Israel

2023 SAMMY AWARDS (PART III)

Annnnnnddddd we are back!! The Sammys are thrilled to kick Awards Season into high gear, as we give a spotlight to the highs & lows of 2023. Please check out Part 1 & Part 2, then come back for the exciting conclusion of our show.

Our host, Bert Kreischer, has some hilarious thoughts about Jameis Winston, Jimmy Kimmel, and Michelle Obama, and then it’s time to move on.

To present our next award we’re happy to welcome back an Emmy & Golden Globe winning and Oscar nominated actor as well as a fiery social media shit stirrer. Please give a rousing ovation to James Woods!! And the nominees are:

Favorite Movie

Shotgun Wedding
What do you get when you cross an action flick with a rom-com?? Apparently Die Hard at a Wedding. J-Lo has been a bride onscreen more than she has in real life, which one would think impossible. She’s charming, as is the rest of the ensemble, but it adds up to forgettable fluff. A promising premise & talented performers can’t quite save the production as a whole.

Champions
Woody Harrelson is a disgraced minor league pro basketball coach who receives community service after a DUI arrest. His assignment?? Coaching a special needs basketball team. The plot is rather predictable, including the redeemed coach inevitably getting an opportunity to move on to bigger & better things, the romance with a player‘s sister, and even a game winning shot at the end of the climactic ball game. However, it’s all quite amusing & affable so the cliches can be forgiven.

You People
When a young black woman introduces her white fiancé & his parents to her family it doesn’t go well. I get the whole culture clash thing. Race. Religion. The Generation Gap. Those subjects can be comedy gold mines…but they can also be land mines. With an ensemble that includes Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jonah Hill, Nia Long, and David Duchovny you’d be right to expect greatness, but the humor lacks subtlety. I feel like social commentary requires finesse, not a billy club.

Paint
Imagine beloved TV artist Bob Ross as a sensitive ladies’ man who bangs all of his female co-workers in the back of a van. Owen Wilson essentially cosplays Ross in this weird lil movie that I don’t hate but don’t quite get.

No Hard Feelings
Jennifer Lawrence is one of those actors that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t vibe with in real life, but her work can be rather delightful. Low key comedy is her wheelhouse, and in this rom-com she portrays a down-on-her-luck Uber driver struggling to make ends meet when a unique opportunity presents itself. A well-to-do couple hires her to romance their socially inept son before he heads off to college. It’s a vaguely inappropriate relationship on multiple levels, but somehow the movie ends up being mildly humorous & charming.

The Holdovers
A surly history teacher gets stuck overseeing a group of students who can’t make it home from their snooty boarding school during Christmas break. When all of the students except one receive an opportunity to leave the professor bonds with the troubled young man, as well as the school’s head cook, who recently lost her son in Vietnam.

Maestro
A biopic of legendary composer/pianist/conductor Leonard Bernstein. Bradley Cooper will undoubtedly receive an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor, but the movie is kind of dull.

Wonka
If you’re a fan of the 1971 classic Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (or the 2005 remake starring Johnny Depp), based on the 1964 book Charlie & The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, this is a prequel origin story for the character. Is it as good as its predecessor?? That’s difficult to determine in the moment and probably an unfair yet inevitable comparison. It is delightful enough, but not quite as enigmatic. I suppose we’ll be able to make a better assessment in a decade or two.

Jesus Revolution
Based on a true story about an evangelical movement led by hippies in 1960s California. I think it’s the kind of movie that you need to watch a few times to really absorb the message. I’m a big Kelsey Grammar fan, but his role isn’t as significant as one might assume.

Best Christmas Ever
When a moderately unhappy couple & their two children are inadvertently snowbound at the posh home of an old college frienemy, silly yet heartwarming hijinks ensue. The cast is likable enough, but it’s about a half step above a Hallmark movie, with less romance and some alleged comedy thrown into the recipe.

and the Sammy goes to…..

The Holdovers. It’s not a traditional Christmas movie, but we are presented with a mellow concoction that takes full advantage of its ingredients, unlike some of the more boisterous competition. Academy Award winning director Alexander Payne and Emmy & Golden Globe winner Paul Giamatti first teamed up two decades ago for the delightful Sideways, and though this movie is more melancholy and shares cinematic DNA with the 1989 Robin Williams classic Dead Poets Society, it is nevertheless a worthy metamorphosis.

Here at The Sammys we always hope to entertain the masses with a fair-minded, non-controversial appreciation of the past year, and one thing we love is music. So, get up on your feet and dance in the aisles as we welcome, here to perform his #1 hit Try That in a Small Town, quadruple platinum selling artist Jason Aldean!!

Thank you Jason!! We don’t even like country music around here, but it never hurts to shake up the formula occasionally. To present the final award of the evening it is an immense pleasure to welcome back author & outspoken commentator Candace Owens!! And the nominees are:

Biggest News Story

Biden’s Classified Documents
Last January more than two dozen classified documents dating back to Joe Biden’s time as a Senator & Vice President were found haphazardly stored in an office and in his garage. Whereas, in a similar circumstance, former President Trump’s home was raided by the FBI as if he’d committed a heinous crime, Biden’s situation was presented as no big deal and has been largely forgotten.

Ohio Train Derailment
In early February 2023 a Norfolk Southern freight train carrying hazardous materials derailed in East Palestine, OH, affecting water & air quality and the health of thousands of residents. Federal response was weak, and of the two individuals who will likely be vying for the White House in the very near future, only one appeared to give a damn.

Ukraine
I won’t pretend to be an expert on foreign politics. I will opine that neither country or their “leaders” appear to be good guys, and the billions of dollars U.S. taxpayers are involuntarily sending to Ukraine seem more like kickbacks that are somehow filtered into the pockets of certain politicians. International relations cannot be ignored….I get that. However, I believe in helping our own citizens before funneling money to fund a war in which the United States is not directly involved.

Gender Ideology
To each their own. Live & let live. However, it is odd that the same people who preached “follow the science” during the Covid Pandemic are so willing to toss aside biology. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness that should be treated as such. Especially when it comes to children, such instances need to be confronted with compassion & kindness, but surely that can be done without indulging a grade schooler to the point that they irrevocably alter their life on multiple levels.

Trump Indicted
In 2023 former President Trump faced multiple indictments on nearly a hundred charges ranging from falsifying business documents to mishandling of classified documents to answering for January 6, 2021, an event that some leftists have tried to sell as being more tragic than WWII & 9/11. Clearly all of it is a pathetic attempt by The Establishment and their cronies in the media to hinder Trump’s 2024 Presidential campaign. The sad thing is it just might work, despite the charges being way overblown. No one is saying Donald Trump is a terrific human being, but those that have spent the last several years trying to destroy him are pure evil.

Speaker of the House
Their policies may be hot garbage, but atleast Democrats are unified. At a time when the country is worn out by Covid & its aftermath, billions of dollars being sent to Ukraine, leftist agendas on climate change, identity politics, & racial division, and inflation, one could fairly assume that the a new path would be an easy sell. Unfortunately Republicans can’t stop battling each other long enough to focus on saving a nation on the brink. California’s Kevin McCarthy became Speaker of the House of Representatives (third in line to the Presidency) in January 2023, but it took more rounds of voting than any such selection process since 1859. He only lasted until October before being ousted, the first time in the history of the House that a Speaker was successfully removed. It then took four days of cajoling before Louisiana’s Mike Johnson received the gavel, with Democrats laughing the whole time.

Middle East Unrest
In October 2023 the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas invaded Israel. The surprising thing has been the amount of pro-Palestine protests here in the United States. I cannot present an authoritative history lesson on The Middle East, but I know that Israel is God’s Chosen People and an American ally. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised any longer by the effects of our modern “progressive” education system.

Canadian & Hawaii Wildfires
The 2023 wildfire season saw the most area burned in Canada’s recorded history, beginning in March and intensifying in June, with an ongoing, record-setting series of fires affecting every province. In early August 2023, a series of wildfires broke out in Hawaii, predominantly on the island of Maui. The wind-driven fires prompted evacuations, caused widespread damage, and killed at least 100 people. But don’t worry…billionaires Oprah “Satan’s Favorite Talk Show Host” Winfrey & future President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson were on the scene with a plan to rebuild Maui with YOUR money while they get all the glory.h

and the Sammy goes to…..

Ukraine. I don’t know…something smells fishy. It’s become quite fashionable to put the Ukraine flag on social media profiles to show how compassionate a person believes themselves to be, as if they’re supporting the local soup kitchen or saving cute little puppies. However, the truth is that Ukraine, led by Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former comedian & actor with a fondness for comfie sweatshirts, isn’t that much better than the evil Russian Empire, led by Vladimir Putin. I don’t think most American citizens have any clue what they’re supporting, and I am damn sure that none of us know what all those billions of dollars we’re passing out like candy is really being spent on.

Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (the first female to serve on The Court)…..legendary game show host (The Price is Right), actor (Happy Gilmore), & animal rights advocate Bob Barker…former First Lady Rosalynn Carter…groundbreaking television writer & producer Norman Lear (All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Sanford & Son)…singers/musicians Jimmy Buffett, Tina Turner, Tony Bennett, Gary Rossington (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Jeff Beck, Charlie Thomas (The Drifters), David Crosby, Robbie Bachman (Bachman-Turner Overdrive), Wayne Shorter, Fred White (Earth, Wind, & Fire), Harry Belafonte, Gordon Lightfoot, Sinead O’Connor, Robbie Robertson (The Band), Bernie Marsden (Whitesnake), Steve Harwell (Smash Mouth), Mylon LeFevre, Roger Whittaker, and Rudolph Isley (The Isley Brothers)…infamous talk show host Jerry Springer…former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger…comedian Shecky Greene…NFL Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown & NBA Hall of Fame player/coach/executive Willis Reed…astronaut Ken Mattingly (portrayed in Apollo 13 by Gary Sinise)…daredevil Robbie Knievel…heiress & singer Lisa Marie Presley…former pro football executives Bobby Beathard (Washington Redskins, San Diego Chargers), Dick Haley (Pittsburgh Steelers), and Gil Brandt (Dallas Cowboys)…actresses Suzanne Somers (Three’s Company, Step By Step), Melinda Dillon (A Christmas Story, Slap Shot), Cindy Williams (Laverne & Shirley, American Graffiti), Raquel Welch (The Three Musketeers, Right to Die), Jaclyn Zeman (General Hospital), Arleen Sorkin (Days of Our Lives, Batman: The Animated Series), Stella Stevens (The Nutty Professor, The Poseidon Adventure), Lisa Loring (The Addams Family, As the World Turns), Gina Lollobrigida (a variety of Italian films), Annie Wersching (General Hospital), Carole Cook (Sixteen Candles), Barbara Bosson (Hill Street Blues, The Last Starfighter), Inga Swenson (Benson), Nancy Frangione (Another World), Cindy Morgan (Caddyshack), Piper Laurie (The Hustler, Carrie, Twin Peaks), and Frances Sternhagen (Cheers, Doc Hollywood)…Ted Kaczynski (aka The Unabomber)…NASCAR legend Cale Yarborough…Grammy winning musician (The Eagles) & songwriter (Take it to the Limit) Randy Meisner and songwriter & drummer (Kool & The Gang) George “Funky” Brown (Celebration, Ladies’ Night)…NHL Hall of Famer Bobby Hull (Chicago Blackhawks, Winnipeg Jets), MLB Hall of Famers Brooks Robinson (Baltimore Orioles) & Sal Bando (Oakland A’s), and NFL Hall of Famers Dick Butkus (Chicago Bears) & Joe Kapp (Minnesota Vikings)…televangelists Pat Robertson & Charles Stanley…poker champion Doyle Brunson…pastor & author Tim Keller…songwriters/composers Barrett Stone (I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone), Burt Bacharach (There’s Always Something There to Remind Me,The Look of Love, I Say a Little Prayer, Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head, Arthur’s Theme, That’s What Friends Are For), Jim Gordon (Layla), Bobby Caldwell (The Next Time I Fall), Cynthia Weil (You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, Somewhere Out There), Gary Wright (Dream Weaver)…sportscasters Stan Savran, Billy Packer, Tim McCarver, and Ken Squier…actors Matthew Perry (Friends, Fools Rush In), Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine, The Santa Clause 3, Edward Scissorhands, Glengarry Glen Ross), Tyler Christopher (General Hospital), Richard Moll (Night Court), Adam Rich (Eight is Enough), Billy Miller (The Young & Restless, General Hospital), Lance Kerwin (James at 15), Tom Sizemore (Striking Distance, Saving Private Ryan), Robert Blake (Baretta), Richard Belzer (Law & Order: SVU, Homicide: Life on the Street), Michael Lerner (Eight Men Out, Elf), Treat Williams (1941, Once Upon a Time in America), Nicolas Coster (Santa Barbara, All the President’s Men), Julian Sands (Ocean’s Thirteen), Frederic Forrest (Apocalypse Now), Marc Gilpin (Jaws), Paul Reubens (The Blues Brothers, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse), Johnny Hardwick (King of the Hill), Ron Cephas Jones (This Is Us), Maurice Hines (The Cotton Club), Sir Michael Gambon (Harry Potter), Richard Roundtree (Shaft), Burt Young (Rocky), Joss Ackland (Lethal Weapon 2), Andre Braugher (Homicide: Life on the Street, Brooklyn Nine–Nine), Tom Wilkinson (The Full Monty, Recount, The Patriot), Kamar de los Reyes (One Life to Live), and Ryan O’Neal (Love Story, Paper Moon)…cartoonist Chris Browne (Hagar the Horrible)…astronaut Frank Borman…Food Network host Bobby Rivers…pro wrestlers Terry Funk, “Superstar” Billy Graham, The Iron Sheik, Jay Briscoe, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo, Windham Rotunda (aka Bray Wyatt), Jeff Gaylord, Butch Miller (The Bushwhackers), Darren Drozdov, “Exotic” Adrian Street, Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey, Brett Sawyer, Killer Khan, and promoter Jerry Jarrett…comedian & musician Tom Smothers…engineer Gaston Glock (creator of the Glock pistol)…former U.S. Congresswoman Pat Schroeder (Colorado), former Connecticut Governor & Senator Lowell Weicker, former New Mexico Governor & UN Ambassador Bill Richardson, former mayor of San Francisco & U.S. Congresswoman Dianne Feinstein (California), and former U.S. Senator (Wisconsin), Milwaukee Bucks owner, & Kohl’s Department Store founder Herb Kohl…former basketball coaches Bobby Knight (Indiana Hoosiers, Texas Tech Red Raiders), Chris Ford (Boston Celtics), Terry Holland (Virginia Cavaliers), Billy Hahn (WV Mountaineers), Denny Crum (Louisville Cardinals), Brendan Malone (Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors), & Joey Meyer (DePaul Blue Demons) and former football coaches Vince Tobin (Arizona Cardinals) & Hall-of-Famer Bud Grant (Minnesota Vikings)…authors John Jakes (North & South) & Cormac McCarthy (Blood Meridian, No Country for Old Men, The Road)…former Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson…TV director Peter Werner (Academy Award winner in 1976 for Best Live Action Short Film)…Dancing with the Stars judge Len Goodman…former NFL referee Art McNally…stuntman George Wilbur (Halloween)…Heisman Trophy winners & former NFL players Johnny Lujack & Charles White, former NFL players & TV pitchmen Conrad Dobler and Walt Garrison, retired NFL players Ryan Mallett (New England Patriots), Clark Haggans (Pittsburgh Steelers), Sean Dawkins (Indianapolis Colts), Alex Collins (Seattle Seahawks, Baltimore Ravens), Mike Williams (Tampa Bay Buccaneers), Russ Francis (New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers), and Frank Wycheck (Tennessee Titans)…political satirist Mark Russell…Bob Lee (founder of CashApp)…former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi…former PGA golfers Don January & Andy Bean…cinematographer Bill Butler (Jaws, Grease) & Oscar winning screenwriter Bo Goldman (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Scent of a Woman)…journeyman NBA players Felton Spencer & Eric Montross…The View producer Bill Geddie…comedian Pat Cooper…former WV Supreme Court Justice Warren McGraw…former MLB players Dick Groat (Pittsburgh Pirates), Tim Wakefield (Pittsburgh Pirates, Boston Red Sox), & Vida Blue (Oakland A’s) and manager Pat Corrales (Cleveland Indians)

Understanding Ebenezer

“As Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to battle against Israel. But the LORD thundered with a loud thunder upon the Philistines that day, and so confused them that they were overcome before Israel. And the men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and drove them back as far as below Beth Car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the LORD has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued, and they did not come anymore into the territory of Israel. And the hand of the LORD was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel.” (1 Samuel 7:10-13)


Ebenezer thus means “stone of help”, which isn’t necessarily vital or even helpful information, just an interesting note to begin a discussion of the holiday season and the undeniable emotional dichotomy it presents.


I had always heard folks say that Christmas is both the happiest and saddest time of the year. I am sure somewhere in the annals of time a well known sage or scribe uttered a memorable quote denoting this, but I cannot tell you that for sure. At any rate, it is something I’ve heard but never really paid much attention to…until now.


I have always loved the Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year’s holiday corridor. Christmas especially…with its singular music, delicious food, classic movies & TV specials, lovely lights & decorations, and unique vibe has always been my favorite holiday. As a child one is obviously drawn toward the idea of Santa Claus and presents, while adulthood hopefully brings about a deeper appreciation of Christmas as a celebration of the birth of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. At least that was my experience anyway. Many of us also have a plethora of traditions, usually family related, that we take for granted as kids then develop a wistful nostalgia for as we grow older. Most people mature & evolve, developing new traditions as life’s many transitions…birth, death, marriage, relocation…occur. But it is in these inevitable transitions that the aforementioned duality develops.


Let me go back to Ebenezer for a moment. That, of course, is the first name of the protagonist Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I feel confident in assuming most will have read the book or watched the movies and be familiar with the story. Scrooge is a mean, uncaring, greedy miser who hates everything and everyone. But why?? I am not Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, Dr. Oz, or Dr. Ruth, but I have read the book and know that The Ghost of Christmas Past showed that there were reasons why Scrooge ended up the way he did. It is suggested that his childhood wasn’t the best, that his Dad treated him badly. He did have a sister, Fan, that he loved dearly, but she died as a young woman during childbirth. That probably was the exclamation point that sealed Scrooge’s bitterness. In between these two events we see Scrooge become a businessman obsessed with money, an obsession that cost him the only other person he ever seemed to have loved, a fiancee named Belle.


Now I know that Ebenezer Scrooge is a fictional character. I can separate fantasy from reality. But it seems likely that Dickens based his story and his characters, to a degree, on his real life experiences. And let’s face it…we all know people in our own lives that share atleast a shadow of a trait or two or three with ol’ Scrooge.


As I move steadily along my 30’s on the brink of “middle age” I have struggled mightily to retain my childish enthusiasm for Christmas. I still love the sights and sounds and smells of the season. But I have also developed a deeper understanding of how and why it can also be a very sad time for some, and why there are those that are more like Ebenezer Scrooge than Bob Cratchit.


Those inevitable transitions of life are much kinder to some than others. The most important night of the holiday season when I was a kid was Christmas Eve when we would gather at my grandparents’ home to celebrate what I call The Mano Fish Fest. It is a hybrid version of the Italian-Catholic Feast of the Seven Fishes, modified because for some strange reason my particular branch of the family is not Catholic, I am not sure we’ve ever had 7 types of fish, and there is a lot of other food as well. As my grandparents grew older the celebration moved to my aunt’s house, but for the most part nothing else changed. However, over time things have been transformed significantly. A photo of the big night from 20 years ago versus one from last year will show that several people…my grandfather, my Mom, my maternal grandmother (who was always included even though she was not a Mano), a couple of cousins, and an uncle…have died. My Grandma Mano is now 96 and in poor health. My aunt isn’t all that well herself, and I can foresee the day when the big Fish Fest is a thing of the past, and I have nothing better to do on Christmas Eve than stay at home watching the TBS A Christmas Story marathon. Christmas Day has changed dramatically too. My life, as well as the lives of my father and sister, was forever altered by the death of my mother ten years ago. We decided that we just couldn’t celebrate Christmas at my parents’ house with Mom gone, so we transitioned to my sisters’ home. At the time her two boys were just little tikes and she’d do her best to fix a meal, although it could never live up to the feast Mom always prepared. Now my nephews are teenagers, and they have to spend part of the day with their father and his 2nd wife and family anyway. All my grandparents’ came to our house on Christmas Day when I was a child, so that of course is gone now too. Add to all these changes the fact that I am single and have no children. My friend The Owl and I have had many discussions about how society is dictated by and for married people with children and how single, childless individuals are marginalized and often get lost in the shuffle. It is no one’s fault, and it is not my intention to lay blame at anyone’s feet or expect the world to cry me a river. We all have our issues. My purpose here is simply to point out my increased understanding of the two-sided, happy/sad Christmas coin. And I won’t even go into what a nightmare it is to go shopping this time of year. I haven’t decided if the fact that I used to love that hustle & bustle but now dread going within a mile of the mall in December is more a reflection of my own personality changing or just the growing debasement of society as a whole.


Please do not misunderstand. I am not becoming an acrimonious old misanthrope. I still love Christmas. But I do realize how and why so many find this time of year to be nothing but lonely and sad. I am very fortunate to have what family remains, a roof over my head, a job that enables me to buy a few gifts for my Dad, sister, and nephews, and a church with which I am involved that engages in a lot of Christmas activities (even if half of them get cancelled almost annually when the powers-that-be are repeatedly surprised that it is cold in December). There are so many people who aren’t as fortunate, and that realization helps me overcome my own tendency to gravitate toward melancholy.


I wish I had some sagacious words of wisdom for those whose spirits are pierced with the sharp sword of sorrow this time of year, but unfortunately I am not quite there yet. All I can say is that I can, on some level, understand and empathize, just like I can dislike the type of ill tempered curmudgeon that personifies the Scrooge mentality but can also say with a smidgen of sagacity that I get it, that I see where they are coming from and will keep them in my prayers.

 

 


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