Winning & Musing…..Volume 5.11

“I don’t know anything that builds the will to win better than competitive sports.”

–         President Richard M. Nixon

I love how “journalists” are all about The First Amendment right of free speech…until someone says something with which they disagree. It was alarming how many talking heads on ESPN and sports writers were rabidly bandying about what the punishment should be for Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison after he made some very…candid…statements in a recent magazine article. The big one that everyone seemed to be kvetching about was a “homosexual slur”. Whatever happened to “Sticks & stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me”?? I am not defending Harrison and I do think maybe someone should to pull him aside and politely tell him that he needs to keep some of his opinions to himself, but I will staunchly defend his right to express himself if he so chooses. If you don’t like what he has to say don’t read the damn article. How difficult is that??

So can we cool it now with the whole “Rory Mclroy is the new Tiger Woods” thing??

I would rather sit in a dark room & stare blankly into space than watch soccer, but I am as patriotic as anyone so it was disappointing to hear that our USA women choked in the World Cup final. Guess it’s back to the kitchen girls – just kidding ;-).

As of this writing the long national nightmare that has been the NFL lockout is almost over. Thank God.

Fellow sports fans, if you don’t get up at 6am every weekday to watch ESPN’s Mike & Mike in the Morning you are missing out. The show is a fantastic mix of entertainment & information. It’s a lot more interesting than anything else that’s on at that time of the day.

I am not sure of the status of Nascar’s current television contracts, but I hope whenever it is time to renegotiate all the races land on one network. Bouncing from Fox to TNT to ESPN throughout the season is annoying. Each outlet has its own production quirks, different announcers, and just brings a different vibe to the races they broadcast. It’s kind of disconcerting to the viewer.

NBA center Yao Ming has announced his retirement and the full court press…pun not intended…is on to make him out to be a much more important and better player than he actually was. He played 7 seasons and averaged 19 points, 9 rebounds, and 2 blocked shots per game. Not bad, but hardly legendary. In comparison, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar averaged 25 points, 11 rebounds, and 2.5 blocks per game over the course of 20 seasons with 6 championship teams, and David Robinson averaged 21 points, 10.5 rebounds, and 3 blocks per game in 14 seasons winning 2 championships in the process. And I’m not even bothering to look up stats for guys like Bill Russell, Hakeem Olajuwon, Wilt Chamberlain, and a host of other big men who I know did it better and longer than Ming. Ming’s biggest accomplishment was being a hero in his native China and opening up doors there for the NBA, which I am sure made a lot of people a lot of money. If the talking heads want to give him the credit for that I have no issue, but let’s not even attempt to put him in the conversation amongst the best of all time.

I am still not convinced that the 1st place Pittsburgh Pirates can bring home a division title or even land a wildcard spot. But even if they falter down the stretch and finish 3rd in the division 5-10 games out of the top spot it will still have been a successful season. No one expected this to happen this year. They are a year or two ahead of schedule and have given fans, at long last, something to look forward to.

Winning & Musing…..Volume 4.11

Who would have ever believed that in midsummer the Pittsburgh Pirates would be about the only thing I wouldn’t feel negatively about??

Tiger Woods is finished. Atleast that is my opinion. Oh sure, he’ll win a few more tournaments and maybe even a couple more majors. But those majors will be of the “feel good” “one last hurrah” variety, like Jack Nicklaus’ Masters victory in 1986 at the age of 46, long after most thought he was done as a competitive golfer. I don’t think Woods will surpass or even tie Nicklaus’ record of 18 major titles. Not only is Tiger’s body beginning to betray him (as it does all of us eventually), but I just don’t think it’s reasonable to believe that he can ever regain the mental toughness and dominant intimidation factor that were key elements in his decade of supremacy.

Surely no NFL team will be desperate enough to sign RB Tiki Barber, who is 36 years old, has been out of the game for 5 years, and wasn’t exactly Mr. Popularity in the lockerroom. There are plenty of younger, fresher legs out there, especially for a backup role.

A melancholy farewell to Lorenzo Charles, a starting forward on the 1983 NC St. Wolfpack national champion basketball team. It was Charles who threw in the winning dunk allowing the Pack to pull off one of the biggest upsets in NCAA tournament history over the Hakeem Olajuwon/Clyde Drexler Houston Cougars, known as Phi Slamma Jamma. Charles died recently when the bus he was driving crashed. One can imagine Coach Jim Valvano frantically running around The Pearly Gates ready to give Lorenzo Charles a big ol’ hug.

I am smart enough to realize that the NFL lockout is more complex than multimillionaires arguing with billionaires, but ultimately that is how most fans look at the whole thing. As of this moment there seems to be cautious optimism that a deal will be done within a couple weeks that will allow the season to begin on time and things to proceed as usual. I sincerely hope that is the case. Make it happen NFL…players, owners, Commandant Goodell…all of you.

Congratulations to the Dallas Mavericks, the new NBA Champions. I didn’t really have a dog in the fight, as I have never had a favorite NBA team. However, it gave me immense pleasure to see Lebron James choke like an illiterate redneck in a spelling bee. He and his buddies thought they could put together what amounted to an All-Star team and just waltz their way to a title, but the Mavericks proved that, no matter how much the NBA tries to market individual players, basketball is still a team sport. “King” James (King of what exactly??) was exposed as an overrated superstar who is a superior athlete but not a particularly great basketball player.

FYI…the Frank McCourt that is on the verge of losing ownership of the LA Dodgers is not the same Frank McCourt that was the author of the Pulitzer Prize winning memoir Angela’s Ashes. The author died in 2009.

It’s July and my Pittsburgh Pirates are in 3rd place and only 3 games out of the top spot in their division. I am not optimistic enough to think their position will improve or even stay as good as it is, but for the first time in much more than a decade I sense real progress with this team and see a glimmer of hope that a long term nucleus is in place and bright things may be on the horizon.

Maybe Terrell Owens makes a comeback, maybe he doesn’t. I couldn’t possibly care less. Owens’ “Look at Me!!” schtick and his penchant for being a locker room cancer, throwing teammates under the bus, and being a huge headache for coaches far exceeded his talent several years ago. I wouldn’t sign him to my team with a gun to my head. But agent Drew Rosenhaus is a complete moron if he thinks anyone with a brain is going to buy the PR campaign that a 37 year old wide receiver can fully recover from reconstructive knee surgery in less than 5 months. Rosenhaus is the kind of slicked back, smooth talking slimeball that gives agents a bad reputation. Even televangelists and hookers probably feel the need to take a shower after seeing Rosenhaus on TV.

Don’t you just love former NFL coach and current ESPN analyst Herm Edwards?? He can give me a pep talk anytime he wants.

 

Jim Tressel and the Ohio State faithful should have asked West Virginia Mountaineer fans about prima donna QB Terrelle Pryor. A few years ago, when former Mountaineer coach Rich Fraudriguez made his ignominious exit from The Mountain State to what he thought were greener pastures at Michigan (he was wrong), rumor had it that the last thing he did was call a certain QB he had been trying to recruit in order to convince him to follow the blazing trail to Ann Arbor. Even as the Mountaineer faithful were spewing hate-filled venom at the turncoat native son there were whispers that steering Pryor away from our beautiful state may be a blessing in disguise. Even at that point in time the youngster had proven himself to be a selfish diva who had completely bought into his own hype. Now, a few years later, Terrelle Pryor has left the Buckeyes early, brought shame upon the program, and cost Coach Tressel his job. I don’t believe Tressel is blameless. I think he got caught up in the machine like so many do, where the pressure to win outweighs all common sense and consumes a person’s dignity, honor, and integrity. I also realize that the issue is systemic in Columbus (as it most likely is at more big time athletic programs than we realize) and that a lot of players over several years were violating rules. But right or wrong I put most of the burden concerning the current mess squarely on the shoulders of Terrelle Pryor. If there is any justice he will never have much of a pro career and 20 years from now he’ll be making $8/hr. unloading freight at Sam’s Club at 2am. I have no sympathy or patience for ghetto punks who think the world owes them something just because they can run fast or do cool things with an inflated rubber ball.

The Deadly Sins of Tiger, Lebron, & Big Ben

For those who may not be familiar with the concept of The Seven Deadly Sins…or maybe you just need a quick refresher…they are pride, wrath, greed, envy, sloth, lust, and gluttony. My understanding is that Catholicism categorizes sin into venial (minor) sin and capital (mortal) sin. Needless to say The Seven Deadly Sins would be considered the latter, more serious variety. I myself am Methodist and believe that sin is sin, that there is no differentiation. However, my purpose here is not to dive into a lively debate on theology, but rather to use The Seven Deadly Sins as a jumping off point to discuss some subject matter in the world of sports that I have been avoiding for a significant period of time. I feel like the time is finally right to address these issues. I said from the very beginning in my introduction to this website that I did not particularly care for the police blotter aspect of sports in 21st Century America, something I call The O.J. Effect. However, I also said that I would not hesitate to write about such topics when they arose.

Three names have dominated our sports pages, websites, and talk shows for the past several months. It is not totally out of the ordinary that they would be in the headlines on ESPN or sports talk radio, but unfortunately everyone has been talking not about their elite skill level or successful endeavors within their respective sports, but focusing on the tabloid fodder that their personal lives have become. Now I have never been one to put athletes on a pedestal. I respect their talent and enjoy watching the games, but even as a rabid fan I feel like I have always been able to keep sports in proper perspective and not succumb to silly hero-worship. But there is no denying that professional athletes are in the spotlight, that children look up to them, and that their public personas do carry a certain influence. That is what has made the fall from grace of these three men so disappointing. The three individuals I am speaking of are, of course, Tiger Woods, Lebron James, and Ben Roethlisberger. I do not know exactly why I have waited until now to express my opinions on the storms they have so publicly battled, but the time has now arrived to do just that.

Tiger Woods has long been considered the best golfer in the world, and it has been thought a foregone conclusion that someday he will break the great Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major championships. However, all of that began falling apart last November, as slowly but surely it began to be revealed that Tiger had cheated on his wife with over a dozen women. Obviously his number one vice is lust, with gluttony (because cheating on your wife with 14 women is undoubtedly excessive) not far behind. Why did he sleep with all those women?? Who knows really, but I assume there were several reasons, the foremost being simply that he could. He is rich, famous, and powerful. Women tend to throw themselves at such men. That’s just human nature. It was Tiger Woods’ responsibility to honor his marriage vows and be faithful to his wife. He chose to break those vows over and over and over again. Of course he will ultimately face judgment from the one true God, and that is something about which I cannot and will not make comment. But he is already paying for his lust in the here & now. His marriage is over. And while I am sure both he and his ex-wife will do their best to be good parents, there is no denying that their divorce will have a damaging effect on the children, especially someday when they are old enough to understand why Mom and Dad are no longer together. He has suffered professionally as well, having not come close to winning a tournament since returning from a brief hiatus. As an avid golf fan I always cheered for Tiger Woods. Though I almost always gravitate toward the underdog, for some reason I have enjoyed seeing Woods be the dominating force that he is, mowing down the competition without breaking a sweat. That is all over now. I am smart enough to know that many athletes are not great human beings and do a lot of things wrong, but golf is not a team sport, so the individual and his shortcomings are more exposed to the world. Tiger Woods is under a brighter spotlight than just about anyone else, so his fall from grace has been very public and quite sad. I know that there are many that were glad to see him return to the links and immediately began cheering for him to once again destroy any opponents standing between him and victory. But personally when I look at Tiger Woods now all I see is a man who couldn’t keep it in his pants, a man who cheated on his wife numerous times, and a man whose biggest regret is not that infidelity but the fact that he got caught.

Speaking of getting caught, let’s talk about Ben Roethlisberger, the starting quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. This is a tough one for me because I am a huge Steeler fan and have been for over 30 years. I am a team guy so I don’t really get into any one player over another, and on the rare occasion that I do develop a particular attachment it is usually to a lesser known, under the radar type whose contribution is really only appreciated by true fans who are paying attention and not the pretty boy media darlings. But Big Ben is the quarterback of my favorite team so of course I have always liked him. He has repeatedly shown poor judgment and a skosh of immaturity off the field, but on the field he has led the team to two Super Bowl victories in the past few years so it’s been all good. However, this past spring he was accused of raping a young lady in a bar in Georgia. It isn’t the first time he has been accused of sexual misconduct, and the situation was compounded by the seriousness of the charge. Also not helpful to Roethlisberger was that fact that this was a college bar and the alleged victim was an 18-year-old girl. He is a 27-year-old multimillionaire so of course folks are going to wonder why he’s hanging with the barely legal crowd. At first I was a Big Ben apologist. I figured that this was a greedy harlot with dollar signs in her eyes, seizing an opportunity to cash in by accusing one of the world’s most famous athletes…and a man who had been previously accused of nefarious actions by a woman…of one of the most heinous crimes in all of criminality. But as various sordid details began to emerge a different picture began to be drawn in my heart and mind. Very few people will ever know what really happened in that barroom lavatory and the authorities decided there was not enough solid evidence to pursue a conviction. However, I am a person who believes that where there is smoke there is fire. Did Ben Roethlisberger rape a woman?? Maybe, maybe not. But he is at the very least guilty of pride. He thought he could do whatever he wanted, have whoever and whatever he wanted, because he is famous, rich, and successful. He continues to pursue a life of debauchery long after most men have grown up and moved on. The fact that he purposely chose to engage in these activities at a place where the clientele is more apt to be impressionable and less inclined to have the wherewithal to stand up to him reeks of a sinister thought process that I cannot help but dislike immensely. I believe in freedom, and Big Ben can drink what he likes, go to whatever club he chooses, and spend his idle time in any way that tickles his fancy. But there is a line and it seems likely that he crossed it in some form or fashion. Will I continue to support my Steelers?? Sure. Will I cheer for Ben Roethlisberger?? Yes. But more than anything he will be in my prayers. He is a young man. Most of the mistakes he has made have been small ones that maturity should cure. The one huge mistake he was accused of is one that only he and his accuser know he either did or didn’t make. If he did commit that heinous act and was fortunate enough to get away with it I hope he learns from it, that he decides to embrace his many blessings and put away his childish ways and self-indulgent lifestyle.

And finally, self-indulgence seems like a good way to segue into a discussion of Lebron James. Basketball, specifically professional basketball, has always been far behind football and baseball in my own personal sports hierarchy. Unlike football, baseball, college basketball, and even hockey, Nascar, and golf, I have never had a particular rooting interest in the NBA. The league has long been one that markets individual stars at the expense of teams, so I grew up liking Julius “Dr. J” Erving, Magic Johnson, and Michael Jordan while disliking tremendously, for no apparent reason, Larry Bird. Since the retirement of Jordan I haven’t really found anyone that really caught my attention. Lebron James had the potential to be that player, but not now. Has Lebron sexually assaulted anyone or committed adultery?? No, nothing that serious. But on some level, in a very odd way understandable only to die-hard sports fans, the crimes of Lebron James are worse. One can look at Tiger Woods and Ben Roethlisberger and say that their private lives are their own business and that fans have no right to judge…and they wouldn’t necessarily be wrong. But the recent events surrounding “King” James have everything to do with his sport on the court. In leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and “taking his talents to South Beach” (aka the Miami Heat) he broke the hearts of an entire city and significantly altered the landscape of the entire league. Let me make one thing clear…Lebron James was a free agent and was completely within his rights to change teams and accept the best offer, both monetarily and in terms of the potential for success. The problem is not what he did, but how he did it. James is guilty of greed and envy. He was so greedy in his quest for championships and the need to “build his brand”, and he was so envious of what other players, like Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce, and new teammate Dwayne Wade already had…rings on their finger…that he was willing to do anything to get a ring of his own, including stomping on the hearts of the fans in his hometown. I always liked Lebron. In a league full of semi-literate thugs he has always seemed even-tempered, well-mannered, and soft-spoken. But I am a firm believer in the fact that there is a way to handle your business and a way not to handle your business. You want to leave a job?? Fine…put in a two-week notice. You want to break up with your significant other?? Okay…but do it face to face and not with a letter, e-mail, or over the phone. Have your disagreements and arguments, but discuss your issues like an adult and if you are wrong apologize. I think Lebron James has known for months that he was leaving Cleveland. He wanted to go somewhere sexier, maximize his profit margin, and have the best opportunity to win a title. Everyone with a brain has always known that those things, while not impossible, are much more difficult to attain in Cleveland than in bigger cities like New York, Los Angeles, Dallas, Miami, Chicago, and Boston. I will always espouse the opinion that at the very least Lebron knew immediately after losing the last game of a playoff series to the Celtics that he was going elsewhere. The lasting image of that game for me is him walking down the tunnel toward the locker room, dejected, removing his Cavaliers jersey. No one can convince me that his mind was not made up at that very moment. Maybe he didn’t know exactly where he would land, but he knew he wasn’t returning to Cleveland. So why then did Lebron James engage the lapdog media in a months long dog & pony show in which he made team after team grovel and kiss his ass in an effort to get him to sign a contract?? Why were the Cleveland Cavaliers lead to believe that they had a snowball’s chance in hell of winning that battle royale?? Why did a decision that is usually made behind closed doors and then dutifully reported on ESPN or your local sportscast turn into an hour-long television special that was the height of self-aggrandizement?? It was ridiculous, a complete joke of colossal proportions. It says a lot that I will be cheering for Ben Roethlisberger this fall despite the crime he was accused of and the errant lifestyle he leads, that I may not cheer for Tiger Woods but that I will not actively cheer against him and may even crack a slight smile when he returns to form and wins his next major, but I will never…ever…ever cheer for the Miami Heat as long as Lebron James is on their roster and will actively and fervently hope that they lose each and every time they step on the court. And I’m not even a Cavaliers fan. Your mileage may vary.

 

Persons of the Month – April 2010

We have an unprecedented task to tackle this month. As faithful readers may recall, the March POM was actually posted on April 1 and therefore I took the opportunity to play a little April Fool’s prank. To make up for that I will be naming two POMs for April.

It has been a good month. We were able to say a much-anticipated farewell to what was a long brutal winter and have, for the most part, enjoyed sunshine and warm temperatures. I sense a more positive attitude and an optimistic outlook among the masses. It is amazing what a little brightness and heat can accomplish.

Our first honoree is Greg Taylor. “Who is Greg Taylor?” most will probably ask. To answer that question I direct you to the story that brought him to my attention: http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/24/north.carolina.freed.inmate/index.html?hpt=C1 I hope that link works for everyone and I sincerely recommend reading Mr. Taylor’s story. I don’t quite know why it touched my heart so much. Maybe it is because, due to health problems that encompassed a hellish stay at a “skilled” nursing facility and two months long visits to hospitals, I lost 2 years of my life not that long ago. I half-jokingly refer to my two years away from normalcy as “My Unfortunate Incarceration”, but in comparison Mr. Taylor’s situation is so much more compelling and sad. I cannot imagine losing 16 years of my life in prison for a crime I did not commit. He lost a wife, he lost friends, and he missed out on seeing his child grow up. Now he is a free man…or is he?? Society can be cruel. He will not have an easy time getting a job because…regardless of the fact that he has been completely cleared of wrongdoing…potential employers will view him as an ex-con. The fact that he was given $45 for a hotel room is laughable since even the cheapest hotel rooms these days are around $60. In my opinion he is owed a rather large settlement for being wrongfully imprisoned. But I don’t know how a dollar figure can even be attached to losing 16 years of one’s life and then having to go through the remainder of life with the undeserved stigma of having been in jail. I am reminded of the character of Brooks from the film The Shawshank Redemption, an old man who is released after many decades but ends up committing suicide because he cannot adjust to life on the outside. I do not anticipate such a tragic fate for Greg Taylor, but when I have my daily conversations with God I try to remember to give a special shout out for this man I have never met, praying that he gets what he deserves from the system that wronged him and that he is able to move forward with a happy, successful, well-adjusted life. In ask you dear friends to do the same.

The second Person of the Month for April 2010 won his third Green Jacket at golf’s greatest tournament The Masters. I am speaking of course about Phil Mickelson. Not that long ago Mickelson was the guy who couldn’t win the big one, the best player in golf without a victory in one of The Majors (Masters, U.S. Open, PGA, British Open). From 1999-2003 he finished 2nd or 3rd in six Majors and still holds the record for 2nd places finishes (5) in the U.S. Open. But since 2004 he has one 3 Masters and a PGA. This year’s Masters triumph was particularly compelling for two reasons. First, both Mickelson’s wife Amy and his mother have spent much of the past year battling cancer. Phil’s embrace of Amy after the final hole on Sunday was quite poignant yet uplifting. Secondly, the overwhelming story of the tournament was the return of Tiger Woods, who had spent the past several months battling scandal after it was discovered that he had cheated on his wife with well over a dozen women. The contrast between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson could not be clearer. I have always been a fan of both men, but I am strictly a Mickelson guy now. He is living proof that occasionally the good guys do win.

The 2009 Year In Review

It’s that time again, when we take a trip down memory lane and remember all the highs and lows of the past 365 days. As always, while we pause to look back we also look forward, embracing each new day with renewed optimism. Each breath is a gift from God, and whether we are perfectly satisfied with the status quo or desire some semblance of change in our lives, it is up to us…not the government nor any other entity…to make the proper decisions that will facilitate our happiness.

 

Personally 2009 was a case of a few steps forward, a step or two backward…change but not necessarily progress. Transformation is slow, but I see the hand of God working within my life. I just need to get out of the way, something that I am not as good at doing as I’d prefer. The great new job I got near the end of 2008 lasted less than 6 months, as I was fired from Verizon in March. It turns out that they don’t necessarily give a damn about their customers, only the bottom line. If that means tricking folks into buying bells and whistles that they neither want, understand, or even realize they are receiving then that’s just dandy because it’ll be 6 months before most customers actually examine their phone bill closely enough to recognize they are being screwed and call in to cancel those services. If I seem like just another bitter former employee that is unfortunate because I simply speak the truth. I am not a salesman, and I am certainly not abjectly amoral. The day those wretched souls lowered the boom on me I could not stop smiling. Do I miss the $20/hour paychecks?? Of course. But I sleep at night and I can look at myself in the mirror. Anyway, after a couple months of down time I got a new job at a 24/7 abuse and neglect hotline where I am not paid nearly as well but I am much much happier and feel like I am actually doing something positive. So all’s well that ends well, as ol’ Will Shakespeare might say. This fall I traded in Big Red, my 13 year old Buick Skylark, on a truck (still unnamed at the moment). I bought an IPhone. Those events have pretty much been the highlights and lowlights of my year. I am not all that exciting…I work, I play with my puppy, I am active in church and with Literacy Volunteers, and I watch way too much TV and waste far too many precious hours on The Internet. That’s pretty much it. I am very aware of my shortcomings and as always look at a new year as an opportunity for positive transformation.

 

We started out 2009 by swearing in a new President, and the results thus far have been inarguably subpar. Anyone who disagrees has their head stuck so far…well, somewhere…that the jaws of life may not be sufficient to set them free.

 

Speaking of our socialist leader, he was awarded The Nobel Peace Prize. No one seems to have a good explanation as to why.

 

The biggest story in 2009 continued to be the economy. I can’t add anything substantially new to the conversation, but suffice to say that I do not believe more government is the answer. The massive New Deal-esque bailout package has thus far been a flop with no signs of that changing. And no matter how much the “mainstream” media tries to twist itself into knots to paint a positive picture, the fact that there is no job growth is a sure sign that there is no economic recovery.

 

Many Americans were brought to their knees by something called Swine Flu, or if you prefer the PC term, H1N1. I’m undecided as to whether it is a genuine semi-pandemic or just unnecessary mass hysteria. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle…it is a legit disease with some rather nasty effects that affected millions, but I don’t think it really warrants comparisons with the bubonic plague.

 

Former comedian Al Franken was elected to the Senate from Minnesota. These are the same people who elected former pro wrestler Jessie Ventura Governor a few years back. Maybe we should consider selling Minnesota to Canada.

 

My Pittsburgh Steelers won their record 6th Super Bowl in extremely exciting fashion. I just wish the success had carried over into the following season. The Penguins brought yet another title to Pittsburgh by winning the Stanley Cup. Wherefore art thou Pittsburgh Pirates??

 

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues. No one seems to give a damn anymore.

 

Uber-successful TV drama ER ended its 15 year run. Having spent far too much of my life in hospitals and around doctors I never really made an effort to get into the show, but the few times I watched it over the years it seemed well written and acted.

 

Companies that went under in 2009 – General Motors, Lehman Brothers, Chrysler, Eddie Bauer, The Rocky Mountain News, Goody’s Clothing, and over 140 banks nationwide. I’m quite sure I am forgetting several notables.

 

The New York Yankees bought…ummm, I mean won…the World Series…again.

 

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevic became a national joke after being thrown out of office for attempting to sell the available Senate seat of now President Obama. On the bright side he finished 3rd in the Grant Goodeve Lookalike Contest.

 

King of Pop Michael Jackson died. Parents of small children everywhere are breathing easier.

 

Sonia Sotomayor was voted onto The Supreme Court, a breakthrough for Latinas. The fact that Justice Sotomayor’s qualifications were quite suspect didn’t seem to matter. It’s all about being inclusive and multicultural these days.

 

A really cool video of a Minnesota couple’s…shall we say “nontraditional”…wedding entrance became a YouTube sensation. Redemption for Minnesota?? Maybe.

 

General Motors became Government Motors and Chrysler was forced to merge with Italy’s Fiat. Ford stands alone as the only remaining free market American car company. The Obama Administration has already begun using its takeover of GM as a way to further a radical global warming (or is it climate change??) agenda.

 

I’m not sure what the top grossing movies of 2009 were or what made the critics all tingly, but I went to the theater three times. I saw The Hangover, Star Trek, and A Christmas Carol. I quite enjoyed all three.

 

A Muslim extremist masquerading as a psychiatrist infiltrated the United States Army and killed 13 people at Fort Hood in Texas. This should scare the living hell out of everyone.

 

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Jessica Simpson all had a rather quiet 2009 by their standards, but the pop culture machine found new twits to waste valuable time on in Jon & Kate, The OctoMom, the Kardashian clan, and some guy who made the world think his 6 year old kid was in a runaway balloon when he was in the attic all along. Edward R. Murrow and Chet Huntley, wherever their souls reside these days, must cry a little every time they see Access Hollywood, Extra, and The Insider.

 

59 year old Tom Watson darn near won the British Open.

 

Pilot Sully Sullenberger became a national hero after saving the lives of 155 people on board a commercial airliner. The engines on the plane died and somehow the pilot maneuvered it so that it landed on top of the water in the Hudson River, not sinking until all the passengers had been safely rescued.

 

Conan O’Brien took over The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon took over Late Night, Jay Leno got his own show at 10pm, and David Letterman became a bitter old man who cheats on his girlfriend with members of his staff. America suddenly decided we needed more sleep and started turning off the TV earlier.

 

Tiger Woods was discovered to have been putting his balls into more than 18 holes. Idiot.

 

Microsoft, having realized that Windows Vista was a colossal flop, came out with Windows 7. I myself am still using Windows XP cause that’s how I roll.

 

Politically correct, racially sensitive types got their panties in a bunch when a white cop in Massachusetts arrested a somewhat well-known black Harvard professor who was being a jackass and deserved to be arrested. President Obama angered policemen everywhere by saying that the white cop had “acted stupidly”. Obama smoothed the whole thing over by inviting the two men involved to the White House for a Beer Summit. If only legitimately important issues were as easy to solve.

 

Paula Abdul left American Idol. Oh my God, how will I ever find the strength to go on??

 

Millions of horny teenage boys (okay okay okay…and grown men) got the opportunity to see ESPN sportsbabe Erin Andrews au naturel. Unfortunately the circumstances were so creepy that it had a negative impact on one’s enjoyment of the show. Not that big of an impact, but nevertheless an impact.

 

Speaking of creepy…Congressional ne’er-do-wells Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid got really close to ramming a universal health care measure through, even though 60% of the American people are against it. This was made clear over the summer in a series of contentious town hall meetings in which many Congressmen were confronted by angry constituents that they theoretically represent but in reality could not possibly care less about. Senators Ben Nelson of Nebraska and Mary Landrieu of Louisiana proved themselves to be filthy whores whose votes can be bought. I suppose that shouldn’t shock anyone, but the blatant disregard for morality and the will of the people never ceases to amaze.

 

Michael Vick made an uneventful return to the NFL. Good for him.

 

Not even the combined magnetism of Obrahbama was enough to snag the 2016 Olympics for the city of Chicago. I blame Steve Bartman.

 

England’s answer to American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent, produced an overnight sensation in 47 year old Susan Boyle. Because we human beings are shallow, belittling types the hosts of the show and the live audience immediately began to laugh at Ms. Boyle when she came onstage because she did not fit within the Barbie Doll parameters we all expect from our stars. Ms. Boyle shut the morons up rather quickly when she started singing, and it should have been a valuable lesson for all involved.

 

The Obama Administration showed early signs of stupidity back in April when it allowed Air Force One to fly low over Manhattan for a photo op…the same Manhattan that witnessed 9/11. You remember 9/11…when airplanes were flown into The World Trade Center?? Morons.

 

Alaska Governor and former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin took a huge political risk by resigning from office. Most assume that Palin will make a bid for The White House in 2012 or 2016 (or both), and it is my opinion that she may have made a serious error in resigning. I’m not sure she’s electable anyway, but quitting in the middle of her term just gave her enemies on the left unnecessary ammunition.

 

Part of the government bailout that bears particular attention is Clash for Clunkers. Though numbers can be twisted in such a way that the program looks like it was a rousing success, those numbers are rather specious at best. And again, the whole thing was a not-so-cleverly disguised attempt to further an environmentalist wacko agenda.

 

RIP – movie auteur John Hughes, actress Farrah Fawcett…Senator Edward Kennedy…actor Patrick Swayze…Congressman Jack Kemp…sidekick Ed McMahon…actor Karl Malden…Golden Girl Bea Arthur…guitar guru Les Paul…boxer Arturo Gatti…wrestling legend Captain Lou Albano…infomercial king Billy Mays…Vegas headliner Danny Gans…funnyman Dom Deluise…actor David Carradine…King of Pop Michael Jackson…Lynyrd Skynyrd keyboard player Billy Powell…radio voice Paul Harvey…actor Ricardo Montalban…politico Robert Novak…comic Soupy Sales…NFL QB Steve McNair…former host of MTV’s classic game show Remote Control Ken Ober…newsman Walter Cronkite…actor/singer Al Martino (Johnny Fontaine in The Godfather)…sportscaster Harry Kalas…former NBA coach Chuck Daly…baseball player and famous brother Dom Dimaggio…actress Brittany Murphy…jazz saxophonist and former NBA player Wayman Tisdale…Cincinnati Bengals WR and former WV Mountaineer Chris Henry…evangelist Oral Roberts…and impressionist Fred Travalena

The Sammy Claus Wish List

Being Sammy Claus is kind of like being Frank Sinatra Jr. or the Vice-President…it’s a nice name that wields no real authority. However, in hopes that the real Santa may take a break from supervising the elves and doing important flight prep by surfing The Internet and being a faithful reader of The Manofesto, I have prepared my own list. Go ahead Big Guy…check it twice, verify who has been naughty or nice. But I am pretty sure my own reconnaissance has been thorough and you’ll find everything here in order. And since it is better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35) I am not asking for anything myself…well, atleast not much. My focus here is on the needs and desires of others.

 

The Marshall Thundering Herd…..a new football coach that will lead my alma mater’s gladiators of the gridiron back to the success we had in the 1990’s. I grant you there was some good fortune back then with future NFL players Chad Pennington, Troy Brown, Randy Moss, and Byron Leftwich…and there may have even been some minor cheating. But there’s nothing that says that level of achievement cannot be attained again and more future pro caliber players can’t make a stop in Huntington.


John & Kate and Heidi & Spencer…..sterility and a complete lack of media coverage


The Economy…..tax cuts & job growth. I know it’s a long shot with a socialist President and a liberal Congress, but we’ll deal with those issues in the coming years.


Kanye West…..the most spectacular career crash and burn of all time!!


The WV Mountaineers…..a new special teams coach. I have softened my stance on canning head coach Bill Stewart, but Stew doubles as the special teams coach and it hasn’t worked. A 9-3 finish was surprisingly decent given the lack of energy, skill, and discipline shown at times this season, but a few special teams plays probably cost the Eers atleast 1, possibly 2 additional victories.


The Republican Party…..a triumphant return to conservative values and the emergence of a formidable group of candidates for the 2012 Presidential campaign. Unfortunately I am not talking about Sarah Palin, who is damaged goods and I believe unelectable.


Adam Lambert…..irrelevance. Really dude, get the hell off my TV.


Myself, The Owl, Greg, Sealey, and Slack…..a memorable and dare I say legen…wait for it…wait for it…dary trip to Vegas this summer. This is the year gentlemen. Seriously…I mean it this time!!


Ford Motor Company…..continued success as a non-government run business


Michael Jackson’s children…..a happy, healthy, normal life while enjoying the boatload of cash your freak of a father left you


Carrie Underwood…..the love of a good man…a man that is single, has his own blog, and lives in northcentral WV. Call me. Please.


Algore…..complete , irrefutable, 100% proof that global warming is poppycock


Susan Boyle…..a musical repertoire that goes beyond I Dreamed A Dream


Coach Rich Fraudriguez…..continued ineptitude and complete failure not only at Michigan but wherever you go and in whatever you do professionally and personally. You are the lowest form of excrement the human race has ever produced and not worthy of sharing the same oxygen as even the most vile and wicked piece of dung imaginable.


Universal Health Care…..complete and total defeat


Tiger Woods…..a case of condoms, a good lawyer, and a full time chauffeur


David Letterman…..cancellation


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi…..facial movement. Seriously lady, lay off the botox.


Tim Tebow, soon-to-be former Florida Gators QB…..a case of tissues, because the crying will likely continue at the NFL Draft and on into your rookie season there when you figure out you’re really not THAT good (as if Alabama didn’t drive that point home already)


Jay Leno…..better ratings


Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, & Glen Beck…..continued success teaching the masses about conservatism


Phil Mickelson…..success in overtaking that dirtbag Tiger Woods as the worlds #1 golfer

Random Thoughts 1

  • Have you ever noticed that when you are trying to be the most quiet is when you are apt to make the most noise??
  • I’m usually a BIG sucker for the underdog unless one of my favorite teams (Pittsburgh Steelers, Pittsburgh Pirates, Marshall Thundering Herd, WV Mountaineers) are playing. But for some reason I get immense pleasure out of seeing the greatest golfer in the world, Tiger Woods, kick ass and take names.
  • When someone uses terms like “that’s crazy” or “that’s wild” or the 70’s term “far out” during a conversation, it basically means they’ve tuned you out and no longer have any interest in what you’re saying.
  • It’s funny how George W. Bush was CRUCIFIED for not reacting fast enough to Hurricane Katrina but NO ONE is criticizing Hussein Obama for not sending in the cavalry to save Fargo. I guess there aren’t enough minorities in the Dakotas.
  • An early opinion of Jimmy Fallon’s late night talk show  –  Ehhhh…..it’s okay. He’s pleasant enough. It’s certainly not must see TV. But let us remember, Conan O’Brien really sucked when he first started but eventually found his comfort zone. Besides, what does one expect at 12:30 at night, Shakespeare??
  • I really like root beer.
  • The NCAA basketball tournament hasn’t really frosted my cupcake this year.
  • I don’t care what political party you support or what your opinion is on various issues…if the government taking over private businesses like General Motors or forcing private citizens to give back earned bonus moneys like in the case of AIG doesn’t scare the living daylights out of you then you’re crazy.