In August 2018 I entered the Robinson Grand Performing Arts Center for the first time since it was a simple movie theater during my childhood. After many years of sitting empty and falling into disrepair, a renovation was spearheaded by a talented architect who I just so happen to have graduated high school with once upon a time. Since that day nearly six years ago I have attended 100 performances at the venue…everything from old movies to Broadway plays, music legends to tribute bands, magic shows to stand up comedy. I have complained for decades that “there’s nothing fun to do around here”, a criticism that The RG has thankfully mitigated to a degree. I live a mile from the theater, and accessibility (a significant concern for me) isn’t a problem at all. I live alone and have no discernible social life, so the Robinson Grand has become one of my favorite places. This is my attempt to give The RG some well deserved praise and reflect on some of the more pleasant times of the past half decade+ by ranking the Top 25 Favorite Shows that I have attended (so far). I look forward to much more in the future.
25 A Bronx Tale: A One Man Show Starring Chazz Palminteri – April 2024
The opportunity to watch an Oscar nominated actor perform a one man show doesn’t occur often in my neck o’ the woods. In case you’re unaware, Palminteri wrote the play in the late 1980’s, and it was only after Robert DeNiro saw a performance that it was adapted into the 1993 film.
24 Diamond Rio – December 2022
It was actually a holiday show, so in addition to performing hits like I Believe & a great cover of The Eagles’ Lyin’ Eyes there were Christmas tunes.
23 Constantine Maroulis & Foreigner’s Journey – September 2022
American Idol fans will recognize Maroulis as a contestant from 2005, a season that saw him finish 6th while Carrie Underwood won and became a country music superstar. Since then he has found success on Broadway (including a Tony nomination in 2009 for Rock of Ages) and fronts this really cool tribute show. I was a little surprised that it wasn’t a sellout, which is why it’s not ranked a bit higher.
22 Holiday Dreams: Cirque Spectacular – December 2021
It’s special not necessarily because of the show itself (although it was fun enough) but due to the circumstances. I’ll spare you the full details which are meaningful to only me, but suffice to say that I forgot to order my ticket, the website indicated it was a sellout, but I attended anyway thanks to an extraordinary person who always went above & beyond and whose thoughtfulness will never be forgotten.
21 Side Door Club – April 2024
The powers-that-be came up with the creative idea to turn the stage of The RG into a speakeasy. A limited number of tickets were sold and attendees literally entered thru the side door of the theater. We were treated to delicious food catered by a local eatery, adult beverages, and amazingly soulful live music. I believe the plan is to repeat the concept at regular intervals in the future.
20 Bill Engvall – November 2018
I’ve always hoped for a comedy club to open around here, but that’s probably a pipe dream for this small town. Fortunately The RG has hosted a few comedy shows thru the years, and this one was a sellout. As a matter of fact I believe he did two shows. You might remember Engvall as part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour (with Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Ron White), his guest appearances on Tim Allen’s sitcom Last Man Standing, or his own short-lived sitcom on TBS about 15 years ago (Jennifer Lawrence portrayed his daughter). He’s the “Here’s Your Sign” guy.
19 Grand Opening (Jay Leno & The Guess Who) – October 2018
It speaks well of the venue that it’s Grand (Re)Opening doesn’t merit a higher spot. They were just getting started!! I always enjoyed Leno’s comedy and his skillful hosting of The Tonight Show. The Guess Who is a 70’s rock band known for hits like American Woman and These Eyes.
18 The Oak Ridge Boys – April 2022
The country music legends have actually performed at The RG three times. The first time I talked myself out of going due to my weird work schedule. After all, the Oak Ridge Boys peaked when I was a little boy and I only know a couple of their hits. However, when it was announced that they were coming back to town a year later my favorite high school teacher, who I ran into with some regularity at my place of employment, talked up how good the first show had been and convinced me to check them out. The Oak Ridge Boys recently came back for their third visit, but I decided to leave the memories alone.
17 Amici – June 2020
Fearless Fools – April Fools’ Day 2021
We all remember 2020, when a global pandemic brought the world to its knees. During that time I was dealing with my own separate medical issues, and one particular Friday night, as I was languishing in a local hospital, a virtual concert featuring a beloved local band livestreamed from the empty Robinson Grand lobby provided a welcome respite from my affliction. I become just a little verklempt recalling how I made sure my phone was fully charged and prayed that medical staff would allow me a couple hours of peace to enjoy the music. Then, after a year+ pandemic hiatus, The RG reopened its doors, and it was also the first time I was able to get out & about in all that time. Once again we were permitted to gather together for fellowship & laughter provided by a well regarded local comedy group. I despise Covid for many reasons, one of them being all the wonderful entertainment we were robbed of during that time. That being said, April Fool’s 2021 was a much needed catharsis.
16 Lights Out: Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons Tribute – November 2023
I’ve actually seen the real Frankie Valli at our local Italian Heritage Festival, as well as John Lloyd Young, who portrayed Valli in the Broadway musical Jersey Boys. I really enjoy the music and this was a fantastic tribute show.
15 Steve Vai – June 2023
It’s not often one gets to see a legendary Guitar God live. Actually, how many performers fitting that description are still around?? It was an unexpected opportunity for which I am thankful.
14 Jazz Night – February 2024
Smithsonian Jazz Orchestra – November 2023
The WV Jazz Society has had a few lovely local events, and I hope to see more at The RG in the future. Jazz Night was essentially an indoor jazz stroll featuring several West Virginia artists, while the Smithsonian Orchestra is exactly what it sounds like. I’ve developed an affinity for jazz & blues music in my adult years and would like to see more friends & neighbors appreciate it as well.
13 Landau Murphy: Home for the Holidays – December 2021, 2022, & 2023
Landau Eugene Murphy is a West Virginia native who won The Voice competition on TV in 2011. I’ve never watched that show, but since Murphy is a crooner in the style of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Michael Buble, et al, I have become a fan. He’s been coming to The RG during the Christmas season the past few years and it’s always a fun evening.
12 Motown All-Stars Christmas – December 2023
Okay, so I like Christmas!! These guys are so freakin’ talented and exhibited more energy in one concert than I have in my entire life. It is important to note that it is not a tribute band, but a group consisting of former members of groups like The Temptations, The Contours, and The Miracles, meaning that they’re all around my Dad’s age, which makes their vitality even more impressive.
11 Michael W. Smith – November 2022
Colton Dixon – April 2023
We Are Messengers w/ Ben Fuller and Cochren & Co. – November 2023
Rend Collective – April 2024
One might not think of your local performing arts center in the same way as you do your church, and rightfully so. That being said, The RG has provided a plethora of quality entertainment for the spiritually inclined thru the years. I am right at an age that I generally prefer the old familiar hymns we all grew up listening to on Sunday mornings, but also try to be open-minded. These were very cool shows with The Holy Spirit very much in the house.
I’ve been thinking about Frank Sinatra’s song MyWay. “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” How many people can truthfully say that?? I’d venture to guess that many of us have a long list of regrets if we ever take time to genuinely self-reflect.
That’s a big if though, right?? Most folks are just doing their best to live a decent life. Go to work. Perhaps accomplish something if your job is meaningful on some level. Pay bills. Take care of a home. Build an impactful relationship or long lasting marriage. Raise children. Enjoy friendships and familial relationships. Be a good neighbor. Occasionally go out for a night on the town or take the tribe on a fun vacation. Who has time for introspection?? And even if you do ponder such things, what good can come of it?? If hindsight really is 20/20 and you pinpoint mistakes you made decades ago that altered the path of your life, chances are you can’t change things now. Maybe that’s what Sinatra really meant. Or more specifically what Paul Anka meant after acquiring the melody of a French song and writing new lyrics. I suppose brevity & lyrical necessity could’ve dictated the idea of having no regrets versus having regrets while recognizing the futility of dwelling on them.
At any rate, the song is more than just that one line. “I’ve lived a life that’s full. I traveled each and every highway.” In just the past few years a buddy of mine has been to Hawaii, Great Britain, & Greece. On a smaller scale, a former colleague that I’ve kept in touch with thru the years enjoys daytrips up & down our lovely state of West Virginia and travels to alot of Christian music events throughout the Atlantic & Southeastern United States. Do I feel a tinge of envy that I’ve never had the means or health to do such things?? Sure. But mostly I am glad to know people living the full life that is within their grasp.
“I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway.” Someone…probably my father…told me a long time ago that winners make things happen while losers let things happen. I didn’t realize until I was in my late 40’s that I’ve been in survival mode my entire life. However, while that is part of my story, the unvarnished truth is that I have always lacked follow-thru, become easily distracted, and rarely been able to focus on long term goals. I often joke around that an uneventful day during which nothing bad happened is my definition of a good day, but when one is just trying to get thru the day aiming for achievements years down the road (i.e. what successful people do) isn’t really a thing.
Sinatra talks about “when there was doubt” eating it up & spitting it out. At times in my life I have risen to the occasion and proved others’ assumptions about me wrong, but the fact is that most people have extremely low expectations of me. People think it’s amazing that I graduated college, live independently, and drive a vehicle. Conversely, I don’t believe that I deserve a gold star for any of those mundane “achievements”. My hopes & dreams…in my mind atleast…were much more grandiose at one point in time, but I have hardly chewed up my own self-doubt and spit it out.
The song mentions loving, laughing, crying, and losing, which maybe be the part with which I most closely identify. However, contrary to The Chairman I don’t find riding the struggle bus all that amusing.
The whole point of the song is doing it “my way”, right?? To “face it all and stand tall”. To “say things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels”. It’s about being a badass and living a life of which you are proud.
Frank Sinatra died a quarter century ago and we still remember him. Granted, he’s not the best example of the point I’m making because he was wealthy, famous, & ultra talented. That being said, we’ve all known people like Sinatra on a much smaller scale. Their impact may have been local rather than national. They may not have been well-known or affluent. Perhaps their vocation wasn’t something as cool as singing amazing songs. Yet most of us can name atleast a couple of people who stories are still told about decades after their earthly departure. We know or have heard of people who lived boldly & unapologetically, with confidence, a generous spirit, and the determination to achieve great things. I’ve never been that guy, and while I accept that with peace in my heart, it is with a certain level of remorseful admiration that I recognize & respect those who do it their way.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou
An opinion is like an asshole…everybody’s got one. – Unknown
During my childhood the only ways an opinion could be shared publicly by the masses was to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper (that may or may not get published) or call in to a radio show. Perhaps the world was better as it was, but the genie is out of the bottle on that front, and unfortunately it’s a malevolent spirit.
When The Internet and then social media became part of daily life I was young enough that technology didn’t intimidate me and I happily embraced it. I have been blogging for over 15 years, and in the early days of Facebook was never shy about expressing myself. I had opinions, and y’all were going to hear them dammit!! I didn’t shy away from any debate, and in the spirit of honesty could occasionally be rather vicious. Thankfully I have mellowed just a bit.
I cannot go back and view comments that were made years ago on various posts, but can peruse Facebook memories of what I put out into the universe back in the day. For the most part those reminders amuse me, but occasionally I am embarrassed. Sometimes I see proof of not being the best version of myself.
I will not lie and tell you that I never engage anymore, but can truthfully say it’s rare. Occasionally I make the mistake of browsing comments on a social media post and become so exasperated by what I read that down the rabbit hole I go, always loathing myself later. I no longer write anything inflammatory on my own Facebook though, choosing instead to lean into content that is fun, enlightening, or uplifting. It improves my day and hopefully makes my “friends” smile.
Why do some posts or comments infuriate me?? It’s an interesting point to ponder. One of my father’s plethora of axioms is that one can disagree without being disagreeable, which is not only antithetical to the vitriol I’ve expressed, but I am not convinced that it’s a widely practiced skill in our modern world. My only (weak) defense is that online discourse provides some level of anonymity, which emboldens a person, hence the keyboard warrior moniker. I don’t know these people and have no reason to care what they think. What about people I know & love though?? That is actually the motivation for the current epistle.
Quite frankly, I am worn out and somewhat melancholy. Once upon a time an intelligent exchange of views was enjoyable, perhaps even productive. I try to be fair minded and open to being educated on any topic. I fondly recall a time when neither party was likely to completely change their mind, but walked away with a slightly altered perspective and new information to thoughtfully consider. However, that is nearly impossible when a person approaches the interaction armed with half truths, a lack of basic comprehension, and demonstrably false information they refuse to discard. There is a huge chasm between a difference of opinion and willful ignorance.
At this point (and I probably should have arrived here a long time ago) I simply believe that society is too far gone. My opinion matters even less than it already did. The world is cannibalizing itself. As a whole we’ve chosen the wrong paths, elevated the wrong people (on both sides of the political aisle and in many other realms), and tossed aside so much that was good. That doesn’t mean that greatness no longer exists or that wonderful things can’t be achieved anymore. We aren’t as smart as we think we are though.
There is a sense of peace in surrender. 1 Peter 5:6-10 says to humble yourselves before God and cast your anxieties on Him. Romans 12:2 states that a surrendered life results in the renewing of our minds. Matthew 16:24 tells us real life comes from giving up our old ways for His sake. Even if the Christian viewpoint isn’t your thing, the conclusion remains. President Lincoln opined that it is “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”. In The Godfather Don Vito Corleone advises “never tell anyone outside the family what you are thinking.” Author Cormac McCarty wrote “the more noise you make the more likely you are to be eaten…if birds couldn’t fly they wouldn’t sing.” Mark Twain thought that “the right word may be effective, but no word is ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” Founding Father Benjamin Franklin cautioned “remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” Most things are better left unsaid.
My input isn’t needed. Neither is yours. Not only is it not appreciated, but sadly there are more people than you realize that will hate you for your beliefs. Smile. Be funny. Be charming. Don’t fall into any traps. Don’t provide ammunition to those who would turn on you like a viper at the drop of a hat (which is the vast majority of those in your orbit). Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. Get right with God if that falls within your personal ethos. As Dad would say, it’s not going to get any better.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
I read a story recently about a fairly well known personality who was observed dancing & partying with some gal pals. The young lady was criticized by a dumbass podcaster because her even more recognizable significant other died less than a year ago. Keyboard Warriors (the good kind) were quick to defend the woman, and rightfully so. The story had me all up in my feelings. Now I’m not famous, nor am I a party animal, but I have lost loved ones, and insomuch as I have whatever shred of a social life that may exist, I choose to enjoy little things as much as possible to honor their memory. That doesn’t mean there aren’t tears or days when the grief sneaks up & overwhelms, but I feel like wallowing in sadness 24/7/365 would be disrespectful.
You can’t say that you “welcome open discourse” then follow that up with “we’ll ban anyone who expresses opinions we disagree with”. Which is it?? If only certain perspectives are tolerated that’s fine…whatever floats your boat, but don’t claim otherwise & talk out of both sides of your mouth.
Friends, citizens, and fellow music lovers, I come not to bury Taylor Swift, but neither will I praise her. First things first, I am a middle aged man who enjoys classic rock, jazz & blues, and old crooners like The Rat Pack. I am not T-Swift’s target audience. That being said, an opinion is like…well, you know…everybody’s got one. My observation is that Swift is a vaguely attractive, moderately talented young lady who has been marketed brilliantly for the female youth demographic. She seems to write alot of songs about heartbreak & past relationships that didn’t end well, which strikes a chord with millions of cynical divorcees & jilted lovers. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. It’s not my thing, but obviously resonates with millions of girls & young women. However, it seems as if her latest album contains slightly more mature content, including some anti-God rhetoric. So now the Church Moms have chimed in, which has compelled Swifties to retaliate & defend their gal. It’s all quite silly, but…if you are one of those people posting how it isn’t Taylor Swift’s responsibility to be a role model or cater to others’ spiritual beliefs you are atleast misguided, albeit not totally wrong. Swift can’t have it both ways. She cannot build an empire on the hard earned dollars of parents trying to make their daughters happy then act surprised or offended when those folks take issue with songs that mock & blaspheme their faith. While she certainly should write & perform whatever kind of music she wants, the masses retain the reciprocal right to call her out on material they perceive to be objectionable.
There’s an old saying…”death by a thousand cuts”. Dealing with certain people reminds me of that occasionally. They just chip away at my patience & goodwill like a woodpecker on a maple tree, with absolutely no self-awareness or ability to control their exasperating bullshit. It’s exhausting. Just shut the %#*^ up. Stop talking!! I have zero interest in anything spewing from your mouth.
Not long ago I inquired about the accessibility of a venue that was hosting an event I had interest in attending. I got the following reply: “the first floor (where the majority of the vendors are) is. Parking is across the street from the venue.” So, no…your venue is NOT handicapped accessible. Got it 🙄.
One of the most fascinating words in sociopolitics is “progress”, as in “progressive”. The dictionary definition of progressive is “making use of or interested in new ideas, findings, or opportunities…moving forward or onward…believing in social improvement by governmental action”. I agree, in theory, that it sounds great. Moving forward is better than backward. New, fresh ideas are cool. Improvement is a good thing, right?? Or is it?? Who decides if new ideas are actually better than doing things the old way?? The truth is that sometimes new is good, but sometimes it isn’t. Forward is not a wise direction if it leads to peril. And don’t even get me started on “governmental action”. That concept is always a slippery slope. Too many people enjoy patting themselves on the back when advocating for something that passes a vibe check, but when one dives into the details it turns out to be a horrible idea. It’s akin to judging a book by its cover, which we’ve all been taught is a bad thing.
People without a sense of humor not only lack the ability to understand a joke, they don’t realize how irritating their density is to others. I lean toward posting lighthearted silliness on social media because I long ago gave up trying to use those platforms to inform the obtuse masses or “win” a debate. I’m just out here trying to have fun and make people smile. So imagine my occasional frustration when a completely cavalier post is replied to with an ultra-earnest comment. It has happened a few times thru the years and I have successfully avoided replying with “What the f^*k is your problem?!?!?!??”. I’ve come to the conclusion that those folks are unhappy people with shitty lives, and I’m not going to let them dilute my delight. If you are such a person I would encourage you to simply scroll on by and not offer commentary on something you don’t seem to understand. No one needs your negativity.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
I generally prefer solitude to meaningless interaction. Empty calories are for junk food. Conversation & fellowship should be more enriching.
I’ve never been as good about studying God’s Word as I need to be. I am lazy and a procrastinator. I’ve had plans to write my thoughts in this space as I studied The Bible for over a decade, but follow thru has been an issue my entire life. Having said that, when I actually dive into the process one thing I will not do is post frequent photos of my open Bible on social media in a sad attempt to gain attention and persuade the masses into believing I’m a “good person”, which feels like what Matthew would consider “sounding a trumpet as the hypocrites do, that they may have glory from men.”
People in “protected classes” get BIG mad when you call them out on their BS double standards. It’s quite hilarious.
It wasn’t my intention to lean into religiosity, but sometimes one is just led in a certain direction, and who am I to resist?? You may have read in the news recently that Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner’s teenage daughter came out as transgender (Or is it gender fluid?? Non-binary?? Who knows nowadays 🙄) while speaking at her grandfather’s funeral. For the moment let’s put aside the classless narcissism of doing so in that moment that is intended to honor a deceased loved one, and we’ll also overlook the fact that Affleck’s current wife Jennifer Lopez happens to have a kid (or two 🤔) in The Alphabet Brigade (What are the odds??). A question was posed on social media about why so many Hollywood types these days seem to have “LGBTQ+” offspring, and a thought occurred to me that applies in multiple ways. Why do so many rich & famous people have substance abuse issues?? Why do so many of them seem to go thru relationships like the rest of us change socks?? To be fair, these issues…alcoholism, divorce, identity confusion, etc…are problems faced by regular folks too, but they seem to be exponentially worse amongst society’s elite, and I think it may be the result of a Faustian Pact. They sell their souls to The Devil in exchange for fame, money, power, and influence. Makes perfect sense.
If a person working in healthcare or a healthcare adjacent field is in poorer health than the people they are paid to take care of perhaps they should find a different line of work.
There are times when we all need to share a little pain, and ironing out the rough spots is the hardest part when memories remain. – Elton John
When I lost my mother 24 years ago technology wasn’t quite as advanced as it is now. I wrote Mom a letter and decided that she could read it once she got to Heaven. Unfortunately, to my horror, there were printer issues, which freaked me out in a way that is embarrassing to ponder two decades later. At any rate, I decided to save the letter on a floppy disk and put that in her casket. It’s okay if you’re laughing…the term “floppy disk” was funny even back in the day, and it certainly seems quaint now.
So here we are, with a much improved forum to express my thoughts upon the passing of my sister. Sadly, words not only seem inadequate, but aren’t, with all due respect to Ralphie Parker, pouring out with feverish fluidity. To be honest, I’ve been kind of numb the past couple of weeks. I’m okay as long as I am busy, or atleast distracted, but when things get too quiet, well…that’s a different story.
My sister was a normal, healthy, much loved, well cared for, maybe even spoiled toddler of nearly three when I arrived and totally screwed everything up for her. IYKYK. I required a lot of care & attention in my childhood, including multiple surgeries & hospitalizations that took my mother away from my sister for significant stretches of time. To her credit she didn’t act out or express jealousy. I never got the sense that she felt any kind of resentment. It’s a discussion we never had, which I regret. We were blessed to not only have terrific parents, but a fantastic support system. It took a village for us decades before that whole idea became trendy.
Don’t misunderstand…I am not deifying my sister. While certain aspects of our dynamic were unusual, in general we were typical siblings. She remains the only person I’ve ever punched, but in all fairness she once opened a recliner on my face and also whacked me with a cast iron skillet. We weren’t perfect by any stretch, but I believe we were perceived as good kids by most people. Parenting matters.
Oddly enough we had what we called The Secret Club, promising not to tell our parents certain things. I refer to it as odd because we weren’t troublemakers and didn’t have many secrets to keep. The only thing that pops into my mind is when we found the hidden stash of Christmas gifts and knew we were getting an Atari weeks in advance. The surprise we expressed when opening that present on Christmas morning should probably have gotten us Academy Award nominations. Or perhaps Mom & Dad saw right thru us like that rather transparent wrapping paper. I don’t know…it was never discussed. I just remember how much I enjoyed playing Frogger & Pitfall…in her room, because that’s where the game was set up. After all, she had seniority.
We were fairly prosaic teenagers by modern standards. No drinking or drugs. No petty crime sprees. She was the quintessential teenage girl who argued with her mother occasionally. She’d tell Mom “I’ll do anything you need me to do. Just tell me what to do!!”, while Mom’s logic was “I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do…you should see what needs to be done and do it.” I think my sister finally understood when she became a mother. We both did well enough academically, although I never got to observe her in that environment because I always attended different schools due to accessibility. I know she wasn’t in the popular cliques with the cool kids, and she wasn’t a band geek, but she had friends and was well-liked. I have gotten to know some of her friends thru the years. We did go to church with Mom and were in the youth group together, and she would certainly agree that those were some of the most fun & impactful years of our lives.
Adulthood can sometimes create a level of distance as people marry, have children of their own, relocate, and evolve in various aspects of life, but my sister & I grew closer as we got older. She had her first child when I was in college, and I finally got to meet him several weeks later when I came home for Spring Break amidst a blizzard. When she had her younger son I was at the hospital with the family as it was happening. He looked a lot like me growing up and I’d joke around with his mother that “this is West Virginia…people may start to talk”. She & I actually worked together for a couple of years scanning fingerprint cards for an FBI-adjacent company. It may not have been my favorite place of employment, but in hindsight I am thankful for the experience.
Things weren’t always pleasant. She got divorced. Our mother died. We both had health challenges, which was pretty standard for me but a new mountain to climb for her. However, she raised her boys, and just like us they didn’t get into much trouble, got thru school, and have become productive, decent, respectable young men. They too have a great support system, which is extremely important now. Herman Melville once said “our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.”
We often agreed that our lives were never quite the same after Mom’s death. I don’t know why that is…we weren’t small children. Maybe it was simply a convenient focal point. Other things strengthened our bond. Technology can be a wonderful thing, and we texted each other all the time. She talked me off a ledge in many situations, and I offered my perspective on things with which she struggled. There was an unspoken permission to express our darkest or weirdest thoughts without judgement. She was so much like my mother in the way that she was kind & self-effacing, but didn’t hesitate to speak her mind or tell a person the hard truth. Her increasingly poor health created a new level of understanding. We got each other in ways that no one else can truly recognize, hating the roadblocks we faced. We both worried about our Dad and felt bad that he was still doing things for us at a time when we should’ve been taking care of him.
It’s important to note the lighter moments as well. Our childhood babysitter got us hooked on soap operas…Days of Our Lives & General Hospital. I already miss discussing GH with her. Back in the day she was a Dallas Cowboys fan while I have been a die hard Pittsburgh Steelers fan since I was four years old. That created some good-natured taunting when those two teams would play one another. Something weird happened in recent years though, as she started watching Steelers games. She would’ve gladly carried the banner at any #FireTomlin rally. When we talked or got to be together we always ended up laughing about something. DaLynn had a pretty smile & a great laugh, and I enjoyed making her laugh.
One of the things that I’ve been dealing with is that I don’t have anyone to whine & complain to now. Who can I discuss the trivial aspects of my mundane existence with?? I have people in my life that talk a lot, but who is going to listen to me?? Who will laugh at my nonsense?? No one else really understands me. I realize that sounds selfish, but when Carly inevitably cheats on Drew with Sonny, who is still in love with Nina despite her many faults, I’m going to need to kvetch a bit. Every night for the past couple of weeks, usually around 10pm-ish when I’m winding down, I’ve wanted to text her and assess the events of the day. I’m the kind of nerd that has a few special ringtones for certain people. TheGodfather theme for my Dad. Darth Vader’s Imperial March for an old boss I had. The Star Trek theme for a friend who hasn’t called me in several years. DaLynn’s ringtone is a song you’ve heard a million times if you’ve ever watched the Peanuts animated specials. It’s called Linus & Lucy, because Lucy was Linus’ sister, and that’s how my mind works. I’ll never use it for anyone else, but I will also never delete it from my phone.
Though I don’t always act like it or set a good example, I am a man of faith. When I said goodbye to my sister I told her she was going to get to see Mom & all of our grandparents, along with many other long departed loved ones, and I sincerely believe it. That being said, I have suddenly felt very alone. I love my father, and have been so proud of my nephews thru all of this, but it’s not the same. My sister & I were peers. She didn’t treat me like “the guy in a wheelchair”. She didn’t pity me. Unlike interactions with other women, I didn’t feel the need to impress her or be cool. I have friends, but thru no fault of their own they will never truly know me in the way that she did. That being said, my father has now had to bury his wife and daughter, as well as his parents. That’s an incredible amount of loss. I do understand what my nephews are going thru, and that their lives are forever altered as ours were two dozen years ago.
So now, life moves forward, like a rock band with only a couple original members from the classic lineup. There will still be music, it’ll just sound a bit different. I have resumed normal activities, as have her sons and my father. I have begun posting my usual silliness on social media again, which amuses me and hopefully makes some people smile. I will be going to shows at the performing arts center down the street. My friends there and the entertainment provided will be a welcome diversion. I will do these things to honor her memory, and continue doing the same for my mother. The grief will never end…I know that. However, we will laugh again. There will be good times. They are reunited, which is comforting, and I’m sure DaLynn knows what to do now without Mom having to ask.
Annnnnnddddd we are back!! The Sammys are thrilled to kick Awards Season into high gear, as we give a spotlight to the highs & lows of 2023. Please check out Part 1 & Part 2, then come back for the exciting conclusion of our show.
Our host, Bert Kreischer, has some hilarious thoughts about Jameis Winston, Jimmy Kimmel, and Michelle Obama, and then it’s time to move on.
To present our next award we’re happy to welcome back an Emmy & Golden Globe winning and Oscar nominated actor as well as a fiery social media shit stirrer. Please give a rousing ovation to James Woods!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Movie
Shotgun Wedding What do you get when you cross an action flick with a rom-com?? Apparently Die Hard at a Wedding. J-Lo has been a bride onscreen more than she has in real life, which one would think impossible. She’s charming, as is the rest of the ensemble, but it adds up to forgettable fluff. A promising premise & talented performers can’t quite save the production as a whole.
Champions Woody Harrelson is a disgraced minor league pro basketball coach who receives community service after a DUI arrest. His assignment?? Coaching a special needs basketball team. The plot is rather predictable, including the redeemed coach inevitably getting an opportunity to move on to bigger & better things, the romance with a player‘s sister, and even a game winning shot at the end of the climactic ball game. However, it’s all quite amusing & affable so the cliches can be forgiven.
You People When a young black woman introduces her white fiancé & his parents to her family it doesn’t go well. I get the whole culture clash thing. Race. Religion. The Generation Gap. Those subjects can be comedy gold mines…but they can also be land mines. With an ensemble that includes Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jonah Hill, Nia Long, and David Duchovny you’d be right to expect greatness, but the humor lacks subtlety. I feel like social commentary requires finesse, not a billy club.
Paint Imagine beloved TV artist Bob Ross as a sensitive ladies’ man who bangs all of his female co-workers in the back of a van. Owen Wilson essentially cosplays Ross in this weird lil movie that I don’t hate but don’t quite get.
No Hard Feelings Jennifer Lawrence is one of those actors that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t vibe with in real life, but her work can be rather delightful. Low key comedy is her wheelhouse, and in this rom-com she portrays a down-on-her-luck Uber driver struggling to make ends meet when a unique opportunity presents itself. A well-to-do couple hires her to romance their socially inept son before he heads off to college. It’s a vaguely inappropriate relationship on multiple levels, but somehow the movie ends up being mildly humorous & charming.
The Holdovers A surly history teacher gets stuck overseeing a group of students who can’t make it home from their snooty boarding school during Christmas break. When all of the students except one receive an opportunity to leave the professor bonds with the troubled young man, as well as the school’s head cook, who recently lost her son in Vietnam.
Maestro A biopic of legendary composer/pianist/conductor Leonard Bernstein. Bradley Cooper will undoubtedly receive an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor, but the movie is kind of dull.
Wonka If you’re a fan of the 1971 classic Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (or the 2005 remake starring Johnny Depp), based on the 1964 book Charlie & The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, this is a prequel origin story for the character. Is it as good as its predecessor?? That’s difficult to determine in the moment and probably an unfair yet inevitable comparison. It is delightful enough, but not quite as enigmatic. I suppose we’ll be able to make a better assessment in a decade or two.
JesusRevolution Based on a true story about an evangelical movement led by hippies in 1960s California. I think it’s the kind of movie that you need to watch a few times to really absorb the message. I’m a big Kelsey Grammar fan, but his role isn’t as significant as one might assume.
Best Christmas Ever When a moderately unhappy couple & their two children are inadvertently snowbound at the posh home of an old college frienemy, silly yet heartwarming hijinks ensue. The cast is likable enough, but it’s about a half step above a Hallmark movie, with less romance and some alleged comedy thrown into the recipe.
and the Sammy goes to…..
The Holdovers. It’s not a traditional Christmas movie, but we are presented with a mellow concoction that takes full advantage of its ingredients, unlike some of the more boisterous competition. Academy Award winning director Alexander Payne and Emmy & Golden Globe winner Paul Giamatti first teamed up two decades ago for the delightful Sideways, and though this movie is more melancholy and shares cinematic DNA with the 1989 Robin Williams classic DeadPoetsSociety, it is nevertheless a worthy metamorphosis.
Here at The Sammys we always hope to entertain the masses with a fair-minded, non-controversial appreciation of the past year, and one thing we love is music. So, get up on your feet and dance in the aisles as we welcome, here to perform his #1 hit TryThatinaSmallTown, quadruple platinum selling artist Jason Aldean!!
Thank you Jason!! We don’t even like country music around here, but it never hurts to shake up the formula occasionally. To present the final award of the evening it is an immense pleasure to welcome back author & outspoken commentator Candace Owens!! And the nominees are:
Biggest News Story
Biden’sClassifiedDocuments Last January more than two dozen classified documents dating back to Joe Biden’s time as a Senator & Vice President were found haphazardly stored in an office and in his garage. Whereas, in a similar circumstance, former President Trump’s home was raided by the FBI as if he’d committed a heinous crime, Biden’s situation was presented as no big deal and has been largely forgotten.
Ohio Train Derailment In early February 2023 a Norfolk Southern freight train carrying hazardous materials derailed in East Palestine, OH, affecting water & air quality and the health of thousands of residents. Federal response was weak, and of the two individuals who will likely be vying for the White House in the very near future, only one appeared to give a damn.
Ukraine I won’t pretend to be an expert on foreign politics. I will opine that neither country or their “leaders” appear to be good guys, and the billions of dollars U.S. taxpayers are involuntarily sending to Ukraine seem more like kickbacks that are somehow filtered into the pockets of certain politicians. International relations cannot be ignored….I get that. However, I believe in helping our own citizens before funneling money to fund a war in which the United States is not directly involved.
GenderIdeology To each their own. Live & let live. However, it is odd that the same people who preached “follow the science” during the Covid Pandemic are so willing to toss aside biology. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness that should be treated as such. Especially when it comes to children, such instances need to be confronted with compassion & kindness, but surely that can be done without indulging a grade schooler to the point that they irrevocably alter their life on multiple levels.
TrumpIndicted In 2023 former President Trump faced multiple indictments on nearly a hundred charges ranging from falsifying business documents to mishandling of classified documents to answering for January 6, 2021, an event that some leftists have tried to sell as being more tragic than WWII & 9/11. Clearly all of it is a pathetic attempt by The Establishment and their cronies in the media to hinder Trump’s 2024 Presidential campaign. The sad thing is it just might work, despite the charges being way overblown. No one is saying Donald Trump is a terrific human being, but those that have spent the last several years trying to destroy him are pure evil.
SpeakeroftheHouse Their policies may be hot garbage, but atleast Democrats are unified. At a time when the country is worn out by Covid & its aftermath, billions of dollars being sent to Ukraine, leftist agendas on climate change, identity politics, & racial division, and inflation, one could fairly assume that the a new path would be an easy sell. Unfortunately Republicans can’t stop battling each other long enough to focus on saving a nation on the brink. California’s Kevin McCarthy became Speaker of the House of Representatives (third in line to the Presidency) in January 2023, but it took more rounds of voting than any such selection process since 1859. He only lasted until October before being ousted, the first time in the history of the House that a Speaker was successfully removed. It then took four days of cajoling before Louisiana’s Mike Johnson received the gavel, with Democrats laughing the whole time.
MiddleEastUnrest In October 2023 the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas invaded Israel. The surprising thing has been the amount of pro-Palestine protests here in the United States. I cannot present an authoritative history lesson on The Middle East, but I know that Israel is God’s Chosen People and an American ally. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised any longer by the effects of our modern “progressive” education system.
Canadian&HawaiiWildfires The 2023 wildfire season saw the most area burned in Canada’s recorded history, beginning in March and intensifying in June, with an ongoing, record-setting series of fires affecting every province. In early August 2023, a series of wildfires broke out in Hawaii, predominantly on the island of Maui. The wind-driven fires prompted evacuations, caused widespread damage, and killed at least 100 people. But don’t worry…billionaires Oprah “Satan’s Favorite Talk Show Host” Winfrey & future President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson were on the scene with a plan to rebuild Maui with YOUR money while they get all the glory.h
and the Sammy goes to…..
Ukraine. I don’t know…something smells fishy. It’s become quite fashionable to put the Ukraine flag on social media profiles to show how compassionate a person believes themselves to be, as if they’re supporting the local soup kitchen or saving cute little puppies. However, the truth is that Ukraine, led by Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former comedian & actor with a fondness for comfie sweatshirts, isn’t that much better than the evil Russian Empire, led by Vladimir Putin. I don’t think most American citizens have any clue what they’re supporting, and I am damn sure that none of us know what all those billions of dollars we’re passing out like candy is really being spent on.
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (the first female to serve on The Court)…..legendary game show host (The Price is Right), actor (Happy Gilmore), & animal rights advocate Bob Barker…former First Lady Rosalynn Carter…groundbreaking television writer & producer Norman Lear (All in theFamily, The Jeffersons, Sanford&Son)…singers/musicians Jimmy Buffett, Tina Turner, Tony Bennett, Gary Rossington (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Jeff Beck, Charlie Thomas (The Drifters), David Crosby, Robbie Bachman (Bachman-Turner Overdrive), Wayne Shorter, Fred White (Earth, Wind, & Fire), Harry Belafonte, Gordon Lightfoot, Sinead O’Connor, Robbie Robertson (The Band), Bernie Marsden (Whitesnake), Steve Harwell (Smash Mouth), Mylon LeFevre, Roger Whittaker, and Rudolph Isley (The Isley Brothers)…infamous talk show host Jerry Springer…former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger…comedian Shecky Greene…NFL Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown & NBA Hall of Fame player/coach/executive Willis Reed…astronaut Ken Mattingly (portrayed in Apollo 13 by Gary Sinise)…daredevil Robbie Knievel…heiress & singer Lisa Marie Presley…former pro football executives Bobby Beathard (Washington Redskins, San Diego Chargers), Dick Haley (Pittsburgh Steelers), and Gil Brandt (Dallas Cowboys)…actresses Suzanne Somers (Three’sCompany, Step By Step), Melinda Dillon (A Christmas Story, Slap Shot), Cindy Williams (Laverne & Shirley, AmericanGraffiti), Raquel Welch (TheThreeMusketeers, RighttoDie), Jaclyn Zeman (GeneralHospital), Arleen Sorkin (Days of Our Lives, Batman: The Animated Series), Stella Stevens (The Nutty Professor, ThePoseidonAdventure), Lisa Loring (TheAddamsFamily, As the World Turns), Gina Lollobrigida (a variety of Italian films), Annie Wersching (GeneralHospital), Carole Cook (SixteenCandles), Barbara Bosson (Hill StreetBlues, TheLastStarfighter), Inga Swenson (Benson), Nancy Frangione (AnotherWorld), Cindy Morgan (Caddyshack), Piper Laurie (TheHustler, Carrie, TwinPeaks), and Frances Sternhagen (Cheers, Doc Hollywood)…Ted Kaczynski (aka The Unabomber)…NASCAR legend Cale Yarborough…Grammy winning musician (The Eagles) & songwriter (Take it to the Limit) Randy Meisner and songwriter & drummer (Kool & The Gang) George “Funky” Brown (Celebration, Ladies’ Night)…NHL Hall of Famer Bobby Hull (Chicago Blackhawks, Winnipeg Jets), MLB Hall of Famers Brooks Robinson (Baltimore Orioles) & Sal Bando (Oakland A’s), and NFL Hall of Famers Dick Butkus (Chicago Bears) & Joe Kapp (Minnesota Vikings)…televangelists Pat Robertson & Charles Stanley…poker champion Doyle Brunson…pastor & author Tim Keller…songwriters/composers Barrett Stone (I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone), Burt Bacharach (There’s Always Something TheretoRemindMe,The Look of Love, ISayaLittlePrayer, RaindropsKeepFallin’ On My Head, Arthur’s Theme, That’s What Friends Are For), Jim Gordon (Layla), Bobby Caldwell (TheNextTimeIFall), Cynthia Weil (You’veLostThatLovin’ Feelin’, SomewhereOutThere), Gary Wright (DreamWeaver)…sportscasters Stan Savran, Billy Packer, Tim McCarver, and Ken Squier…actors Matthew Perry (Friends, FoolsRushIn), Alan Arkin (LittleMissSunshine, The Santa Clause 3, EdwardScissorhands, GlengarryGlenRoss), Tyler Christopher (GeneralHospital), Richard Moll (NightCourt), Adam Rich (Eight is Enough), Billy Miller (TheYoung&Restless, GeneralHospital), Lance Kerwin (James at 15), Tom Sizemore (Striking Distance, SavingPrivate Ryan), Robert Blake (Baretta), Richard Belzer (Law & Order: SVU, Homicide: LifeontheStreet), Michael Lerner (Eight Men Out, Elf), Treat Williams (1941, Once Upon a Time inAmerica), Nicolas Coster (SantaBarbara, All the President’s Men), Julian Sands (Ocean’sThirteen), Frederic Forrest (ApocalypseNow), Marc Gilpin (Jaws), Paul Reubens (TheBlues Brothers, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse), Johnny Hardwick (King of the Hill), Ron Cephas Jones (This Is Us), Maurice Hines (TheCottonClub), Sir Michael Gambon (Harry Potter), Richard Roundtree (Shaft), Burt Young (Rocky), Joss Ackland (LethalWeapon2), Andre Braugher (Homicide: LifeontheStreet, BrooklynNine–Nine), Tom Wilkinson (TheFullMonty, Recount, ThePatriot), Kamar de los Reyes (OneLifetoLive), and Ryan O’Neal (LoveStory, PaperMoon)…cartoonist Chris Browne (Hagar the Horrible)…astronaut Frank Borman…Food Network host Bobby Rivers…pro wrestlers Terry Funk, “Superstar” Billy Graham, The Iron Sheik, Jay Briscoe, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo, Windham Rotunda (aka Bray Wyatt), Jeff Gaylord, Butch Miller (The Bushwhackers), Darren Drozdov, “Exotic” Adrian Street, Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey, Brett Sawyer, Killer Khan, and promoter Jerry Jarrett…comedian & musician Tom Smothers…engineer Gaston Glock (creator of the Glock pistol)…former U.S. Congresswoman Pat Schroeder (Colorado), former Connecticut Governor & Senator Lowell Weicker, former New Mexico Governor & UN Ambassador Bill Richardson, former mayor of San Francisco & U.S. Congresswoman Dianne Feinstein (California), and former U.S. Senator (Wisconsin), Milwaukee Bucks owner, & Kohl’s Department Store founder Herb Kohl…former basketball coaches Bobby Knight (Indiana Hoosiers, Texas Tech Red Raiders), Chris Ford (Boston Celtics), Terry Holland (Virginia Cavaliers), Billy Hahn (WV Mountaineers), Denny Crum (Louisville Cardinals), Brendan Malone (Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors), & Joey Meyer (DePaul Blue Demons) and former football coaches Vince Tobin (Arizona Cardinals) & Hall-of-Famer Bud Grant (Minnesota Vikings)…authors John Jakes (North & South) & Cormac McCarthy (BloodMeridian, NoCountry for Old Men, TheRoad)…former Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson…TV director Peter Werner (Academy Award winner in 1976 for Best Live Action Short Film)…Dancing with the Stars judge Len Goodman…former NFL referee Art McNally…stuntman George Wilbur (Halloween)…Heisman Trophy winners & former NFL players Johnny Lujack & Charles White, former NFL players & TV pitchmen Conrad Dobler and Walt Garrison, retired NFL players Ryan Mallett (New England Patriots), Clark Haggans (Pittsburgh Steelers), Sean Dawkins (Indianapolis Colts), Alex Collins (Seattle Seahawks, Baltimore Ravens), Mike Williams (Tampa Bay Buccaneers), Russ Francis (New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers), and Frank Wycheck (Tennessee Titans)…political satirist Mark Russell…Bob Lee (founder of CashApp)…former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi…former PGA golfers Don January & Andy Bean…cinematographer Bill Butler (Jaws, Grease) & Oscar winning screenwriter Bo Goldman (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Scent of a Woman)…journeyman NBA players Felton Spencer & Eric Montross…The View producer Bill Geddie…comedian Pat Cooper…former WV Supreme Court Justice Warren McGraw…former MLB players Dick Groat (Pittsburgh Pirates), Tim Wakefield (Pittsburgh Pirates, Boston Red Sox), & Vida Blue (Oakland A’s) and manager Pat Corrales (Cleveland Indians)
Welcome back to the 2023 Sammy Awards!! Please check out Part 1 if you haven’t already done so.
Our host Bert Kreischer is amused that we didn’t care for his little movie, but pleased that it didn’t win the award for which it was nominated.
After he expresses his hilarious thoughts on the subject we are excited to welcome our next presenter. He is also a very funny comedian, but these days is best known as the host of the game show FamilyFeud. Please give a warm greeting to Steve Harvey!! And the nominees are:
Favorite App
Amazon Music I’d rather listen to music than watch television most of the time. I am very moody when it comes to the tunes I enjoy. What I’m into might change on a daily basis. However, I’ve never been unable to find what I’m looking for on Amazon Music. It’s $10/month well spent.
Infinity 8 Ball I was never a gamer. I tried in my younger days, but game systems are pricey, and the games themselves aren’t that affordable either. However, I do enjoy winding down after a long day by playing games on my phone, and in 2023 billiards became my jam. I’ve played over 4000 games, which probably means I need to read more books.
Collageable I take a lot of photos whenever I attend a social event. I might take a hundred pics but end up with 35 good ones by the time I filter out blurry or repetitive shots. This app allows me to be even more efficient by stitching together two or more photos so that out of the original 100 I end up posting maybe 10 or 15 to social media.
and the Sammy goes to…..
AmazonMusic. For the second year in a row my favorite music app takes the prize. My taste in music runs the gamut, but whether it’s classic rock, jazz, or something current that I happen to hear on the radio and want to groove to later on, I’m always able to find what I seek.
To present our next award we are thrilled to welcome back an old friend. In addition to hosting our show multiple times in the past he has won several Emmys and a Tony as well as being nominated for Grammy & Golden Globe Awards. He has starred in films like CitySlickers, ThePrincessBride, and WhenHarryMetSally. Please get on your feet for the legendary Billy Crystal!! And the nominees are:
Favorite TV Show
Frasier I was thrilled when a Frasier reboot was first announced, pensive upon learning that none of the other original cast members would be joining Kelsey Grammer for the new show, and a bit disappointed by early reviews. After watching the first season I will say that its predecessor casts a long shadow. Frasier 2.0 doesn’t approach the magnificence of its forerunner. However, much like a talented tribute band, it is entertaining enough. Many of the negative reviews are more harsh than necessary, and I hope Paramount+ sees fit to allow the show to evolve and come into our homes for a few more years.
General Hospital Oddly enough, 2023 is the year that my interest in soap operas stretching back four decades reached an all time low. Many of my old favorites went away a long time ago anyway, and I’d stopped watching DaysofOurLives way before it moved to Peacock in 2022 (a moot point since I subscribe to that streaming service). This past year I totally lost interest in a couple other soaps. The lone survivor is GeneralHospital, which has been a part of my life longer than most people.
WWE Raw / Smackdown WWE has some competition from another promotion called All Elite Wrestling, but it’s not really that much of a contest. WWE shows still feel like an event…most of the time. I don’t get as excited about any of it anymore, but I’ve decided that’s a byproduct of being 50+ vs. 20-something. The fact is if I’m home on Monday or Friday night and there’s nothing else demanding my attention, you’ll find me watching wrasslin’.
and the Sammy goes to…..
GeneralHospital. I said it last year and it bears repeating…consistency wins. I find it difficult to become invested in a streaming show when the next season might not happen for a year or more. I realize the writer’s strike impacted many programs, most notably for our purposes CobraKai, which would’ve gotten some love if not for the fact that there haven’t been new episodes since September 2022. Conversely, due to contract loopholes that I’m not necessarily sure I understand, soap operas were largely unaffected by the multiple strikes (actors went on strike too). Therefore GeneralHospital was available for my viewing pleasure every weekday as usual.
Our next presenter hosts one of the most popular podcasts in the world, and is also a UFC commentator, but I remember him from the 90’s sitcom NewsRadio. Please give a warm welcome to Joe Rogan!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Talking Head (Sports)
ScottVanPelt I don’t enjoy ESPN programming as much as I once did for many reasons. Having said that, if I am awake I do find myself tuning into SVP hosted episodes of SportsCenter with some regularity. I enjoy his astute & objective insight, and find him amusing without being sophomoric.
Gus Johnson Passion. That’s the best word to describe Johnson. Every game he broadcasts feels like an event, and his excitement doesn’t seem phony.
JoelKlatt Fox Sports pairs Gus Johnson with former Colorado Buffaloes QB Klatt, with the latter being more laid-back & cerebral. In addition to his commentary duties Klatt is a good follow on social media, where he posts easily digestible videos with keen analysis of current sports topics.
and the Sammy goes to…..
ScottVanPelt. Having been with ESPN for more than two decades, SVP is one of the few remaining old guard personalities who made the channel great, before it was infiltrated by inspid, woke wannabes that don’t entice me to tune in, and in many cases make it quite easy to tune out. Van Pelt is comfortable in any environment, whether it is a football field, golf course, or discussing pop culture. Any child out there dreaming of a future in sportscasting would be wise to use him as a role model.
At the young age of 23 our next presenter has already accomplished much. After being a succesful swimmer at the University of Kentucky, where she was named All SEC multiple times, she has been thrust into a battle between sports & politics as an advocate against the inclusion of trans “women” in women’s athletics. However, in this moment she wants to put all of that on the back burner and have some fun with us. Please give a rousing ovation to Riley Gaines!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Foodie
TipsyBartender Skyy John actually wears two hats online. As a longtime mixologist in Los Angeles, the Bahamas native posts videos on social media about making cocktails, crazy milkshakes, buckets of jungle juice, and everything in between. He also has a channel called Definitely Not Gourmet, in which he makes all kinds of tasty vittles, from pizza tacos & breakfast crunch wraps to a wide variety of of cakes & other delicious desserts.
FoodDolls Cooking videos are rarely so soothing. Two Egyptian-American sisters who would most certainly thrive as phone sex operators offer short videos that almost always look yummy.
Mr. Food The original Mr. Food, Art Ginsberg, starred in brief videos that aired on various oulets for three decades. These days the late Mr. Ginsberg’s associate Howard Rosenthal hosts the segments that are introed by top notch ASMR (IYKYK).
and the Sammy goes to…..
TipsyBartender. I’m not much of a drinker, but am fascinated by mixology. That being said, I really enjoy the Definitely Not Gourmet videos and have actually been inspired to try some of those recipes.
You might not recognize our next presenter, but you should check her out. Actually, you might be more familiar with her father, Canadian psychologist, author, and cultural pundit Jordan Peterson. We love Dr. Peterson, but his lovely daughter is carving out her own niche as an author, blogger, and podcaster. Please give it up for Mikhaila Peterson!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Talking Head (Non-Sports)
BobbySauce Bobby Sausalito has hundreds of thousands of followers across multiple social media platforms, where he posts sardonic yet insightful video commentaries about politics, the economy, current events, and other topics.
DanBongino No one will ever replace talk radio icon Rush Limbaugh, but several folks are out there doing their best to fill the void. Among them is Bongino, a former NYPD officer & Secret Service agent who has also ran unsuccessfully for Congress. In 2023 he left his gig at Fox News (smart move), but he’s still available on the radio and online.
MattWalsh TheDailyWire seems to be a rather dysfunctional place of employment, but if you can ignore all of the infantile infighting a few of their personalities are worth a listen, especially Walsh. His provocative wit is matched by an acute intellect, but admittedly it’s a personality blend that doesn’t appeal to everyone.
and the Sammy goes to…..
BobbySauce. My attention span isn’t as long as it used to be. I’m not as interested in certain topics as I was a decade or two or three ago, so I won’t be watching an hour long TV show or listening to a three hour radio program debating hot button issues. I’ve got better things to do with my time. However, I do like to stay informed and learn, so if a person can catch my attention and educate me a little bit in a succint & agreeable manner while I’m scrolling in my spare time I’m good with it. Bobby Sauce does that.
Let’s take another break. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2023 Sammy Awards!!
As you may know, Hollywood came to a virtual standstill for several months in 2023 due to a writer’s strike. What you may not realize is that even imaginary awards shows were affected. Putting together this fake program takes months of preparation from a team of hundreds of people, and not being able to put in that work at all throughout last summer has had an impact. Having said that, we made the decision to soldier on and attempt to live up to the standard that our make-believe awards show has met or exceeded for nearly 15 years, which means the bar is set low enough that you probably won’t notice much difference.
The Sammys have grown from a simple Year in Review in 2009 to an annual tradition of celebrating the highs & lows, heroes & reprobates, thrills & chills of the recently concluded trip around the sun, recalling all of the moments, people, and stories that deserve praise or scorn.
To host this year’s show we have invited one of America’s most unique comedians. He has had multiple comedy specials on Netflix, hosted a few television programs that no one has ever heard of, and is actually nominated for a Sammy Award for a 2023 film based on his life. Please hoist your beverage of choice and toast our guy Bert Kreischer!!
After an hysterical opening monologue from our host it’s time to hand out our first two awards. We are happy to welcome back one of the hardest working people in sports, from hosting an afternoon program on ESPN to occasionally stepping into the WWE Universe to adding energy to CollegeGameday, you either love him or you don’t. Please welcome back to The Sammys former Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee!! And the nominees are:
The Agony of Defeat Award
Damar Hamlin On January 2, 2023 Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin went into cardiac arrest in the midst of a football game on live television. All the sudden the fun escape that so many of us enjoy became very real & quite scary.
Transgender Participation It’s been a hot topic for awhile but really ramped up in 2023. The number of young people identifying as transgender has doubled in the past five years. So what happens when a biological male who now calls themselves female (because it never seems to be the other way around) decides to play women’s sports, with undeniable advantages in strength, size, speed, and every other significant metric?? It’s a polarizing issue that, as usual, comes down to facts vs. feelings.
Bob Huggins In June 2023 West Virginia Mountaineers Hall of Fame basketball coach Bob Huggins was arrested & charged with DUI. Just a couple of months earlier he had made some quite politically incorrect remarks on a radio show and was already on thin ice. The DUI was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Huggins was forced to resign. A few weeks later he tried to rescind his resignation, but the university had moved on. It’s a sad ending to a great career. Actions have consequences. Public figures, though fallible human beings like the rest of us, need to be smarter & more aware of their behavior.
and the Sammy goes to…..
Actually, we’re going to deviate from the norm and have Pat McAfee give out two trophies at once. And the nominees are:
The Thrill of Victory Award
Bulldogs Repeat In January 2023 the Georgia Bulldogs captured their second consecutive NCAA National Championship by absolutely mauling the TCU Horned Frogs 65-7.
Damar Hamlin The aforementioned Hamlin was revived on the field by heroic medical personnel, and after a bit of a stay in a Cincinnati medical facility actually returned to the football field this season. The Bills have been understandably cautious in using him, but it’s nice to see a happy ending.
Brady Retires…Again After first announcing his retirement in February 2022 then returning just 40 days later like Jesus wrestling with Satan in the desert, the alleged GOAT QB finally put us all out of our misery exactly one year after retiring the first time.
UConn’s Madness The Connecticut Huskies basketball team won their fifth National Championship, beating the Miami Hurricanes & San Diego St. Aztecs in the Final Four, both in convincing fashion.
Nuggets Win NBA Title In June 2023 the Denver Nuggets defeated the Miami Heat in five games to claim their first ever NBA Championship since joining the league in 1976. It was nice having an NBA Finals that didn’t include the LA Lakers, Golden St. Warriors, or any involvement at all from Lebron James.
LIV-PGA Merger When LIV Golf won this award a year ago I opined that “I’ll be surprised if the whole thing is anything more than a memory five years from now.” To be fair I guess LIV is still a thing, but in June 2023 LIV Golf, the PGA Tour, and PGA European Tour announced that the three organizations would pool their commercial rights into a new venture intended to unify the game of golf on a global basis. So now the lines are blurred, and y’all know what happens when too many cooks are in the kitchen.
and the Sammy(s) go to…..
DamarHamlin. Come on…the dude died on live television then came back to play football again the following season. That’s badass 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.
To present our next award it seems appropriate to bring on a lady who knows a thing or two about disappointing movies, having starred in Rhinestone in 1984, with more recent cameos in duds like MissCongeniality2: Armed&Fabulous and the big screen adaptation of TheBeverlyHillbillies. On the other hand, she’s a country music legend, was actually inducted into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame in 2022, and is now apparently an honorary Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Please get on your feet for Dolly Parton!! And the nominees are:
Most Disappointing Movie
The Machine Comedian Bert Kreischer has built a career on a gimmick of removing his shirt onstage and a hilarious story about partying with the Russian Mafia in college. Someone decided to flesh that story out into a feature film and cast Mark Hamill as Bert’s crotchety father. I’m reminded of so many pedestrian movies based on SNL sketches that take a really funny concept and expand it beyond its intended limits. Sometimes it’s best not to mess with greatness.
The Flash Michael Keaton is the best big screen Batman. Period. End of story. That’s the only reason I visited the local cineplex to see this movie, and that part works. It filled my inner 17 year old with absolute joy to see Keaton don the cape & cowl again. However, when it comes to time travel & messing with the time-space continuum 2021’s Spider-Man: No WayHome did it much better.
The Iron Claw Pro wrestling fans have been anticipating it for quite awhile. The tragic story of Texas’ Von Erich family would seem to be more than suitable for the silver screen. Unfortunately filmmakers made some poor casting choices and inexplicably cut out one of the brothers altogether. The Von Erichs deserve better.
and the Sammy goes to…..
TheFlash. As much as I enjoyed seeing Michael Keaton as Batman again after all these years the rest of the movie is a mess. The actor portraying the titular superhero is apparently a douchenozzle in real life, but he’s also not a good actor. There were alot of questionable decisions made by the filmmakers, not the least of which was choosing George Clooney for a surprise cameo. It should’ve been Christian Bale.
To present our next award it is an honor to welcome the man who won it a year ago. He was a bit hesitant to return to an awards show, but once we told him it was imaginary he happily agreed. Please give a warm welcome to, but keep your distance from, iconic comedian Chris Rock!! And the nominees are:
Favorite Water Cooler Topic
Chinese Spy Balloon From January 28 to February 4, 2023, a high-altitude balloon originating from China flew across North America, all the way from Alaska & western Canada before being shot down by the Air Force off the coast of South Carolina. The balloon was in fact equipped with surveillance technology, but the Biden Administration, as with so many of their nefarious activities, downplayed the situation and the media dutifully carried the water for them.
Asbury Revival In February 2023 a worship service at Asbury University in central Kentucky (about a half hour from Lexington) turned into a two week revival with approximately 70,000 people visiting from around the world. The school made the decision to end services after a couple of weeks for various logistical reasons, but the impact the event made is remarkable.
Titanic Sequel In June 2023 a submersible operated by an American tourism company imploded during an expedition to view the wreck of the Titanic in the North Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Newfoundland, Canada. Five people were killed. In hindsight it became clear that mistakes were made, shortcuts were taken, and the tragedy was entirely preventable.
Ozempic A drug that’s been used to treat diabetes for several years became quite popular in 2023 as a weight loss medication. I know someone who lost about 100lbs., so I asked my doctor about it. I took Ozempic for a few weeks, but the gastrointestinal side effects were just too much for me to deal with.
The Sound of Freedom It’s a movie about child trafficking in Colombia. While the subject matter deserves more attention and it is an important topic that we all need to be more aware of, I will be honest and tell you I did not watch it. Movies are an escape. I watch them to laugh, be entertained, and forget about the struggles of life. Does that make me a bad person?? So be it.
Bud Light Last Spring, when Anheuser-Busch hired a guy who is “Tik Tok famous” for “identifying” as a woman as a new spokesperson, the backlash from the blue collar, middle class, traditional values crowd that tends to be Budweiser’s most significant demographic was swift & impactful. Sales declined & stock prices fell dramatically. More often than not boycotts are “full of sound & fury, signifying nothing”, but in this case Bud Light learned a lesson they’ll probably not forget, atleast for awhile.
Travis & Taylor I’ve never understood the Taylor Swift hype. She’s just another fairly talented, somewhat attractive singer. They’re a dime-a-dozen. I do understand that Travis Kelce is perhaps the best tight end in football. They’ve been dating for several months, with her attending a few of his games. The sports media has been all in on covering the romance. Is it a PR stunt?? I don’t think so. Should anyone be buying them housewarming gifts?? Probably not.
Oliver Anthony Last summer a Virginia folk singer went viral with a song called RichMenNorthofRichmond, with lyrics like “Lord knows they all just wanna have total control…Wanna know what you think, wanna know what you do…And they don’t think you know but I know that you do…’Cause your dollar ain’t shit and it’s taxed to no end…’Cause of rich men north of Richmond”. The song struck a chord amongst the working class who have been struggling to make ends meet while Big Government tosses them aside to kowtow to the Climate Change Crowd, Pronoun Mafia, Ukraine, and Hollywood’s Elite. The humble singer has turned away multiple offers to cash in on his overnight fame, choosing to retain his principles and continue living a quiet, simple life out of the spotlight.
TwitterX In 2022 Elon Musk bought Twitter. In April 2023 the social media juggernaut was renamed “X”. In general I have supported the decisions Musk has made for the site, but this was just a dumb rebranding. I don’t really care at this point because my page got hacked and I can’t get it back, despite multiple efforts to do so.
Tucker Carlson & Don Lemon In April 2023 both controversial newsmen were fired…Carlson from Fox News, Lemon from CNN. Carlson seems quite content doing his own thing, unconstrained by corporate BS. Lemon will undoubtedly pop up somewhere in the future and be just as much of a tool.
Hollywood Strikes This past summer both the Screen Actors Guild & Writers Guild of America went on strike for several months. It didn’t affect my life all that much to be honest, except for a few movies & TV shows I like having delays in production.
The Debt Ceiling This again?? It seems like an annual battle between Congress & The White House, no matter which political party controls those entities. Perhaps if we’d stop sending billions of dollars overseas and take care of our own problems it wouldn’t be as much of an issue.
Cocaine At The White House This past summer the Secret Service found a small bag of nose candy in the White House. Normally this would be a big deal, but when it comes to the Biden Administration the status quo of “move along…nothing to see here”, with the news media running cover, means that the mystery was never solved and the story just faded into the ether. There’s no way that blow belonged to the President’s son, a known substance abuser, right?? Of course not.
Will & Jada Chris Rock has quickly bolted, and really, who could blame him. At any rate, what in the blue hell is up with Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith?? I am not a mental health professional, but both seem rather unstable, and their marriage appears to be quite dysfunctional. The less we hear about them in 2024 the happier many of us will be.
and the Sammy goes to…..
AsburyRevival. It’s good to see a positive story once in awhile, and it’s even better when it involves God touching thousands of lives. Our society needs much more revival. The great thing is it’s your personal choice. You can either embrace God moving so mightily in the world, or if God, faith, church, etc. isn’t your thing then you can choose to ignore it.
This feels like a great time to take a break. Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Sammys.
A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..
Apparently a reboot of The Office is happening, and I will tentatively say “I’m in!!”. However, while I think the concept is perfect for a reboot, I do not believe it’d be wise to simply resume with the original cast working at Dunder-Mifflin in Scranton, PA. Most of those actors have moved on to other phases of their career, and within the fictional setting I don’t think any employees would realistically still be working in the same place. It’d make sense for the documentary company that chronicled the daily work life at a paper company to do a sequel, but surely they’d move on to a new business in a whole different industry located in another town. By the way, I’ve had a similar opinion for years about The West Wing…ideal framework for a reboot, just a whole new cast of characters working at The White House. I wouldn’t dare presume success for either “new” show, but if the writing is good & the casting director does a great job then why not give it a whirl??
Ignoramuses who blindly follow leftist ideologies love displaying “Free Palestine” or the Ukraine flag on their social media. The chasm has grown exponentially beyond Democrat vs. Republican or Liberal vs. Conservative. Those petty disagreements seem rather quaint nowadays.
Weird opinion: I do not enjoy Meet & Greets. While it’d be an exaggeration to say that I have social anxiety, I am somewhat socially awkward and simply don’t know what to say to folks in those situations beyond “Hi…nice to meet you”. It’s uncomfortable. I realize “famous” people are human beings who put their pants on one leg at a time like you & me. It’s not a matter of being star struck. Hell, I don’t even know names of most of my neighbors in my apartment building. I’m quiet & somewhat introverted. I keep to myself and am more effective with written communication than verbal interaction. There’s also the fact that meet & greets usually involve pics, and I hate being photographed. I’ve never been buff & sexy, but these days I am absolutely disgusted by my own appearance. Calm down…I’m not going to dive into the whole weight loss rabbit hole right now, but it is an issue. Honestly, I just prefer to sit in my spot, keep to myself, enjoy the show, then head home to bask in my solitude. Your mileage may vary, and that’s okay.
I was taught by my parents to be polite & respectful. Throughout my life I’ve tried to treat people with courtesy. However, sometimes a person just cannot take a hint. They lack the self-awareness to understand when they need to leave or when I simply do not want to be bothered with their foolishness. So I have had to force myself to be quite direct or even rude on occasion. It isn’t my comfort zone, but sometimes it becomes necessary to protect one’s own peace above all else.
Speaking of reboots…
When it was first announced that a Frasier reboot was in the works I was SO excited. A decade agoFrasier was firmly ensconced as one of my favorite TV shows of all time, and that opinion hasn’t changed. To be honest I became a little less excited when none of the original supporting cast signed on for the new show. I knew that Frasier’s brother Dr. Niles Crane would especially be missed, but actor David Hyde Pierce, who so brilliantly brought Niles to life, decided he did not want to reprise the role. In the end my initial enthusiasm trumped those secondary misgivings, and I’ve eagerly consumed the first few episodes. To say that reviews have been mixed is being kind, but I would not be deterred. That being said, I did lower my expectations. However, I’m glad to report that what I have seen so far is satisfactory. It isn’t a perfect show, and its predecessor casts quite the shadow. Comparisons are inevitable but a little unfair for many reasons, not the least of which is we get a ten episode season to digest this incarnation as opposed to two dozen Season 1 episodes for the original. Streaming is still weird for this old dude. Anyway, I like the Frasier reboot and think it has room to evolve into something we can hopefully enjoy for a few years. If you’re a fan of the old show don’t be hesitant to give the new one a chance…just be realistic with hopes & assumptions.
The Manofesto 