside to streaming is that I really don’t give new TV shows a fair chance because I am endlessly entertained by old stuff I’ve watched over & over for years, which is a nice option. I am convinced that someday The Office will be rebooted, and I’d probably give that a whirl. Unfortunately, for various reasons, I don’t think it could ever live up to its predecessor. It may have taken me a decade to catch up with what I missed, but I’m so glad I did. Thanks to the Dunder-Mifflin crew & the folks in Scranton, PA. Think of this as one final Dundie-seque pat on the back for a job well done.
After bleaching his hair Pete Davidson has nothing else better to do so we’ve asked him to present the next award. And the nominees are:
Most Overused Word
Hate
Just because it’s an opinion or worldview that disagrees with yours doesn’t mean it’s hate. Take a chill pill.
Privilege
Are there people that have “privilege” due to their station in life?? Sure. But not as many as you think, and certainly not because of their skin color. I am a white male, and trust me…if you knew the things I’ve dealt with in my life & what I have overcome you’d understand why I have an issue being thought of as privileged by anybody.
Cisgender
I think you mean normal 🤔.
Ableist
I am disabled. I was born with spina bifida and have used a wheelchair my entire life. However, I laugh at stupid buzzwords. I have probably experienced ableism as much as anyone, but never felt the need to attach a cutesy label to it. Isn’t the term discrimination good enough??
Disinformation
Define it. Go ahead…you can’t. Again, just because someone provides a different perspective or a viewpoint with which you disagree doesn’t make them automatically dishonest or wrong. How many “conspiracy theories” have been proven right in the past year?? Elon Musk is still busy exposing lies, coverups, deceit, coercion, and censorship by some of the individuals who were screaming “disinformation” the loudest. It’s becoming harder & harder to trust anything we’re told by government officials or the media, in part because they get angrier as more of their lies are uncovered with each passing day.
Cringe
If you’re watching an old TV show or movie and using this word to describe it please just sit down & shut your yapper. Everything is a product of its time. Societal norms evolve, so what was acceptable 20 years ago or 50 years ago might not be looked at the same way now. That’s cool. Just move on.
Patriarchy
How do so many women who openly hate men end up in serious relationships?? Why would I date you if you are offended that I’m a man?? Look, I get it. Minorities…including women…have been treated unfairly. But ladies… it’s the 21st century. You’re free!! You can do anything you want. No one is making you stay in a loveless marriage & pop out 15 babies while your man goes out & earns a living. You don’t have to spend the best years of your life barefoot & pregnant, slaving away in a hot kitchen being subservient. Women are smart. Women are beautiful. Women can do anything they damn well please. There isn’t a secret committee of (white…probably) guys sitting around figuring out ways to ruin your life.
Inclusion
It doesn’t mean what you think it means. It sounds awesome on the surface. Everyone wants to be included, right?? Sadly though, life isn’t fair, and overt attempts to force entities to “even the playing field” often backfire. For me it’s simple…most things should be a meritocracy. You earn what you get, and the best & brightest rise thru the ranks. Managers should hire the best person for the job. Scholarships should be given to the best students. Quotas are discriminatory. I don’t believe the “everybody gets a trophy” mentality works in the long run. It inadvertently makes people weak & lazy. I am not suggesting we shouldn’t lend a helping hand or allow someone in need to lean on a generous shoulder. I am simply suggesting that the old maxim about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions shouldn’t be ignored. The best way to include people is to teach them how to achieve success & earn everything they have.
and the Sammy goes to…..
All of Them. We’ve become a society that enjoys creating a buzzword for everything. When you add that to a society that goes out of our way to be offended it’s a bad combination. Can’t we all just get along?? We keep letting the powers-that-be divide us, and they are laughing all the way to the bank.
Okay, Pete Davidson has gotten way too comfortable & won’t leave. I’m pretty sure he was acting inappropriately in a gender neutral restroom a few minutes ago. We don’t want any trouble, so we’re just going to allow Pete to hand out one more award. And the nominees are:
Favorite Viral Videos
Definitely Not Gourmet
Bartender Skyy John has redeemed himself. His Tipsy Bartender videos eliminated the godawful music that cost him this award a year ago, and now there’s a lady with a charming British accent holding the camera & offering an occasional comment or question. That being said, I like to eat much more than I like to drink, so I have become intrigued by Skyy’s other videos, in which he cooks tasty vittles that he calls “dumb but delicious”.
Men with the Pot
I discovered the proper terminology: ASMR, which means “autonomous sensory meridian response”. More specifically it is the tingling sensation some experience when listening to certain audio stimuli. Last year, while giving this award to these videos, I described them as being filled with sounds like “veggies being chopped, meat sizzling in an iron skillet, the gentle flow of a babbling brook, and the lovely chirping of birds”, only I didn’t know that had a name. To be honest I haven’t watched as many of the videos as I did in 2021, but they’re still out there.
State of Mind
General Hospital actor Maurice Bernard has been open about his bipolar disorder, and he hosts a podcast in which his friends & colleagues sit down for a conversation about their own mental health struggles. It’s informative, not too heavy, and the kind of discussion we should be more comfortable having with our loved ones.
Tucker Carlson
I still haven’t run across anyone that comes close to replacing my man Rush Limbaugh, although that’s probably because sociopolitical debates now leave a bad taste in my mouth. Occasionally though my itch needs scratched, and short clips of Carlson’s soliloquies do the trick.
Louder with Crowder
I actually need to watch Crowder’s podcast more often this year. He’s part commentator, part comedian, so he presents things in a more lighthearted, humorously sarcastic way. Much like Carlson I don’t think I have the interest level to hang for an entire show, but I could stand a bit more.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Definitely Not Gourmet. I wonder how Tipsy Bartender would feel about defeating himself?? Although I guess technically he didn’t since the bartending videos weren’t even nominated this time. Again, let me re-emphasize, that’s the personal choice of someone who enjoys food more than booze. He makes things like bacon sushi, breakfast pizza, giant pancake burgers, and all kinds of crazy desserts. Have I ever made any of the recipes I’ve seen?? No, cause that’s how I roll. But atleast the videos are fun to watch.
This seems like a good time to pause once again. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2022 Sammy Awards!!
So…do I believe there was all sorts of chicanery involved in the 2020 Presidential Election?? Hell yes. I’m not much on conspiracy theories, but I have zero doubt that The Left’s virulent hatred for President Trump led them to hatch a nefarious plot a few years ago, a plan they executed well enough. How did the global pandemic play into it?? I’m not sure. Was it simply a convenient disaster that they were smart enough to take advantage of…or is the truth even more sinister?? Who knows?? We’ll probably never get the real story, and I’m not the kind of person who will lose sleep or drive myself mad focusing on the whole deal. I’m certainly not the protest/riot type. I will just continue to quietly go about my business and lead my boring little life, enjoying what I can when I am able to do so. I certainly have some thoughts about America’s future under a new administration. Perhaps I’ll express those opinions…or maybe I won’t. Let’s just say that I have some level of concern about what is going to happen, but I don’t feel like it would be wise or productive to dwell in a place of negativity. My faith is bigger than my politics, and I have learned to embrace a “one day at a time” mindset.
Okay, so…y’all know I’m not above borrowing a concept I’ve seen on social media and putting my own special spin on it for The Manoverse. This time the inspiration comes not from Pinterest but from Facebook. A former co-worker of mine posted it, and basically one is supposed to just indicate which of these television shows we’ve seen more than ten episodes of with a lil heart emoji. That’s a cool idea, but I think I can improve upon it with pithy comments and my own unique wit. I don’t watch as much television as I used to, and this exercise not only proves that but shows exactly why. Enjoy.
But then came one of the worst final episodes in television history. After finally meeting The Mother (portrayed by the enchanting Cristin Milioti) toward the end of the series we are given a quick fast forward with the highlights of Ted & Tracy’s relationship, ultimately finding out that in the “present” day of 2030 (when the framing device is set) The Mother is dead and Ted is ready to revisit his long dormant relationship with former flame Robin. Oh yes…Robin. HIMYM spent the last few seasons building up an unlikely romance & eventual marriage between Robin and lecherous Barney Stinson, only to throw it all away in a “blink & you’ll miss it” hot second in the finale. All the character growth that we experienced with Barney is flippantly discarded when Barney & Robin divorce and he embarks on a quest to sleep with 31 women in the space of a month, a plan that goes awry when the final conquest gets pregnant. Look, I’m a sucker for happy endings, but I also know that life doesn’t work like that. To some degree I almost understand what the show’s creators were going for. My father always says that death is part of life, so writing that aspect into the show would be understandable…except for the fact that HIMYM is a freakin’ half hour sitcom. We don’t need deep & meaningful. Just give us our damn happy ending…Ted & Tracy and Barney & Robin all live happily ever after. But nnnnooooooo…they couldn’t do that!! I swore in the immediate aftermath of the finale in 2014 that I would never watch a rerun of the show, and for six years I’ve kept that vow.
Phoenix, all directed by Ron Howard. It was a good flick that garnered two Academy Award nominations: Best Song (Randy Newman) and Best Supporting Actress (Dianne Wiest). In 1990 Parenthood was adapted for television with the same characters but a whole new cast, including David Arquette, Ed Begley Jr., Thora Birch, & a young Leonardo DiCaprio (portraying the character played by Phoenix in the film). That show only lasted for one season, which is a shame because it wasn’t bad. Then in 2010 NBC decided to revive the general concept of Parenthood, albeit with a whole new set of characters and a more 21st century angsty kind of vibe. I really liked the original film, and enjoyed the first TV show, but by the time the second show came about I was almost 40 years old and not all that entertained by angst anymore. I have enough anxiety & torment in my real life…I’m not amused by it in movies or on television. The cast (Craig T. Nelson, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter, Peter Krause, Lauren Graham) was terrific, and I did watch a few episodes in the course of six seasons, but it was never something I was going to invest in completely.
traditional format. In the past decade we’ve seen the rise of single camera sitcoms, meaning there is no live audience or laugh track. Since I came of age with multi-cams as the norm that’s what I’m used to. I need a live audience and/or a laugh track. I have had a difficult time adjusting to single camera sitcoms and oftentimes reject such programs right out of the box. Perhaps I need to be a bit more flexible, but I’m just being honest about my experience up until now. It is for these reasons that I never even gave The Office a second thought when it premiered in 2005. I adore the 1999 cult film Office Space, so The Office would seem to be right in my wheelhouse, but I never gave it a chance. However, a few things happened in the ensuing years. Steve Carell became a movie star in films that I rather enjoy. Other stars of The Office went on to have solid careers in movies & television…folks like Jenna Fischer, Ed Helms, & John Krasinski. Internet memes became a thing, many of them featuring characters from The Office. Friends & family began making references related to the show. And now…finally…nearly seven years after it ended its run on NBC, I have begun watching reruns on Netflix.
riveting. The show was well-written with a top notch cast. I’ve had a Mandy Moore fetish for many years. Back in the day my friend Stacy would call me whenever A Walk to Remember was on television and I was usually already watching it. At any rate, something happened in the fall of 2018. This Is Us began a story arc about Jack’s tour of duty in Vietnam, and I decided to change the channel to WWE Smackdown. I DVRed This Is Us and told myself I’d catch up eventually, but before long I had about a dozen episodes recorded and knew I wasn’t going to invest that much time in getting up to speed, so I just decided I was no longer interested in the show. Perhaps someday I’ll revisit it.
The Manofesto 