Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as football, good books, Italian food, & puppies exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like a Lady Gaga concert or being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. There would be no Amazon.com then, no high definition television, no chocolate bars to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in sunshine or naps!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Ronnie Milsap nor Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.
For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2012 edition of The Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.
Twinkies, HoHo’s, & Ding Dongs
A triumphant return. Over?? Nothing is over until we decide it is!! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?? Hell no!! And it ain’t over now.
A new defensive coordinator
A very happy retirement from politics and much success in all future endeavors
The Learning Channel & The History Channel
Remembrance of their initial purposes. I’d include MTV too but even if they’d start playing music videos again I wouldn’t watch.
No more boyfriends for about 10 years!!
Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Anthony Kennedy, & Samuel Alito
Good health & long lives
A complete overhaul…new coaches, New GM, new QB, new RB, new WRs
A voice that can properly articulate the message to America
The love of a good man…a normal man…a man who isn’t obsessed with some kind of freaky religious cult.
Women Who Are Into 50 Shades of Grey
Better taste in movies
All the chaos, socialism, higher taxes, and free stuff you voted for. You shall reap what you sow, and be careful what you ask for…you just might get it.
A slap in the face hard enough to knock his smugness into next week
A good long stint in prison, because apparently that’s the only thing that’s going to get her attention.
Bob Costas, Rob Parker, & All Other Sports “Journalists”
The understanding that we don’t give a damn about your opinions on sociopolitical issues. Just gives us the scores, show some highlights, and do a little analysis of the games & teams. Do your job and keep your commentary to yourself.
England’s Prince William & Kate Middleton
A healthy happy baby
NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg
A 64 ounce Big Gulp
A new commissioner
The realization that it is unnecessary to have their logo in the corner of the TV screen constantly. It’s distracting and makes me want to change the channel.
Better taste in men
The 2nd Amendment
Protection from those who don’t understand that The Constitution isn’t the problem, lack of morality is.
Extinction. Seriously, give up the ghost already.
A huge bladder
As has become tradition I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:
“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give – of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”
- Song of the Day: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (bloggingtonybennett.com)
- Moochelle Obama Says Santa Clause Promotes Diabetes (itmakessenseblog.com)