Pittsburgh Pirates

Winning & Musing…..Volume 3.15

Don’t you just love the ebb & flow of sports?? It’s almost magical how the baseball season opened on the same day that the championship game wrapped up college basketball. Or how Nascar pops back into our lives just as we are starting to miss football. The Nascar folks are even nice enough to take the day off when they know that between The Final Four and Easter Sunday our weekend is jam packed. Okay okay…I am smart enough to realize that there are people who make lots of money to carefully coordinate the well-timed ebb & flow, but in my heart I still believe in magic. Anyway, today we have a good mix of things to contemplate, so let’s do that.

Congratulations to the 2015 NCAA basketball national champion Duke Blue Devils. I have no issue with them winning even though they certainly aren’t the kind of underdog that I typically cheer for. I thought the game itself as well as the tournament in general was poorly officiated, but that can’t be held up as the single reason Duke prevailed. Coach K seems like a genuinely decent dude, although I can’t go so far as to say he has eclipsed legendary UCLA coach John Wooden.

Baseball season is underway and I am mildly excited about that. It’s a long season so one has to modulate enthusiasm throughout the next few months so that interest doesn’t wane during the dog days of summer. I expect my Pittsburgh Pirates to be in the midst of the pennant race again, although I do have some misgivings about their bullpen and whether or not that weakness will cost them a division title.

There’s been a lot of discussion during March Madness about what’s wrong with college basketball and what should be done to fix it. Most agree that the tournament is just dandy, but it’s the 3 or 4 months that precede it that has issues. One thing that is constantly mentioned is the 35 second shot clock and how it should be lowered to 24 seconds “just like the NBA”. Decreasing the shot clock is a valid debate, but what is with this compulsion to copy the NBA?? College & pro basketball are two similar yet different games and I think I prefer it that way. Contrary to popular opinion I find the collegiate game much more entertaining. It’s raw. It’s genuine. And yes, it’s got lumps, just like tasty homemade gravy, which has so much more flavor than the mass produced stuff one finds in a jar at the grocery store. College athletes are extremely talented, but there’s a wide range of skill and, at the end of the day, they are still a bunch of somewhat capricious & undeveloped 18-22 year old youngsters. There are highs. There are lows. There are flashes of dramatic, heroic triumph, and moments of inexplicable disappointment. Yes the NBA has that stuff too because the players are still human beings, but the game is undeniably more refined, less dramatic, more predictable, and too often as bland as store bought gravy. So revise & improve college basketball. Go for it. Nothing is perfect and tinkering can be fun. But be innovative. Be practical. Don’t focus on replicating the NBA. It’s lazy, redundant, & lacks imagination.

$100 for the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight?? I don’t think so. I’m not really a boxing fan and won’t be brokenhearted if I miss it altogether, although I may look around and see if I can catch it for free. There are ways. I’m a huge pro wrestling fan and haven’t paid for a PPV in a few years. Technology is a good thing…most of the time.

Speaking of pro wrestling, it has caused a rift in my relationship with ESPN talking head Colin Cowherd. I had been a fan of Cowherd’s daily radio show that is simulcast on ESPNU…until a few weeks ago. Colin’s buddy and fellow ESPN personality Bill Simmons is a fellow wrestling fan and had appeared on WWE Raw. Cowherd was reviewing Simmons’ performance on the show and had some rather demeaning & unprofessional comments about wrestling fans, saying that we all live in our parents’ basements and everyone who had attended that particular event outside of Simmons had probably been driven there and dropped off by their mother. And his comments weren’t said in a good-natured, joking manner. He was intentionally being an insulting jackass. I happened to have some free time that day so I tweeted #boycottCowherd and got much more of a response than expected. It was the most interaction I’ve ever had on Twitter. Some folks were supportive while some tried to match their hero Colin in the abuse department. Cowherd himself replied to me stating that his show had the best ratings on ESPNU, as if that is a noteworthy accomplishment when the truth is that better & more popular shows like Mike & Mike, Pardon the Interruption, & First Take air on ESPN or ESPN2. My God, even Dan Lebatard & his Papi are shown on ESPN2. Cowherd apparently doesn’t understand that his show airing on ESPNU indicates just how insignificant it is in the eyes of his bosses. At any rate, I’m not crazy enough to think that one man can take down an entire TV show or that my feelings matter to a self-important blowhard like Colin Cowherd, but I’ll damn sure never watch him again. I realize that professional wrestling isn’t everyone’s cup o’ tea. That’s fine. But to those of us who enjoy that sort of thing it is as valid a form of entertainment as anything else. There are any number of television shows…Game of Thrones, Scandal, The Walking Dead, Downton Abbey…that the masses love but I’m not interested in, yet I don’t go around bullying & verbally assaulting fans of those shows. The idea that all wrestling fans are a bunch of toothless hillbillies or socially inept psychos who are unemployed and live with their parents is a tired cliché that is no longer funny. Wrestling fans are male & female, black, white, & Hispanic, affluent & poor, young & old, urban & rural…just like the fan bases of any other kind of entertainment. Does Cowherd really think the backward recluses he trumpets as the typical wrestling fan could even afford to go to the shows, purchase the merchandise, or buy the pay-per-views?? Maybe someone should call EMS to bring the jaws of life to ESPN and extricated Colin Cowherd’s pea brain from his anal cavity before he suffocates and becomes an even bigger moron than he has already proven himself to be.

It’s still a little bit surprising to me that the Kentucky Wildcats didn’t make it to the national title game. I know I’m not the only one who felt like them winning it all was a foregone conclusion. But it seems like in the process of obliterating my WV Mountaineers in the Sweet 16 the ‘Cats fired all their bullets and didn’t have much left in the tank. They barely got by Notre Dame in the Elite 8, and then finally were beaten in the Final Four by Wisconsin. Now I will grant you that the Badgers are an extremely talented team and had the added revenge factor (after UK beat them in last year’s Final Four) as motivation, but I sincerely believe that Kentucky would defeat Wisconsin in 9 out of 10 games. In a single elimination tournament though anything can happen (and no…I don’t think that format should change…for now).

The argument over trying to get NCAA basketball to mirror the NBA made me think of baseball’s designated hitter rule. Upon further ponderation I think I like things the way they are, with the American League having the DH and the National League not utilizing it. It makes each league unique, which is something we’ve begun to lose in the United States. We’re all about homogenization. I’m not as well traveled as I’d prefer, but I know that every city & town in this country has a lot of the same stuff. The same restaurants. The same retail outlets. The same radio & TV stations that play the same music & shows day after day, week after week, year after year. Every mall has the same stores. Every movie theater is essentially the same. Every automaker makes the same kinds of vehicles that aren’t nearly as singular & cool as cars back in the 40’s & 50’s. This uniformity is comforting on some level, but it is also bland & uninspiring. Just like college basketball shouldn’t try so hard to emulate the NBA I hope the American & National Leagues will always remain similar yet distinctive.

Winning & Musing…..Volume 1.14

The sun is shining, birds are chirping, & lawns are being mowed throughout the land. It is springtime in America!! And one thing that means is a variety of sports stories about which I…as usual…have some thoughts. Sit a spell and join me…you know you want to.

A few post-NFL Draft contemplations:
• The NFL Network provides much better coverage than ESPN. I watched ESPN’s coverage of the first round because…well…it’s just been such a tradition for so long. Chris Berman & Mel Kiper Jr. are like the Jerry Lewis of football…you only see them once a year so you sure do look forward to that occasion (sadly of course Lewis’ MDA Telethon…once a Labor Day Weekend staple of Americana…has now quietly faded away). However, they have now introduced Jon Gruden, Todd McShay, & Ray Lewis into the mix (and apparently eased out Tom Jackson), and I found Gruden & “Shooter” Lewis to be rather grating. They love the sound of their own voices and seem far too pleased with their alleged expertise. By the 3rd round the guys on ESPN weren’t even paying attention to the announcement of the draft choices anymore, so I flipped over to NFL Network and found their coverage to be much more focused, cerebral, & low-key. Maybe next year I’ll cut the ESPN cord completely on draft weekend.
• The Cleveland Browns did the right thing by not taking QB Johnny Manziel at the #4 spot and instead grabbing him with the 22nd choice in the first round. I still think it’s 50/50 as to whether he’ll be a superstar or a complete bust. He’s too small and I’m not a fan of his selfish & arrogant demeanor. I am not at all sure that he can withstand the pounding of NFL defenses. But if he does fail miserably atleast it’ll be in Cleveland, and I will laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh…lol.
• During the 2nd round of the draft Commissioner Fidel Goodell introduces legends/Hall-of-Famers from each franchise to announce their team’s draft pick: Marvin Harrison for the Colts, Chad Pennington for the Jets, Aeneas Williams for the Cardinals, Mike Singletary for the Bears, Herman Moore for the Lions, etc. were some of this year’s guests. Anyway, I have an idea. Next year they should let the biggest disappointment/embarrassment for each team make the pick: Jamarcus Russell for the Raiders, Rae Carruth (live from prison) for the Carolina Panthers, Ryan Leaf for the Chargers, Tony Mandarich for the Packers, former coach Bobby Petrino for the Falcons, Akili Smith & KiJana Carter together for the Bengals, Art Schlichter for the Colts (also from prison), Lawrence Phillips for the Rams (he’s in prison too!!). OJ Simpson (from prison…of course) could announce picks for both the Buffalo Bills & San Francisco 49ers. This would be a ratings bonanza. Make it happen NFL.
• After 41 years on this planet and nearly as long as a Pittsburgh Steelers fan I finally had an epiphany about The Steeler Way during the draft. Whereas most teams assign a particular value to individual players the Steelers focus on the value of each position, and obviously they believe that the most valuable position is linebacker. For the second year in a row the Steelers spent their 1st round draft pick on a linebacker. In 2013 it was Jarvis Jones from Georgia and this year it was Ryan Shazier from Ohio St. I don’t have a huge problem with the Shazier pick…I just didn’t think it was necessary with Jones, Lawrence Timmons, Jason Worilds, & a few other young guys in the mix already. The vast majority of Steeler fans were expecting them to choose a much needed cornerback in one of the first couple of rounds, but instead they waited until the 5th round to pick CB Shaquille Richardson from Arizona. What that tells me is that the suits in The ‘Burgh don’t think there is that big of a difference between a 1st round corner and a 5th round corner. A few years ago I would have just went along with that logic and assumed the powers-that-be knew what they were doing…but these days I’m not so sure.
• Some possible steals: QB Logan Thomas from Virginia Tech to the Arizona Cardinals in the 4th round, RB Lache Seastrunk from Baylor to the Washington Redskins in the 6th round, RB Ka’Deem Carey from Arizona to the Chicago Bears in the 4th round, QB AJ McCarron from Alabama to the Cincinnati Bengals in the 5th round, QB Zach Mettenberger from LSU to the Tennessee Titans in the 6th round, CB Keith McGill from Utah to the Oakland Raiders in the 4th round, & G David Yankey from Stanford to the Minnesota Vikings in the 5th round.

If there is one thing that we have learned from the Donald Sterling scandal it is that NBA owners do not really own their team. They are actually owners of 3.33% of the league, and if the other 96.67% of ownership decides to turn on a fellow owner it’s all over. I don’t necessarily have an issue with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver banning Donald Sterling for life, and I won’t disagree when the rest of the owners vote to make him sell the team. It is what is best for business. In reality the man is 82 years old & obviously not well, so it was probably a matter of time before the Los Angeles Clippers ended up with new ownership anyway. And let us not shed a tear for Sterling or his family, all of whom will become even wealthier when the team purchased for $12 million in 1981 is sold for a half billion. Having said that, recent events do concern me just a little. Look…very few people would even try to defend the inane racist ramblings of a guy like Sterling. He’s an old kook who seems to have lost a few too many of his marbles. But imagine if the bank could come and repo your car or evict you from your house…not for being delinquent in your payments but because they disagree with your sociopolitical opinions. That’s not the America that I know & love…it’s fascism. I understand that a professional sports league is a unique entity. As an owner Donald Sterling, to a degree, represents the team, the league, & the city of Los Angeles. I understand that his belief system is not deemed appropriate by most anyone with a lick of sense. However it is also my understanding that Donald Sterling did not commit a crime. Actually the fact is that Sterling’s racist tendencies have been well known for many years and there have been instances in the past where he probably did commit crimes by way of housing discrimination and the NBA turned a blind eye. But now, when the actual crime committed was by the “girlfriend” who secretly taped Sterling’s conversations, the NBA decides to take drastic action to cover their rear ends in the midst of a public relations nightmare. As I said, hardly anyone would even attempt to support Donald Sterling’s idiocy, but what if losing everything you own because a person you trusted clandestinely recorded your deepest personal thoughts becomes commonplace?? What if just about everybody in the country was cheering your demise?? It is easy to revel in Donald Sterling’s implosion because he is just about the least sympathetic character imaginable…but what if it happened to you?? It’s a slippery slope…one that we must be aware of and concerned about in 21st century America.

I have watched only a couple Pittsburgh Pirates games in the past month. As I feared last season’s “breakthrough” and the end of two decades of losing was just a mirage. This team isn’t there yet and I’m beginning to doubt whether they ever will be. They lack a killer instinct. They lack the will to win. The pitching isn’t nearly as dominant as it should be after concentrating on that aspect of the game with the draft & the farm system over the past several years. And there is very little offense. They are averaging 3.91 runs/game. The division leading Milwaukee Brewers are averaging 4.02 runs/game. The Detroit Tigers & San Francisco Giants…currently the two best teams in baseball…are scoring 4.85 and 4.18 runs/game respectively. These may seem like miniscule statistical differences, but baseball is a game of statistics. If Player A gets 150 hits in 500 at bats during a season that’s .93 hits/game and a .300 batting average, which probably means he’s an All-Star and over the course of an entire career possibly a Hall-of-Famer. Meanwhile, if Player B gets just 130 hits in 500 at bats it is .80 hits/game, a .260 batting average, and over the course of a career would be looked at as quite prosaic. Twenty hits less in the span of 162 games and look at the difference in perception. It’s the difference between winning two World Series in the past decade…like the Boston Red Sox, San Francisco Giants, & St. Louis Cardinals have all done…and the Pirates.

I suppose I need to comment on this whole Michael Sam thing…..
Essentially what everything boils down to is that ESPN and others in the media deserve nearly all of the blame for any negativity that has landed at the feet of Michael Sam. For those who may have been off the grid in the past week Sam was a defensive end for the Missouri Tigers. He was named the SEC Defensive Player of the Year for 2013, but due to his small stature and other pedestrian measurables was deemed a fringe NFL prospect. In February he “came out” publically in an interview (not surprisingly on ESPN) because announcing to the whole world that you are gay has become a rite of passage for all level of celebrities in 21st century America, which is my main problem with the whole thing. I am physically disabled and have spent my entire life trying to just fit in. I don’t like calling attention to myself. I just want to be treated normally…like everyone else. That quest has been a defining aspect of everything I have ever done. The “LBGT community” will say that what they want is equality & fairness, but it seems like what they truly desire is to be celebrated and treated like trailblazing heroes. ESPN’s coverage of Michael Sam has been somewhat disconcerting. A lot of folks were kvetching about Sam kissing his boyfriend when he was drafted, but my question is why were there cameras there in the first place?? I watch the NFL Draft every year. By the 4th round talking heads like Mel Kiper Jr. & Todd McShay have completely lost interest in keeping up with the picks as they are announced and are still yapping on & on about top guys like Johnny Manziel & Jadeveon Clowney. I can’t ever remember them having cameras on a 7th round draft choice as he receives the phone call from the team selecting him. So why does Michael Sam get that kind of coverage?? Because he is gay?? That’s not equality…that’s putting someone up on a pedestal they haven’t earned. And then people wonder why there is anger & frustration. It must be nice for Michael Sam to know that he is a virtual lock to make the St. Louis Rams, and make no mistake…he will be on the team when the season starts. The NFL, ESPN, and the entire leftist media have too much invested at this point for Sam to fail. Good for him. I wish him well. He is a good football player. Most of them are at that level. I just hope for his sake that someday his playing skills will be the center of attention and not his sexual preference…something that should have never become an issue in the first place.

Winning & Musing…..Volume 8.13

Welcome to the first edition of W&M in nearly four months!! It’s not that there hasn’t been anything about which I wished to kvetch about, and I definitely haven’t quit watching sports…I guess there just wasn’t anything going on that I was all that passionate about or that I haven’t talked about before so I decided to wait until The Voices told me there was enough to justify a new edition. Today we put a bow on the baseball season and ponder a few football topics both college and pro. So sit down in your easy chair, put the TV on mute, sip on a cold beverage, and join me on a brief yet pleasurable journey.

Citizens of The Manoverse know that I am not a fan of NFL Commissioner Fidel Goodell. He has let the whole concussion lawsuit situation cloud his judgment and instituted rules that have altered the game that I love to such a degree that it is almost unrecognizable in comparison to what it was just a decade ago. But the good thing about rules is that they can be tweaked. I have seen numerous “targeting” penalties called this season that were just plain bogus. Sometimes no one in their right mind can figure out what in the world the official was thinking when he made such a heinous call. Oftentimes though one can atleast see a grain of logic in that in real time & at full speed the play looks violent and closely resembles the kind of legitimately unnecessary hits the powers-that-be are trying to eliminate, but upon further review it turns out that the defender led with a shoulder or hit the receiver in the chest. The problem is that whether or not these bad calls get overturned…even when they are reviewed…still seems to be a toss-up. That needs to change in 2014. Officials obviously need better training on what does and does not constitute targeting.

Congratulations to the 2013 World Series Champions…the Boston Red Sox. It seems like only yesterday that we were hearing about The Curse of the Bambino and how the Sox hadn’t won a Series since 1918, and now they have won three titles in the past decade. Truthfully I didn’t watch most of the baseball post-season after my Pittsburgh Pirates were ousted by the St. Louis Cardinals. I was talking with a Pirates fan who said that they would now be cheering on the Cards since they were the team that beat the Pirates and I completely disagree with that logic. I never root for the team that beat MY team!! I hate the team that beat my team. At any rate, I’ve had a soft spot for the Red Sox for many years now ever since the Pirates were going thru their 20 years of futility. Back then the Sox were lovable losers plus the archrivals of the despised New York Yankees…a win-win in my book. So even though they can’t legitimately retain underdog status anymore I was still glad to see them win, especially since it was the Cardinals that were defeated.

I don’t necessarily have an issue with the NCAA overtime rules, although I do like the NFL’s overtime better. However, I would tweak the college OT just a bit. Instead of giving teams the ball on their opponent’s 25 yard line I’d move the ball back to the 35. That would atleast necessitate trying to get one first down before kicking a field goal.

What happened to the young son of running back Adrian Peterson is a genuine tragedy. I sincerely hope that the man responsible for beating an innocent child to death pays to the greatest extent allowable by the law. However, that is up to the courts to decide and most certainly a topic not in my wheelhouse. What is germane to this forum though is Peterson himself. I think this particular situation exposed not only Adrian Peterson, but the flawed mentality of many sports fans. No one knows anything about the other people involved in this case…the child, the mother, the sick freak who perpetrated the crime. But we do know Adrian Peterson. Afterall, we see him on TV every weekend toting the rock for the Minnesota Vikings. So naturally a lot of public comments by well-meaning fans on Twitter, on message boards, and in the comments section of various articles about the story expressed sympathy for Peterson. And then when he decided to go ahead and play in a game just a few days after the child’s death it was deemed by the masses as an heroic act by a grieving father. But the truth always comes out, and the truth is that Adrian Peterson is a manwhore who has fathered multiple children with multiple women. He didn’t even know this child was his until recently. I think I may have even read that when he visited this little boy in the hospital that it was the first time he’d ever actually seen the child. Don’t misunderstand…the circumstances don’t make the senseless death of an innocent baby at the hands of a horrible, vile, unredeemable piece of garbage any less heartbreaking, but they do make me far less inclined to have much sympathy for Peterson, and certainly puts his decision to play football in perspective. Football is Adrian Peterson’s priority…not his children. He is just another (apparently quite fertile) human being capable of biologically creating a human life but with no real grasp of what it takes to actually be a father. There’s nothing heroic about that.

I have become firmly convinced that the Washington Redskins will eventually be…persuaded…to change their name. The forces of political correctness are lining up against them and if recent history has taught us anything it is that a vocal fringe minority, with assistance from an all too compliant left wing media, can achieve amazing things when they decide to assign a certain level of importance to an issue. This whole “controversy” has been undeniably fabricated by a handful of bleeding heart liberals. A 2002 Sports Illustrated poll of American Indians found that 75% had no issue with the Redskins name. A 2004 poll by the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania concluded that 91% of American Indians surveyed were not offended by it. And a 2013 USA Today poll indicated that 79% of the general population felt that the team should not change their name. Majority rules, right?? Oh no no no no…not when dealing with liberals. I don’t watch ESPN’s First Take all that much these days because I have the choice of watching a rerun of that morning’s Mike & Mike or Colin Cowherd’s show The Herd on ESPNU, both of which are significantly more entertaining options than Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless bloviating about the sports stories du jour. But I did happen to catch a segment of First Take recently in which they were discussing this very issue, and Bayless said something along the lines of if even one Native American is offended by the Redskins moniker then it should be changed. That’s liberal logic folks…75%, 91%, 79% don’t matter. The left seeks to appease the 10-20% instead of respecting the wishes of the masses. It is a perfect illustration of what has happened to this once great nation over the past few decades and why.

The 4 team NCAA football playoff can’t get here soon enough. The BCS (emphasis on BS) ends after this season and it is long overdue. Right now there are five…maybe six…teams with a legitimate claim of being the best in the country, but because of the BCS only two will have an opportunity to play for the trophy. Ohio State…even if they go undefeated again and finish 25-0 over the course of two seasons…is unlikely to play in the championship game because The Big Ten (which has 12 teams) is perceived as being “down” this year. I have watched Baylor play and they are a beast, but because The Big 12 (which has 10 teams) doesn’t get a whole lot of respect they have no shot at the title even if they go undefeated. Stanford and Oregon play each other this week, but even if Stanford wins they are unlikely to be in the mix. Basically it is all going to boil down to Alabama (who’ll get into the championship game even if they lose a game) and either Oregon (if they beat Stanford) or Florida State (if Oregon loses). But if this were next year we could look forward to a playoff featuring ‘Bama, Oregon, Florida State, and either Ohio State or Baylor. That, my friends, would rock.

Adrian Peterson — Alleged Child Murderer Released from Jail (tmz.com)
Adrian Peterson still looking to break Emmitt’s record (espn.go.com)
Former OU star Adrian Peterson’s season has evolved from great to frustrating (star-telegram.com)
Vikings’ motivated Adrian Peterson has Emmitt Smith’s rushing record squarely in his sights (bostonherald.com)
Yo Adrian: Bills RB Spiller has 2,000-yard goal (bigstory.ap.org)
5 things to note after Panthers defeat Vikings (bigstory.ap.org)
Adrian Peterson knows he has to do more (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)
Adrian Peterson active and will play today (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com)

An Honest Evaluation of the 2013 Pittsburgh Pirates

Monday September 23, 2013 was the perfect microcosm of the 2013 Pittsburgh Pirates and my feelings about their season. The Pirates had just defeated the Chicago Cubs and the talking heads on Root Sports seemed to be finishing up their coverage as usual when they made mention that they were going to remain on the air for awhile longer. I forget exactly what was said but there seemed to be some vibe of anticipation. I soon found out that if the St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Washington Nationals the Pirates would clinch a wild card spot and play in the post-season for the first time in over two decades. But wait…I was confused. We are hoping that the Cardinals win?? Huh?? At the time the Pirates were only 2 games behind the Cards with five games remaining. A division title was still very much within reach. Tough yes…but more than doable. A Cardinals loss that night would have cut the lead down another half game, and yet here Pirate Nation was hoping for a Nationals loss so we could be assured atleast a 3^rd place finish. After the Cards won and the wild card was clinched the Pirates’ players & coaches were shown in the locker room jumping & screaming and popping champagne bottles as if they’d just won The World Series, when in reality all they’d won was 3^rd place. Not only was I left cold, I was viscerally angry. Champions don’t celebrate 3^rd place.

As it turns out the Pirates ended up finishing second in the division and hosted the Cincinnati Reds in MLB’s new play-in game. I guess they officially classify it as the first round of the playoffs, but let’s be honest…it’s a play-in game and shouldn’t really be considered part of the playoffs. Even though the Pirates won that contest I have still decided that I am not a fan of this play-in game. I bet fans of the Cincinnati Reds and Cleveland Indians would agree. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig escapes being the biggest joke in professional sports only because that idiot Roger Goodell exists. I’ll be ecstatic when they both go away. The Pirates went on to lose a divisional playoff series to the Cardinals in 5 games. The two games at PNC Park in Pittsburgh saw boisterous sold-out crowds who had been starving for success on the baseball field for so long that they were deliriously happy to support their Buccos, but unfortunately the last of those sell-outs went to waste when the Pirates ran into a buzz saw named Michael Wacha, a rookie pitcher who threw a 1 hitter and pushed the series to a deciding 5^th game in St. Louis. I knew then that the season was over. That Game 4 was the golden opportunity to move on and it didn’t happen. There was no way that the Cardinals were going to lose an elimination game at home with ace Adam Wainwright on the mound. Zero chance.

So now the Pirates’ season is over and the question is…can it be defined as being successful?? There are 30 teams in Major League Baseball and only 1 of them is left standing holding the World Series trophy, so by definition 29 teams fall short of the goal. However, for many there are various levels of success. For the Pirates ending two decades of futility and playing post-season baseball for the first time since I was in college and Bill Clinton was in The White House should certainly qualify as a huge step in the right direction. The years of completely rebuilding over & over again look like they are done. A solid foundation is in place and now it is just a matter of doing some tweaking. I am reading a lot of things in the news and on social media about the Pirates great season and I cannot argue the point. But at the same time I do not think that they are yet on the level of really good teams like the Cardinals, Braves, Red Sox, Yankees, & Dodgers. I wouldn’t be shocked if the Pittsburgh Pirates get over the hump and win their division in 2014…but I’d be equally as unsurprised if they win 82 games and finish in 4^th place, which a year ago would have been acceptable but a year from now just won’t be satisfactory. Now is the time for the front office, the players, the coaches, and the fans to decide…is this good enough?? Is it okay to have a winning record & secure a wild card but have no realistic opportunity to genuinely compete with the truly elite teams?? I mean sure, it beats finishing in the cellar, being the butt of jokes, and the season essentially being over by the All-Star break. But I guess I am a bit greedy. I want more. I sincerely believe this team can achieve more.

I think the Pirates can do better than having 36 year old AJ Burnett, with a 10-11 record and a 3.3 ERA, as the ace of their pitching staff. Gerritt Cole needs to seize that role and become the Pittsburgh equivalent of Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer, or Clayton Kershaw. I give the suits credit for pulling the trigger on trades that brought first baseman Justin Morneau and outfielder Marlon Byrd to Pittsburgh, but both are band-aids at best. Byrd has reached the end of a 1 year contract but I wouldn’t mind seeing him stick around another season as an extra bat. Morneau, on the other hand, seems far removed from the skill & talent he had when named the American League MVP in 2006 and I am not sure he is worth the price tag or a roster spot. I think the Pirates can do better than oft-injured 34 year old pitcher Wandy Rodriguez. I think the Pirates can do better than Jose Tabata’s .282 batting average & 6 home runs. I think they can do better than players like shortstop Clint Barmes and pitcher Charlie Morton. If my information is correct then Burnett, Morneau, & Rodriguez are the highest paid players on the team and all are expendable. That isn’t a bad thing.

There is a solid nucleus in place for a good long run: outfielders Andrew McCutchen, Starling Marte, Andrew Lambo, & Garret Jones, infielders Neil Walker, Gaby Sanchez, & Pedro Alvarez, catchers Russell Martin (the best free agent the Pirates have signed in many years) & Tony Sanchez, and pitchers Cole, Francisco Liriano, Mark Melancon, & Jason Grilli. Jettisoning those three highest paid players that I mentioned would free up over $43 million, part of which I would use to sign a big time third baseman. Alvarez can hit the snot out of the ball but is a defensive liability so a move to first base might not be a bad idea. The jury is still out on 26 year old shortstop Jordy Mercer. He had his moments in 2013, hitting .285 with 8 home runs, but if the opportunity to upgrade presented itself I’d go for it. And of course another arm…or two…or three…would be helpful. 21 year old right hander Jameson Taillon is expected to be a stud and would be a welcome addition to the rotation in 2014.

At the end of the day I realize that I am in the minority. I am glad that the losing streak is over and my favorite team is headed in a positive direction. I am happy for the players and the fans that there was playoff baseball in Pittsburgh this October. I really like Pirates manager Clint Hurdle. I realize there is good reason for much optimism. But part of me is holding back and there are two reasons. First, two decades of futility have beaten me up to the point that I need to see another year of this success to wrap my head around its validity. As mentioned, in my mind it is just as likely that the Pirates take a step backward as it is they improve in 2014. And secondly, I cannot get that September 23^rd champagne celebration out of my head. I cannot overstate how much that bothered me. Is this a team that is satisfied with a wild card?? Do we really want to have to roll the dice on a one game all-or-nothing scenario again?? Or will this team add some pieces and develop the championship mentality of the best teams in sports wherein nothing but being in The World Series will do?? We’ll see.

Pirates’ Cole doesn’t lament loss (stltoday.com)
Proud to be a Pirates Fan (fromforbestofederal.com)
Raising the Jolly Roger (iheartpgh.com)
Cardinals beat Pirates 6-1 in Game 5 to win NLDS (sacbee.com)
Wednesdays not too great in Pirates history (stltoday.com)
A.J. Burnett, Gerrit Cole (bigstory.ap.org)
Rejuvenated Liriano leading Pirates (bigstory.ap.org)
Kovacevic: An end, but also a new beginning (triblive.com)

A Few Book Recommendations for Baseball Fans

Sometimes I surprise myself by the predilections that I develop seemingly out of the mist. I have always fancied myself somewhat of a renaissance man who is interested in a wide range of subjects, which I generally consider a positive though I have noticed over the years that truly successful people seem to have tunnel vision and a laser focus on their vocation of choice. At any rate, this “variety is the spice of life” attitude spreads to the bookshelves in The Bachelor Palace as well, where one can find biographies of Founding Fathers alongside the Harry Potter series, books about agricultural science & history on the same shelf as Hemingway, and Shakespeare sharing space with The Hunger Games.

At any rate I have…somewhat to my bewilderment…amassed quite a collection of baseball biographies. This is surprising to me because my feelings about baseball have been tepid at best for quite awhile, although as simple as it sounds and as trivial as it may seem to some I think the success thus far of the 2013 Pittsburgh Pirates has me on the verge of falling in deep like with our national pastime once again. However, I also think it wise to look a bit deeper because you see my bookshelves are not filled with recent biographies about contemporary players like Derek Jeter, Mike Piazza, John Smoltz, or RA Dickey. Cheating scandals & rampant drug use still cause me to be a bit jaded about the modern game of baseball. Instead what you’ll find lining the walls of The Bachelor Palace are tomes about hallowed names of yesteryear…Ruth, Aaron, Mays, Mantle, Maris, Musial.

If I could hope in the ol’ DeLorean and go back in time I think one of the places I might like to visit would be the world of baseball during its golden age. I’d like to catch some games at places like Ebbets Field or The Polo Grounds, see teams like The Gashouse Gang & The Whiz Kids, and watch Hall of Famers like Dizzy Dean, Pie Traynor, & Pee Wee Reese. Why?? That’s an excellent question that I may address more in depth at some other time. For now it will suffice to say that our collective bromance with this bygone era and the quintessential American game that helped define it seems eternal and that’s okay with me.

Which is all a longwinded precursor to me endorsing three excellent baseball biographies that I have read in years past and that are likely to be enjoyed by any baseball fan. There will be sequels on this particular topic, but I think it best to just whet your appetite right now with a few recommendations:

Clemente: The Passion and Grace of Baseball’s Last Hero

Unfortunately one of the most beloved Pittsburgh Pirates of all time died in a tragic plane crash on New Year’s Eve 1972 when I was just 2 months old. However, growing up as a Pirates fan and living just a couple of hours from Pittsburgh means that I have heard a lot about Roberto Clemente my entire life. The Pirates organization has done an excellent job of keeping his memory alive over the past 40 years and recognizing what a truly special talent he was. However, one need not be a Pirates fan to enjoy this first-rate biography about Clemente written by David Maraniss, whose biography about Green Bay Packers football coach Vince Lombardi called When Pride Still Mattered is still one of the best books of any genre I have ever read. That combined with my admiration for what I’d always heard about Clemente were what prompted me to purchase this book about 5 years ago. This is a well written & engrossing story that is reverent & respectful yet honest about its subject. Clemente was somewhat neurotic & sensitive and felt the weight of being a black latino superstar. He was often treated shabbily by the press but could give as good as he got. In other words Clemente was a flawed human being just like the rest of us. That being said, his nobility & kindness shines through as well. And the author doesn’t shortchange the baseball aspect of things. I sometimes feel as though Roberto Clemente is overlooked in discussions about the greats of the game, with only long time Pirates fans willing to reserve for him his proper place among the baseball immortals. The fact is that not only should Clemente rank right up there with the best that ever played game, but he could have been even better if not for various physical ailments that plagued him throughout life. This is a book that should be read not only by anyone who calls themselves a Pittsburgh Pirates fan, but also by everyone who loves the game of baseball.

Luckiest Man: The Life and Death of Lou Gehrig

When I was in college I had the opportunity to take a class about sports movies. Yes that really is a thing…and it was awesome. We watched Knute Rocke: All American (with future President Ronald Reagan as The Gipper), The Natural, and Rocky…among others. But I think my favorite may have been Pride of the Yankees starring Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig. Most people know two things about Gehrig. They know that he was baseball’s “Iron Man”, having played in 2130 consecutive games between 1925 & 1939 (a record that stood for 56 years until Cal Ripken Jr. broke it in 1995), and they know that he died at age 37 from the debilitating muscle disease that now bears his name. But there is so much more to Gehrig and this book tells the story well. Many who have seen Pride of the Yankees may attribute the perception we have of Gehrig as a soft spoken, humble, down-to-earth guy to Gary Cooper’s wide-eyed, aw shucks, boy-next-door portrayal, but what the reader of Luckiest Man begins to understand is that Cooper’s portrayal was an extremely accurate representation of who Gehrig truly was. That’s not to say that Gehrig was perfect. He was a timid momma’s boy that didn’t mesh all that well with outgoing & gregarious teammate Babe Ruth and was caught in the middle of a lifelong tug-of-war between his mother and his wife that many more…forceful…men might have put the kibosh on pretty quick. But hey…we all have our issues, right?? The best endorsement I can give this book is that I am a lifelong hater of everything NY Yankees and because of the movie and this book I actually respect Lou Gehrig. You will too.

Joe DiMaggio : The Hero’s Life

Another Yankee?? Hmmm…maybe it’s just the modern day Yankees that I hate. If I had been around 60 years ago I might actually be a Yankee fan. Anyway, I remember when this biography came out about 13 years ago it was pretty controversial. Joltin’ Joe had always been a national treasure…a hero to Italian Americans, the apple of every girl’s eye, and the envy of every red-blooded male because of his graceful athletic skill and later his marriage to goddess Marilyn Monroe. Even in retirement he became the folksy pitchman for Mr. Coffee in the 1970’s & 80’s. But author Richard Ben Cramer lays waste to the DiMaggio mythos and exposes our hero as being yet another very flawed individual (I’m sensing a theme). The DiMaggio we read about here is an often petty, usually vain, sometimes bitter, frequently materialistic, largely unhappy man with an overinflated ego and a suspicious nature that had a negative impact on most of his personal relationships. The Hero’s Life is a stark reminder that just because someone can run fast, hit hard, or handle a ball with deft skill doesn’t mean they are a nice person. I suppose with guys like Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Kobe Bryant, & Alex Rodriguez around we are all well aware of that fact, but it is interesting to realize that such phonies have been around for many many decades and fascinating to compare & contrast how technology doesn’t allow such individuals to hide their hypocrisy too well these days, whereas in DiMaggio’s time he & a complicit media were quite successful in creating a graceful, classy, refined image. Some may think Cramer’s book to be harsh or even malicious, but I generally found it to be insightful & fair. It is most definitely a page turner and a must read for every baseball fan.

It Happened in Pittsburgh: Biography Facts about Roberto Clemente (local.answers.com)
The Early Life of Baseball Legend Roberto Clemente (local.answers.com)

Winning & Musing…..Volume 7.13

And we’re back!! After a brief summer “vacation” (during which I have traveled absolutely nowhere) the urge to write is back. There are a lot of things on the docket, but I’ll get back into the swing of things with some thoughts on sports that I have been pondering. In today’s exciting episode I begrudgingly say nice things about people I usually don’t say nice things about, put a bow on two major sports seasons, and pontificate about whatever else pops into my scattered brain. Join me…you know you want to.

Contrary to the mantra that ESPN likes to perpetuate I have not nor will I ever forget Lebron James’ “Decision” debacle. He will always reside in my own personal pantheon of sports figures I love to hate, alongside guys like Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest, Tom Brady, Jeff Gordon, anyone associated with the New York Yankees, and pretty much the entire SEC. James sold out his own hometown in just about the worst way possible, all in the name of riches in the form of NBA titles. He’s got two of them now, but I still don’t know how he sleeps at night. Yeah yeah yeah…probably quite comfortably, possibly rolling around in a bed full of cash.

I sincerely don’t have any problem with the New England Patriots signing Tim Tebow. Neither party has anything to lose, and if there is any evil genius in the universe who can figure out a way to successfully utilize Tebow’s unique skill set in the NFL it’s Bill Belichick. However, I would be shocked if the role that Tebow fills is that of primary backup quarterback.

Kudos to the Boston Celtics for hiring the much heralded Brad Stevens as their next head coach. There is a tremendous possibility that Stevens will fail spectacularly and end up back in college within a few years, but even then he’d likely end up at a big time school like Indiana, Duke (Coach K is 66 years old), or some other program much higher on the food chain than Butler. However, I think it is just as possible that Stevens will be a solid NBA head coach that leads the Celtics back to the top of the ladder someday. I happen to believe that they ended up with the better end of the bargain in the trade that sent Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, & Jason Terry (all 35 years of age or older) to the Brooklyn Nets in exchange for three 1^st round draft picks in the next five years. The Nets’ wacky Russian owner obviously wants to win right now, and that plan might work. But in 2 or 3 years it’ll be the Celtics who’ll be sitting pretty and building another great team ready to compete for championships for another decade. Will Brad Stevens be along for the ride when that happens?? I think he just might.

Congratulations to the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks. I actually watched a bit of the NHL playoffs and find myself not being as ambivalent toward hockey as I was not all that long ago. Maybe they’ll actually succeed in making me a fan…someday.

I actually watched some of the matches at Wimbledon too. Hockey and tennis?? What is happening to me?!?!??

My Pittsburgh Pirates will either be tied for first place or one game behind the St. Louis Cardinals at the All Star break, yet I am finding it difficult to really believe. After two decades of losing I suffer from a major case of battered fan syndrome. The past two seasons as a matter of fact have seen the Buccos looking good at the halfway point only to crash & burn in the second half of the season. A friend of mind asked me if I was jumping off the bandwagon after a recent 4 game swoon, but the truth is that I haven’t really been on any bandwagon. My heart has been broken too many times…often before summer has even officially begun. But the swan dive is even more painful when it comes later in the season. I am like a person who has been in a string of bad relationships and eventually closes themselves off to the possibility of love as a defense mechanism to prevent any further heartbreak. I want to love the Pirates again, but I am just so tired of being disappointed, and from an objective point of view they really do have some weaknesses. The pitching staff is solid, but they can’t win games when their own team doesn’t score. The Pirates are scoring 3.87 runs per game (25^th in MLB) and have a team batting average of .243 (.230 with runners in scoring position). That isn’t going to cut it folks. Outside of Pedro Alvarez (.314 with 24 home runs) no one on the team seems to know how to manufacture runs. When that changes then I will start to believe.

I can’t believe I defended the evil New England Patriots even once, but now I’m going to do it again. It is not the team’s fault that TE Aaron Hernandez turned out to be a wackjob (possibly even a serial killer). Yes there was ample evidence going clear back to his University of Florida days that he was a thug, but let’s be honest…that could be said about half of the NFL. The fact is that Hernandez is a freakishly talented athlete and he was a steal for the Patriots in the 4^th round of the 2010 NFL Draft. And let’s give the suits in New England credit for cutting ties with Hernandez just minutes after he was arrested.

Oh dear Lord am I ever sick & tired of hearing about Dwight Howard. To me he is an overgrown child who hasn’t and may never live up to his potential. That having been said, I think he made the right decision to shun the Los Angeles Lakers in favor of the Houston Rockets. The Lakers are too wrapped up in their history & their brand and seem oblivious to the fact that they aren’t the Showtime team of the 1980’s any longer. They are an old team that needs a major overhaul, with a coach who is too stubborn to change his system to fit the talent he’s got and an owner who seems to be in way over his head. Not only are the Lakers not anywhere near an elite NBA team at the moment, but they aren’t even the best team in Los Angeles. Conversely the Rockets are a team on the rise. I have my doubts as to whether Dwight Howard is the piece of the puzzle who will put them over the top, but on paper it is a marriage that makes a lot of sense right now.

New England Patriots to sign Tim Tebow (blogs.nfl.com)
New England Patriots Release Aaron Hernandez (laces0ut.com)
Top-10 Most Heartbreaking Losses During the Decade of Dominance (nesportsblog.com)
Ice Cube Puts Dwight Howard On Blast For Leaving L.A. Lakers (amp.cbslocal.com)
Rockets introduce Dwight Howard in Houston (khou.com)
The Pittsburgh Pirates: From A to Z (espn.go.com)
Pirates Poor PR Aggravates Fans (zeebloggers.wordpress.com)
Brad Stevens is worth a shot for Celtics (nba.si.com)
Brad Stevens leaves Butler for Celtics job (wgnradio.com)
Brad Stevens Is Ready Too Rebuild The Boston Celtics (soshitech.com)

Just Another Losing Season…or Not

Oops…they did it again. They played with my heart. They lost a lot of games. But hey, I should have known better so I’m not completely innocent.

One year ago today I wrote here in this space that there was reason for optimism but that I had very little faith that the front office of the Pittsburgh Pirates is capable of putting together a winning team. I begged them to prove me wrong. They didn’t.

Oh sure they had a lot of folks fooled for awhile…even me. On August 8, 2012 the Pirates were 16 games over .500 and in the thick of the hunt for an NL wild card. It looked like the worst case scenario was a 3^rd place division finish, narrowly losing out on a playoff berth, and finishing with a winning record for the first time since the Bush 41 administration. I think most fans could have lived with that. I wrote back in the middle of July that “I just hope they don’t fold like a cheap suit like they did in 2011”, but also apprehensively noted that the general consensus seemed to be that that would not happen. The general consensus was wrong. I began to get a bad feeling in the middle of August when the Pirates dropped 2 out of 3 to the San Diego Padres, a team even worse than the Buccos, at PNC Park. Then they lost 3 out of 4 to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Less than a week later they were swept by the Padres in San Diego. That’s when I knew it was over. Winners don’t lose games they are supposed to win. That is how quickly it all fell apart…within two weeks. I thought the past 19 years had been painful, but now I am not sure which is worse…knowing for sure that a team is horrible and has no chance to be competitive, or believing there is a chance for some small sliver of success only to see it inexplicably implode.

So now even the “worst case scenario” isn’t happening. The Pirates will finish 2012 with a losing record for the 20^th straight season. They will finish in 4^th place in their division. There are individual bright spots. Outfielder Andrew McCutchen is a star who is going to narrowly lose the National League batting title. The long awaited debut season of young OF Starling Marte has given fans reason for optimism. Pitchers Jameson Taillon and Gerrit Cole are still in the minors, but I would not be shocked to see them both on the big club sometime in 2013. However, at this point it is difficult to get excited about anything when it comes to the Pirates. There seems to be something systemically wrong. I used to blame owner Kevin McClatchy, but new owner (since 2007) Bob Nutting has been only marginally more successful. I used to blame managers, of which there have been several in the past two decades (Jim Leyland, Gene Lamont, Lloyd McClendon, Jim Tracy, John Russell, and now Clint Hurdle). But Leyland (who did lead the Pirates to three straight NLCS before Barry Bonds left Pittsburgh and all this futility began) has gone on to be quite successful with the Detroit Tigers (where McClendon and Lamont are on his staff), even leading them to one World Series. He also led the Florida Marlins to the World Series championship in 1997. Jim Tracy now manages the Colorado Rockies. The Rockies are about as good as the Pirates these days, but back in 2009 in Tracy’s first year they were good enough to get him named NL Manager of the Year. The evidence seems to support the idea that it doesn’t matter how good a manager is…he cannot be successful in Pittsburgh. One cannot help but wonder which lucky team will win a World Series with Clint Hurdle at the helm after his inevitable departure from the Pirates.

I don’t buy the “small market” excuse either. The Pirates have always been one of the least wealthy teams in MLB, yet they still won World Series in 1909, 1925, 1960, 1971, and 1979. They have won multiple division crowns and league pennants. Other small market teams like Oakland, Tampa Bay, Milwaukee, Cincinnati, Baltimore, and Seattle have all been more competitive than Pittsburgh the past two decades.

The question then is…if it isn’t ownership, management, or the economics of baseball, then what the hell is the problem?? Why haven’t the Pittsburgh Pirates been able to put together atleast a couple of successful, winning seasons in the past 20 years?? Dear Lord…even a broken clock is right twice a day for Pete’s sake!!

Quite honestly I don’t know the answer, and I am not inclined to waste time & energy trying to figure it out. One of the saddest things I see on TV is the sight of post-game analysts Kent Tekulve (who was one heck of a closer in his day) & Paul Alexander, not to mention game announcers Tim Neverett, Bob Walk, Greg Brown, John Wehner, & Steve Blass, trying to resolutely stay professional & upbeat while continuously having to explain away the latest loss and point out anything remotely positive. Holy cow that job has to totally suck. I mean really…how does one come up with the words to put an optimistic spin on a loss 82+ TIMES?? One of these days when someone asks a goofy question on the Ask Teke segment of the post-game show I half expect Tekulve to go postal, throwing down his microphone and screaming “What the hell do you want me to say?? There’s nothing more I can say!! They suck!! This is not a major league team!!”. That would be the most entertaining thing I’ve seen on a Pirates broadcast since 1992, which of course means it’ll never happen.

Unfortunately the Pirates have the nicest baseball stadium in the country and fans keep flocking to it, meaning the owners are making a profit each year despite losing a ton of games. As long as that is the case I doubt very seriously any kind of significant money will be spent for any major upgrades. That means, fellow Pirates fans, that what you see is what you are going to get for the foreseeable future. The only hope we have is that the young players they have drafted develop into legitimate stars. Can a team with McCutchen, Marte, Taillon, & Cole and a bunch of role players right the ship?? I’m not holding my breath. I think they need atleast two more position players who can hit and one additional pitcher, and the powers-that-be have demonstrated an inability to make good trades and an unwillingness to sign anything other than subpar bench warmers in free agency. A pattern is beginning to develop. The PR machine will try to get the fanbase excited in the spring (“This is our year!!”). The team will show signs of life clear thru July and maybe into August. And then the inevitable implosion will happen, complete with lame excuses like “So & so got inured” or “The pitchers arms got tired”. Lather, rinse, repeat. I hate to say this ladies & gentlemen, but after 20 years we might only be halfway thru this losing streak. I hope I am wrong, but I honestly don’t think I am. I’ll say what I said one year ago to the Pirates brass…prove me wrong. I don’t think you can.

Starkey: Nutting but endorsements from Pirates (triblive.com)
You: Pittsburgh Pirates Were Right to Retain Neal Huntington as General Manager (bleacherreport.com)
Former Pittsburgh Pirates Owner Comes Out As Gay (thinkprogress.org)
How Clueless is Pirates Assistant GM Kyle Stark? (keystonesportsspot.wordpress.com)
Pirates fever (hardballtimes.com)
Pirates get no-hit, have 20th straight losing year (miamiherald.com)
10 Average MLB Players Who Turn into Stars in Big Games (bleacherreport.com)
Pittsburgh Pirates lose to New York Mets 0-6 – MLB Recap (blogs.bettor.com)
Pirates highlights, lowlights from 1993-2011 (triblive.com)
Oh, Buccos, how you torture us (triblive.com)

The Sammy Awards 2011 – Episode I: There Is No Hope

In producing the 2nd Annual Sammy Awards, I began to imagine the choices I would make if this were to become a televised awards show. I would want it to be taken a bit more seriously than MTV’s awards shows, but not be quite as demure as The Academy Awards. The telecast itself would certainly have a brisk pace, because anything over 2 hours loses the audience’s attention and reeks of self-important ostentatiousness. There would be no acceptance speeches because A) a few of these categories have far too many nominees to have in the audience, and B) there are some awards where the winner might not be especially proud of the victory. The host of the show would be actor Paul Giamatti. I believe him to be one of the more talented yet underrated actors in Hollywood, with just the right mix of gravitas, low-key sense of humor, and beleaguered animosity simmering just below the surface that I appreciate tremendously. We would be live on HBO, which would eliminate commercial interruptions, allow for abundant repeats, and create a sense of freedom that should minimize any kind of politically correct pomposity inherent in dealing with the broadcast networks. So without further ado, let us take an introspective look back at the year that was 2011 and reward the people & stories that made it another memorable ride.

To present our first award, The Manofesto is proud to introduce the cast of the classic 1985 teen dramedy The Breakfast Club: Anthony Michael Hall, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez, & Molly Ringwald. And the nominees are:

Favorite Movie (That I’ve Seen)

Little Fockers

I loved the original, and the sequel benefited from the addition of Dustin Hoffman & Barbara Streisand to the cast. However, this third battle of wills between patriarch Robert Deniro and son-in-law Ben Stiller is lacking something. It feels like it was written & produced in a hurry and unfortunately not very well. It’s an example of going to the well one too many times and trying to extract one last drop out of something that is already empty.

Bad Teacher

I really thought this movie had potential, but outside of Cameron Diaz being smoking hot it has few redeeming qualities. Diaz stars as a teacher who absolutely hates her job, but is forced to keep it after her wealthy fiancée dumps her. It is never explained why such a shallow, mean spirited malcontent chose teaching as a profession in the first place, which is a question that can’t help but baffle any viewer with a working brain as we see this 30-something woman smoke pot at school, drink like a fish, and let her students watch movies while she sleeps. I am assuming it is supposed to be funny, but I did not find myself laughing. I kept looking for a reason to root for the character (who spends much of the movie scheming to raise enough money for an expensive boob job), but there just isn’t any. Justin Timberlake (who I’ve rapidly come to really like as an actor) is decent in a supporting role, and I really enjoyed newcomer Lucy Punch as Diaz’ goody-two-shoes rival teacher. The real crime is the underutilization of very talented actor Jason Segal (How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall), who is barely an afterthought.

No Strings Attached

This is the first of two nominees where the story revolves around two pals who decide to enter into a purely physical relationship without the messy complications of romance. Starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, it’s not a bad little film, but it ain’t Shakespeare either. I was sort of surprised at the rather dramatic turn it took toward the end, and Portman has potential as a comedic actress although it clearly is not her comfort zone.

The Muppets

One might think that a 30-something year old man going to see a movie with The Muppets is kind of odd or maybe even a bit sad. I am sure all the soccer moms in the theater with their crumb crunchers might have thought it strange as well, but thank goodness I was clean shaven and not wearing a Penn St. hoodie. At any rate, there aren’t enough superlatives in the dictionary to describe what a wonderful experience this film is. Is it corny?? Sure, but that’s okay. For those of us that grew up in the 70’s & 80’s when Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzy Bear, and the rest of the gang were a ubiquitous part of pop culture it’s like being a kid again. And the angle that is taken…acknowledging that The Muppets are forgotten relics and that the world prefers edgier entertainment nowadays…is absolutely brilliant. There are wonderful cameos, smartly written in jokes about movies, and of course goofy song & dance numbers. Jason Segal (he who did not receive enough screen time in Bad Teacher) is awesome, which is a surprise because I never figured him as a musical kind of guy. Amy Adams is her usual perky self and perfectly cast.

The Hangover 2

It’s not that it’s not a funny movie…it is. The drug dealing monkey elicits some chuckles, and Zack Galifinakis is still hilarious. It’s just that the folks in charge got really really lazy…or were just afraid to take any chances…and so what we get is almost a replica of the first film, only set in Bankok instead of Vegas. The original was unique, but the sequel is just predictable and safe.

Friends With Benefits

Two decades ago the Billy Crystal/Meg Ryan classic rom-com When Harry Met Sally asked the question “Can men & women ever just be friends??”. In 2011 this was the second film to turn that question on its ear and ponder the implications of two friends having casual sex without dating or falling in love. I enjoyed this take on the situation a lot more than the aforementioned No Strings Attached, which I think can be owed to the winning charm of the two leads, Justin Timberlake & That 70’s Show’s Mila Kunis. Sure we can all see the ending coming a mile away, but it’s a fun trip.

Bridesmaids

I presume it is supposed to be The Hangover for ladies, but it falls short of the mark. SNL’s Kristin Wiig stars as a down-on-her-luck baker whose best friend is getting married. Wiig is the maid of honor and an eclectic group of ladies round out the wedding party. We see this group of women gather for several events that I guess women get into when planning the festivities. Hilarity ensues, atleast theoretically. There are some funny moments in the film, but it is a mixed bag. Wiig’s character is such a pathetic and, at times, unlikeable loser that it’s really difficult to become invested in her journey. Mike & Molly’s Melissa McCarthy steals the show as one of the bridesmaids and is the best thing about the movie.

Hall Pass

Two guys get a week long “vacation” from marriage from their frustrated wives. It’s a fresh twist on the relationship genre, and it sorta kinda works, doing so in a way one does not see coming. The two guys…Owen Wilson & SNL’s Jason Sudeikis…are okay, and the wives…Christina Applegate and The Office’s Jenna Fischer…are quite fetching. The funny twist is that the men, when given this tremendous opportunity that many middle aged dudes would kill for, totally whiff and realize just what complete losers they are, while the ladies are the ones who find out they still got it even if they are unsure they want to use it. This is a less funny, less cool version of Old School, but it isn’t a bad way to spend an evening. I could have done without that idiotic shrew Joy Behar besmirching the screen, but I got over it.

And the Sammy goes to…..

The Muppets. Honestly, toward the end when Kermit breaks out into Rainbow Connection I became so swelled with happiness & emotion that if I could have jumped out of my wheelchair and given a standing ovation I swear to God I would have (obviously that did not happen cause if it did you might have read about it in your local newspaper). I sincerely hope more Muppet movies are made and that a whole new generation grows to love them as much as their parents did. 2011 was kind of a down year for movies in my humble opinion, with the vast majority of films being crap that I had no interest in seeing and several of the ones I did see being somewhat disappointing, but The Muppets was a fine way to end the year.

There’s always time for a little comic relief, and to provide that please welcome America’s foremost conservative Christian comedian Brad Stine.

Regrettably Vice President Joe Biden had to decline our invitation to participate, but to present the next award we found a “man” who is certainly a clown and apparently knows a lot about ass. Please give a tepid welcome to soon-to-be former (thank God) U.S. Congressman Barney Frank. And the nominees are:

Assclown of the Year

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen has had what most would call an above average acting career, starring in a handful of decent movies like Red Dawn, Platoon, Major League, & Wall Street, as well as two pretty good TV shows: Spin City & Two and a Half Men. But he’s also long had a reputation as a party animal, and that reached a crescendo in 2011. Sheen apparently lost his damn mind back in the first quarter of the year, becoming a media sensation after doing a few interviews and posting some YouTube videos in which he appeared to be batshit crazy. He told the masses that he was “tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect” and said that he was indeed using a drug called Charlie Sheen. That drug, according to Sheen, is made of “tiger blood’ and “Adonis DNA”. Whether it was all an act or Charlie is genuinely nuts, eventually his behavior got him canned from his sitcom, after which he went on a nationwide tour doing a one man show called Violent Torpedo of Truth. You can’t make this stuff up.

Rep. Anthony Weiner

The ironically named & very married Weiner…a 46 year old, 7 term U.S. Congressman…not only made the absolutely idiotic mistake of putting a picture of his junk on Twitter, but he then gave a very weak denial in which he acted like he couldn’t recognize his own penis. He was only able to run from his own stupidity for about a month before being forced to resign. Where have you gone John Adams??

Terrelle Pryor

Back when Pryor was a highly recruited high school QB he was being courted by my WV Mountaineers. That all ended when then head coach Rich Fraudriguez bolted for Michigan, and I opined at the time that the Mountaineers had dodged a bullet. I was right. Pryor is very talented, but he is an egotistical prima donna who, to the surprise of no one who’d been paying attention, managed to do significant damage to the fabled Ohio State program. Sure there were other players who got suspended for trading memorabilia for tattoos (which is asinine), but the red hot spotlight shined down on Pryor, who should have shown better leadership qualities. Instead he seemed to scoff at the NCAA investigation, publicly driving a sports car that no uncompensated college football player could possibly afford. I’m not sure we will ever know how much money & other illegal benefits Pryor received as a Buckeye, and it’s a damn shame that his former coach Jim Tressel’s career is effectively over and the team will be suffering under NCAA sanctions for a few years, all while this ghetto thug is making quite the comfortable living in the NFL.

Harold Camping

It was the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. On May 21, 2011 the California based (well there you go…that explains it) “Christian” radio broadcaster predicted that Jesus would return to begin The Rapture, which would then culminate in the end of the end on October 21st. Needless to say neither event occurred. This wasn’t Camping’s first rodeo, as he had also predicted The Apocalypse in 1988 & 1994. I guess if one keeps blindly throwing darts long enough eventually…maybe…you might hit something. Any genuine Christian…and even the ones who have successfully faked it long enough that all the fundraisers & public displays of phony religiosity make them SEEM authentic…knows that The Bible, in the book of Matthew, says that we “know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh”. But I guess Camping has shucked that pesky Bible stuff in favor of numerology. How’s that workin’ out for ya there Harry??

MLB Umpire Jerry Meals

My Pittsburgh Pirates, after nearly two decades of frustrating futility, finally seemed to be on the verge of a breakthrough in 2011. They were actually in first place after 100 games near the end of July. On July 26 the Pirates battled the Atlanta Braves into the wee hours of the next morning. After 19 innings of all even baseball home plate umpire Meals made what might be the single worst call in the history of baseball, declaring Braves runner Julio Lugo safe at home plate when he was clearly out by a country mile. The Pirates completely crumbled following the crushing loss, going 19-42 the remainder of the season and finishing in 4th place, 24 games out & 18 games below .500. Both Meals & MLB later acknowledged the colossal mistake, but a lot of good that did.

Kim Kardashian

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I consider marriage sacred. I realize I am in the minority nowadays since the divorce rate in America is somewhere around 50%, but I’m betting that the overwhelming majority of marriages still last a lot longer than 72 days, which is how long this mental giant’s union with NBA bench warmer Kris Humphries lasted before she decided she was bored. Kardashian was already worthy of a nomination simply by being herself…an obnoxious, out of touch, airheaded attention whore who is only famous because she made a sex tape. However, having her head stuck so far up her own ample posterior that she decided to give up on marriage less than 3 months in makes her even more worthy of consideration.

Questlove

First of all, what a stupid nickname. His actual name is Ahmir Khalib Thompson, which figures. He is the drummer for The Roots, a band so successful & popular that they had to resort to taking a gig as the house band on a late night TV show. Back in November this idiot had the band play a song called Lyin’ Ass Bitch (how classy) as Presidential candidate and U.S. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann made her way onto the stage of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He even tweeted beforehand about what he was going to do. Now if a conservative entertainer would have perpetuated such a sophomoric gag on a liberal politician, the outcry would have been loud & forceful. But since Bachmann is a Republican Mr. Thompson faced no penalty and was only halfheartedly reprimanded by his network bosses. The situation, as well as Rep. Bachmann, was treated like one big joke.

Penn St. Fans

As late as Halloween no one would have ever predicted that legendary Nittany Lions football coach Joe Paterno would be fired before the end of the season. However, less than two weeks later he was ousted, buried under a mountain of criticism that he had not done enough after being told that former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was molesting young boys in the locker room showers. Thousands of the school’s students (and I suspect a considerable number of adult non-students) took to the streets in protest, acting as if Paterno had been canned because he’d lost a bowl game or not won a conference championship. It was completely backassward (as my Grandma might have said) and a total failure to recognize the seriousness of the charges, not to mention utterly disrespectful to the alleged victims of the abuse. I am a passionate sports fan and can appreciate such fervor, but there are things that are far & away more significant than sports, a fact the folks in Happy Valley, PA don’t seem to grasp.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

Commandant Fidel Goodell isn’t fooling me. He has consistently abused the power of his position by handing out arbitrary fines & suspensions. It’s all under the guise of “player safety”, which has caused Goodell to crack down on “helmet to helmet” and other bone crushing hits that not that long ago were highlight reel fodder. I realize that modern medical advancements and research have revealed alarming information about concussions & their long term effects. No one wants to see players suffer brain damage or any other calamity. But neither do fans want to see the game we love watered down & wussified to the point that it is unrecognizable. At best Goodell and his minions need to develop some structure & consistency in the rules and the way players are disciplined.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Charlie Sheen. Duh. Still WINNING!!

This seems like the appropriate place to take a break.

Please join us tomorrow for Part II of the 2011 Sammy Awards!!

Ranking Every Movie I Saw This Year [Movies] (gawker.com)
Kristen Wiig Is Not Very Good At Doing Crack (huffingtonpost.com)
MTV Movie Awards: Mila Kunis (fabsugar.com)
Teen Choice Awards: Cameron Diaz (fabsugar.com)
The 7th Annual Asta Awards (livingromcom.typepad.com)

Winning & Musing…..Volume 8.11

Congratulations to the Texas Rangers and St. Louis Cardinals for grinding through the l-o-n-g baseball season and making it to The World Series. To be honest I was pulling for the Detroit Tigers because I have always been a big fan of manager Jim Leyland, who I believe to be one of the genuine good guys in sports, but as long as the NY Yankees are sitting at home instead of still playing then it’s all good.

“Be careful what you wish for” is timeless advice that just might apply to quarterback Carson Palmer these days. Palmer won his months long pissing contest against Cincinnati Bengals’ management, only to be traded to the Oakland Raiders, a franchise not entirely unfamiliar with dysfunction. Let’s check back in a year or two and see who really came out ahead.

As usual I am rooting for complete chaos in college football when it comes to the flawed BCS system, but somehow things always seem to work out and end up with a legit #1 vs. #2 title game. Right now it is theoretically possible that as many as a half dozen teams could finish undefeated, which would wreak the desired havoc quite sufficiently. However, I am not holding my breath.

Three things I would do to improve baseball:

Shorten the season to 138 games. Each team would play the other 3 teams in their division 24 times (6 four game series) and the remaining 8 teams in their league 12 times (4 three game series). Each division would meet their counterparts in another division in the other league for one 3 game series. The season would begin in early April and be over by the first week of October.

Constriction. Reduce the league from 30 to 24 teams. The Washington Nationals would be absorbed by the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Florida Marlins would fold into the Tampa Rays. The Oakland A’s & San Francisco Giants would be combined into one franchise. The California Angels would be absorbed by the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Houston Astros would absorb the Colorado Rockies. The Kansas City Royals would fold into the St. Louis Cardinals.

The post-season see each league’s 2^nd & 3^rd rated division winners match up in a Best-of-3 series. The winner would then face the top division winner in that league in a Best-of-5 League Championship Series. Then of course we’d have the traditional Best-of-7 World Series.

Rush Limbaugh was right and we’re seeing the proof right now. Quarterback Donovan McNabb has always been overrated, and now to complicate matters he is washed up. The 35 year old signal caller is about to lose his starting gig in Minnesota to rookie Christian Ponder after “leading” the Vikings to a dismal 1-5 start. But hey, the flaming liberals in the sports media can now turn their attention to anointing Carolina Panthers’ QB Cam Newton as their new Chosen One. Atleast he has genuine talent.

The NBA has already cancelled the first two weeks of the season and seems to be on the verge of eliminating games through December. I am actually a little bit excited about these developments because I am sincerely hoping that in place of games normally broadcast on Christmas Day ABC might treat us to a couple of classic holiday films like Miracle on 34^th St., The Polar Express, The Santa Clause, or one of the bazillion adaptations of A Christmas Carol.

I am not a huge fan of open wheel racing except for the requisite impure thoughts about driver Danica Patrick and the annual tradition of watching The Indianapolis 500. There are just too many road courses and foreign influences for my tastes. But the recent death of driver Dan Wheldon was a tragic event and a reminder of just how dangerous auto sports can be. Since the accident that claimed the life of the legendary Dale Earnhardt a decade ago Nascar has taken huge leaps in safety, but I am not so sure the folks in charge of Indy cars can do the same. The machines themselves are just so small, and there is no roof on them at all. If there is a unanimous calling for reduced speeds that may help a little I guess.

Halfway through the college football season here is who I would invite to New York for the presentation of The Heisman Trophy: Stanford QB Andrew Luck, Michigan QB Denard Robinson, Alabama RB Trent Richardson, Wisconsin QB Russell Wilson, and Oklahoma St. WR Justin Blackmon.

The recent brouhaha involving San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh and Detroit Lions head coach Jim Schwartz was laughable and a bit pathetic. Both men share equal blame…Harbaugh for being a disrespectful jackass to the person whose team he’d just defeated, and Schwartz for reacting like a pre-teen drama queen. Grow up gentlemen.

NFL Trade Deadline: Why Carson Palmer Will Lead Oakland Raiders to NFL Playoffs (bleacherreport.com)
Carson Palmer to Raiders: Why Cincinnati Won Standoff with QB (bleacherreport.com)
2011 World Series briefing: Texas Rangers vs. St. Louis Cardinals (csmonitor.com)
Carson Palmer reportedly to start Sunday (aol.sportingnews.com)
Raiders acquire Carson Palmer from Bengals (sfgate.com)
Raiders Acquire Carson Palmer From Bengals at Trade Deadline (nytimes.com)
2011 World Series Odds: Texas Rangers vs. St. Louis Cardinals Prediction (touthouse.com)
St. Louis Cardinals to Meet Texas Rangers in 2011 World Series (VIDEO) (blippitt.com)
Carson Palmer Trade: Why Al Davis Would Have Made This Deal (bleacherreport.com)
Rangers Versus Cardinals: A Middle-Class, Middle-America World Series (newsfeed.time.com)

A Post-Mortem on the 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates

While fans in Milwaukee, St. Louis, Detroit and a few other cities eagerly engulf themselves in the revelry of the playoffs and the baseball world is still abuzz about the spectacular crash & burns of the Red Sox & Braves, it is time once again for Pirate Nation to lower the Jolly Roger, spew a few meaningless “we’ll get ‘em next years”, and throw our passion full throttle into football season because the Steelers very rarely let us down.

It’s quite true that after 19 straight losing seasons long time Pittsburgh Pirates fans should be used to it. But this year was a bit different. As jaded as folks like me have become over the past two decades the Pirates did something in 2011 that they hadn’t in years: they gave us a brief glimmer of hope & anticipation. Alas it was all a mirage, like when a beautiful woman talks to you only because she is so drunk she can barely see or it’s a poorly conceived effort to make her cooler, better looking, wealthier boyfriend jealous.

After 100 games the Pirates were 6 games above .500 and…shockingly…in 1^st place in the NL Central. Then umpire Jerry Meals came along.

At 1:50 a.m. on Wednesday July 27, home plate umpire Meals made quite possibly the worst call in the history of American sports. He called an Atlanta Braves player safe at the plate at the end of a grueling 19 inning classic, a player that was 100% clearly, undeniably, indisputably, unmistakably out, giving the Braves an unearned, tainted, hollow victory over the Pirates. Honest to God…Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Helen Keller, Ronnie Milsap, and Jeff Healey all would have called the player out. But not Jerry Meals. I am and will always be convinced that Meals was/is involved with gambling & organized crime and should have been fired by MLB on the spot. Unfortunately Commissioner Bud Selig is an insufferable tool so Meals is not amongst the 10% of Americans currently unemployed, which is a damn shame. Am I bitter?? Just a little bit.

At any rate the Pirates went 19-42 the remainder of the season, finishing in 4^th place 24 games out and 18 games below .500.

Look, I am not a fool. I never for one second expected the Pittsburgh Pirates to win their division this season. I knew at some point that there would be a second half swoon. I even wrote as much here in this space. But before Meals and his blatant, dirty cheating came along I thought that meant the team would finish in 3^rd place about 10 games back. Call me irrational, but the complete collapse that followed was both disappointing and somewhat surprising to this Humble Potentate of Profundity.

The good news is that the Pirates do seem to have a core in place to build around for the foreseeable future. 2B Neil Walker and outfielders Andrew McCutchen & Garrett Jones are budding stars. I like the potential of 3B Josh Harrison and outfielders Xavier Paul & Alex Presley, insomuch as having solid depth is important. The jury is still out on 3B Pedro Alvarez and outfielder Jose Tabata, both of whom must go into 2012 with the outlook that it is a make or break year. Their success will bring the Pirates one step closer to the goal. Their failure would be a significant setback.

I am not sold on one single pitcher on the staff. Not even All-Star closer Joel Hanrahan. This has been a major issue with the Pirates for many years. They just can’t seem to produce pitchers that would be any better than a 4^th or 5^th starter or middle reliever on most other major league ball clubs. The Pirates almost always have very high draft picks and have used a plethora of them on pitchers, with results ranging from unimpressive to disastrous. Starting with Kris Benson in 1996 and going down the line through Sean Burnett, John VanBenschoten, Bryan Bullington, and Daniel Moskos (currently a dime-a-dozen middle reliever), the track record is appalling. Youngsters James Taillon and Gerritt Cole are still in the farm system, but pardon my cynicism if I don’t put my money on either of them becoming the next Cliff Lee or Justin Verlander, which is exactly what the Pirates need. If they are to ever get over the hump they must…MUST…produce a top flight pitcher that would be in the conversation with names like Lincecum, Greinke, and Sabathia when speaking of the best in the business. They need Taillon and/or Cole to be that type of player, but history indicates that the odds of it happening are slim. I desperately want to be wrong about that.

The powers-that-be must go out and get atleast a few players with some pop in their bat. A power hitting 1B has been a glaring weakness for way too long. Catching prospect Tony Sanchez is another player that needs to come through at a position of need. A .244 team batting average ain’t gonna get it done, especially with the lack of quality pitching to balance things out. Some of these issues are best addressed through the draft and bringing up home grown players through the ranks, but it is also high time the Pirates become buyers in the free agent market. The self-loathing defeatist attitude that the Pittsburgh Pirates cannot attract big time free agents must change. In my opinion pitching must come from the draft & the system, while signing a couple of free agent .300 hitters capable of jacking 30+ home runs is a realistic goal and needs to be a priority.

So is there hope?? Of course. There is always hope. I might even go so far as to say there is reason for optimism. But I am also a realist, and two decades of futility have robbed me (and many others) of any notion that the Pittsburgh brass has the capability to get the job done right. Prove me wrong suits…prove me wrong.

You: The Great Pittsburgh Pirates Disaster of the 1973 Season (bleacherreport.com)
Pittsburgh Pirates finish with 90 losses again (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
What is a 1936 Pittsburgh pirates autographed baseball worth (wiki.answers.com)
No Pittsburgh Pirates Pitchers are Untouchable (bleacherreport.com)
MLB News: Blown Call Proving to Be Death Sentence for Pittsburgh Pirates (bleacherreport.com)
Pittsburgh Pirates Clinch 19th Consecutive Losing Season (thebiglead.com)
Pittsburgh Pirates Sign First Overall Pick Gerrit Cole (bleacherreport.com)
You: Pittsburgh Pirates: Will Hunter Pence Be in a Pirates Uniform? (bleacherreport.com)
Lee, Ludwick to debut for Pirates (boston.com)

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After 100 games the Pirates were 6 games above .500 and…shockingly…in 1st place in the NL Central. Then umpire Jerry Meals came along.

At any rate the Pirates went 19-42 the remainder of the season, finishing in 4th place 24 games out and 18 games below .500.

Related articles

Share It!!

Like this:

After 100 games the Pirates were 6 games above .500 and…shockingly…in 1^st place in the NL Central. Then umpire Jerry Meals came along.

At any rate the Pirates went 19-42 the remainder of the season, finishing in 4^th place 24 games out and 18 games below .500.