The Sammy Claus Wish List 2012

Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as football, good books, Italian food, & puppies exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like a Lady Gaga concert or being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan. There would be no then, no high definition television, no chocolate bars to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in sunshine or naps!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Ronnie Milsap nor Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.


For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2012 edition of The Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.




generic-hostess-twinkies-11_20121116160001_640_480Twinkies, HoHo’s, & Ding Dongs

A triumphant return. Over?? Nothing is over until we decide it is!! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?? Hell no!! And it ain’t over now.



wvWV Mountaineers football

A new defensive coordinator



Mitt-Romney-241055-4-402Mitt Romney

A very happy retirement from politics and much success in all future endeavors



51xf+aWEh-L._SL500_AA300_The Learning Channel & The History Channelhbb

Remembrance of their initial purposes. I’d include MTV too but even if they’d start playing music videos again I wouldn’t watch.



a-taylor-swift-1Taylor Swift

No more boyfriends for about 10 years!!



gavelSupreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Anthony Kennedy, & Samuel Alito

Good health & long lives



jetsThe NY Jets

A complete overhaul…new coaches, New GM, new QB, new RB, new WRs




A voice that can properly articulate the message to America



katie-holmesKatie Holmes

The love of a good man…a normal man…a man who isn’t obsessed with some kind of freaky religious cult.



Belle-and-Gaston-50-Shades-of-GreyWomen Who Are Into 50 Shades of Grey

A Bible



sandler_rectAdam Sandler

Better taste in movies



obama_dr_evil51% of American Voters

All the chaos, socialism, higher taxes, and free stuff you voted for. You shall reap what you sow, and be careful what you ask for…you just might get it.



matt-lauer-today-show-tmz-2Matt Lauer

A slap in the face hard enough to knock his smugness into next week



Linnew-lindsay-lohan-mug-shotdsay Lohan

A good long stint in prison, because apparently that’s the only thing that’s going to get her attention.



c03-costas-21-4_3_r560Bob Costas, Rob Parker, & All Other Sports “Journalists”

The understanding that we don’t give a damn about your opinions on sociopolitical issues. Just gives us the scores, show some highlights, and do a little analysis of the games & teams. Do your job and keep your commentary to yourself.



kate-william-620_1763634bEngland’s Prince William & Kate Middleton

A healthy happy baby



dsc_1228NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg

A 64 ounce Big Gulp



goodevil-copyThe NFL

A new commissioner



1345774554_7952_logo_abc_familyABC Family

The realization that it is unnecessary to have their logo in the corner of the TV screen constantly. It’s distracting and makes me want to change the channel.



bibleThe “Marriage Equality” Crowd

A Bible



134731142189_squareRihanna & Selena Gomezselena-gomez-hairstyles

Better taste in men




The 2nd Amendment

Flag-GodProtection from those who don’t understand that The Constitution isn’t the problem, lack of morality is.




big leastThe Big East

Extinction. Seriously, give up the ghost already.



Hanson_thumb_8-20-10NFL RedZone Host Scott Hanson

A huge bladder




As has become tradition I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on AD_93889_SANTAJESUSa sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give –  of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

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