United States

O.J. Who??

Here’s a crazy, politically incorrect, out-of-left-field thought: maybe she really didn’t do it.

Full disclosure – I did not pay one iota of attention to the Casey Anthony trial. I know that a little girl is dead and her mother was on trial for possibly killing her. I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head how old the kid was, where the family is from, what the father’s involvement was in all of this, the mother’s backstory or mental wellness history, or how old anyone involved is/was. I heard the story mentioned occasionally on the local news between tales of bank robbery, political misconduct, car accidents, and celebrity divorces/drug rehab/sex scandals, but I have enough problems of my own without voluntarily wallowing in the tragic drama of others.

However, apparently while I wasn’t paying attention millions of bored, mindless, easily manipulated sheep became intensely invested in the outcome of this television show. And make no mistake, that’s exactly what it was…a TV show. It wasn’t all that different from any other crappy reality program except for a child really is dead and a woman’s freedom really was on the line. But I wonder how many sheep even remembered those facts while they were caught up in the sensationalism & drama. The combined efforts of producers Mark Burnette, Steven Spielberg, and Dick Wolf couldn’t have dreamed of a more perfect story for the masses to devour. Parts CSI, Law & Order, and Lifetime movie, I am quite sure that a lot of folks have already made a lot of money on this case. Television suits have been salivating for years, waiting for another bonanza like the OJ Simpson fiasco in the mid-1990’s. So many people got famous and made bank on that circus that it almost got lost in the shuffle that two people were brutally murdered.

I despise reality television. Wasn’t television (and other forms of entertainment) invented to help us escape from reality and the daily grind of our boring, exhausting, often meaningless existence?? I watch TV to ESCAPE reality, not dive headfirst into it. I was asked by a friend once if I liked the show House, about an acerbic, curmudgeonly yet brilliant doctor who solves seemingly unsolvable medical mysteries. The irony was that I was asked this question as I myself was laying in a hospital bed. I have never been particularly enamored with medical shows like ER or Grey’s Anatomy specifically because I have spent far too much of my life in hospitals, so even though those shows are fictional they hit a little too close to home. When looking at reality TV I just cannot fathom how people are entertained by something like The Bachelor, where a successful, good-looking person is able to choose from among two dozen other successful, good-looking people and “fall in love” all while a half dozen cameramen capture every intimate moment. I’m no relationship expert, but I am pretty sure that’s not how it really works. Instead of being true reality, shows like The Bachelor, Survivor, The Real World, Temptation Island, The Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, Flavor of Love (because Flavor Flav is such a catch that beautiful women will actually compete to be with him), and Celebrity Rehab are really just excuses for television networks to save a few bucks by not paying talented actors & writers and having low production costs. Immoral attention whores desperate for their 15 minutes of fame aren’t exactly in short supply either, so it’s a perfect marriage of convenience.

And then every once-in-awhile an actual real situation like the Casey Anthony trial comes along, and what happens?? TV execs and their all-too-willing audience somehow manage to cheapen the tragic, sad, enormously senseless death of a child into just another one of their shows. Who will be voted off the island?? Who will get the final rose?? Is Casey Anthony guilty or not?? The outrage expressed by the masses when the defendant was found not guilty was palpable. People became almost as angry as they were a few months ago when talented vixen songstress Pia Toscano was inexplicably eliminated from American Idol. Millions were so frustrated about the verdict that they all decided to turn their porch lights on!! Yeah, that’ll show ‘em.

Because I could not escape the story any longer I did finally do some due diligence and what I stumbled upon was sort of the final clincher of my disgust with this story and peoples’ overwrought Drama Queen reaction to it. Many pundits and “legal experts” were not surprised by the verdict because apparently the prosecution’s case was built largely on circumstantial evidence. There was no motive, no DNA evidence, no official cause of death. While it is undeniable that Casey Anthony’s actions when her child was “missing” were bizarre by the standards of most ordinary folks, being batshit crazy doesn’t always constitute a felony. Did she do it?? I don’t know, and neither do you. But the American justice system provided for a fair trial where well compensated attorneys presented their cases before a jury of Casey Anthony’s peers. That jury found the defendant not guilty. Millions of people are found guilty or not guilty in courtrooms across the country every single day, and no one pays any attention outside the family & friends of those involved. But because Geraldo, Nancy Grace, and countless others decided to exploit this particular trial for ratings now we have the court of public opinion thinking it somehow should have more legitimacy than the judicial branch of the government.

I am not stupid. I am well aware that an opinion is like…well…everybody has one. That’s fine. This is America and free speech is one of the cornerstones of our democracy. But as much as it is your right to cry foul when preconceived notions (fed by an unscrupulous media machine who, it seems, knew damn well they were selling false expectations based on emotion rather than facts) are shattered and the outcome is not what you wanted, it is my right to call BS on your whining & crying about a child you never met and will forget about inside of a month, and also my right to scoff at your meaningless vigils and porch lighting. But in typical 21st American fashion my mocking (of the reaction to the tragedy, not the tragedy itself) was met with even more overreaction. A friend of two decades actually equated me with members of the Westboro Baptist Church (look it up…I can’t do all the heavy lifting). I couldn’t have been cut any deeper if he were wielding a machete.

I could not quite put my finger on exactly what was bothering me about this whole situation until my favorite radio personality, the Godfather of Conservatism and the undisputed King of Talk Rush Limbaugh put it into laser focus. Poor Rush…he’s going to get slaughtered in the “mainstream” press for this, but only because it hits a nerve and is absolutely true. In a nutshell he stated that if Casey Anthony’s daughter would have died in the womb the woman would be a hero to the same libs in the media who are now ready to grab their pitchforks and lynch her in the public square. It occurred to me that maybe that was part of my disgust, the inescapable vibe of disingenuousness surrounding the outcry. I wonder how many of my Facebook “friends” who put their porch lights on have murdered their own progeny under the legal protection of an abortion clinic, or at the very least cast their vote every election day for candidates who support a woman’s right to “choose” (i.e. kill)?? I am also reminded of my father’s advice to me as a child. He used to tell me that people who came up to me and patted me on the head and expressed empathy for “the poor little crippled boy” hadn’t gone more than a few feet as they were exiting the scene before they’d forgotten all about me because they had their own lives and their own issues. Facebook is a great tool to express pithy thoughts and opine on the frivolous news of the day, but as my “Wall” filled up with Casey Anthony related indignation I couldn’t help wondering how much of it was a genuine, Christ centered, heartfelt outpouring of support for a gone-far-too-soon child, or a bunch of folks falling in line with the cool crowd until something else comes along to capture their gnat-like attention spans. Who knows?? I know I am far too cynical for my own good, but life has taught me some harsh lessons that have solidified that skepticism. Your mileage may vary.

A lot of these issues would be solved if cameras were not allowed in courtrooms and talking heads like Greta Van Whatthehellisupwithmyface, Chris Matthews, Rachel “She’s a MAN baby!!” Maddow, and Anderson Cooper didn’t exist. Maybe in addition to being a cynic I am also an old fuddy duddy. I remember being entertained by quality television shows like Cheers, Family Ties, Taxi, Newhart, and Frasier. I even fondly recall not-so-great shows like The Dukes of Hazzard, Dallas, Three’s Company, and Baywatch. When did we become such a voyeuristic society?? When did watching a very real trial concerning a very real tragedy become entertainment??

I cannot wrap my head around the concept, and I have no desire to even try. If it makes the masses feel like they are “doing something” by venting disgust online, wearing ribbons, turning on lights, etc. then that’s okay. Do what you gotta do. When you are done you’ll find me curled up with Ray Bradbury, watching old 80’s movies, or maybe even doing something useful.

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Fast Food, Dogs, and American Idol: The Embracing of Pop Culture Mediocrity

A few years ago before I acquired my beautiful puppy Rocco I did a fair amount of  research. I read about different breeds, what to expect from his particular breed, different training techniques and theories, etc. One of the things I learned was that, for various reasons, it is unwise to feed a dog “people food”. And more interestingly, I discovered that dogs are perfectly happy with their own food. Whereas we humans…theoretically…prefer variety (it is the spice of life), dogs couldn’t possibly care less…they just want fed. This has proven quite accurate over the years, as Rocco still gets as excited over the same food that I’ve been feeding him since early on. I did switch brands once, and we made the leap from puppy formula to adult dog food at some point, but essentially he’s been eating the same meal for three years and loving it.

 

Conversely, I recall a trip I was on with a group from my church. I don’t remember what city we were in, but we were going to grab some dinner before the conference we were attending. Conveniently there was a Ryan’s right beside our hotel. The majority rules and I am not one to make waves, so I went along with the plan to eat there, but to be honest I was disappointed. There is a Ryan’s 10 minutes from my apartment at which I can eat anytime I want. When I go out of town I like to try something different, whether it be a local establishment or a chain that isn’t available in my hometown. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself adventurous, but I do like to mix it up a little bit and venture out ever so gently onto a limb.

 

I realize that not everyone shares my quest for something unique. After all, one of the reasons chain restaurants and stores exist is because of their comfort and predictability. A Big Mac is the same whether you’re eating at a McDonald’s in West Virginia, Montana, New York, or Florida. If someone chloroformed a person and placed them inside a WalMart when that person woke up they wouldn’t immediately know whether they were in Washington DC or the state of Washington. This is convenient & reassuring, but it is also mundane & predictable. And I guess maybe that is what society prefers nowadays. Forget exceptional, eschew excellence, and shun singularity…just give us a tired retread of something familiar and comfortable.

 

This fact became crystal clear the past several weeks as I have been watching one of my guilty pleasures, American Idol. One by one the viewers have voted a person off until we finally got down to our final pair, and then the fans chose their champion. And in so doing the masses confirmed my suspicions.

 

Now let me be clear…I am well aware that everyone has different tastes in music, but that is not what this is about. I may prefer jazz, classic rock, and easy listening, while you may lean toward country, hip-hop, and gospel. That is fine by me. But that doesn’t mean we must settle for subpar quality within whatever genre we like. I love the fact that when I am listening to some of my favorite singers or bands I immediately know their sound. Whether it is Sinatra, Dean Martin, REO Speedwagon, The Eagles, Boston, Van Halen, James Taylor, or Garth Brooks even the most fair weather fans will instantly recognize those voices. Is there any singer in the world as distinctive as Bob Dylan?? Did Fleetwood Mac with Stevie Nicks sound like any other band out there in the 70’s & 80’s?? When you hear a Barry Manilow tune do you have trouble putting your finger on who exactly the artist is?? Do you wonder for even a second who is singing that song when the local radio station plays something by Tom Petty?? No, no, no, and no.

 

One of the things I have had to endure while keeping tabs on Idol these past few months is the vitriolic animosity toward third place finisher Haley Reinhart. I chose Haley as my darkhorse awhile back, predicting that she could possibly make it to the final three. I was absolutely correct. She has a soulful, bluesy vibe and I would buy a record of hers in a heartbeat. But the drumbeat of the soccer moms has been that she screeches and growls, and the hatred for the lovely Miss Reinhart has been stunning to me. It is amazing how some folks wouldn’t know true talent if it fixed them breakfast in bed and drove them to work every day. Meanwhile hacks like Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, and Katy Perry rake in millions of the public’s hard earned dollars by selling scrapple but convincing people it is filet mignon. It just doesn’t make any sense to this humble Potentate of Profundity.

 

I do not have anything against newly crowned Idol winner Scotty McCreery. He seems like a nice guy. He can sing. But when I close my eyes and listen to him I hear other voices…Clint Black, Randy Travis, George Strait, Brad Paisley, Kenny Chesney, and a plethora of other male country singers that are virtually indistinguishable from one another. It’s not that I completely hate country music…I don’t. I enjoy performers like Hank Williams Jr., Sugarland, Willie Nelson, Carrie Underwood, Travis Tritt, and Faith Hill. I like voices that stand out from the crowd. Scotty McCreery does not stand out from the crowd despite looking like the love child of Alfred E. Newman and Howdy Doody. I certainly do not wish any ill will, but I think I have food in my kitchen cupboards that may last longer than Scotty’s career. Meanwhile, contestants from this just concluded season like Lauren Alaina, James Durbin, Pia Toscano, Casey Abrams, and of course Haley Reinhart all have not only the tools for success but the extra…je ne sais quoi…to atleast carve out a worthwhile niche in the market. I may be wrong, I may be right, I may be crazy. Or I just might be the lunatic you’re not looking for.

 

At any rate, regardless of the long term prospects of American Idol contestants or even the questionable validity of the show itself, what I find thoroughly intriguing is how it seems to be symptomatic of an all-encompassing move toward mediocrity. Instead of quality we gravitate toward the lowest common denominator. Bookstores are filled with cookie cutter romance novels and uninspired mysteries. Our televisions broadcast dozens of copycat “reality” shows, cops n’ robbers stories, and blatant CSI ripoffs. Strip malls are filled with the aforementioned chain stores and restaurants. Movie theaters show an endless supply of sequels…even if the original wasn’t that good to begin with…because it is easier than coming up with an original idea. And rarely does a uniquely talented musician succeed unless they are willing to either conform or market themselves using some sort of gimmick, like Lady Gaga (who herself is just a Madonna wannabe).  I am honestly not trying to be critical. Live & let live and to each their own. But personally I will continue to look for new, interesting, and genuinely good things. If others are happy consuming the same old uninspired, uncreative, mass produced, bland “comfort food” every day that’s their prerogative. It seems to work for my dog.

 

 

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An Ode to Salad Dressing, Cute Waitresses, & Cheesecake

I am a bachelor, so I eat out a lot…probably too much. And while I have given up fast food for Lent I am still allowing myself to partake of a decent sit down meal on occasion. I did just that a couple weeks ago, deciding to enjoy March Madness while also munching on some tasty wings. My initial plan was to head to one of the large chain places that I will not provide with free advertising, but I changed course and ended up at a local place that is fairly new and that I had not tried yet. In the process of eating and such I began to reflect on what I consider important when passing judgment on an eatery. Legendary actor Burt Lancaster once said “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee”. I am not really all that particular about those two things, but I do have my own metrics.

Obviously atmosphere is important. A place doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should be clean. Just because hot dogs and sandwiches are the anchors of the menu does not give an establishment an excuse to be dirty or creepy in any way, although a fancy Italian restaurant will logically be viewed through a different prism than a pizza place.

I almost always drink iced tea at a sit down restaurant. As silly as it sounds iced tea can be done right or wrong. It is rare that I get tea bad enough to color my whole experience negatively, but it is possible. Also, refills are a key issue. Don’t fill my glass up if it is still 2/3 full, but do not leave me sitting there on empty for too long. I also like lots of ice. And does the wait staff have to take my glass back to the kitchen to fill it, or do they bring a pitcher to the table?? Not a dealbreaker at all, but it is something I notice.

The next thing I look at are the menus. I used to work at a print shop and did a little graphic design, so I know cheap from decent. A menu need not be extravagantly produced, but it is a small thing that can have an effect on one’s impression. And there better not be misspellings. That is completely unacceptable and unprofessional.

Chances are at a nice restaurant salad will be served preceding the meal. I am not a fan of fancy salads with various kinds of greens, even though I know they are healthier than good old iceberg lettuce. Your mileage may vary. But regardless of what one’s preference may be, the more important issue is the dressing. There are a myriad of issues here. First, there had better be a good selection. High end places will usually have some sort of vinaigrette…maybe even a few variations. That’s fine. I don’t particularly care for that sort of thing though, and Italian, French, Ranch, and Bleu Cheese are the staples in most restaurants I frequent anyway. Bonus points if Thousand Island, Creamy Italian, or other less common choices are available. How is the dressing served?? Is it already on the salad when I get it, and if so is there enough of it?? Serving the dressing on the side in one of those round plastic containers with a lid is acceptable, especially if it is in a sports bar or any other low key restaurant that is on a level above fast food but can’t really be thought of as fancy. What I do not like…at all…is having my dressing given to me in a packet that I could have purchased myself at the grocery store. That is just cheap, even for a small Mom & Pop establishment. Also, please let me finish my salad before you bring my meal out. Obviously no one wants to wait an unreasonable amount of time for their food, but on the other hand don’t rush me.

It goes without saying that the quality of service and the yumminess of the food are the most important factors when assessing the value of a restaurant. Wendy’s owner Dave Thomas stated “It all comes back to the basics. Serve customers the best-tasting food at a good value in a clean, comfortable restaurant, and they’ll keep coming back.” However, both things are important. If the food is delicious but the service is horrible I will hesitate to return, and conversely if the service is excellent but the food is wretched my return is unlikely unless I hear some changes have been made in the kitchen. I like waiters/waitresses that are friendly without being obnoxiously chipper. And being a bachelor means that a lovely waitress who bats her eyes, smiles, and maybe flirts a bit will make my return…sooner rather than later…a reasonably safe bet.

Last but not least comes dessert. It always surprises me when I eat at a fairly nice restaurant, finish my meal, and am presented with the check without even being asked if I’d like dessert. I am not suggesting a hard upsell by the wait staff…don’t try to convince me to have dessert. But for pete’s sake atleast ask if I am interested. If/when I am asked there is a better than 50/50 chance I will partake because that’s just how I roll (and probably why I need to shed some poundage). Now the mark of a really upscale place is a dessert cart. I love those. But they seem to be rare. Most of the time the desserts will be on the menu, and the vast majority of the time…especially if it is my first time eating at a particular restaurant…I will test drive the cheesecake. I am a major chocoholic, but I can satisfy that craving with a candy bar out of the vending machine or with any one of a number of ice cream flavors. Cheesecake is special. It is the quintessential restaurant experience and can really tip the scales from mediocre/decent to “that was awesome”. I analyze cheesecake like a grocery shopper buys a melon. There is a level of firmness that I look for which tells me if the cheesecake was made from scratch or if it came out of a box. Trust me…if it’s a $5 Jello No Bake box special I can tell in a heartbeat. If one wants to buy that sort of thing to take to a picnic or a covered dish at church that’s fine, but if I am in a restaurant and probably paying around $5 for one piece I do not think it is unreasonable to expect something better. Plain or with topping?? Ehhh…it depends on my mood. But I like having the option. I’ll usually go for blueberry if it is available. A sports bar I used to eat at frequently would put chocolate sauce on cheesecake if requested, but strangely enough I did not really like it. Chocolate cheesecake…big thumbs up. Regular cheesecake with chocolate topping…not so much. Odd.

At the end of the day it really is about the food first, and then the service. But there are little things that make a difference. What those things are likely varies wildly from person to person, and can be molded & shaped depending on the type of restaurant one is eating at on a particular day. But once one finds a combination of factors that are pleasing then it is likely that establishment has found a lifelong patron, because as director Federico Fellini once said “It is easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman”.

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American Idol: Separating The Contenders From The Pretenders

My friend The Owl and I created our own secret society in college called The FUC Club. I may expand on the particulars some other time, but suffice to say that the moniker stands for Fat, Ugly, & Crippled and is built around the basic idea that the world caters to The Pretty People. It is undeniable that…assuming all other factors are as equal as possible…a hottie will beat out an unattractive, overweight, or disabled/disfigured person the vast majority of the time, whether it be in the job market, in the romance department, or just general popularity amongst friends & neighbors. That’s life. This truth is especially prominent in the entertainment industry. Now I know one could come up with a fairly decent list of relatively unattractive individuals who have somehow achieved some level of fame & fortune, and that’s fine…there are exceptions to every rule, but the rule is the rule for a reason.

What I have decided to do is apply this logic to American Idol and give the masses a look ahead at what to expect on the show in the coming weeks. The great thing about this is, there is precedence. Idol is in its 10th season and has produced nine previous winners and a few non-winners that managed to not be forgotten within 10 minutes:


Kelly Clarkson – The original American Idol, crowned at the conclusion of the first season in 2002. Regardless of whether or not Kelly is your particular cup o’ tea she has had a nice career. She’s had a couple of platinum albums, won a couple of Grammys & various other awards, and has received a fair amount of play on the radio over the years. She’s also young & tasty (if you like the brooding, not-quite-goth Joan Jett wannabe vibe).


Ruben Studdard – Ahhh, The Velvet Teddy Bear. He sounds like Luther Vandross but looks like Fat Albert. I think I have more records on my iTunes playlist that Ruben ever sold. Do I believe there is a racial issue here?? No, not at all. I think the bigger problem is that Ruben doesn’t have “the look”. He’s just not the type of hunk that impressionable 13 year old girls…the kind that have made Twilight a worldwide phenomenon…swoon over. I am certainly not advocating the validity of the tastes of junior high schoolers, but they do seem to wield a lot of power in the marketplace.


Fantasia Barrino – Hands down the worst Idol of them all. She looks like a crack ho and has a stripper name. Her music career was DOA and she ended up doing a reality show. Coincidentally her actual life is like a bad reality show too…dating married men, drug overdoses, foreclosure, etc. Here’s the bottom line – everyone loves a good “they dragged themselves out of poverty and achieved something” story…on 60 Minutes. But other than that most Americans find that stuff depressing and just want to be entertained, preferably by someone they can fantasize about while making love to their spouse.


Carrie Underwood – I’m far too lazy to compare numbers and such, but I am calling Underwood the most successful Idol of them all, with respectful apologies to Clarkson fans. A blonde bombshell with a girl-next-door persona is the prototype American Idol contestant. It helps that she can sing, and it’s even better that she decided her niche was in country music where there seems to be more longevity and fan loyalty. She’s won Grammys, American Music Awards, Peoples’ Choice Awards, and just about everything available from the country community, including Entertainer of the Year. Carrie Underwood might be one of the biggest reasons American Idol is still on the air, because she embodies the potential mega-success that every contestant craves.


Taylor Hicks – Is a 30 year old with grey hair and a voice reminiscent of Joe Cocker cool?? Maybe to some, but not enough. I think he’s in a touring company of Grease these days, playing Teen Angel (made famous by Frankie Avalon in the movie). Does that entail doing anything more than singing one song and being on stage for 5 minutes?? At any rate, his music career is non-existent and I have no idea how this guy ever won the competition, seeing as how he beat out atleast 2 or 3 people who have proven to be more successful. Again, like Studdard, he just doesn’t have much commercial appeal to the target demographic. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it is what it is.


Jordin Sparks – Let’s give Sparks an incomplete. The youngest Idol when she won at age 17, she is still only 21 years old. She has sold her fair share of records, but to be honest her type of teeny bopper R&B-pop isn’t what I typically listen to, so maybe she’s more successful than I realize. Still, I’d be willing to bet that if a survey were to be taken asking people to name famous Idol alums the name Jordin Sparks wouldn’t roll off the tongues of most (even though it is a catchy name). Why?? I personally think she’s rather attractive…but…does she fit the typical mold of “hot”?? Probably not. She’s a little chunky, and probably still a little too…..girlish. But, as mentioned, the jury is still out. Give her a couple years to lose a few pounds and sex up her image and the American public will eat it up. Sad but true.

David Cook, Kris Allen, & Lee DeWyze  –

I think it may be a little too soon to thoroughly analyze the last three Idols. However, I will say one thing. My concern about all of them would be that they don’t stand out. None really fit into my original hypothesis, as they aren’t overweight, deformed, or empirically hideous in any way. However, decent looking 20-s0mething white guys who sing cookie cutter pop music are a dime-a-dozen and easily get lost in the shuffle. Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard may not fit the societal standard of beautiful but atleast they are distinctive and one can pick them out of the crowd.


Justin Guarini – The first ever runner-up, which for years has made him the butt of jokes. I didn’t start watching American Idol until the finale of that first season, but I have heard more than a few folks say throughout the years that Guarini was better than Clarkson and should have won. I became a believer a couple summers ago when he performed at a local festival in my hometown and I was quite unexpectedly very entertained. This dude can sing. And he stands out in the crowd with that geri-curled hair that makes him distinctive without having to be weird. I think Justin Guarini could have been a tremendous success, but for whatever reason he just hasn’t reached that level of fame & fortune. And if it hasn’t happened by now it is unlikely it ever will. I am tempted to blame that God awful movie he made with Clarkson, but it didn’t seem to have any significant impact on her fate. Maybe, despite non-existent record sales or commercial prosperity, the fact that we even still remember the guy that finished 2nd nine years ago is positive.


Clay Aiken – Let’s face it…Clay should have beaten Ruben. And for awhile it didn’t matter that he finished second. As a matter of fact, Justin Guarini, for a period of about 3 years, had to be wondering “What the hell did I do wrong that this dude did right??” Aiken has been much more of a success than Studdard and established the precedent that one need not win American Idol to ride the wave to stardom. And despite the fact that his 15 minutes are seemingly up, he has to be counted as one of the top success stories from the show. As far as how he fits into my theorem…well, he’s a flaming homosexual, so the traditional rules don’t necessarily apply, but women love gay men, especially if they can sing, and the only gay men that most straight men really respect are the ones who can sing, so Clay Aiken’s popularity makes sense.


Jennifer Hudson – Can you believe she finished 7th on Idol?? Hudson is a conundrum. In a way she has outshone them all, even the 9 winners. Because (with all due respect to Charlie Sheen), if your name is preceded by “Academy Award winner” you win. However, her success has come outside of the musical arena. She, like new American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez, is more of an actress than a singer now. Hudson also is the obvious exception to my rule. Despite the fact that she has shed a bunch of pounds, is now super delicious, and shills for Weight Watchers, the bottom line is that her success came when she was overweight and not that pretty. Major props.


Katharine McPhee – Kat McPhee is quite possibly the tastiest morsel to grace an Idol stage other than Carrie Underwood. That should spell s-u-c-c-e-s-s, but has it?? She absolutely, undoubtedly, without question should have beaten Taylor Hicks. How in the name of all that is right & holy could this vision of loveliness be defeated by Jay Leno’s stunt double?? But despite her hotness McPhee has yet to become an established star. She’s released a couple of albums, dabbled in acting, and kept her toe in the shallow end of the fame pool. Like so many other Idol alums fans of the show know who she is and have kept tabs on her, but that doesn’t mean a connection has been established with the masses.


Chris Daughtry – Daughtry is right up there with Underwood, Clarkson, and Hudson on the Mount Rushmore of American Idol. Amazingly, not only did he also lose out to Taylor Hicks (and of course Katherine McPhee), but he was eliminated before Eliot Yamin. Really?? Eschewing an opportunity to become the new frontman for rock band Fuel, he instead formed his own band and they’ve had tremendous success. Does Daughtry (the band) cover any new ground not already done better by the likes of Bon Jovi, Creed, Soundgarden, 3 Doors Down, or Nickelback, among others?? Probably not, but they are a fairly enjoyable listening experience. And let’s give the man credit…he found the perfect platform to separate himself from the crowd. I’m a guy and therefore not a good judge, but I assume that most females would say Chris Daughtry is an attractive gentleman, so therefore he proves the theory.


Adam Lambert – I honestly didn’t pay much attention during season 8 of American Idol. I guess I just needed a break. But I paid enough attention to know that everyone…e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e…thought for weeks that it was a foregone conclusion that Adam Lambert would win. However, Lambert is the exception to a completely different rule than The Pretty People Theorem. Remember how I said America embraced Clay Aiken because women love gay men and straight men appreciate gay men who can sing?? Well, that all goes out the window when the person in question is an absolute weirdo. Despite the fact that Lambert didn’t “come out” or really let his freak flag fly until long after American Idol had wrapped, people aren’t stupid. If I’d actually watched much that season I could speak more eloquently on the subject, but there had to be some reason why America chose nondescript milquetoast Kris Allen over someone with far superior vocal talent, and if I may oversimplify just a wee bit, it boils down to little things like if you’re a man trying to win a popularity contest don’t wear eyeliner. Ozzy and Alice Cooper may have gotten away with it, but they weren’t trying to win American Idol.


Okay, so now that we’ve gone back in time and looked at what works and what doesn’t work, let’s take a peek into the ol’ crystal ball and see if we can narrow down the contenders from the pretenders amongst the baker’s dozen remaining in contention for the 2011 Idol crown. Keep in mind that it’s a given that all these individuals can sing, so talent isn’t a factor as much as likeability, charisma, and whatever else seems to make one person more popular than another.


Casey Abrams – Casey is the Taylor Hicks of this season. With his full beard and pudginess he sort of reminds me of John C. Reilly circa 2000 in The Perfect Storm, and maybe a little like Seth Rogen. He’s just the sort of underdog that might develop a following and end up in the top 3 or 4.


Naima Adedapo – This is Fantasia Barrino 2.0. She’s got a name no one will be able to remember or pronounce, and a…shall we say “exotic” look. Enjoy the ride while it lasts sweetie.


Lauren Alaina – The minute this girl came on screen she was my pick to win it all. She’s got the blonde hair, blue eyed All American girl vibe just like Carrie Underwood. If Simon were still around he’d undoubtedly say she is very “commercial” or “marketable”, and make no mistake…that’s what the powers-that-be are really seeking. The producers of Idol almost certainly hate when fans pull crap like voting for Eliot Yamin over Chris Daughtry or Sanjaya Malakar instead of…well…anybody. My concern about Lauren is that she is only 16 years old, which I think is far too young to be thrust into the spotlight. But I don’t make the rules. As it stands, if Lauren Alaina doesn’t atleast make it to the Top 3 I’ll be shocked.


James Durbin – Here is an opportunity for America to make up for Daughtry finishing 4th five years ago. This dude is like Daughtry mixed with a bit of Adam Lambert, which I mean as a compliment. I love the fact that he’s not your typical metrosexual pantywaist. He’s a rebellious rocker that is still palatable to the masses, and he is obviously having fun. My money is on him being there as the finish line comes into view.


Ashthon Jones – Is she a Beyonce wannabe?? Sure looks like it to me. What I am wondering is this – while I may not find such a ripoff appealing, am I alone in that opinion or will the populace lap it up?? Also, will she develop her own individuality going forward?? Will she be given time to do that?? My guess is that she’ll buy herself 3 or 4 weeks as long as her performances are decent, but she’s not a legitimate threat to win.


Stefano Langone – There were about 3 guys in the Top 24 that all looked the same…dark hair, vaguely Mediterranean, nice smiles. I couldn’t really tell them apart. Luckily for Stefano he’s the last one standing. I’m guessing the ladies will fawn all over him, and he may last a few weeks, but he’s not going to win.


Jacob Lusk – Does anyone remember George Huff from the 3rd season of Idol?? Jacob really reminds me of George. He just seems like a genuinely nice guy who is sincerely thrilled to have made it this far. Unfortunately I think he will be amongst the early exits.


Scotty McCreery – Has anyone called Randy Travis and told him we’ve located his love child?? I like Scotty. He’s just a good ol’ country boy. The thing is, at some point in the next few weeks he’s going to be asked to do something out of his comfort zone, like sing a disco tune or something by an 80’s hair band, and that is when I think he’ll falter. His niche is just too narrow to actually go that far at this stage of the competition.


Paul McDonald – Now here is the very definition of standing out from the crowd. This is my pick for this year’s Clay Aiken, meaning he won’t win but it won’t matter. He’s got a future in the music business. The oldest contestant left, he’s still just 26 years old. I cannot put my finger on who his voice reminds me of. Maybe some Rod Stewart with a little James Taylor mixed in?? He doesn’t sound like Michael McDonald but he does look like him a bit, and the two are similar in that when you are listening to Michael McDonald you KNOW who you are listening to, and the same can be said for Paul. Anyway, I’ll be disappointed if he isn’t among the last 3 or 4 competitors.


Thia Megia – Is she pretty?? Yes. Does she stand out from the crowd?? Not really. She might be the first elimination.


Haley Reinhart – This is my sleeper pick. She’s VERY pretty, and I think she’ll grow on people and begin to stand out more and more if given the opportunity. It sounds silly to say, but more than just about anyone I think the length of her “journey” will depend heavily on her performances week to week. She’s not gonna have a built in fan club of sychophants who’ll vote for her no matter how much she messes up, but if she rocks the house time after time folks will begin to take notice. Don’t be surprised if Haley is still standing amongst the final group of 3 or 4. You heard it here first.


Karen Rodriguez – Will the Latino vote keep her safe?? For how long?? Personally I have found her rather forgettable thus far, which is why I don’t think she’ll last all that long.


Pia Toscano – The judges dig Pia, I can tell. She does have a star quality about her. However, unlike Lauren Alaina or Haley Reinhart, who both come across as wholesome and family friendly, Pia reminds me of the villainous tramp on your favorite soapy drama, the one who goes around stealing husbands and letting her bitch flag fly proudly. Guys LOVE that kind of gal, but women are threatened by it, which is where I think Pia will fail. If she can soften her image, and if either Alaina or Reinhart exit earlier than I expect, then maybe Pia can sneak into that top 3 or 4. Regardless, she looks like a winner who may stick around in the public consciousness one way or another long after her Idol days are over.


So 2 months from now, as this season of American Idol hits the home stretch, I think the front runners will be Lauren Alaina & James Durbin, with Paul McDonald, Haley Rinehart, and possibly Casey Abrams & Pia Toscano still in the hunt.

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In Defense of The Constitution

My Dad has always told me “you may not get your way but you can get your say”. It’s wisdom along the same lines as “well, the worst they can do is say no” and closely related to “an opinion is like an @$$^*!#…everyone has one”.

 

In fact, The Constitution of the United States guarantees that everyone can “have their say”, express their opinion, etc. It’s called The First Amendment. However, like other parts of The Constitution, there are folks in 21st Century America that want to cherry pick the parts they like and discard the ones with which they do not agree (much like how The Bible is treated). There is a not insignificant minority of people who would like to see guns banned, even though The Second Amendment guarantees our right to keep and bear arms. Christians have stood by and watched as God has been pushed aside in the most asinine of ways over the course of the past few decades, with the PC crowd citing The Establishment Clause of The First Amendment (“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”), while conveniently forgetting the second half of that sentence that says “or prohibiting the free exercise thereof “. All manner of controversial issues…taxation, same sex marriage, abortion, capital punishment, affirmative action, etc…are, at their core, a tug of war wherein The Constitution is used and misused, bent, twisted, and shaped to fit whatever argument is being made by any particular side.

 

The question becomes, is The Constitution really that difficult to understand?? I don’t think it is.

 

There have been two things in recent weeks that have grabbed my attention in relation to The First Amendment, and more specifically, peoples’ understandable but troubling disregard for it. But before I dive into those issues in particular let me refresh the collective memory of the masses by spelling out exactly what The First Amendment says. The First Amendment states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” There is a lot of good stuff in there ladies and gentlemen. I already mentioned how Freedom of Religion has become Freedom from Religion, especially if that religion is Christianity. But my focus now turns to the Freedom of Speech.

 

“Freedom of Speech” is admittedly rather vague terminology, but essentially it means that we all have the right to say anything about anyone, even if it is critical or negative, so long as it isn’t slanderous, obscene, or may insight violence. And even those exceptions are so narrowly defined that a lot of things may be offensive but still within the realm of legality. That very restricted piece of no man’s land…offensive vs. unconstitutional…is the battleground that brings about this particular diatribe.

 

The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled on a case involving the Westboro Baptist Church. This is a church in Topeka, Kansas that has gained a certain amount of infamous notoriety in the last couple of decades for traveling around the country to protest at funerals and other gatherings, expressing very clearly their anti-homosexuality beliefs. Basically they hate everyone, including every other religion and all Christian denominations and churches except their own, and believe that President Obama is The Anti-Christ and Pope Benedict XVI is The False Prophet. Obviously they have not been informed that Oprah is The Anti-Christ. Anyway, I think it is safe to assume that an overwhelming majority of Americans from every corner of the sociopolitical spectrum and all religiosities would likely find the activities of this “church” appalling. I don’t feel like I’m stepping too far out on a limb by saying that there might be more unanimity on this than just about any other topic, including the relative merits of Justin Bieber’s career or the entertainment value of Vin Diesel films. The Court ruled in favor of Westboro, saying that their protests are protected free speech. Not surprisingly this is a tough pill to swallow for many, but it gets to the heart of the matter. The Constitution protects (almost) ALL speech…not just the stuff with which we agree.

 

Another situation is more local. A few weeks ago here in northcentral West Virginia a young U.S. Marshal was shot and killed by a suspect on whom he was trying to serve a warrant. I did not know the young man, but we apparently had a lot of friends in common. The overwhelming sadness of the tragedy cast a pall over this area for days. The outpouring of love and respect for the fallen hero and his family was amazing. However, there are always a few dissenters. One of the local TV stations had an article on their website about the shooting, and the vast majority of the comments after the article were supportive, sympathetic, and respectful. Unfortunately a few weren’t, and not only called into question the tactics of law enforcement in general and this deceased officer in particular, but were downright repugnant and insulting on a variety of levels. The whole thread got really ugly, and was made worse by the response of those who were, undoubtedly in good faith, coming to the defense of the officer, his family, and the police as a whole. Was there good reason to be upset and even disgusted?? Absolutely. But there were demands, both on the station’s website and its Facebook page, to delete the comments. Someone even blamed one of the news personalities who hadn’t done anything wrong and by all accounts is a genuinely good guy. A tragic story was made worse by idiotic fools who seemed to be getting their jollies by stirring the pot and making inflammatory statements, but it wasn’t helped by well intentioned yet misguided individuals seeking to spit on The Constitution and suppress free speech.

 

The theme song for an old 80’s sitcom said “you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life”. That is a good summary of freedom, justice, The Constitution, our government, and our nation. Is it all perfect?? No. With gun ownership comes the unfortunate result that sometimes people are going to get shot. Democracy doesn’t mean that we will always agree with everything our elected leaders do. Sometimes an innocent person will be sent to prison and the guilty will go free. We take the good with the bad because most of the time things go right and in comparison with every other nation in the world America has far and away the very best system available. The opening words of The Constitution say “We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” Notice that one of the goals is not to form a perfect union but a more perfect union. The Founding Fathers knew that nothing is perfect, but that there is nothing wrong with striving for perfection. We cannot have freedom a la carte, picking & choosing what we like and what we do not. Freedom of Speech means that sometimes we might not agree with what is being said, but we must find some way of dealing with it besides trying to squash the freedom itself. It would be great if everyone was polite, courteous, and appropriate, but it is an irrefutable fact that there are a lot of people who are either stupid, mean, or both. And sometimes two people are just going to disagree about something, whether the issue is big or small, with neither individual necessarily being right, wrong, or evil in any way. In America even the folks who are wrong and not very nice about it have the right to be wrong and not very nice. We must be extremely cautious not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

 

I wish groups like the Westboro Baptist Church didn’t exist, and that everyone who decides to express their opinion would do so in a manner that was respectful and gracious, but that just isn’t realistic. Utopia, Paradise, Eden, or whatever you might refer to it as went out the window the second Eve was beguiled by Satan and nibbled on The Forbidden Fruit. So we must deal with the world the best way we know how. The Founding Fathers…although not perfect men themselves…established freedom & liberty as the bedrock of these United States, and it works better than anything else out there. We should never stop seeking a more perfect union, but we also need to stop being so cavalier toward the level of excellence we have already achieved.

 

 

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On Political Debate, Senseless Violence, and The Constitution

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. It’s an expression some elected officials and media types would be well served to learn.

When one has a public forum like this there is a certain sense of obligation to comment on significant events. However, one must exercise caution. I have been guilty on occasion…maybe not here so much as in other places…of letting my emotions dictate a phrenetic response full of, as my Grandma used to say, piss & vinegar. That is usually not a wise course of action and so I have learned the fine art of pondering. It has been a couple of days since the tragic events in Arizona, which has given me time to contemplate my views.

All manner of news outlets, from TV & radio to newspapers & the Internet, have been covering the sad shooting rampage at a political event for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Rep. Giffords was shot in the head and though she survived and the prognosis is positive the road that lay ahead is undoubtedly long. Six others were not as fortunate, dying as a result of their injuries. The dead included three individuals in their upper 70’s who were so close to completing this race we call life only to be cut down violently in their “golden years”. Their funerals will not be what those of such an advanced age can, most of the time, reasonably hope for…slightly melancholy yet buoyant affairs that are often a reunion of sorts for friends & family, a celebration of the life of a person who has successfully run the course and finished as well as could be expected. No, these folks don’t get that sort of quasi-triumphant ending. And then there is 9 year old Christina Green, ironically born on September 11, 2001, a little girl whose budding interest in politics spurred her to attend the event in Arizona and ultimately ended her life. Think about that…nine years old. There are no words capable of capturing the sadness and anger such a death brings about. The murderer is a 22 year old wackjob whose motives are unclear and will probably never make sense, because there is no way that killing 6 people…especially a child…can ever make sense no matter how much context one is able to attribute to the circumstances.

But we are human beings, and asking “Why??” is just one of those things we do, even when we know there will never be a satisfactory answer. To that end, there has been no lack of response to the Arizona tragedy, and much of it has been predictable yet troubling.

Infamous law enforcement pinata Rodney King once asked the question “Can’t we all just get along??”. The answer Rodney, is no, we can’t. Why can’t we all get along?? I suppose there is a variety of answers to that, but an overwhelming reason is self-serving greed and egotistical narcissism. We Americans can muster the capability to be united in heartbreaking anguish and wrath for about 10 minutes before someone decides to use the situation to further their own agenda. And, with apologies to my bleeding heart liberal friends, it has to be said that it is usually their heroes that are the first to start gnawing on something like a dog with a rawhide, usually in an effort to demonize conservatives and spit on The Constitution. In the past 48 hours we’ve seen the Arizona sheriff investigating the shooting blame Rush Limbaugh, South Carolina Congressman Jim Clyburn demand renewal of The Fairness Doctrine (which limits free speech), New York Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy call for yet more gun control laws, and idiots ranging from testosterone-challenged Keith Olbermann to Hanoi Jane Fonda blame The Tea Party and more specifically two of its most ardent figureheads, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck. Meanwhile, back in the real world, evidence is mounting that the shooter was an anti-Semitic (Congresswoman Giffords is Jewish) leftist pothead with a personal grudge against his target and no affiliation with any political party. There is absolutely no evidence that he was a listener much less a passionate follower of any particular talk radio host or other pundit, and nothing to support the assumption that “vitriolic political rhetoric” is to blame for his heinous act save for a not uncommon dislike for the government in general. Several friends and acquaintances have come forward expressing a decided lack of surprise that this lunatic would commit such a violent crime. Even the dimwitted sheriff so hell bent on casting aspersions on Limbaugh stated that the man came from “a somewhat dysfunctional family”. The predilection toward trying to assign rationale to irrational, violent behavior is understandably human. The penchant for taking advantage of the grief of others to play political games and crap all over freedom & liberty is a sad commentary on the state of both “journalism” and ethical, moral, sapient leadership.

The bottom line is this…..

More gun laws will neither bring the dead back to life nor would it have prevented the event from happening. Stifling of free speech would be just as misguided. The simple fact is that a young man with a lot of issues and more than a few screws loose went off the deep end. He is to blame for his actions, and if the legal system works the way it is supposed to then some form of justice, as hollow as it will undoubtedly seem in relation to the lives of the victims and their families, will be served. Everything else is just a bunch of poppycock, a vain attempt by some to make this horrific tale about them and their megalomaniacal tendencies & need for power and control.

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Proudly Closeminded and Intolerant

Facebook is a mixed blessing, a double edged sword. On one hand it provides the type of beneficially mindless entertainment that even those who rail against such frivolity need in appropriately moderate doses and serves as an avenue to stay in touch or reconnect with friends and family. Conversely, it can, as much as one allows, lay bare attitudes and behaviors that may be otherwise unknown by the masses. I am one who probably puts a little too much out there, providing access to my beliefs and views on everything from religion & politics to sports & pop culture. I also observe what others opine and post. I know for a fact that some are outraged and flabbergasted by my sentiments, and I am oftentimes saddened and flummoxed by theirs. This can create regrettable tension. Theoretically these are your friends and you are their friend, but in reality the relationship is often tenuous. The person you went to high school with but haven’t seen for 20 years probably isn’t a true friend, especially if you weren’t even friends in school. The co-worker from that job you had for 6 months ten years ago probably isn’t really your friend either. So when you combine the flimsiness of the relationship with polarizingly passionate perspectives on issues that some may take more seriously than others it is a combustible cocktail. Fortunately the inevitably disastrous fracturing of the fragile association is fairly painless. You can choose to just not have the stuff your friend posts appear in your news feed, you can delete them, or you can ban them completely so that you won’t even see their interactions with mutual friends. I have done all three, and it is likely all three have been done to me by others.


It is never my intention to anger or offend, and I am not easily offended myself. But one of the things I have observed over the course of the past few years is a growing sense of moral relativism. Society has a progressively increasing “if it feels good do it” attitude. Anything and everything is rubber stamped as long as there is no heinous crime being committed or no one is being physically hurt. Those who espouse opinions that go against the grain of this laissez faire attitude are on the receiving end of a rather vitriolic backlash wherein they are labeled intolerant and close-minded. I have been called those things a few times myself over the years, and I used to get upset and angry, loudly proclaiming that I am indeed tolerant and open minded despite what those who disagree with my principles may think. However, I have begun to reassess this standard defense of my values. Maybe I am a little intolerant and somewhat close-minded. And I think that is just fine with me.


Tolerance is a tricky term. Being tolerant used to mean the ability or inclination to put up with things one did not agree with or like. For example, a non-smoker tolerating a friend lighting up in their presence, or a Pittsburgh Steelers fan (like myself) tolerating a Dallas Cowboys fan (such as my sister). It is an absolute necessity that makes our world more interesting. Afterall, how prosaic would life be if everyone agreed about everything?? The key is something my Dad taught me…disagreeing without being disagreeable. But over the course of the last few decades tolerance has found new life as a politically correct code word meaning “anything goes” and not only blurs the line between right & wrong but obliterates it completely. The only wrong in this politically correct universe are those that attempt to insert any type of ethical standards into the situation, especially if they invoke Christian values and the name of God in the process. Likewise, being open minded theoretically means the ability to be receptive to new or different ideas. This too has unfortunately evolved into terminology that means acceptance of all manner of obscenity and abject ideology. The PC crowd has been enormously successful in weaving these thought processes into society while demonizing God and morality.


What I have been trying to work out in my own heart and mind is this: Where is the line between being judgmental and simply standing up for one’s beliefs ??


The Word tells us in Matthew “judge not lest ye be judged”, but I think maybe that is a passage that has been twisted into a self-serving bit of hyperbole by the tolerance police. It is a sad fact in 21st century America that a growing segment of the population openly mock God, but there is another growing portion of society who, while they profess a belief in God, want to water Him down into an easygoing, relaxed, permissive entity who doesn’t care how far off the path we veer. They treat God like a substitute teacher or a benevolent grandparent who will let us goof off, break all the rules, and still give us milk & cookies before reading a bedtime story and tucking us into bed. Even loyal churchgoers who theoretically study their Bible regularly say things like “love the sinner, hate the sin” which, to my knowledge, cannot be found anywhere in God’s Word. It is true that God is love, that He commanded us to love our enemies and our neighbors as we do ourselves, and that He is so desirous of a personal relationship that He sent Jesus to die on the cross so that His blood can wash away our sin, but we shouldn’t mistake kindness for weakness. Jesus did not hesitate to call people out on their BS, so to speak. He was no pushover and ticked a lot of people off. I mean let’s face it…He was crucified!! That doesn’t happen to a lackadaisical milquetoast. We are to emulate Christ and I believe sometimes that means being a bit more of a radical revolutionary than a pushover. Should we go around picking fights?? No. But I think it means we don’t walk away from them either. It’s all in the approach.


And that is the point at which I currently find myself. I have come to realize that my approach may need some…tweaking. Maybe I do come across as judgmental and a bit harsh on occasion. I have had to diminish my exposure to various political media because, whether I strongly agree or completely disagree with the biased angle being presented I tend to get a little too fired up either way. This is when Facebook gets me in hot water because it offers an immediate forum where I can vent my frustrations before taking the proper time to ponder and cool the engines. At the same time, I do not want to sit on my hands and not express my views, especially when it comes to faith. We are to be “fishers of men” and “make disciples of all the nations…teaching to observe all things that Jesus commanded”. Jesus said “they persecuted Me they will persecute you also” and “you will be hated by all for My name’s sake”. He taught that “blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Man’s sake. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy”. This is a uncomfortable thing for most to grasp because we don’t enjoy rejection. We want to be liked and accepted. We want to fit in, to belong. Especially for Christians it can be difficult to embrace that we are to be a peculiar people. Who really wants to be thought of as peculiar, aka unusual, strange, or weird?? But at the end of the day I think there are times when we must stand our ground and refuse to back down. There are situations in which we need to be close-minded and intolerant.


I suppose it all goes back to what Dad taught me about disagreeing without being disagreeable. We can stand up for our principles without being hateful, even if “hate” is another word too easily thrown around by touchy feely humanists to condemn anyone who disagrees with their warped outlook on all sorts of subject matter. George Herbert, a 17th century poet and clergyman, said that “living well is the best revenge”. Similarly, maybe the best way to convey Godly principles is not to argue but to live a Godly life with Jesus Christ as our role model. Values like salvation, forgiveness, wisdom, grace, mercy, love, peace, faith, kindness, etc. shouldn’t be treated like a product others have to be convinced to buy under duress or like abstract concepts from an tedious book that are taught in a dry, uninspired lecture. They are to be practiced daily. My Mom always said that you can get more flies with honey than with vinegar. Conforming that notion to the present discourse it seems that a better strategy in proving God’s way is the right way…the only way…is to become the best example possible. Stay positive and show the power of God in one’s own life rather than being critical of others’ choices. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. used civil disobedience or non-violent protest to make his case, and at the end of the day let’s face it…he made a heck of a case and changed the world. I cannot honestly say my protestations are always as civil as they should be and that is something The Lord and I are ironing out, but I plan on continuing to stand up for what I believe to be right, and on the occasions that I am perceived as being captious or abrasive I will need to decide if that is truly the case and what exactly must be done…or not done.

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Adventures in Grocery Shopping

I like grocery shopping, which as far as I know is rare for a guy. But I’m a bachelor so it isn’t like I have anyone else to do it for me. I guess I figure I may as well enjoy the task. Of course I also like eating (probably too much) so it all sort of comes together like a logical jigsaw puzzle. Anyway, a recent excursion to the store struck me as interesting and has the juices flowing. I am not sure why, as it wasn’t all that much different from any other shopping experience, but I’ll just go with it. Take this virtual trip with me, enjoy the ride, and get a little insight into how my thought process works.


My Mom always had a particular day…I believe it was Thursday…to go grocery shopping. She was much more organized that me, and I am sure there was a reason for this schedule. Conversely, I am completely random. I go either when I am nearly out of food, or maybe just out of certain staples like milk, bread, sugar, salt, etc. that make eating more difficult than necessary. Or there are occasions when I have a day off, the weather is quite lovely, I do not want to lay around The Bachelor Palace all day, and grocery shopping seems like an entertaining option. There was a time when, being a night owl, I may decide to hit one of the 24 hour stores just because I was awake super late and had a burst of energy. However, I work midnight shifts now and even though it is not unusual for me to be awake at 3am on my nights off I rarely venture out at that hour anymore.


The specific day germane to this adventure was a Monday. I am typically working Sunday nights and therefore am a lazy waste of space all day Monday, but happened to have a Sunday night off. This factor, along with Monday being an uncommonly lovely & warm autumn day lead to my decision to be productive. Plus I was out of milk, which is like Lindsay Lohan being at a raging party that has emptied it’s last bottle of Jagermeister.


The first thing that happened when I arrived at the friendly neighborhood (yet nationally known) super mega store was something that occurs often and rarely fails to inexplicably bother the living daylights out of me. I get my wheelchair out of my truck, then transfer my big ol’ fat butt into my chair. I was getting something out of the back of the vehicle when a well-meaning yet unintentionally offensive stranger happened along and asked the question I have come to despise…”Sir, can I help you??” I have yet to come up with the proper response. My comeback is usually a palpably tense “No…thank you though. I got it…do it every day”. Should my response be kinder?? After all, these folks are nice and have the right idea. The world would be better if more people were as thoughtful. Or should my response be designed to expose peoples’ disingenuousness?? I have often thought of just saying a simple “Yes” and then sitting there to await their reaction, which would likely be “Okay…what do you need?? How can I help??”. My reply would then be “Well you’re the one who offered assistance. I assumed you had an idea in mind.” I just wish people understood what a dagger to my heart offers of aid are under anything but extraordinary circumstances. I have been a paraplegic all my life. I survive. I find ways to get things done. I understand my limitations and do not engage in activities that are inaccessible or more trouble than they’re worth. Offering to help with typical daily activities that are, for me, second nature, is akin to me asking a stranger if I they need assistance tying their shoes, cutting their meat, or brushing their teeth. It makes me feel pathetic, and I don’t like feeling pathetic.


Anyway…at this point I need to specify that this particular Monday was November 1st. This is important because the first thing I saw as I entered the store was a rather large Christmas tree. Really?? Are you kidding me?? Less than 24 hours earlier it was all ghosts and pumpkins and fun size candy bars, and now we’ve suddenly jumped into the Christmas season?? Look, I am a huge Christmas guy. I love everything about Christmas…the lights, the food, the movies & TV specials, the music. I especially love the REAL “reason for the season” (y’all do remember what that is, right??). But is it too much to ask that we have a little break between holidays…maybe a week?? And can we please give some love to Thanksgiving?? I long ago accepted that Thanksgiving segues immediately into the month long Christmaspalooza, and that’s okay. I also understand that Thanksgiving is difficult to market. There is a finite number of products we purchase and they are all food…turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing, yams, cranberry sauce…so it’s not really profitable to a wide variety of retailers. Still, Thanksgiving remains one of the “big” holidays and shouldn’t be pushed aside for Santa Claus, imported toys, and artificial fiberoptic trees.


My first task was to head to the deli. I have only recently begun utilizing the deli. I was under some sort of long term delusion wherein I believed that prepackaged meats and cheeses were less expensive. That may still be the case but I think the price difference is negligible these days. Everything is outrageous. At any rate, a couple things of interest occurred in the deli. First, kudos to whomever came up with the handy thickness chart so one can easily communicate how they want an item sliced. It is such an easy, low tech solution. Simplicity at its best. Conversely, I am a bit mystified at the variety of cold cuts available. In my world ham is ham, turkey is turkey, and bologna is…well, whatever bologna is. But not so fast my friend!! There are now apparently dozens of each type. Honey, smoked, sun dried tomato, baked, Italian style…complexity personified. As I was mulling over my choices and suddenly getting that overwhelmed feeling that I used to get before an algebra quiz in junior high, I became distracted by one of the families in front of me. One member of the family was a young girl probably 8-10 years of age. This little “lady” was not only looking at the glass case that holds all the goodies, she had her face right up against it…while hacking up a lung. Thank God the glass was there. But did her mother tell her to cover her mouth?? Stop making out with the glass?? No. As mentioned, there are enough varieties available. I really don’t think we need H1N1 pastrami. Really people…have some class. Teach your children a bit of couth. My apologies to anyone who has to look that word up in the dictionary.


After getting what I wanted from the deli it was time to methodically maneuver through the rest of the store. I rarely make a list. I live alone, meaning I eat what I want, when I want, how I want. This has not been a positive for my unfortunately corpulent waistline, but it makes shopping easy and enjoyable. I normally meander through each aisle and grab what looks good, and over the years I’ve learned a few things.


First, because I am in a wheelchair and God has a sense of humor what I desire is inevitably on the top shelf. And while there is no shortage of interlopers offering assistance when I do not need any, when I really could use some help suddenly I am The Omega Man.


I also have a million dollar idea that I’ll offer up to some entrepreneurial soul free of charge. Grocery stores should be marked off like roads and parking lots. There need to be lanes. Rules should prevent five (usually rotund) people from walking side-by-side and blocking an entire 10 foot area. We’re shopping here folks, not skipping down The Yellow Brick Road. There also should be time limits…maybe red & green lights. If you can’t decide between Fruity Pebbles and Frosted Mini-Wheats move on and come back later. The rest of us need our recommended daily allowance of fiber too, and the ballgame comes on in 45 minutes.


In a related matter, I sincerely believe that motorized carts should only be used by the elderly and legitimately disabled. Using a cart because you are too obese to walk is just sad.


Always buy the greenest bananas available. You’ll seem like a genius in two days.


Milk is in the rear of the store for a reason. It’s a marketing ploy designed to prevent people like me from rushing in, grabbing my favorite beverage, and leaving without being tempted by a bunch of other stuff. That’s fine. It is a rather ingenious plot.


I have recently begun to eat whole wheat bread and I like it. Of course the health benefits are likely nullified when I slather it with Miracle Whip.


Speaking of unhealthy, my heart breaks every time I peruse the plethora of candy out there and the Bar None, discontinued in the mid-1990’s, is not on the shelves. Damn you Hershey!!


I am quite sure there is a method to the organization of each aisle, and if one frequents the same store often finding things becomes easy enough. But why not arrange everything alphabetically?? Or since we’re such a technologically advanced society how about computers placed throughout the marketplace so one can do a quick search?? Think of it as Google for groceries. Yes I realize there are usually signs hanging from the ceiling telling us what we can expect if we venture down a particular row, but unlike the minimalist solution alluded to in the deli I think this calls for some razzle dazzle. Maybe this sort of thing is available in the big city already, but I live in West Virginia, where a number of people still believe Jimmy Carter is President and some continue to be confused by “the clicker” for the TV.


Checking out is always fun. First of all, why are there 25 checkouts but only 8 of them are open?? The eight that are open have lines stretching halfway back to the beer section. I know a lot of people that need a job who’d be glad to work those other 17 registers. Secondly, I always…always…get stuck behind the person who A) is purchasing hundreds of dollars of food in an apparent effort to singlehandedly cure world hunger, and/or B) has an item which the computer does not recognize thereby forcing the cashier to put on the little light and await a management type. Of course this gives me a few moments to leaf through the tabloids to see what my peeps Paris & the Kardashian gals are up to, find out if Brangelina are still married, clarify who is sleeping with who amongst the cast of Glee, and get an update on the whereabouts of the very much alive Elvis, JFK, and Michael Jackson. Does anyone actually purchase those “magazines” or just glance at them in line?? On this particular day I encountered an especially chipper young man at the register who really seemed to enjoy his job and said things like “I want to do everything I can to make this a great shopping experience for my customers”. And I am convinced he genuinely meant every word. It is likely an unfortunate indictment of my cynical nature that I found myself wondering if he may need some counseling.


Now one would think that after checking out the adventure would be over, right?? Alas, one still must get out of the parking lot without injury. What is it about grocery store parking lots that lower the average person’s IQ by 50. I have had more vehicular near misses and close calls in parking lots than superhighways. I sincerely believe that law enforcement needs to be on duty at all times to direct traffic. This would atleast justify the two or three parking spaces marked as reserved for the police. I mean honestly…I NEVER see any policemen there, so why are they needlessly commandeering much needed parking?? Why are these spaces so close to the entrance?? Don’t police have to maintain a minimal level of fitness?? Make them park in the back under normal circumstances. If a real emergency arises they can park wherever they like anyway. And while I am thinking about it, what’s the deal with “stork parking”?? Aren’t pregnant women supposed to walk as much as possible??


So that’s my story. I look forward to running out of food and having another adventure soon.

 

 

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Persons of the Month – May 2010

I honestly do not know what sort of mental block I have when it comes to writing the Person of the Month entry every 30-ish days. My goal is always to complete the task in the last couple days of the month or no later than the first day of the new month. Somehow though I always run a few days late. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not getting paid to do this…yet. When that day comes I will have to be more mindful of deadlines.

It seems like we are constantly breaking new ground here, which is fine by me. For May 2010 we will once again be selecting two POMs, but this time it is entirely by choice and not because I played a practical joke last month. Also, the two people we will be honoring are both politicians, which is sort of like giving the key to the city to an IRS agent or letting a stripper babysit your kids. However, I have retained just enough of my idealism to believe that there are still decent people whose goals are mostly selfless and untainted. As Padme  Skywalker said to Obi-Wan Kenobi about her husband Anakin…right about the time he was morphing into Darth Vader…”there is still good in him”. Admittedly my overriding cynicism will only allow that belief to be very limited, but atleast it’s something, right??

Our first honoree is a guy I am really growing to like and respect. In the past month I have seen countless video clips of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, and in every one of them he absolutely owns the room he is in and the people who have the audacity to challenge him. He has taken on thin skinned media weasels, teachers unions, tax & spend liberals, and all manner of other critics. He is direct and does not mince words. Governor Christie is a statesman, not a typical 21st century politician. I do not live in New Jersey so what happens there does not affect me in the least, but when I see Christie speak it leaves me wishing my home state of West Virginia and our national government in Washington DC had such strong and effective leadership. This is a man who appears to have a deeply ingrained set of conservative core principles and the wherewithal to not back down from a fight. Governor Christie is fairly new to the spotlight but is already being touted by some as a possible 2012 Presidential candidate. He has stated that he has no interest in a run for the White House, and that’s fine by me. I would have no problem with seeing his career progress for another few years, whether that means another term as Governor (a tough proposition in liberal New Jersey), or maybe some other prominent position. One thing is for sure…Chris Christie is not some soft spoken moderate like John McCain or someone that people will refuse to take seriously like Sarah Palin. Folks do and will pay attention to him no matter what his job title may be, and that can be nothing but positive for conservatism in America.

Our second POM is another Governor, this time from the other side of the country. Jan Brewer was Arizona’s Secretary of State until then Governor Janet Napolitano was chosen by Barack Hussein Obama to become Secretary of Homeland Security. The line of succession made Brewer the new Governor and she is up for election to a full term in 2010.

Despite having been in office only a little over a year, Brewer has already been thrust into the glare of nationwide scrutiny.  In April she signed a state law that will…gasp…actually enforce immigration laws already on the books. This law has spawned widespread whining and temper tantrums from liberal politicians, pansy ass celebrities, the idiotic drive by media, and various sectors of an increasingly wussified American public. Protests, boycotts, and threats abound. Accusations of racial profiling have bleeding hearts wringing their hands and complaining, which is what they’re good at instead of actually solving problems. The law specifically states that police can “question people about their immigration status if there is reason, other than race, ethnicity or national origin, to suspect they are illegal immigrants after they have been stopped, detained or arrested for another crime or suspicion of another crime.” So, first of all, if you are in the country legally you have nothing to worry about. Secondly, even if you are already committing the crime of being an illegal immigrant you still having nothing to fear as long as you keep your nose clean and don’t commit another crime. That sounds pretty fair to me. I do not want to go off on a tangent about illegal immigration right at the moment, but I do not understand what all the consternation is about the issue. Yes, our Statue of Liberty is inscribed with the statement “”give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me”, but that does not mean chaos should reign. There is a process. You want to come to The Melting Pot?? Fine…but dammit you better be willing to melt. In my mind that means going through the proper procedure of legally entering the country and following the steps that have been laid out. My paternal great grandparents both came from Italy in the early part of the 20th century, and both went through Ellis Island and did what was right and what was expected of all new citizens. They did it, so why should people entering from Mexico or wherever else in 2010 be any different?? Why is doing the right thing such a difficult concept to grasp these days??

Thus far Governor Brewer has stood strong and faced the vocal opposition to the law she signed. She even met with President Obama and apparently did not give in. Tom Petty once sang “I won’t back down…you could stand me up at the gates of hell but I won’t back down…gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around…I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down…there ain’t no easy way out in a world that keeps on pushin’ me around but I’ll stand my ground”.  As long as the Governor sticks to her guns she will be another shining example of conservatism done right.

 

Random Thoughts 20

No one can deny that if the big oil spill that has dominated the news lately would have occurred under the watch of the Bush Administration George W. would have been crucified in the media and probably threatened with impeachment. I continue to be amazed at the free pass Barack Hussein Obama gets from just about everyone. And let me take this opportunity to point out that a disaster like this is exactly why we should be drilling for oil in Alaska’s ANWR.

Although I was never a faithful viewer of iconic 80’s TV show The A-Team I am strangely looking forward to the upcoming big screen adaptation.

Lebron James and Kobe Bryant are talented basketball players, but can we cease putting them on the same pedestal as legends like Magic, Bird, & Jordan?? Give me a break.

I am a bookworm and love biographies. I have one basic rule though. If you’re life isn’t interesting enough to produce a book of atleast 300 pages then it isn’t worth my time to read.

What is the deal with the obsession to be tan?? And why are women under the delusion that they are even remotely attractive with an orange hue to their skin??

Congratulations to the voters in Pennsylvania who threw Senator Arlen Specter out on his keister. Politicians need to remember that they serve at the pleasure of the voters, and you cannot become so flippant as to switch parties just to save your own job.

I find it sad the number of people I run into well past their youth who still find it entertaining to “go out” and “get their drink on”.

Hardee’s is no longer serving roast beef. Interesting decision. I don’t care how much better “thickburgers” are than the run-of-the-mill burgers they served 10 years ago, the fact is that Hardee’s will never surpass McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s in that market, so why take away the one signature item on the menu that made the place stand out?? Oh well…thank God for Arby’s.

I am really tired of hearing about Sandra Bullock and her cheating husband Jesse James. Enough already.

Why does every photo album I see on Facebook have atleast one pic of someone doing that silly two fingered “gangsta” sign and another pic (usually of a female) doing some sort of over-the-top puckering thing?? It’s obnoxious. Stop it.

So now, in addition to The Food Network, we have something new on our television lineup called The Cooking Channel. I have no doubt I will quickly become addicted to it as well.

As a lifelong diehard football fan I am not completely opposed to a cold weather Super Bowl in New York, but I do hope it is something that’s not done often.

I was sucked into watching this season’s Dancing With the Stars because of my massive man crush on ESPN’s Erin Andrews. The final result was a huge disappointment, with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger taking home the Mirror Ball Trophy. Nicole is, for all intents & purposes, a professional dancer in her own right and should have never been allowed in the competition.

Whenever possible I like to use this public forum to give proper attention to the good news in the world. I want to give some love to something called The Innocence Project, a non-profit legal foundation that uses DNA testing to overturn convictions of wrongly accused people. I have read atleast 3 stories in the past few months about gentlemen being released from prison due to the efforts of this organization. It breaks my heart that anyone would spend decades being locked up for a crime they did not commit, but atleast now we have the technology to right these wrongs.