Month: December 2012

The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 3: From Appalachia With Love

Welcome back to Part 3 of the 2012 Sammys. I hope you have enjoyed Part 1 and Part 2 and will join us in the next day or so for the exciting conclusion. For now though we re-join our host Clint Eastwood and continue with the show.

To present our next award The Manofesto is thrilled to reunite the cast of the vastly underrated 90’s sitcom Boy Meets World. Please give a warm welcome to Ben Savage, Rider Strong, Danielle Fishel, William Daniels, & Will Friedle. And the nominees are:

Best TV Show

Mike & Mike in the Morning

The two time defending Sammy Award winners just keep plugging along. I think I described this as “comfort food TV” last year, and that characterization remains accurate. I love coming home from work every morning, giving lovins’ to my boy Rocco, having a nice breakfast, and settling down to watch Greeny & Golic do their thing. If you are a sports fan and you’re not watching this show then you are totally missing out.

Pardon the Interruption

Just like The Mikes do their thing every morning Michael Wilbon & the crotchety yet loveable Tony Kornheiser debate the sports issues du jour every evening at 5pm, albeit for only a half hour as compared to the 4 hour marathon that their compadres produce. These guys are not only entertaining but they are smart. Few television shows nowadays compel me to stop whatever I am doing and watch…this is one of the few.

The Big Bang Theory

I grew up in an era of incredibly entertaining sitcoms like The Cosby Show, Cheers, Happy Days, & Night Court. My tastes lean toward well written, intelligent, yet traditional & comfortable comedy. I need multiple cameras, a live audience, and a laugh track. Big Bang suits my fancy on all accounts. It is an old-fashioned sitcom that is smart, funny, edgy without being vulgar, and consistent in its quality. Not only do I do my best to keep up with first run episodes, but TBS now shows all the reruns so it’s a show I catch frequently.

How I Met Your Mother

It is amazing to me that a show built around one simple idea…the story of how one man eventually meets the mother of his children…has been able to successfully string along the audience without resolving the central question for 7 years yet few seem to mind. Neil Patrick Harris & Jason Segal are bona fide stars, and the writing remains superb. This is one of the very few network TV shows that has been able to hold my interest for any length of time.

NFL Redzone

I am not sure whether it’s a show or a channel. All I know is that in 2012, a few weeks into the football season, Time-Warner Cable finally brought the NFL Network to my area and this is its companion offering. I have thoroughly enjoyed coming home from church each Sunday afternoon and immersing myself in football for the next several hours. I have always done that to a degree, but now instead of being stuck with only a couple of games I get to see all of the most notable action in each & every NFL matchup. It is sensational, and whoever came up with the concept deserves to have some sort of statue carved in their honor.

American Restoration

Like many Americans I have embraced the growing trend of original programming on cable channels as the old network system continues to wither on the vine. I am convinced that the overall quality of what’s on television has diminished in comparison to my childhood, but the fact that there are many many more channels helps to offset the drift toward inane “reality” TV and the increase in violence, sexuality, & general depravity. Now I suppose this is technically a reality show, but it isn’t like the craptastic stuff the masses usually embrace (The Bachelor, Real Housewives, Breaking Amish, etc.). When one watches American Restoration one might actually learn something. That’s a concept I can dig.

Dan Lebatard Is Highly Questionable

I feel sorry for Lebatard, a Miami sportswriter who first came to my attention when he used to fill in occasionally on PTI. He was given his own show, but ESPN kind of treats it like a bastard stepchild. It’s usually on at 4:30pm, but is often pre-empted or moved around on the schedule. That’s too bad because it’s a really fun & quirky program. Dan’s co-host is his elderly Cuban father, who I absolutely adore. He reminds me just a little bit of my late grandfather. If you’ve checked out ESPN’s other shows but somehow missed this one (understandable given its nomadic scheduling) I urge you to give it a whirl.

American Pickers

The History Channel airs a lot of stupid stuff that I don’t really like and has nothing much to do with history (Life After People?? Really??), but when they get it right they do it quite well. American Pickers satiates one’s inner pack rat without the hassle of actually filling your house with junk you don’t need. Anyone who enjoys going antiquing or trolling yard sales every summer can appreciate the peculiar charm this show offers.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Mike & Mike. It’s an unprecedented 3^rd consecutive Sammy for Greeny & Golic!! This show just never gets old. It’s fun, informative, and amiable. The guys have a good time but know when to tone it down and be serious as circumstances dictate. They lost some points on Halloween when they dressed up like that ridiculous Gangnam Style guy & his weird sidekick (they even did a parody video), but I am willing to overlook that one indiscretion (unlike a certain late night talker who Slow Jammed the News with Obama….a misstep that cost him a Sammy nomination). I like Golic so much that he’s even got me pulling for Notre Dame in the National Championship Game. I didn’t know there was any kind of voodoo in the world to even make that possible.

There’s always time for good music, so please enjoy a brief interlude by two artists that span the generations. Singing a duet of the Wilson Pickett classic In the Midnight Hour welcome to the stage legendary rocker Rod Stewart and American Idol winner Phillip Phillips.

To present our next award it is an honor for The Manofesto to welcome the former star of Cheers & Frasier, Emmy award winning actor Kelsey Grammer, and award winning actor, comedian, writer, and talk show host Dennis Miller. And the nominees are:

The Rosie O’Donnell Memorial Just Go Away Award

Tim Tebow

I’m probably going to catch some flak for this one, but I don’t care. Hasn’t Tebow gotten the message yet?? No one outside of ESPN’s resident buffoon Skip Bayless seriously believes that he can play QB in the NFL. The NY Jets obviously brought him in for a publicity stunt. They did get a ton of publicity in 2012, but for all the wrong reasons. Look, I’ve stated numerous times that I am sure Tebow is a nice guy. Is he a bit of a phony?? Probably, but aren’t we all?? Nevertheless, the circus needs to end and he needs to move on to whatever he is really meant to do with his life.

Roseanne Barr

Rarely is a person nominated for 2 Sammys in a single year. As a matter of fact I am pretty sure it’s never happened, although I am far too languid to do the necessary research. Anyway, suffice to say that Roseanne is an idiot and has been for years. She’s not funny, she has no class, and she’s wrong about just about everything she decides to spout off about.

Lindsay Lohan

Has this crack whore hit bottom yet?? Sadly I don’t believe she has. I’ve heard that her latest project, a Lifetime (television for women) movie called Liz & Dick in which The Hohan portrays Elizabeth Taylor, is hilariously bad. This is a gal that many once believed could be the next Meryl Streep. It is sad how all that potential has been completely wasted.

Taylor Swift

I’m not a real big fan of country music, but I don’t hate it. But compare a classy country artist…maybe Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride…to this kid and you’ll quickly realize that it’s like comparing fine scotch to cheap wine coolers. Have you ever listened to one of her interviews?? She is 23 going on 13. This immaturity has begun to noticeably bleed into her songs. Shouldn’t it be going in the other direction?? Shouldn’t her work become better & more refined as she gets older?? There’s also the matter of her personal life, which has become a national joke. I saw a quote somewhere that said that “this young woman doesn’t date…she trolls for potential lyrics to future songs”. There was also a Facebook meme that said something to the effect that one of Taylor Swift’s exes should write a song titled Maybe You’re the Problem. I think what Ms. Swift needs to do is go off the grid for a few years and come back when she’s gotten a little more life experience and can manage to be less annoying.

Kristen Stewart

I’ve never read Twilight and I never will. I’ve never seen the movies and have no intention of doing so. I suppose that disinterest is why I am sick to death of hearing about this human blank page. She’s got the charm & personality of rice cakes. For God’s sake you are rich, famous, & successful at the tender age of 22…can you atleast pretend to enjoy it rather than constantly looking like you are in the midst of a root canal & really have to take a dump??

Justin Bieber

Do I really need to explain?? Look, I know most teenage girls & senile grandmas think this kid is cool. I am not an teeny bopper or a granny though, so I think he’s a douchebag.

Dwight Howard

Has there been a bigger whiny little bitch in sports the past year?? He wanted out of Orlando, then he didn’t. He wanted to be traded, then he agreed to stay. He got Orlando Magic coach Stan van Gundy fired and still wanted out. Now he’s an LA Laker and they are mediocre at best. I am starting to fondly recall the good ol’ days of Shaquille O’Neal in comparison.

Piers Morgan

Roseanne Barr has some company. As you may recall Piers earlier won the Assclown of the Year Award, so I am sure he’d be quite proud of this daily double. Here’s the funny thing…he might actually go away…literally. Not only is there a legitimate petition to have him deported, but the man himself has stated that if more gun control legislation isn’t passed he may voluntarily leave of his own volition. That’d be fine by me.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Y’all know the drill by now, right?? It’s a TIE!! None of these people add anything of substance to our culture. They are all just a big ol’ waste of time. Take heart America…past nominees/winners of this award have included the likes of Jersey Shore (which just ended), Bret Favre (who finally retired for good in 2010), Twilight (which is finally o-v-e-r), and Heidi & Spencer (Remember them?? Probably not), so there is always hope.

We are so glad that for the 2^nd year in a row the man for whom the next award was named can be here to present it. Please welcome one of the all-time great professional basketball players and current analyst for TNT’s Inside the NBA, Mr. Charles Barkley. And the nominees are:

The Charles Barkley Memorial Role Model Award

Eric LeGrand

On October 16, 2010 Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand made a tackle that would change his life forever. LeGrand was paralyzed from the neck down. I am a paraplegic myself but have always felt fortunate that it happened at birth rather than as a result of an accident when I was older. My life is the way it has always been and I know no other reality. To be able-bodied and have that suddenly change has to be traumatic. I have met people in that situation in my life, and oftentimes they are bitter, disillusioned, and angry at God. I completely understand that reaction. However, there is another way, and LeGrand has chosen that path. He has become an inspiration to millions who have heard his story. He has not shrunk into the background. He continues to live a full & satisfying life and work toward recovery. It is my understanding that he has regained some sensation & movement. At this year’s ESPY Awards LeGrand stated his belief that he would walk again and his intention, when that day comes, to return to the the field where he was injured, go to the exact spot, lay down, and then get up & walk off the field like he was unable to do on that horrible autumn day.

Dan Cathy & Mike Huckabee

The Chick-Fil-A controversy was obviously a big story in 2012. It all started last summer with a couple of interviews in which Cathy, the company’s CEO & son of its founder, espoused his & the company’s support of Biblical principles & “the biblical definition of the family unit”. Those statements created a firestorm of controversy stirred by the leftist, God hating, alternative lifestyles crowd. There were threats, there were boycotts, there were petitions…predictable reactions from what my man Rush Limbaugh refers to as “phony baloney plastic banana good time rock n’ rollers”. However, this time Christian conservatives fought back. Former Arkansas governor & 2008 presidential candidate Mike Huckabee organized Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day and on Wednesday August 1^st the masses turned out in droves. I know the parking lot was packed and the drive thru line longer than I’ve ever seen it at my local restaurant, and my friend The Owl reported similar activity from his base in Columbus, OH. I am sure the business enjoyed a healthy bottom line, but that’s not really what it’s all about. Kudos to Cathy for standing by his values & running a first-class operation, and to Huckabee for doing what more Christians need to do…find a way to fight back that is tasteful, intelligent, peaceful, and examples Christ.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker

After having been duly elected thru the democratic process in 2010 Gov. Walker was forced to endure a recall election in 2012 after less than a year in office. His crime?? He pissed off the unions in Wisconsin while trying to instill some fiscal responsibility to his state. Fortunately for Wisconsin Walker endured & won the recall. We need more public servants like Walker who are willing to tighten the belt, say no, and make a good faith effort to be proper stewards of that with which they have been entrusted.

Pat Summitt

I am not a big fan of women’s basketball or any other women’s sport. I guess maybe some would call that sexist. Maybe it is. At any rate, that being said, even a non-fan like me knows about the dominance of the University of Tennessee & their coach Pat Summitt. Between 1987 & 2008 Summitt led the Lady Volunteers to 8 national championships. Over the course of 38 years she became the all time winningest NCAA basketball coach, surpassing even the best men’s coaches like Duke’s Coach K., UCLA legend John Wooden, and Bobby Knight. In 2011 she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, but continued coaching. In 2012 she stepped down and let someone else take over. She didn’t have to…no one forced her to. But Pat Summitt knew it was the right thing to do…for her health and for the long term success of the program that she’d built. She has handled herself & the situation with grace & class. I do not know the current state of her health, but I wish Pat Summitt all of the favor & blessings that God may see fit to bestow.

Felix Baumgartner

On October 14^th the 43 year old Austrian daredevil set multiple world records when he skydived from 24 miles up into the Earth’s stratosphere, becoming the first person to break the sound barrier without vehicular power in the process. Why’d he do it?? I don’t know. All I do know is that it was pretty freakin’ cool and an amazing feat.

Angus T. Jones

I do not watch Two & a Half Men. It comes on at 9pm on Monday nights, and nothing is going to tear me away from my pro wrestling. I’ve seen a few episodes here & there over the years, enough to know that Jones portrays the “half man”, the son of the character played by Jon Cryer (otherwise known as Matthew Broderick Light in the 80’s). A few months ago the 19 year old Jones, who apparently had been born again recently, expressed refreshing honesty about the program on which he appears when he said that it was “filth” and encouraged people to stop watching. Now there are some that have called Jones unprofessional & hypocritical, pointing out that he is biting the hand that feeds him & also still cashing those paychecks since he hasn’t quit his job just yet. Those are valid arguments. However, I choose to blame the admittedly clumsy way in which the young man handled the issue on his youth. He’ll learn to approach situations with more elegance & finesse as he matures. I would rather focus on the fact that The Lord has a new soldier in His army that is beginning to recognize some basic truths about life. I wish young Mr. Jones nothing but success in whatever pursuits he may decide upon in the future and sincerely hope he continues on the path of faith.

Howard Cooper

Who?? Yes, I know…you’ve never heard of him. Well not everyone worthy of our praise is a celebrity. Cooper is an 83 year old Michigan man who owned an auto dealership until last spring. Upon his retirement he decided to thank his 89 employees in a very practical…and generous…way. Cooper gave each employee $1000…for every year of service they’d given the business, which opened 47 years ago. In other words, anyone who’d been with Mr. Cooper since the beginning received a check for $46,000. Someone who’d only been around half that time received a still handsome sum of $23K. He had also insisted that the business who’d bought him out retain each employee as a condition of the sale. The total sum of these gifts is unknown, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the world would be a much better place if every boss was as thoughtful as Mr. Cooper and cared about their security as much as him. Kudos to Howard Cooper. Well played sir.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Eric LeGrand. Maybe I am a bit biased since I myself am in a wheelchair. I hope that LeGrand is able to someday walk again, and I would love to see him fulfill his dream of walking off the same field that he once left on a stretcher. Only God knows if that will actually happen, but in the meantime I am sure he will keep working, stay active, and show the world that a disability is not a death sentence. In May the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (now coached by former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano) signed LeGrand to an NFL contract, which was a damn fine gesture on their part. In July LeGrand officially “retired” so as not to take up a roster spot…an equally classy move.

This seems like the appropriate place to take another break. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

Mike & Mike’s Gangnam Style Parody [VIDEO] (1045theteam.com)
Josh Duhamel Takes to Twitter to Defend Tim Tebow from Merril Hoge (bleacherreport.com)
Former NFL Players Encourage Football Fans To Tackle Game-Time Hunger With Heart-Healthy Snacks (sys-con.com)
ESPN Talking Head Trashes Tim Tebow Again, Calling Him ‘Phony’ (businessinsider.com)
Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel Join Boy Meets World Spin-Off Pilot (seattlepi.com)
‘Boy Meets World’ Sequel Series In The Works On Disney Channel (hollywoodlife.com)
‘Boy Meets World’ spinoff in the works (boston.com)

2012 Pigskin Picks of Profundity…..Week 16

And now the end is near, and so I face the final week of the NFL regular season. Regrets?? I have a few…a few too many to mention. One thing I know for certain is that my career in the prognostication arts is pretty much dead in the water. After going 1-6 last week…my worst week thus far…my overall record stands at 43-67-1. I honestly thought my skills would improve over the course of the season, but I was wrong even about that. At any rate I am already looking forward to next season when I am pretty sure my eldest nephew Zach will be joining me in making picks. He’s a busy college student with an actual life so that plan could change. I’m going to try to finish strong because since my fantasy season is already over and the Steelers are out of the playoffs this is the only motivation for me to pay much attention to football this weekend.

Houston (-6.5) at Indianapolis

Both clubs are going to the playoffs, but home field or atleast a first round bye is on the line for the Texans, who really stunk it up last week against the Minnesota Vikings. The game is in Indy and really the pressure is off rookie QB Andrew Luck because they have already secured a playoff spot. Colts’ coach Chuck Pagano will make an undoubtedly emotional return to the sidelines after missing most of the season due to undergoing cancer treatments. I am a sucker for a nice story, and an Indianapolis victory would certainly be that (as well as soften the blow of a probable first round exit), so I’ll go with Indy.

Chicago (-3) at Detroit

Bottom line…the Bears must win this game to atleast have a shot at the playoffs. Meanwhile, the Lions are in the midst of a 7 game skid and have been a huge disappointment this season. I’d love to be able to pick Detroit, and it would not shock anyone if they won, but logic dictates that Chicago be the choice here, even if the NFL is often as illogical as anything out there.

NY Jets at Buffalo (-3.5)

Who the hell is playing QB for the Jets this week?? I have not only lost track but I have lost interest. Neither team is going anywhere near the playoffs unless they buy a ticket, but they are playing for NFL Draft position even if that is something that no one will dare mention for obvious reasons. The Bills are at home and know who their QB is even if he isn’t very good, so that’s the pick.

Philadelphia at NY Giants (-6.5)

This will probably be the last game for Andy Reid as the Eagles’ head coach. The Giants can still make the playoffs with a victory, although they’d also need both the Dallas Cowboys & Chicago Bears to lose. Not impossible but a lot to ask for. I keep picking the Giants and they keep letting me down, so let’s go with a bit of a twist. I think it likely that New York wins the game, but a valiant effort by Philadelphia means it’s closer than a touchdown so the Eagles are the pick.

St. Louis at Seattle (-11)

The red hot Seahawks could actually win their division with a victory coupled with a 49ers loss. That would obviously affect playoff seeding. Meanwhile, the Rams have shown flashes of something positive here & there this season but will nevertheless finish mired in mediocrity. I see no reason to go against Seattle at this point except for the huge point spread, which gives me pause. I think Seattle probably wins but not by double digits, making St. Louis the pick.

Green Bay (-3.5) at Minnesota

The Packers are in the playoffs but are still on the prowl for a first round bye. Minnesota is in with a win & likely on the outside looking in with a loss. I’d love to pick the Vikings (purple is one of my favorite colors), but Green Bay is on a roll right now and has looked rather unstoppable. As much as I dig a good underdog story I think this is a case where the favorites easily dominate.

Dallas at Washington (-3.5)

Wow…when was the last time a Cowboys-Redskins game actually meant something?? Washington has been given the nominal nod by the folks in Vegas because of the home field, but otherwise this is essentially a toss-up. Can Dallas QB Tony Romo finally win a big game?? Can anyone stop rookie sensation RGIII?? I think it is technically possible that both teams could make the playoffs (analyzing playoff scenarios is like doing calculus with a hangover AND a high fever), but for the sake of simplicity let’s just assume that the winner is in and the loser goes home. I am certain that, despite the Cowboys’ claim of being America’s Team, TV ratings & public interest would be far better served with a Redskins playoff berth. I know that as a lifelong quasi-hater of the Cowboys I wouldn’t mind seeing them lose. Washington is riding a 6 game winning streak. So what does that all add up to?? Unfortunately The Voices are telling me it probably means a Dallas victory, and as y’all know I always listen to The Voices.

This Is It (nfl.si.com)
NFL Playoff Predictions 2013: Assessing Each Wild-Card Team’s Super Bowl Odds (bleacherreport.com)
Now Or Never (m.si.com)

The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 2: Eclipsing the Old Moon

Welcome to Part 2 of the 2012 Sammy Awards. If you have not already done so please check out Part 1.

After another brief & entertaining tirade by our curmudgeonly yet loveable host Clint Eastwood it is time for our next award. The Manofesto is proud to introduce a man who not only captured our hearts at the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal by winning a gold medal for the decathlon, but who also knows a whole lot about intellectually vacant, narcissistic, completely useless morons since he is related to a bunch of them. Please welcome to the stage Bruce Jenner. And the nominees are:

Assclown of the Year

Roseanne Barr

I’ve never liked Roseanne Barr. Her comedy act was grating, and her 1990’s sitcom was low rent rubbish. However, in 2012 she took her antics to a whole new level. When she announced on The Tonight Show that she was running for President of the United States I assumed it was a joke. Unfortunately it wasn’t. She ran, and sadly received over 61,000 votes. During the course of her “campaign” Barr said several outlandish things, including tweeting that anyone who eats at Chick-Fil-A deserves to get cancer. She also used Twitter to publish the home address of the parents of George Zimmerman, the alleged shooter in the Trayvon Martin case, and accused billionaires of being pedophiles & cocaine addicts. In addition, Barr is apparently an anti-Semitic Jew, which is like being a homophobic lesbian or an African-American white supremacist.

MSNBC

Yes, that’s right…the entire network. Look, I don’t care that they make no effort to hide their bias. Fox News obviously caters to a decidedly conservative audience, so I have no problem with a channel aimed at liberals. But what I do have an issue with is stupidity. Almost the entire lineup of “personalities” on this cancer of cable TV are histrionic blowhards who accuse their opponents of racism at every turn. With a roster of guys like Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, Rev. Al Sharpton, and Ed Schultz it’s no wonder that MSNBC’s ratings lag far behind Fox News.

Ozzie Guillen

On April 4^th the Miami Marlins christened a brand new ball park with a 4-1 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals. The loss didn’t matter all that much though, as this was a fresh start for the beleaguered Marlins…new name, new ballpark, and a brand new manager – the always colorful Ozzie Guillen. Unfortunately that same week, in an interview for Time Magazine, Guillen pronounced his love, admiration, & respect for Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. That’s right…the manager of the Miami Marlins said that he loves Fidel Castro. Let that sink in for a minute. It certainly isn’t the first nutty thing that the man has said or done, but as it turns out it was career suicide…atleast for now. The rocky start to the season never quite corrected itself and after finishing in last place with a 69-93 record the Marlins’ brass relieved Guillen of his duties. I strongly suspect that without that singularly stupid remark he would have atleast been given another year to right the ship. As it stands Guillen is currently unemployed and somewhere out there a certain Mr. Osbourne is relieved to no longer be the wackiest Ozzy in the world.

VP Joe Biden

Do I really need to go into detail?? It’s freakin’ Joe Biden. He’s been proving himself to be a jackass for many years. I am firmly convinced that one reason Obama chose Biden as a running mate 4 years ago was so that he’d look intelligent by comparison.

Rob Parker

Citizens of The Manoverse know of my abiding affection for ESPN’s slate of sports talk shows. The one exception over the years has been their 10am-Noon program First Take. The usual source of my contempt is pompous windbag Skip Bayless, but he has escaped my wrath this time. The honor this year goes to fill-in guest debater Rob Parker from Detroit. Parker can be controversial & abrasive, and is one of those “reverse racists” whose contempt for white folks can barely be contained. Just a few weeks ago, while discussing Washington Redskins’ QB Robert Griffin III (First Take’s other favorite son after the nearly played out Tim Tebow), Parker called into question the authenticity of RGIII’s blackness, calling him “kind of black” & a “cornball brother” and saying he wasn’t “down with the cause” and “not one of us” because he has a white girlfriend and might be a Republican. Here’s my question – what cause?? It’s 2012, not 1952. I am just an ol’ country boy from the hills of West Virginia, so I am not one who can offer expert commentary on race relations in modern American society. I treat people how they treat me, regardless of their race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or favorite sports teams. So even if you love Notre Dame, the NY Yankees, or the Baltimore Ravens I’m still cool with you if you’re cool with me. Isn’t that the way all grown-ups should treat one another?? Parker’s comments make it clear that he is the racist in this particular situation.

Sandra Fluke

Ms. Fluke is the Georgetown University law student who testified before a Congressional committee that the tab for her birth control during law school ran about $3000. This statement was lampooned by The Godfather of Conservatism and the King of Talk Radio Rush Limbaugh, who opined that if Ms. Fluke was spending that much on birth control she must be a slut. I want to make it clear that I am well aware that there are women who need contraceptive medications for legitimate female health issues, but it is also my understanding that Ms. Fluke never said directly that she needed them for that purpose. Therefore Mr. Limbaugh’s supposition is logical, even if it could have been stated in a more gallant & gracious fashion. The bottom line is that so many people in America these days wallow in the victim mentality & spend their lives with their hand out looking for somebody else to pay their freight that a person going before Congress…a body that seems like it’d have some rather vital issues to tackle…and implying that taxpayers should bear the financial burden of her “private” activities just seemed wrong on multiple levels.

Rahm Emanuel & Thomas Menino

In the wake of the Chick-Fil-A controversy Menino, the mayor of Boston, publically stated that he was going to prevent any of their restaurants from opening in his city. I guess his liberal agenda means more to him than job growth & the economic well-being of his city. Meanwhile in Chicago, Emanuel…President Obama’s former Chief of Staff and now Mayor of The Windy City…echoed the sentiment and said that Chick-Fil-A “did not represent Chicago values”. What exactly does that mean?? If it means that Chick-Fil-A doesn’t engage in mafia style tactics or lie, cheat, & steal to accomplish its goals then maybe it was a compliment, but I doubt if that’s what he meant.

Bobby Petrino

One of the most indelible images of 2012 is Petrino, after having been in a motorcycle accident, participating in a post-practice press conference wearing a neck brace with his face all ruddy & stoved up. Shortly thereafter it would come to light that he’d had a woman on the bike with him, that he was having an affair with her, and that she worked for the University of Arkansas’s athletic department because Petrino had gotten her the gig. So here is a man who cheated on his wife, used his influence to get his mistress a job, and then had the whole mess exposed in just about the dumbest way possible. Arkansas fired Petrino, who has had past run-ins with idiocy. This is the guy who ditched the Louisville Cardinals in 2006…just six months after signing a 10 year contract…to jump to the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons only to abruptly leave them before the end of his first season to take the job at Arkansas. Sadly Petrino is a good football coach so he is getting another opportunity, this time at Western Kentucky. If he wins enough games his complete lack of judgment and disrespect for the bond of holy matrimony will be forgotten by most everyone…probably even his wife.

DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Really Democrat Party?? You couldn’t find a better person to lead & represent your organization than this embarrassment?? I have always said that I may not agree with a person’s opinion but am more than happy to have a philosophical discussion with someone as long as they present a thoughtful & intelligent defense of their beliefs. This is not a person that seems to be capable of accomplishing that ideal. She was on television a-l-o-t this past year, and every time I see her I have to convince myself that it’s not some ill-conceived, unfunny SNL sketch.

Bob Costas & Jason Whitlock

Earlier this month tragedy struck the NFL as Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend then drove to the Chiefs’ practice facility and shot himself in front of team coaches & executives. It’s a very sad story the likes of which have become all too familiar in 21^st century America. However, what makes these types of stories worse is when the media use such a tragedy to pontificate about their own beliefs and promote their particular sociopolitical agenda. Whitlock is a sports writer for FoxSports.com, with a resume that includes previous gigs with ESPN and various newspapers & radio stations. Following the Belcher murder-suicide he penned an article saying that if Belcher didn’t own a gun both he & his girlfriend would still be alive and also called the NRA the new KKK. I guess Mr. Whitlock has never heard of knives, poison, a baseball bat, killing a person with your bare hands, or any of the other numerous ways one can commit murder if one is hellbent on doing so. Making matters worse was the normally more cerebral Bob Costas, who quoted Whitlock’s article during a halftime commentary on NBC’s Sunday Night Football. I understand that the talking heads cannot completely ignore a big story, and these police blotter situations have become more common in the past decade or two. However, when I am watching a ball game or reading the sports page I really just want to know about the scores, the highlights, and the players. If these guys want to do “hard news” then they need to get a gig doing just that, and then they can bloviate to their heart’s content. But as long as they are supposedly doing sports they need to keep their asinine opinions to themselves.

General David Petraeus

Having an affair is never right. But it’s doubly stupid when you are in a high profile position like Director of the CIA. I have the utmost respect for our military, and it’s a shame that this guy had to cast a shadow on the whole institution because he couldn’t keep his little soldier in its barracks.

The Mayans

I’d say they need to recalculate their calendar, but they’re all dead and we’re still here.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg

No one has illustrated the difference between a Republican and a conservative in recent years more that NY City mayor Michael Bloomberg, an out-of-touch billionaire (the 10^th wealthiest person in the country as a matter of fact) now in his 3^rd term in office. Even Bloomberg recognized that his party affiliation was a joke and switched to the wishy-washy independent status a couple of years ago (this after having been a Democrat before he ran for mayor). Basically he’s a political prostitute. At any rate, Mayor Bloomberg apparently skipped each & every day in his school years when they taught about The Constitution. He has taken it upon himself to limit freedoms on everything from smoking to eating to circumcision, and in 2012 caught the attention of the nation by prohibiting restaurants, clubs, and movie theaters from selling sugary drinks in anything larger than a 16 ounce container. I am sure the citizens of The Big Apple are happy that there aren’t bigger issues to tackle than their consumption of supersized milkshakes & caramel macchiatos.

Piers Morgan

You’ve heard the phrase “America…Love it or Leave it.”?? This is one person who needs to decide which way he leans. Surprisingly he is not employed by MSNBC, where his idiotic hyperbole would be right at home. Instead Mr. Morgan, who hails from merry old England, plies his trade at CNN (where he replaced Larry King), meaning even less people watch him than if he did actually work for MSNBC. At any rate he is another anti-gun nut who has really stepped up his rhetoric after the heartbreaking rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. I’ll say this much…atleast he isn’t a sports journalist and his talk show is a more appropriate forum for such a discussion, but I still find it disgusting when these liberals try to paint conservatives as bad people yet it is usually them who politicizes tragedy for their own benefit. To my knowledge Morgan has not taken steps to become an American citizen, so he is a guest in our country. Therefore he should respect our rules and our laws. If he wants to live in a nation where guns have been banned then maybe he should go back to Britain. There is currently a petition calling for Piers Morgan to be deported and it has almost 90,000 signatures…far more than the 25k which, by law, requires a response from The White House. Then on Christmas Eve Morgan attacked Christianity, saying that The Bible is “inherently flawed” and needs amended, ostensibly to make the whole same sex marriage thing okay. I guess Piers Morgan doesn’t believe that The Bible is the inerrant Word of God. I wonder if he’ll finally admit he’s wrong when he’s burning in Hell.

The Houston Family

I was legitimately sad when Whitney Houston died. She had been such a beautiful woman with a voice to match. I am deeply disappointed that her family has chosen to capitalize on her death by doing a stupid reality show. Whitney’s daughter Bobbi Christina is obviously a very troubled young lady, and God knows she’s got trainwreck written all over both sides of her gene pool, so it is pathetic that her relatives would agree to exploit her grief.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Piers Morgan. It was an extremely tight race and each nominee was a worthy contender, but two things clinched it for Morgan. First of all, anytime someone is such a jackass that darn near 100,000 people sign a petition to have him DEPORTED that cannot be ignored. Secondly, when a person manages to spit on both The Bible and The Constitution it’s kind of a daily double worthy of robust scorn. Kick around Mr. Morgan while you still can folks…I have a feeling he’ll slink into the scrap heap of forgotten pop culture hogwash relatively soon.

At this time The Manofesto is pleased to offer some comic relief in the way of the comedic stylings of conservative Christian comedian Brad Stine.

To present our next award please welcome to the stage former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and current NFL analyst for NBC’s Sunday Night Football Hines Ward. And the nominees are:

Biggest Sports Story

NY Knicks Sensation Jeremy Lin

Back in February, after a lockout that had shortened the NBA season, the NY Knicks were riddled with injuries and forced to start undrafted free agent point guard Jeremy Lin. The young man quickly proved himself worthy and led the Knicks on a 9-3 tear thru the league, average nearly 23 points & 9 assists per game in the process. It didn’t take long for him to become a star in New York, and Linsanity was born. A coaching change and a knee injury ended the excitement almost as quickly as it began, and in the off season Lin signed a free agent contract with the Houston Rockets, but for a very brief moment in time the story of the young man who went from the end of the bench to being the toast of the town in The Big Apple dominated the headlines.

New Orleans Saints Bounty Scandal

Football is an inherently violent sport, and always will be unless Commissioner Fidel Goodell really does end up destroying the game as a whole in his bleeding heart liberal effort to water it down in the name of player safety. However, there is an assumption of fair play and good, clean competition. When the league announced last spring that it was suspending several New Orleans Saints players, coaches, & suits due to them putting out bounties on opposing players that notion was shattered in a way that it’d never been previously. Allegedly starting in 2009 (the year they defeated Peyton Manning’s Colts in The Super Bowl) Saints defensive players could earn extra cash for injuring certain opposing players and forcing their exit from the game. Goodell layed the hammer down on the Saints, including a full season ban for head coach Sean Payton & linebacker Jonathan Vilma as well as shorter suspensions for other players & coaches. Even general manager Mickey Loomis was suspended for a half season. Almost all involved vehemently denied the existence of any bounty program or their participation in anything unseemly. This month a special investigation headed by former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue overturned all of the players’ penalties but upheld those inflicted upon coaches & Saints management.

Peyton Manning

2011 was a lost season for Peyton Manning, one of the top 2 or 3 NFL quarterbacks of the last few decades. A neck injury forced him out of action all of last season, which started an interesting chain of events. Mostly due to Manning’s absence the Indianapolis Colts finished 2-14. Head coach Jim Caldwell was fired. Armed with the #1 overall pick in the draft and the prospect of grabbing can’t miss QB prospect Andrew Luck the Colts decided that a 35 year old signal caller trying to come back from neck surgery wasn’t worth the money, so Manning became a free agent. Several teams expressed interest, but ultimately the Denver Broncos, led by team president and legendary quarterback in his own right John Elway, successfully wooed Peyton Manning. The Elway/Manning combo was an intriguing story, but no one really knew if it would actually work. Manning is in his mid-30’s, and an effective comeback not only from a sensitive injury but also a year-long layoff was a risky proposition at best. As it turn out everyone got their happy ending. The Colts drafted Luck and he’s already brought them back to being a playoff team. And Manning is a strong contender for not only Comeback Player of the Year but also NFL MVP, as he has led the Broncos to double digit victories and a division title. It’s nice to see positive news on the sports page occasionally.

Lance Armstrong Doping Controversy

Once upon a time Lance Armstrong was one of the most popular athletes in the world. He not only won 7 consecutive Tour de France titles, but had also successfully battled cancer. We Americans LOVE a story like that!! We have no problems putting sports heroes up on a pedestal for simply winning trophies, and when they overcome a life threatening disease we’re ready to knight them, canonize them, and build a freakin’ monument. Armstrong had been fighting allegations of doping for years, but we’d always given him the benefit of the doubt and believed his constant denials because that’s how we roll with guys with only one testicle. But in 2012 an investigation seemed to finally confirm that Armstrong is not only a cheater but also a big fat liar. He was stripped of all 7 of his Tour de France titles and by deciding not to challenge the ruling tacitly admitted…in most peoples’ eyes anyway…the veracity of the accusations despite public protestations to the contrary. I don’t give a rat’s petoot about cycling but am always disappointed to see another supposed hero be knocked off their lofty perch.

Sexual Abuse at Penn St.

This is a story that just continued from last year into this one. However there were some significant developments in 2012. The man at the center of the scandal…pedophile Jerry Sandusky…went to trial, was found guilty of 45 counts of sexual abuse, and was sentenced to 30-60 years in prison. The report of an independent investigation of the situation issued a scathing rebuke of Penn St. and its institutional failures. This report was utilized by the NCAA in handing down harsh penalties on the football program, including a $60 million fine, a 4 year post-season ban, 5 years of probation, and the loss of 20 scholarships per year for four years. Disgraced former coach Joe Paterno died in January and six months later was stripped of 111 of his career wins, knocking him from the all time winningest NCAA football coach to 12^th on the list. The university moved quickly to eradicate most indicators that Paterno had ever existed, including the removal of a statue that had been on campus for over a decade. The 2012 Nittany Lions, under the leadership of new head coach Bill O’Brien, finished with a surprisingly good 8-4 record, and O’Brien was named the Big Ten Coach of the Year as well as national Coach of the Year.

The Summer Olympics in London

Every couple of years we go thru this cycle. Atleast the summer games are more fun than the winter games. Gymnastics is always entertaining and of course basketball is cool. The United States dominated the medal count, including gold for the men’s basketball team, all around team gold for the ladies’ gymnastics team & an individual all-around gold for Gabby Douglas, 4 golds for swimmer Missy Franklin, and multiple medals for swimmers Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte.

NHL Lockout

Yeah…the NHL season hasn’t started yet. I don’t especially love hockey so I really don’t care.

College Football Playoff

The 14 year old BCS has admittedly worked rather well for the most part, with advocates pointing out that it makes the regular season matter and more often than not really does manage to put together what most consider the top two teams in the nation. Still, there are times when one or two other teams left on the outside looking in have a legitimate gripe. No one without a PhD in mathematics can seem to figure out the formulas that the computers use to rank teams and I think people are getting just a little tired of seeing the SEC being fellatiated like President Obama at a birthday party for Chris Matthews. However, in June of this year the NCAA finally gave fans what we’ve been demanding for years. Beginning after the 2014 season we will have a 4 team playoff. It’s not exactly how I would have done it, but it’ll be much better than what we have now.

Lebron Wins A Championship

Well The Whore of Akron finally did it. After throwing his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers under the bus two years ago and “taking his talents to South Beach” Lebron James won an NBA title with the Miami Heat. I still don’t know how he is able to look at himself in a mirror each day, although I am sure large piles of cash help tremendously.

Replacement NFL Referees

We are used to strikes & lockouts in pro sports, but they usually involve the players. However this year it was the NFL referees that were locked out for the entire pre-season and the first few weeks of the regular season. Arrogant owners thought that the regular refs could be easily replaced with scrubs, but it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t the case. The ineptitude of the replacements was epic. They were clueless about the rules, made horrifically bad calls, and were a complete embarrassment. Things came to a head on a Monday night in Seattle when the Seahawks defeated the Green Bay Packers on a controversial last second Hail Mary touchdown in which Seattle should have been called for offensive pass interference and the ball was seemingly intercepted by the Packers but awarded to the Seahawks due to alleged “simultaneous possession”. Lots of screwy things happen in the NFL, but when a sacred cow like the Green Bay Packers get screwed over it’s a big freakin’ deal, and so two days later a deal was suddenly struck and the real referees came back to work. Interestingly enough that one game still might end up deciding a division title and screwing with playoff seeding & home field advantage.

Augusta National Admits First Female Members

Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia was founded in 1933 by legendary golfer Bobby Jones, who also created The Masters tournament in 1934 that is still held there each spring. Until 1990 it was an exclusive club for white men, but then caught up with the times (admittedly a few decades late) by finally admitting black members. But in 2012 it was still just a club for men. Personally I didn’t see that as a real issue. Whereas everyone knows that racism is wrong, I see no problem with organizations that are strictly for women or strictly for men. However, I guess I am in the minority, and in August Augusta National finally bowed to decades of public pressure by admitting two ladies…former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and South Carolina investment banker Darla Moore.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Bountygate. It was the story that we just couldn’t get away from in 2012. Every time we turned around there was some new twist to the story, some new evidence or charges of a lack of evidence. Where there is smoke there is usually fire, but it is rare to encounter anyone so passionate in defending themselves against wrongdoing as the alleged offenders in this case. The 2009 Saints were the group that everyone had cheered for so heartily because it’d brought joy & redemption to the city of New Orleans in the wake of 2005’s Hurricane Katrina, so to see that heroic season have a shadow cast over it was unpleasant. Also, Goodell’s continuing efforts to sanitize, water down, and wussify the game of football became a tentacle of the discussion, as it was noted that none of the key hits focused on in the scandal, especially against the likes of now retired quarterbacks Kurt Warner & Bret Favre, had generated penalties or been thought of as anything unusual at the time they occurred. At the end of the day no one comes out looking particular good in all of this, and it’s too bad that so many hours of coverage had to be dedicated to a story when all we fans really want to do is watch the game, have some fun, and escape from our own prosaic & excruciatingly mundane reality.

This seems like the appropriate place to take a break. Please join us tomorrow for Part I3 of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

Ozzie Guillen shockingly had “not much to say” after being fired by Marlins (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com)
The Miami Marlins Are A Hilarious Disgrace (deadspin.com)
Ozzie Guillen’s comments about Fidel Castro proved watershed for Miami Marlins in the season-Part 4 (blogs.bettor.com)

The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 1: The Curse of the Goblet of Secrets

Happy Holidays and welcome to the 3rd annual Sammy Awards. I sincerely hope that everyone in The Manoverse had a lovely & festive Christmas, and I wish you all a very Happy New Year. Before we get on with the imaginary show let me briefly review the ground rules for anyone who may have missed last year’s presentation. I approach this effort with the thought in mind that it could actually be a real, televised awards show. There are dozens of them already, so what’s one more?? Mine would be much different & more entertaining though. It’d be broadcast on HBO, which would allow multiple re-runs, eliminate commercials, and create a sense of freedom that the politically correct broadcast networks stifle. The pace would be brisk because a show longer than two hours drags and loses the interest of the viewer. There would be no acceptance speeches because most of the categories have far too many nominees to have in the audience and alot of them might not think it an honor to be nominated anyway. The Sammys are classier than the idiotic MTV Awards, yet not as pompous as The Academy Awards. They are a lighthearted but thoughtful look back at the past year…the stories, the people, and the events (both happy & not so happy) that made 2012 another fun ride.

This year’s host is legendary actor/director Clint Eastwood. If I have to explain why then you haven’t been paying attention.

After a brief, slightly amusing, somewhat rambling opening monologue by Mr. Eastwood our first award will be presented by late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon and rapper/actor Snoop Dogg. And the nominees are:

The Twitter Award for Most Interesting Water Cooler Topic

Octomom Does Porn

We first met Nadya Suleman a few years ago when she gave birth to octuplets (that’s 8 babies for those of you in MacDowell County, WV). It was quickly discovered that Suleman already had 6 kids and was a succubus on the Big Government teat, so no one could figure out why she was on meds to have even more offspring when she couldn’t even take care of the ones she had. Octomom became one of those 21st century “celebrities” that shows like Extra & Entertainment Tonight like to enable. Flash ahead to 2012 when Suleman figured out that not even the government offers a big enough check to properly provide for 14 children. Her solution?? Pornography and dancing at a strip club…of course. Making matters worse is the fact that this is a woman who, objectively speaking as a man who appreciates lovely women, is just not that attractive and should be paid to keep her clothes on.

Regis’ Replacement

81 year old Regis Philbin has spent more time on television than anyone else in history. Seriously…it’s in the Guinness Book of World Records. But not even Regis could suffer through another year with the overly perky Kelly Ripa. Faced with the choice of either gouging his own eyes out with a spoon on national television or retiring he did the smart thing and walked away from the daytime talk show that he’d helmed for nearly 25 years in late 2011. Throughout most of 2012 various guest hosts auditioned for the “honor” of being annoyed by Ripa on a daily basis. Dozens of gentlemen from various genres of entertainment were given the opportunity to take Regis’s spot, although only a handful were ever considered viable contenders. Among those were singer Josh Groban, actors Neil Patrick Harris & Mario Lopez, journalists Dan Abrams & Andy Cohen, fashion expert Carson Kressley, SNL funnyman Seth Myers, meteorologist Sam Champion, and Ripa’s own husband Mark Consuelos (an apparent masochist). This search went on for months. I’ve witnessed entire relationships…from the dating stage to the marriage thru the divorce…that were shorter than the process to find Regis Philbin’s successor. At the end of the day the gig was given to former NY Giants sack king Michael Strahan, proving once & for all that the long term effects of concussions on football players is a real issue.

Prince Harry & Kate Middleton Nekkid

For some reason we Americans are still enamored with the British royal family. I have no idea why. Maybe it is because they always do wacky things that inadvertently entertain the masses. At any rate, this past summer the world was all abuzz after every supermarket rag and low rent website published photos of 28 year old Harry, the younger son of Prince Charles and the late, nearly deified Princess Diana, au naturel in a Vegas hotel room. What happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas when you are a prince. Then this fall Harry’s sister-in-law, Kate, the wife of Prince William, was photographed by paparazzi topless, which of course was all over the same trashy magazines & websites. I’m not sure why anyone cares because I sure as heck don’t.

Bullying

Bullying isn’t a new topic of discussion. There have been bullies for as long as there have been children. But in 21st century America, where everything is a problem, too many people are hypersensitive, and things that didn’t used to be a big deal have become opportunities for bleeding hearts to become offended, bullying has suddenly become a hot button issue. My stance on the whole thing is, as usual, somewhat politically incorrect. I’ve never been bullied, but at times I have certainly been overlooked, taken for granted, and made to feel invisible. It concerns me that nowadays we have children actually committing suicide due to bullying. This seems like a relatively recent phenomenon, and I think we need to ask ourselves why. If bullying itself isn’t new but our collective hysteria about it is then maybe…just maybe…it should be considered that we are simply raising weaker children unequipped for handling the rigors of childhood. And if a kid can’t handle being a kid then what the heck are they going to face when they grow up?? It’s a tough world full of challenges, disappointment, heartbreak, and yes…mean & nasty people who will walk all over you if they are allowed. I’m no sociologist and I am not even a parent so I certainly don’t have any answers, but I think it’s a discussion worth having.

Chick-Fil-A

I’ve always liked Chick-Fil-A. They have tasty sammiches and the whole waffle fries thing is different in a good way. In 2012 the fast food chain found themselves in a bit of a pickle (if you’ve ever eaten one of their sammiches you’ll appreciate the joke) when their CEO publically espoused support for traditional marriage & Christian values. This mightily upset the liberal deviant lifestyle crowd. However, whether they were standing up for Biblical principles or just supporting the executive’s 1st Amendment right to free speech, millions of people mobilized and rallied around the eatery, helping them to post record profits. My friend The Owl and I both enjoy going to our particular local Chick-Fil-As not only because the food is good but also because it is a first class operation whose employs are well trained in the art of customer service and seem to treat every patron with dignity & respect. That is much too rare in 21st century America.

Fifty Shades of Grey

What is the dividing line between erotica and porn?? Is there really a difference?? I think maybe erotica is just a word women who read this kind of crap use to make themselves feel better about their sin. Anyway, this is a trilogy that I will likely never read but that took the world by storm in 2012. To each their own I suppose.

Bee Pollen

I know people who have lost weight taking the stuff, and I know people who sell it. Since I am on my own weight loss journey I seriously pondered giving it a whirl but when I asked my nutritionist about it she assured me that it was total poppycock. I think the trick is that one is instructed to consume copious amounts of water with the pills, which logically will eliminate hunger. Drink a big ol’ vat of H2O sometime and see if you feel like snacking afterword. I can tell you right now you won’t want to because you’ll be full. So here’s an idea…why not just skip the pills and drink a lot of water?? Seems like a logical solution to me. But hey, if taking these pills legitimately helps a person lose weight…even if it is simply a placebo effect…then go for it. Whatever works, right??

Call Me Maybe

Every once in awhile a song will come along that divides the nation…some people dig it while others absolutely hate it. This is one of those songs. It’s a catchy little bubblegum pop tune about a young lady’s unrequited crush that caught fire last summer and spent the vast majority of it at #1 on the charts. Personally I kind of like the song. Your mileage may vary and that’s okay.

TomKat Divorce

It wasn’t all that long ago…2005 to be exact…that Hollywood wackjob Tom Cruise made a complete ass of himself jumping up & down like a lunatic on the couch of Satan’s favorite talk show host Oprah. He was a man in love. He had apparently been a closet Dawson’s Creek fan just like your humble Potentate of Profundity, but unlike me he had the means to successfully woo innocent little Joey Potter from Capeside and lure her into his cult. He got her knocked up and then they got married (the order in which most relationships seem to go nowadays). Flash ahead to 2012 when apparently Katie Holmes finally woke up and figured out “Hey…I’m Joey freakin’ Potter!! I don’t have to put up with this crap.” So now the two are divorced and vying for the affection of their little daughter Suri, whose gig as the voice of the iPhone has got to keep her pretty busy. Dear Katie: I am available and I am a Methodist…think you can handle that??

Limbaugh Slut Controversy

In February a Georgetown law student spoke to members of Congress about health care. In essence she stated that birth control should be free and that during her years at Georgetown Law School she’d spent about $3000 on birth control when it should have been covered under the student health plan. It is my understanding that this student referenced friends that needed contraceptive medication for legitimate health issues, but didn’t say that she herself had been spending thousands of dollars due to medical necessity. My man Rush Limbaugh picked up on the story and pontificated aloud that a woman wanting free contraceptives and spending that much on them must be having a lot of sex, which would make her a slut. He said a bunch of other provocative stuff too, and predictably the liberal drive-by media was all over it. The NOW gang and a posse of other libs started calling for Rush’s head on a platter. Rush lost a few advertisers. Even some so-called Republicans turned on him. The controversy brewed for a few weeks. Eventually Rush apologized, and he weathered the storm like he always does.

iPhone 5 vs. Samsung Galaxy SIII

Who rules the cell phone world?? Those little toys have certainly come a long way in a short time, to the point where almost everyone, from grade schoolers to grandparents, has one. And while there is no shortage of carriers and phones, in 2012 the battle for the top spot came down to two contenders. The latest generation iPhone became available in September and sported a slightly bigger screen amongst other improvements. However, four months earlier Samsung had made an impact on the market with the Galaxy SIII, which is a huge phone. A little too big in my opinion. I briefly tried the Samsung, but had owned an iPhone 3GS for three years and was just so used to that format that I returned the Galaxy in favor of the 5. My sister and nephews all have the Galaxy though and really like it. It’s all good. And as long as there is stiff competition then we the customers should ultimately benefit.

Gangnam Style

This is a song accompanied by some sort of goofy dance. It was done by a Korean dude that no one had ever heard of and who will probably never do anything notable ever again. It’s one of those crazes like The Macarena, Madonna’s Vogue, The Dougie, The Lean Back, and The Hammer Dance that periodically take America by storm for a few months until we get bored and find something new & shiny to entertain us. The Korean dude appeared during a skit on SNL in October and I honestly had no idea why the audience was going wild. I’m old & out of touch like that, which is fine by me.

Bath Salts

Up until a couple of years ago I thought bath salts were something that women bought at the chick store at the mall that has all the smelly stuff & candles. Maybe at one time that was the case. However, more recently the most common usage of bath salts is in reference to a synthetic drug that apparently totally wacks people out. In 2012 usage of bath salts seemed to grow exponentially, especially here in West Virginia. Just 5 minutes from my home a “head shop” was busted by the feds last spring after selling hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of the stuff. WV leads the nation in bath salts usage and my city is…was…the epicenter. Wow…what an honor. Personally I am not into drugs. My parents taught me better and I’ve always figured that I’d be the unlucky SOB whose heart would explode if I ever smoked crack, shot heroine, or snorted coke. On top of that I have seen how drugs can wreck lives and slowly kill people. No thank you…not this kid. I’ll stick with skim milk and copious amounts of chocolate.

Honey Boo-Boo

Is this what The Learning Channel has become?? I’ve never watched this show and likely never will. Reality TV just isn’t my thing. But apparently it’s about some little girl who competes in those hideous child beauty pageants and her redneck family. I’ve heard numerous people say that the show is absolutely hilarious, but personally my standards are higher. Your mileage may vary, but may I suggest turning off the television occasionally and reading a book??

Clint Eastwood at the RNC

Eastwood is a rarity…a Republican in Hollywood. There might be more than we know about but they are so legitimately concerned that they might have their careers derailed by the leftist elite power brokers that they hide their conservative values, like straight men who like Air Supply or how Bruce Wayne doesn’t tell anyone he’s Batman. Anyway, Eastwood was asked to give a speech at the Republican National Convention last summer, and while I personally thought he was amusing the liberal drive-by media immediately jumped all over the performance. They blasted Mr. Eastwood for utilizing an empty chair and pretending like he was interviewing President Obama. Was it unconventional?? Yes. Might it have been better if he’d prepared a speech rather than going off-the-cuff?? Probably. Was it offensive?? Only to those who constantly fellatiate Obama and think he does no wrong.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Chick-Fil-A. Fast food & sociopolitical commentary don’t usually intertwine, but one’s attitude about Chick-Fil-A in 2012 was an indicator not only of whether or not a person likes a yummy chicken sammich, but where they stand on some very important issues. There are people who have chosen never to give their business to the place ever again, while there are others that proudly stood up not only for the values espoused but the freedom to express them. Whether or not you or I eat at Chick-Fil-A and why we make that choice doesn’t really matter all that much on the surface. It’s a restaurant. There are thousands of them. Three restaurants within a mile of The Bachelor Palace have closed up shop within the past 6 months and it had absolutely no impact on my life. But the reasons for the controversy…our cultural outlook on same sex marriage vs. traditional marriage as it was designed by God and our thought process on Constitutional rights…are extremely important matters that have helped define America and will shape its future for better or worse.

Singer Taylor Swift was originally scheduled to perform in this spot, but she broke up with atleast 3 guys in the past week and canceled on us after suddenly becoming inspired to write her next two albums. So it is our pleasure to welcome, singing two of her top hits Set Fire to the Rain and Rolling in the Deep, British songstress Adele.

To present our next award The Manofesto is proud to welcome back last year’s winner of the Sammy for Assclown of the Year, actor & provocateur Charlie Sheen, and a guy who knows a thing or two about bad movies (he’ll never live down Hudson Hawk), actor Bruce Willis, And the nominees are:

Worst Movie

Ted

I sincerely wanted to like Ted, a story about a boy who receives a stuffed bear for Christmas and then wishes that the bear would “come to life” ala Frosty the Snowman. The boy’s wish is granted and he grows up with the living stuffed animal as his constant companion until the relationship starts to complicate things in his adult life. Ted has some legitimately funny moments, and anytime Hollywood comes up with a unique idea rather than just another tired old clichéd retread I like to give credit where credit is due. However, I should have known that anything from the mind of Family Guy creator and voice artist Seth McFarlane would take a creative & potentially hilarious concept and infuse it with a plethora of low class, raunchy potty humor. I’m no prude, but honestly this film could have been so entertaining without going in that direction. It’s lazy, classless, and caters to the lowest common denominator. I am stunned that Star Trek: TNG’s Patrick Stewart agreed to “narrate” such crude vulgarity.

Rock of Ages

I have to be honest…I didn’t hate this film. As a child of the 80’s I enjoyed the music immensely. There were pretty good covers of songs by the likes of Night Ranger, Poison, Foreigner, Pat Benatar, REO Speedwagon, Journey, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, & Def Leppard, among others. Tom Cruise’s performance as a kind of Axl Rose/Jim Morrison hybrid is actually quite brilliant. However, the movie as a whole leans toward being rather cheesy. The story is forgettable and the rest of the cast, including the normally superb Alec Baldwin & Paul Giamatti, the irritatingly unfunny Russell Brand, and a horribly miscast Catherine Zeta-Jones do nothing to save the calamity.

American Reunion

I enjoyed the original American Pie immensely. It ranks 72nd of my 100 Favorite Movies. American Pie 2 was bland & forgettable, but the franchise rebounded with a third film, 2003’s American Wedding. So here we are 9 years later and the powers-that-be decided to squeeze one last drop from the cash cow. It would have made total sense if it’d happened three years ago. Most high school classes have a 10 year reunion, right?? The fact that this is a 13 year reunion is clumsily taken into account in the course of the story, but unfortunately it is too little too late. There is a distinct lack of creativity here. To a large degree very few of these characters have grown up, changed, or emotionally evolved over the past 13 years. This is especially noticeable with the character of Stifler, who is still just as obnoxious as a 30 year old as he was as a teenager. It isn’t realistic. Couldn’t some talented scribe have written a script where these characters have gone through the natural maturation process but at the same time created a funny story as well?? I guess not. There was one interesting choice that I am still kind of ambivalent about. In the story Jim’s mother has died. I am not sure killing off a character in a rom-com franchise is really wise or necessary, but on the other hand it is realistic (I lost my own Mom in my late 20’s) and it enabled the pairing of Jim’s Dad with Stifler’s Mom, and that is the best part of the movie.

The Three Stooges

Is it funny?? Kinda sorta. But instead of just being a new Stooges movie it kind of feels like three dudes doing impressions of the original Stooges. Some things simply cannot or should not be remade, revived, or reinvented. The Three Stooges were legends of a certain era, and thankfully we can pop in a DVD and see their stuff anytime we like. To transport the concept to modern times with new actors just doesn’t quite work despite a solid & spirited effort.

That’s My Boy

Long time citizens of The Manoverse may have noticed that the category of Worst Movie is new to The Sammy Awards. Your humble Potentate of Profundity has never seen a reason for it because I have been blessed with good taste and am normally smart enough to not shell out money for a bad movie. Part of me wants to believe that there isn’t any such thing as a bad movie. You go to the theater, buy a ticket, grab some popcorn, a vat of cola, & a box of Goobers, and escape from reality for a couple of hours. That is inherently a good thing. In hindsight maybe the movie wasn’t as funny as it could have been or didn’t live up to lofty expectations & preconceived notions, but at the end of the day there were certainly a lot worse things you could have spent a chunk of your day doing. However, in 2012 Adam Sandler singlehandedly destroyed this lifelong sanguine notion within 2 hours. My friend The Owl had tried to warn me that there was nothing funny about rape, statutory or otherwise. What he doesn’t know is that this piece of garbage throws in some incest for good measure. In 40 years on the planet I have never left the theater in the middle of a movie, mostly because if I’ve paid for something I’m going to see it thru to the end (I don’t leave a ball game in the 3rd quarter or the 7th inning, and I don’t leave a concert early to beat the traffic), but honestly I came very very close to ditching this crapfest. Sandler’s movies have never been accused of being refined or artistic, but atleast flicks like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, & The Waterboy were funny and had a heart. That’s My Boy has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

The Five Year Engagement

I am a big fan of How I Met Your Mother’s Jason Segal, star of last year’s Sammy Award winning film The Muppet Movie. I also enjoy a good rom-com. Those things combined with the fetching charm of British siren Emily Blunt should have been ingredients for a pleasant little escape. Sadly though the writers took a fine premise and tried to squeeze a bit too much out of it. It’s certainly not a horrible film, but it’s like a great steak that is left under the broiler just a wee bit too long and comes out somewhat flavorful but also a bit overdone. On the bright side there is a standout supporting performance by the lovely Alison Brie, who should become a big star any day now.

A Christmas Story 2

We all watch the 1983 original every Christmas. It’s a beloved holiday classic. Making a direct-to-video sequel three decades later was just not a good idea. It’s not creative and it’s not funny.

The Campaign

I had high hopes. Logically the combined comedic talents of Will Ferrell (Anchorman, Old School, Elf) & Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover Trilogy) should have been a no-brainer. But this tale of a long time Congressman being challenged by a dimwitted milquetoast just fell flat. Ferrell has perfected his vain, misogynistic, offensively cocky doofus shtick over the years, but he has done it so much better in other films. This time it felt like he kind of mailed it in. The Galifianakis character is irritating at best. I will give kudos to Dylan McDermott (the guy who used to be in ABC’s The Practice and starred in the 1994 remake of Miracle on 34th Street) because he is surprisingly amusing in a supporting role. It’s like the producers of the movie couldn’t decide if they wanted to do a traditional comedy or a piercing political satire, and at the end of the day the result is tepid on both ends.

And the Sammy goes to…..

That’s My Boy. This movie was not only the worst movie of 2012, but should receive strong consideration for the worst movie in the history of movies. I seriously do not know what in the world Adam Sandler was thinking. I don’t know how this steaming pile of dung ever got greenlit in the first place. No one expects Oscar caliber Shakespearean gravitas from Sandler, and that’s okay. The world needs some frivolity on occasion, but even mindless entertainment should have some standards.

This seems like the appropriate place to take a break. Please join us this weekend for Part II of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

Regis Philbin — Michael Strahan’s the Black Me (tmz.com)
Regis Philbin talks about Notre Dame (espn.go.com)
Regis Philbin: Looking Forward to Life After ‘Live!’ (everydayhealth.com)
Parents: are you part of the bullying problem? Take this quiz. (boston.com)
Top 12 Videos of 2012: The Year in YouTube! (thehollywoodgossip.com)
Betty White & Regis Philbin Get Sexy In Hot In Cleveland Season 4 Clip! WATCH HERE! (perezhilton.com)
Anderson Cooper done with daytime: the Kelly Ripa tragedy thickens (guardian.co.uk)
Octomom to Appear at AVN Awards (thehollywoodgossip.com)
Octomom Nadya Suleman To Appear At AVN Porn Expo In Vegas (blogs.laweekly.com)
Octomom Nadya Suleman ‘thankful’ her porn film is up for 4 awards (entertainment.nbcnews.com)

2012 Pigskin Picks of Profundity…..Week 15

And down the stretch we come!! This is the next-to-last week of the NFL season and thus the inaugural season of the PPP’s. I had another 4-3 record last weekend (I am almost positive that I’ve not exceeded that success rate at all this year), bringing my overall record to 42-61-1. Surprisingly there aren’t a lot of compelling matchups this week. There are a lot of games where one team is already securely in the playoffs while their opponent’s season long ago went in the crapper. And there are a few games where both teams are bad. The one game with a somewhat moderate level of drama is a game I won’t pick because it involves my Steelers and I cannot be impartial. Nevertheless I believe that I have found 7 games worthy of our attention. We’ll see.

San Diego at NY Jets (-2.5)

Has there been any bigger train wreck in the NFL this year than the Jets?? If they have any competition it just might be the equally abysmal Chargers, but of course for a variety of reasons the Jets get a lot more scrutiny. I think it’s safe to say that a good many of the personnel for both teams…players, coaches, suits…involved with this game will not be a part of their respective organizations the next time these two meet (whenever that may be). At any rate I think the Jets pull this one out, because how great would it be if, after all the love & hate for both Mark Sanchez & Tim Tebow, it is QB Greg McElroy who emerges as the best field general on the team??

Minnesota at Houston (-7)

Apparently Vikings QB Christian Ponder married ESPN hottie Samantha Steele this week after just meeting her like 4 months ago. Not only does that make me question his sanity & decision making skills, but it logically makes one wonder just how prepared he will be to face the Texans’ stout defense. Houston already has their division won but is still battling for home field throughout the playoffs. Minnesota is in a dogfight for a wildcard spot. If Houston had nothing to play for I might roll the dice, but that home field thing is a huge asset so I think they’ll still be sharp and win easily.

New Orleans at Dallas (-2.5)

Contrary to the opinion that I have espoused for months the Saints have not overcome their early season woes and will not be making the playoffs. The Cowboys, on the other hand, are still very much in the thick of the playoff hunt and could even win their division. This is a total vibe game. Logically speaking Dallas has everything to play for plus the home field advantage. However, they are also a hot mess. New Orleans has never recovered from all the offseason bounty hoopla, but they still have QB Drew Brees, and I am betting that he does not want to let his team finish worse than .500. The Voices are telling me to pick the Saints, so I shall comply.

Tennessee at Green Bay (-11.5)

Will Green Bay lose this game?? No, probably not. Will they cover the spread?? That’s a more interesting question. The Titans have been a real disappointment to me this season. I have always thought that QB Jake Locker was the real deal, and I figured that RB Chris Johnson would rebound from a subpar 2011 and have a monster year. But for some reason things just haven’t gelled in Music City. Meanwhile the Packers just keep on truckin’ and have already clinched the division. It is unlikely that they are going to overcome the Atlanta Falcons for the home field, so what do they really have to play for?? Don’t be surprised if several Green Bay starters get a lot of rest these next couple of weeks. That being said I think the Packers win the game but not by double digits…so the Titans are the pick.

New England (-14.5) at Jacksonville

So this is what it has come to?? I am reduced to picking a game that wouldn’t be in doubt even if the entire Patriots starting lineup just stayed home?? New England is still very much in contention for home field throughout the playoffs, which should be sufficient motivation. Conversely the talking heads on ESPN and elsewhere are already talking about the Jags signing Tebow in the offseason. As much as it pains me to do so I have to go with the Pats to win big & cover.

NY Giants (-1.5) at Baltimore

The Ravens have already clinched a playoff berth but have also lost three games in a row. The Giants are always dangerous this time of the year because it’s usually when they shake off all that mediocrity and get hot. Winning their last two games would almost certainly net a division title, and since the last game of the season is against the pathetic Philadelphia Eagles one would assume that this would be a game the Giants would be sufficiently jacked for. New York has everything to win & lose…Baltimore knows it’ll either be the lowest seeded division champion or a wildcard, which is kind of like the difference between Burger King & Wendy’s, i.e. not much difference. Therefore, even though they disappointed me last week I’m going to choose the Giants.

San Francisco (-1) at Seattle

Who would have ever figured three months ago that this would be such a highly anticipated game?? Kudos to head coach Pete Carroll, who’s Seahawks have won 5 out of their last 6 games and look likely to make the playoffs if they can just win one of these last two games. Meanwhile the 49ers have won 4 out of their last 6, with only inexplicable stumbles against the Rams that led to a loss & a tie. I know Seattle has the home field here, and that crowd will be amped out of their freakin’ minds. But I also think that most “experts” would agree that ‘Frisco is still clearly the better team. I am an underdog kind of guy so Seattle’s success has been fun to watch, but I think they’re going to have to win next week against the Rams to secure their playoff spot because I don’t believe the 49ers will lose this one.

Ravens-Giants: Preview & Notes (baltimorebeatdown.com)
NFC Wild Card Hunt: Mapping Out The Last Remaining Road For The St. Louis Rams Into The Playoffs (ramblinfan.com)
Sneak Peek: Week 16 Preview (snygiants.com)
NFL Playoff Picture: Broncos Rise To #2 Seed, Control Their Own Destiny (milehighreport.com)
NFC East playoff scenarios (espn.go.com)
Extra Points: Cameron’s exit means more heat on Flacco (sunherald.com)
NFL: “Six Pack” Picks Week 16… (stevenjeffries.wordpress.com)
Report: Tim Tebow Feels Misled by Jets, Was Told He Would Get Chance to Start (nesn.com)

Superfluous 7…..Overlooked & Underrated Christmas Songs

Is there a difference between a carol and just a plain ol’ Christmas song?? The common view looks to be in the affirmative, but what exactly the separation point is can be debated. Strictly speaking a carol will always talk of The Nativity. So favorites like Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, Joy to the World, and O Holy Night obviously qualify. But what about standards like White Christmas, Jingle Bells, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)?? I think in most peoples’ minds they too would be considered carols. At any rate, it is an interesting if completely frivolous discussion and that isn’t my purpose today. Rather my intended mission on this lovely December morning is to give recognition to some songs that might go unnoticed by the masses. They aren’t songs that you’ll sing on your church’s trek through the neighborhood or a visit to the local old folks’ home, and they aren’t songs that you’ll hear on the radio as much as Frosty the Snowman, anything by Mannheim Steamroller and Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or that wonderfully silly Grinch theme song that I have literally heard atleast three times a day in my truck on the local 24 hour Christmas music station every day for the past two weeks. These are tunes that you might hear occasionally on the radio and possibly on your Music Choice Sounds of the Seasons station (God bless you Time Warner Cable) every once in a blue moon. And they all have one thing in common…your humble Potentate of Profundity thinks they rock. I have already covered the traditional Christmas carol scene, so let’s go off the beaten path a little bit as The Manofesto proudly presents…..

from the home office in Eggnog, UT…..

The Superfluous 7 Overlooked & Underrated Christmas Songs:

7 Dominick the Donkey – Lou Monte

We all know about Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, but have you heard about Dominick the Italian Christmas donkey?? He’s cute, he doesn’t kick, and apparently he has to help Santa in Italy because the reindeer can’t climb the hills. I guess they can’t fly in Italy either?? Odd. Anyway, this tune is what I would describe as infectious, and I mean that in a good way, not in the itchy, red, “Oh crap I shouldn’t have gone home with that crazy sorority chick last weekend” kind of way.

6 Snoopy’s Christmas – The Royal Guardsmen

Novelty songs have sequels?? Who knew?? However, much like Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan and Genesis with Phil Collins (instead of Peter Gabriel), the original is all but forgotten while the follow-up is much better. In this case the original is a song written in 1966 less than a month after Charles Shultz’s first comic strip featuring Snoopy’s Walter Mitty-esque obsession with the infamous WW1 German fighter pilot, which seems a bit rushed. The sequel is a catchy tune written a year later which references the historical Christmas Truce during which German & British troops enjoyed a brief ceasefire on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day in 1914.

5 Christmas Time Is Here – Vince Guaraldi

It’s probably a bit of a stretch to call this overlooked. We hear it every year when TV broadcasts the superb 1965 animated special A Charlie Brown Christmas. But it’s the show that gets the love…the music is just in the background. However, the music itself is stupendous. Charles Shultz had to fight a real battle not only to get the memorable Biblical quote into the show but also to use the Vince Guaraldi Trio because it was felt that a jazzy score was not the way to go for a children’s show. Thank God Mr. Shultz won the argument. The lyrical rendition, which speaks of happiness & cheer, olden times & ancient rhymes, and families drawing near is excellent. But as a jazz lover I actually prefer the soulful, melancholy, soothing instrumental version. Your mileage may vary.

4 It’s Christmas Time Pretty Baby – Elvis Presley

Who doesn’t like Elvis?? But while his Blue Christmas (one of my favorites) gets all the love we should not forget about this bluesy little ditty in which Santa Claus is said to be driving a big black Cadillac. If you like the blues you’ll like it, if you don’t then you might not. It gets a little play on the radio and on Music Choice, but I could stand to hear it more often.

3 Christmas in Killarney – Bing Crosby

Crosby’s silky voice is ubiquitous during the Christmas season, but we usually hear him singing White Christmas, that Little Drummer Boy deal he did with David Bowie, and maybe It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, Adeste Fideles, or I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Even Mele Kalikimaka gets much love due to its use in the 1989 holiday classic National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. But let’s take a moment to give props to this beguiling little Irish jig written in 1950. I quite like it!!

2 Please Come Home for Christmas – The Eagles/Bon Jovi

The Christmas season isn’t jolly for everyone. It has the double-edged burden of being both the happiest and saddest time of the year. The gloom may not be much fun for most, but it’s a gold mine for songwriters. Some of the best Christmas tunes are also rather sorrowful. Songs like Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas & The Christmas Shoes effectively capitalize on the holiday dichotomy. For my money one of the best of the genre is this poignant song about a guy whose baby is gone and who has no friends. The most well-known covers are by The Eagles and Bon Jovi, who just happen to be two of my favorite bands.

1 All I Want For Christmas Is You – Vince Vance & The Valiants

Everybody knows about the Mariah Carey song of the same name. I am not saying that is necessarily a bad tune, but this one is completely different and oh so much cooler. Vince Vance & the Valiants is one of those bands who never really made it to the big time but have just quietly been doing their thing for about 30 years. Other than the 1980 novelty song Bomb Iran (a parody of The Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann), this Christmas tune is their one notable contribution to pop culture, and I absolutely adore it. I must give credit to my friend The Owl for introducing me to it some years ago. Whenever it comes on the radio or Music Choice (which is not often enough) I immediately stop whatever I am doing and listen.

Top 10 ‘Country Christmas’ Songs! [VIDEO] (wycd.cbslocal.com)
The Best Christmas Song…EVER? [VIDEO] (wild941.cbslocal.com)
My Top (and Bottom) 10 Favorite Christmas Songs of All-Time (mommabethyname.com)
Christmas songs advent calendar: Day 9. The Raveonettes – The Christmas Song (telegraph.co.uk)
Favorite Christmas Love Songs~ (1019litefm.cbslocal.com)
LxL’s Top Ten Christmas Songs (littlebylisten.com)
Top 5 Spoofs of Christmas Carols (mtholyoke.uloop.com)
Christmas Songs & Films (authorworld.wordpress.com)
Christmas in the Room (3cities2girls1blog.wordpress.com)
Christmas Carols With A Twist (jumbledcoffeethoughts.wordpress.com)

2012 Pigskin Picks of Profundity…..Week 14

You may have noticed that I took another bye last weekend. It was completely unintentional. Time simply got away from me. I was busy with other things, and for some reason became enamored with getting the bowl preview finished even though it could have waited a few more days. Ah well…c’est la vie.

College football is over except for the bowl games so for the next few weeks we’ll concentrate exclusively on the NFL, which is in the home stretch of their season. Thus far I have a dismal 38-58-1 record, meaning I’d pretty much have to be perfect these last three weeks to break even, which of course is extremely unlikely. However, I’ll do my best and try to finish on a high note.

Green Bay (-2.5) at Chicago

These two teams seem to be going in opposite directions. The Packers have overcome a shaky start and won 7 out of their past 8 games. The Bears have lost 4 out of their last 5 and are looking every bit as mediocre as I predicted they’d be. The loss of All-Pro LB Brian Urlacher has obviously not helped. Even with the home field I’d be surprised if Chicago pulled this one out, so I’ll take the favorites to cover.

Atlanta (-2) vs. NY Giants

Can the Giants do it again?? For some reason they have been able to peak at the right time and get hot in the playoffs on more than one occasion the past several years. I have never bought the Falcons as a legitimate Super Bowl contender even though they have done better than I thought they might and already have a playoff spot all sewn up. I’m going to roll the dice and bet that New York will continue their late season heroics.

New Orleans (-3.5) vs. Tampa Bay

I’ve said all along that the Saints would get off to a rough start but still end up in the playoffs. That prediction is beginning to look a bit shaky. This is absolutely a must win for both clubs if they hope to sneak into a wildcard spot. Both teams are in the midst of three game losing skids, so something’s got to give here. I am usually one to stand behind my predictions, usually to my own detriment. However, at this point I have more confidence in the Bucs than New Orleans, so that’s the pick.

St. Louis (-3) vs. Minnesota

Neither of these teams is going to the playoffs, but both have shown glimmers of hope at times thus far. Vikings’ RB Adrian Peterson is a beast and has made a remarkable comeback from tearing his ACL last Christmas Eve. The Rams are riding a three game winning streak, including a surprising overtime victory over division leading San Francisco a couple of weeks ago. St. Louis may be the hotter team and have the home field, but the vibes are telling me to pick Minnesota, so I shall.

Denver (-3) at Baltimore

I predicted a division crown for the Peyton Manning led Broncos and because the rest of the competition is even worse than I thought Denver has already clinched. They’ve also won an incredible eight games in a row. That’s not easy to do in the NFL no matter who your QB is. Conversely the Ravens have lost their last two games and the injuries are piling up. This is a real toss up, but I have to go with Denver.

Houston (-10) vs. Indianapolis

Both teams look to be heading to the post-season, although the division title is still up for grabs. What intrigues me here is the massive point spread. Colts’ QB Andrew Luck has had a tremendous rookie campaign and the team is on a three game winning streak, so I am hard pressed to figure out just why the folks in Vegas are being so disrespectful. I’m not buying it. Houston may win , but they aren’t going to do it by double digit points.

New England (4.5) vs. San Francisco

The hated Patriots are at it again. Just when everyone thinks that maybe they have plateaued and may be headed toward the downside they rise up and look as good as ever. They have won seven games in a row and are as good as any team in the league. Meanwhile the 49ers haven’t been quite as invincible as most thought they’d be and are actually in a real battle for their division with the surprising Seattle Seahawks. This is another vibe game where The Voices are telling me something different than what logic would seem to dictate. I have nothing to lose at this point so to heck with playing it safe. I’ll go out on a limb and pick the underdogs.

NFL Pigskin Preview Week 9: Philadelphia Eagles at New Orleans Saints (bleacherreport.com)
The Thinking Man’s Guide: NFL Week 15 Predictions (bleacherreport.com)
proof of NFL free predictions – Pigskin Pick’em contest (expertsatpredictions.wordpress.com)
Don Banks: 12 critical games ahead for playoff bubble teams (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)
NFL “Six Pack” Picks Week 14… (stevenjeffries.wordpress.com)
Extra Points: Cameron’s exit means more heat on Flacco (sunherald.com)
Playoff wish list: Seattle Seahawks vs. Green Bay Packers tops (blogs.nfl.com)

The Sammy Claus Wish List 2012

Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as football, good books, Italian food, & puppies exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like a Lady Gaga concert or being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. There would be no Amazon.com then, no high definition television, no chocolate bars to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in sunshine or naps!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Ronnie Milsap nor Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.

For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2012 edition of The Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.

Twinkies, HoHo’s, & Ding Dongs

A triumphant return. Over?? Nothing is over until we decide it is!! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?? Hell no!! And it ain’t over now.

WV Mountaineers football

A new defensive coordinator

Mitt Romney

A very happy retirement from politics and much success in all future endeavors

The Learning Channel & The History Channel

Remembrance of their initial purposes. I’d include MTV too but even if they’d start playing music videos again I wouldn’t watch.

Taylor Swift

No more boyfriends for about 10 years!!

Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Anthony Kennedy, & Samuel Alito

Good health & long lives

The NY Jets

A complete overhaul…new coaches, New GM, new QB, new RB, new WRs

Conservatism

A voice that can properly articulate the message to America

Katie Holmes

The love of a good man…a normal man…a man who isn’t obsessed with some kind of freaky religious cult.

Women Who Are Into 50 Shades of Grey

A Bible

Adam Sandler

Better taste in movies

51% of American Voters

All the chaos, socialism, higher taxes, and free stuff you voted for. You shall reap what you sow, and be careful what you ask for…you just might get it.

Matt Lauer

A slap in the face hard enough to knock his smugness into next week

Lindsay Lohan

A good long stint in prison, because apparently that’s the only thing that’s going to get her attention.

Bob Costas, Rob Parker, & All Other Sports “Journalists”

The understanding that we don’t give a damn about your opinions on sociopolitical issues. Just gives us the scores, show some highlights, and do a little analysis of the games & teams. Do your job and keep your commentary to yourself.

England’s Prince William & Kate Middleton

A healthy happy baby

NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg

A 64 ounce Big Gulp

The NFL

A new commissioner

ABC Family

The realization that it is unnecessary to have their logo in the corner of the TV screen constantly. It’s distracting and makes me want to change the channel.

The “Marriage Equality” Crowd

A Bible

Rihanna & Selena Gomez

Better taste in men

The 2^nd Amendment

Protection from those who don’t understand that The Constitution isn’t the problem, lack of morality is.

The Big East

Extinction. Seriously, give up the ghost already.

NFL RedZone Host Scott Hanson

A huge bladder

As has become tradition I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give – of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

Song of the Day: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (bloggingtonybennett.com)
Moochelle Obama Says Santa Clause Promotes Diabetes (itmakessenseblog.com)

A Look at the 2012-13 Bowl Season

In 1914 Yale University built a football stadium. It was the first bowl shaped stadium in the country and the prototype for what we take for granted as the typical stadium today. During this time there was only one college football post-season game to decide a national champion. It was played in Pasadena, CA and sponsored by the Roses Association, which had begun a New Year’s Day parade in 1890 and started the football tradition in 1902. By 1923 the game was such a huge success that a new & bigger stadium was needed. The builders used the Yale Bowl as a template and called their stadium the Rose Bowl. The game played there became known as the Rose Bowl game. In 1933 some folks in Miami, FL thought that college football could stand to have another post-season game. They decided to capitalize on the popularity of the Rose Bowl by calling their game the Orange Bowl. Soon after the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, the Sun Bowl in El Paso, TX and the Cotton Bowl in Dallas were born. The rest is history. And now you know why bowl games are called bowl games. As always I am here not only to entertain but to educate.

At any rate, I am trying something a bit different this year. I have broken down the plethora of bowl games into three tiers. Tier 3 consists of worthless games for which I can barely muster enough interest to even bother making a pick. Even as a huge football fan I doubt I’ll be watching them, and you probably won’t either. Surely there is a better way to spend one’s time, like self-mutilation or renting Mariah Carey’s Golden Raspberry award winning performance in 2001’s Glitter on DVD. Tier 2 games are largely mediocre and superfluous, but there are some decent matchups that might actually be somewhat entertaining. The Tier 3 games are the crème de la crème, the kings of the hill, the top o’ the heap. Unlike my Pigskin Picks of Profundity I will not be utilizing any point spreads. These are just straight up, win or lose, all or nothing prognostications. It is unlikely that means that’ll I’ll do any better though. As a matter of fact my picks will probably be mostly wrong as usual so as always, please, no wagering. Enjoy, and happy holidays!!

Tier 3

Potato Bowl – 12/15

Toledo (9-3) vs. Utah State (10-2)

This used to be known as the Humanitarian Bowl and is played on the famous blue turf in Boise, Idaho, which is the game’s only redeeming quality. I’ll take the Rockets to win convincingly.

Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl – 12/21

UCF (9-4) vs. Ball State (9-3)

Beef O’Brady’s is a sports bar franchise in Florida and other southern states. The game itself is played in St. Petersburg (i.e. Tampa), FL. Yeah, I know…no one cares. I think Central Florida wins the game.

Las Vegas Bowl – 12/22

Boise State (10-2) vs. Washington (7-5)

Hey, atleast this game has a cool location. The Broncos are making their 3^rd straight appearance after a huge Fiesta Bowl win in 2007. Since they’ve won the past two quite easily I see no reason not to believe they’ll win again.

Hawaii Bowl – Christmas Eve

SMU (6-6) vs. Fresno State (9-3)

The game may not hold much interest for the casual fan, but kudos to these two teams for parlaying their mediocrity into a trip to Hawaii for Christmas. Mele Kalikimaka indeed. I’ll take the Bulldogs.

Little Caesars Bowl – 12/26

Western Kentucky (7-5) vs. Central Michigan (6-6)

Congratulations second-rate teams from second-rate conferences…you get to go to Detroit for Christmas!! Seriously…this is about a half step above an NAIA game. When did Western Kentucky upgrade from 1-AA?? I must have missed that. Anyway, I’ll take the Chippewas.

Military Bowl – 12/27

Bowling Green (8-4) vs. San Jose State (10-2)

Ummm…shouldn’t one of the military academies be playing in this game?? I assume Army would have been playing here…if they’d managed to attain more than 2 victories. I like the quality of football played in the MAC, so I’ll go with Bowling Green for the win.

Belk Bowl – 12/27

Duke (6-6) vs. Cincinnati (9-3)

Belk is a Carolina based department store chain found in the southern U.S. The game itself was formerly known as the Queen City Bowl, the Continental Tire Bowl, and the Meineke Car Care Bowl. It’s a shame the Bearcats couldn’t score a more significant contest after a 9 win season. Meanwhile, the Blue Devils have all the sudden upgraded their football program from comatose to average, so good job. Even considering the fact that coach Butch Jones has bolted for Tennessee I’d be stunned if Cincinnati didn’t win by double digits.

Meineke Car Care Bowl – 12/28

Minnesota (6-6) vs. Texas Tech (7-5)

Just because Charlotte’s game is now called the Belk Bowl doesn’t mean the Meineke people are out of the football business. They simply changed their sponsorship to this game in Houston. I am more familiar with Hayden Fox’s fictional Minnesota St. Screaming Eagles than the real life Minnesota Golden Gophers, but I have seen the Red Raiders play a few times this season so that’s the pick.

Russell Athletic Bowl – 12/28

Virginia Tech (6-6) vs. Rutgers (9-3)

This is the former Blockbuster Bowl, CarQuest Bowl, and MicronPC Bowl. The folks in Orlando change bowl sponsorships more often than Taylor Swift changes boyfriends. At any rate, the big question to me here is what in the world happened to Virginia Tech this year?? From 2004-2011 they won 10 or 11 games every season. They haven’t been this mediocre since a two win season in 1992. Meanwhile, Rutgers is preparing to move to The Big Ten and exiting The Big East on a high note. In any other year the Hokies would be an easy choice, but it seems like the two teams have reversed roles this year, so I’ll take the Scarlet Knights.

Armed Forces Bowl – 12/29

Rice (6-6) vs. Air Force (6-6)

It doesn’t get any more mediocre than two 6-6 teams that, if I were in charge, would not even be playing a post-season game. Teams shouldn’t be rewarded for simply breaking even. I honestly know next to nothing about either of these clubs, and I am tempted to pick Rice in honor of my friend The Owl, but I think I’ll go with Air Force.

Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl – 12/29

Arizona State (7-5) vs. Navy (7-4)

Hey…atleast these two teams both won 7 games and have winning records, so that’s an improvement, right?? I’d love nothing more than to support our military academies, but in this case I just think that the Sun Devils have played a tougher schedule and shouldn’t have any problems with the Midshipmen.

Music City Bowl – New Year’s Eve

North Carolina State (7-5) vs. Vanderbilt (8-4)

I think most people have better things to do on New Year’s Eve than watch these two middle-of-the-road teams play in a middle-of-the-road bowl game. I do like NC St.’s QB Mike Glennon, who a lot of “experts” are saying has a decent shot to be a good NFL quarterback. That’s enough for me to give the Wolfpack the nod.

Liberty Bowl – New Year’s Eve

Iowa State (6-6) vs. Tulsa (10-3)

The records are probably a little misleading. Tulsa won 10 games but plays in C-USA. Iowa St. plays in the much tougher Big 12. I’ll take the Cyclones in what I guess would be considered an upset.

Sun Bowl – New Year’s Eve

Georgia Tech (6-7) vs. USC (7-5)

Can someone please explain to me why in the world a team with a LOSING record is being allowed to play in a bowl game?? This is especially aggravating when one considers the fact that a 9-3 Louisiana Tech team did not receive any kind of bowl invite and will be home for the holidays. That is insane and it’s just plain wrong. I know this season hasn’t exactly turned out the way the folks at Southern Cal had hoped (they were pre-season #1 in many polls), and the final insult is being forced to play an opponent with such an atrocious record. The only thing that can make this right is the Trojans winning this game in a h-u-g-e way.

Compass Bowl – 1/5

Pitt (6-6) vs. Mississippi (6-6)

Let me restate my annual joke about this bowl: Shouldn’t the game pit two directional schools against one another?? Anyway, as a lifelong WV Mountaineer fan I cannot in good conscience cheer for the hated Pitt Panthers, which works out just fine since they suck anyway. I’ll take Ole Miss in this one.

GoDaddy.com Bowl – 1/6

Kent State (11-2) vs. Arkansas State (9-3)

I hate this bowl game on a multitude of levels, not the least of which is the fact that it usually (and this year is no exception) features two teams that absolutely no one gives a damn about nearly a week after the season should have been over and all anyone is concentrating on is the following day’s National Championship Game. That being said, I suppose the smart play is to pick Kent to win handily.

Tier 2

Poinsettia Bowl – 12/20

BYU (7-5) vs. San Diego State (9-3)

The Cougars acquitted themselves quite nicely as an independent, with victories over…well, okay…they didn’t actually beat anyone of note, but they did garner 7 victories. The Aztecs defeated both Boise St. and Nevada, which is impressive. However, I am nothing if not loyal, and since I had BYU in my pre-season Top 25 I am going to stick with them here.

New Orleans Bowl – 12/22

Louisiana-Lafayette (8-4) vs. East Carolina (8-4)

Here we have two teams that don’t receive much recognition because of the subpar conferences in which they play and the mostly weak schedules they have, but two teams that I guarantee you few schools would want to face as out-of-conference opponents. This should be a high scoring, fun game. Maybe we’ll get really lucky and something wacky will happen like they’ll go into 5 overtimes. The Pirates were another one of my pre-season Top 25 picks that didn’t quite go as well as I’d hoped, but I’ll pick them anyway.

New Mexico Bowl – 12/15

Nevada (7-5) vs. Arizona (7-5)

Now this should be a fun game to watch. It seems like both of these teams are better than their records would indicate, they’ve just been inconsistent. I don’t really want to cheer for a team coached by that assclown Rich Fraudriguez, but as much as I like the Wolfpack the Wildcats have a better resume and have been battle tested in a better conference. Arizona is the pick.

Holiday Bowl – 12/27

Baylor (7-5) vs. UCLA (9-4)

This is the game that West Virginia fans were hoping the Mountaineers would land in. Instead the powers-that-be chose Baylor. Ah well…c’est la vie. I think the Bruins are clearly the better team, and I’d be surprised if they didn’t win.

Independence Bowl – 12/28

Louisiana-Monroe (8-4) vs. Ohio (8-4)

At first glance this looks like a completely forgettable matchup. However, I have seen both of these teams play a couple of times this season and something tells me this’ll be a really fun game. It isn’t as if these are two teams that just broke even and barely got into the post-season…they are both 8 win teams. I really like what coach Frank Solich has done with the Bobcats, although I am concerned that they come into this contest in the midst of a 3 game losing streak. Conversely, not only are the Warhawks riding a 2 game winning streak, but they have an impressive resume, having played both Auburn & Baylor extremely tough in close losses. It’s a real toss-up, but I’ll go with Ohio U.

Pinstripe Bowl – 12/29

Syracuse (7-5) vs. West Virginia (7-5)

Most Mountaineer fans aren’t the least bit excited about this game. It was bad enough that a potential national championship run and a legitimate Heisman candidacy for QB Geno Smith were derailed by a 5 game midseason swoon due to an atrocious defense, but once things got back on track rumors had the Eers headed to either the Alamo Bowl in San Antonio or the Holiday Bowl in San Diego. Then this game entered the picture and the rumor became a possible revival of The Backyard Brawl against Pitt. Unfortunately Panther fans don’t even bother to fill Heinz Field during the season let alone travel to a bowl game, so now a season once filled with so much promise for WVU ends against Syracuse in New York in December. Most of the time I’d rather receive a Brazilian wax from a blind transvestite than watch any game involving Syracuse. Geno, offensive spark plug Tavon Austin, & WR Stedman Bailey deserved so much better than this. I’ll be disappointed if West Virginia doesn’t hang damn near 100 points on the Orange and win by 50 points.

Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl – 12/29

Michigan State (6-6) vs. TCU (7-5)

Ehhh…more mediocrity from two teams who have certainly had better years. This is the old Copper Bowl, which then became the Insight Bowl. It is played in Arizona, which means TCU will probably have more fans there. So I guess I’ll go with the Horned Frogs.

Chick-fil-A Bowl – New Year’s Eve

LSU (10-2) vs. Clemson (10-2)

I like Chick-fil-A a lot, but being a traditionalist I would prefer that this game go back to being known as the Peach Bowl. Anyway, these are two solid teams and we should be treated to a great game. I think LSU is the better club though since they are battle tested in the ultra tough SEC, while Clemson plays in the somewhat less impressive ACC.

Heart of Dallas – New Year’s Day

Purdue (6-6) vs. Oklahoma State (7-5)

This is the new kid on the bowl block, having first been played in 2011. It was known then as the TicketCity Bowl. When I was a kid New Year’s Day games were reserved for the very best teams. I guess those days are gone. Anyway, I don’t think the Cowboys should have any problem winning this game.

Gator Bowl – New Year’s Day

Northwestern (9-3) vs. Mississippi State (8-4)

Two solid teams that were battled tested in good conferences. This might be a real sleeper insofar as it’ll probably be overlooked amid all the other games with bigger names, but it has the potential to steal the show. I’ll go with the Wildcats to get the victory.

Sugar Bowl – 1/2

Florida (11-1) vs. Louisville (10-2)

This is going to be a better game than most people think, but as much as I like Louisville there is no doubt that the Gators play a much tougher schedule and have a lot more talent. Cardinals head coach Charlie Strong was the leading candidate for the Tennessee coaching position but decided to stay put, which is commendable. I am very tempted to pick an upset, but I just can’t pull the trigger. I don’t think it will be a blowout, but I do expect Florida to win.

Orange Bowl – New Year’s Day

Florida St. (11-2) vs. Northern Illinois (12-1)

Lots of talking heads have had their knickers in a twist about this game. They tend to view college football as an exclusive club where the only teams that count are Notre Dame, the SEC, the Big Ten, the Pac 12, and maybe half the teams from the ACC & Big 12. Northern Illinois is looked at as an outsider that doesn’t belong in the club. Are the Seminoles bigger, faster, stronger, and more athletic?? To a large degree yes they are. But I do think that the Huskies deserve a little more respect than they are getting. Having said that, I think Florida St wins & wins big.

National Championship Game – 1/7

Notre Dame (12-0) vs. Alabama (12-1)

99% of football fans in America are beyond excited about this game. For probably the only time in my life I am actually in the 1%. You see, I am an underdog kind of guy. I need a little guy, a lovable loser type to root for. There is no such animal in this matchup. These are two of the elite programs in the history of college football, with something like 27 national championships between them. This is the Tide’s 3^rd title game in 4 years. Notre Dame is back on top for the first time since 1988-89. I have searched deeply for something to cheer about here, and the two things that I’ve come up with are…stunningly…in Notre Dame’s favor. First of all, I have been truly impressed with Irish linebacker Manti Te’o. He seems like a genuinely good guy and someone very deserving of his accolades. Secondly, as most citizens of the Manoverse know, I am a big fan of ESPN’s Mike & Mike in the Morning (back to back Sammy Award winner for Best TV Show). Mike Golic’s two sons Mike Jr. & Jake are both seniors for Notre Dame. It doesn’t seem likely that either will follow their father’s or their uncle Bob Golic’s footsteps into the NFL, so this is it for them. Knowing how great it’d be for the Golics to win this game makes me smile ever so slightly, enough to…for probably the first & last time in my life…pull for the Irish.

Tier 1

Alamo Bowl – 12/29

Texas (8-4) vs. Oregon State (9-3)

I wish West Virginia were playing in this game, but I have to admit that they ended up with quite a good matchup. Both of these teams showed flashes during the season but were just inconsistent. I think this’ll be a shootout with the Beavers coming out on top.

Capital One Bowl – New Year’s Day

Georgia (11-2) vs. Nebraska (10-3)

This is the old Tangerine Bowl which then became the Florida Citrus Bowl. I am loathe to comment on a game actually named after a credit card, but I’ll ignore the sudden tics I am experiencing a forge ahead. Georgia was THIS close to beating Alabama and making it to the title game, but had an inexplicable brain fart. Nebraska got pasted in the Big Ten championship by Wisconsin and lost out on an opportunity to go to The Rose Bowl. So neither team is playing where they’d really prefer to be playing. This isn’t necessarily a bad consolation prize though, and fans should be the big winners. I think Nebraska is a decent team, but they were exposed on several fronts by Wisconsin. Georgia might have an eye on a pre-season 2013 Top 5 ranking if they win this game, so I’ll go with the Bulldogs.

Outback Bowl – New Year’s Day

South Carolina (10-2) vs. Michigan (8-4)

I really thought these teams would have better seasons. I had both in my pre-season top 3. There is no doubt in my mind that this will be an extremely entertaining game to watch, chockfull of big plays and touchdowns. On paper the Gamecocks clearly look like the better team, but the vibes are speaking to me again and saying to pick Michigan. And of course I always listen to The Voices.

Cotton Bowl – 1/4

Oklahoma (10-2) vs. Texas A&M (10-2)

The Aggies acquitted themselves quite nicely in their inaugural SEC season, even beating then #1 ‘Bama. Freshman QB Johnny Manziel has taken the college football world by storm. Meanwhile, the Sooners actually had higher hopes. There are very few teams in America for whom a 10 win season is a disappointment, but Oklahoma is one of them. It’ll be interesting to see how Johnny Football does against the Sooner defense. Can he duplicate the results he produced against the Tide?? I’d love to see that, and I think it just might happen. I’m going with A&M in a squeaker.

Rose Bowl – New Year’s Day

Stanford (11-2) vs. Wisconsin (8-5)

Yikes…has an 8 win team ever played in The Granddaddy?? Thanks to the…indiscretions…at Penn St. & Ohio St. the Badgers got the opportunity to play in the Big Ten title game and took full advantage by blasting Nebraska. Meanwhile Stanford plugged right along with another stellar season even after losing QB Andrew Luck to the NFL. I suppose Wisconsin can’t be completely discounted given what they accomplished to get here, but I don’t think they can do that two games in a row, especially since their head coach just bolted to Arkansas. Stanford should win easily.

Fiesta Bowl – 1/3

Kansas St. (11-1) vs. Oregon (11-1)

This should have been the national championship game. These are two of the most exciting teams on the college football landscape, and if not for the Wildcats shocking stumble against Baylor and Oregon’s overtime loss to Stanford they’d be playing for the big trophy. If the 4 team playoff that begins in a couple of years were already in place one or both teams would almost certainly be in it. Alas, there is no use looking ahead or crying over spilled milk. The winner here will probably finish #2 in the final poll, which is a fine accomplishment. I expect a high scoring affair so if you’re the betting kind the over is probably a safe pick. At the end of the day I think Oregon’s speed will be just a bit too much for K-St., and I expect the Ducks to have the edge in special teams as well. Oregon will win, but it’ll be close and loads of fun.

Poll- Which bowl game do you want Syracuse Football to play in? (cnycentral.com)
BOWL NOTEBOOK: Gator Bowl invites go to Northwestern and Mississippi State (sportsday.typepad.com)
After lackluster Pac-12 Championship, no trouble selling Rose Bowl tickets for Stanford (bayarea.sbnation.com)
Alvarez will lead Badgers in Rose Bowl (espn.go.com)
Duke to face Cincinnati in the Belk Bowl Dec. 27 (newsobserver.com)
Bowl Season and Brotherhood (chipsifraternity.wordpress.com)
2012 Music City Bowl: Vanderbilt Commodores vs. North Carolina State Wolfpack (vividseats.com)
The Every Bowl Game Ranking, 2012 Edition (everydayshouldbesaturday.com)
Bielema: Alvarez to lead Badgers in Rose Bowl (espn.go.com)

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