Halt!! If you haven’t skimmed Part 1 yet take a moment to do so. We’ll leave the light on for you.
I recently “celebrated” my 51st birthday, and I say that with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Don’t misunderstand…it wasn’t a terrible day. It was a normal, average, run-of-the-mill day like so many others, and that’s okay. Birthdays aren’t really that much fun after a certain point. Growing older brings about a level of introspection, which isn’t always a positive experience. It’s been a pretty intense thing for me since The Sickness made the world stop a few years ago, and the truth is that I don’t necessarily enjoy what I see when I look back on my life. I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking thru the past three decades. Exercises like the current one are nerdy fun & quasi-therapeutic, but tend to exacerbate those feelings of discontent. At the end of the day though I am a Samist, which necessitates being open minded while addressing issues with faith, critical thinking, reason, & common sense. That’s just a verbose way of saying I’ll continue get up every day and do what I can do.
21 Give people a second chance, but never a third.
In general I agree, although circumstances alter cases. Such decisions tend to be situational. The gist of the idea seems to be “don’t let people take advantage of your kindness”, which isn’t bad advice. Conversely, the more pious among us might point out the endless chances God gives us daily and the boundless opportunities we have to reconcile with Him via a relationship with Jesus Christ. I wouldn’t argue with that perspective.
22 If you want something and have put in the work to deserve it…ask for it. Remember, closed mouths don’t get fed.
It never hurts to ask. The worst that can happen is that you’re told no. Just be prepared to deal with that. One of my favorite Dadisms is “if you don’t dare you don’t share”.
23 Never take advice from people on the sidelines.
Ehhhh…I don’t know. I can only speak for myself, and lots of folks might opine that I’ve spent the last several years “on the sidelines”. That doesn’t necessarily invalidate my input.
24 Learn one dance move that you can reliably bust out when you inevitably get pushed into the center of a dance circle at a wedding or event.
Well I don’t think I need to worry about that. IYKYK. It’s not a bad idea to learn how to shake your groove thing though. What that looks like will evolve throughout your life, but it’s a good skill to have on some level.
25 Be bored for at least 15 minutes per day. Boredom unlocks creativity.
There’s a happy medium. I wish I had more going on in my life, that I was a busier & more productive person. However, I would never want to be a crazy busy person that’s always on the go. Downtime can be healthy. Does it unlock creativity?? That’s a much more complex query than I want to tackle here, although I assume different people would have a variety of answers.
26 Invest in personalized stationery and use it regularly.
Does anyone actually use stationery anymore??
27 If you’re struggling to fall asleep, try the 4-7-8 method: Breathe in through your nose for a 4-second count, hold your breath for a 7-second count, and exhale for an 8-second count.
That’s a lot of math if I’m trying to go to sleep.
28 Make decisions that your 80-year-old self and 10-year-old self would be proud of.
I’m not 80 yet, but I already know that my 10 year old self would be so disappointed. I had such high hopes & big plans. Unfortunately I lacked the vision & drive to follow thru. That’s as far as I’ll dive into that very deep rabbit hole.
29 Do one hard thing every day when you could do it the easy way.
I don’t disagree, but neither do I believe it’s realistic. We are a culture addicted to convenience. Most of us will always choose the easy way over the hard way. I’m just keeping it real.
30 Spend more time doing things you never regret.
Easier said than done. Think about it…would people do things they regret if they knew in the moment that they’d regret them later on?? Hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps it would be more prudent to say make smarter choices & use your time wisely.
31 When trying to break a bad habit, wear a small rubber band on your wrist and snap it (lightly) on yourself each time you do the thing you’re trying to stop.
I’d be quite curious to know if that actually works. It seems rather simplistic, but hey, if it’s a method that produces positive results for you there’s nothing wrong with utilizing it.
32 If you’re trying to make conversation with someone intimidating, ask what they’re currently working on that they’re most excited about.
Not a bad idea. People love to talk about themselves and what they’re passionate about. Also, people tend to become less intimidating as you age. You realize that they are human beings who aren’t any more special than most people. Maybe they’re really great looking or possess tremendous talent, but as my father would say “they put their pants on one leg at a time just like you & me”. Learn to converse with people. It is invaluable. I am a quiet & reserved person, but if I had the confidence three decades ago that I have now when it comes to interacting with people it might’ve opened a few doors.
33 If you’re about to take an emotion-induced action, wait 24 hours.
Yes, absolutely. Don’t make emotional decisions. Doing so will generally end badly. There’s nothing wrong with having or expressing emotions, but be really careful making snap decisions. Sleep on it. Pray about it. Talk to friends & family. Sure, sometimes that isn’t possible in certain situations, but whether it’s personal or professional just be smart.
34 Be interested in everyone you encounter.
Chances are whoever you are interacting with is much cooler & has a more interesting life than you. That’s not a bad thing. Learn. Ask questions. Listen. Being a good listener is one of the best character traits anyone can possess.
35 To start the day with energy, try the 5-5-5-30 morning routine: when you wake up, do 5 push-ups, 5 squats, 5 lunges, and a 30-second plank.
No 😂
36 To eat healthier, do your shopping on the outer perimeter of the grocery store.
Well I do my grocery shopping online. No matter how you go about the task though, there’s no trick to it. Apples & chicken are healthier than ice cream & cheeseburgers. You already know that, but probably still make the wrong choice way too often. Be smarter & learn self-control. It’s not complicated.
37 Treat your credit card like a debit card.
I don’t even use credit cards unless it’s absolutely necessary. A debit card is cool because you don’t need to carry much cash, which in today’s crazy world is a good thing. Most of the people in my orbit are struggling on some level, so wise financial decisions are essential.
38 Create an automated deposit for a small amount of money into an investment account every month.
That’s a great idea of you can spare some extra cash. Financial literacy is woefully lacking and should be taught in schools. If you start putting away a few bucks consistently when you’re a young adult it will become one of the best decisions you ever made a few decades later.
39 Carry a notebook everywhere you go. Stop trying to remember things and just write everything down.
I use the notes app on my phone.
40 Have one thing in your life that you are bad at (but love doing).
I can think of a few things that’d qualify for me. Being good at something is awesome, but developing a lifelong appreciation no matter what your skill level may be is a worthy investment of your time.
Occasionally I run across things in my travels down the info superhighway that deserve more than a repost on social media. Obviously I’m an opinionated guy, and self reflection is a pseudo hobby. Ol’ Blue Eyes once sang “Mistakes…I’ve made a few, but then again, too few to mention”. Well, good for him. As for me, I’ve made much more than a few errors, and, while it doesn’t do much good to dwell on such things, when I engage in an exercise like this it is unavoidable. I feel confident in opining that most of us wish we had the kind of knowledge at the age of 20 that we possess a few decades later, but let’s see how many of these particular nuggets of wisdom I perceive as authentic.
1 When you think something nice about someone, let them know right then.
Okay, I can get onboard with that. Being a nice person is generally a wise idea, although I believe the issue being referenced is the reticence many of us that are more reserved might feel in being that open, which I understand.
2 Never think twice about investments in yourself. They pay dividends for a long time.
If you were raised a certain way this advice may be perceived as selfish. I get that, but the difference between 20 & 50 is realizing that taking care of yourself isn’t a bad thing because most of the time you are the only person you can count on.
3 Put your alarm clock in the bathroom. If you have to get up to turn it off, you won’t snooze.
Not bad advice at all. The snooze button is one of the more low key wicked inventions of all time. Don’t be lazy…get your ass out of bed!!
4 If you want to get better at anything, do it for 30 minutes per day for 30 straight days.
Author Malcolm Gladwell wrote about his 10,000 Rule, which essentially means you need to practice something for 10,000 hours to become truly proficient. If you practice 30 minutes per day it would take you almost 55 years to really become great using Gladwell’s rule, so that math ain’t mathin’. There’s got to be a happy medium, right?? Having said that, I think 30 minutes for 30 days is atleast a good start.
5 Hire a writer to document your parents’ childhood stories. Print it with old photos.
It’s a fantastic idea, not only for parents but grandparents too. Realistically though, no one does that. Life gets in the way. We get busy. However, if I knew then what I know now (which is kind of the point of this project) I think I’d use technology to do something akin to it. How cool would it be to have a bunch of video of long gone loved ones?? Younger generations have a leg up on us older folks with social media & smart phones. They document everything anyway, so why not “interview” your parents & grandparents while they’re still around?? Trust me kids…you might think it’s silly in the moment, but decades from now you’ll be so happy you did it.
6 Write down three things you’re grateful for before bed. Read them out loud when you wake up.
I could get onboard with something like that. Just forcing yourself to reflect on what you should be grateful for is a worthy use of time.
7 Go for a 15 minute walk every morning. It has a positive impact on your mood, sleep, metabolism, digestion, and more.
Well, I can’t walk ♿️, but otherwise I agree. Exercise & fresh air are never bad ideas, and I wish that had been ingrained into my lifestyle many years ago.
8 Always pursue the path that has the larger luck surface area.
I had no idea what that meant, so I looked it up. Luck surface area is “the amount of exposure an individual or organization has to opportunities & resources that can lead to success. The larger the luck surface area, the more opportunities & resources one is exposed to and the more likely they are to experience good luck.” If I’m reading that correctly it boils down to networking, putting yourself out there, taking chances, & engaging with others as much as possible. I didn’t realize until I was in my 40s that I’ve been in survival mode my entire life, taught to play it safe & not take chances. Consequently I’ve lived a very small, ineffective, hollow life. Nothing I’ve done really matters. I’m not blaming anybody…I take responsibility for my own shortcomings. That being said, I encourage anyone to mostly do the opposite of what I have done.
9 Tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every single day.
If I had a significant other I would happily do just that.
10 Do a few things that you’ll be excited to tell your kids about someday. Create stories worth telling.
Sadly I don’t have any children, and I wouldn’t have any cool stories to tell them anyway. I haven’t gone anywhere or accomplished anything noteworthy. Good advice though.
11 Spend 15 minutes every evening preparing for your first focus tasks the next morning.
That sounds very…corporate.
12 If someone tries to put down your accomplishments, cut them out of your life.
No worries there…on multiple levels. In a vacuum though I will agree with the sentiment. If you have people in your life trying to tear you down get rid of them. That doesn’t mean you want a bunch of sycophants who coddle you, but it’s possible to be forthright with constructive criticism without being a douchenozzle.
13 Take yourself out for a meal alone once each month. It’s an insanely freeing meditative experience.
Thankfully I’ve never minded going out to eat by myself. Actually that’s been the prevailing circumstance in my life.
14 When you’re starting your career, swallow the frog for your boss to get ahead. Observe your boss, figure out what they hate doing, and take it off their plate. Easy win.
That’s not bad counsel. Just don’t become an asskisser. No one likes that, and ultimately the boss won’t respect you.
15. When someone is going through hell, just say “I’m with you.’ Advice is minimally impactful. The notion that someone is with you is 10x more powerful.
Absolutely. Most of the time people just need someone to listen while they vent and agree with their emotional ranting. It’s a pretty easy gig, yet so valuable.
16 If someone regularly brags about their wealth, income, or success, just assume the reality is about 50% of what they say.
No one likes a braggart.
17 Reread your favorite books annually. You may read thousands of books in your life, but there will only be a few that deeply change you. Reread them every single year.
I’m not sure I totally agree, but neither do I disagree. It’s comforting to read your favorite books again just as we enjoy watching the same movies & TV shows repeatedly or listening to the same music over & over. However, whenever I’m re-reading a book part of me feels guilty for not investing that time in a book I’ve not read yet.
18 Never delay difficult conversations. If you’re nervous, do it on a walk, it makes it much easier.
Attack the issue. Don’t procrastinate. Deal with it. That’s what adults do.
19 Do the “old fashioned” things well. Look people in the eye, have a firm handshake, and always stay true to your word.
Absolutely!!
20 If you’re about to say yes to something on the assumption that you’ll have more time for it in the future, say no instead.
YES!! Don’t be so quick to get yourself into a situation you’ll regret. Your time & energy are precious commodities. Learning to say “no” is powerful & pragmatic.
Let’s take a break & finish up in a couple of days.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
There might be more vile people on Earth, but Oprah Winfrey & Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson have to atleast be in the conversation. They embody everything I despise about out of touch celebrity types, trying desperately to portray a kind & generous image that masks an elitist mindset while looking down on the fans who put them on an undeserved pedestal. If you’re under the impression that they recently contributed $10 million to relief efforts in Maui you might want to do a little more research. Satan’s Favorite Talk Show Host, who is worth around $3 BILLION, and the former WWE Champion who has starred in a few reasonably entertaining movies and has a net worth of just under a billion dollars, seem to have pulled the wool over many peoples’ eyes. While either/or could have simply written a check that’d rebuild Hawaii’s second largest island after devastating wildfires, they instead “pledged” money that they expect YOU to donate that they will then contribute in THEIR name, basking in all the positive press & social media pats on the back in the process. It’s a sinful shell game, and they should be ashamed of themselves.
So apparently “time blindness” is a thing now. I weep for our society 😂.
Christopher Gadsden was a delegate to the Continental Congress during the American Revolution. He was a brigadier general in the army & served as Lt. Governor of South Carolina from 1780-82. In 1775 he designed what became known as the Gadsden Flag, with a snake & the words “Don’t Tread on Me” prominently featured. The flag was created as a sign of unity amongst the 13 colonies, as a warning to Great Britain not to mess with American freedom. In recent years it has become popular amongst conservatives, representing wariness of corrupt big government. Not long ago a 12 year old Colorado boy got in trouble at school when ignorant leftist “educators” saw a Gadsden flag symbol on his backpack and tried to say it “had origins in slavery”. Fortunately the kid is not a fool & neither are his parents. The school board was actually forced to apologize, which is glorious. I used to have so much respect for teachers, and still do for the most part. However, it is clear that public schools nationwide have been infiltrated by “progressive” types whose job of teaching math, science, social studies, history, English, et al oftentimes takes a back seat to their mission of advocating for “social justice” and indoctrinating the next generation of faithful little Marxists. Too many of these “teachers” don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and rely on children & parents to simply accept propaganda disguised as scholarship. One of my favorite high school teachers used to say “Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them”. Perhaps that should be amended to “Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to be lied to by self-righteous morons masquerading as responsible adults”.
It never hurts to have a refresher:

I understand mental illness and feel empathy for those that suffer any form of it. However, what I don’t get is people who are seemingly proud of their…situation…and expect everyone else to just overlook it, or worse, indulge their behavior. What I observe is people who use their affliction as an excuse for rudeness, lack of respect, and thoughtlessness. They have nothing but contempt for normalcy and seemingly go out of their way to embrace chaos. It’s not that they don’t know that there’s something awry. On the contrary…they are well aware of their issues, but instead of doing the work to get better they demand the rest of us lower the bar. Sorry, but that’s not how I roll.
If you want people to even think about taking you seriously when you “identify” as a woman then maybe you ought to consider shaving off that beard 🧔🏻.

Upon the tragic death of pro wrestler Windham Rotunda (aka Bray Wyatt), social media reposted this little ditty that he’d written awhile back. I’ve been a wrestling fan since I was ten years old, and my Dad always used to tease me, saying “Son, that stuff is gonna disease your damn mind!!”. Wrestling has experienced a few boom periods in my lifetime, and stars like Hulk Hogan, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, & John Cena achieved a certain level of mainstream popularity & success. However, it’s always been a challenge to explain the appeal of “sports entertainment” to those not familiar, outside of appropriately describing it as a “male soap opera”. After reading Rotunda’s words I finally feel understood. Godspeed to the young man’s family, especially his four children.
I have referenced the Tom Hanks film Cast Away in this space on numerous occasions. Most people would opine that, despite an Oscar nominated performance by Hanks and being directed by the incomparable Robert Zemeckis, it is a flawed movie…good but not great. I wouldn’t argue with that assessment, although much like 1993’s Groundhog Day, which elicits similar lukewarm reactions from most, I see beneath the surface and view it as quite profound.
For reasons unknown to me Cast Away is randomly on television with some regularity, and more than two decades after its release I am still drawn to it as often as life allows. It was during a recent viewing that I was struck by something that I had previously overlooked.
I don’t think I’m spoiling much at this point in revealing that Hanks’ Chuck Noland survives for several years on a remote island, and is rescued from the sea after a daring escape. On his way home Noland’s best friend tells him that his fiancée Kelly had moved on, that she is married to another man & has a child. He tells Chuck that everyone thought he was dead and they’d held a funeral for him, including a casket. Obviously there was no body, so Chuck incredulously asks what was in the coffin.
If you’ve seen the movie you’ll recall that Chuck is a VIP at Federal Express, and the value of time is a key theme. His life is quite hectic & busy, with everything running on a very tight schedule. That is contrasted with his solitary, decidedly idle stay on the island. At any rate, his buddy informs Chuck that folks tossed different items into his empty coffin…items that seem to represent his life. Photos. Pagers. Elvis Presley CDs (Chuck is a big Elvis fan).
The idea that our entire lives can or should be represented by “stuff” is somewhat disturbing. Hopefully most of us are remembered more for things we did or accomplished, how we made people feel, what we produced, and our personalities & character. However, Cast Away does provoke a fascinating thought process. If…if…you were to perish in a horrific accident and your body not recovered, what would be in your empty coffin?? What items do you think people would choose to honor your memory?? If your friends & family did attempt, in their grief, to summarize your existence with “stuff”, what would those things be?? And if you’re being honest with yourself are you satisfied with the answers?? Though it is never expressly stated, one can fairly assume that Chuck Noland probably wasn’t happy to hear than anyone summed up his life with a pager. How sad.
I’m not trying to be morbid. That’s never been my thing. However, I have pondered my legacy and probably spent too much time caring what other people think of me (the answer to that, for most of us, is that others rarely think of us at all). There are two key differences between Chuck Noland and the rest of us. First, obviously…he is a fictional character. More importantly though, within the context of the present exercise, is that Chuck Noland, against all odds, logic, and mathematical certainty, received a do-over after several years of pondering his life & regrets in utter solitude. Conversely, we are unlikely to ever find ourselves marooned on an island, and even less likely to be rescued in that circumstance. However, we do have an opportunity to start fresh every additional day that God gives us. So think about it. What would be in your empty coffin?? And would you like to change those things??
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
I’m not a boycott kind of guy. Never have been, never will be. If I enjoy a product but decide to stop buying it because of some sort of sociopolitical brouhaha the only person I’m really hurting is myself. It takes a huge amount of people to impact a billion dollar company, and boycotts rarely reach that kind of fever pitch. Having said that, if you feel the need to switch to a new beer after Anheuser-Busch’s misguided decision to indulge the delusions of a dude who dresses up like a woman & has become a “social media star”, then by all means do so. Whatever floats your boat. Kid Rock, Travis Tritt, and a few other famous types have made their displeasure with the Bud Light folks known, and that’s cool. Personally, I can’t remember the last time I drank beer, and if I do decide to imbibe I think my palate has evolved anyway, so I don’t give a damn about the product. That being said, marketing execs really should know their audience, and the backlash Anheuser-Busch has received is well-deserved on multiple levels, especially for being completely out of touch with their core customer base.
Hey Bro…I’m just trying to watch the ball game, and you’re sitting here yapping about some freakin’ dog that’s not mine so I have zero reason to care. Please STFU 🙄.
If you make no effort to interact with me or show any level of interest then I will make the natural assumption that you’re not interested and treat you accordingly 🤷🏻♂️. Life isn’t a TV show or movie. I will NOT chase or beg ANYONE…platonic or romantic. I am used to being alone at this point and have neither the energy or inclination to play games. Funny how technology makes it easier than it’s ever been to maintain contact with people, yet I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been in my life.

In case you haven’t been paying attention (and no one would blame you if you stopped long ago), it has become crystal clear that the much ballyhooed January 6 (2021) “insurrection” was indeed a seditious conspiracy to overthrow the United States government. What may surprise many of you (but not all of us) is that it was a plot conceived & executed to perfection by leftist/Marxist Democrats, including people at the highest levels of our government, to end the perceived “threat” of President Donald Trump. The FBI is absolutely filthy…corrupt to its core. We are still waiting for the “smoking gun” that’ll nail congressional “leaders” like Nancy Pelosi and others to the wall, but it’s been rather obvious for awhile that they were part of the plan. Their faux outrage & righteous indignation, along with the ridiculous made-for-television hearings, have been a ploy all along, with the bought & paid for news media dutifully playing their part. Will the absolute pieces of human garbage responsible for all of this ever be held accountable?? Probably not, which is profoundly unfortunate.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
Well, the “conspiracy” theory has been proven as fact. Many of us have questioned the efficacy & safety of the Covid “vaccine” for awhile, but we had to be extremely careful with comments online because “fact” checkers do NOT want anyone with common sense & critical thinking skills to weigh in with truth, logic, and pesky statistics. That seems to be over now, as “legitimate” outlets like NBC, Sky News, & CNN have published a recent study that confirms “immunity generated from an infection was found to be at least as high, if not higher than that provided by two doses of an mRNA vaccine”, and “immunity acquired from a Covid infection provides strong, lasting protection against the most severe outcomes of the illness”. In other words, y’all were straight up lied to while Big Pharma & career politicians walked away with a financial windfall & absolutely no legal culpability. At best the “vaccine” that so many proud parents cheerfully boasted on social media about having pumped into their innocent children is marginally effective, while we’ll probably never be told the truth about the worst end of the spectrum. Sadly people will continue to “die unexpectedly”, and the ignorant masses will disregard this latest news while gladly receiving booster after booster after booster. Pathetic.
I know occasionally it is meant with sincerity, but ladies, men hate when you call us sweet. It’s dismissive. It is low key derogatory. It’s a gut punch to be perfectly honest. Please come up with something fresh & original.
One of the great mysteries of life is how the hell noted bartending enthusiast Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez became a U.S. Congresswoman. However, I think I may have cracked the case to some degree. I’m still trying to figure out why otherwise intelligent people admire AOC, but an undeniable fact I have stumbled upon is that she is a hero to really stupid people, and sadly there seems to be no shortage of them. Idiots see themselves in AOC…a humble waitress & bartender who became the youngest woman ever elected to Congress. She is a freakin’ Lifetime movie, so it makes sense for such an individual to become a role model to pole workers, service industry laborers, anyone under 40 sucking the government teat, and miserable small town nobodies who think Olive Garden is fine dining & grocery store wine is the height of sophistication. It doesn’t matter that 90% of the drivel that comes out of her mouth is demonstrably false and/or embarrassingly ignorant. The masses don’t even pay attention to what AOC says. It’s the cult of personality, and she isn’t the only beneficiary, just one of the most blatant examples of how dangerous it can be.
Pro Tip: If you have to call off from your job it doesn’t need to be a ten minute conversation. Just. Stop. Talking.
In 1972 Senator Thomas Eagleton was initially chosen as the running mate for Democrat Presidential nominee George McGovern, until it was discovered that he’d previously undergone electroshock therapy for severe depression. I wasn’t yet born when Eagleton was forced off the ticket, so I will refrain from opining on the rights & wrongs of the situation and how it was handled. However, isn’t it interesting that a half century later newly elected Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, mere weeks after taking office, has been hospitalized for depression and it’s barely being reported by the press?? Many will see it as a sign of how enlightened we’ve become about mental health in our modern society, and in a vacuum they might have a valid point. However, given Fetterman’s already poor physical health and questions surrounding how fit he is to serve that have been a topic of discussion since he was on the campaign trail, I believe the current circumstance should raise major red flags. Those of us with a functioning brain have always thought that Fetterman was a prop, with the goal of keeping that seat in Democrat hands no matter who the actual Senator might eventually be. Rumors have swirled for some time now that his wife, a Brazilian born community organizer, was or would become the real power behind the puppet and eventually replace him when they can no longer hide his deficiencies (not that they ever did a good job of that in the first place). I suppose we’re about to find out. What I find truly insulting is that leftists aren’t even playing coy or trying to conceal their agenda anymore. They brazenly put it all out there in full view, knowing that the American public can’t be bothered to pay attention.
Welcome back to the exciting conclusion of the 2022 Sammy Awards!! If you missed out on Part 1 or Part 2 please go back & check them out. Let’s give one more big round of applause for our host, comedian Jim Gaffigan!!!!
After more delightful stories from our host it’s time to greet the next presenter. Once upon a time he finished as the runner-up in the Heisman Trophy voting, then played in the NFL for five years. He segued into acting, with roles in a handful of movies no one has ever heard of, but made an impact on television, most notably portraying a cop for five years on Hill Street Blues. Please give a warm welcome to Ed Marinaro!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Movie
Being the Ricardos
I know who Lucille Ball is, but I’m just a skosh too young to be a fan. Nevertheless, I enjoy a good biopic. I’ve never quite understood the appeal of Nicole Kidman…she’s not that attractive and has never been the reason I watched any movie. Despite an Oscar nomination for Best Actress I feel like Kidman is miscast, and the plot about Ball being an accused Communist is a total dud. I fell asleep in the middle of the film.
The Tender Bar
Here’s what I assume happened. Director George Clooney read the book this movie is based on & liked it. He decided he wanted to adapt it into a film, and because he’s George Clooney the green light was given, no questions asked. Clooney cast his buddy Ben Affleck in a pivotal role, and because Affleck is a much better actor than anyone gives him credit for he knocks it out of the park. As far as the story goes, it’s a coming-of-age tale about a kid growing up in the 70’s with his single mother, maternal grandparents, & a tavern owner uncle who fills the shoes left mostly empty by a deadbeat Dad. It’s well-written with solid performances, but honestly not that compelling or memorable.
Dog
I’m a sucker for any movie starring a dog…or atleast I used to be. Since my Rocco passed a few years ago such fare is a bit tougher to watch, but I headed to the cineplex to check out this one, starring Channing Tatum as an injured soldier tasked with driving an unruly dog to his master’s funeral. It’s cute, occasionally funny, sporadically poignant, & makes a perfunctory attempt at being thoughtful. It has become a fairly common cinematic theme in recent years…films that can’t decide whether to be straight up comedy or inspirational & heartwarming, so they straddle the line between both and end up not really achieving either goal.
Top Gun: Maverick
I’ve never really felt the need…the need for speed. I’m built for comfort and drive like my Grandma. Anyway, I digress. The original Top Gun is an 80’s time capsule film for Gen-X, with its iconic soundtrack, remarkable supporting cast (Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer, Meg Ryan, Tim Robbins), and megastar status of Tom Cruise, who was already box office gold when the movie hit theaters and has remained in close proximity to the spotlight for nearly four decades. Why didn’t they do an immediate sequel to the highest grossing film of 1986?? I’m sure the answer is available with some fairly painless research, but I’m not that energetic. Better questions would be “is 35 years later too late??”, or “at 59 years old is Tom Cruise too old to be an action star??”. Ehhhh…I’d answer “perhaps” to both queries. The belated sequel finds Maverick still holding on as a test pilot, having never advanced in rank like one would expect. He’s called back to Top Gun to train an elite group of young pilots for a dangerous mission, but no one seems to really want him there, especially the grown son of Maverick’s late wingman Goose. Maverick fulfills its dual mission as popcorn cinema & stirring nostalgia. I suppose it would have made more logical sense a decade ago, but that’s a small nit to pick.
Elvis
Is it an Elvis biopic…or the story of Col. Tom Parker?? It’s kind of both. We get a perfunctory glimpse of young Presley’s modest childhood in Mississippi & his fascination with blues & gospel music, then skip quickly to his early days as a singer, which is when Parker becomes enamored & decides to make the lad a star. Most folks know how the rest of the story goes. I had low expectations going into the movie because I’m not a fan of director Baz Luhrmann’s unique & flamboyant style, but his ostentatiousness works quite well in this case. Obviously the music is fantastic…that’s a given. I fully expect Austin Butler to receive an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Elvis Presley, and you either like or hate Tom Hanks’ interpretation of Col. Parker. I don’t hate it & think Hanks will be Oscar nominated for the seventh time.
Hocus Pocus 2
1993’s Hocus Pocus was a box office flop, but in recent years it has evolved into a family friendly Halloween cult classic. The sequel is surprisingly decent, with a similar vibe as its predecessor. It starts out a little slow, but once The Sanderson Sisters are back on the scene business picks up exponentially. The only nit to be picked is that the filmmakers couldn’t find some way to include any of the other original cast members, which is certainly a missed opportunity.
The Batman
I lowered my expectations. I scoffed at casting the guy from Twilight as The Caped Crusader. But I’ll be damned if it didn’t exceed the low bar I’d set. It’s a very atmospheric film…less hellbent on the “realism” of the Dark Knight movies, but grittier than the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher efforts that put Gotham City back in the spotlight three decades ago. Setting the action at a time when several key characters…Batman, Riddler, Joker, Jim Gordon, Catwoman…are (in the story) yet to become the deeply established icons we know they will be gives them room to grow & breathe. There is significant potential for a long running series if all the major players agree to remain involved.
Marry Me
I’m a rom-com guy, I really am. Some of my most favorite movies (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle) are romantic comedies. I just can’t buy into this one though, as much as part of me really wants to do so. Owen Wilson & J-Lo are undeniably charming leads, but the premise is so preposterous (pop singer marries random dude in the middle of a concert) that the whole film doesn’t quite click for me. It comes close. I don’t hate it, but it misses the mark.
A Christmas Story Christmas
It’s a bit tedious at first, but by the end recaptures just a hint of the magic of the perennial Christmas classic. The recast of the mother doesn’t work for me, but it was nice to see several other original cast members. It’s a little too focused on callbacks to the first film, although I understand that. I just would’ve preferred a more original story versus obsequious fan service to its predecessor.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Top Gun: Maverick. This was a tough choice. Nostalgia was big in 2022, but Maverick did it with panache. The story made sense, the cinematic experience was unparalleled, and as much grief as a lot of people (including yours truly) likes to give Tom Cruise, the truth is that he’s good at what he does. Maverick is popcorn cinema at its best, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.
Ed Marinaro wanted to present the next award, but the NFL warned us about him, so security has intervened.
At the young age of 22 our next presenter has built quite a following on social media. We normally mock “influencers”, but that’s because so many have so little to offer. However, a former leftist radical “woman of color” who saw the error of her ways and now allows the masses access to her unique point of view via viral videos is an “influencer” worthy of attention & respect. She’s smart, she’s fun, and she has tremendous potential to be a significant voice to an entire generation that has been led down the wrong path & lied to by too many people entrusted with guiding them in the right direction. Please give a warm welcome to Amala Ekpunobi!! And the nominees are:
GlugGlug Award for Favorite Water Cooler Topic
Whoopi Goldberg
Can someone please explain to me how this woman is still employed?? As an actress she used to be entertaining, but as a talk show host she’s an ignorant, mean spirited blowhard. Last January Goldberg actually opined on The View that The Holocaust was “not about race”. Not even ABC could ignore the negative reaction, and she was suspended from the show. It wasn’t the first idiotic thing Goldberg has said, and it won’t be the last. Heck, she reiterated her Holocaust comments not long ago, but no action was taken. The hatemongers at Disney seem to welcome inflammatory rhetoric, as long as the offender shares the “correct” sociopolitical beliefs.
Coca-Cola Starlight
It’s supposed to taste like space. I don’t know. Just give me a Pepsi.
Wordle
Wordle captured the attention of the masses last year, becoming an online sensation as folks shared their results daily on social media. The game involves six attempts to guess a five-letter word, with the only clues being green tiles when you have the right letter in the right space, and yellow tiles when you have the right letter in the wrong space. I had a 200 word streak going before deciding to retire after about seven months of daily wordplay.
Johnny Depp & Amber Heard
I’ve never really understood the hype around Johnny Depp. He’s a decent actor that’s been in some reasonably entertaining films, but that’s about as far as it goes. Anyway, last spring Depp & his former girlfriend Amber Heard (ostensibly an actress herself) faced off in court for reasons unclear to me. It was as if the American public was once again chasing an elusive high we haven’t felt since the OJ Simpson trial nearly three decades ago. From what I gathered (because it was impossible to totally ignore) neither Depp or Heard came off all that well. Who cares?? Read a freakin’ book folks.
Spotify
I use Amazon Music myself. At any rate, last January Spotify came under fire for Joe Rogan’s podcast because he was allegedly disseminating Covid 19 misinformation (i.e. the truth). To their credit the platform declined to remove Rogan’s show, so a bunch of over-the-hill musicians who haven’t been relevant in decades (Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, & Nils Lofgren to name a few) decided to boycott Spotify. To my knowledge Spotify found the strength to soldier on, and Rogan’s podcast is as popular as ever. You showed them Neil Young!! Way to go!! Keep up the good work!! 🙄
Will Smith & Chris Rock at The Oscars
It was the Slap Heard ‘Round the World. I haven’t watched The Academy Awards in many years, and 2022 was no exception. But as I was working on other things that night I began to see stories & comments pop up on social media about The Fresh Prince bitch slapping the SNL alum. Needless to say it got my attention, and I quickly caught up with what was going on. Nearly a year later I still can’t believe that actually happened!!
Monkey Pox
They tried. The fear mongers attempted to sell us on another deadly disease that would lead to more power & control for them over us, but thankfully we’ve wised up just a bit.
Kanye West
For God’s sake why won’t this piece of dung go away?? He changes his name every five minutes. He inserts himself into politics. We are all way too familiar with his personal life. He says outrageous things on social media & in interviews. Bro…your wife ditched you for a mediocre comedian who looks like a homeless guy!! Look in the mirror. Search your soul. But please do it out of the public eye cause we’re done with your shenanigans.
Bennifer 2.0
Twenty years ago the romance of marginally talented singer Jennifer Lopez & deceptively capable actor Ben Affleck captured the hearts of a nation. But they broke up & moved on to other lovers (in her case…several others). Good news though!! In 2022 they reunited and got married!! Hope really does spring eternal, especially if you’re ridiculously good looking, super wealthy, & really famous.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Chris Rock. Only Rock receives the award, because we don’t reward violence here. He deserves a trophy for dealing with the situation in a calm, professional manner. How many would have fought back and started a melee on live television?? I bet the vast majority of us would have reacted that way. I understand that some conspiracy theorists think it was all a setup, perhaps even planned by the powers-that-be to ignite interest in The Academy Awards, which has had poor TV ratings & been bleeding viewership for several years. I’m not buying that. Was it compelling television?? Sure. Hell, we’re still talking about it nearly a year later, right?? But I think it was very real. My issue is that the folks in charge should’ve called an audible and NOT handed an Oscar to Will Smith that same night. The optics were horrendously bad.
To present our last award of the evening we’d like to welcome an actor & social media star who had parts in movies like Casino, OnceUpon a Time in America, and Nixon. He has received two Academy Award nominations, and now has finally made it to the Sammy stage. In recent years he has become an outcast in Hollywood because of his sociopolitical views, but we are happy to welcome him with open arms. Please get up on your feet for James Woods!! And the nominees are!!
Biggest News Story
Russia/Ukraine Conflict
Russia doing Russian things. Are we surprised?? The situation has actually been ongoing for awhile, but escalated last February when Russia full on invaded Ukraine. Since then Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has become a folk hero & the United States has sent hundreds of billions of dollars (of OUR money) to support the underdogs in this fight. Our “leaders” are more concerned with border security in Ukraine than they are America.
The Clot Shot
Otherwise healthy 20/30/40-somethings dropping dead has become all too common. World class athletes keeling over isn’t normal. Big Pharma is making billions of dollars but is somehow insulated from legal consequences. We have a “vaccine” that doesn’t cure what it allegedly was invented to cure, and the argument that it minimizes symptoms & prevents the illness from being deadly doesn’t hold water since we all know fully vaxxed & boostered people who died anyway. Something is rotten about all of it, especially the media & our government running cover for the whole deal. I’m much more scared of the “cure” than the disease.
Midterm Elections
What a disappointment. I don’t understand how anyone with common sense & critical thinking skills can look at what’s been happening the past two years and think the status quo is good. Conservatives should’ve practically swept both houses of Congress. Instead, Democrats held onto the Senate while Republicans barely gained a small majority in the House of Representatives. I understand that Dr. Oz wasn’t the best candidate, but what in the hell were Pennsylvania voters thinking by voting for a recovering stroke victim unable to string together a coherent sentence, who dresses like a homeless beggar, and clearly isn’t physically or mentally capable of holding public office?? The “red wave” so many of my Republican friends were excited about became an underwhelming red trickle, and I think a little self-reflection is in order to figure out exactly why.
Canadian Freedom Convoy
In January 2022 over a thousand vehicles formed convoys from several points in Canada to protest Covid 19 restrictions that threatened the livelihoods of truck drivers, which in turn affected the supply chain in Canada & the United States. They traveled thru multiple Canadian provinces before converging on the capital city of Ottawa. Sadly, the protesters didn’t accomplish their mission, as the maniacal dictatorships in Canada & America united to squash the rebellion. Hundreds were arrested, and eventually the media stopped talking about it.
Roe v. Wade
I never thought it would happen, but it did. Should the landmark 1973 decision have been overturned?? It’s a discussion full of nuance, which isn’t something we’re very good at in modern America. Too many of us look at things thru the prism of black/white, right/wrong, right/left. We prefer a “one size fits all” solution, but the truth is life is rarely that easy. We like to deal in absolutes, but almost everything has grey areas.
Gun Control
It ebbs & flows. Everyone stops talking about it for awhile, then something happens and the histrionics begin anew. On May 24, 2022 an 18 year old former student went into a grade school in Uvalde, TX and killed 19 kids & two teachers. School staff had inadvertently left an outside door open allowing easy access, and it was later proven thru video footage that law enforcement lacked urgency in their response (and that’s being kind). What is the right way to deal with these kinds of tragedies?? Well, we’re back to the whole black & white, cut & dried thing. On one hand, no one…and I mean absolutely no normal, sane person…thinks mass shootings are okay. However, on the flip side, some folks need to read The Constitution. Not just read it, but comprehend it. Emotional responses to these shootings, especially when children are involved, are completely understandable. That being said, if we let the powers-that-be continue to chip away at our rights soon we won’t have any. It’s another complex issue made more difficult by deceitful media & self-serving, traitorous politicians.
J6 Hearings
I can’t believe we’re still talking about “The Insurrection”. As stated a year ago, it should have never happened, it was a bad idea, and it was an exercise in futility. That being said, it’s been blown way out of proportion. There has likely been a traffic accident within a ten mile radius of your house in the past month with more loss of life. Unfortunately, the Democrat controlled Congress couldn’t let it go. They have been hellbent & determined to put President Trump in prison, and used the debacle as an excuse to spit on The Constitution, because that’s what Democrats do. For seemingly endless months in 2022 they conducted Congressional hearings, mostly out of spite. I don’t know what they hoped to accomplish, but most Americans would prefer they get back to work addressing legitimate issues that affect average citizens on a daily basis. That’s what a representative government is supposed to do.
Inflation
I hated economics in school. I’m not a numbers guy. However, it doesn’t take a PhD to know that we’re paying double or even triple what we paid for things like gas, food, appliances, clothes, etc. than we did two years ago. The Biden Administration tries to gaslight the American people by blaming everything else but their misguided policies & woke agenda that bows at the altar of climate change & identity politics, and sends hundreds of billions of dollars to Ukraine. Sadly their strategy seems to work.
Twitter & Elon Musk
Billionaire Elon Musk began flirting with the idea of buying social media giant Twitter last January, and after many stops & starts he actually did the deal in October. The acquisition was quite a saga, but the aftermath has been even more sensational, though you won’t hear much about it from your legacy news outlets. Musk has exposed just how corrupt social media has become, showing us that the Second Amendment isn’t the only part of The Constitution under attack. It is alarming to realize just how much social media has framed & controlled public discourse on topics like elections & Covid 19. Alarming, but hardly surprising. Newspapers & television have been doing the same thing for decades…controlling the narrative, steering things in the direction the power brokers want them to go. Elon Musk, like President Trump before him, simply shined a spotlight on just how dirty those entities are and how much they truly influence nearly everything. You’ve read 1984, but you didn’t realize you were living it…until now.
Farewell Queen Elizabeth
Elizabeth Windsor Mountbatten was crowned Queen of the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales, & Northern Ireland) at the age of 25 after the death of her father, King George VI. Queen Elizabeth II reigned until her death at the age of 96 this past September. The United States gained our independence from England more than two centuries ago, so I couldn’t possibly care less about the British monarchy, but it is a noteworthy story.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Roe v. Wade. In the wake of the stunning reversal on the case I saw posts from otherwise intelligent individuals pushing the narrative that women would now be imprisoned for having a miscarriage. That’s the kind of insanity that this whole thing inspired. It is probably healthy for us to have the discussion, but hopefully we’ve gotten much of the crazy filtered out of it by now. All that (most) opponents of Roe v. Wade ever wanted was for young women perfectly capable of carrying a child to go thru with the pregnancy, and then once the child is born to either raise it themselves or put it in the hands of someone willing & able, through legal channels like adoption. I don’t believe that is too much to ask in most cases. Having said that, there are so many layers to the debate that it is important to have meaningful, intelligent discourse. Those arguments are likely more productive at the state & local level, which is the actual point of overturning Roe v. Wade. Debate at the state & local level allows you & me to have a voice, which we really don’t when it comes to federal law or court decisions that become law. Abortion didn’t suddenly become illegal in 2022…it just became more challenging. Is that good or bad?? That’s a great question.
legendary Pittsburgh Steelers running back Franco Harris…Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II…Boston Celtics Hall-of-Famer Bill Russell…historian & writer David McCullough (Truman, Mornings on Horseback, John Adams)…renowned actress & singer Olivia Newton-John (Grease)…iconic sports broadcaster Vin Scully…actor & beloved hunker downer Leslie Jordan…MLB Hall-of-Fame pitcher Gaylord Perry…former Soviet Union President Mikhail Gorbachev…soccer legend Pele…comedians Gilbert Gottfried, Judy Tenuta, & Louis Anderson…pro wrestlers Antonio Inoki, Scott Hall, Rocky King, Sara Lee, commentator Don West, and referees Tim White & Dave Hebner…television producer Burt Metcalfe (MASH)…former Philadelphia Phillies executive Lee Thomas & former San Francisco 49ers GM John McVay…actresses Maggie Peterson (The Andy Griffith Show), Nichelle Nichols (Star Trek), Angela Lansbury (Murder She Wrote), Kirstie Alley (Cheers, Summer School), Kathryn Hays (As the World Turns), Liz Sheridan (ALF, Seinfeld), Estelle Harris (Seinfeld), Farrah Forke (Wings), Barrie Youngfellow (It’sa Living), Marnie Schulenburg (As the World Turns), Anne Heche (Another World), Virginia Patton (It’s A Wonderful Life), Louise Fletcher (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest), Rita Gardner (TheWedding Singer), and Sonya Eddy (General Hospital, Seinfeld)…sports reporters & ESPN personalities John Clayton & Hank Goldberg and CNN sportscaster Fred Hickman…former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, former National Security Advisor Robert McFarlane, and former U.S Senator Orrin Hatch (Utah)…retired boxer Earnie Shavers…songwriters Jerry Allison (That’ll Be the Day, Peggy Sue) & Lenny Lipton (Puff the Magic Dragon)…Hall of Fame golfer Kathy Whitworth…journalists Barbara Walters (ABC), Bernard Shaw (CNN) and Bill Plante (CBS)…NFL players Dwayne Haskins (Washington Redskins, Pittsburgh Steelers) & Jaylon Ferguson (Baltimore Ravens)…talent manager George Shapiro (managed Andy Kaufman & Jerry Seinfeld)…film directors Peter Bogdanovich (The Last Picture Show, What’s Up Doc?), Ivan Reitman (Stripes, Twins, KindergartenCop, Draft Day), & television director Marvin Chomsky (StarTrek, Wild Wild West, Roots)…football coaches Dan Reeves (Denver Broncos), Greg Robinson (Syracuse Orangemen, Denver Broncos), Stan Parrish (Marshall Thundering Herd, Kansas St. Wildcats, Ball St. Cardinals), Gary Moeller (Michigan Wolverines), Gary Gaines (Permian Panthers, made famous in the book Friday Night Lights), Ernie Zampese (Dallas Cowboys), Frank Cignetti (West Virginia Mountaineers), Mike Leach (Texas Tech Red Raiders, Washington St. Cougars, Mississippi St. Bulldogs), and Vince Dooley (Georgia Bulldogs)…country music broadcasting legend Ralph Emery (Nashville Now)…model & businesswoman Ivana Trump…baseball writer Roger Angell…political commentators Bob Beckel & Mark Shields…famed animator & TV producer Jules Bass (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman)…boxing referee Mills Lane…dancer & TV personality Twitch (The Ellen DeGeneres Show)…Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI…former football players Ross Browner (Cincinnati Bengals), Daryle Lamonica (Oakland Raiders), Gino Cappelletti (New England Patriots), Marion Barber III (Dallas Cowboys), Robert Alexander (LA Rams), Tony Siragusa (Baltimore Ravens), Charles Johnson (Pittsburgh Steelers), Gavin Escobar (Dallas Cowboys), Jim Sweeney (Pittsburgh Steelers), and Ronnie Hillman (Denver Broncos)…actors Sidney Poitier (In the Heat of the Night, Look Who’s Coming to Dinner), Bob Saget (Full House, America’s Funniest Home Videos), James Caan (The Godfather, Elf), Ray Liotta (Field of Dreams, Goodfellas), John Aniston (Days of Our Lives), Howard Hesseman (WKRP in Cincinnati, Head of the Class, One Day at a Time), William Hurt (The Big Chill, BroadcastNews), Jerry VerDorn (Guiding Light, One Life to Live), Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas, The Firm), Fred Ward (Tremors, The Right Stuff), Dwayne Hickman (Dobie Gillis), Peter Robbins (original voice of Charlie Brown), Bo Hopkins & Mike Hagerty (character actors who appeared in a plethora of TV shows & movies), Morgan Stevens (The Waltons, Melrose Place), Conrad Janis (Mork & Mindy), Mitchell Ryan (Lethal Weapon, Dharma & Greg), Emilio Delgado (Sesame Street), David Birney (St. Elsewhere), Charles Siebert (Trapper John MD), Phillip Baker Hall (best known for an hilarious appearance on Seinfeld), Tony Sirico (Goodfellas, The Sopranos), Jason David Frank (MightyMorphin Power Rangers), Taurean Blacque (Hill Street Blues), David Warner (Titanic, AChristmas Carol [1984]), Tony Dow (Leave it to Beaver), Roger E. Mosley (Magnum P.I.), Joe E. Tata (Beverly Hills 90210), Robert Lupone (All MyChildren, One Life to Live), Robert Clary (Hogan’s Heroes, Days of Our Lives), Robbie Coltrane (the Harry Potter film series), Clarence Gilyard (Die Hard, Walker: Texas Ranger, Matlock), Quinn Redeker (Days of Our Lives, The Young & Restless), and Kevin Conroy (Search for Tomorrow, Batman: The Animated Series)…basketball coaches Joe B. Hall (Kentucky Wildcats), Bill Fitch (Houston Rockets, Boston Celtics), Gene Shue (Washington Bullets), Pete Carril (Princeton Tigers), and Paul Silas (Charlotte Bobcats)…writer & pundit PJ O’Rourke…The Improv founder Budd Friedman…musicians Meat Loaf (aka Marvin Lee Aday), Loretta Lynn, Mickey Gilley, Naomi Judd (The Judds), Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters), CW McCall, Bobby Rydell, Jim Seals (Seals & Crofts), Ramsey Lewis, Coolio, Aaron Carter, Irene Cara (Flashdance, Fame), Jeff Cook (Alabama), Christine McVie (Fleetwood Mac), Anita Pointer (The Pointer Sisters), and Jerry Lee Lewis…baseball players Gerald Williams (New York Yankees, Atlanta Braves), Ralph Terry (New York Yankees), David West (Minnesota Twins, Philadelphia Phillies), and Tom Browning (Cincinnati Reds)…comic book artist Neal Adams (DC Comics)…infamous attorney Ken Starr…NFL Hall of Famers Len Dawson (Kansas City Chiefs), Hugh McElhenny (San Francisco 49ers), Ray Guy (Oakland Raiders), and Don Maynard (NY Jets)…NHL Hall of Famer Guy Lafleur, NBA Hall of Famer Bob Lanier, and MLB Hall of Famers Maury Wills & Bruce Sutter
Welcome back to the 2022 Sammy Awards, a final look back at the year that was, and the people & stories that shaped our perception of it. If you missed Part 1 it’s not too late to catch up. As always The Sammys are far more fun than the austere Oscars, and much more in touch with what matters to real, normal people than the Golden Globes, Grammys, or anything produced by MTV. We’re also pandemic proof, which has come in handy the past couple of years. The CDC isn’t going to shut this fake show down!! Let’s give a warm ovation to our host Jim Gaffigan!!
After some delightful comedy from our host it’s time to give out some more awards!! Our next presenter is a lovely actress & up-n-coming director who has starred in memorable flicks like The Girl Next Door, Love the Coopers, & The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Well okay, perhaps her directing career will be more…impressive. But hey, atleast she’s pretty, right?? That’s something!! Give a rousing ovation to Olivia Wilde!!!! And the nominees are:
Tim Taylor Award for Biggest Tool
Howard Stern
What the hell happened to Howard Stern?!?!?!?? He used to be so rebellious. He was a modern day counterculture folk hero. He was funny & cool in an oddball sort of way. Now?? Apparently he’s just another wealthy, out of touch, crazy leftist who sits in his bully pulpit talking down to all of us peons, saying things like “When are we going to stop putting up with the idiots in this country and just say it’s mandatory to get vaccinated?” Perhaps when they come up with a vaccine that doesn’t kill people you assclown 🤷. “Fuck their freedom” says Howard Stern, who can’t see the forest for the trees. “If you didn’t get vaccinated & you got COVID, you don’t get into a hospital. Go fuck yourself, you had the cure and you wouldn’t take it.” Cure?!?!?!?? Really?!?!?!?? 🤦🏻♂️ “We have places, like shitholes that have like 300,000 people, and they get two senators.” Allow me to translate. First, Howard Stern needs to read The Constitution. Secondly, he thinks he’s better than you because he lives in California, which to my knowledge is the real shithole. He doesn’t think people in Wyoming, Alaska, Vermont, or the Dakotas should have as much say in the direction of the country. I don’t know that he’s said it, but I’m going to go out on a limb & assume he’d abolish the electoral college. Look, I am willing to have an intelligent discussion with anyone that holds opposing views. I have friends & even family that don’t share my opinions. However, I’m pretty sick & tired of rich & famous types who use their platform to insult & dismiss a huge portion of the country, who clearly think that they are superior. Kiss my ass Howard.
The “Ladies” of The View
To call The View unwatchable would be an understatement. Well, anyone with functioning brain cells wouldn’t be watching it anyway. I haven’t even attempted it in years, but the show is constantly going viral as the hosts apparently get crazier with each passing day. How in the world does Whoopi Goldberg still have a job?!?!?!?? Don’t misunderstand…the morons around the table are entitled to their deranged opinions. It’s (allegedly) a free country. What pisses me off is the attempt to soft sell the gaslighting of an entire audience by marketing it as an entertainment program. The same thing is happening on late night “comedy” shows. It’s appalling, not to mention deceitful. Leave the punditry & sociopolitical commentary to the folks at CNN, FOX, MSNBC, et al.
Justin Trudeau
I don’t know how anyone is willingly residing in Canada anymore. Is free healthcare that meaningful?? Trudeau is nothing more than a smarmy dictator wannabe. He’s the kind of guy that probably got picked last for teams in gym class & grew up with simmering rage just below the surface because the cool kids didn’t let him hang out with them. Now he’s in a position of power and he relishes the opportunity to jerk people around, stripping citizens’ rights like a madman, all with an insincere smile on his face as he tries to tell everyone it’s “for the greater good”. Good luck with that Canada. Maybe one day you’ll pry your collective head out of your clueless ass.
Stephen Colbert
He’s basically a male, late night version of the shrews from The View. Late night television makes me sad nowadays. Johnny Carson would roll over in his grave. OG David Letterman (before his brain turned to mush) would be horrified. Back in the summer of 2022 Colbert actually sent a crew to DC who illegally breached the U.S. Capitol, but unlike another more infamous incident in that same location Colbert’s antics quickly faded from public consciousness. People were arrested, but of course the corrupt Justice Department declined to prosecute. Do you think anyone associated with Tucker Carlson or Tomi Lahren would’ve escaped so easily?? Of course not. Because our entire government is dirty to its core.
Jen Psaki & Karine Jean-Pierre
I didn’t think any White House Press Secretary could be worse that Psaki, but Jean-Pierre is just as bad. It’s not even the lying that bothers me. Part of the job is massaging the truth. It’s the fact that they’re so ridiculously bad at it that it’s insulting, and also that they’re both woefully unprepared. Did they blackmail Biden into giving them the job?? Or does Sleepy Joe & his inner circle get their jollies trolling American citizens by purposely hiring the most inept & ill-equipped people??
Robert DeNiro
DeNiro is pathetic. He’s completely lost touch with reality. Last summer he went on Colbert’s show and, with a straight face, opined that the Alzheimer’s patient in the White House is “doing a very good job” & has “got us into calm waters”. My first instinct was that it was totally delusional to say that. However, I realized a couple of things. First, DeNiro doesn’t give a damn about gas prices, food prices, inflation, etc. He’s rich & doesn’t give a damn about you & me. Secondly, it really does not matter to him & his ilk that they installed a President who doesn’t know where the hell he is half the time & most certainly isn’t really in charge of anything. They want a puppet who’ll rubber stamp a bunch of tyrannical policies that worship at the altar of climate change, open borders, identity politics, and other leftist agendas, and they want someone who’ll do it quietly. They want someone who speaks softly and tells folksy stories. They want “calm waters” so they can dive deep without anyone noticing them fundamentally destroying the nation they despise. The sad part is they are succeeding.
Pat Benatar
In a pitiful attempt to hang on to whatever shred of relevancy remaining from a career that peaked four decades ago the aging rocker announced last summer that she’d no longer perform arguably her best known hit song Hit Me With Your Best Shot because of mass shootings or some such nonsense. First of all, meaningless virtue signaling makes me want to vomit. Get over yourself. Secondly…TRUST ME Pat Benatar…NO ONE has EVER associated that song with gun violence. Absolutely no one. Not even stupid people. Honestly this might be the dumbest news story of 2022.
Joy Reid
I don’t watch television news all that much. Maybe the local news occasionally, but certainly not the national news. However, if I were forced to watch a news program I promise you this…ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Fox…they’d all be choices I’d consider before MSNBC, which is the television equivalent of dumpster diving. However, even though I actively avoid TV news shows somehow I can’t escape Reid because she constantly says such idiotic things that she’s viral nearly every day. Maybe that’s the scam…I don’t know.
and the Sammy goes to…..
All of Them. Anyone who’s been watching The Sammy Awards thru the years saw this coming a mile away. There are no winners in this category. They all tie for Biggest Loser, and we’re not talking about weight loss.
We asked Olivia Wilde to stay, but she was handed some papers and had to leave, so to present our next award we are excited to introduce an alleged actor who found himself in the news an awful lot in 2022. Perhaps it was the five movies he starred in, which nobody could name if their life depended on it. Or maybe it was his Netflix comedy special y’all weren’t even aware existed. No…I don’t think it was either of those things. What was it?? Does it matter?? Anyway, please give a long, hard ovation to former Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson!!
Fred Berry Award for Excellence in Syndication or Streaming
The Office
When I was a child television worked a certain way. The new season would premier in September. There’d be a little more than a couple dozen episodes (give or take), with the season finale in May. Throughout the summer you’d get reruns until the new season debuted. A great show would last 7-10 seasons, while less than great shows ended much quicker. That’s how it worked…back then. We’re in a whole new world now, one to which I am still adjusting. However, one thing hasn’t changed. Reruns are still a thing, it’s just that we view them more purposefully & have control over what we consume & when. I didn’t watch The Office when it aired on NBC from 2005-13. Not one single episode. I had convinced myself that I didn’t like single camera shows with no studio audience or laugh track, and I’m pretty sure something else I liked aired in the same time slot. Fast forward to 2020. There’s a pandemic. Everything is shut down. There’s much more time to binge TV shows. I’m not a binger, but I decide to check out The Office on Netflix, and am immediately hooked. I can’t believe what I was missing all those years. Having worked in office environments it seemed familiar, only with the wackiness turned up to 11. I can’t say that I’ve ever had a boss exactly like Michael Scott, but recognized bits & pieces of former bosses in him. I’m a sucker for a good romance, especially when unrequited love is actually returned (which never happens in real life), so I was really rooting for Jim & Pam. It took me awhile to warm up to oddball Dwight Schrute, but the humor eventually clicked for me. Here’s the cool thing…unlike my childhood when I had to rely on random reruns popping up on television, now I’m able to rewatch whatever episode I want whenever I choose as often as I like. That’s the true power of streaming. The Office has now moved to Peacock, and traditional reruns do air on Comedy Central & Freeform. I am sure I’m in good company when I say I’ve watched all 200 episodes multiple times. The downside to streaming is that I really don’t give new TV shows a fair chance because I am endlessly entertained by old stuff I’ve watched over & over for years, which is a nice option. I am convinced that someday The Office will be rebooted, and I’d probably give that a whirl. Unfortunately, for various reasons, I don’t think it could ever live up to its predecessor. It may have taken me a decade to catch up with what I missed, but I’m so glad I did. Thanks to the Dunder-Mifflin crew & the folks in Scranton, PA. Think of this as one final Dundie-seque pat on the back for a job well done.
After bleaching his hair Pete Davidson has nothing else better to do so we’ve asked him to present the next award. And the nominees are:
Most Overused Word
Hate
Just because it’s an opinion or worldview that disagrees with yours doesn’t mean it’s hate. Take a chill pill.
Privilege
Are there people that have “privilege” due to their station in life?? Sure. But not as many as you think, and certainly not because of their skin color. I am a white male, and trust me…if you knew the things I’ve dealt with in my life & what I have overcome you’d understand why I have an issue being thought of as privileged by anybody.
Cisgender
I think you mean normal 🤔.
Ableist
I am disabled. I was born with spina bifida and have used a wheelchair my entire life. However, I laugh at stupid buzzwords. I have probably experienced ableism as much as anyone, but never felt the need to attach a cutesy label to it. Isn’t the term discrimination good enough??
Disinformation
Define it. Go ahead…you can’t. Again, just because someone provides a different perspective or a viewpoint with which you disagree doesn’t make them automatically dishonest or wrong. How many “conspiracy theories” have been proven right in the past year?? Elon Musk is still busy exposing lies, coverups, deceit, coercion, and censorship by some of the individuals who were screaming “disinformation” the loudest. It’s becoming harder & harder to trust anything we’re told by government officials or the media, in part because they get angrier as more of their lies are uncovered with each passing day.
Cringe
If you’re watching an old TV show or movie and using this word to describe it please just sit down & shut your yapper. Everything is a product of its time. Societal norms evolve, so what was acceptable 20 years ago or 50 years ago might not be looked at the same way now. That’s cool. Just move on.
Patriarchy
How do so many women who openly hate men end up in serious relationships?? Why would I date you if you are offended that I’m a man?? Look, I get it. Minorities…including women…have been treated unfairly. But ladies… it’s the 21st century. You’re free!! You can do anything you want. No one is making you stay in a loveless marriage & pop out 15 babies while your man goes out & earns a living. You don’t have to spend the best years of your life barefoot & pregnant, slaving away in a hot kitchen being subservient. Women are smart. Women are beautiful. Women can do anything they damn well please. There isn’t a secret committee of (white…probably) guys sitting around figuring out ways to ruin your life.
Inclusion
It doesn’t mean what you think it means. It sounds awesome on the surface. Everyone wants to be included, right?? Sadly though, life isn’t fair, and overt attempts to force entities to “even the playing field” often backfire. For me it’s simple…most things should be a meritocracy. You earn what you get, and the best & brightest rise thru the ranks. Managers should hire the best person for the job. Scholarships should be given to the best students. Quotas are discriminatory. I don’t believe the “everybody gets a trophy” mentality works in the long run. It inadvertently makes people weak & lazy. I am not suggesting we shouldn’t lend a helping hand or allow someone in need to lean on a generous shoulder. I am simply suggesting that the old maxim about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions shouldn’t be ignored. The best way to include people is to teach them how to achieve success & earn everything they have.
and the Sammy goes to…..
All of Them. We’ve become a society that enjoys creating a buzzword for everything. When you add that to a society that goes out of our way to be offended it’s a bad combination. Can’t we all just get along?? We keep letting the powers-that-be divide us, and they are laughing all the way to the bank.
Okay, Pete Davidson has gotten way too comfortable & won’t leave. I’m pretty sure he was acting inappropriately in a gender neutral restroom a few minutes ago. We don’t want any trouble, so we’re just going to allow Pete to hand out one more award. And the nominees are:
Favorite Viral Videos
Definitely Not Gourmet
Bartender Skyy John has redeemed himself. His Tipsy Bartender videos eliminated the godawful music that cost him this award a year ago, and now there’s a lady with a charming British accent holding the camera & offering an occasional comment or question. That being said, I like to eat much more than I like to drink, so I have become intrigued by Skyy’s other videos, in which he cooks tasty vittles that he calls “dumb but delicious”.
Men with the Pot
I discovered the proper terminology: ASMR, which means “autonomous sensory meridian response”. More specifically it is the tingling sensation some experience when listening to certain audio stimuli. Last year, while giving this award to these videos, I described them as being filled with sounds like “veggies being chopped, meat sizzling in an iron skillet, the gentle flow of a babbling brook, and the lovely chirping of birds”, only I didn’t know that had a name. To be honest I haven’t watched as many of the videos as I did in 2021, but they’re still out there.
State of Mind
General Hospital actor Maurice Bernard has been open about his bipolar disorder, and he hosts a podcast in which his friends & colleagues sit down for a conversation about their own mental health struggles. It’s informative, not too heavy, and the kind of discussion we should be more comfortable having with our loved ones.
Tucker Carlson
I still haven’t run across anyone that comes close to replacing my man Rush Limbaugh, although that’s probably because sociopolitical debates now leave a bad taste in my mouth. Occasionally though my itch needs scratched, and short clips of Carlson’s soliloquies do the trick.
Louder with Crowder
I actually need to watch Crowder’s podcast more often this year. He’s part commentator, part comedian, so he presents things in a more lighthearted, humorously sarcastic way. Much like Carlson I don’t think I have the interest level to hang for an entire show, but I could stand a bit more.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Definitely Not Gourmet. I wonder how Tipsy Bartender would feel about defeating himself?? Although I guess technically he didn’t since the bartending videos weren’t even nominated this time. Again, let me re-emphasize, that’s the personal choice of someone who enjoys food more than booze. He makes things like bacon sushi, breakfast pizza, giant pancake burgers, and all kinds of crazy desserts. Have I ever made any of the recipes I’ve seen?? No, cause that’s how I roll. But atleast the videos are fun to watch.
This seems like a good time to pause once again. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2022 Sammy Awards!!
Greetings Manoverse, and welcome to the 2022 Sammy Awards!! It has been a tradition here since 2010 for us to welcome a new year by saying a fond farewell to the old year. We look back at the key moments, people, & topics that made the past 12 months what they were. We celebrate the highlights & allow ourselves to lament the lowlights. A wise teacher once said “Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them”, and we believe it is good to remember what happened and give those stories kudos or derision…whichever is appropriate. So sit back, grab some popcorn & your beverage of choice, and enjoy the world’s most irreverent fake awards show!!
To host the festivities it is our pleasure to welcome one of our most underrated comedians. He has received multiple Grammy nominations, is known for working clean, and offers low key, relatable observations on topics with which we are all familiar. Please welcome to the stage Jim Gaffigan!!
After some hilarious opening comments from our host it is time to hand out some hardware!! To do the honors we are excited to welcome a beloved actor from the 1970s. He starred in one of the few romantic dramas about a blind ice skater, the 1978 classic Ice Castles, as well as Ode to Billy Joe, in which he hurls himself off a bridge after having sex with Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane from The Dukes of Hazzard. Give a rousing ovation for the very much alive (who knew??) Robby Benson!! And the nominees are:
Favorite TV Show
The World According to Jeff Goldblum
Quirky actor Goldblum returned to Disney+ with fresh episodes examining topics like dogs, fireworks, & motorcycles. He doesn’t necessarily break new ground on these subjects, but does approach them from a distinct perspective.
General Hospital
Yes, I still watch “my stories” (as my grandmothers used to call them). However, not only are there only four soap operas remaining, just one feels worthy of recognition. I’ve been a fan of GH since the early 80s, and still look forward to watching it whenever time permits (which is often enough since I have no life {I’m “producing” a fake awards show for God’s sake}).
Cobra Kai
The 4th season was released on NY’s Eve 2021, and in a pleasant surprise Season 5 came along just months later in September 2022. It’s still a compelling story for those old enough to have enjoyed the Karate Kid films back in the day, and I suppose it’s a good enough show to have attracted younger fans not as familiar with the movies. That being said, it feels like the upcoming season (which may not arrive for another year) should be the end unless they do some sort of time jump. It’s more difficult to get away with having 20-somethings portray high school students than it used to be.
The Santa Clauses
This was a nice little holiday treat. Tim Allen returned for a six episode series on Disney+ in which Santa Claus (fka Scott Calvin) decides to retire, chooses a successor, and things go awry. Y’all should check it out while you’re still in the holiday spirit.
WWE Raw/NXT/Smackdown
Am I as big of a wrestling fan as I used to be?? No. I ponder the question of whether the product just isn’t as captivating as it was in the heyday of Hulk Hogan & Ric Flair or The Rock & “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, or if perhaps I’m just not the same person I was in my youth. Either way, I still watch the shows, but don’t find them as interesting as I did once upon a time.
and the Sammy goes to…..
General Hospital. For the second year in a row consistency wins. I still haven’t totally bought into the whole streaming thing, and I’m not sure I ever will. I like having new episodes to look forward to. I don’t really enjoy binging everything in a few days then having to wait months for my next fix. GH continues to be well written with a great cast. It may not be your cup o’ tea and that’s okay, but having grown up with the show the fine folks in Port Charles, NY almost seem like family. Dysfunctional?? Sure, but that’s fine.
To present our next award we are happy to have two characters that underwent a bit of a makeover in 2022. In an effort to be inclusive or whatever…some kind of PC bullsquat…Green M&M was stripped of her lip gloss, high heeled boots, & long eyelashes, and instead given sneakers & a plain face, apparently to appease female gym teachers & golfers on the LPGA Tour. Not to be outdone, Disney decided to toss Minnie Mouse’s iconic red polka dot dress and pander to Hillary Clinton voters by putting Minnie in an unflattering black & blue pantsuit. We don’t play those kind of silly games here at The Sammys. We love women & embrace femininity, so we are happy to welcome to the stage OG Green M&M and Minnie Mouse!! And the nominees are:
Favorite App
Words with Friends
Full disclosure…I became bored by Words in the latter half of 2022. I’m pretty sure that the plethora of challenges I received daily were from bots rather than real people, and I decided to step away for awhile. I’ll probably return soon enough.
Instagram
In less than three years I have posted over 12k memes on Insta. It’s usually the first thing I do when I wake up. Weird?? Kind of sad?? Yes & yes, but atleast I’m honest.
Amazon Music
I’d rather listen to music than watch television most of the time. I am very moody when it comes to the tunes I enjoy. What I’m into might change on a daily basis. However, I’ve never been unable to find what I’m looking for on Amazon Music. It’s $10/month well spent.
Pic Stitch
I take a lot of photos whenever I attend a social event. I might take a hundred pics but end up with 35 good ones by the time I filter out blurry or repetitive shots. This app allows me to be even more efficient by stitching together two or more photos so that out of the original 100 I end up posting maybe 15 or 20 to social media.
TextArt
I’ve segued into creating my own memes!! Sometimes I see a quote I like or an existing meme that just seems too busy, so I take the basic concept & create a better version the way I want it. Perhaps I missed my calling as a graphic designer.
Air Brush
I see memes or picture quotes all the time that just need something unnecessary erased out of them. It’s not always as tight & precise as I’d prefer, but it is usually adequate for my purposes.
Infinity 8 Ball
I went thru my Spades phase, but now I’ve moved on to billiards. Thus far I’ve played over 1400 games and have fallen just below a 60% win rate.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Amazon Music. After being nominated a couple of times in the past Amazon Music finally earns the prize. You may use Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, iHeart Radio, or any of the plethora of music apps available, and that’s cool. I’m sure they’re all great. For me Amazon has been a reliable & functional tool that’s become an indispensable part of daily life.
To present our next two awards it is a pleasure to welcome a former NFL punter and current ESPN & WWE commentator whose charisma & liveliness infuses any program he’s part of with more of an energy boost than you’ll get from the entire Starbucks menu combined. Get up on your feet for the inimitable Pat McAfee!! And the nominees are:
The Thrill of Victory Award
Georgia’s National Title
In January the Georgia Bulldogs destroyed Alabama to claim their third National Championship. They’ll have an opportunity to add to the trophy case soon.
The Super Rams
On February 13, 2022 the Los Angeles Rams beat the Cincinnati Bengals to win their second Lombardi Trophy.
Golden St. Is Golden Again
After a couple of lean years the Warriors returned to the top of the mountain in 2022, defeating the Boston Celtics in six games to win their 7th NBA title and the fourth since 2015.
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. It is in its infancy & needs better television deals, but stalwarts like Phil Mickelson, Sergio Garcia, & Dustin Johnson joined up, seduced by huge money & shorter tournaments with no cuts.
Kansas Wins The Madness
It was a Battle of Bluebloods when the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the North Carolina Tar Heels to win their fourth National Championship.
Novak Djokovic
Still one of the top tennis players in the world, Djokovic won at Wimbledon for the 4th consecutive year.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Los Angeles Rams. They couldn’t follow up this season, but on that February night in their home stadium the Rams rose to the occasion late in the 4th quarter. It was nice to see QB Matthew Stafford achieve success after a dismal decade+ in Detroit.
He’s just so damn entertaining that we asked Pat McAfee to stick around & hand out the next prize as well. It looks like he’s made himself comfortable. And the nominees are:
The Agony of Defeat Award
Big Ben’s Retirement
After 18 years as the quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers Ben Roethlisberger was gently pushed into retirement. His arm strength had noticeably diminished & his unique escapability had virtually disappeared with no help from a porous offensive line, but the disappointment of his last couple of seasons doesn’t detract from a memorable Hall of Fame career.
Antonio Brown
We’ve known for awhile that the former Steelers wide receiver is mentally unstable. After an acrimonious departure from Pittsburgh a few years ago Brown bounced around a bit before seeming to find a soft landing spot in Tampa. He even won a Super Bowl ring with the Buccaneers. However, that relationship crashed & burned late in the 2021 season, with our last image that of Brown taking off his jersey & leaving in the midst of a game. Since then he has engaged in sophomoric online shenanigans implying he’s been gettin’ busy with Tom Brady’s now ex-wife and been accused of domestic violence as well as improper conduct toward a woman in Dubai.
The Olympics
Another year, another Olympic Games no one cared about. This time it was in Beijing, China. I would literally rather sit in a dark room staring into space than watch the Winter Olympics in Communist China with no spectators in the stands because of a disease they created. Actually I probably did some of that while this was going on.
MLB Lockout
The start of the baseball season was delayed by a week thanks to yet another disagreement between owners & players. Two notable outcomes: universal DH & an expanded playoff format. Designated hitters became a thing for National League teams in 2022, which I hate. I always liked that there were differences between the American League & National League. Both leagues also added an extra wildcard team to the playoff bracket, which I didn’t mind.
Coach K’s Swan Song
In 4+ decades as the head basketball coach for the Duke Blue Devils Mike Krzyzewski won more than 1000 games, 15 ACC tournament titles, and 5 National Championships. His teams made the NCAA Tournament nearly every year & played in 13 Final Fours. Coach K also won three Olympic gold medals. He’d announced before the 2021-22 season that it would be his last, and the Blue Devils won 32 games. Unfortunately they lost Coach K.’s home finale to North Carolina, lost the ACC title game to Virginia Tech, and fell once again in the Final Four to the Tar Heels. I’m a sucker for storybook endings and was pulling for him to finish on top.
Phil Mickelson
All the sudden my man Phil has become the black sheep of golf. It started with his controversial defection to LIV Golf last spring, accompanied by disparaging comments about PGA leadership. Mickelson skipped The Masters & the PGA Championship. At age 52 & clearly past his prime I can’t be too hard on the guy for being seduced by the huge money & reduced schedule offered by LIV, but it may have cost him the legacy he’d built during a fantastic three decade+ career.
Brady’s Gone!! Nevermind, He’s Back 😖
Y’all know I despise Tom Brady. He’s like an evil serial killer in a slasher movie that won’t freakin’ die!! I thought our long nightmare was finally over when Brady announced his retirement back in February. Remember the Bible story about Jesus battling Satan in the desert for 40 days?? Imagine if Satan had won. That’s what it felt like when Brady ended his retirement after 40 days. Yes…he did that, and you can’t convince me it wasn’t on purpose. His decision proved costly, as he ended up divorced, but on the bright side (atleast for him) he’s led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the playoffs, and if the dude wins yet another damn Super Bowl I might just have to look into this soccer thing.
Washington Commanders
After years of pressure from the PC Police the Redskins nickname was finally scrapped a few years ago. After that they were awkwardly known as the Washington Football Team for a couple of seasons because apparently it’s harder to name a sports franchise than anyone realized, even though this change was on the cusp of happening for a long time. At any rate, the powers-that-be narrowed the field down to a few choices, including Armada, Brigade, and Defenders. Commanders is better than any of those, although I preferred Red Wolves.
Flores’ Lawsuit
Former Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores filed a lawsuit against the NFL in February alleging racial discrimination in hiring practices & that Dolphins’ ownership had asked him to tank games to get higher draft picks. To my knowledge the suit has not been resolved, but Flores landed with the Steelers as a defensive assistant (they should elevate him to defensive coordinator).
LIV Golf
Don’t look now golf fans, but the PGA Tour has some competition. The problem?? It is funded by the rulers of Saudi Arabia, a country well known for human rights violations & other nefarious activities, in a transparent PR attempt to change the narrative. Think of Michael Corleone trying to make The Family legitimate by giving a bunch of money to The Vatican in The Godfather Part III. Same kind of thing, only without murder & mayhem (we hope).
Novak Djokovic
While it is true that Djokovic won Wimbledon for the fourth straight year, he was unfortunately prohibited from competing in the Australian Open & U.S. Open due to draconian & misguided Covid restrictions. He stood strong in his steadfast refusal to get “vaccinated”, a decision that cost him some money but perhaps saved his life.
and the Sammy goes to…..
LIV Golf. Is it a real threat to the PGA Tour?? I don’t think so. I am reminded of the original USFL, which briefly seemed like a solid alternative to the NFL. They too made a big splash by signing Heisman Trophy winners Hershel Walker, Doug Flutie, and Mike Rozier, as well as QBs Jim Kelly & Steve Young. But the USFL made some missteps & only lasted a few seasons. LIV has wooed enough PGA stalwarts to grab our attention, and there’s certainly enough cash behind the effort. However, I’ll be surprised if the whole thing is anything more than a memory five years from now.
To present our next award we are pleased to welcome one of the most underrated actors of his generation. He has appeared in blockbuster films like Ghostbusters, Crocodile Dundee, and Turner & Hooch, and is a beloved holiday icon who played a pivotal part in saving hundreds of lives on Christmas Eve in Die Hard. He then went on to star in one of the most cherished sitcoms of the 1990’s, Family Matters, a show that might’ve only lasted a month instead of airing for nine breathtakingly hilarious seasons if not for his star power & skills as an actor. It is indeed an honor to welcome Reginald VelJohnson to present a very special tribute.
Duffer-Herrell Lifetime Achievement Award
Bruce Willis
Moonlighting.
The Christmas classic Die Hard (and it’s plethora of sequels).
Look Who’s Talking.
StrikingDistance.
Armageddon.
TheWhole Nine Yards.
Those episodes of Friends when he ended up dating Rachel.
That album he put out in the late 80s.
Bruce Willis has done a little bit of everything in his amazing career spanning more than four decades. Sadly that journey seems to be over, as it was announced back in March that he is retiring due to aphasia, which is an inability to comprehend or formulate language because of damage to specific brain regions. Willis is 67 years old, which in the 21st century means we thought we had many more years to enjoy new performances. I had even read rumors of one final Die Hard, which would’ve been great, especially if it was a good movie on the same level as the first three. Sadly that won’t be happening. Of course in the grand scheme of things that’s not really important. Bruce Willis is still alive, and that’s what matters to his loved ones. For the rest of us we’ll always have his body of work. Is he the greatest actor that ever graced the big screen?? No, but who cares?? Years from now our grandchildren will be telling their grandchildren about a decent actor who made a memorable impression and entertained millions. Each December, along with George Bailey, Ebenezer Scrooge, Ralphie Parker, and The Whos down in Whoville, Detective John McClane will continue to be a key player in Christmas celebrations everywhere. That’s a damn fine legacy, and for that The Sammys are proud to recognize the contributions of Bruce Willis to popular culture.
This seems like a good place to pause. Please stay tuned for Part 2 of the 2022 Sammy Awards.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
On 12/8/21 I bought a dozen eggs at the grocery store for $1.29. That same purchase right now costs $3.49. Someone needs to inform the deranged leftist dictator currently occupying the Oval Office that Americans care much more about this problem than we do about Ukraine, climate change, a “vaccine” that not only doesn’t work but is probably killing people, transgender BS, or anything else his evil administration has been gaslighting us with the past two years.
I’m not interested in a ten minute story about your cat. Please shut your piehole 🙄.
I saw this post in a couple of Facebook groups and didn’t feel like I could freely express my opinion since the “January 6th” silliness has been used as a convenient excuse to turn social media into a fascist dictatorship in which any opinions the “fact” checkers disagree with is suppressed. At any rate, let’s be honest…this list was obviously compiled by an airheaded black millennial. 12 out of the “top” 18 shows have black leads and/or a predominantly black cast. There’s nothing wrong with that, except it is intellectually dishonest to call entrants like Martin, Girlfriends, Black-ish, & Living Single great in any way, shape, or form. The Cosby Show was fantastic, as was The Jeffersons. I won’t even push back too much on Sanford & Son or Diff’rent Strokes, although they are ranked far too high. Also, where is The Andy Griffith Show, Frasier, either of Bob Newhart’s two sitcoms, MASH, and a plethora of others more deserving than half of the shows listed?? Look, I realize these things are largely a matter of opinion, and we are all a product of our generation & our worldview. That being said, perhaps anyone compiling such a list should feel somewhat compelled to respect the readers, respect the genre they’re writing about, and have a shred of common sense.
I still have no idea what the hell pickle ball is 🤷🏻♂️🤔🥒.
I can’t respect the thought process of anyone who thinks drag shows are acceptable entertainment for children and refuses to admit that it is blatant grooming. I respect a person’s right to have an opinion, but that does not extend to the opinion itself. It is particularly troubling when someone who holds such beliefs has daily access to large groups of young people. Public schools in America need investigated & reformed. They’ve become breeding grounds for intellectually vacant activists who seek to normalize deviance for kids. Whatever happened to reading, writing, math, history, & science?? That’s what used to be taught in schools.
The Manofesto 