I promised y’all we wouldn’t have another big delay, and I am a man of my word. Actually, now that my weekends will be filled with an abundance of football action (unless I receive an offer that just can’t be refused to actually leave the cozy confines of my humble abode), it is the perfect time to work on projects like this since I enjoy multitasking while in vegg mode. If you are new here please take a look around, and catch up with this series by going here…then here…then here…then here…and finally, here. Take your time…we’ll leave the light on for you.
50 Petticoat Junction (Petticoat Junction)
Come ride the litte train
That is rollin’ down the tracks to the junction
Forget about your cares
It is time to relax at the junction
This is another one of those shows that I admit to not watching much of, partly because its original run ended before I was born, but also because, even though reruns were available during my childhood, it just didn’t interest me. Having said that, the theme song is a fun little ditty with a bluegrass vibe.
49 Together (Silver Spoons)
Together, we’re going to find our way
Together, taking the time each day
To learn all about those things you just cant buy
I feel like Silver Spoons gets overlooked by those who fondly reminisce about great 80s sitcoms. Rick Schroder never really became the kind of big star that many expected after his Golden Globe winning performance in 1979’s The Champ when he was nine years old, and the show itself wasn’t a huge hit. However, it did launch the careers of Alfonso Ribeiro and Jason Bateman. The theme song is exactly the kind of schmaltzy, soft rock-esque vibe one would expect to find in an 80s time capsule.
48 Gomer Pyle, USMC (Gomer Pyle, USMC)
Gomer Pyle was a spinoff of The Andy Griffith Show, and was almost as successful. One can enjoy Gomer Pyle on its own merits, even if you’ve never seen an episode of TAGS. However, in my humble opinion, the character works better as a supporting player amongst the hilarious antics in Mayberry, and I kind of wish he’d never left to join the service. Pyle’s theme song is NOT an official Marine tune, although composer Earle Hagen (who also wrote & whistled the TAGS theme) did a really nice job of capturing the essence of a military style march.
47 Suicide is Painless (MASH)
I freakin’ hated MASH when I was a kid. Not only did I not understand the humor (or drama) of the well written program, but I seem to recall it aired at 9pm on Mondays, when all I wanted to do was watch a little bit of Monday Night Football before I had to go to bed. Unfortunately my father loved MASH, and he had control of the only television in our house at the time. Having said that, I did develop an appreciation for the show as an adult, though it still isn’t something I seek out on streaming platforms. There are lots of other things I prefer for a jolt of nostalgia (although the 1970 film starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Sally Kellerman, and Robert Duvall is rather entertaining). The theme song’s title contains the word “suicide”, which is obviously a downer, but it’s one of the most memorable themes in television history.
46 I Love You (Barney)
I love you, you love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
Won’t you say you love me too
It haunts my dreams. That damn purple dinosaur was really popular when my nephew was a toddler, and he wanted to watch the videos over & over & over & over & over…😱.
45 Linus & Lucy (Peanuts)
When the first Peanuts holiday special, A Charlie Brown Christmas, was being produced in the 1960s, the comic strip’s creator Charles Schulz & TV producer Lee Mendelson battled network suits who were a bit hesitant about jazz musician Vince Guaraldi writing & performing the score. Needless to say the suits were wrong, and Generation X is thankful that Schulz & Mendelson got their way, with Linus & Lucy becoming the unofficial Peanuts theme song. I am the kind of dork who assigns various ringtones to my frequent contacts, and Linus & Lucy was my sister’s tone (because Lucy is Linus’ sister and that’s how my brain works). Though she passed more than two years ago I have not deleted the tune from my phone, and I never will.
44 All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight (Monday Night Football)
Are you ready for some football?
A Monday night party
Yes, sir, this is Hank and my mission is to get this party started
You know helmets crashin’, the crowd is psyched
Cause all my rowdy friends are here on Monday night
I had the opportunity to see Hank Williams Jr. in concert when I was in college. Unfortunately, because that was WAY before smart phones & social media, and due to enthusiastic “pre-gaming”, memories of the event are…vague. At any rate, a modified version of his 1984 Top Ten hit opened MNF from 1989-2011, until Williams dared to criticize President Obama with an analogy that “journalists” & Hollywood types now use routinely with President Trump, which prompted ABC/Disney to do that thing they do of ruining a perfectly good thing for no real reason.
43 Big Bang (The Big Bang Theory)
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started, wait
The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool
Neanderthals developed tools
We built a wall (we built the pyramids)
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries
That all started with the big bang
I LOVED TBBT and was glued to my TV every Thursday night for over a decade. There was a time when I used to watch a copious amount of reruns on TBS, although that phase seems to have passed. I was not a fan of 90s rock band Barenaked Ladies, but kudos to them for writing perhaps the last great television theme song.
42 The Addams Family (The Addams Family)
They’re creepy and they’re kooky
Mysterious and spooky
They’re all together ooky
The Addams Family
The Munsters (The Munsters)
Yes, I am aware that they are two different shows. However, it is difficult to overlook the similarities. Both featured odd, macabre, goth families seemingly unaware of their peculiarities. Both aired for only two seasons from 1964-66. Despite both shows producing less than 100 episodes, their popularity continues decades later thanks to almost always being aired somewhere on television. And finally, both had unique, infectious theme songs that everyone of a certain age remembers. The Addams Family theme has been used for various films & television revivals. The Munsters instrumental theme had a strangely effective surfer vibe and was actually nominated for Grammy.
41 My Life (Bosom Buddies)
I don’t need you to worry for me ’cause I’m alright I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone
Bosom Buddies’ most enduring legacy is introducing the world to Tom Hanks. It’s also a sitcom that’d never be greenlit in this day & age for fairly obvious reasons. The 1980s were just different. Anyway, My Life had been a Top 5 hit for Billy Joel in the late 70s, although it was performed by a different singer for the show and jettisoned altogether for syndication & home video. I am sure all of that is related to licensing, money, and legal mumbo jumbo.
We’re heading down the home stretch!! Please stay tuned for Part 7.
I suppose it’s more of a postscript than a tribute, but a fond farewell to Lee Corso, whose final appearance on College Gameday occurred last weekend. Perhaps ESPN laid it on a little thick, but Corso’s swan song was well done, and all of the kind words heaped on him by everyone from Matthew McConaughey & Will Ferrell to various coaches, players, and talking heads felt genuine and well-earned. Gameday has been a part of my autumn Saturday morning routine for nearly four decades, which will continue, although it’ll be just a bit different without Corso. I’ve always embraced nostalgia and lived long enough to see many longstanding traditions slip into the ether. Life moves forward, but a tip o’ the cap to those rituals that make moments memorable for as long as they do. Godspeed Coach Corso…may you enjoy the winter of your days with happiness & peace.
Observations from Last Week:
Quite surprised by upsets of Boise St. & Alabama. I had no idea former Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn is now Florida St.’s offensive coordinator.
Atleast in college football, defense can still win championships.
I have officially entered the stage of life when I can no longer hang until the west coast games end on Saturday night 😴.
LaNorris Sellers would look great in a Pittsburgh Steelers uniform.
My Season: 3-2
Zach’s Season: 1-4
Baylor at SMU (-4)
The Bears were beaten convincingly by Auburn last weekend, while the Mustangs had no problem easily dispatching an FCS opponent. I don’t think much will change this week. Zach doesn’t trust Baylor’s defense and believes the home team will win a high scoring contest.
My Pick: SMU
Zach’s Pick: SMU
Iowa at Iowa State (-3.5)
The Battle of Iowa is a hidden gem amongst collegiate rivalries. The Hawkeyes lead the series, which dates back to 1894, 47-24. However, the Cyclones have won two of the past three games. State is already 2-0, while their Big Ten counterparts whipped up on an FCS opponent last week. My high hopes for the home team remain intact, and I believe they’ll win by a touchdown. Zach foresees a low scoring defensive struggle, with the home field tipping the scales.
My Pick: Iowa St.
Zach’s Pick: Iowa St.
Michigan at Oklahoma (-5.5)
The Wolverines dominated New Mexico in their season opener, while the Sooners are another team that got things started by defeating an FCS foe. There’s been alot of behind the scenes turmoil in Ann Arbor, but I don’t believe it will significantly impact their season. Oklahoma has been a model of inconsistency for the past few years, but there seems to be renewed optimism in Norman. I don’t know who will ultimately win the game, but I think it’ll be decided one way or another by a field goal, perhaps in overtime. Zach, on the other hand, is utilizing reverse psychology from the jump, opining that he is concerned about Michigan’s defense and an uninspiring performance last weekend.
My Pick: Michigan
Zach’s Pick: Oklahoma
Dallas at Philadelphia (-7.5)
Hey y’all, the NFL is back!! The season kicks off Thursday night in Philly, and of course we all know there’s been alot going on with the Cowboys. I did not see the Micah Parsons trade coming, which considerably alters my outlook for Dallas and Green Bay. For this game specifically, I don’t foresee a path to victory for the visitors, although the points concern me a bit. Can the defending Super Bowl Champions Tush Push their way to a TD+ win?? I think they can. Zach isn’t concerned at all and thinks the home team wins easily.
My Pick: Philadelphia
Zach’s Pick: Philadelphia
Kansas City (-3) vs. LA Chargers
Keep an eye on the AFC West this season. The Chargers could mount a legit challenge to the Chiefs, and obviously a victory right out of the gate would help their cause. This is a Friday night game emanating from Brazil. It’ll be broadcast on YouTube, with kickoff set for 8pm EST (it’ll be 9pm in Sao Paulo, which could affect the players). My gut tells me that the crowd will be in KC’s corner because they’re a better known international brand. I also have more faith in head coach Andy Reid to navigate the unique circumstances and have his team prepared. Zach believes tight end Travis Kelce has been distracted and not focused on football. He also has positive vibes about the long term success of the Chargers. However, he can’t go against the Chiefs in this particular situation.
My Pick: Kansas City
Zach’s Pick: Kansas City
Detroit at Green Bay (-2.5)
As mentioned, the addition of pass rusher Micah Parsons to the Packers defense improves their outlook tremendously, perhaps making them clear favorites in the NFC North. Green Bay also has the home field, which could be important in a tight game. I haven’t lost faith in the Lions, but I believe they’ll begin the season with a loss. Zach feels that Detroit is still a better team and will win a close game.
My Pick: Green Bay
Zach’s Pick: Detroit
Baltimore at Buffalo (-1.5)
It’s the Sunday night game on NBC. The Bills are my pick to win the Super Bowl, but I have seen “experts” predict they won’t even win their division. Conversely, the Ravens are favored by almost everyone whose opinion you’d trust to win theirs and make a serious Super Bowl run. It might not be the smart choice, but I’m sticking with my preseason thoughts and pulling for Josh Allen to matriculate down the field deep into the 4th quarter to defend his home turf. Zach concurs.
The little break we’ve taken from this series was unintentional. Life happens, right?? Nothing bad has occurred…I’ve just had other things going on. At any rate, we’ve reached the halfway point!! Thanks to those who have enjoyed the project thus far, but if you’re a newbie just go here to get caught up, and we’ll see you when you get back.
60 We’re the Chipmunks (The Chipmunks)
We’re the Chipmunks
C-H-I-P-M-U-N-K-S
We’re the Chipmunks
Guaranteed to brighten your day
Alvin, Simon, & Theodore were introduced to the masses in 1958 with the holiday tune ChristmasDon’t Be Late, and made their television debut in 1961. The incarnation I best remember aired in the 1980s when I was not yet too old for cartoons but pretty damn close. While the Christmas tune is still heard regularly each December I haven’t paid attention to the various movies & TV shows that have been produced in the last few decades. That 80s theme is still memorable though.
59 Hill Street Blues / The Rockford Files / Greatest American Hero / The A-Team / Magnum PI
You’ve probably never heard the name Mike Post, but if you watched television in the 1980s you undoubtedly heard his work. He is perhaps the most prolific composer in the history of television, winning five Grammys & an Emmy in the process. He also produced the 1998 album Van Halen III, the band’s only one with singer Gary Cherone. VH purists often dump all over it, but it has a few good songs.
58 The Smurf Song (The Smurfs)
La la la-la la la, sing a happy song
La la la-la la la, smurf the whole day long
Okay, okay…so I liked cartoons when I was a kid. Sue me. Much like The Chipmunks, I haven’t kept up with The Smurfs as an adult, but their Saturday morning show in the 1980s was good, and the theme song is simple & upbeat.
57 Love & Marriage (Married…With Children)
Love and marriage, love and marriage
They go together like a horse and carriage
This I tell you brother
You can’t have one without the other
You can’t go wrong with Ol’ Blue Eyes!! I wasn’t a fan of the show, which struck me as rather crass & borderline vulgar when I was 14 years old. I’m sure there was something else on in the same time slot as well, and DVR wasn’t a thing nearly four decades ago. In hindsight I understand that the creators (and the powers-that-be at fledgling network Fox) were being contrarian, intending to foist upon the masses a satire of traditional family sitcoms. I guess I wasn’t ready to appreciate such cynicism yet, which is ironic given how my personality developed thru the years. Love & Marriage was a Top 5 hit for Frank Sinatra in 1955.
56 Hogan’s Heroes March (Hogan’s Heroes)
Hogan’s Heroes is one of those shows that came & went before I was born, but found new life in syndication. I seem to recall my father enjoying it because, at that time (in the early 1980’s), he was going thru that phase that so many Dads experience when they’re really into war movies & TV shows. At any rate, the military style march used for the theme is undeniably memorable.
55 It Takes Diff’rent Strokes (Diff’rent Strokes)
Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum
What might be right for you may not be right for some
A man is born, he’s a man of means
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans
But they got, Diff’rent Strokes
It takes Diff’rent Strokes
It takes Diff’rent Strokes to move the world
Whatchu talking ‘bout Willis?!?!?? Actor Alan Thicke is remembered for starring in his own sitcom Growing Pains, but before that he was a successful singer & composer. Along with his wife Gloria Loring, Thicke wrote and/or performed the theme song for this show, as well as The Facts of Life and several game shows. This particular tune is a core memory for Gen X.
54 A Little Less Conversation (Las Vegas)
A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and maybe satisfy me
First we had Sinatra, now we have Elvis Presley. When this program aired a couple of decades ago I had developed a hardcore Vegas fetish. It is still a dream vacation but will likely remain an unfulfilled fantasy. The show itself went thru too many changes and was moved around NBC’s schedule, to the point that I pretty much checked out when James Caan left the cast before the final season and was replaced by Tom Selleck (no disrespect intended toward Selleck, who is a great actor and seems like a cool guy). The song wasn’t a big hit for Elvis in 1968, but obviously people appreciate all of his music now.
53 Spider-Man (Spider-Man)
Spider-Man, Spider-Man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web, any size Catches thieves just like flies Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man
Modern audiences are more familiar with the big screen adaptations starring Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, and Tom Holland as Spidey (aka Peter Parker), but numerous live action & animated TV shows starring one of our greatest superheroes have been produced, with some version of the same theme being used.
52 Everywhere You Look (Full House)
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There’s a heart, a hand to hold onto
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There’s a face of somebody who needs you
Okay, I’ll admit it…despite the fact that I was a high school student then a drunken frat boy, I enjoyed ABC’s TGIF lineup of sitcoms like Full House, PerfectStrangers, Family Matters, and Boy Meets World, amongst others. I was familiar with John Stamos from his brief run on General Hospital in the early 80s, and found the rest of the cast charming & funny. The older I get the more the theme song resonates. What did happen to predictability?!?!??
51 Come and Knock on Our Door (Three’s Company)
Come and knock on our door
We’ve been waiting for you
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three’s company too
During an episode of Friends Chandler Bing once deadpanned “I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding”, and it was hilarious because it’s true. They called it Jiggle TV, and as a young boy in the late 70s/early 80s I appreciated the visuals, even if I didn’t fully understand the urges they stirred in my loins. At any rate, like alot of other television programs of that era, Three’s Company was a product of its time that won’t ever be remembered fondly by erudite, critical types, but holds a special place in the hearts of Gen X. The theme song was, ironically enough, composed by the same guy who did the music for Sesame Street and The Electric Company.
I’ll get to Part 6 MUCH FASTER than we arrived at this point…I promise!!
Y’all, I did some research. I KNOW, right?!?!?? Anyway, I have been doing these picks since 2012!! Zach joined the fray in 2013. I’m not going to go back and figure out year by year results, but I can tell you that last season I finished 56-61, while Zach was 55-62. Hopefully we’ll both do a little better this year. The college football season actually kicked off last weekend with a couple of rather entertaining games, but the schedule has certainly leveled up this week. As a matter of fact, the slate of games is so good that I am seriously considering skipping our local Italian Heritage Festival for the first time in many years. I’d much rather vegg out at home watching hours upon hours of delightful gridiron goodness.
Texas at Ohio State (-1.5)
I love the fact that the College Football Playoff now forces contenders to jump right into the fire and play elite non-conference opponents rather than ease into the season with two or three cupcakes, which was always the norm during my youth. Most polls have these teams #1 & #2 (or #3), except for mine. The Buckeyes actually ended Texas’ 2024 season in the CFP Semifinals en route to winning the National Championship. However, Ohio St. had 14 players drafted into the NFL (four of them in the first round), and losing that kind of experience and that amount of production has to have an impact. You might already be tired of hearing about Texas QB Arch Manning, who talking heads have as the presumptive top pick in next year’s NFL Draft without even knowing if he’ll declare early. The kid will either silence any doubters or make alot of “experts” look foolish, and we’ll get a sense of which one by watching this game. Former pro wrasslin’ champ Ric Flair used to say “To be The Man you’ve got to beat The Man”. Ohio St. has an opportunity to reinforce last year’s victory on their home turf. It’ll be a tough battle, but I think they’ll get the job done. Conversely, Zach’s disdain for Ohio St. is well documented, and he believes Texas has all the ingredients necessary to win it all. He foresees the ‘Horns winning by two TDs.
My Pick: Ohio St.
Zach’s Pick: Texas
Alabama (-13.5) at Florida State
It undoubtedly looked like a much more attractive matchup when the schedule was made years ago, but Florida St. has been experiencing a decade long rough patch. Well, okay, to be fair, they did go 23-4 in 2022-23, but there have been five losing seasons dating back to 2018, including a dismal 2-10 record a year ago. I’m not sure how head coach Mike Norvell is still employed, but he probably won’t be if this season isn’t much better. Meanwhile, in Tuscaloosa, Kalen DeBoer took on the formidable task of replacing the legendary Nick Saban last season and went 9-4. That’d be great at most schools, but if The Tide doesn’t roll into the CFP this year DeBoer’s seat will become uncomfortably warm. As far as this game goes, I’d be shocked if Florida St. mounts a credible challenge, even in the cozy confines of Tallahassee. Zach sees encouraging signs from Florida St. and would like to see them atleast stay close, but ultimately can’t go there just yet, especially against ‘Bama’s stout defense.
My Pick: Alabama
Zach’s Pick: Alabama
LSU at Clemson (-4)
This is the game that might keep me at home on Saturday night instead of out painting the town red, white, and green. Expectations are high for both teams, with good reason. LSU quarterback Garrett Nussmeier is a legit Heisman contender and likely first round draft pick. His closest competition for both (other than the aforementioned Arch Manning) might be Clemson signal caller Cade Klubnik. The Bayou Bengals were 9-4 a season ago, mostly due to a three game skid in late October into November. Clemson made six consecutive appearances in the four team CFP from 2015-20. Last year they made the 12 team field only to suffer a first round loss to Texas. The SEC is extremely tough, so I’m sure that LSU understands that they must take advantage of opportunities to impress against out-of-conference competition. It’ll be a hell of a battle, but I believe the visitors will score a very tight, mildly surprising upset. Zach opines that Clemson has the best roster in college football in addition to an elite coach. Those factors, in addition to the home field, lead him to choose the Tigers to win by a touchdown.
My Pick: LSU
Zach’s Pick: Clemson
Virginia Tech vs. South Carolina (-8)
It is very possible that I have vastly overrated South Carolina given the highly competitive nature of the SEC. However, I am all in on QB LaNorris Sellers, who has the potential to be every bit as good as Manning, Klubnik, Nussmeier, or any other top notch quarterback. The Gamecocks were 9-4 a season ago, with three of those losses by a collective nine points. I am hopeful that the ball will bounce in their favor a bit more often this year. Conversely, the Hokies were 6-7 last season and haven’t won ten games since 2016. The ACC is barely a “power” conference these days, yet Tech hasn’t been any better than middle of the pack for a decade. Head coach Brent Pry is entering his 4th season in Blacksburg, and I’m not confident there’ll be a fifth. This is a neutral site contest in Atlanta, but the fans there will likely need to wait for their Falcons to take on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next week to see an entertaining football game. Zach likes South Carolina’s defense and thinks they’ll win by double digits.
My Pick: South Carolina
Zach’s Pick: South Carolina
Notre Dame (-3) at Miami (FL)
The old Catholics vs. Convicts battle feels more like Episcopalians vs. Misdemeanors nowadays. Notre Dame has done a better job lately of remaining relevant on the national stage, finishing as the runner-up in last season’s CFP. I have high expectations that they can match that success, with junior running back Jeremiyah Love leading the charge. Love had 1100+ rushing yards & 19 touchdowns last season, and could be even better this year. The defense returns six starters, while on the other side of the ball redshirt freshman quarterback CJ Carr steps in for the departed Riley Leonard. That’ll be something to pay attention to, especially early on. The Hurricanes have a new quarterback as well, but he’s hardly a freshman. Carson Beck won two national championships as a backup at Georgia, and went 24-3 in two seasons as the starter. Miami’s defense has five returning starters but they also have a new defensive coordinator, while their offense is essentially rebuilding. They’ll be successful and might even challenge for the ACC title, but The Irish are simply levels above. I don’t foresee this being a particularly close game. Zach believes both teams are overrated, but he really likes Irish head coach Marcus Freeman. He agrees that Notre Dame will score a comfortable victory.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
When you watch movies or television you are conditioned to believe that class reunions are a big deal that everyone is really into, but that simply isn’t true. I graduated in a class of nearly 200, and the attendance for our reunions, including the most recent, has averaged around 30-ish people. Very few of those who moved away years ago make an effort to return. I ran into a couple of locals (on separate occasions) in the weeks leading up to our latest shindig, and when I asked if they were coming they practically laughed. Their responses dripped with derision, as if the idea was truly foolish. People move on. They get married, have kids, and focus on their career. Here in West Virginia the smart ones move away to bigger & better places with more opportunities. Conversely, others romanticize high school because it was, for a variety of reasons, the pinnacle of their life. They didn’t move, didn’t progress, and don’t have much going on, which makes it easier to attend a reunion. It’s important to them because those halcyon days of youth haven’t been surpassed by anything more significant.
Old man rant incoming…
So you’re really going to charge me $25 for a haircut and STILL prompt me for a tip?!?!?? I can remember getting a haircut for $5. Granted, that was 45 years ago and times change, but really, for a man the haircut process is rather simple & straightforward, and it hasn’t evolved much thru the decades. I’m just trying to look somewhat less ugly…I don’t need financing.
Thru the years I have been aware of Howard Stern. I watched his movie PrivateParts. I enjoyed his talk show appearances. When his radio show was first simulcast on E! I watched occasionally. Though Stern has never held a prominent place in my entertainment landscape, I am fascinated by his descent. The following is something I stumbled across online, and it summarizes his recent (rumored) woes better than I ever could:
Howard Stern didn’t stop being great because he went to satellite. He stopped being universal. The second shift came with the money. And, look, good for him. A $500 million contract? That’s the American dream. But once you’re that rich, the money changes you. And more importantly, it changes the show. Howard built his empire by fighting – station managers, executives, politicians, rival hosts. He was the underdog, the guy being censored, fined, harassed, and punished for daring to speak his mind. But once he became the highest paid broadcaster in history, there was no more fight. He had won. He didn’t have a boss anymore. He was the boss. And with no one to battle, there was no more friction, and no more fire. Suddenly, the guy who once ranted about bureaucracy, bad management, and corporate nonsense was no longer punching up. He was the system. And his show, once anarchic & unpredictable, became safe. Soft. Comfortable. Worse, it became celebrity-driven. Where once Howard roasted celebrities and cut through their fake personas, now he courted them. The guy who once ridiculed Hollywood phoniness was now sipping wine with Jimmy Kimmel and kissing up to Ellen DeGeneres. Then Trump broke his brain. If the move to Sirius dulled Stern’s edge, Trump annihilated it. The guy who made his name being the most politically incorrect man in media suddenly became a scold. A hall monitor. A voice of sanitized, elite-approved opinion. The man who used to mock everyone & everything was now in lockstep with the Manhattan elite he used to detest. And it wasn’t just Trump he turned on, it was us. The listeners. The regular, blue collar, lunch pail Americans who rode with him for decades. He didn’t merely oppose Trump politically (fine, that’s his right), he condescended to and insulted millions of people who supported him.
This isn’t groundbreaking news, but it feels necessary to put it on the record…men & women are different. Yes, I am aware that is obvious to anyone with functioning brain cells. However, I want to specify one particular way those differences manifest. Men are attracted to beauty and guided by sex, whereas women seek security & provisions. If a woman is hot…however one defines it (big breasts, juicy caboose, pretty face, etc.)…a man will be drawn to her no matter the circumstances. Poor. Harsh living conditions. Unemployed. It doesn’t matter…if she is physically attractive men will want her on some level. Conversely, a woman might be successful, wealthy, influential…but if she is ugly & unhealthy it is unlikely that men will be lining up at her door. On the flip side, a tall, dark, and handsome man with six pack abs might draw interest from the ladies, but if he is poor, uneducated, and unable to provide those women won’t stick around long. However, a man who might not be considered conventionally attractive can make up the difference with money, a nice house, and the means to provide a comfortable lifestyle. Security is an aphrodisiac for women.
Just when I was kinda sorta almost getting amped up for the return of football, news emerged of ESPN gobbling up the NFL Network & RedZone. I was upset last year when RedZone abandoned their “seven hours of commercial free football” tradition, although if I’m being honest the commercials were sprinkled in unobtrusively. However, ESPN (or, if we’re keeping it 100, Disney) tends to ruin perfectly great things with their meddling. I still haven’t forgiven them for canceling Mike & Mike in the Morning eight years ago. Disney…which is also now in bed with WWE…has become a greedy monster gobbling up everything in sight, and the fans pay the price. Anyway, I suppose further changes won’t occur until next season, so we’ll forge ahead as usual for now. As always, I’ll remind you that I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about sometimes, so please…no wagering.
North
Detroit Lions (15-2) 11-6
Green Bay Packers (11-6) 10-7
Minnesota Vikings (14-3) 9-8
Chicago Bears (5-12) 8-9
I’m so tired of talking heads slobbering all over Bears’ QB Caleb Williams, using words like “generational”. No, he’s not. He’s just another guy. In three years, if I am wrong, I will admit my error and ask for mercy. At this point though, I don’t believe Williams will be much more successful than predecessors like Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, or Jay Cutler. Chicago does have a new head coach though. Former Lions’ offensive coordinator Ben Johnson is getting his crack at a top job, and if anyone can prove me wrong about Williams it’s probably him. I like Vikings’ QB JJ McCarthy, but he is essentially a rookie after missing all of last season with a knee injury. The Vikes added some pieces on defense & bolstered their offensive line. Having said that, we probably need to show a bit of grace while McCarthy becomes acclimated to the NFL. Despite the presence of elite receiver Justin Jefferson, a solid running back group, and one of the best tight ends in the league in TJ Hockenson, I foresee a significant dropoff from a year ago. The Packers are being overlooked a bit, which might work in their favor. Jordan Love enters his third year as the starting quarterback, but he’s going to need more consistency from a deep & talented group of receivers, and their Top 5 defense has to maintain that level of intensity. Detroit’s defense was ravaged by injuries last year, and former defensive coordinator Aaron Glenn has moved on to be the head coach of the NY Jets. How will their offense adjust after the departure of Ben Johnson?? That’ll be the key to the entire season. I expect a small regression, but it’ll be worth it if they have a deeper playoff run.
South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-7) 9-8
Atlanta Falcons (8-9) 9-8
Carolina Panthers (5-12) 6-11
New Orleans Saints (5–12) 6-11
While I don’t believe Bucs’ QB Baker Mayfield is worthy of being discussed alongside the league’s elite signal callers, I do think he has earned a spot on the second tier. A season ago that translated into a division title & a first round postseason exit, which is probably their ceiling once again. All eyes will be on Michael Penix Jr., now entrenched as the Falcons’ quarterback. Of course they also retained Kirk Cousins, whose services weren’t sought by any other team given his robust salary. Tight end Kyle Pitts has got to live up to his potential, and Atlanta’s defense, which ranked in the bottom third of the NFL last season, must kick it up a notch. The Panthers & Saints are spinning their wheels. New Orleans hired Kellen Moore to be their head coach, which may pay dividends in the future, but right now they simply have too many holes on the roster. I have come to the conclusion that the Panthers are football’s version of the Pittsburgh Pirates. They hire the wrong people, make bad decisions, and can’t evaluate talent properly. Their biggest issue is likely ownership, which won’t change until it does.
East
Philadelphia Eagles (14-3) 12-5
Dallas Cowboys (7-10) 10-7
Washington Commanders (12-5) 10-7
New York Giants (3-14) 6-11
Winning back-to-back Super Bowls is rare, but has been done as recently as the year before last. The Eagles have appeared in three Super Bowls since 2017, winning two. There has been some turnover on defense, but getting younger might not be a bad thing. Key free agents departed on both sides of the ball, yet, as long as Jalen Hurts is under center, he has his full complement of receivers, and Saquon Barkley is toting the rock, I see no reason to doubt Philly just yet. Brian Schottenheimer is now the head coach in Dallas, a change I’ve been predicting for a couple of years. Expect the Cowboys to rebound from a disappointing season and challenge Philadelphia for the division crown…assuming sack monster Micah Parsons gets paid. The Commanders will be right there in the mix as well, although QB Jayden Daniels won’t be sneaking up on anyone anymore. Does that mean Washington won’t be successful?? No…but I believe they’ll take a step back for now, especially if issues with receiver Terry McLaurin aren’t resolved satisfactorily. I actually like some of the things the Giants have done, but until Jaxon Dart supplants Russell Wilson behind center and young studs on defense gain experience there won’t be any postseason games at MetLife Stadium.
West
Los Angeles Rams (10-7) 10-7
Arizona Cardinals (8-9) 9-8
San Francisco 49ers (6-11) 9-8
Seattle Seahawks (10-7) 8-9
The Seahawks are almost unrecognizable. There’s a whole new offensive coaching staff, and Sam Darnold replaces Geno Smith at quarterback. Many will view that as an upgrade, but I’m not so sure. Receivers DK Metcalf & Tyler Lockett are gone, with former Ram Cooper Kupp stepping in as the new second receiver behind Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Seattle was a middle-of-the-pack defense last year, but with so many changes no one knows what to expect now. I don’t think the NIners will be as terrible as they were a year ago, but their defense was certainly impacted in free agency. Time will tell if draft picks pan out, and in the meantime alot is riding on the further development of QB Brock Purdy & the always unstable health of RB Christian McCaffrey. I don’t have much more faith in Cards’ QB Kyler Murray than I do Caleb Williams, but if receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. continues his ascent that’ll help. Arizona’s braintrust seemed to focus on a defensive rebuild this offseason, so we’ll see how that works out. I don’t think winning their second consecutive division title will be easy for the Rams, and I’m a little concerned about the health of QB Matthew Stafford, but the defense should be sneaky good enough to narrowly win the division.
My Steelers have been the talk of the offseason. Will they be terrible or will they be mediocre?? I believe that’s called damning with faint praise. Enigmatic Aaron Rodgers will be the quarterback, and he’ll be throwing mostly to DK Metcalf, who I see as an upgrade after George Pickens yapped his way out of town. He’s Jerry Jones’ problem now. Pass rusher TJ Watt got paid, and I have no doubt he’ll earn it. The running game looks different with rookie Kaleb Johnson & Jaylen Warren sharing duties after the departure of former first round bust Najee Harris. For the first time in several years I have good vibes about the offensive line & secondary. Everything seems to be held together by duct tape & prayer in Pittsburgh, which won’t get them to the Super Bowl but also hopefully means I won’t spend the next several months curled up in a dark room muttering to myself, as I assume Browns fans have been doing for decades. First of all, Cleveland’s quarterback room is unintentionally hilarious. Secondly, Myles Garrett is not the best defensive player in the NFL. Look on the bright side though…the Cavaliers are pretty good, and the Guardians ain’t half bad either. The division belongs to Baltimore, who’ve become the AFC’s Dallas Cowboys tribute band. No one doubts they’ll be successful in the regular season, but everyone assumes they’ll screw the pooch in the playoffs. Can the Bengals be a fly in the ointment?? Joe Burrow is a top notch quarterback. He has solid weapons, although if I were the GM I’d be looking for upgrades in the backfield & at tight end in the next draft. However, Cincy’s defense ranked in the bottom third of the league last season, and that was with pass rusher Trey Hendrickson in the lineup. If his holdout continues it’s a huge problem, and even if he plays there are other issues.
South
Houston Texans (10-7) 9-8
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-13) 8-9
Indianapolis Colts (8-9) 7-10
Tennessee Titans (3-14) 6-11
Which teams will improve and which teams will regress?? The Texans have a target on their back and tweaked their team just a bit. There are some new coaches on offense and a revamped offensive line. Quarterback CJ Stroud’s QBR dropped from 53.2 during his rookie season to 50.2 last year, while his passer rating dropped from 100.8 to 87. He has to be better. The Colts will choose between QBs Anthony Richardson & Daniel Jones, which is like having drunk munchies at 3am and your best options are the container of Chinese food that’s been in your fridge for a week or risking a DUI to grab some Taco Bell. Jonathan Taylor is only 26 years old & one of the best RBs in football when healthy, and I really like first round draft pick Tyler Warren, who has elite tight end potential. Indy ranked 29th in total defense a season ago, and I don’t know if they did enough to improve significantly. #1 overall pick Cam Ward has an opportunity to be a special QB for the Titans, but it’ll take a couple of years to build a competitive roster around him. The Jags brought in former Tampa Bay offensive coordinator Liam Coen to be their new head coach and drafted unicorn Travis Hunter, who will allegedly play WR & CB. I like receiver Brian Thomas, and there are some dawgs on defense, but everything in Jacksonville is contingent upon QB Trevor Lawrence rebounding from an injury plagued season during which he only played in ten games.
East
Buffalo Bills (13-4) 14-3
Miami Dolphins (8-9) 9-8
New England Patriots (4-13) 7-10
New York Jets (5-12) 7-10
There is no question that the Bills will win the division easily. Their focus is solely on solving recent playoff woes & playing in February. The Dolphins moved some chess pieces around, but I don’t believe their team is any better or worse than last season. QB Tua Tagovailoa only played in 11 games a year ago, and it seems like further concussion issues could seriously jeopardize his career. Patriots QB Drake Maye comes into his second season surrounded by a team that has undergone a significant transformation. Former linebacker & Titans head coach Mike Vrabel now runs the show for the franchise he won three Super Bowls with, and offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels returns home after realizing he’s not really cut out to be a head coach. Things are looking up in New England, but let’s give them another year before raising expectations. The Jets are the Jets. I know there is some buzz around new quarterback Justin Fields, but I’ve never understood the hype. Former cornerback Aaron Glenn is the Jets’ fifth head coach in the past decade, and unfortunately I don’t think he’ll achieve much more than his last few predecessors.
West
Kansas City Chiefs (15-2) 12-5
Los Angeles Chargers (11-6) 10-7
Denver Broncos (10-7) 10-7
Las Vegas Raiders (4-13) 7-10
Have the Chiefs plateaued?? Can they make a fourth consecutive Super Bowl appearance?? I don’t believe it’ll be easy, but as long as Andy Reid is coaching and QB Patrick Mahomes remains healthy with no prominent erosion of his skills it’s too soon to dismiss KC. Having said that, I do think Jim Harbaugh’s Chargers will make things interesting. RB Najee Harris was a bust in Pittsburgh, and he’ll probably cede the starting gig to first rounder Omarion Hampton, but together they could be a formidable duo. A couple of receivers really need to step up for QB Justin Herbert, and the 11th ranked defense has to keep improving. A year ago I underestimated the skills of QB Bo Nix, but he showed alot of potential while leading the Broncos to the playoffs. Denver is probably looking at a very similar season in a really competitive division. I really like the Raiders trading for QB Geno Smith, who should be a significant upgrade over the potpourri of mediocrity that held the job the past couple of years. Super Bowl winning head coach Pete Carroll has also come out of retirement to lead the charge, which is oddly encouraging. With the addition of first round RB Ashton Jeanty & continued growth of tight end Brock Bowers there are signs of hope in Vegas, but their middle of the pack defense has to improve or they’ll continue to lose more games than they win.
I’ve never done a ton of research or crunched a bunch of data for this poll. I am not a sports journalist and I’m not getting paid for my thoughts, but as a football fan it’s a fun little project. If my forecast is off base we get a good laugh, and when I am occasionally accurate with predictions I can bask in the illusion that I know what I’m talking about. Having said that, it has become increasingly difficult to know what to expect from teams unless you are one of those “experts” who has intimate knowledge of a wide array of players that you’ve kept track of since they were initially recruited out of high school. In the past one could look at information like the number of returning starters or the previous season’s stats of a team’s senior QB. Perhaps it wasn’t a top factor, but experience used to atleast be a fairly good indicator for success. Now?? Most teams see their roster almost completely overhauled every year. Dozens of players transfer out, dozens transfer in. College football is a free-for-all, and that’s before we even try to figure out which conferences still exist and what teams play where. You know what though?? Soon enough, on each Saturday during the fall, dozens of stadiums will be filled with thousands of people, while millions vegg out at home glued to their television enjoying the action. Despite the greed, chaos, and collapse of tradition that has engulfed collegiate athletics in the past decade, we still love it. We keep coming back. We’re a captive audience and the powers-that-be know it. Perhaps a good therapist could help, but in lieu of that we’ll just plow forward and enjoy our glorious football weekends. Perhaps not as much as we once did, but still enough to give a damn.
The Sun Devils won the Big 12 a season ago before narrowly losing to Texas in the CFP. Second team All Big 12 QB Sam Leavitt & conference Newcomer of the Year receiver Jordyn Tyson are back, along with a good offensive line and a solid core on defense. Star RB Cam Skattebo has moved on to the NFL, which means potential Top 10 draft pick Leavitt will have to kick it up a notch. Given the tough road schedule I believe it’ll be difficult to match last year’s success.
The War Eagles have suffered thru four consecutive losing seasons and haven’t had double digit victories since 2017. Head coach Hugh Freeze is likely coaching for his job. New QB Jackson Arnold hopes to reenergize his career, which stalled at Oklahoma. I believe Auburn has a chance to score a couple of big upsets, which could get them to eight wins and a spot in the final poll.
23 Michigan
Last Season: 8-5
Key Games: 9/6 @ Oklahoma, 10/11 @ USC, 11/29 vs. Ohio St.
A season after winning the National Championship the Wolverines fell to seventh place in the Big Ten and lost to Alabama in a meaningless bowl game. It was head coach Sherrone Moore’s inaugural season, and to his credit he made some changes after a lackluster finish. New offensive coordinator Chip Lindsey has held the same position at places like Auburn, UCF, & North Carolina, and he’ll have five star recruit Bryce Underwood as his starting QB. I am more concerned with Michigan’s defense, which lost three key starters in the first couple rounds of the NFL Draft. Moore & defensive coordinator Wink Martindale (who has a Super Bowl ring from his time on the staff of the Baltimore Ravens more than a decade ago) have their work cut out for them competing in one of the two elite conferences.
22 Boise State
Last Season: 12-2
Key Games: 10/4 @ Notre Dame
The Broncos ended last year being handled by Penn St. in the playoff, but back in September they upset Oregon and concluded the season as Mountain West champions. Can they blow thru the conference again?? Do they have a realistic opportunity to defeat Notre Dame in South Bend?? We’ll see.
21 Southern Methodist
Last Season: 11-3
Key Games: 9/6 vs. Baylor, 10/11 vs. Stanford, 11/1 vs. Miami
The Mustangs almost upset Clemson in the ACC title game, which was good enough for an at-large bid to the CFP. Of course Penn St. beat the snot out of them in the first round, causing many to question the validity of their berth. If they can pull off a couple of big upsets at home SMU could find themselves in that mix once again.
The Wildcats stumbled down the stretch last season, losing 3 of their final 4 regular season games before rallying past Rutgers in a bowl game fourth quarter comeback. They must replace running back DJ Giddens, now plying his trade with the Indianapolis Colts, but QB Avery Johnson returns for his junior year. Johnson replaced Will Howard a year ago after he transferred to Ohio St. K-State has won atleast nine games three seasons in a row, but their middle-of-the-pack defense will need to improve significantly if they want to match that this year. We’ll know alot more about their team and the Big 12 in general after Iowa St. & K-State do battle in Ireland during the season’s inaugural weekend.
The Gators had a tough season last year, but finished riding a four game winning streak. Quarterback DJ Lagway was 6-1 as a starter a season ago, which is a valid reason to be optimistic. Head coach Billy Napier enters his 4th season in Gainesville with a .500 record, which isn’t good enough. This feels like a make or break year for him.
18 Nebraska
Last Season: 7-6
Key Games: 9/20 vs. Michigan, 11/1 vs. USC, 11/28 vs. Iowa
The Cornhuskers finished with a positive record last season only after winning the Pinstripe Bowl. I am old enough to remember when Nebraska was in the upper echelon of college football, but they haven’t been relevant for atleast a decade. Matt Rhule is another coach on the hot seat after going 12-13 in his first two seasons. He’s brought in former WVU coach Dana Holgersen to be the offensive coordinator, which might pay immediate dividends with QB Dylan Raiola behind center. New defensive coordinator John Butler was on the staff of the Buffalo Bills the last couple of years, and he’ll need to make sure that unit is atleast as good as they were last season…preferably better.
To the surprise of absolutely no one with a brain the Sooners struggled in their inaugural SEC campaign. A decade from now I believe there will be enough data to definitively conclude that leaving the Big 12 was a terrible mistake for Oklahoma & Texas…but clearly worse for Oklahoma. Head coach Brent Venables is 22-17 is his four years at the helm in Norman, so he’s yet another guy whose seat is probably getting rather warm. Last season he benched starting QB Jackson Arnold (who has since transferred to Auburn) in favor of true freshman Michael Hawkins Jr., who went 1-4 as the starter. Now John Mateer, formerly of Washington St., has headed south alongside offensive coordinator Ben Arbuckle, so it’s literally a whole new ballgame at OU. Venables made his bones as a defensive coordinator at Clemson, so I think that side of the ball has to win some big games for Oklahoma to be successful.
16 South Carolina
Last Season: 9-4
Key Games: 9/20 @ Missouri, 10/11 @ LSU, 10/25 vs. Alabama, 11/29 vs. Clemson
Are my expectations way too high for the Gamecocks?? Probably. The schedule is brutal, and they lost five defensive starters in the NFL Draft. However, I really like QB LaNorris Sellers, who will be in the Heisman conversation before too long. Are a couple of stunning upsets on the horizon?? Don’t be shocked.
Once upon a time USC being a Top Ten championship contender was an annual inevitability, but they’ve only achieved double digit victories thrice in the past decade. Their move to the Big Ten was another huge misstep in the absurdity that has damaged collegiate athletics, but there’s no use crying over spilt milk. Defense will need to dominate, which is asking alot from a unit that ranked near the bottom of the conference a year ago. Still, even one big upset and a slight improvement over last year’s win total could land the Trojans in the final poll.
The Red Raiders are, much of the time, the most overlooked football team in Texas, which is understandable. However, they have had sporadic success and produced a few notable NFL talents, like QB Patrick Mahomes. You may have heard of him. Anyway, I feel like the Big 12 is wide open, just waiting for a team to emerge and become the new standard bearer. Of course the issue is that there are probably a half dozen teams that seem poised to seize that opportunity, making for a very competitive situation.
While the Tigers will have several new skill players on the roster they return a solid offensive line, which is arguably more important. One of their key additions from the portal is 2024 Big 12 Defensive Freshman of the Year Josiah Trotter, formerly of the WVU Mountaineers. If the name sounds familiar it’s because he is the son of former Philadelphia Eagle Jeremiah Trotter and the brother of current Eagle Jeremiah Trotter Jr. It’s a huge loss for West Virginia because I believe Trotter will ball out and help Missouri’s defense rank near the top of the SEC. Missouri kind of snuck up on folks a season ago, but perhaps this year they won’t need to do that.
12 Miami (FL)
Last Season: 10-3
Key Games: 8/31 vs. Notre Dame, 9/20 vs. Florida, 11/1 @ SMU
The Hurricanes looked like a CFB contender for most of last season until losing 3 out of their last 4 (including the bowl game). They must replace their top four receivers from a year ago, and a new defensive coordinator will change things up a bit. Former starting QB Cam Ward was the #1 overall pick in the NFL Draft, but head coach Mario Cristobal pulled off the heist of the offseason by grabbing former Georgia QB Carson Beck from the portal. There is no question about talent in Coral Gables, it’s just a matter of developing chemistry amongst all the moving parts.
11 Georgia
Last Season: 11-3
Key Games: 9/27 vs. Alabama, 11/1 vs. Florida, 11/15 vs. Texas
You may be surprised to see the Bulldogs this low after they’ve had four consecutive double digit win seasons and won two out of the last four national championships. I just have a vibe…a feeling that the SEC is as competitive as it’s ever been and it is inevitable that a great team will have a slightly down year or two. Thirteen Bulldogs were drafted into the NFL, and QB Carson Beck transferred to Miami (FL). New signal caller Gunner Stockton has seen plenty of game action in the past, but I can’t help but think Georgia faces an uphill climb to compete for another conference title.
10 Clemson
Last Season: 10-4
Key Games: 10/4 @ North Carolina, 10/18 vs. SMU, 11/29 @ South Carolina
I am really looking forward to Clemson vs. UNC, which happens one day before my birthday in October. Dabo Swinney vs. Bill Belichick…a total contrast in styles in every conceivable way. Hopefully Dabo opens up a can of whoopass on Ol’ Sourpuss, who’ll need to be consoled by his adolescent concubine. Anyway, we’ve kind of overlooked the Tigers the last few years after they fell off a bit from six consecutive appearances in the four team CFP that resulted in two national championships. In 2024 they were back in the playoff, losing to Texas in Round 1 after winning the ACC title. I expect similar results this year.
9 Alabama
Last Season: 9-4
Key Games: 9/27 @ Georgia, 10/18 vs. Tennessee, 10/25 @ South Carolina, 11/8 vs. LSU
Head coach Kalen DeBoer didn’t do too bad in his first year at the helm in Tuscaloosa, but “not too bad” is a stinging rebuke in those parts. Replacing a legend like Nick Saban is a tall order, and it remains to be seen if DeBoer is the long term solution. More than two dozen players departed via the portal, while seven were drafted into the NFL. The schedule is tough, and I’ll be very surprised if the Tide rolls into the SEC title game. Still, it is oddly amusing that a Top Ten finish might be seen as a disappointment.
8 Iowa State
Last Season: 11-3
Key Games: 8/23 vs. Kansas St., 11/1 vs. Arizona St., 11/29 @ Oklahoma St.
At 6ft.1, 210lbs. Rocco Becht might not have a foolproof future as an NFL quarterback, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a hell of a college player. The Cyclones have to replace alot of talent along the offensive line and in the secondary, but I see no reason not to expect double digit victories and perhaps a Big 12 title. We’ll know more right out of the gate, as Iowa St. faces Kansas St. in the only noteworthy game during “Week Zero”.
7 Ohio State
Last Season: 14-2
Key Games: 8/30 vs. Texas, 11/1 vs. Penn St., 11/29 @ Michigan
We’ll know quickly whether or not the defending national champions are up to the task of preserving that title. The Buckeyes had 14 players selected in the NFL Draft, including four in the first round. They’ve had several talented wide receivers thru the years, and sophomore Jeremiah Smith might end up being one of the best. However, when I look at the schedule, the players they lost, and the strength of the Big Ten, I’m not sure Ohio St. can equal last season’s success. As a matter of fact, I am probably overrating them.
One of the most surprising events of the offseason was Vols’ starting QB Nico Iamaleava transferring to UCLA after a disagreement about NIL money. Unfortunately such things are part of our new reality. Anyway, the new QB is Joey Aguilar, who is 24 years old and threw for over 6700 yards & 56 touchdowns in two years at Appalachian St. Tennessee was second in total defense in the SEC a season ago, and if they can maintain that intensity I believe there are some conference powerhouses that feel beatable this year.
5 Penn State
Last Season: 13-3
Key Games: 9/27 vs. Oregon, 11/1 @ Ohio St.
Full disclosure…I do not perceive Drew Allar as a future top tier NFL quarterback. We can revisit that assessment in a few years. Meanwhile, I do believe Allar is a perfectly fine college QB with plenty of experience and two bitter memories to avenge. The Nittany Lions fell short in the Big Ten title game a season ago, then, after receiving an at large bid to the CFP, Allar threw an interception with 30 seconds left in the semifinal game that set up a field goal victory for Notre Dame. Players can either be destroyed by such calamities, or they can grow thru them. I’ll be stunned if Penn St. doesn’t win atleast ten games, with the biggest mountains to climb a revenge game against Oregon in the cozy confines of Happy Valley, and a daunting trip to The Horseshoe against the defending national champions. I don’t even think they need to win both of those games. Win just one and they’ll snag a playoff berth. Of course winning the conference title and receiving a first round bye in the CFP would be the most accommodating path.
4 LSU
Last Season: 9-4
Key Games: 8/30 @ Clemson, 10/11 vs. South Carolina, 11/8 @ Alabama
My nephew Noah has high hopes for the Bayou Bengals, and I trust his judgment. LSU suffered a brutal three game losing streak late last season that torpedoed all of their hopes. Of course starting out by losing the season opener to a Southern Cal team that’d end up being 7-6 didn’t bode well either. It’s a new day in Baton Rouge though. QB Garrett Nussmeier’s father Doug played the same position for the New Orleans Saints and now serves as their offensive coordinator. Coaches’ kids are just built different, so despite what the sports media will undoubtedly try to sell ad nauseum this autumn, Nussmeier may be the best quarterback in college football and the best pro prospect. LSU lost seven players in the NFL Draft, and their 11th ranked SEC defense needs to improve, but I’ve got a good vibe. The season opener at Clemson is huge, so don’t miss it.
Arch Manning. You’ve probably heard the quarterback’s name mentioned a few thousand times the last couple of years, despite the fact that he hasn’t actually accomplished much. Look, I get it. His grandfather is a quasi-legend. His two uncles are both Super Bowl winning Hall of Famers. The bloodline is epic. But now it’s time to put up or shut up for young Arch. Fortunately he is surrounded by elite talent, despite the Longhorns losing a dozen players in the NFL Draft (it should’ve been 13, but that’s another story). The schedule makers obviously have a sense of humor (or an agenda), because the same Ohio St. Buckeyes that defeated Texas in the CFP semifinals last season will host them in the opener. I do not believe a loss destroys either team, nor do I think a victory preemptively crowns them. However, we can’t deny that it’ll set a tone.
2 Oregon
Last Season: 13-1
Key Games: 9/27 @ Penn St.
It had to be a crushing blow for the Ducks. In their inaugural Big Ten season they are 13-0 and win the conference title…then get manhandled from the jump by an Ohio St. team they’d beaten a couple of months earlier. I’ll be surprised by anything less than ten wins, with everything riding on a late September visit to Happy Valley. QB Dante Moore leveled up by transferring from UCLA, and he’s just one of many new faces in Eugene. Ten former Ducks went in the NFL Draft, and their was a ton of portal activity, both incoming & outgoing. Like many other programs, it is probably unfair to judge Oregon based on last year because it’s almost a whole new team. That being said, I have faith in head coach Dan Lanning to assemble all the right puzzle pieces and guide them down the right path.
It physically hurts me to do this. I’ve always had a vague disdain for Notre Dame for various reasons and almost always root against them. However, I cannot deny that, despite their stubborn refusal to join a conference that looks much more astute with each passing year and the tediously fawning sports media, the Fighting Irish remain legitimately relevant year after year. Last season they made it all the way to the CFP championship game before a terrible second quarter doomed them to defeat. Not only do I not believe they’ll suffer an inexcusable loss as they did during last year’s regular season (Northern Illinois?? REALLY??), but if Notre Dame gets out of the gate 2-0 then batten down the hatches. Replacing Riley Leonard at QB won’t be easy, but it’s not as if he was Montana or Theismann. RB Jeremiyah Love will be invited to the Heisman ceremony (before losing out to a quarterback). Only six Irish players were selected in the NFL Draft (none of them in the first round), so it feels like there is a real opportunity to be even better than last year. The only question is if they can get over the hump and take that final step to the first Notre Dame championship since 1988. Somehow, in the midst of conference realignment, NIL free agency, ESPN devouring the sports world like Godzilla, and vacuous talking heads fellatiating the SEC and the Big Ten, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish have almost become venerable underdogs. How the hell did that happen?!?!??
There are differing schools of thought concerning the cancellation of The Late Show w/ Stephen Colbert.
Some conspiracy theorists lay the blame at the feet of President Trump, because of course they do. They point out that CBS recently settled a lawsuit with Trump, and an undisclosed part of the deal may involve canning Colbert, who has always been a vocal critic of our President. I concede that it’s a theory that contains a strain of logic and is entertaining in the surreptitious sort of way that such stories tend to be.
Another idea involves the television viewing habits of the audience, especially younger demographics, which are constantly evolving in the Digital Age. It paints late night television as archaic and predicts that the demise of the Late Show is a death knell for the entire concept. Will Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, or Jimmy Fallon be next on the chopping block??
The most prosaic rationale for the decision is financial, which is what CBS & Paramount stated.
My vibe is that all of the above can be atleast partially true. I used to be a big fan of late night TV…Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Tom Snyder, Craig Ferguson. However, it’s no secret that my viewing habits have changed in the past several years for multiple reasons.
Have these shows become too political?? Absolutely. If you happen to agree with their…perspective…that’s fine, and you are probably entertained, but that freezes out the other half of the country who see things differently, which isn’t a wise business strategy. Do I really think Donald Trump got The Late Show cancelled?? No, but I believe that there is a certain level of TDS fatigue. People used to watch late night shows to escape the tedium of “real life”. Now?? These guys won’t let us escape. Love Trump?? Fine. Hate Trump?? Okay. Either way, can’t we talk about something else for an hour??
Is the end of late night television altogether on the horizon?? I’d hate to see that happen, but say that thru the prism of nostalgia. These legendary programs, and more importantly their hosts, have been a cornerstone of the entertainment landscape almost since television began. Carson was the undisputed King of Late Night, and I grew up watching Letterman. While those two stand head & shoulders above the rest, others have done the job well. I understand that many found Leno somewhat pedestrian, but his style made the TonightShow transition smooth. Fallon was fantastic when he took over Late Night from Conan O’Brien, but he’s a sycophant who has followed his buddies Kimmel, Myers, & Colbert down the wrong path in recent years. I really enjoyed Snyder & Ferguson, who both marched to the beat of their own drum, with the audience reaping the benefits.
Having said all of that, it is undeniable that, like so many others things in the world, entertainment evolves. When I was a kid we only had a smattering of television channels, whereas now there are hundreds. Johnny Carson ruled late night before The Internet existed. Celebrities making the rounds on late night TV to promote their latest movie/book/album/show seems rather quaint when there are myriad ways for them to achieve the same goal, most notably thru direct interaction with fans on social media. The perceived importance of late night television has been greatly diminished, while the influence & talent level of the people fronting those programs has declined precipitously.
I am at an age where I have had to say farewell to many things that we thought would always be around, but then again “nothing lasts forever”. It is one of those trite maxims that is nevertheless true. If you still enjoy what television networks offer after your local news each weeknight, that’s cool, but count yourselves amongst a dying breed.
When David Letterman retired a decade ago I stated that I’d probably “begin my own transformation into a cantankerous old geezer and be in bed way before 11:30pm more & more often”, and I now laugh at the accuracy. MY GOD…the accuracy!! Just last week I was tired after a particularly arduous day and went to sleep at 9:30pm. I have embraced my hermit lifestyle and put a premium on peace, tranquility, and mirth. Late night television hasn’t provided those things for awhile now. So go ahead…cancel Kimmel. Finish Fallon. Mothball Meyers. They’ve not adequately filled the shoes they were hired to anyway.
I’m going to spare y’all a long preamble and only reiterate the fact that my earliest television memories begin in the 1970’s, my formative years were mostly in the 1980’s, and by the time the 1990’s rolled around I segued from college to the “real” world. Entertainment after the turn of the century has been a mostly prosaic blur, with my tastes firmly focused on particular areas that don’t include many prime time dramas or comedies, and no stupid “reality” shows. Take that information however you want, with the knowledge that it shapes this project significantly. If you haven’t already, please check out parts 1, 2, and 3.
70 Bewitched (Bewitched)
Chances are, if I’ve enjoyed a television show even a little bit and its theme song is a lively big band tune, I’m going to hold it in high regard. Bewitched ended its eight season run a few months before I was born, but it’s one of those older programs that was available in syndication well into the 1980’s, and with all the entertainment platforms at our disposal nowadays I’m sure it remains accessible to those who seek it out.
69 A Different World (A Different World)
Here’s our chance to make it
If we focus on our goal
You can dish it, we can take it
Just remember that you’ve been told
It’s a different world than where you come from
Remember what I said about In Living Color?? Well, I didn’t feel the same about A Different World. Perhaps, because it not only was a traditional half hour sitcom, but also a spinoff of the beloved Cosby Show, I felt it was relatable. It also premiered when I was still in high school so I didn’t have the collegiate distractions yet. Sure, there was a distinct point of view and heavier subjects were addressed in that special way that situation comedies have of weaving such topics into the narrative, but it was well written, funny, and offered great performances. Bill Cosby himself, as well as cast member Dawnn Lewis, contributed to the writing process of the theme song, which evolved thru the years from a bluesy tune to more hip-hop infused. The Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin actually sang it for a few seasons.
68 Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood)
It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood
A beautiful day for a neighbor
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?
Anyone who grew up in the 70’s, 80’s, or even the 90’s was blessed to have Fred Rogers imprint our childhood. It sure as hell was far superior to the twisted indoctrination children receive nowadays. At any rate, Mr. Rogers himself wrote & performed the theme, which still creates warm fuzzies all these years later. We’d all do well to emulate its message.
I’m going to blame this one on my elder nephew, who was born in the early 1990’s, right around the time TMNT surged in popularity. I think I may have watched the first movie, but otherwise lost interest rather quickly. The TV show was cooler anyway. The idea of badass turtles trained in martial arts & named after Renaissance artists is undeniably quirky in the best possible way. They loved pizza too!!
66 Star Trek: TOS / Star Trek: TNG
Space…the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Shoutout to an old friend who made me a Trekkie in college. Well, okay, I think I was more of a Trekker. Actually, my fandom is rather odd. TOS came & went before I was born, but I LOVE the six movies with the original crew that were produced from 1979-91. Alright alright…some of those films were way better than others, but that’s a debate for another day. Conversely, I adore TNG, but the four big screen offerings we got between 1994 & 2002 just don’t frost my cupcake. Contrary to what some may assume, the shows had two distinct themes. TOS’ opening was composed by Alexander Courage (what a fantastic name), while TNG’s theme was composed by Jerry Goldsmith, who had done the music for several Trek films.
65 Scooby-Doo Where Are You? (Scooby-Doo)
Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?
We got some work to do now
Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?
We need some help from you now
Scooby-Do was always one of my favorite cartoons. I laugh now, looking at it thru the prism of adulthood and wondering what exactly Shaggy & Scooby were doing in their spare time.
64 As Long As We Got Each Other (Growing Pains)
As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin’ right in our hands
Baby, you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’
Family sitcoms were much more strait-laced and far less sardonic four decades ago. Dr. Jason Seaver is a laid back Long Island psychiatrist, while his wife Maggie is a news reporter. Their three children are boilerplate sitcom kids: uptight & scholarly Carol, wiseass Mike, and slacker Ben. A fourth child was added at some point, and in the final season the Seavers took in a homeless teen portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio. You may have heard of him. At any rate, the show’s theme was a duet featuring BJ Thomas, known for hit songs Hooked on a Feeling, Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song, and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head, and Jennifer Warnes, probably best remembered for two fantastic film duets…Up Where We Belong with Joe Cocker (for the 1983 movie An Officer & A Gentleman) and I’ve Had The Time of My Life with Bill Medley (for the 1987 classic Dirty Dancing).
63 The Jetsons (The Jetsons)
Meet George Jetson His boy, Elroy Daughter Judy Jane, his wife
In retrospect it’s kind of cool how The Jetsons, in the 1960s, portrayed the future 2062, which is now less than four decades away. While we haven’t yet achieved George’s work week of two hours two days per week, video calls, flat-screen TVs, smartwatches, and robot assistants are a few things that have moved from science fiction to reality. The theme song is a peppy, upbeat “spacey”, big band/lounge number that introduces each character by name, and it became a Top Ten hit in 1986 when new episodes of the show were produced.
62 The Pink Panther (The Pink Panther)
If you’re a Boomer then you probably remember the 1960’s Pink Panther film series featuring bumbling French detective Inspector Clousseau. If you’re a Gen-Xer you might remember the Pink Panther starring in commercials for fiberglass insulation. The character has also been in over 100 theatrical shorts and multiple cartoon shows. No matter where you know it from, we’re all familiar with the jazzy theme composed by the legendary Henry Mancini.
61 Bandstand Boogie (American Bandstand)
We’re goin’ hoppin’
We’re goin’ hoppin’ today
Where things are poppin’
The Philadelphia way
We’re gonna drop in
On all the music they play
On the Bandstand (Bandstand)
Dick Clark was an American treasure. From hosting the $10k Pyramid game show to co-hosting TV’s Bloopers & Practical Jokes with Ed McMahon to creating so many holiday memories with New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, Clark was a radio & television icon. He might be most remembered for hosting the coolest of all song & dance programs for the vast majority of its 37 year run. Bandstand Boogie had been recorded by various artists, but the version we all know & love was performed by Barry Manilow starting in 1977.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
Anyone who knows me understands that I’m a Batman guy. I’ve had no interest in seeing the vast majority of Marvel movies released in the past twenty years, and have not bothered with the last few incarnations of Superman. However, with DC Comics aiming to create their own “cinematic universe” (which will obviously include new adventures of the Caped Crusader), and based on a trailer that looked interesting, I had preliminary plans of checking out the newest Superman flick that hit theaters this week…until director James Gunn opened his yapper, and now I’m out. Apparently the latest version of the Man of Steel is a thinly veiled treatise on immigration, and Gunn is oddly proud of that, which is the problem with so many Hollywood types these days. They don’t simply view themselves as artists creating pleasant entertainment to distract the masses from the harsh realities of daily life. Instead, they see their vocation as a platform to pontificate on sociopolitical issues and sway public opinion. They are crusaders, hellbent on imposing their worldview on an unsuspecting audience just trying to relax & have fun. I understand that folks have the freedom to choose whether or not to buy a ticket, but let’s be honest…most people don’t do research before going to see a movie. Superman kind of sells himself, right?? Which makes it all the more loathsome to soil such an icon with “perspective” that many moviegoers might not support.
I don’t have it in me to go into a long tirade about the Jeffrey Epstein situation. However, it’s frustrating to see people that we were excited about not long ago, people we trusted…Kash Patel, Pam Bondi, Dan Bongino…clearly lying & trying to gaslight us. That’s what the previous administration did, and it’s a huge reason they were voted out of office. If there’s anything we’ve learned in the past year, it is just how deep government corruption goes. They are all…on both sides of the aisle…dirtier than we ever could have imagined.
What the hell is up with Elon Musk?? I understand that he’s a genius. It makes sense that his entrepreneurial spirit and “Get it done” attitude probably aren’t compatible with the frustrating labyrinth of the federal government, where accomplishing much of anything is an uphill climb. However, whatever the root of his beef with President Trump may be, throwing a childish tantrum is a bad look that reflects poorly on Musk and further impedes Trump’s agenda, as if he needs anymore roadblocks. I don’t know if the “third party” Musk is trying to get off the ground will have any legs, but if it does things won’t end well for the American people. At the end of the day a third party will not succeed, and can only serve to hamstring the movement Musk not only endorsed but fully participated in. The potential outcome might be putting the kind of Marxists we just got rid of in charge again, which would be disastrous. Trump & Musk either need to hug it out & get back on the same page, or Musk has to step off, stay out of politics altogether, and settle back into running his successful businesses while Trump continues to cook in The White House.
I honestly didn’t have New York City electing a Muslim Socialist Mayor just two short decades after 9/11 on my 2025 Bingo Card. I guess free stuff means more to voters in The Big Apple than respecting the memories of 3000 friends & neighbors who were brutally murdered on one of our nation’s darkest days.
My father always taught me that there are three sides to every story…one side, the other side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Obviously not all immigrants are violent thugs, but isn’t it a worthy goal to rid ourselves of the ones who are?? And doesn’t the fact that people sneak into America illegally instead of going thru the proper channels atleast paint them in a bad light, no matter what their intentions might ultimately be?? On the flip side, do leftists consider the fact that many immigrants come here legally, build a life, get an education, and contribute more to society than unskilled labor?? Some even become business owners. Intimating that immigrants aren’t capable of doing anything beyond the low paying jobs others don’t want is vaguely racist, which is odd when coupled with the same folks patronizingly promoting racism as being a psyop that poor white people are too stupid to escape. Honestly, the arrogance, moral superiority, and absolute tackiness of leftists has become exhausting. Thankfully the masses seem to be more aware of that fact with each passing day.
