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Top 25 Christmas Carols…The Top 10

Be sure to read Part 1 to get numbers 11-25 on this list. And now…from the home office in the beautiful, snow covered hills of northcentral West Virginia…The Manofesto’s Top 10 Christmas Carols:

 

 

 

10 Winter Wonderland / Jingle Bells

Ok, so The Top 10 is going to have slightly more than 10 songs. Hey, if the Big 10 conference can get away with having 11 football teams then why should I be forced to stay within arbitrary boundaries?? Anyway, as we move into the upper echelon you will find that the ubiquitous quotient increases exponentially. In other words, now we’re getting to the songs that you sing while caroling and hear on the radio several times per day this time of year. That kind of repetitiveness would serve to drive many of us nuts most of the time, but personally my love for Christmas carols is such that I not only can endure hearing the same song a half dozen times a day for a few weeks, but I actually embrace it.

Jingle Bells is yet another “winter carol”, meaning it’s not actually a Christmas song. Seriously…listen to the lyrics. It never references Jesus, Santa, trees, decorations, gifts, or anything else even remotely associated with Christmas. What it does do is make schlepping around outside in bitter cold and snow sound like fun, which I suppose it would be in a horse drawn sled as opposed to a two ton motor vehicle with hundreds of bad drivers surrounding you and endangering your life. All of us, from the smallest child to the greyest head have probably sung Jingle Bells thousands of times. It’s a happy, upbeat song and that’s a good thing.

Winter Wonderland was written in a sanitarium. I bet you didn’t know that. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. In the 1930’s, when the song was written, sanitariums weren’t places for mental patients…they were simply long term care hospitals, commonly used for folks with tuberculosis. Anyway, another example of a winter song that was not specifically written in reference to Christmas, Winter Wonderland also makes looking outside and realizing that it’s cold and there’s a ton of snow on the ground seem like a positive thing. It describes snow as “glistening” and “a beautiful sight”. The words conspire, frolic, and Eskimo are utilized as well, and that’s impressive and unique. FYI, because I am here not only to entertain but to educate, Parson Brown would have been a preacher. I kind of like that term. Maybe I’ll start calling my minister Parson Rod.

 

 

9 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer / Frosty the Snowman

I realize I am in my late 30’s heading downhill toward 40. But darn it, I am fully in touch with my inner child and proud of it. Evidence that these two songs are the top two children’s’ Christmas songs can be found on your television, where two animated specials featuring Frosty and Rudolph have been annual traditions for over 40 years. Rudolph may be the second example in history where commerce and holiday wonder converged successfully not only on the balance sheet but in the hearts of the American public (leave me a comment on what you think was the first and we’ll see if we’re on the same wavelength). “The most famous reindeer of all” was created by an ad executive for Montgomery Ward department store in 1939. The character grew from that man’s story into the song written by Johnny Marks and recorded by Gene Autry in 1949 into the famous Rankin/Bass animated special first shown on television in 1964. Frosty was likely created in an effort to ride the wave of success brought on by Rudolph, but that’s okay. If one thinks of it as a sequel atleast it’s a good sequel and not something awful like Jaws: The Revenge or Staying Alive. It’s also another game effort to make cold, snowy weather seem pleasant. The Autry version of Rudolph is still the best, but a very close second is a swingin’ cover by Dean Martin, in which he refers to the titular character as Rudy the Red-Beaked Reindeer. How cool is that?? I personally still like the Jimmy Durante version of Frosty used for the television special better than any cover I’ve ever heard.

 

 

8 Deck the Halls

Deck the Halls continues the tradition of taking a tune (in this case a Welsh song written in the 16th century) and then creating appropriate lyrics for it a few hundred years later. A few random notes must be made about the song. “Gay apparel” meant a whole different thing when the words were written and has nothing to do with cross dressing or anything else in relation to sexual preferences. Jolly and merry are both used in the song, another example of painting a picture and telling us exactly how we, ideally, should feel during the Christmas season. And finally, as anyone who has watched the perennial holiday classic A Christmas Story can verify, Deck the Halls is the opening theme music as played by an unknown (atleast to me) but quite lovely brass ensemble. I love to hear this song sung by a choir or a group of carolers, and if it’s going to be played orchestrally it should be played in an old fashioned way, not too jazzed up with modern instruments and stylizations. One should be able to hear the trumpet, the trombone, and the saxophone.

 

 

7 Sleigh Ride

Sleigh Ride is the Christmas carol equivalent of Boise State or TCU…one doesn’t really expect to see it highly ranked but that lack of respect doesn’t make it any less worthy. Sleigh Ride is a winter carol not especially written for Christmas and has a lot of similarities both in structure and lyrical content with Jingle Bells and Winter Wonderland. The inaugural version was recorded by The Boston Pops in 1949, and they probably still do it best, though I am torn between their purely instrumental adaptation and those with words, such as Mel Torme and Harry Connick Jr. My best advice is to learn the words…which speak of friends, wintry fairy lands, a wonderland of snow, being nice & rosy and comfy cozy, a fireplace, watching chestnuts pop, coffee & pumpkin pie, and Currier & Ives…then sing along to the Boston Pops rendition.

 

 

6 Jingle Bell Rock / Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

The connection here is obvious…rock. Rock n’ roll swept the nation into a frenzy in the 1950’s, and these carols came along during the latter part of that decade. Both tunes are more what we would today call rockabilly or southern rock, which is probably why I like them so much. I’m a huge fan of bands like Lynyrd Skynyrd, Stray Cats, and ZZ Top, all of whom fall into that genre to some degree. Even Elvis Presley was really a rockabilly artist. Anyway, both of these songs are just a swingin’ good time. As Dick Clark might say, “they have a good beat, and they’re easy to dance to…I give them both a 10”. The original Bobby Helms version of Jingle Bell Rock is still the best, although The Brian Setzer Orchestra did a nice cover. The song is the opening theme for the original Lethal Weapon (one of the best action and Christmas movies of all time) played just before a girl jumps off the top of a high rise apartment building into the roof of a parked car. Brenda Lee did the best and most well known version of Rockin’, and no other cover really stands out as particularly notable. When I hear it I always think of the scene in Home Alone when the bumbling crooks come by what they think is an empty house only to see a happenin’ party going down, a party that is really only MacCaulay Culkin’s Kevin manipulating a bunch of inanimate objects (including a cardboard Michael Jordan).

 

 

5 Silent Night

Earlier I made reference to sitting in a candlelit church at midnight on Christmas Eve singing softly. This is the second tune which fits that motif. Silent Night is a German carol written in the early 19th century by two Austrians. Supposedly the church organ was broken so the two men wrote the song specifically to be played on the guitar. That seems appropriate. Minimalism is the key when it comes to Silent Night. It doesn’t need to be loud, boisterous, or modern in any way. It needs to be simple, almost meditative. I find it perfectly acceptable to sing acapella, but also with just a single instrument, be it guitar, piano, saxophone, or trumpet. The words are quite possibly the most beautiful and eloquent description of the night Jesus was born ever written. I don’t think it is humanly possible for anyone with even an ounce of faith to not have something stir within them when they hear this song. Give me 24 hours with an atheist and an endless loop of Silent Night and I just might be able to accomplish something wonderful.

 

 

4 White Christmas

Here we go again with trying to make snow sound positive!! The question I have as a person who hates snow is…why do I get sucked in EVERY time?? Written in 1940 by famed composer Irving Berlin (who also wrote God Bless America, Steppin’ Out with My Baby, There’s No Business Like Show usiness and hundreds of other songs), White Christmas was made famous by Bing Crosby, who sang it in the movie Holiday Inn. The song itself inspired another movie (though not a sequel) starring Crosby…you can guess the title. The lyrics provide a perfect mix of wistful nostalgia and old fashioned romantic charm. It’s actually a pretty simple tune, with only two different stanzas that are just repeated. It is the most popular Christmas carol in the world and some say it is the most popular song in history, Christmas or otherwise. Because money grubbing bean counters didn’t really start tracking such things until a decade or so after the song was released no one really knows for sure, but it’s a nice thought. It is certainly influential. Ask yourself this…have you ever hoped, even slightly, for a white Christmas?? Yes, you have…everybody has. The question, again, is why?? Why are we so hell bent on trekking around to various relatives’ houses on Christmas Day in bitter cold and on icy roads?? It makes no logical sense. Christmas would be much easier and more convenient if it were 60 degrees and sunny. But…it just wouldn’t be…right. I blame this song on that kind of insanity being ingrained in to us…this wonderful, beautiful, powerfully expressive song. Because of its popularity dozens…probably hundreds…of artists have covered it. Almost any singer, band, orchestra, or other assorted musical performer who has ever produced a Christmas album puts White Christmas on the playlist. But really, there is only one rendition that is worthy, and that is Crosby’s. That man could sing. Christmas simply isn’t Christmas without White Christmas, and we’re all the better for it.

 

 

3 The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire)

Let me get this off my chest right off the bat: I don’t really care for chestnuts. But look over the list so far…how many songs do I love that glorify snowy , cold, wintry weather all while I detest such conditions?? So who cares if I’d rather have a big ol’ hunk of chocolate cake than a bag of toasty chestnuts?? I have to admit though, Nat King Cole makes those chestnuts sound tasty. Written in 1944 during a heat wave by Mel Torme, the song began as a simple effort to “think cool”. I dig irony, and I dig descriptive. Several songs mentioned in this list paint a wonderful, cozy, fun, or nostalgic picture of the Christmas season, but none do it with the elegance and class of The Christmas Song. It talks about “yuletide carols being sung by a choir”, turkey, mistletoe, “tiny tots with their eyes all aglow”, Santa with his sleigh full of toys, and reindeer. It’s not a religious song, and it’s not a fun kids’ song…it’s sentimental without being sappy, lighthearted without being frivolous. The aforementioned Cole did the definitive version, and I tend not to stray far from it, though I do like Torme’s rendition alot. And as much as I hate to admit it, Kenny G does an exquisite instrumental on his saxophone. A piano and/or sax is essential for The Christmas Song, it’s just that kind of tune.

 

 

2 Blue Christmas

While White Christmas seems to get all the good PR, I give the nod to another color…blue. Country artist Ernest Tubb originally recorded the song in 1948, but a few years later The King (this time I mean Elvis, not Jesus) came along and the rest is history. I suppose Freud-types would love analyzing a single guy’s bromance with a Christmas carol about unrequited love, and that’s okay with me. It’s completely logical that a man in my situation would appreciate the subject matter, although there’s really no one that I am currently pining away for. Musically it’s a simple song, accompanied best on guitar. Elvis, despite his rockin’ reputation, was an exquisite singer with a sublime voice. I suppose that’s why no other cover quite lives up to his. There is one other version that I really like and it’s a bit off the beaten path. Some years ago a person calling themselves Seymour Swine did Blue Christmas as sung by Porky Pig. Folks, do yourself a favor…if you have not heard Blue Christmas by Porky Pig/Seymour Swine stop whatever you are doing and Google it right now. It is one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life. I have never been able to find out the story behind Seymour Swine and have never heard any other songs by that artist. I think Blue Christmas may have been recorded live in a radio station or something, as one of the funniest things about it is the guys laughing in the background…it makes the song that much funnier. I don’t know of another Christmas carol that evokes such opposite emotions depending upon who is doing the singing. It’s quite the odd dichotomy.

 

 

1 O Holy Night

As bumbling burglar Marv says to his partner Harry in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York…”I’ve reached the top!”. O Holy Night completes the triumvirate of songs best enjoyed in a candlelit church on Christmas Eve. Written in the mid-19th century in France, it is an emotional account of the night Jesus was born. It refers to the “thrill of hope” as “the weary world rejoices”, a “world in sin and error pining”. It uses words like glorious, divine, beaming, and gleaming to describe that hope, the hope we have in our Savior, Jesus Christ. The song tells us exactly what Jesus is all about, that “He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger”, that “He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace”, and that “chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother, and in his name all oppression shall cease”. If you can’t get on fire for The Lord after reading those words there is something missing and you better get on your knees and search your soul! But…reading the words isn’t even a good substitute for hearing the song. When done right it is soft and tender before building into a powerful crescendo that fills the heart with emotion. Nat King Cole did a great cover in the 60’s, but he doesn’t have quite enough gas in the tank to pull off the climax as well as it should be done. For my money the best cover I’ve heard is probably Josh Groban’s from a few years ago. That dude has some pipes!! I am sure there are other good versions that I am not thinking of at the moment. At any rate, it’s a beautiful song that should be sung acapella or with very minimal instrumentation by a legitimately great singer, not someone who is good looking and can sing just enough to justify making a record (a description that unfortunately describes probably 75% of what you hear on the radio).

 

 

 

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. And God bless us everyone.

 

 

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100 Favorite Movies…..61-65

It dawned on me after I posted the previous installment of this series that I failed to write a pithy introduction. My apologies. It is difficult when one takes into consideration that by the time I’m finished with this project I will have written about 20 such intros. What makes it even harder is that my taste in movies tends to be so eclectic, something that is really being driven home to me as I write these little ditties, that usually there’s nothing to tie any 5 of these movies together. Today’s entry is a perfect example. There are virtually no similarities between any of these five films. I suppose the good thing is that with such a wide variety of things that I like I am bound to touch on atleast one thing or another that’ll be of interest to everyone.

 

 

 

65 Airplane!

If anyone were ever to build a Mount Rushmore of parody films, the first and foremost honoree would have to be Airplane!. Made in 1980, the film is meant to spoof a plethora of 70’s airline disaster flicks. It’s cast is a brilliant collection of heretofore tough guy types known for their dramatic roles, most notably Robert Stack, Leslie Nielsen, Loyd Bridges, and Peter Graves, who areairplane very much cast against type. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar makes a super fun cameo as himself apparently trying to live a double life as an airline pilot under an assumed name. The plot involves many of the passengers and nearly the entire crew, including the pilot and co-pilot, becoming ill because of food poisoning and a passenger who just happens to be a pilot with post traumatic stress disorder being called into action to fly and land the plane. But this is another rare case where the story takes a back seat. This time though the centerpiece of hilarity are sight gags and side-splitting word play. One has to watch Airplane! a few times to take in all the visual and verbal gags. There’s Barbara Billingsley, the mother on Leave It to Beaver, speaking ebonics. The emergency autopilot is a blowup doll. A guy who thinks he’s Ethel Merman (played, in her final appearance on film, by Ethel Merman). Co-pilots named Roger and Captain Oveur (think about it). And the great thing is, it never gets old. After over a quarter century those of us who love this movie still laugh when we watch.

 

64 Raging Bull

Robert Deniro is such a brilliant actor that he could take the worst story imaginable and make it halfway compelling. Fortunately as real life boxer Jake Lamotta, in a film directed by the legendary Martin Scorcese, Deniro has a good story with which to work. He also has capable support from Joe Pesci in what was his first major film. I’m not a big boxing fan, but the acting and Scorcese’s style make this a modern classic. Maybe if I’d have been born a few years earlier or if I loved boxing as much as I do other sports Raging Bull would rank higher, as it does on most lists of this ilk. However, I must remain true to my own tastes and preferences, and this is where it falls on my spectrum.

 

63 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Readers of this series know by now of my affection for Jimmy Stewart. I’m also a bit of a political aficionado and an unabashed patriot, so Mr. Smith falls right into my wheelhouse. The story revolves around a small town yokel (a role Stewart showed many times he could play perfectly) who is handpicked to fill an open seat in the U.S. Senate. He is chosen by a corrupt political machine who believes he can be easily manipulated so they can achieve their selfish goals. The villain in this complex web of deceit is the elder senator from Stewart’s state, played by Claud Rains, who is probably better known for playing the corrupt police official in Casablanca. Rains played the role of conflicted slimeball several times and was apparently quite good at it. I’m not sure how a Frenchman snagged the role of a United States Senator, and the fact that he doesn’t really make much of an effort to hide the accent is somewhat distracting. Adding support as a caustic adminstrative aide is Jean Arthur. She is assigned the task of babysitting the doe-eyed new Senator and gradually falls for him. The plotline specifics, in which Stewart’s character wants to build a “national boys’ camp” on land that, unbeknownst to him, Rains’ character has more nefarious and profitable plans in store, are not necessarily all that crucial. The film is about political corruption, and in its time it was groundbreaking. We’ve become a much more cynical nation now. But 70 years ago a movie that took such a dark view of the inner workings of our government was quite controversial. Stewart’s performance show’s his range. Over the course of his career, from lighthearted comedies like Harvey and The Philadelphia Story through Hitchcockian fare such as Vertigo and Rear Window to hardscrabble westerns including Shenandoah and The Rare Breed Stewart did a bit of everything and proved himself to be a fine actor. With Mr. Smith he gives a small sampling of that range within one movie, goofy and fun in some scenes and dark and solemn in others. Because of the access the masses now have through things like CSPAN, the internet, and talk radio there’s not a whole lot that goes on in Washington DC that’s unknown or all that shocking. To some degree that hurts the legacy of Mr. Smith because we don’t see what the big deal is outside of Stewart’s winning charm. However, taken within the context of its time it’s quite a cinematic achievement.

 

62 Meet the Parents

DeNiro makes a second appearance in today’s group, so I guess I was wrong…there is a common thread after all. This time however, he’s doing comedy…and doing it surprisingly well. Meet the Parents stars Ben Stiller as a male nurse who goes home for the weekend with his girlfriend (who he is planning to make his fiancee) to…you guessed it…meet her parents. Unfortunately for Stiller, things get off on the wrong foot and get worse from there. Hilarity ensues. This is one of those movies that has more than its fair share of memorable scenes and lines, which is its main charm. Stiller has never been funnier in my opinion, and Owen Wilson has an hysterical cameo as the girlfriend’s former boyfriend. After watching this film water volleyball, Puff the Magic Dragon, airports, and cats can never be thought of like they were before…trust me. A sequel was made a few years later called Meet the Fockers. It was okay, but as with most sequels it failed to rise to the high level of the original.

 

61 Silence of the Lambs

Is it a horror film?? I suppose. I’m not necessarily sure how the experts categorize it. If it is officially a horror film it is most certainly on the high end…..sort of like how Dom Perrignon and Andre Extra Dry are both technically champagne but one is $150/bottle and the other is available at 7/11. Silence of the Lambs is based on a really great book about a young FBI agent who enlists the aid of a jailed, psychotic cannibal to track down a fellow serial killer. The psychotic cannibal is Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lechter and he is one of the creepiest yet most sublime creations in cinematic history as portrayed by Sir Anthony Hopkins. Unlike most maniacal killers in stereotypical gorefests (think Jason from Friday the 13th, Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Freddy Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street), Hannibal doesn’t need knives or chainsaws, doesn’t wear a mask, and doesn’t have any kind of otherworldly nonsensical powers. He’s actually pretty realistic…almost like a normal person you or I may know, may work with, or who might live down the street…except for the fact that he likes to eat humans. Jodie Foster is fantastic as Clarice Starling, the agent who looks to be in way over her head. The whodunit part of the movie is secondary to the interactions involving Hannibal and Clarice, but it’s also what separates Silence of the Lambs from the rest of the cliched mass of blood-n-guts. Sure there is some violence, but there is also a compelling story and extraordinary performances. I won’t go so far as to say the movie is better than the book, but let’s call it a tie.

 

 

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A Final Word About Sarah Palin and David Letterman

I am making an educated assumption that most everyone has atleast heard about and may have followed to some degree the public battle between late night TV kingpin David Letterman and former Vice Presidential candidate and current Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. In a nutshell, he made some jokes at her expense that were of questionable taste and she called him out on it. Then the drive-by media started chiming in and the whole thing got completely out of control. Letterman kind of apologized and the masses seem eager to move on to the next meaningless controversy. However, to paraphrase John Belushi’s Animal House alter ego Bluto Blutarski…..”Over?? It’s not over til I say it’s over!!”.

 

I need to preface my opinions by first of all sharing my feelings about the parties involved.

 

Governor Palin was a shining light in an otherwise mundane election last year. As a conservative I was excited to have her on the ticket, and was outraged at the public dismantling of her character. Was…is…she ready for prime time?? Maybe…maybe not. But she isn’t any more unproven than the embarrassment that was ultimately elected. He was just a bit more smooth and polished. And he had other things going for him. I’ll let you interpret that any way you wish. Anyway, I look forward to Governor Palin’s future. If she plays her cards right I sincerely believe she has a legitimate opportunity to become the first female President of the United States in 2016 (I don’t think the current President will flop bad enough, atleast in the view of the mindless adherents to liberalism that elected him in the first place, to lose in 2012).

 

I’m a night owl and a fan of late night television and therefore a Letterman fan. I don’t put him on quite the pedestal that some others do…..I don’t think he’s that much better than Leno or Conan or Jimmy Kimmel or Craig Ferguson or Jimmy Fallon. The Top 10 is obviously his calling card, but more than that it’s his goofy and irreverent style. Dave used to do things like drop objects off the top of buildings, crush stuff with a streamroller, and elevator races. My favorite Dave bit was when he drove around Los Angeles in a convertible filled with 1000 tacos. He has incorporated many “real” people into his show…..people like stage manager Biff Henderson, Mujibur and Sirajul (who owned a little shop next door to the Late Show theater), Larry “Bud” Melman (aka Calvert DeForrest), Meg Parsons (the girl who worked across the street at Simon & Schuster), and of course Dave’s Mom Dorothy.  But something inside Letterman seemed to change after his heart surgery in 2000 and then the 9/11/2001 terrorist attacks. He has become increasingly political, and his bitterness and cynicism is often palpable. He’s still fun, but he’s not the same guy he was 10 years ago.

 

As far as the current situation, what happened is that Letterman quipped about Sarah Palin’s “slutty flight attendant look”, and worse, told a joke involving Palin’s daughter being “knocked up” by Alex Rodriguez during a Yankee game. This has caused a firestorm that has raged several days longer than I ever thought possible. Predictably the drive-by liberal media has leaped to Dave’s defense, while those who are unhappy with our coarsening culture and “anything goes” society have grabbed onto the issue like a dog with a bone. Palin, who had slipped back into relative irrelevancy after the 2008 election, is either truly angered by the comments made about her and her family, or is seizing an opportunity for some face time. What one believes probably depends on what hole you punched last November. Letterman is trying to play the “I’m just a dumb guy who tells jokes” card, but no one is really buying his naivete. He’s nothing if not shrewd.

 

So is it much ado about nothing or is it a perfect example of why our nation is heading to Hell in a handbasket?? I’m honestly not trying to hedge my bets, but I tend to believe it’s a little of both. Letterman obviously leans left and would never have told a similar joke about a Democrat (if so he’d have been hung out to dry by the drive-by media). But I’m quite certain he never, in his wildest dreams, thought those jokes would cause such a commotion. He has done and said things just as tasteless without a ripple of reaction. I tend to believe that Governor Palin’s indignation is genuine. However, I do think she needs to be cautious. She wants to make a run for The White House someday, and taking this issue too far may have long term negative repercussions.

 

The bottom line is this…..what offends you may not offend me, and vice versa. Do I think our society has sunk into a moral abyss?? Yes, I do. There are many reasons for this, chief among them the dogged determination by some to eliminate God from everything coupled with a lethargic malaise by Christians who have far too long lain down and let it happen. But I also believe that we walk a very thin line. We must choose our battles wisely. Getting ourselves into a self-righteous lather over every single thing tends to cause a backlash. I am reminded of the classic children’s fable The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Complaining and protesting too much elicits a dismissive reaction from the opposition, and more importantly sways those who are sitting on the fence to the other side.

 

Was what David Letterman said wrong?? Yes. I do think that part of the debate that has been overlooked is the fact that his joke more than likely was meant to refer to Palin’s 18 year old daughter Bristol, who famously did become pregnant out-of-wedlock just as her mother was coming into the spotlight, but that the daughter who was actually with the Palins at that Yankee game was 14 year old  Willow. It was a huge mistake by Letterman and his writers. Of course the jokes were in bad taste either way, but the clarification of which daughter was the target has a lot to do with the strong reaction. The acceptance by most of this type of borderline vulgarity is a topic we could spend hours debating. What society deems as okay in 2009, whether it be on television or any other facet of life, is far different than it used to be. Some of the things one sees or hears on TV or in movies or just at the office are shocking in comparison to what we deemed suitable just a decade or two ago. That’s a problem that is, unfortunately, too big for me to tackle all by my lonesome. What I (and each of you as well) can do though is live life in as Godly and Christ-like a fashion as possible. It’s surely easier said than done, but that’s no excuse not to make the effort. We can’t solve all the world’s problems on our own, but we can attempt as best we can to be shining examples of The Creator who made us in His image, the Savior who paid the price for our sins, and the Holy Spirit that should dwell within us.

 

As for Letterman and Palin, life goes on. He will continue to have a successful show that people will watch and be entertained by (including me), and Governor Palin will move forward with her political career and I for one will be interested to see where it goes. It’s time to put all this in the past.

 

 

 

 

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The Godfather of Cyberspace’s 35 Undeniable Truths of Life

(Originally published 12/19/2007)

Back in 1988 The Godfather of Talk Radio, Rush Limbaugh, published his 35 Undeniable Truths of Life. A few years later he did a revised list since many of the originals had to do with communism, The Soviet Union, & other outdated concepts. Now, here, in the Year of Our Lord 2007, The Godfather of Cyberspace humbly presents my own list of The 35 Undeniable Truths of Life:

 

 

1. Jesus said “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” (John 3:3), “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6) , and “this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3).

 

2. Never put anyone on a pedestal…they will eventually come crashing down.

 

3. The most overrated sports dynasties are Notre Dame football and the New York Yankees.

 

4. Nothing is more important than family…never take sides against the family…never let anyone outside the family know what you are thinking.

 

5. “Look thou character
Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act
Be familiar, but by no means vulgar
Those friends thou have, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade
Beware of entrance to a quarrel but, being in, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgement
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy – rich, not gaudy
For the apparel oft proclaims the man
Neither a borrower nor a lender be
For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry
This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day, thou cannot then be false to any man”
– Shakespeare’s Hamlet

 

6. If you work on weekends then you are not at the top of your chosen profession. (notable exceptions: the clergy and sports)

 

7. Disappointment is the worst emotion, as it is a blend of both anger and sadness.

 

8. Faith and religion are two different things. Religion is a public show too often put on by hypocrites, while faith is a deeply personal thing that can change your life. Share your faith, not your religion.

 

9. Rap is not music. Poetry maybe. But not music.

 

10. Perception is reality & reality is perception.

 

11. When in doubt, atleast act like you know what you are doing.

 

12. Anyone who doesn’t shed a tear during the last 10 minutes of Field of Dreams doesn’t have a heart.

 

13. Don’t be sad because it’s over, be happy it happened in the first place.

 

14. Abortion is wrong and capital punishment is right. This makes perfect sense.

 

15. “It’s not what you know but who you know” is just as true as it ever was.

 

16. Guns don’t kill people…evil, crazy, stupid people kill people (sometimes with a gun).

 

17. Music makes our world a better place.

 

18. Freedom of religion has been hijacked to mean freedom from religion, which was not the intent of our Founding Fathers.

 

19. Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others – even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is
Many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism
Be yourself
Especially, do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself
Be at peace with God
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy
-The Desiderata

 

20. Milk is the universal beverage, going well with almost all meals and nearly any type of food.

 

21. Timing is everything and hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, we can all see situations, great & small, where a seemingly insignificant shift of time (a few minutes, a day or two, a month) made a notable difference.

 

22. It’s always about the money. Always.

 

23. The wussification of America, in which overly sensitive followers of political correctness have turned our nation into the United States of The Offended, is very real and very disturbing.

 

24. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

 

25. There are three sides to every story – the two conflicting views of the parties involved, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

 

26. Creationism and evolution don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

 

27. To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends
To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others
To leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a redeemed social condition, or a job well done
To know that even one other life has breathed because you lived
This is to have succeeded
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

28. There are three answers to a prayer: yes, no, & not right now.

 

29. Anyone who says they’ve never contemplated suicide, even if only very briefly, is either very fortunate or a liar.

 

30. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream but not make dreams your master
If you can think but not make thoughts your aim
If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss
If you can force your heart and nerve and muscle to serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue or walk with kings and not lose the common touch
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
If people count on you, but none too much
If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run
Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it
And, which is more, you’ll be a man, my son
-Rudyard Kipling

 

31. Cigarettes & multiple tattoos/piercings decrease a woman’s attractiveness by atleast 50%.

 

32. There really is no place like home.

 

33. Don’t ever pray for patience, lest God give you plenty of opportunities to learn your lesson.

 

34. Life is a lot like the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away. It’s really just you, alone on an island, struggling against the elements. There may be many people in your life, but almost all are like the soccer ball Wilson…they keep you company and give you someone to talk to, but in the end they’re fake, full of hot air, and float away. In matters of survival (food, shelter, etc.) you can only really count on yourself.

 

35. If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win, but you think you can’t, it is almost certain you won’t
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost
For out of the world we find success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind
If you think you are outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize
Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man
But sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can
— Unknown

 

 

 

 

Random Thoughts 4

The Pittsburgh Pirates have resumed residence in their familiar place, the cellar. That didn’t take long.

 

“The proportion of GM cars sold domestically and manufactured in those low-wage countries (Mexico, China, South Korea) will rise from 15 percent to 23 percent over the next five years, according to the figures contained in a 12-page presentation offered to lawmakers in response to their questions about overseas production.”


“General Motors is open to considering moving its headquarters from Detroit, selling off U.S. plants and even renegotiating parts of its restructuring plan with its major union.”

So….the bailout is going well I see. Idiots.

 

 

Note to Wanda Sykes: Being a minority trifecta (black, female, gay) and loud & obnoxious does not equal funny. Let’s face it, if she were a straight white man she’d be asking people if they want fries with that instead of getting a chance to perform for The President and wish Rush Limbaugh would die from kidney disease.

 

 

The new Star Trek film won’t make my list of Top 100 Movies at this time. I refuse to make snap judgments based on only one viewing. However, it is a spectacular movie…well written, lots of action, and spot on representations of familiar characters. The casting director deserves a medal.

 

 

Manny Ramirez. Moron.

 

 

I’m not a fan of meaningless apologies. I think it was Clinton that made a big deal about apologizing for slavery. Apologize to who? The people directly affected died 150 years ago. Recently some Jewish folks got themselves in an uproar because the Pope (who just so happens to be German) failed to apologize for The Holocaust during a visit to a Holocaust memorial. In the United States a person can lessen their prison sentence (and do some quality PR if they’re famous) by showing contrition. It’s all a bunch of politically correct superfluousness.

 

 

Word has it that 75 year old Shirley Jones…..of Partridge Family fame (and mother to Shaun Cassidy and stepmother of David Cassidy, both 70’s teen heartthrobs)…..may pose nude for Playboy. May I be the first to say “EWWWWWWWWW”.

 

 

President Obama still has a 66% approval rating. Why?? As previously noted, the bailout not only is a bad idea but it is NOT WORKING.

Defining Conservatism

I make no secret about my political ideology and my strong opinions on socioeconomic issues. I believe we are living in a society with an emergent laissez-faire “anything goes” attitude, and I find it disturbing. I’m not intolerant or narrow-minded by any means, but I do have standards and believe that, while most everything does have shades of grey, there are still some absolutes that should not be so casually thrown on the brush pile.

 

The problem that we run into, not surprisingly, is politics. Much like faith and God that is pure and pristine until we pesky humans insert our…well, humanity…into the process, many of the issues we face in our world are straightforward, with obvious boundaries, until selfishness and greed enter the picture. When so-called public servants and special interests become involved their egos and craving for power seem to muddy the waters and blur that delineation between right and wrong.

 

Fortunately for me I have no such elected position nor do I crave any sort of power or prestige. I am what I am, know what I know, and think what I think. I am past that stage in life when others’ opinions matter all that much. Therefore, while the politicians are busy doing whatever it takes to get re-elected and the “mainstream” media is sticking to their script and duping the masses, I can be honest.

 

The first thing we need to do is throw two terms, maybe three, out the window. Those words are Democrat, Republican, and I would include Independent. They are all political titles, and they are meaningless. The assumption is that one can assume what an elected official believes and how they will conduct themselves based on party affiliation, but that assumption just doesn’t hold water. Make no mistake, politicians are in business for only one person…..themselves. They do not truly represent you, and if you are under the mistaken impression that they do you are naïve. And as far as Independents go, well…..I have no respect for anyone who is too weak to take a position, to declare what they, atleast in theory, stand for. All these hacks try to have their cake and eat it too, but Independents aren’t even smart enough to pretend to represent anything specific.

 

I am not recommending withdrawal from the political process at all. It’s the best we have, the best in the world as a matter of fact, and we must deal within the system to shape and mold the country. I’m not even a fan of third parties, as they have proven to be ineffectual and a waste of time. For the purpose of full disclosure I will happily acknowledge that I am a registered Republican. But my point is that it is an ever increasingly empty association.

 

Devastated by the double whammy of losing Congress and the White House, the Republican Party is now busying itself with trying to re-brand, remake, re-image, etc. What that truly means is that they are willing to sacrifice their principles and do whatever it takes to achieve victory and regain their power starting in 2010. However, the folks in charge of this rebuilding effort need to exercise caution. They have been fooled into believing that they need to shift to the center, that the country is closer to the left than the right. I do not completely disagree. As I said, we are living in an anything and everything goes culture. But I also believe that this shift has been skewed by population disparities, substantial manipulation by the undeniable force of the pervasive entertainment industry, and a growing detachment in Average America where people feel disenfranchised, overlooked, and underappreciated and have therefore just withdrawn from the whole process. All a Presidential candidate has to do is win the extremely liberal northeast U.S. and California and they are nearly a lock to win. So why would anyone in Tennessee, The Dakotas, or Missouri give a damn?? The politicians don’t care about them anyway.

 

I believe that conservatism is still alive and well in America. It’s just confused and hurt and hiding, like a child that has run away into the woods after catching Mommy having some play time with a strange man while Daddy is out of town on business. I am here to woo that child back, to say it’s okay and that Mommy just made a mistake that she’ll regret but that it’s not your fault. In order to make sense of the confusion and hysteria we need to clearly define conservative principles.

 

Conservatism is often misinterpreted as narrow-minded, stuffy, old fashioned, and stuck in the past. This is an unfortunate obstacle. Even more regrettable is being thought of as racist, homophobic, arrogant, and greedy. I have never really understood these stereotypes. I do not know one single conservative that fits that description. That’s not to say that we are perfect, but rather to point out that the success with which the liberal media has painted conservatism with such a broad and malevolent brush is astonishing. I don’t claim to speak for everyone everywhere, but I do feel confident in outlining my beliefs and asserting that they represent the core values of the average conservative. While I think it is wrong to say we are against progress and dislike change, I do believe it is accurate to assess that we have respect for tradition and seek to defend the boundaries of common sense, liberty, and the basic foundations upon which America was built.

 

Conservatism stands for limited government. Government has its purpose. Unfortunately that purpose has been exceeded a thousand times over. I realize sometimes people need a little help, some assistance to get back on their feet. But the welfare state that currently exists is unbelievable. If government would get out of the way and let people figure things out themselves we’d all be better off. Giving people handouts their whole life is not helpful, it’s destructive. By extension we also realize that nationalized health care would be an unmitigated disaster and that education would improve dramatically if government bureaucracy was not involved.

 

Conservatism is NOT racist. The spin that has been put on this issue is amazing. Liberals are the true racists, holding minorities down by tricking them into believing that they need help, that they cannot achieve success on their own merits, that anyone not willing to give them that which they have not earned hates them, that the world owes them something because of how their ancestors were mistreated. Liberals have used social programs as a pawn to buy the votes of minorities for decades. Conservatives are the ones who have faith that people can build a good life for themselves through hard work and effort no matter what the color of their skin may be.

 

Conservatives believe in capitalism and lower taxes. I grew up with a typical liberal family in a typical liberal small town and state. The class envy and hatred of anyone who has “more” is mindboggling. There is instant jealousy and disdain of “rich people”. This type of resentment has lead to the quasi-socialism that Americans are lapping up like deprived wild animals right now. But the bottom line is that lower taxes leads to economic growth, which in turn leads to job opportunities, which then provide a better quality of life all the way around. I know that is a simplistic explanation. I don’t claim to be an economics sage, but I know that things like redistribution of wealth and leveling the playing field backfire in the long run. Life isn’t fair and so those who constantly lecture about equality and fairness just need to shut up.

 

Conservatives believe in God. I talk about separation of church and state in another discourse here at The Manofesto. However, suffice to say that conservatism believes in freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. Contrary to some opinions there are rules in life, there are limits. It’s shocking to me how some of the most extreme views have become not only accepted but are lovingly embraced. I will also say that some of these sorts of issues, like gay marriage and abortion, are probably better left to individual states to decide. That gives people some choice as to where they may or may not prefer to live depending on how strongly they believe in or are affected by something in particular. This seems to be what is happening with gay marriage, but unfortunately was not done with abortion.

 

Conservatives interpret The Constitution as it is written. That means we support the right to keep and bear arms and the due process of law, among other things. The Supreme Court has taken it upon itself to “loose interpret” The Constitution, and that has lead to many of our current problems.

 

Conservatives don’t hate the environment or animals. We do tend to look at those issues pragmatically. Animals do not and should not have human-like rights. Some, like cats and dogs, were meant to be faithful companions. Others, like chickens and deer, were meant to be killed and eaten. If someone has the means to buy a mink coat then why shouldn’t they? What else are minks good for? As for the environment, there is evidence to support some of the climate change concern, but far from enough to give credibility to the hysteria that the left has had unfortunate success creating. God made this planet and He won’t allow us to destroy it. It is arrogant to believe we have that much clout. Environmentalism, much like race politics, is just another way of controlling people who aren’t wise enough to realize they’re being duped.

 

This is far from a comprehensive analysis of conservatism. It’s just a small but focused overview of what it means, atleast in theory. So while the Republican Party is wringing their hands trying to figure out a way to win elections and gain back their beloved power, maybe they should try to remember what it is they are instead of what others are trying to force them to become.

 

 

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Separation of Church & State

Little White Church

How much longer until our churches are deemed illegal??

It all started with some well meaning church folk and a big hunk of cheese.

Let’s jump right into this controversial issue by stating as fact that “separation of church and state” as applied and attributed to The United States of America is a complete myth. That phrasing is never used in The Constitution, Declaration of Independence, or any other official document. When Thomas Jefferson made a passing reference in a letter to “the wall of separation”, he was specifically referring to The 1st Amendment to The Constitution, which simply says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. Of course it goes on to talk about the freedoms of speech, press, and assembly. But the part that we’re specifically concerned with is what’s commonly known as The Establishment Clause.

There are two things that jump out at me when I read The Establishment Clause. First, the main focus was anxiety about the federal government declaring an official religion. The people that came here from England had gone through a lot. Britain was a place that went back and forth between Protestantism and Catholicism, depending on who was wearing the crown. The prevailing religious doctrine changed merely on the whim of a monarch, and the people had no choice in the matter. Not following the rules set forth by The King or Queen had dire consequences. The founders of the New World, what became The United States of America, wanted freedom to worship God the way they chose, not the way the government dictated. Secondly, the latter part, the part that seems to be so conveniently ignored these days, specifically says that the right to freely exercise this freedom to worship God shall not be prohibited. So why is it that our government, and more specifically The Supreme Court, has done nothing but try to prohibit (or at the very least inhibit) the free exercise of religion?

When did freedom of religion evolve into freedom from religion? We’ve become The United States of the Offended over the course of the past couple of decades. We get ourselves in an uproar over the irrelevant issues but fail to defend the most significant of our freedoms. The “separation” battle has gone so far that we have people fighting to eradicate any and all mentions of God, such as “In God We Trust” on our currency and the phrase “one nation under God” in our Pledge of Allegiance. It’s insanity, and most certainly not what our Founding Fathers intended. They wanted the citizens of this country to decide for themselves how to worship God.

There is no disputing that nearly all the men that laid the foundation of this country were Godly men. They may have followed an assortment of doctrines, but generally speaking all believed in God. For the most part these gentlemen were deists or Unitarians. I will not go in depth on either subject, as I trust my readers’ ability to research such topics if they so choose, but suffice to say that our Founding Fathers believed in God even if they weren’t followers of Christ and were somewhat suspicious of organized religion and “church” as an earthly construct.

So if it can be agreed upon that men like Washington and Adams and Jefferson believed in God and that any philosophical departures were more dogma-centered, why then should God be eliminated from our daily lives?? Christians believe in God. Muslims believe in God. Jews believe in God. Even Eastern religions believe in God in some form, though they may define it differently than what is generally accepted in our hemisphere.

The only people who don’t seem to believe in God in any form are atheists. Depending on what source one chooses to rely on, atheists are about 10% of the U.S. population. Consider this…..about 7% of Americans are vegetarian, yet every town big and small has a McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, etc. If someone is a vegetarian they simply don’t eat at those places. Or maybe the more tolerant among that group are able to sit in a restaurant and have lunch with a friend or co-worker who is consuming meat of some sort while they stick to fruits and veggies. Why can’t atheists practice this broadness of mind??

Now I know what some would say…..it’s easy to avoid meat because there are other choices on the menu, but this circumvention isn’t possible when it comes to God. I will concede the point only when it comes to money. Everyone, atheists and believers alike, must make use of the same currency that evokes the name of God. But this is where my indignation kicks in. First of all, it’s ONE thing. That’s it atheists?? That’s all you got?? Secondly, I once again reiterate that we are talking about 1o% of the population. We are a democratic society. And while that does mean that every vote theoretically counts, it also means that the majority rules. I am sick and tired of kowtowing to people who are outnumbered more than 10 to 1. Get over yourselves. If you’re in any kind of contest imaginable and you are over-matched by those odds, you lose. Life isn’t a Rocky movie. Not all underdogs are lovable and most really don’t stand a chance.

Why then have we gotten to the point in 21st century America where The Ten Commandments are not allowed to be displayed in a courthouse and employees are told to utilize the term “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”?? The answer is easy: The Supreme Court. The Court’s job was meant to be interpretation of the law, but somehow it has evolved into actively making law, sometimes even superseding The Constitution. Nowhere is this more prevalent than the issue of separation of church and state. As previously stated, the only thing in the original documents that formed the framework of the country that even alludes to the issue at hand is the 1st Amendment to The Constitution, and we’ve already examined this so called Establishment Clause. It clearly was meant to prevent a national religion and ensure each individual’s right to worship God without government interference. However, The Supreme Court has taken it upon itself to loosely “interpret” this clause to justify all kinds of lunacy. In direct contradiction to what our esteemed forefathers meant to happen, religious freedom is being hindered, not supported.

I fear that this is a Pandora’s Box that we will never be able to get under control. Things like eliminating prayer in school have stretched beyond the school day to the point where invocations are no longer allowed at events like graduations and football games. Christmas trees aren’t allowed anywhere near government buildings. The mere mention of God or allusions to anything remotely religious in any type of public setting seems to create a paranoid hysteria, albeit among a decided minority. Of course, as was mentioned, our society seems to bend over backward to please these vocal fringe groups, and therein lies the problem.

Whatever happens, however far we spiral downward into the abyss of Godlessness, just know that it wasn’t supposed to be this way, no matter what anyone says.

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Top 5′s (Thanks For The Inspiration Facebook)

Ok…so…the rage on Facebook these days seems to be listing one’s Top 5 this and that. However, because I am a nonconformist, and in an effort to bring new readers to The Manofesto so they may have the privilege of discovering my brilliance, I am just going to do all my Top 5’s here at the same time. This also affords me an opportunity to pontificate on my choices, and if there’s one talent in the universe I have (atleast one that I can discuss publicly) it is most certainly pontification.

Movies – I’m not going into that right now. I’m doing a whole series on my Top 100 Favorite Movies, so you’ll just have to read that.

Books – The Bible, The Sherlock Holmes Canon, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn/Tom Sawyer, Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Animal Farm. I could go on all day. I’m a bookworm. Love to read. I like classic literature, biographies, nonfiction…..it’s all good. I did not include the works of Shakespeare because I think Shakespeare is better experienced in a live performance. I also did not include The Lord of the Rings trilogy or The Godfather because, while the books are outstanding, they are the rare case where the movie actually outshines the book. I’ve tossed around the idea of doing a Top 100 Books series, but I take reading much more seriously than I do movies so it would take much more critical thought and consideration, more effort than I’m willing to put forth at the moment. Besides, there is The Bookshelf feature here at The Manofesto.

Sports Teams – Pittsburgh Steelers, West Virginia Mountaineers, Marshall Thundering Herd, Pittsburgh Pirates, Pittsburgh Penguins. I’ve been a diehard Steelers and Pirates fan since before I even started kindergarten. I grew up in northcentral WV, which is Mountaineer country. Marshall University is my alma mater. I include the Penguins only to get to five. I’m not really much of a hockey fan.

Singers/Musicians/Groups – Frank Sinatra, Van Halen, The Eagles, REO Speedwagon, Boston. I could very easily list atleast a dozen more. I’ve seen all of these five in concert with the exception of Sinatra. I was born probably a decade too late to really appreciate his brilliance while he was still doing live shows. My musical tastes are very eclectic and vary widely depending upon my mood.

Candy – If chocolate is involved it’s all good. No need to narrow it down to a Top 5. However, let me take this opportunity to express my deep affection for some candy bars that aren’t produced anymore or are very difficult to find, making my love for them all the more heartbreaking in a “you always want what you can’t have” kind of way. The first is Bar None, a chocolate bar produced by Hershey’s in the mid 80’s. It was a chocolate wafer, some chocolate ganache-like filling, and peanuts all covered in chocolate. At some point they re-did it so it was two smaller bars in the package instead of one bigger bar. The original was outstanding, the revision still very tasty. Bar None was discontinued in the mid 90’s and I’d pay just about any amount of money for a case of those babies. Mallo Cups are shaped and packaged like Reese’s Cups, only instead of peanut butter the chocolate encases soft creamy marshmallow filling. Mallo Cups are still around, but they are far from ubiquitous. I actually took the step of ordering a case online directly from the company a few years ago, but it’s rather pricey. And finally I want to give some attention to Chunky bars. Chunky is a trapezoid shaped hunk of chocolate with peanuts and raisins. Very unique. And it comes in a shiny silver foil wrapper. Chunkys are still around, but they are even harder to find than Mallo Cups. I used to stumble across Chunky at my local video store, but renting movies is an archaic 20th century task, so I haven’t had one in ages.

Fast Food Joints – Wendy’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, Rally’s, Hardee’s. You’ll notice the absence of McDonald’s. That’s because when examining their menu every single item is done better at other places, with the exception of french fries. McDonald’s fries can’t be beat. Anyway, I love love love Wendy’s and eat there way too much. We didn’t have a BK in my area until I was in high school so I felt deprived and put it up on a pedestal of expectation. Then in college my fraternity house was right beside a BK and I have a lot of great memories. Ditto for Taco Bell…..it has a nostalgic place in my heart dating back to the fantastic college years. We had a Rally’s here when I was a kid but it disappeared when I was in high school and I miss it. In & Out and Sonic are two places I‘ve heard great things about but haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing.

Beers – Killian’s Irish Red, Dos Equis, Rolling Rock, Heineken, Corona. I’m kind of a beer snob, eschewing blue collar brews like Budweiser and Miller Lite for the most part. But at the same time I don’t really drink a lot of beer and haven’t been exposed to much of what is out there.

Cereals – Rice Krispies, Honey Bunches of Oats, Raisin Bran, Corn Flakes, Wheaties. I’m not exactly Mr. Excitement when it comes to cereal. I like it basic and old fashioned. Not too sweet, not too cute.

All Time Athletes – Michael Jordan, Terry Bradshaw, “Dr. J” Julius Erving, Dale Earnhardt, Willie Stargell. I’m not a huge NBA guy. The closest team in proximity to my home is in Cleveland, and until recently they were an afterthought. So for me the NBA has always been more about individuals that I enjoyed watching, and in my book there were none better than Jordan and Dr. J. I cheered for the Sixers when Erving was with them and I was a Bulls fan during Jordan’s reign. That’s the closest times I’ve ever come to having a favorite NBA team. Earnhardt was one of the toughest competitors I’ve ever seen and his tragic death was very upsetting. Bradshaw and Stargell were the faces of the Steelers and Pirates during the glory years of the late 70’s, my formative as a sports fan. I limited this to athletes who I’ve actually had the privilege of seeing perform in my lifetime, which is why you don’t see people like Jim Brown or Babe Ruth.

TV Shows – Cheers, Seinfeld, Dallas, The Andy Griffith Show, Taxi. Another case where I could list many many more. I watched a lot of television as a kid. Probably too much. But atleast I can say with confidence that the shows that were on back then were really really good, unlike today where so much is pedestrian and uninspired.

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Pontificating On Memories, Cameras, Old Friends, Dead Relatives, & Recurring Dreams

(The following is a re-post of something I wrote about a year ago)


I’m not a picture person. More specifically, I’m not a picture taking person. I love looking at photographs. I’m kind of a ham, so I love to be in photographs. But for some reason I have always been too lazy to actually carry a camera and take photos myself. I think it was the whole process of buying film, inserting it into the camera, sometimes even having to buy flash bulbs, rewinding the film when it was finished, having to take it to the drugstore to get it developed…it all seemed like such a hassle. No one under the age of 30 has any idea what I’m even talking about, but trust me, it was a rather burdensome process. Besides, my Grandma Mano, who was usually present at any momentous occasion in my childhood and teen years, ALWAYS had her “Kodak”. That’s what she called it, regardless of whether or not she was using that particular brand at the time. So for the first 18 years of my live I could just lay back and relax, cause someone else had the whole “capturing memories” process covered.

Unfortunately for me, this hasn’t been the case for the majority of the second half of my 35+ years on the planet. Yes Grandma still has had the majority of family events covered, but she’s 93 years old and won’t be here forever. Also, as people grow up, other people die, and relatives procreate and form their own branches on the family tree, there are less and less occasions where the whole family is together. As one grows into adulthood there are noteworthy events that don’t involve the family as well. So there have been a lot of things that have occurred over the past 17+ years in my life that are not captured on film to be remembered for time immemorial. For example, my four (ok, four and a half) years in college, what I consider to be the best time of my life, are vastly underrepresented on film. I have maybe a half dozen pics from that glorious era. There is some videotape, because at the time I had a new handycam and thought it was cool to break it out when I was drunk. But even that is underrepresented, as I was pretty much hammered most of my first 2 years there but only have maybe a couple hours total of tape. It makes sense that an 18-21 year old guy concentrating on getting hammered, getting stoned, and getting laid (2 out of 3 of which I accomplished with great acumen) wouldn’t carry around a camera telling everyone to “say cheese”. But it still saddens me that I don’t have photos of my friends and the fun things we did.

Three things have propelled me to rhapsodize on this issue. First of all, I bought a digital camera a couple years back. Those who know me and my situation know that I haven’t had much opportunity to use it the past couple years, but I have used it on a few occasions and I love it. It’s such an improvement over the old days, and I’m looking forward to using it more often in the coming days. Secondly, my father has been going through a bunch of old pics at his house and organizing them into little albums. I’ve really gotten a kick out of looking through them, seeing me and my family evolve over literally six decades, remembering loved ones that long ago left this realm. And finally, I had a dream. Well, actually a number of dreams over the course of the past few years. It’s one of two recurring dreams I have, the first one being me going to school as a teenager wearing no pants. However, that’s a topic to be explored another day. The recurring dream relevant to the current train of thought is one in which I am somewhere important…a reunion of old college buddies, a family event, a long desired trip to Vegas…and I’ve forgotten my camera and am unable to capture the memory on film. I’m sure Freud would have a field day with me on many levels, and especially with the hidden meaning of this recurring dream. I’ve never really studied dream analysis…never really believed in stuff like that. But maybe there’s something to it. I don’t know.

Do I have a point? Not really. Events that have past and were not marked in some tangible way can never be relived and must be remembered only in our hearts and minds. But as I grow older I suppose I get a little more nostalgic and realize the importance of having mementos like photographs to remember events, people, and eras in our lives.

45 Things To Do Before The Age Of 45

Night Panorama of the Las Vegas Strip, featuri...

A friend on the verge of 40 recently sent me a list of things he wants to accomplish before he turns 45. It inspired me. So I have made my own list. The list isn’t as adventurous as his, but I believe it is challenging without being unrealistic. And I guess I’m giving myself a little more time to accomplish everything since I have 10 years to his 5.

 

Things to Do Before I’m 45

 

1. Get married

2. Buy a house

3. Spread my seed

4. Become more well versed in The Bible

5. Complete & submit for sale my movie screenplay

6. Lose about 50-75 lbs.

7. Continue my education (masters degree? law school? film school?)

8. Get a dog

9. Rebuild my nest egg

10. Go to Vegas

11. Fly in an airplane

12. Attend the Super Bowl

13. Read the entire Shakespeare canon

14. Take a ride in a hot air balloon

15. See the ocean

16. Learn about astronomy

17. Write a novel

18. Take a cruise

19. Get a job that I enjoy and can stay at for the biggest part of the next 30 years

20. Study photography

21. Visit NY City

22. Learn about and begin the practice of fasting

23. Eliminate credit card debt

24. Atleast pass thru all 50 states (9 down, 41 to go)

25. Buy a suit specially tailored for me

26. Go to the real 221B Baker St. in London

27. Ride a train

28. Eat caviar

29. Be in Boston down by the Charles River watching the Boston Pops on July 4th

30. Try out for Jeopardy!

31. Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square

32. Attend the Indianapolis 500

33. Become a decent chess player

34. Visit Italy

35. Become a sufficient, competent, maybe even semi-talented culinary craftsman

36. Volunteer at a literacy organization

37. Attend The Kentucky Derby

38. Learn about home brewing beer

39. Go to Mardi Gras

40. Attend an NCAA basketball Final Four

41. Learn sign language

42. Go to The Jimmy Stewart Museum in Indiana, PA

43. Attend a major college bowl game (Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta, Cotton)

44. Work for a political campaign

45. See the Grand Canyon

*This list was originally written about a year and a half ago. Since that time I have accomplished two of these items. I bought a dog and I am a literacy volunteer. In a couple months I am tentatively planning on going to Vegas, and that trip has the potential to knock off up to 4 additional things. Some of the tasks listed are an ongoing process that I’m doing my best with.