If you need to go back and read the intro to this series, or learn about fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like you, or winning people to your way of thinking please click on the links to do so.
While preparing this concluding segment of the series I couldn’t help but ponder if winning friends & influencing people is even a goal for the masses anymore. It seems to me that we live in a society where the vast majority of folks are, at the very least, egotistical to the point of being bulls in a china shop in an effort to get ahead and promote their own agenda, or worse, oftentimes proud of purposely irritating others just to prove a point. My mother & maternal grandmother always said “you get more flies with honey than vinegar”, and I think that is a good summary of Dale Carnegie’s ideas. He just happened to expand upon the thought and suggest some specifics to achieve the goal. At any rate, I hope anyone who has read my summary of Carnegie’s techniques will a) read the book in its entirety, and b) apply what you learn in real life situations. On balance I believe you will find it to be a positive in your life.
If you don’t want to upset others “begin with praise and honest appreciation”. It is always easier to listen 
to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise. A barber lathers a man before he shaves him. Sometimes you can get everything you want without even asking for it. Beginning with praise is like a dentist who begins their work with Novocain.
Of course there are times when one must take steps to correct a situation, and when that time comes it is best to “call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly”. Simply altering one little word can make the difference between failure & success in changing people without offending them or causing resentment. The forbidden word is “but”. Change the word “but” to “and”, which will call attention to behavior we want to change indirectly and make the person want to live up to expectations. Calling indirect attention to a person’s mistakes works wonders with sensitive people who might resent direct criticism.
One way to soften the blow of criticism is to “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the 
other person”. It isn’t nearly as difficult to listen to comments about your own faults if the other person humbly admits that they aren’t perfect themselves. If a few sentences of humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn things around in a tense situation imagine what humility & praise can do in our daily lives.
We should also “ask questions instead of giving direct orders”. Give suggestions not orders, and provide people an opportunity to do things themselves so they can learn from their mistakes. Save a person’s pride and give them a feeling of importance, which will encourage cooperation instead of rebellion. Resentment caused by a brash order may last for a long time. Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable, it stimulates creativity. People are more likely to accept an order if they have a part in the decision making process.
In anything resembling a confrontation it is important to “let the other person save face”. We tend to 
ride roughshod over others’ feelings. We want to get our own way, find fault, issue threats, and criticize without considering the hurt it causes to other people’s pride. Thoughtful consideration & genuine understanding goes a long way. Consider the negative effects of fault finding versus the positive effects of letting others’ save face. Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong we only destroy their ego by causing someone else to lose face. We have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a person in their own eyes. It doesn’t matter as much what you think of a person as what they think of themselves. Don’t ever hurt another person’s dignity.
In contrast to criticism we should “praise heartily”. Again, think of your favorite pet. Why don’t we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use when trying to change dogs?? Use meat instead of a whip. Use praise instead of condemnation. Praise improvement, which inspires further improvement. Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit, and we cannot grow without it. History is replete with the sheer witchery of praise. When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized the good things people do are reinforced while the bad things will atrophy from lack of attention. Praise becomes much more meaningful when specific accomplishments are singled out in contrast to general flattering remarks. We all crave appreciation, recognition, & praise and will do almost anything to receive it, but when it is specific it feels more sincere. Nobody wants insincere flattery. Compared with what we ought to be we are oftentimes only half awake and making use of only a small amount of our physical & mental resources. We live far within our limits and habitually fail to use all of our powers. If we can inspire people to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess we can help transform those individuals. All of us have the ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of latent possibilities. Abilities wither under criticism but blossom with encouragement.
Another thing that we can do is “give the other person a fine reputation to live up to”. The average person can be led readily if 
you have their respect and show that you respect their abilities. If you want a person to improve in a certain aspect act as though that particular trait is already one of their strengths. Shakespeare advised to “assume a virtue if you have it not”. Assume & state openly that a person has the virtue that you want them to develop. Give them a reputation to live up to and they will make prodigious efforts rather than disappoint others. Oftentimes people are unaware of the treasures that lie within.
Closely related to not criticizing but a little more explicit is “using encouragement while making a fault seem easy to correct”. Telling a person that they are stupid or untalented or are doing something totally wrong destroys any incentive for improvement. Use copious amounts of encouragement. Make improvement seem possible, even easy. Let someone know that you have faith in them, that they have untapped potential. Doing so will stimulate an effort to excel.
Though it may not seem like an easy task to accomplish, “make a person happy about doing the 
thing you suggest”. Create the impression that by accepting a mission a person will be doing you a favor. Don’t give people time to feel unhappy. Change their thoughts in a positive direction. Be sincere. Don’t promise anything you cannot deliver. Put aside any benefits for yourself and focus on benefits to the other person. Be specific. Know exactly what it is you want or need from another person. Be empathetic. Always ask yourself what another person wants or needs. Consider the benefits a person may receive from doing what you ask and match them up with that person’s wants. When making a request of another person convey to them how they will benefit.
you rather have…an academic, theatrical victory, or a person’s good will?? You can rarely have both. You may be absolutely right in your argument, but trying to change another’s mind is just as futile as if you were wrong. A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument. It is ended by diplomacy, tact, conciliation, & a sympathetic desire to see the other viewpoint. Abraham Lincoln once offered that “No man who is resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.” When two people yell there is no communication…just noise & bad vibrations. Contrary to arguing we should welcome disagreement. Perhaps it is an opportunity to be corrected before a serious mistake is made. Distrust your instinct to be defensive. It may be you at your worst, not your best. Control your temper. You can measure the size of a person by what makes them angry. Listen first. Let the other person finish their thought. Don’t resist, defend, or debate…it raises barriers. Build bridges of understanding. Seek areas of agreement. Apologize for errors, which will reduce defensiveness in the other person. Sincerely promise to consider the other person’s ideas. Thank the other person for their interest. Anyone who takes time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Postpone action in order to give proper time to think about the issue.
believe. Few people are logical. Most of us are biased and blighted with preconceived notions, jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy, & pride. If we are told we are wrong we resent the allegation and harden our hearts. We can be incredibly reckless in the formation of our beliefs yet become filled with illicit passion for them when someone proposes to rob us of their companionship. It is difficult in even the best conditions to change peoples’ minds, and a challenge arouses opposition, prompting the other person to want to go to battle. The word humility springs to mind. “My” is an important word in human affairs. Reckoning properly with it is the beginning of wisdom. Socrates humbly said that “one thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing”, an admission many have a hard time making. Nobody will ever object to you saying “I may be wrong…let’s examine the facts.” Begin that way even if you know for sure that you are right. It will stop an argument and inspire the other party to be just as fair & broad-minded as you are being. When we are wrong we may admit it to ourselves, but if others are trying to ram that fact down our throats we dig in. Only if we are handled gently and with tact might we eventually admit our error to others. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wisely opined that “I judge people by their own principles, not my own”.
emphatically. Have the courage not to seek alibis. There is a degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit when you’re wrong. It clears the air of guilt & defensiveness and oftentimes helps solve the original problem created by the error. When you condemn yourself the other person will nourish their self-esteem by taking the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy. If we know we face rebuke anyway, isn’t it better beat others to the punch and do it ourselves?? It is easier to listen to self-criticism than the condemnation of others. Eagerness to criticize yourself will take all the fight out of others. Any fool can try to defend their mistakes, but it gives one a feeling of exultation to admit their mistakes. When we are right we should try to win people gently & tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong we must be honest with ourselves. By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.
It helps to start out any interaction by learning to 
conversation by discussing the things about which you differ…emphasize the things about which you agree. When a person has said no pride demands they remain consistent, so getting a number of yes responses right off the bat psychologically points the listener in a positive direction. People get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others, but it doesn’t pay to argue. It is much more interesting & profitable to look at things from the other person’s point of view. Use the Socratic method – ask questions with which others have to agree. Keep on winning one yes after another. Keep on asking questions until others find themselves embracing a conclusion they might not have at the outset.
Remember what we said about being a good listener?? 
It may be difficult, but 
when you show that you consider another person’s feelings & ideas as important as your own. Increase your tendency to think in terms of another’s point of view & see things from their angle as well as your own. People might be totally wrong…but they don’t think so. Any fool can condemn them, but only wise, tolerant, exceptional people will try to understand them. By becoming more interested in the cause we are less likely to dislike the effect. Contrast your interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else and realize that everyone else feels the same way.
Closely related is 
Everyone you meet has a high regard for themselves and enjoys thinking of themselves as unselfish. A person usually has two reasons for doing something…one that sounds good and the real reason. The only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that a person is being sincere, honest, and truthful. Most people are basically honest and want to live up to their obligations. They will react favorably if you make them feel like you consider them to be honest, upright, and fair.
An interesting piece of advice is to 
that “the way to get things done is to stimulate competition”. The desire to excel by meeting a challenge is an infallible way of appealing to a person’s spirit. All men have fears, but the brave put them aside and move forward. What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome fear?? Being paid by itself does not bring together or hold good people. It is the game!! Money, benefits, and good working conditions are rarely the most motivating factors of a job. The prime motivator is usually the work itself. If it is exciting and interesting workers will look forward to doing it and doing it well. Every successful person loves the game…the chance for self-expression, the opportunity to prove their worth, the desire to excel, win, & feel important.
How to Win Friends & Influence People includes, in its intro, the following list of things that the book’s instruction will do for the reader:
First & foremost we must 
thinking makes it so”. An ancient Chinese proverb warned “a man without a smiling face must not open a shop”. Greet people with animation & enthusiasm. Force yourself to smile. Act as if you are happy and that tends to make you happy. Actions & feelings go together. Actions speak louder than words, and smiling is an action. By regulating the action we can regulate the feeling. The path to cheerfulness is to sit up cheerfully and to act & speak as if cheerfulness was already present. The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes they wear. People who smile tend to manage, teach, & sell more effectively, and they also raise happier children. There is far more information in a smile than a frown. Encouragement is much more effective than punishment. Conversely, an insincere grin doesn’t fool anybody and others resent it. The effect of a smile is powerful even when it is unseen. Your smile comes thru your voice. I used to be a supervisor at a telemarketing firm and I can confirm that this idea is absolutely true. People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it. You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Everyone is seeking happiness. The one surefire way to find it is by controlling thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions, it depends on inner conditions. It isn’t what you have, who you are, where you are, or what you are doing that determines happiness or unhappiness…it is what you think about. Abraham Lincoln said that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. Thought is supreme. Preserve a good mental attitude of courage, honesty, & good cheer. To think rightly is to create. A smile is a message of good will that costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those that give it. It happens in a flash but the memory of it may last forever. It creates happiness in a home, fosters good will in business, and is a witness of friendship. It provides rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, and sunshine to the sad. It cannot be bought, borrowed, or stolen because it isn’t any good to anybody until it is given away.
Next, we learn the importance of knowing & using a person’s name. 
hardly says anything at all…they listen intently. Good listeners are preferred over good talkers. Unfortunately the ability to listen is a rare trait. Listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone because nothing is more satisfying than having the exclusive attention of the person to whom you are speaking. To be interesting be interested. People are much more interested in themselves & their wants than they are the problems of others. If you want people to shun, despise, & laugh at you behind your back then don’t listen, talk incessantly about yourself, & constantly interrupt others. A person who does that is intoxicated with their own ego and drunk with self-importance. Listening is not mere silence, but a form of activity. Hear with your eyes as well as your ears. Listen with your mind and attentively consider what the other person is saying. Even the most strident critic will usually soften & be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener. Many fail to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively…they are too concerned with what they are going to say next. People don’t always want advice…sometimes they just want a friendly & sympathetic person to listen. People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. They are hopelessly uneducated no matter what kind of degree they might hold.
We must 
could be changed if only someone would make them feel important. There is one all important law of human conduct: always make others feel important. Almost all the people we meet feel superior in some way, and it is important to let them know that we sincerely recognize their importance. Remember The Golden Rule: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. If we obey that law we will almost never get into trouble, and the observance will bring with it countless friends & constant happiness. Frequently those who have the least justification for a sense of achievement boost their own ego with a nauseating show of conceit. If we’re so selfish that we can’t radiate a bit of happiness and show a little honest appreciation without wanting something in return we are doomed to justified failure. To do something for someone without them being able to do anything in return provides a feeling that lives on long after the act. Courtesy oils the gears of the monotonous grind of everyday life and is the hallmark of good breeding.
I mentioned in 
Criticism is futile because it puts others on the defensive, forces them to justify themselves, & wounds their pride. It hurts their sense of importance, kills ambition, & causes resentment. 99% of the time people won’t criticize themselves no matter how wrong they are. An analogy to pets that all of us can understand: animals rewarded for good behavior learn much quicker and retain more information than those punished for bad behavior. Human beings are hungry for approval but dread condemnation. We blame everybody but ourselves…it’s human nature. We are not creatures of logic…we are creatures of emotion with prejudices that are motivated by pride & vanity. Any fool can criticize…and most fools do. Conversely, it takes character & self-control to understand & forgive. Instead of condemnation we should try understanding, which leads to sympathy, tolerance, kindness, & forgiveness. Be anxious to praise but loathe to find fault.
mankind from animals. How a person gets their feeling of importance defines who they are and determines their character. People can actually go insane seeking to find, in their insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied to them in reality. Considering that, imagine what you can achieve by giving sane people honest appreciation. Everybody likes compliments. Everybody wants to be appreciated. Studies show that the main reason spouses stray and/or leave is a lack of appreciation. Appreciation is “legal tender that all souls enjoy”. Never underestimate the power of appreciation, confidence, & consideration. We crave it almost as much as we do food. People will do better work & put forth more effort under a spirit of approval than they ever will under a spirit of criticism. The only way to really get anybody to do anything is to make them want to do it. Kind words remain fond memories for years. Conversely, shallow flattery usually fails, doing more harm than good in the long run. Flattery is telling a person precisely what they think of themselves. It comes from the teeth and is cheap, insincere, & selfish, while sincere appreciation comes from the heart & is universally admired. Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you…be afraid of friends who flatter you. We spend 95% of our time thinking about ourselves. If we stop thinking about ourselves & focus on the good points of others we won’t need to resort to flattery…we can show them genuine appreciation, one of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence.
said that “the ability to see other peoples’ point of view as well as one’s own is the key to success”. We are all eternally interested in what we want, so the best way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Every act we have done since the day we were born has been performed because we wanted something. Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature. Action springs from fundamental desire. Even many of the most educated people go thru life without ever discovering how their own mind functions. One who can arouse in others an eager want has the whole world with them, while those who cannot walk a lonely road. The world is full of self-seekers. Therefore, an individual who unselfishly tries to serve others is rare and has an enormous advantage over the self-seeker. We are interested in solving our own problems, and if a person can show us how they can help us do that we’ll be buying without them needing to sell us anything. People who can put themselves in the place of others and understand the workings of their minds won’t ever need to worry about their future.
I first read Dale Carnegie’s Winning Friends & Influencing People three decades ago as a young teenager. I was a nerdy kid with odd tastes in reading material, and the idea of making friends & being influential seemed pretty cool. I can’t honestly say that I have utilized Mr. Carnegie’s concepts in the ensuing years, atleast not intentionally. However, I would like to think that I learned a bit thru osmosis and have been using these techniques on some subconscious level. I recently decided, for no apparent reason, to re-read the book, and since I now have this forum to share my thoughts with the masses I am passing on the ideas within on to The Manoverse. You’re welcome.
NY City & Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh is named). As a matter of fact, Dale Carnagey changed the spelling of his surname to capitalize on the prominence of the highly esteemed steel tycoon & philanthropist. Dale C. was a salesman of modest means who eventually began teaching courses in public speaking. He wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936, and eighty+ years later people are still reading it. Over 30 million copies have been sold, and it is universally regarded as one of the most influential books ever written. Dale Carnegie almost single-handedly created the self-help genre of books, which, depending on one’s perspective, is either a great thing or a sign that the end is near. I tend not to get too caught up in those kinds of books, but an occasional gem pops up, and this is definitely one of the best.
I suppose some might consider the ideas espoused by Carnegie a bit manipulative. However, he makes it very clear…more than once…that anyone who uses the skills he teaches must do so genuinely. Trickery & deceit may work temporarily, but at the end of the day such duplicity is better left to fictional villains on TV & in movies. Keep it real…if there is one major philosophy to take away from the book that might be at the top of the list. Of course there are moments (far too frequently for some of us) when what we are really thinking & feeling and what we’d like to actually say or do would certainly not accomplish the stated goals in the book’s title. It is precisely those situations in which the things taught by Carnegie come in handy. His ideas need to become more of a perpetual attitude & approach to social interaction, not a fraudulent hoax to get what we want. I have found it much easier in my life to be authentic & honest rather than keep track of a trail of lies that tend to multiply exponentially, and being a decent, kind, cooperative person is better for your health & well-being. Other people actually liking you is really just a nice bonus.
make people like you, winning people to your way of thinking, & changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. In the interest of reading comprehension, good eye health, & old-fashioned reader satisfaction I think it is best to separate my contribution here into those four parts, and so I shall. Stay tuned.
The Manofesto 