Merry Christmas Manoverse!! I have to believe there are some seriously hardcore fans that have been watching Christmas Day NFL games the past couple of years, because there are THREE of them this year. Now, I don’t mind, because we did our family thing last week so my yuletide clam bake will be spent in solitude, firmly ensconced in my humble yet cozy abode. Three football games interspersed with Ralphie Parker and whatever other movies might be on will help me quell loneliness, despair, and memories of what I’ve lost, but surely not everyone’s life is so empty & meaningless?? Are the NFL & their television partners taking a serious gamble?? We’ll see. At any rate, for those who will be making merry with a house full of people, please enjoy every second and take nothing for granted. To the ones who understand my perspective, just know that you are seen. Other folks do get it. Never forget the real Reason for the Season, which should provide even the most melancholy a measure of joy.
Observations from Last Week:
I wonder how much of Alabama’s athletic budget goes to officiating crews 🤔.
Can we dispense with whole idiotic idea of gifting Group of Five teams a spot in the CFP…please?? Notre Dame, Texas, BYU, and Vanderbilt all would’ve put up a better first round fight.
I should’ve known Oregon would take their foot off the gas in the 4th quarter 🙄. They certainly made alot of folks quite happy, while screwing over a bunch of others. IYKYK.
Packers backup QB Malik Willis could be an intriguing option for quarterback needy teams this offseason.
Am I imagining it, or are more players going down with torn ACLs & other similar injuries than ever before??
My Season: 50-61
Zach’s Season: 53-58
Detroit (-6) at Minnesota
Even as a Steelers fan I can admit that had to be a tough loss to swallow for Detroit. At 8-7 the Lions are hanging by a thread as far the playoffs go. Needless to say this is a must win. Conversely, the 7-8 Vikings might be experiencing a bit of buyer’s remorse when it comes to quarterback JJ McCarthy, their first round pick in the 2024 Draft. The kid might have the potential to be good if he could ever stay on the field. He’s injured…again…which means Minnesota isn’t winning the game. It’s a 4:30pm kick on Thursday, which is probably right around the time most happy families will be eating their Christmas dinner. But don’t worry Netflix…I’ll be watching. Zach agrees with my assessment.
My Pick: Detroit
Zach’s Pick: Detroit
Denver (-13) at Kansas City
This game probably looked really good to the folks at Amazon Video not too long ago, but unfortunately for them alot of things can go straight to Hell in a month. Despite their loss to Jacksonville, the 12-3 Broncos are still looking to be the AFC’s top seed and get that first round bye. Conversely, Andy Reid’s Chiefs will miss the postseason for the first time in a decade, and they’ll be starting someone named Chris Oladokun at quarterback. I wish TBS/TNT could add another couple of hours onto their A Christmas Story marathon. Zach understands that KC is a dumpster fire, but believes they’ll find a way to remain competitive.
My Pick: Denver
Zach’s Pick: Kansas City
Jacksonville (-6.5) at Indianapolis
The fickle hand of fate has really bent the NFL over and violated it this season. The Colts were going to win their division easily, but then they had to raid an orphanage and take two dozen kids’ elderly Daddy away from them during the holidays to solve a quarterback dilemma, losing six of the last seven games in the process. Meanwhile, the 11-4 Jags have quietly snuck down the chimney and stolen the AFC South. They’re still in the mix for the #1 seed & first round bye, but some things have to fall their way. Thankfully this is just a prosaic 1pm Sunday kickoff, because it probably won’t be much fun to watch if you don’t have RedZone. Zach appreciates what Philip Rivers has tried to do for Indy, but he believes the favorites will get the job done.
My Pick: Jacksonville
Zach’s Pick: Jacksonville
Philadelphia at Buffalo (-2)
This was my preseason Super Bowl matchup, and it could still happen. The 11-4 Bills are in a battle with the surprising New England Patriots for the AFC East, and probably need to win both of their final two games. Philly’s road has been bumpy at times, but at 10-5 they’ve already wrapped up their division and would need too many dominoes to align perfectly to grab the NFC’s top seed, which seems unlikely. Essentially, all of the pressure is on Buffalo, especially with the home field. I think it’ll be tight, but with high expectations I believe in Josh Allen to get the job done…for now. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Buffalo
Zach’s Pick: Buffalo
LA Rams (-8.5) at Atlanta
Are the 11-4 Rams the most overlooked team in the league?? Shockingly, the answer might be yes. Despite a heartbreaking overtime loss in Seattle last week, Los Angeles still has a path to the division title and the conference’s top seed, although I don’t expect that to happen. On the other end of the spectrum, the 6-9 Falcons are the football equivalent of Bull Durham’s Crash Davis, when it is said “you have to respect a ballplayer who’s just trying to finish the season”. Atlanta has won two in a row, and they won’t go away quietly on Monday night. Can they play the spoiler role?? I think they’ll give it a damn fine try, which means that m-a-y-b-e they lose by 7-ish points. Zach doesn’t have as much faith in the home team as I do and foresees a big win for the Rams.
I cannot imagine the complexity of putting together the NFL schedule. There are so many moving parts. A multitude of factors affect what we’re seeing on the field, very few of which can be anticipated months earlier by those constructing the lineup. Things are much more complicated than when I was a kid. Back then you had a set of 1pm games on Sunday, followed by the 4pm games, and then a game on Monday night (which began in 1970). The NFL had 28 teams who each played 16 games. Bye weeks weren’t a thing as long as the league had an even number of teams, but became standard in 1990. These days there are 32 teams, not to mention an 18 week schedule during which each team plays 17 games. Thursday games, which had previously been a once a year event on Thanksgiving, became a regular part of the schedule in 2006. Sunday night games began in 1987. International games on Sunday morning have been a growing trend in recent years. Instead of dealing with three broadcast partners…NBC, CBS, & ABC…the NFL now has relationships with CBS, ABC/ESPN, Fox, NBC, Amazon, and its own NFL Network & RedZone, which sometimes gets shafted with eight games in the early window and only three in the late window. I pontificate on all of this as I sit here watching the nondescript 8-2 Patriots take on the hapless 2-7 Jets, knowing full well that if I had anything else intriguing going on in my life I wouldn’t be wasting my time.
Observations from Last Week:
I was right when I said I might not have all the information about BYU/Texas Tech. The oddsmakers clearly knew something most of us didn’t, and we should’ve paid attention.
Fernando Mendoza, Jeremiah Smith, Diego Pavia, and Jeremiyah Love…those should be the Heisman favorites.
Sadly, it feels like we are THIS close to QB sacks being legislated out of the game, with all quarterbacks eventually wearing flags that defenders will have to pull off of them.
The dismissal of Brian Daboll as NY Giants head coach is hardly surprising, yet I can’t help but feel the decision is shortsighted. It’ll be interesting to track Daboll’s career as well as the Giants’ success (or lack thereof) in the next few years.
Aaron Rodgers looked old, slow, and totally befuddled in the Steelers loss on Sunday night.
My Season: 36-28
Zach’s Season: 25-39
Minnesota at Oregon (-23.5)
Okay, so the Ducks are an 8-1 Top Ten team whose only loss came against Indiana, and there’s no shame in that. Conversely, the Gophers are 6-3 but just had to go into overtime to dispatch 3-6 Michigan St. The home team WILL win this game. That being said, the points are a bit much for me. I believe Oregon wins by only three TDs. Zach is a bit hesitant considering the points, but he has decided to roll the dice on the home favorites. This is a rare Friday night treat on Fox, although I will be out on the town and probably won’t get to see the first half.
My Pick: Minnesota
Zach’s Pick: Oregon
Wisconsin at Indiana (-30.5)
Holy schneikes, what a freakin’ victory for the Hoosiers last weekend over Penn St.!! However, as much fun as it was, and as much as we get caught up in the excitement, I can’t overlook the fact that it shouldn’t have been that close. Indiana is undoubtedly the real deal, but forgive me if I can’t jump onboard with a 30+ point spread in favor of a team that just got pushed to the absolute limit by an opponent with a backup QB & an interim head coach. The 3-6 Badgers are a total dumpster fire, and Ohio St. did beat them 34-0 a few weeks ago, but The Vibes are telling me that the home favorites will have just a little bit of a letdown this week. Obviously they’ll still win, but look for something along the lines of 27-7. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Wisconsin
Zach’s Pick: Wisconsin
Iowa at Southern California (-6.5)
I still can’t wrap my head around this being a Big Ten conference game 😂. Realignment is so damn stupid. At any rate, the 7-2 Trojans have looked much better thus far after a couple of mediocre seasons. QB Jayden Maiava has an opportunity to be special. Meanwhile, the 6-3 Hawkeyes aren’t bad, but they’ve struggled against elite talent. I hope it’s an entertaining game. I think Iowa will be competitive. However, at the end of the day I think the favorites will defend their home turf in an ultimately anticlimactic game. Zach disagrees. He thinks Iowa can maintain some control with special teams, defense, and field position, predicting that whoever wins will do so by less than six points.
My Pick: USC
Zach’s Pick: Iowa
Texas at Georgia (-6)
I’m sure the TV folks over at ABC were salivating when they first saw this matchup on their schedule, and to be fair it is still a battle of two Top Ten programs in the hunt for an SEC title. Having said that, it is undeniable that other teams have stolen the proverbial thunder to some degree. Even at 7-2 and coming off an unsurprising yet impressive victory over Vanderbilt, this is a must win for the Longhorns. The 8-1 Bulldogs are in a marginally better position, but that September loss to Alabama leaves them no margin for error. This is essentially an elimination game, with the winner still chasing the conference title, while the loser will likely be on the outside looking in when the playoff rolls around. If you’re a conspiracy theorist you could opine that this was the plan all along – Texas has a good but not great season, everyone stops yapping about Arch Manning, the kid returns to school next year instead of going to the NFL, and The Prodigal Nephew fulfills his destiny in 2026. I don’t know if any of that is true, but it’s a cool story, right?? Anyway, I think Georgia is a slightly better team with the home field advantage. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Georgia
Carolina at Atlanta (-3.5)
Allow me to reiterate…Bryce Young ain’t it. Occasionally the 5-5 Panthers show signs of being a legit NFL team, but then they prove that any momentary faith their fanbase may have had is misguided. Meanwhile, the 3-6 Falcons are truly perplexing, because Michael Penix Jr. does have all the tools to become a good pro quarterback. Atlanta could just as easily be 6-3, but the ball hasn’t bounced their way despite Penix having receiver Drake London, RB Bijan Robinson, and tight end Kyle Pitts at his disposal. I hope head coach Raheem Morris is renting his house in Atlanta. As far as this game goes, I expect that the home favorites will have just enough to snag a close victory marred by turnovers, penalties, and general embarrassment. Zach thinks the Falcons defense is a difference maker.
My Pick: Atlanta
Zach’s Pick: Atlanta
Houston (-7.5) at Tennessee
No one is catching the Colts in the AFC South, but the winner of this game would certainly remain in the wildcard conversation. The 4-5 Texans just can’t catch a break. If they could ever field a healthy squad of their best players I feel like they might be a legit contender. The Titans have potential, but are probably a few years & atleast one (perhaps two) more coaching changes away from fulfilling it. Can interim head coach Mike McCoy make a case for being hired permanently?? We’ll see. These teams met at the end of September, with Houston winning 26-0. It’ll probably be slightly closer this time, with the same outcome. Zach is going with a surprising upset, but also offers a hot take, that perhaps Cam Ward is neither Tennessee’s quarterback of the future or even destined to be a star QB in the NFL.
My Pick: Houston
Zach’s Pick: Tennessee
Seattle at LA Rams (-3)
Are we overlooking the Rams?? I think perhaps we’ve been guilty of exactly that. The only two blemishes on their record are at Philadelphia and a home loss to San Francisco in overtime. 37 year old QB Matthew Stafford is getting League MVP buzz, which is obviously premature but shouldn’t be totally disregarded. Not to be outdone, the Seahawks are also 7-2, which is remarkable considering the makeover they went thru in the offseason. They lost to ‘Frisco & Tampa Bay by a total of six points. It might be the best game of the weekend, and I simply can’t go against the home favorites. The margin of victory might be less than a touchdown, but a win is a win. Zach believes Seattle is hitting their stride and thinks they’ll have an advantage in a low scoring defensive struggle.
My Pick: LA Rams
Zach’s Pick: Seattle
Dallas (-3.5) at Las Vegas
I really thought QB Geno Smith would be a great fit for the Raiders, but at 2-7 it looks like not only will Vegas be ready for a new signal caller, but they’ll be nicely positioned in the draft to get one. At 35 years of age I don’t know if Smith will have any suitors after this season, unless a team is looking for a veteran backup. Things aren’t any better for the 3-5-1 Cowboys, whose lackluster defense could singlehandedly revive Geno Smith’s season. We all know the biggest problem in Dallas is the old dude sitting up in the luxury box, and that isn’t changing anytime soon. The crowd in Sin City will be ready to rock, and the Monday Night Football crew will present it as a much bigger game than it is. Maybe I’m being guided by my feelings instead of my brain, but I’m hoping for the visitors to suffer a humiliating upset. Zach is making the smart choice, picking Dallas to win a blowout.
I am skipping a verbose preamble today. We’re doing a healthy amount of bonus picks, so I’d rather focus on that. It’s finally autumn if you’re into that sorta thing, so throw on some flannel, grab a pumpkin flavored beverage, and enjoy two guys who’d be destitute if we did this for money act like we know stuff about football.
My Season: 13-9
Zach’s Season: 6-16
Auburn at Texas A&M (-6.5)
The Tigers are 3-1, hoping to bounce back from a tough loss to Oklahoma, and possibly looking ahead to a winnable game against Georgia next week. The 3-0 Aggies are a Top Ten team coming out of a bye week. The points bother me a little, but I think College Station provides a formidable home field advantage. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Texas A&M
Zach’s Pick: Texas A&M
Appalachian State at Boise State (-17.5)
Thru the years they’ve both been elite 1-AA/FCS programs, and now they’re both well respected “Group of Five” teams. The 2-1 Broncos will step into a revamped Pac 12 next year, but for now remain focused on winning their seventh Mountain West crown in 15 years, which would be a three-peat. The 2-1 Mountaineers would like to position themselves as contenders in the Sun Belt, a conference they haven’t won since 2019 after capturing four consecutive titles. These teams only met on the gridiron once, and that was more than three decades ago, which is a shame because I feel like it could’ve been a fun rivalry. I’d love to see App. St. be competitive, but on the infamous blue turf against a team with legit NFL talent that seems like a tall order. Conversely, Zach feels like the underdogs have what it takes to hang in there and keep it respectable.
My Pick: Boise St.
Zach’s Pick: Appalachian St.
Alabama at Georgia (-3.5)
It is absolutely hysterical that ESPN passed up an opportunity to bring Gameday to this matchup for the 12th time in 23 years. I guess the 2-1 Tide and the 3-0 Bulldogs just aren’t as elite as they used to be. Georgia had to go to overtime to beat Tennessee last week, while ‘Bama is still trying to figure out how in the hell they lost to Florida St. in the season opener. Alabama leads the all time series 44-26-4 and have won 9 out of the last 10 meetings, but I have to lean toward the home team defending their turf and winning by a touchdown. Zach doesn’t foresee it being that competitive, predicting the Dawgs to win a blowout.
My Pick: Georgia
Zach’s Pick: Georgia
Oregon at Penn State (-3.5)
Okay, so…the winner might end up sharing the Big Ten lead with Southern Cal 👀. Conference realignment is bizarre. The unbeaten Ducks have looked virtually unstoppable, but they are definitely stepping up to better competition than they’ve faced thus far. To be honest I haven’t paid much attention to the undefeated Nittany Lions, but my sources indicate that they’ve steamrolled lesser opponents as well. “Experts” say Penn St. QB Drew Allar will be a first round NFL Draft pick, but then again so were Sam Bradford & Trey Lance. I believe Oregon is simply faster & more athletic overall, and they should win by double digits…something like 28-17. Zach sees Oregon as perhaps the best team in the country and doesn’t have any faith in Nittany Lions’ head coach James Franklin to win a big game.
My Pick: Oregon
Zach’s Pick: Oregon
Philadelphia (-3) at Tampa Bay
The defending Super Bowl Champions are 3-0 and haven’t shown any signs of a letdown. Jalen Hurts might be the most versatile QB in the league, but the defense probably needs to kick things up a notch or two. Meanwhile, the 3-0 Bucs could just as easily be 0-3, but they’re a gritty bunch. It’ll be a fun game, yet, at the end of the day, I’d be surprised if Philly doesn’t score a comfortable victory. Zach is all in on Tampa QB Baker Mayfield and thinks he’ll lead his squad to a dramatic triumph.
My Pick: Philadelphia
Zach’s Pick: Tampa Bay
Jacksonville at San Francisco (-3.5)
I underestimated the 49ers, who have gotten off to a 3-0 start despite being riddled with injuries. It hasn’t been easy, and things could certainly change, but so far so good. The Jags feel like one of those teams that’ll always battle and rarely get embarrassed, but fall just short more often than they find a path to victory. The final score will probably make it look closer than it was in reality, with the home favorites winning by 5-10 points. Zach opines “the Jags are the Jags”. That says it all, doesn’t it??
My Pick: San Francisco
Zach’s Pick: San Francisco
Indianapolis at LA Rams (-3.5)
While I underestimated the Jags, I flat out disrespected the Colts. Who knew that Daniel Jones would look like a legit first round caliber quarterback simply by changing his address?? That being said, the Rams might be the best team Indy has faced, and they’re probably not too happy about the way they lost to Philly, a game they had a real opportunity to win. Los Angeles has a Top 5 rated defense, which I think will rise to the occasion in the 4th quarter. Zach predicts that Daniel Jones will suddenly look like…well, Daniel Jones, and that’s not good news for the visitors.
My Pick: LA Rams
Zach’s Pick: LA Rams
Baltimore (-2.5) at Kansas City
Many “experts” thought this might be an AFC title game preview. It still could be, but right now it’s a battle between two teams in last place in their division. The 1-2 Chiefs look like a subpar cover band version of the team that has played in three consecutive Super Bowls, winning two of them. The 1-2 Ravens could be sitting at 3-0, but the ball just hasn’t bounced their way. I suspect we’ll see both teams rebound and go on a tear later on in the season, but right now they are just trying to survive. I like the home field for KC, and believe we’ll see them begin to figure things out against a tough opponent. Zach urges Chiefs fans not to give up on their team and believes they’ll be in contention when it really matters. He’s a big Andy Reid fan and foresees Travis Kelce finally having a big game.
My Pick: Kansas City
Zach’s Pick: Kansas City
Green Bay (-6.5) at Dallas
I suppose this is the Micah Parsons Bowl. Jerry Jones is one of the worst owners in professional sports, because how many other team owners are also the general manager?? Trading Parsons was idiotic, but if it had to be done Jones could’ve atleast sent the disgruntled pass rusher to the AFC. At any rate, the 2-1 Packers should be PISSED about last week’s fourth quarter implosion that led to ten unanswered points & a walkoff field goal victory for the Cleveland Browns. The 1-2 Cowboys simply haven’t looked right in any way, and now they’ll be without receiver CeeDee Lamb, who is sidelined with a high ankle sprain. This is the Sunday night game on NBC, but I’m sure league & network suits are regretting that right now. Green Bay will win, and it probably won’t be that close. Zach thinks QB Jordan Love will have a big game and lead his team to a huge win.
Just when I was kinda sorta almost getting amped up for the return of football, news emerged of ESPN gobbling up the NFL Network & RedZone. I was upset last year when RedZone abandoned their “seven hours of commercial free football” tradition, although if I’m being honest the commercials were sprinkled in unobtrusively. However, ESPN (or, if we’re keeping it 100, Disney) tends to ruin perfectly great things with their meddling. I still haven’t forgiven them for canceling Mike & Mike in the Morning eight years ago. Disney…which is also now in bed with WWE…has become a greedy monster gobbling up everything in sight, and the fans pay the price. Anyway, I suppose further changes won’t occur until next season, so we’ll forge ahead as usual for now. As always, I’ll remind you that I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about sometimes, so please…no wagering.
North
Detroit Lions (15-2) 11-6
Green Bay Packers (11-6) 10-7
Minnesota Vikings (14-3) 9-8
Chicago Bears (5-12) 8-9
I’m so tired of talking heads slobbering all over Bears’ QB Caleb Williams, using words like “generational”. No, he’s not. He’s just another guy. In three years, if I am wrong, I will admit my error and ask for mercy. At this point though, I don’t believe Williams will be much more successful than predecessors like Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, or Jay Cutler. Chicago does have a new head coach though. Former Lions’ offensive coordinator Ben Johnson is getting his crack at a top job, and if anyone can prove me wrong about Williams it’s probably him. I like Vikings’ QB JJ McCarthy, but he is essentially a rookie after missing all of last season with a knee injury. The Vikes added some pieces on defense & bolstered their offensive line. Having said that, we probably need to show a bit of grace while McCarthy becomes acclimated to the NFL. Despite the presence of elite receiver Justin Jefferson, a solid running back group, and one of the best tight ends in the league in TJ Hockenson, I foresee a significant dropoff from a year ago. The Packers are being overlooked a bit, which might work in their favor. Jordan Love enters his third year as the starting quarterback, but he’s going to need more consistency from a deep & talented group of receivers, and their Top 5 defense has to maintain that level of intensity. Detroit’s defense was ravaged by injuries last year, and former defensive coordinator Aaron Glenn has moved on to be the head coach of the NY Jets. How will their offense adjust after the departure of Ben Johnson?? That’ll be the key to the entire season. I expect a small regression, but it’ll be worth it if they have a deeper playoff run.
South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-7) 9-8
Atlanta Falcons (8-9) 9-8
Carolina Panthers (5-12) 6-11
New Orleans Saints (5–12) 6-11
While I don’t believe Bucs’ QB Baker Mayfield is worthy of being discussed alongside the league’s elite signal callers, I do think he has earned a spot on the second tier. A season ago that translated into a division title & a first round postseason exit, which is probably their ceiling once again. All eyes will be on Michael Penix Jr., now entrenched as the Falcons’ quarterback. Of course they also retained Kirk Cousins, whose services weren’t sought by any other team given his robust salary. Tight end Kyle Pitts has got to live up to his potential, and Atlanta’s defense, which ranked in the bottom third of the NFL last season, must kick it up a notch. The Panthers & Saints are spinning their wheels. New Orleans hired Kellen Moore to be their head coach, which may pay dividends in the future, but right now they simply have too many holes on the roster. I have come to the conclusion that the Panthers are football’s version of the Pittsburgh Pirates. They hire the wrong people, make bad decisions, and can’t evaluate talent properly. Their biggest issue is likely ownership, which won’t change until it does.
East
Philadelphia Eagles (14-3) 12-5
Dallas Cowboys (7-10) 10-7
Washington Commanders (12-5) 10-7
New York Giants (3-14) 6-11
Winning back-to-back Super Bowls is rare, but has been done as recently as the year before last. The Eagles have appeared in three Super Bowls since 2017, winning two. There has been some turnover on defense, but getting younger might not be a bad thing. Key free agents departed on both sides of the ball, yet, as long as Jalen Hurts is under center, he has his full complement of receivers, and Saquon Barkley is toting the rock, I see no reason to doubt Philly just yet. Brian Schottenheimer is now the head coach in Dallas, a change I’ve been predicting for a couple of years. Expect the Cowboys to rebound from a disappointing season and challenge Philadelphia for the division crown…assuming sack monster Micah Parsons gets paid. The Commanders will be right there in the mix as well, although QB Jayden Daniels won’t be sneaking up on anyone anymore. Does that mean Washington won’t be successful?? No…but I believe they’ll take a step back for now, especially if issues with receiver Terry McLaurin aren’t resolved satisfactorily. I actually like some of the things the Giants have done, but until Jaxon Dart supplants Russell Wilson behind center and young studs on defense gain experience there won’t be any postseason games at MetLife Stadium.
West
Los Angeles Rams (10-7) 10-7
Arizona Cardinals (8-9) 9-8
San Francisco 49ers (6-11) 9-8
Seattle Seahawks (10-7) 8-9
The Seahawks are almost unrecognizable. There’s a whole new offensive coaching staff, and Sam Darnold replaces Geno Smith at quarterback. Many will view that as an upgrade, but I’m not so sure. Receivers DK Metcalf & Tyler Lockett are gone, with former Ram Cooper Kupp stepping in as the new second receiver behind Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Seattle was a middle-of-the-pack defense last year, but with so many changes no one knows what to expect now. I don’t think the NIners will be as terrible as they were a year ago, but their defense was certainly impacted in free agency. Time will tell if draft picks pan out, and in the meantime alot is riding on the further development of QB Brock Purdy & the always unstable health of RB Christian McCaffrey. I don’t have much more faith in Cards’ QB Kyler Murray than I do Caleb Williams, but if receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. continues his ascent that’ll help. Arizona’s braintrust seemed to focus on a defensive rebuild this offseason, so we’ll see how that works out. I don’t think winning their second consecutive division title will be easy for the Rams, and I’m a little concerned about the health of QB Matthew Stafford, but the defense should be sneaky good enough to narrowly win the division.
My Steelers have been the talk of the offseason. Will they be terrible or will they be mediocre?? I believe that’s called damning with faint praise. Enigmatic Aaron Rodgers will be the quarterback, and he’ll be throwing mostly to DK Metcalf, who I see as an upgrade after George Pickens yapped his way out of town. He’s Jerry Jones’ problem now. Pass rusher TJ Watt got paid, and I have no doubt he’ll earn it. The running game looks different with rookie Kaleb Johnson & Jaylen Warren sharing duties after the departure of former first round bust Najee Harris. For the first time in several years I have good vibes about the offensive line & secondary. Everything seems to be held together by duct tape & prayer in Pittsburgh, which won’t get them to the Super Bowl but also hopefully means I won’t spend the next several months curled up in a dark room muttering to myself, as I assume Browns fans have been doing for decades. First of all, Cleveland’s quarterback room is unintentionally hilarious. Secondly, Myles Garrett is not the best defensive player in the NFL. Look on the bright side though…the Cavaliers are pretty good, and the Guardians ain’t half bad either. The division belongs to Baltimore, who’ve become the AFC’s Dallas Cowboys tribute band. No one doubts they’ll be successful in the regular season, but everyone assumes they’ll screw the pooch in the playoffs. Can the Bengals be a fly in the ointment?? Joe Burrow is a top notch quarterback. He has solid weapons, although if I were the GM I’d be looking for upgrades in the backfield & at tight end in the next draft. However, Cincy’s defense ranked in the bottom third of the league last season, and that was with pass rusher Trey Hendrickson in the lineup. If his holdout continues it’s a huge problem, and even if he plays there are other issues.
South
Houston Texans (10-7) 9-8
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-13) 8-9
Indianapolis Colts (8-9) 7-10
Tennessee Titans (3-14) 6-11
Which teams will improve and which teams will regress?? The Texans have a target on their back and tweaked their team just a bit. There are some new coaches on offense and a revamped offensive line. Quarterback CJ Stroud’s QBR dropped from 53.2 during his rookie season to 50.2 last year, while his passer rating dropped from 100.8 to 87. He has to be better. The Colts will choose between QBs Anthony Richardson & Daniel Jones, which is like having drunk munchies at 3am and your best options are the container of Chinese food that’s been in your fridge for a week or risking a DUI to grab some Taco Bell. Jonathan Taylor is only 26 years old & one of the best RBs in football when healthy, and I really like first round draft pick Tyler Warren, who has elite tight end potential. Indy ranked 29th in total defense a season ago, and I don’t know if they did enough to improve significantly. #1 overall pick Cam Ward has an opportunity to be a special QB for the Titans, but it’ll take a couple of years to build a competitive roster around him. The Jags brought in former Tampa Bay offensive coordinator Liam Coen to be their new head coach and drafted unicorn Travis Hunter, who will allegedly play WR & CB. I like receiver Brian Thomas, and there are some dawgs on defense, but everything in Jacksonville is contingent upon QB Trevor Lawrence rebounding from an injury plagued season during which he only played in ten games.
East
Buffalo Bills (13-4) 14-3
Miami Dolphins (8-9) 9-8
New England Patriots (4-13) 7-10
New York Jets (5-12) 7-10
There is no question that the Bills will win the division easily. Their focus is solely on solving recent playoff woes & playing in February. The Dolphins moved some chess pieces around, but I don’t believe their team is any better or worse than last season. QB Tua Tagovailoa only played in 11 games a year ago, and it seems like further concussion issues could seriously jeopardize his career. Patriots QB Drake Maye comes into his second season surrounded by a team that has undergone a significant transformation. Former linebacker & Titans head coach Mike Vrabel now runs the show for the franchise he won three Super Bowls with, and offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels returns home after realizing he’s not really cut out to be a head coach. Things are looking up in New England, but let’s give them another year before raising expectations. The Jets are the Jets. I know there is some buzz around new quarterback Justin Fields, but I’ve never understood the hype. Former cornerback Aaron Glenn is the Jets’ fifth head coach in the past decade, and unfortunately I don’t think he’ll achieve much more than his last few predecessors.
West
Kansas City Chiefs (15-2) 12-5
Los Angeles Chargers (11-6) 10-7
Denver Broncos (10-7) 10-7
Las Vegas Raiders (4-13) 7-10
Have the Chiefs plateaued?? Can they make a fourth consecutive Super Bowl appearance?? I don’t believe it’ll be easy, but as long as Andy Reid is coaching and QB Patrick Mahomes remains healthy with no prominent erosion of his skills it’s too soon to dismiss KC. Having said that, I do think Jim Harbaugh’s Chargers will make things interesting. RB Najee Harris was a bust in Pittsburgh, and he’ll probably cede the starting gig to first rounder Omarion Hampton, but together they could be a formidable duo. A couple of receivers really need to step up for QB Justin Herbert, and the 11th ranked defense has to keep improving. A year ago I underestimated the skills of QB Bo Nix, but he showed alot of potential while leading the Broncos to the playoffs. Denver is probably looking at a very similar season in a really competitive division. I really like the Raiders trading for QB Geno Smith, who should be a significant upgrade over the potpourri of mediocrity that held the job the past couple of years. Super Bowl winning head coach Pete Carroll has also come out of retirement to lead the charge, which is oddly encouraging. With the addition of first round RB Ashton Jeanty & continued growth of tight end Brock Bowers there are signs of hope in Vegas, but their middle of the pack defense has to improve or they’ll continue to lose more games than they win.
I’m not a numbers guy. Math has never been my thing. Having said that, the symmetry in our numbers heading into the final week is kind of cool, given the fact that it was mostly unplanned. I knew I had a significant lead and it’d be tough for Zach to catch up, but I am a gentleman and had decided that we’d do bonus picks since it is our finale and it makes RedZone that much more entertaining. There is no Thursday or Monday game, so with the exception of two games on Saturday and an epic Sunday night battle all the action will be on Sunday afternoon. I hope Scott Hanson eats his Wheaties and gets plenty of sleep the night before. At any rate, we were both 3-2 last weekend, and with all but the CFP National Championship to be played Zach is 3-6 in our bowl picks while I am 5-4. What that means is that even if I lose every remaining pick I cannot slip below .500, while Zach could tie me if I lose every pick while he wins all of them. Realistically that won’t happen for a variety of reasons, but it’s amusing to view things mathematically.
My Season: 68-56
Zach’s Season: 57-67
Houston at Indianapolis (-1.5)
The winner will be in the playoffs, while the loser begins their offseason program. When they met in Week 2 in Houston the Colts won pretty easily, but that feels like a lifetime ago. The Texans are clearly on an upward trajectory and I foresee a rather comfortable victory. Conversely, Zach likes RB Jonathan Taylor to lead the Colts rushing attack, enabling them to win with ball control.
My Pick: Houston
Zach’s Pick: Indianapolis
Cleveland at Cincinnati (-4.5)
There’s nothing at stake in the Battle of Ohio except pride & momentum. The Browns are playoff bound and locked into the 5th seed, which means they’ll probably face the winner of the AFC South. The Bengals will miss the playoffs after being in the AFC title game a year ago. Do the Browns rest their starters?? Probably. Is that enough for Cincy to finish their disappointing season on high note?? I think so. Zach believes in Cleveland’s new starting QB Joe Flacco and thinks he’ll have another big game.
My Pick: Cincinnati
Zach’s Pick: Cleveland
Atlanta at New Orleans (-4)
The winner could actually capture a division title…or be out of the playoffs altogether. If Tampa wins this game is meaningless, but if they lose then the winner here gets a trip to the postseason. The Falcons got a home win the first time these teams met a month ago, but I don’t believe they can replicate that success on the road. Zach thinks QB Derek Carr will lead New Orleans to a big win.
My Pick: New Orleans
Zach’s Pick: New Orleans
Jacksonville (-3.5) at Tennessee
The Titans can only play the role of spoiler. If the Jags win they secure a division title, and if they lose they’ll need a couple other dominoes to fall the right way to sneak into the 7th playoff seed. Jacksonville won easily when the two teams met in November, but that was at home. Tennessee now has the home field, though with nothing to play for and rookie QB Will Levis banged up the deck is stacked against them. The favorites will likely have QB Trevor Lawrence back in the lineup, which should be enough. As a Steelers fan I hate it because we need the Jaguars to lose, but I have to be intellectually honest. Zach has faith in the Titans’ rushing attack and thinks they will control time of possession & the line of scrimmage en route to an upset.
My Pick: Jacksonville
Zach’s Pick: Tennessee
Tampa Bay (-5.5) at Carolina
If the Bucs win they’re headed to the postseason as division champs. Lose and they go home. The Panthers are even worse this year than last, but traded away what will now be the #1 overall pick to choose QB Bryce Young in last year’s draft with the top pick. Carolina seems to be a poorly run organization and will need to hit a home run with their next coaching hire. Anything can happen in the NFL, but this feels like a rather low hurdle for Tampa to clear. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Tampa Bay
Zach’s Pick: Tampa Bay
Seattle (-3) at Arizona
The 4-12 Cards are finishing up another miserable season and will spend the next several months asking themselves alot of questions. Conversely, the Seahawks will play in the postseason if they win and the Green Bay Packers lose. Obviously the only thing they can control is what they do, but it might not be as easy as most would assume. Arizona upset Philly on the road last weekend, so can they play that well at home?? Perhaps…but the smart money is on the favorites. Zach opines that QB Geno Smith is playing well right now and believes that’ll be enough.
My Pick: Seattle
Zach’s Pick: Seattle
Dallas (-13.5) at Washington
The Cowboys were gifted a win last weekend by an incompetent officiating crew, and now they can secure a division title with another victory. The Commanders are another team that might be making significant changes in the offseason, but they’d love to finish on a high note by knocking Dallas down a peg. I don’t think that’ll happen, but I do believe it’ll be a surprisingly close game. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Washington
Zach’s Pick: Washington
LA Rams at San Francisco (-3.5)
The Niners have already clinched the NFC’s top seed & a first round bye, so I suspect they’ll sit their starters for all or most of the game. The Rams have clinched a wildcard berth. When these teams met in Los Angeles in Week 2 ‘Frisco won by a touchdown, but much has changed for both teams since then, making comparisons impossible. My vibe is the game means more to the Rams, with the home team having their eyes on a bigger prize. Zach doesn’t believe ‘Frisco will lose even if they rest their best players. They are his Super Bowl favorites.
My Pick: LA Rams
Zach’s Pick: San Francisco
Philadelphia (-6) at NY Giants
The Eagles are playing for a division title despite losing 4 out of their last 5 games. Everyone is trying to figure out what exactly has gone wrong in the past month, and the powers-that-be in that locker room need to fix it quickly. The Giants have really gone off the rails this season and have nothing to play for, but neither do they have anything to lose. I don’t know if Philly can recover their mojo enough to get to another Super Bowl, but I think they’ll find a way to win this game. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Philadelphia
Zach’s Pick: Philadelphia
Buffalo (-3) at Miami
Sunday night has the best game last. The winner will be division champions. The Dolphins are in the playoffs no matter what. The Bills are in with a win, but would need some help if they lose. Miami is battling the injury bug, including the loss of linebacker Bradley Chubb with a torn ACL, which is why the oddsmakers like Buffalo on the road. Everything is pointing toward an emphatic victory for the favorites, but I think the Dolphins are ready to rise up & shock the world. Conversely, Zach likes QB Josh Allen to lead his team on a late, game winning drive.
Zach & I were both 2-3 last weekend. Out of my six fantasy teams only one made the playoffs, so as a fan I’m hanging on by a thread to these picks, my Herd & Mountaineers in pedestrian bowl games, and the 7-6 Steelers, who average a measly 16 points/game & have the 21st ranked offense in the NFL.
My Season: 56-44
Zach’s Season: 48-52
Tampa Bay at Green Bay (-3.5)
The Bucs are 6-7 but in a three way tie for the division lead, almost mirroring the gridlock in the NFC South a season ago. There’s still time for things to shake out the way I predicted, but credit to Tampa for being slightly better than I thought they’d be. Meanwhile, the Packers are struggling as I knew they would. Not only does Green Bay have the advantage of The Frozen Tundra in December, but I think they’re beginning to figure things out and aren’t that far from being a pretty good team. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Green Bay
Zach’s Pick: Green Bay
NY Jets at Miami (-12.5)
The Dolphins suffered a heartbreaking loss to Tennessee last weekend but still sit atop the AFC East. The Jets surprisingly beat the snot out of Houston but still look to be a season or two or perhaps a piece or two from being contenders. I don’t think Miami will have any problem winning, but the points are certainly eye popping. If the Jets play as well this week as they did last week it could be a close game, but I don’t think they can pull that off two weeks in a row. Conversely, the points are just too much for Zach. He likes Miami to get the win but foresees the Jets remaining competitive.
My Pick: Miami
Zach’s Pick: NY Jets
Atlanta (-3) at Carolina
The Falcons are in that NFC South scrum and might be a great quarterback away from being a solid team. The Panthers could earn the top overall pick in the 2024 NFL Draft – too bad they already traded it to the Bears. These are two teams heading down different paths…Carolina is treading water in the pool of mediocrity, while Atlanta looks to be swimming away from choppy waters toward a calmer sea. Zach thinks Desmond Ridder still has an opportunity to be the franchise QB the Falcons need.
My Pick: Atlanta
Zach’s Pick: Atlanta
NY Giants at New Orleans (-6)
The sports media is abuzz over Giants QB Tommy Devito, an undrafted free agent out of Illinois. The team isn’t achieving much, but atleast it’s a cool story. The Saints have the good fortune of playing in a mediocre division so their playoff dreams are very much alive. I believe that kind of hope is a great motivator. Zach thinks it’ll be a tight game and is rolling the dice on the Giants.
My Pick: New Orleans
Zach’s Pick: NY Giants
Washington at LA Rams (-6.5)
The Rams have no shot at winning their division, but are still in contention for a wild card. They’ve also won three out of the last four games and gave the Ravens all they could handle last week before falling in overtime. The Commanders have had some good moments this season, but don’t be surprised if new ownership makes a whole lot of changes in the offseason. I wouldn’t be shocked if the visitors pull off an upset, but the home team has much more on the line. Zach concurs.
I’ve been a proponent of a six team college playoff for a long time, and this season proves my case. We’ll kvetch more about the new 12 team playoff next year (I have my opinions), but clearly four teams were never enough. I feel bad for the Georgia Bulldogs, whose one loss to Alabama in the SEC Championship is certainly no worse than Texas’ October loss to Oklahoma, and especially undefeated Florida State, who did everything right by defeating each opponent they faced but got tossed aside due to an injury to their quarterback. There’s an old adage that says “defense wins championships”, but obviously it’s all about offense in this day & age of football being more of a television spectacle than anything else. The talking heads & committee shills like to prattle on about a team’s “resume” & “body of work”, but really they are captives of the moment, putting much more emphasis on how good (or flawed) a team is right now versus what they were in September. That is a terrible message in my opinion, that what you do at the beginning of the season (good or bad) doesn’t really matter. It’s one area where the NFL is a superior product, because the only thing that matters are the numbers…wins & losses count the same no matter when they occur. At any rate, Zach bested me last week, going 6-4 while I was 5-5. We’re not quite finished with college football though, as I’ve made a decision to change up how we address bowl season. Stay tuned. For now, it’s back to the NFL.
My Season: 54-41
Zach’s Season: 46-49
Detroit (-3) at Chicago
ESPN talking head Chris Berman use to call the NFC North The Norris Division, which is a now obsolete hockey reference. It looks like the 9-3 Lions will cruise to their first division title since 1993. Conversely, Bears fans need to stop trying to make Justin Fields happen. Perhaps he’ll evolve into a serviceable NFL quarterback, but he’s not a superstar and certainly needs a change of scenery. 4-8 Chicago has the home field, but I don’t think it matters. Zach agrees and considers Detroit a Super Bowl favorite.
My Pick: Detroit
Zach’s Pick: Detroit
LA Rams at Baltimore (-7)
I didn’t have high hopes for the Rams coming into the season, although I did opine that it was possible they could figure out what went wrong last year and fix it. At 6-6 the jury is still out, but they have looked decent at times. The 9-3 Ravens are living up to the hype thus far, much to the chagrin of Steeler Nation. With that in mind I have decided to lead with my heart instead of my head. Can the Rams pull off a big upset on the road?? I sure hope so. Conversely, Zach is more objective and considers Baltimore to be another Super Bowl favorite.
My Pick: LA Rams
Zach’s Pick: Baltimore
Seattle at San Francisco (-10.5)
Okay, I was wrong about the Niners’ QB situation. Brock Purdy has a firm grip on the job and his team doesn’t seem to have any prominent weaknesses. It looks like 9-3 ‘Frisco will win their third division title in four years. At 6-6 the Seahawks are still in the fight, but they need to turn it up a notch. When these teams met just a couple of weeks ago it wasn’t particularly competitive, and I don’t foresee much changing now. Zach believes the 49ers may be the most complete team in the league and thinks they’ll handle business.
My Pick: San Francisco
Zach’s Pick: San Francisco
Buffalo at Kansas City (-2.5)
In my season preview I opined that things wouldn’t be easy for the Bills this year, but I had no idea they’d be 6-6 and struggling to remain in wildcard contention. Almost as surprising is the recent struggles of the 8-4 Chiefs, who have lost three of their last five games. They still have a solid division lead, but their status as Super Bowl favorites is certainly in doubt, and they could struggle to make it to the AFC Title game. KC’s home field is amongst the most hostile in the league, so I believe they’ll escape with a close victory. Zach also predicts a close contest, but foresees Buffalo getting the mild upset.
My Pick: Kansas City
Zach’s Pick: Buffalo
Philadelphia at Dallas (-3.5)
When these teams met in Philly in early November the home team used a big third quarter to launch themselves to a five point win. The Eagles had looked rather sharp until getting blasted by San Francisco last week, while the Cowboys are riding the wave of a four game winning streak. The “experts” are slaves of the current moment and will view the game differently, but I still think Philadelphia is a better team. Zach believes the underdogs will rebound nicely from last week’s debacle and get a big upset on the road Sunday night.
As a Steelers fan I’m still trying to wrap my head around what the hell I watched Monday night. Never has a win felt more like a loss. As a fantasy owner I am juggling a half dozen teams with various injuries & underperforming players who I can’t give away in trades. All of this while I just kicked Covid’s ass for the third time. It’s no fun, but even my healthcare provider said “it’s really not a big deal anymore”, so I thank God every day I didn’t bow to the pressure to receive a useless “vaccine” that is more dangerous than the disease it is supposed to treat. Anyway, Zach has drawn a little closer overall, and we’re both still above water. Hopefully doing a few bonus picks won’t turn out to be a bad idea.
My Season: 15-8
Zach’s Season: 13-10
Florida State (-2) at Clemson
My my how the turn tables. The Seminoles haven’t won this matchup since 2014, but now they visit Death Valley as slight road favorites. The Tigers are 2-1, though no one is putting much stock in two easy victories, instead choosing to dwell on the season opening loss at Duke. Florida St. is 3-0 and getting a lot of love for their season opening destruction of LSU. I’ve always liked Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney, who seems like a genuinely decent man. Now we’re going to find out just how good of a coach he is, regardless of the final score. This is a Noon kickoff instead of prime time, which speaks volumes. After six straight playoff appearances Clemson has been in a downward cycle for the past couple of years, and that’s okay. It happens. Conversely, after being one of the dominant forces in college football throughout the 90s Florida St. had some lean years and now appears to be highly competitive once more. It’s the circle of life. The wheel of fortune. Zach is taking a leap of faith on Coach Swinney, believing he’ll have his team ready to find their place on the path unwinding.
My Pick: Florida St.
Zach’s Pick: Clemson
Colorado at Oregon (-21)
Play time is over. Upsetting TCU was cool, even if it was more perception based on last season. Throttling Nebraska was nostalgic. Defeating Colorado St. in two OTs was thrilling and everything a rivalry game should be…hell, everything college football once was until greed chipped away at it like a woodpecker on a maple tree. Now though…now we find out if the Buffs are the real deal. The Ducks are 3-0 and have made it look relatively easy. We cannot overlook the fact that it is a conference battle, and the two top teams will ultimately meet for the PAC 12 title, making this a pretty important game. Coach Prime has won me over with his cool demeanor, hype skills, & genuine belief in his team. However, I think they will struggle to be .500 the rest of the way. Oregon might not be a playoff team, but they are a legit Top 10 threat. Zach concurs. He foresees the favorites winning quite emphatically.
My Pick: Oregon
Zach’s Pick: Oregon
UCLA at Utah (-4.5)
The 3-0 Utes have become the forgotten team in the PAC 12, which is probably fine with them at the moment. The season opening victory over Florida looks better every day, and QB Cameron Rising could finally be ready to play after missing the first few games while still recovering from a torn ACL suffered in the Rose Bowl. Meanwhile, the Bruins are also 3-0, although their schedule has hardly been…noteworthy. This could be one of the best games of the day on Saturday, and I believe it’ll be super close. Decided by a field goal close. Zach also thinks it’ll be close, but ultimately sees Utah being good enough.
My Pick: UCLA
Zach’s Pick: Utah
Ohio St. (-3.5) at Notre Dame
The Buckeyes are cruising along without a care in the world. Starting the season with three cupcakes will do that for you, but now they’ll need to snap on those chinstraps tight and be prepared to play football. Not only are the Fighting Irish also undefeated, but they have the home field. A win for either team legitimizes their success thus far & puts them squarely in the playoff debate. A loss doesn’t mean the season is over, but it likely ends any national title dreams. I think it’ll be a hard fought battle. Notre Dame will scratch & claw and look pretty good keeping up with their favored opponents. They’ll have opportunities to tie or even take a small lead…but it won’t happen. Ohio St. is just a little faster, a little deeper, and a little more athletic. Conversely, Zach thinks Ohio St.’s QB situation is a mess and predicts Notre Dame will defend their turf.
My Pick: Ohio St.
Zach’s Pick: Notre Dame
LA Chargers at Minnesota (-1.5)
The Vikings just traded for (former) Rams’ running back Cam Akers because their rushing attack has been pathetic. I don’t know if Akers will be in the lineup Sunday, but after starting 0-2 there is some urgency there. The Chargers are also 0-2, but could just as easily be 2-0. It would certainly help to get RB Austin Ekeler back on the field, but he may miss another game. Neither of these teams has been getting blown out, they’ve just been missing…something…that causes them to fall just a bit short. Akers could be the missing piece for Minnesota, but I’d be surprised if we know that answer this week. The question for me is which defense does one trust more, and I think I have to lean toward the Chargers. Zach foresees a low scoring affair and agrees the underdogs will snag a mild upset.
My Pick: LA Chargers
Zach’s Pick: LA Chargers
Chicago at Kansas City (-13.5)
I listened with bemusement to talking heads hyping the Bears & QB Justin Fields in the preseason because I have the direct opposite opinions. Two games in & who looks good on the Bears/Fields front?? That’s right…me. Conversely, I am somewhat concerned about the Chiefs, although, to be fair, losing by one point to Detroit and being challenged mightily by the Jags aren’t reasons to hang heads in shame. For now I am blaming that overhyped harlot Taylor Swift for anything that goes wrong in KC. Will that include a loss to the Bears?? No…not even that twit has that much power. Will the home team cover?? That’s a whole different mediocre country pop song. I think it’ll be close. Gamblers nationwide will sweat as the outcome hangs in the balance heading into the 4th quarter. But then guys like Patrick Mahomes & Chris Jones will remember who the hell they are and lead their team to a two+ touchdown win. Zach has yet to be impressed by KC, but agrees that Chicago is terrible.
My Pick: Kansas City
Zach’s Pick: Kansas City
LA Rams at Cincinnati (-2.5)
The reason the Rams were able to trade Cam Akers is that 2022 5th round pick Kyren Williams out of Notre Dame has emerged as a legit NFL running back. If they can stay above water until receiver Cooper Kupp’s return in a few weeks the Rams might eventually prove that last year’s abysmal 5-12 finish was indeed an anomaly just one season after winning the Super Bowl. The team they beat in that Super Bowl was the Bengals, who did not fall flat on their face a season ago…they just lost the AFC title game. That being said, there does seem to be some concern about Cincy’s 0-2 start. They need a victory not only to quiet the whispers, but to keep pace with the Baltimore Ravens. I believe the Rams have potential to put it altogether, figure things out, and emerge with a better record than last year, but I think that’ll take some time and folks shouldn’t get too excited just yet. The home team has their back against the wall, which makes them dangerous. Zach thinks the fall of Joe Burrow will continue, with the Rams scoring an upset in overtime.
Greetings Manoverse, and welcome to the 2022 Sammy Awards!! It has been a tradition here since 2010 for us to welcome a new year by saying a fond farewell to the old year. We look back at the key moments, people, & topics that made the past 12 months what they were. We celebrate the highlights & allow ourselves to lament the lowlights. A wise teacher once said “Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them”, and we believe it is good to remember what happened and give those stories kudos or derision…whichever is appropriate. So sit back, grab some popcorn & your beverage of choice, and enjoy the world’s most irreverent fake awards show!!
To host the festivities it is our pleasure to welcome one of our most underrated comedians. He has received multiple Grammy nominations, is known for working clean, and offers low key, relatable observations on topics with which we are all familiar. Please welcome to the stage Jim Gaffigan!!
After some hilarious opening comments from our host it is time to hand out some hardware!! To do the honors we are excited to welcome a beloved actor from the 1970s. He starred in one of the few romantic dramas about a blind ice skater, the 1978 classic Ice Castles, as well as Ode to Billy Joe, in which he hurls himself off a bridge after having sex with Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane from The Dukes of Hazzard. Give a rousing ovation for the very much alive (who knew??) Robby Benson!! And the nominees are:
Favorite TV Show
The World According to Jeff Goldblum
Quirky actor Goldblum returned to Disney+ with fresh episodes examining topics like dogs, fireworks, & motorcycles. He doesn’t necessarily break new ground on these subjects, but does approach them from a distinct perspective.
General Hospital
Yes, I still watch “my stories” (as my grandmothers used to call them). However, not only are there only four soap operas remaining, just one feels worthy of recognition. I’ve been a fan of GH since the early 80s, and still look forward to watching it whenever time permits (which is often enough since I have no life {I’m “producing” a fake awards show for God’s sake}).
Cobra Kai
The 4th season was released on NY’s Eve 2021, and in a pleasant surprise Season 5 came along just months later in September 2022. It’s still a compelling story for those old enough to have enjoyed the Karate Kid films back in the day, and I suppose it’s a good enough show to have attracted younger fans not as familiar with the movies. That being said, it feels like the upcoming season (which may not arrive for another year) should be the end unless they do some sort of time jump. It’s more difficult to get away with having 20-somethings portray high school students than it used to be.
The Santa Clauses
This was a nice little holiday treat. Tim Allen returned for a six episode series on Disney+ in which Santa Claus (fka Scott Calvin) decides to retire, chooses a successor, and things go awry. Y’all should check it out while you’re still in the holiday spirit.
WWE Raw/NXT/Smackdown
Am I as big of a wrestling fan as I used to be?? No. I ponder the question of whether the product just isn’t as captivating as it was in the heyday of Hulk Hogan & Ric Flair or The Rock & “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, or if perhaps I’m just not the same person I was in my youth. Either way, I still watch the shows, but don’t find them as interesting as I did once upon a time.
and the Sammy goes to…..
General Hospital. For the second year in a row consistency wins. I still haven’t totally bought into the whole streaming thing, and I’m not sure I ever will. I like having new episodes to look forward to. I don’t really enjoy binging everything in a few days then having to wait months for my next fix. GH continues to be well written with a great cast. It may not be your cup o’ tea and that’s okay, but having grown up with the show the fine folks in Port Charles, NY almost seem like family. Dysfunctional?? Sure, but that’s fine.
To present our next award we are happy to have two characters that underwent a bit of a makeover in 2022. In an effort to be inclusive or whatever…some kind of PC bullsquat…Green M&M was stripped of her lip gloss, high heeled boots, & long eyelashes, and instead given sneakers & a plain face, apparently to appease female gym teachers & golfers on the LPGA Tour. Not to be outdone, Disney decided to toss Minnie Mouse’s iconic red polka dot dress and pander to Hillary Clinton voters by putting Minnie in an unflattering black & blue pantsuit. We don’t play those kind of silly games here at The Sammys. We love women & embrace femininity, so we are happy to welcome to the stage OG Green M&M and Minnie Mouse!! And the nominees are:
Favorite App
Words with Friends
Full disclosure…I became bored by Words in the latter half of 2022. I’m pretty sure that the plethora of challenges I received daily were from bots rather than real people, and I decided to step away for awhile. I’ll probably return soon enough.
Instagram
In less than three years I have posted over 12k memes on Insta. It’s usually the first thing I do when I wake up. Weird?? Kind of sad?? Yes & yes, but atleast I’m honest.
Amazon Music
I’d rather listen to music than watch television most of the time. I am very moody when it comes to the tunes I enjoy. What I’m into might change on a daily basis. However, I’ve never been unable to find what I’m looking for on Amazon Music. It’s $10/month well spent.
Pic Stitch
I take a lot of photos whenever I attend a social event. I might take a hundred pics but end up with 35 good ones by the time I filter out blurry or repetitive shots. This app allows me to be even more efficient by stitching together two or more photos so that out of the original 100 I end up posting maybe 15 or 20 to social media.
TextArt
I’ve segued into creating my own memes!! Sometimes I see a quote I like or an existing meme that just seems too busy, so I take the basic concept & create a better version the way I want it. Perhaps I missed my calling as a graphic designer.
Air Brush
I see memes or picture quotes all the time that just need something unnecessary erased out of them. It’s not always as tight & precise as I’d prefer, but it is usually adequate for my purposes.
Infinity 8 Ball
I went thru my Spades phase, but now I’ve moved on to billiards. Thus far I’ve played over 1400 games and have fallen just below a 60% win rate.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Amazon Music. After being nominated a couple of times in the past Amazon Music finally earns the prize. You may use Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, iHeart Radio, or any of the plethora of music apps available, and that’s cool. I’m sure they’re all great. For me Amazon has been a reliable & functional tool that’s become an indispensable part of daily life.
To present our next two awards it is a pleasure to welcome a former NFL punter and current ESPN & WWE commentator whose charisma & liveliness infuses any program he’s part of with more of an energy boost than you’ll get from the entire Starbucks menu combined. Get up on your feet for the inimitable Pat McAfee!! And the nominees are:
The Thrill of Victory Award
Georgia’s National Title
In January the Georgia Bulldogs destroyed Alabama to claim their third National Championship. They’ll have an opportunity to add to the trophy case soon.
The Super Rams
On February 13, 2022 the Los Angeles Rams beat the Cincinnati Bengals to win their second Lombardi Trophy.
Golden St. Is Golden Again
After a couple of lean years the Warriors returned to the top of the mountain in 2022, defeating the Boston Celtics in six games to win their 7th NBA title and the fourth since 2015.
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. It is in its infancy & needs better television deals, but stalwarts like Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, & Dustin Johnson joined up, seduced by huge money & shorter tournaments with no cuts.
Kansas Wins The Madness
It was a Battle of Bluebloods when the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the North Carolina Tar Heels to win their fourth National Championship.
Novak Djokovic
Still one of the top tennis players in the world, Djokovic won at Wimbledon for the 4th consecutive year.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Los Angeles Rams. They couldn’t follow up this season, but on that February night in their home stadium the Rams rose to the occasion late in the 4th quarter. It was nice to see QB Matthew Stafford achieve success after a dismal decade+ in Detroit.
He’s just so damn entertaining that we asked Pat McAfee to stick around & hand out the next prize as well. It looks like he’s made himself comfortable. And the nominees are:
The Agony of Defeat Award
Big Ben’s Retirement
After 18 years as the quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers Ben Roethlisberger was gently pushed into retirement. His arm strength had noticeably diminished & his unique escapability had virtually disappeared with no help from a porous offensive line, but the disappointment of his last couple of seasons doesn’t detract from a memorable Hall of Fame career.
Antonio Brown
We’ve known for awhile that the former Steelers wide receiver is mentally unstable. After an acrimonious departure from Pittsburgh a few years ago Brown bounced around a bit before seeming to find a soft landing spot in Tampa. He even won a Super Bowl ring with the Buccaneers. However, that relationship crashed & burned late in the 2021 season, with our last image that of Brown taking off his jersey & leaving in the midst of a game. Since then he has engaged in sophomoric online shenanigans implying he’s been gettin’ busy with Tom Brady’s now ex-wife and been accused of domestic violence as well as improper conduct toward a woman in Dubai.
The Olympics
Another year, another Olympic Games no one cared about. This time it was in Beijing, China. I would literally rather sit in a dark room staring into space than watch the Winter Olympics in Communist China with no spectators in the stands because of a disease they created. Actually I probably did some of that while this was going on.
MLB Lockout
The start of the baseball season was delayed by a week thanks to yet another disagreement between owners & players. Two notable outcomes: universal DH & an expanded playoff format. Designated hitters became a thing for National League teams in 2022, which I hate. I always liked that there were differences between the American League & National League. Both leagues also added an extra wildcard team to the playoff bracket, which I didn’t mind.
Coach K’s Swan Song
In 4+ decades as the head basketball coach for the Duke Blue Devils Mike Krzyzewski won more than 1000 games, 15 ACC tournament titles, and 5 National Championships. His teams made the NCAA Tournament nearly every year & played in 13 Final Fours. Coach K also won three Olympic gold medals. He’d announced before the 2021-22 season that it would be his last, and the Blue Devils won 32 games. Unfortunately they lost Coach K.’s home finale to North Carolina, lost the ACC title game to Virginia Tech, and fell once again in the Final Four to the Tar Heels. I’m a sucker for storybook endings and was pulling for him to finish on top.
Phil Mickelson
All the sudden my man Phil has become the black sheep of golf. It started with his controversial defection to LIV Golf last spring, accompanied by disparaging comments about PGA leadership. Mickelson skipped The Masters & the PGA Championship. At age 52 & clearly past his prime I can’t be too hard on the guy for being seduced by the huge money & reduced schedule offered by LIV, but it may have cost him the legacy he’d built during a fantastic three decade+ career.
Brady’s Gone!! Nevermind, He’s Back 😖
Y’all know I despise Tom Brady. He’s like an evil serial killer in a slasher movie that won’t freakin’ die!! I thought our long nightmare was finally over when Brady announced his retirement back in February. Remember the Bible story about Jesus battling Satan in the desert for 40 days?? Imagine if Satan had won. That’s what it felt like when Brady ended his retirement after 40 days. Yes…he did that, and you can’t convince me it wasn’t on purpose. His decision proved costly, as he ended up divorced, but on the bright side (atleast for him) he’s led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the playoffs, and if the dude wins yet another damn Super Bowl I might just have to look into this soccer thing.
Washington Commanders
After years of pressure from the PC Police the Redskins nickname was finally scrapped a few years ago. After that they were awkwardly known as the Washington Football Team for a couple of seasons because apparently it’s harder to name a sports franchise than anyone realized, even though this change was on the cusp of happening for a long time. At any rate, the powers-that-be narrowed the field down to a few choices, including Armada, Brigade, and Defenders. Commanders is better than any of those, although I preferred Red Wolves.
Flores’ Lawsuit
Former Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores filed a lawsuit against the NFL in February alleging racial discrimination in hiring practices & that Dolphins’ ownership had asked him to tank games to get higher draft picks. To my knowledge the suit has not been resolved, but Flores landed with the Steelers as a defensive assistant (they should elevate him to defensive coordinator).
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. The problem?? It is funded by the rulers of Saudi Arabia, a country well known for human rights violations & other nefarious activities, in a transparent PR attempt to change the narrative. Think of Michael Corleone trying to make The Family legitimate by giving a bunch of money to The Vatican in The Godfather Part III. Same kind of thing, only without murder & mayhem (we hope).
Novak Djokovic
While it is true that Djokovic won Wimbledon for the fourth straight year, he was unfortunately prohibited from competing in the Australian Open & U.S. Open due to draconian & misguided Covid restrictions. He stood strong in his steadfast refusal to get “vaccinated”, a decision that cost him some money but perhaps saved his life.
and the Sammy goes to…..
LIV Golf. Is it a real threat to the PGA Tour?? I don’t think so. I am reminded of the original USFL, which briefly seemed like a solid alternative to the NFL. They too made a big splash by signing Heisman Trophy winners Hershel Walker, Doug Flutie, and Mike Rozier, as well as QBs Jim Kelly & Steve Young. But the USFL made some missteps & only lasted a few seasons. LIV has wooed enough PGA stalwarts to grab our attention, and there’s certainly enough cash behind the effort. However, I’ll be surprised if the whole thing is anything more than a memory five years from now.
To present our next award we are pleased to welcome one of the most underrated actors of his generation. He has appeared in blockbuster films like Ghostbusters, Crocodile Dundee, and Turner & Hooch, and is a beloved holiday icon who played a pivotal part in saving hundreds of lives on Christmas Eve in Die Hard. He then went on to star in one of the most cherished sitcoms of the 1990’s, Family Matters, a show that might’ve only lasted a month instead of airing for nine breathtakingly hilarious seasons if not for his star power & skills as an actor. It is indeed an honor to welcome Reginald VelJohnson to present a very special tribute.
Duffer-Herrell Lifetime Achievement Award
Bruce Willis
Moonlighting.
The Christmas classic Die Hard (and it’s plethora of sequels).
Look Who’s Talking.
StrikingDistance.
Armageddon.
TheWhole Nine Yards.
Those episodes of Friends when he ended up dating Rachel.
That album he put out in the late 80s.
Bruce Willis has done a little bit of everything in his amazing career spanning more than four decades. Sadly that journey seems to be over, as it was announced back in March that he is retiring due to aphasia, which is an inability to comprehend or formulate language because of damage to specific brain regions. Willis is 67 years old, which in the 21st century means we thought we had many more years to enjoy new performances. I had even read rumors of one final Die Hard, which would’ve been great, especially if it was a good movie on the same level as the first three. Sadly that won’t be happening. Of course in the grand scheme of things that’s not really important. Bruce Willis is still alive, and that’s what matters to his loved ones. For the rest of us we’ll always have his body of work. Is he the greatest actor that ever graced the big screen?? No, but who cares?? Years from now our grandchildren will be telling their grandchildren about a decent actor who made a memorable impression and entertained millions. Each December, along with George Bailey, Ebenezer Scrooge, Ralphie Parker, and The Whos down in Whoville, Detective John McClane will continue to be a key player in Christmas celebrations everywhere. That’s a damn fine legacy, and for that The Sammys are proud to recognize the contributions of Bruce Willis to popular culture.
This seems like a good place to pause. Please stay tuned for Part 2 of the 2022 Sammy Awards.
Folks, before we get down to business let’s address the elephant in the room. Zach & I both love football. We’ve both been hardcore Steelers fans our entire lives (my life being just a bit longer than his). Once, when I was a boy in the early 80’s, Pittsburgh lost the last game of the season (I’m not sure which year) and missed the playoffs. I cried like a baby. There are few things more enjoyable for me than vegging out in front of the TV on autumn Saturdays to watch college football from morning until the last west coast game ends around 1am, then watching “seven hours of commercial free football” on NFL RedZone Sunday afternoon. I started doing these picks several years ago because it combines a few things that I love: writing, football, and acting as if I know what the hell I’m talking about. Having said all of that, we are well aware that there’s a real world out there full of serious issues & life changing decisions. Football is usually an escape from those unpleasant realities, but it’s not breaking news to most that football & real life collided a few days ago. I’m not going to offer any medical opinions or hot takes, just sincere good mojo for Damar Hamlin, best wishes for the Buffalo Bills as they move thru the playoffs, and a tip of the cap to coaches, officials, league brass, & even TV talking heads who handled an unprecedented situation in a mostly professional & fair manner.
Okay, so…we are tied coming into this final week. Zach was 3-1 last weekend, while I was 1-3. It goes without saying that the Bills-Bengals game we picked doesn’t count since they didn’t finish it. For our finale we are doing bonus picks…obviously…with each game having some kind of playoff implication. Watch the games. Enjoy them. Don’t feel guilty for doing so. But also don’t forget to call, text, or visit friends & family and tell them you love them. Distractions are fantastic, but reality can be pretty cool as well.
My Season: 54-59
Zach’s Season: 54-59
Tennessee at Jacksonville (-6.5)
This is a Saturday night game on ESPN, and Tennessee will have had a couple extra days of rest since they played on Thursday last week. The winner wins the AFC South. The Jags could win it outright, while the Titans have a better divisional record & would win the tiebreaker. Theoretically Jacksonville could still earn a wildcard berth even with a loss, but too many dominoes would have to fall perfectly, so it’s not a realistic scenario. I told you before the season that “the Jags could be headed in the right direction”, but they have exceeded expectations. The Titans have lost six in a row and simply have too many injuries. Even if RB Derrick Henry plays & looks good I don’t believe they’ll get the job done. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Jacksonville (21-13)
Z’s Pick: Jacksonville (28-17)
Baltimore at Cincinnati (-7)
I’m not sure how the NFL is going to handle this situation. Assuming the “postponed” game is not made up the Bengals will have played one less game, so if they lose they’d be 11-5 and the Ravens would be 11-6. However, in that scenario Baltimore would’ve won both meetings this season, and I suppose it’d make sense that they be declared division champions. Cincinnati could make it easy by winning the game and clearly earning a division title. QB Lamar Jackson has missed the last four games with a knee injury, and it is unknown if he’ll be available for the underdogs this week. It feels like Cincy is peaking at the right time after winning seven in a row. Who am I to question Big Mo(mentum)?? Zach sees it as a contrast of styles…Baltimore’s ball control offense vs. the Bengals’ big play potential…and he thinks the defending AFC champs have a great shot to make another deep run.
My Pick: Cincinnati (27-17)
Z’s Pick: Cincinnati (35-20)
Seattle (-6.5) at LA Rams
The Seahawks need to win and hope Green Bay loses. That would get them the 7th seed in the NFC. A week ago I had too much faith that the defending champion Rams would rekindle some of that fire from last season, but instead they got blasted by the Chargers. Lesson learned. They may not make it far, but it’d be nice to see QB Geno Smith lead Seattle into the postseason. Zach agrees.
My Pick: Seattle (31-17)
Z’s Pick: Seattle (31-10)
New England at Buffalo (-7.5)
The Steelers need New England to lose (seems like old times). That’s good enough for me. Hopefully by the time this one kicks off the outlook for Damar Hamlin will be more encouraging and the Bills will be invigorated to kick ass in his honor. Zach hasn’t lost faith in Pats’ QB Mac Jones, but thinks the rest of the team is a mess.
My Pick: Buffalo (28-10)
Z’s Pick: Buffalo (28-7)
NY Giants at Philadelphia (-14)
Much to my surprise the Giants are playoff bound, and they are locked into the 6th seed. Philly is headed to the playoffs too, but they would prefer to be the NFC East champions, the conference’s top seed, and have a first round bye. That makes this a must win. Having said that, the points are redonkulous. These are not the Giants that I predicted to go 1-16 👀…these Giants are 9-6-1 and want to go to the postseason with momentum. They might not win, but it’ll be closer than two TDs. Zach is on the same page.
My Pick: NY Giants (21-30)
Z’s Pick: NY Giants (20-24)
Dallas (-5.5) at Washington
This rivalry was more fun when it was Cowboys vs. Indians. Anyway, Dallas is also battling for a division crown & the NFC’s #1 seed, but they have to win first. The Commanders were eliminated from playoff contention last weekend, but I have to assume they’d relish the role of spoiler. I don’t have much faith in the Cowboys making a deep playoff run, but I’d be surprised if they don’t go to DC & handle business. Zach concurs.
My Pick: Dallas (34-14)
Z’s Pick: Dallas (28-13)
NY Jets at Miami {even}
It should be one of the most intriguing games of the day, even with both teams limping a bit. The Jets’ quarterback situation has been a mess, and I don’t think it matters whether Zach Wilson, Mike White, or Joe Flacco is the starter. Similarly, the Dolphins have seen starter Tua Tagovailoa battle concussion issues and lost backup Teddy Bridgewater to a finger injury. Third stringer Skylar Thompson was a 7th round pick out of Kansas St. and certainly looked like it last week (Thompson was chosen 15 spots ahead of 49ers QB Brock Purdy…think Miami would like to have a do-over??). There’s a chance Bridgewater might be available, which could help the home team. With so many variables in play it comes down to this for me: my Steelers need the Dolphins to lose. Zach agrees.
My Pick: NY Jets (16-14)
Z’s Pick: NY Jets (17-14)
Detroit at Green Bay (-4.5)
I said five months ago that “the surprise of the division might be Detroit”, and here we are with the Lions not only having an opportunity to snag a playoff berth, but eliminate the Packers in the process. For Green Bay it is simple…win & they’re in. Detroit has to win and hope that Seattle loses. This is the Sunday night contest on NBC, so the Lions will know the outcome of the Seahawks game by the time they kick off. I said a couple of weeks ago that “battling Aaron Rodgers with his back against a wall is dangerous”. The Pack has won four in a row and I don’t think that stops now. Detroit has a bright future and should be congratulated on their significant improvement, but I think their season ends on The Frozen Tundra. Not only does Zach believe Green Bay will win this game, but he thinks they are a legit Super Bowl contender.
My Pick: Green Bay (27-20)
Z’s Pick: Green Bay (28-20)
Y’all may have noticed that, for the first time ever, we predicted final scores. That’s because we agreed on the outcome of all eight games, meaning that we’re going to end up tied no matter what. Therefore, we are doing a “closest to the hole” tiebreaker. The lesser point differential for each game (regardless of the outcome) wins that game. Zach agreed to those terms, and I think it’ll make watching each game even more fun.
The Manofesto 