The Island of Misfit Blog Posts

The place to find stuff that doesn’t really fit any particular category.

Points of Ponderation…..Episode 2.13

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

As a proud Trekkie and a huge fan of the Star Wars saga I am a bit…ambivalent…about JJ Abrams directing a new Star Wars film. It is my understanding that George Lucas had a 9 part series in his mind originally, so the idea of a new sequel trilogy is not inherently bothersome. However, we don’t have enough data. Is a sequel what is being planned?? If so, and the original stars…Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, & Harrison Ford…are involved in a passing of the torch then it could work. But if the plan is to do a remake or a reboot then I’m not sure I’d be all that interested. Abrams did a nice job trekrebooting Trek, but the way in which it was done was so brilliantly delicate that it simply cannot & should not be repeated. Then of course there is the matter of the Star Wars prequel trilogy that was done a decade ago. While the movies weren’t as bad (especially Episode III) as some cynics accuse them of being they also did not live up to all the hype. I suppose that may provide the benefit of lowered expectations for these sequels, which might not be such a horrible thing. And finally, I think some things should exist in their own space…separate but equal. Ketchup & mayo are both great…but different. Batman, Superman, & Spiderman all kick ass, but inswars different ways. I am not sure how I feel about the same director helming both Star Trek and Star Wars. It just seems odd. As much as I liked The Hobbit movie I still feel like it would have been better if Peter Jackson hadn’t been involved. The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings are vastly different in tone, despite both being written by author JRR Tolkien, and I felt like the movies should reflect that. They do not. Star Trek and Star Wars are both legendary achievements in sci-fi, but they are different. Let’s hope Abrams is able to do both stories justice while keeping them at a proper distance from one another.

 

 

globe-young-driver-flat-cap--blackI am a hat guy. If I’m trying to be stylish I will occasionally wear a fedora, a GungaBWbkporky pie hat, or a flat cap (sometimes referred to as a bunnet). However, more often than not I prefer a good ol’ baseball cap. Even with a ball hat though I am a bit neurotic. I don’t like trucker hats, not only because of the negative redneck connotation but also because I think the mesh looks tacky. I also do not like snapback hats or adjustable hats with a Velcro closure. They look cheap & low class. I prefer a fitted hat whenever possible but because I have a huge head (my Dad says that’s a trait from Mom’s side of the family) oftentimes I have trouble finding the right size. So my second choice is an adjustable cap with a decent looking belted closure, which is far more tasteful than the snapback or Velcro.

 

 

Normally a story involving a sports star like golfer Phil Mickelson would be reserved for an installment of Winning & Musing, but the latest news involving Mickelson doesn’t have anything to do with sports. Recently he publicly lamented in an interview that between his state & federal taxes he’s shelling out about 63% of his income to Uncle Sam and hinted that he may have to move out of California (undoubtedly the worst run & most fiscally irresponsible state in the nation). And then it phil-mickelsonhappened…the drive-by media turned on Phil Mickelson like a viper. Uncle_Sam_Obama-1Because he is perceived as being “rich” it was deemed insensitive of him to complain about only getting to keep 37 cents out of each dollar he earns. My lackadaisical attempt at research tells me that he earned about $48 million in 2012, meaning that he gets to keep a little more than $17 million while paying about $30 million in taxes. Liberal logic would say that $17 million is more than enough for a man to live on, even if he is supporting a wife & three children. But let’s take it down to a level most of us can better wrap our heads around. The median household income in 2012 was about $50k. Imagine if you will that you worked hard and brought in $50,000 only to see $31,500 of it go back out in taxes…and that is before you’ve paid the mortgage & utilities, made any car payments, or eaten. You’d have to do those things on the $18,500 that’s left. Wouldn’t you be pissed?? But Mickelson, because he is “rich” (and has just about the coolest job imaginable) apparently has no right to complain and was shamed into making a public apology. That’s what we’ve come to in America…having to apologize for expressing an honest opinion and for wanting to keep more than 1/3 of our earned income. I find that very sad. Your mileage may vary.

 

Speaking of movies…

There are times when interesting films arrive in the theater right around Christmas and between holiday stuff, work commitments, family time, and bad weather I just don’t make it to see them before the end of the year, which makes them ineligible for a Sammy Award nomination (yes…there are rules). Two 2012 examples were the Billy Crystal/Bette Midler comedy Parental Guidance and Silver Linings Playbook, which is nominated for multiple Oscars including Best Picture, Best Actress, & Best Actor. Actually Playbook was released in November but just showed up in my town this month. That same weekend in November the final installment of that Twilight crapfest was released and we did get that here, but had to wait two months for a critically acclaimed award pgwinning film. The joys of small town life. But I digress. I’d give both movies thumbs up. Parental Guidance is a mildly amusing tale about grandparents, parents, culture clash, & the generation gap. Crystal & Midler gel nicely, and Marisa Tomei is always easy on the eyes. It’s a forgettable story, but there are worse ways to spend two hours. Silver Linings Playbook is about two people who are more than neurotic but less than insane. Actually they are just lonely & depressed and luckily find each other to lean on. Jennifer Silver-Linings-Playbook-1984905Lawrence is this generation’s Meryl Streep. She can do comedy, action, & drama, and can be tough, sexy, funny, & vulnerable…sometimes all in the same scene. That’s talent. And if you only know Bradley Cooper from the Hangover films then you’ll be surprised at how good of an actor he really is. Oh…did I mention that DeNiro is in this movie too?? I think he is actually nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, although I am assuming that is based largely on his reputation as a living legend because this, while a fine performance, doesn’t measure up to his more memorable roles.

 

The following are the 157 guns that Senator Diane Feinstein…a lib from California…has made a proposal to ban:

RIFLES:                    All AK types, including the following: AK, AK47, AK47S, AK–74, AKM, AKS, ARM, MAK90, MISR, NHM90, NHM91, Rock River Arms LAR–47, SA85, SA93, Vector Arms AK–47, VEPR, WASR–10, and WUM, IZHMASH Saiga AK, MAADI AK47 and ARM, Norinco 56S, 56S2, 84S, and 86S, Poly Technologies AK47 and AKS. All AR types, including the following: AR–10, AR–15, Armalite M15 22LR Carbine, Armalite M15–T, Barrett REC7, Beretta AR–70, Bushmaster ACR, Bushmaster Carbon 15, Bushmaster MOE series, Bushmaster XM15, Colt Match Target Rifles, DoubleStar AR rifles, DPMS Tactical Rifles, Heckler & Koch MR556, Olympic Arms, Remington R–15 rifles, Rock River Arms LAR–15, Sig Sauer SIG516 rifles, Smith & Wesson M&P15 Rifles, Stag Arms AR rifles, Sturm, Ruger & Co. SR556 rifles; Barrett M107A1; Barrett M82A1; Beretta CX4 feinsteinStorm; Calico Liberty Series; CETME Sporter; Daewoo K–1, K–2, Max 1, Max 2, AR 100, and AR 110C; Fabrique Nationale/FN Herstal FAL, LAR, 22 FNC, 308 Match, L1A1 Sporter, PS90, SCAR, and FS2000; Feather Industries AT–9; Galil Model AR and Model ARM; Hi-Point Carbine; HK–91, HK–93, HK–94, HK–PSG–1 and HK USC; Kel-Tec Sub–2000, SU–16, and RFB; SIG AMT, SIG PE–57, Sig Sauer SG 550, and Sig Sauer SG 551; Springfield Armory SAR–48; Steyr AUG; Sturm, Ruger Mini-14 Tactical Rife M–14/20CF. All Thompson rifles, including the following: Thompson M1SB, Thompson T1100D, Thompson T150D, Thompson T1B, Thompson T1B100D, Thompson T1B50D, Thompson T1BSB, Thompson T1–C, Thompson T1D, Thompson T1SB, Thompson T5, Thompson T5100D, Thompson TM1, Thompson TM1C; UMAREX UZI Rifle; UZI Mini Carbine, UZI Model A Carbine, and UZI Model B Carbine; Valmet M62S, M71S, and M78; Vector Arms UZI Type; Weaver Arms Nighthawk; Wilkinson Arms Linda Carbine.

PISTOLS:  All AK–47 types, including the following: Centurion 39 AK pistol, Draco AK–47 pistol, GunsHCR AK–47 pistol, IO Inc. Hellpup AK–47 pistol, Krinkov pistol, Mini Draco AK–47 pistol, Yugo Krebs Krink pistol. All AR–15 types, including the following: American Spirit AR–15 pistol, Bushmaster Carbon 15 pistol, DoubleStar Corporation AR pistol, DPMS AR–15 pistol, Olympic Arms AR–15 pistol, Rock River Arms LAR 15 pistol; Calico Liberty pistols; DSA SA58 PKP FAL pistol; Encom MP–9 and MP–45; Heckler & Koch model SP-89 pistol; Intratec AB–10, TEC–22 Scorpion, TEC–9, and TEC–DC9; Kel-Tec PLR 16 pistol.The following MAC types: MAC–10, MAC–11; Masterpiece Arms MPA A930 Mini Pistol, MPA460 Pistol, MPA Tactical Pistol, and MPA Mini Tactical Pistol; Military Armament Corp. Ingram M–11, Velocity Arms VMAC; Sig Sauer P556 pistol; Sites Spectre. All Thompson types, including the following: Thompson TA510D, Thompson TA5. All UZI types, including: Micro-UZI.

SHOTGUNS:            Franchi LAW–12 and SPAS 12. All IZHMASH Saiga 12 types, including the following: IZHMASH Saiga 12, IZHMASH Saiga 12S, IZHMASH Saiga 12S EXP–01, IZHMASH Saiga 12K, IZHMASH Saiga 12K–030, IZHMASH Saiga 12K–040 Taktika; Streetsweeper; Striker 12.

BELT-FED FIREARMS:             All belt-fed semiautomatic firearms including TNW M2HB.

Now I am far from a firearms expert. As a matter of fact I do not currently own a gun although that may change in the near future. However, I am smart enough to recognize the terms pistol & shotgun and figure out (as if I didn’t already know) that the Democrats in Congress and the “gentleman” in the White House are willing & prepared to use the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary to spit all over The Constitution and take a major step toward a complete gun ban in America. I feel sorry for anyone who has been under the delusion that it can’t happen here. It can and it is. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.

 

I did not watch one single second of President Obama’s second immaculation, but apparently the big controversy is that alleged singer Beyonce lip synched the national anthem. Look, I’m not stupid…I know lip synching isn’t unusual these days. It is likely that a vast majority of what one sees at the average rock concert nowadays is phony. It’s not about the singing anymore it’s about the beyonce-sexy-1show…the lights, the pyro, the choreography. But I am kind of old-fashioned when it comes to the anthem. Being chosen to perform at a Presidential inauguration is an honor no matter what kind of jackass the person being inaugurated might be. It’s a ceremony full of tradition & class. Is it too much to ask that our national anthem be treated with some level of reverence & admiration?? For God’s sake Beyonce…you’re singing The Star Spangled Banner at the U.S. Capitol in front of the leader of the free world and a virtual who’s who of national statesmen, not performing Put A Ring On It at the MTV Awards. Have some respect.

 

 

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Points of Ponderation…..Episode 1.13

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

I had originally planned to do an entire piece about the on-again gun control debate, but I honestly just don’t have the stomach for it at the present time. Between liberals who are hellbent & determined to spit all over The Constitution & do whatever it takes to take away the freedoms that our Founding Fathers deemed so important that they specifically enumerated them in the Bill of 2ndRights, and sanctimonious Christians who take passivity to a whole new level because their idea of Jesus is some sort of easygoing, “It’s all good. Just chill out & let it go dude”, submissive milquetoast who wouldn’t want us to stand up for what’s right…well, I’m just kind of exasperated by the whole thing. I had mentioned in the State of The Manofesto that I had decided to pretty much steer clear of sociopolitical debates at the moment, but I was going to make an exception on this very important topic. Not now. I think it is best for my mental & emotional buddyjesuswell-being if I just keep my opinions to myself, which kind of sucks since the charm of…dare I say the whole point of…writing a blog is to express one’s opinions, and when I feel restricted in my ability and/or desire to do that it kind of paints me into a corner.

 

 

MTV’s new show Buckwild has been a big topic of conversation here in West Virginia. It is generally not my protocol to condemn something without giving it a fair chance, but in this case I have no intention of ever watching the show. First of all, MTV wasn’t even my thing when MTV was cool & popular, and since now it has strayed completely away from its original purpose & openly caters to wvthe lowest common denominator it definitely isn’t worthy of my time & attention. Secondly, Buckwild has been compared to Jersey Shore, which is kind of like trying to get someone to taste your cooking by comparing it to vomit. No thank you. And finally, you must understand that I am born & bred in West Virginia. I am well aware of the positives & negatives of my home state. I choose to concentrate on the positive and try my best to ignore the negative whenever possible, but unfortunately pop culture rarely utilizes that tactic. West Virginia is usually the butt of the joke. We are portrayed as a bunch of illiterate hillbillies who do nothing but drink, smoke, party, listen to country music, go to the bathroom in an outhouse, and sleep with our relatives. I won’t deny that there is an element of our population that ratifies such stereotypes, but most of the folks I know are somewhat educated, dress well, drive decent cars, have jobs, speak clearly, and frown on inbreeding. That is my West Virginia, and so I will not give credence to a “reality” show that once again allows us to be a punchline. Your mileage may vary.

 

 

So the Oscar nominations have been announced. Of the 9 nominees for Best Picture I have seen only Lincoln, which is a very good film. I have a level of interest ranging from mild to moderate in seeing atleast 5 of the others but likely will not catch them until they are available on PPV or video-on-demand. It has always struck me as odd that apparently no great films are released for about the first nine months of the year in the eyes of The Academy. I realize it is kind of a “Which came the_dark_knight_rises_2012-t1first…the chicken or the egg??” kind of thing. Studios now just kind of follow the “rules”. They release their big budget action flicks & sequels in the summertime, and wait until late fall to unleash the more cerebral “Oscar worthy” films. But when did those rules come into play?? Who came up with them & why?? As tongue-in-cheek as The Sammy Awards may seem because of the way I present them thru the prism of my quirky sense of humor, I take them seriously to a certain extent and meant it when I said that The Dark Knight Rises is a true epic. I also said that it is “too good to overlook”, but apparently The Academy doesn’t share my tastes. It is disqualified from being considered “artistic” because it’s about a comic book character and was in theaters during the summer. That’s a load of poppycock in my humble opinion.

 

 

I have commented in the past about how much I enjoy the occasional haircut. Besides being a rather sensuous experience it also can provide an opportunity for a bit of innocent flirtation, a skill I like to practice whenever possible (although since I am 40 & single I’m obviously doing it wrong). However, I seem to have inadvertently developed the wrong ability. Now even though I am openly non-PC it is also never my intention to be mean-spirited or offensive, so that is not my goal here, but I must be honest. On atleast three occasions in the past several months…at different hair salons…I have eagerly anticipated some social interaction & meager physical contact with a lovely young lady only to be Hair Cutting Scissorswaited on by the one stylist that isn’t going to do anything other than provide (hopefully) a decent haircut. Yes, I am talking about the one male employee in the place…and he usually isn’t batting on my team if you catch my drift. Let me be perfectly clear…that person’s orientation is their own personal choice and has nothing to do with anything except the fact that it really kind of defeats part of my purpose. If I wanted a dude to cut my hair I’d go down the street to Joe Bob’s Barber Shop and get a fine haircut, as well as some stimulating conversation about sports & politics. When I choose the more…feminine…shop at the local mall or shopping plaza my intent has a broader purpose, and when I get stuck with a guy with frosted blonde hair who loves musicals & thinks Channing Tatum is OMG HOT it seemingly confirms my belief that God has a sense of humor and is really messing with me. Plus I end up with gel in my hair and look like a cross between Nathan Lane & the crippled kid on Glee. Yes I actually did watch that show once. It was horrifying, as if Saved by the Bell and Cop Rock had somehow crossbred and produced the worst TV show of all time.

 

 

Long time West Virginia U.S. Senator Jay Rockefeller has announced that he will not seek a 6th term in 2014. I know this will cause a lot of sleepless nights, upset stomachs, & nervous tics throughout my home state, but personally I am glad. I have never understood West Virginia’s love affair with rockyobama1Rockefeller, a wealthy carpet bagger who has simply used our state as a tool in his quest for power. It is a strange dichotomy that, in a state where most people detest “the rich” and can’t stand anyone who has more than they do (which is pretty much the entire rest of the country besides Mississippi and maybe Kentucky), a significant majority of people here have spent the past four decades voting for a man (first for Governor then for Senator) who is the very definition of an affluent, out-of-touch trust fund baby born with a silver spoon in his mouth that has never had to actually work a day in his life and cannot possibly have the slightest clue about the kinds of issues that most of his constituents face on a daily basis. Of course that description could fit almost the entirety of both chambers of Congress nowadays.

 

 

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The State of The Manofesto 2013

As a new year dawns it is once again time to take stock of things here at The Manofesto and make some plans for the future, or atleast the next several months.

 

2012 was a good year. I achieved some internal goals in relation to the site, and even more importantly I have found that I have an increasing hunger to write. Sometimes I’ll be at church or out running errands and just can’t wait to get home to write. That’s not to say that I Still-Life-With-Inkwell,-Quill-And-Bookscouldn’t be more productive or don’t endure funky little lulls where the words just aren’t coming to me, but I have found that those moods have evened out a bit more and inspiration flows more steadily now, rather than seizing me like some sort of fit of insanity only to be followed by weeks or months of malaise. I am fortunate enough to have a job where oftentimes I have time to write, which is a fringe benefit I am in a unique position to appreciate.

 

I have been pleased with several of the things we’ve gotten done here in the past year, but better things are on the horizon.

 

football-introducing-the-science_1The Pigskin Picks of Profundity were a lot of fun to do, even if my career in the prognostication arts won’t ever make anyone in Vegas quake in their boots. In the classic sports film Tin Cup Costner’s characters says that “sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them”, but I would argue that picking football games could legitimately be thrown into that mix as well. Next season the tentative plan is for my eldest nephew Zach to join me in a slightly altered, Siskel & Ebert-esque version of the PPP’s. I have no doubt he’ll smoke me like a Virginia country ham. We’ll also get back on track with the Winning & Musing feature, which has sort of been put on the backburner during football season because this site is supposed to be an eclectic cornucopia of ponderation and not specifically sports-centric.

 

Thinking_ManIn the “everything old is new again” department I have decided to bring back two old favorites. A couple of years ago I discontinued Random Thoughts, choosing to exclusively utilize Twitter for pithy contemplations of life. However, I have found that sometimes 140 characters just doesn’t cut it. There are times when I have something more to say, yet not enough to warrant a standalone entry. So I think what I would like to do is have a regular feature where I pontificate on various minutiae. The details are not concrete at the moment, but I’ll work it out soon. Do I have enough discipline to commit to a consistently scheduled column?? A year ago I would have leaned toward “no”, but I kept up with the football picks pretty good so I think I can expand upon that. Secondly, a feature that I quickly canned when I brought The Manofesto to WordPress from MySpace a few years ago was the Person of the Month. Again, at the time I just didn’t have the focus to maintain such an obligation, but I am confident it won’t be a problem now. It is likely that we’ll actually do two persons of the month…a good & a bad, or in pro wrestling parlance a face & a heel. I’ll have it all figured out by the end of January.

 

Back in November the Presidential election really kicked me in the gut. I was quite despondent for a few days and pretty much ready to throw in the towel. I’ll even admit that my faith in God was shaken. We all know that the Jews…aka Israel…are God’s chosen people, but let’s face it…we Americans have always fancied ourselves His special silver medalists. After the events of November 6, 2012 I am not so sure that is the case anymore. While I still believe that each of us can have a relationship with Him on an individual basis if we so choose, it is clear to me that God has lost His patience with our nation and has decided that if we want to head down the wrong path then far be it for Him to stop our descent.cross-and-flag And really, who can blame Him?? The United States began to marginalize God and push Him out of various aspects of life a half century ago, so we deserve everything we get. But, though The Great Experiment may have finally crashed & burned, life goes on and we just have to re-adjust our focus and pick & choose our battles. That being said, don’t expect to see much of anything political here for the time being. I have been refraining from posting political stuff on Facebook & Twitter as much as possible and don’t really have any desire to write about such things here. I had already backed off a bit for most of 2012, but now I think a wise strategy is wholesale retreat. I still retain my beliefs, but am well aware that I am a combustible engine in a hybrid world. If the majority of the country wants to engage in class warfare, yield to economic mediocrity, embrace “alternative” (i.e. abhorrent) lifestyles, sacrifice traditional values & American exceptionalism, and spend their lives with their hands out expecting Big Government to hold them gently & whisper softly in their collective ear that everything is going to be just fine then hey, who am I to argue?? I’ll still get up every day, go to work, enjoy my life as much as possible, and write thought-provoking pieces at The Manofesto…..just not about sociopolitical topics.

 

Speaking of God…

I did make my triumphant return to church last spring after a one year absence. I have embraced it as the social gathering that it has become and enjoy it on that level. If some spiritual enlightening trickles down in the process it is a lovely but unexpected bonus. The duty of developing a relationship with Jesus Christ is on me, not a bunch of very nice people who nevertheless pretend to be something A Bible studythey aren’t for a couple of hours every Sunday morning. As a matter of fact, I need to stop being one of those lukewarm dabblers myself. Having said that, I am fully aware that a year ago I stated that I was going to begin a Bible study here at The Manofesto and have not followed thru. I have been on the cusp of a breakthrough with that particular task on multiple occasions but for some reason the inspiration never fully materializes. I think the idea is of sufficient significance that it is worth waiting on God’s green light and not forcing the issue, but my intention is to get the ball rolling in 2013. We will also continue with both the Sermon on the Mount & Fruits of the Spirit series, both of which I have neglected.

 

The other primary focus here in 2013 will likely be The Bookshelf. My apartment is filled with books that I have either never read, half read, or would need to read again in order to intelligently express an opinion here because it has been far too long since I originally read them. Right now the plan is to concentrate on three authors: Shakespeare, Twain, and Dickens, all of whom I enjoy immensely. Since I genuinely believe that Shakespeare is best experienced in a live performance rather than in a william-shakespearebook, and since I live in a town whose idea of comedy is Honey 353L12408_6M43ZBoo-Boo and tragedy is when the last pack of cigarettes in a carton is gone, my plan is to find the best possible performance of each play on video and watch it in conjunction with reading the play. As with all of my other long term projects I may not finish until I am old, grey, & arthritic, but I’ll get there eventually. In addition to those three authors I am sure there will be a smattering of others…a little Bradbury, maybe some Steinbeck, and possibly even some Faulkner, Heinlein, or more Stephen King. I have some biographies & non-fiction books that might be worth writing about too. I am also going to dive into James Bond. I must admit that I have never watched a single one of the nearly 2 dozen Bond films, but not long ago I ran across a set of the original Ian Fleming books on eBay for a terrific price and snapped them up. I think they’ll be a nice little diversion from the tedium of the daily grind.

 

cropped-eaglecleanlogo.gifAs always these plans are subject to change, but I am pretty comfortable with the blueprint I have in my head. I would really love to see The Manoverse experience some significant growth this year and know that the first order of business in meeting those expectations is to provide a reason for people to want to come here to spend a few minutes of their browsing time each day. Folks are busy…jobs, kids, social obligations, etc. But I know that most people spend atleast a little while online on a daily basis decompressing from the pressure cooker, and I would love it if The Manofesto became a favorite destination for anyone looking to chill out & maybe learn something interesting at the same time.

 

 

 

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The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 4: The Final Crusade of the Temple of the Lost Skull

Resin-Trophies-1348257350204After a brief delay we are pleased to welcome you to the thrilling conclusion of the 2012 Sammy Awards. If you have not yet done so please check out Part1, Part 2, and Part 3 before proceeding.

 

 

To present our next award The Manofesto is happy to bring together the cast of The Hangover The-Hangover_Justin-Bartha_tux.bmp1_Trilogy (The Hangover Part III will be coming to your local Cineplex this May). Please welcome Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifinakis, Ed Helms, & Justin Bartha. And the nominees are:

 

 

Best Movie

 

Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln…the 16th President of the United States for those of you in the southern reaches of Appalachia who’ve never been out of the holler but do inexplicably read The Manofesto…is generally considered by both Democrats & Republicans as one of our greatest leaders. It’s one of the few things both sides of the aisle can agree on these days. He was martyred, ended slavery, had that whole Civil War thing…what’s not to love?? This particular offering from Steven Spielberg is a modest, solicitous look at the last few months of President Lincoln’s life when his steadfast focus was on passage of the 13th Amendment, which outlawed slavery. I have more than a passing interest in politics (although I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a political junkie) so I didn’t have any issues following the tale, but it is unlikely that this is a film that will appeal to everyone. So be it. Daniel Day-Lewis is remarkable in the titular role and should have another Oscar nomination coming his way soon. Sally Field & Tommy Lee Jones are as solid as we’ve come to expect them to be in whatever they are in, and I have to give kudos to known leftist Spielberg for not inserting any kind of offensive bias into the proceedings. Lincoln is what I describe as a quiet film, meaning that it isn’t abounding in special effects, gunfire, explosions, & violence. There is a story, there is dialogue, and there is good acting. It is simplicity at its best. Most chefs will tell you that a fine cut of meat is usually flavorful enough to be enjoyed on its own, without being bathed in sauces or marinades. The same goes for movies. I have a robust predilection for quiet movies. Your mileage may vary.

 

Rise of the Guardians

I used to think that animated films were for strictly for children and the parents that felt obliged to take their crumb crunchers to see them. However, in the past several years, with movies like the Toy Story trilogy, The Polar Express, and the Shrek series my opinion has evolved, and so I was excited to see this story about Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Sandman, and The Tooth Fairy recruiting Jack Frost to help them save the world from The Boogeyman. I’m not sure why Alec Baldwin uses an eastern European accent for Santa, but strangely enough it works. Santa also has tattoos, which is weird. Anyway, the story basically takes some of our beloved childhood fairy tale characters and turns them into ass kickin’ superheroes, a premise that I’d normally crap all over. However, like Santa’s strange accent, I mysteriously didn’t hate the idea. There is some subtle commentary about childhood, dreams, fear, and feeling invisible, but that is something that is probably only noticeable to geeks like me. For the target audience this is just a rollicking good time and there isn’t a thing wrong with that.

 

Joyful Noise

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to sing hymns in church rather than Michael Jackson or Wings cover tunes. That unfashionable attitude initially made me resistant to this story about a small town church choir trying to win a big time “gospel” music competition. You see, all of my life I have attended the same country church that I grew up just down the road from, and that has understandably framed my outlook on what a church should be. But eventually I decided to give this one a whirl, and I was satisfied with the outcome. Dolly Parton has starred in a few solidly entertaining films over the years, from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas to Steel Magnolias to 9 to 5, and she does her thing here acceptably well. Queen Latifah has never really frosted my cupcake, but I suppose she’s alright. The body count is a little too high for a romantic dramedy, which weirded me out just a bit. I really liked the other two leads…a luminescent Keke Palmer as Latifah’s daughter & newcomer Jeremy Jordan as Parton’s grandson. The music is cool even if it’s not really church music. Joyful Noise isn’t going to win any awards, but even a flawed film can be entertaining.

 

The Dark Knight Rises

I have not been a big fan of director Christopher Nolan’s vision for Batman. It’s too gritty & lifelike for my entertainment palate. Batman is a comic book creation so I prefer a film that reflects that. Tim Burton’s Batman movies, in my humble opinion, struck the right balance between the dark tone of the comics and the expectations we have of a superhero movie. The first movie in this trilogy was a decent enough origin story while the second was dominated by Heath Ledger’s manic portrayal of The Joker and the effusive praise that performance received in the wake of the young actor’s untimely demise. In this case though the third time is the charm, and I have to give Nolan & company credit for getting it done right and in style. This is the very definition of epic, with a complex storyline, interesting characters, intriguing plot twists, and just enough action to keep things moving. Michael Caine is exquisite as Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred, and Gary Oldman is a strong, resolute Commissioner Gordon. Michael Keaton & Adam West are still my favorite Caped Crusaders and Christian Bale does nothing to alter that perspective here, but like a pedestrian quarterback on a team with a great defense Bale doesn’t have to singlehandedly win the game…his duty is simply to not screw it up. Bane is far from the most memorable villain in Gotham City’s rogue’s gallery, but I understand why he was chosen for this particular story. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts here, and it all comes together in a thrilling conclusion that crescendos nicely. I assume someone else will come along down the road, reboot the whole thing, and take it in a completely different direction, but Nolan lays the groundwork for what could be a captivating continuation or a slight detour with Nightwing as the central figure.

 

The Hunger Games

I really liked the Hunger Games trilogy of books, but I mentioned in my review of them that “I am looking forward to the movies because I believe they were the intended end game all along. I have a feeling that the Hunger Games movies will surpass the books’ achievements.” After seeing the first movie I am ready to backtrack on that statement ever so slightly. As most citizens of The Manoverse know, it is my belief that the book is almost always better than the movie, and in hindsight I think I was shortchanging these books. That being said this is still a fine movie. The powers-that-be nailed it when they chose Jennifer Lawrence to portray heroine Katniss Everdeen, and I really liked Woody Harrelson as deeper-than-you think drunkard Haymitch Abernathy. The movie follows the book pretty closely and there are very few significant alterations or omissions. Some of the choices the director made were interesting. This could have been a typical balls-to-the-wall action flick, but the filmmakers show an incredible amount of restraint, choosing gritty minimalism over CGI excess, which is admirable. I didn’t love some of the shaky, documentary style camera work, but that annoyance seems to dissipate as the story picks up steam. Overall the movie leaves a good impression. Whether or not it is a lasting one remains to be seen.

 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I absolutely love JRR Tolkien’s classic book The Hobbit, a prequel to the more acclaimed Lord of the Rings trilogy. It is one of my favorites, which is why I was simultaneously thrilled & apprehensive about it getting the big screen treatment. My concern increased when the auteur of the Rings trilogy of movies, Peter Jackson, decided that he’d direct The Hobbit as well and make another trilogy. You see, whereas Lord of the Rings really is three books therefore making three movies a logical choice, taking one book like The Hobbit and making it into three films seems more than excessive. In addition, tonally The Hobbit is vastly different than Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit is lighthearted, whimsical, and…accessible. Lord of the Rings is darker & quite the marathon. This is a movie that would have benefitted tremendously from a different perspective. However, there’s no use crying over spilt milk and at the end of the day what we ended up with is pretty darn good. Martin Freeman is the perfect choice to portray Bilbo Baggins, and anyone who liked the Rings movies should like The Hobbit.

 

Dark Shadows

Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows aired in the late 60’s before I was even a gleam in my father’s eye, so I came into this experience with no expectations and no preconceived notions. I’m a sucker for funny “fish out of water” stories, so I appreciated the humorous idea of an 18th century vampire being revived in the 1970’s. Johnny Depp is clearly having fun playing the role and it is all quite campy. I suppose this would be classified as a dark comedy, although my own personal preference would have been for the comedic aspect to be ramped up just a bit.

 

 

Trouble with the Curve

It’s been quite the year for Clint Eastwood. Everyone was talking about his appearance…one way or the other…at the Republican National Convention. He was in a Super Bowl commercial that stirred the pot a bit. He’s hosting the 2012 Sammy Awards. And he also found the time to star in a movie since that is primarily what he is known for. Curve is an inconspicuous little baseball flick about an aging scout who eschews modern technology & that new fandangled sabermetrics stuff in favor of good old-fashioned instinct & legwork. The suits in charge of the ball club are starting to question whether or not Gus (the name given to most old codgers in movies) still has the knack, and his job is on the line in evaluating a power hitting outfielder who might be the next big thing. There is some family melodrama too in the form of Gus’s daughter, a hotshot attorney whose relationship with her father is strained for no particular reason. When she discovers that Gus’s job is in jeopardy and that he is suffering from macular degeneration she puts her own career on hold to go on the road with the old man. Oh yeah…there is some romance thrown into the mix too when a young scout played by Justin Timberlake pursues the daughter. Eastwood is the go-to guy for crusty curmudgeon roles and there is a good reason for that…he’s great at doing them. Timberlake has become one of my favorite supporting actors and Amy Adams as the daughter is tough yet vulnerable, sweet but also benignly sexy. Is Trouble with the Curve a great movie?? Ehhh…probably not. But it’s not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

 

Friends With Kids

You might have missed this one. If so it’s worth a rental. The story centers around two single 30-somethings who have witnessed their other friends get married, have children, and become absolutely miserable. Their solution?? Make a baby without all the relationship drama. They do just that, and even though all their married pals predict utter disaster the twosome defies the odds and their lives move along smoothly & happily…for awhile. Of course we see where this is headed because we’ve seen it before. But even though there is never any doubt about how the story ends the journey in getting there is fun & interesting. There are no big stars here, just good writing and an unblinking confrontation with the realities of marriage, kids, and the inherent despair those things oftentimes seem to create in modern America.

 

Hope Springs

If I am a Hollywood suit and someone pitches me an idea that’ll star Tommy Lee Jones & Meryl Streep there is a good chance I’d give the green light based solely on the casting. The legendary duo play Kay & Arnold, an aging married couple who have settled into a boring routine that makes my life look like an episode of 24. They even sleep in separate rooms. Kay enrolls them in a weeklong intensive marriage counseling course in Maine. Arnold thinks their life is just dandy and does not want to go, but eventually he acquiesces, proving that there is an old softy who does actually love his wife buried deep inside all those layers of stolid granite. Playing the couple’s therapist is funnyman Steve Carell, who employs a soft monotone straight out of that old SNL NPR parody The Delicious Dish. That works great here because it leaves Streep & Jones in the spotlight to do that thing they do. The doctor’s prescribed solution to their problem is for them to have sex, which seems a bit simplistic to me, but what do I know?? Needless to say the couple eventually works thru whatever the issues are and reconnect so that we get our happy ending. This is one of those stories that might have been a complete snoozefest without the right cast, but in the hands of craftsmen like Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones it becomes a thought-provoking look into the tedium of marriage. I am probably not the target audience for this film, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

 

This Is Forty

You may recall the 2007 rom-com Knocked Up in which slovenly funnyman Seth Rogen hooks up with the beautiful (and she knows it) Katherine Heigl. In that film Leslie Mann & Paul Rudd play Debbie & Pete, the sister & brother-in-law of Heigl’s character. This is a spinoff in which Debbie & Pete take center stage as a constantly bickering couple dealing with job pressures, financial problems, bratty kids, and latent Daddy issues. I love Paul Rudd. He steals just about every movie he is in and I am glad to see him given the opportunity to carry a film (although admittedly that didn’t work out so well in 2009’s I Love You, Man). I also dig writer/director/producer Judd Apatow, who is curiously morphing into this generation’s John Hughes right before our very eyes. I am not married nor do I have children but, even though I am sure most couples don’t fight constantly like this pair, I am just as sure that there are some truths in the story that lots of folks will recognize and smile knowingly. Kudos must be given to Albert Brooks, an underrated comic gem whose presence here as Rudd’s father adds a much needed respite from the bickering. This film is superior to its predecessor, although it is an unfair comparison on many levels.

 

 

People Like Us

Chris Pine has the potential to become one of my favorite actors. He achieved the impossible in 2009…took over the role of Captain James Tiberius Kirk from William Shatner in a Star Trek reboot that not even noted Trekkie & cantankerous critic of pop culture The Owl could bring himself to dislike. I’ve seen him in a few other TV shows & movies, but he is just now becoming a star. In this interesting character study Pine plays a down-on-his-luck corporate barterer (whatever that is) named Sam whose estranged father dies. Upon going home for the funeral Sam is given a wad of cash ($150K) to deliver to a person he’s never heard of. Since he really really really needs the money and his father left him absolutely nothing he is tempted to just skip town and not find the mysterious person to whom dear old Dad bequeathed such an inheritance, but curiosity gets the better of him. I don’t think it’s a major spoiler to reveal that the person in question ends up being Sam’s sister, a single mother who is struggling even worse than he is. He doesn’t come straight out & tell her who he is for various reasons, but they form a bond and he also gets to know his nephew. There’s no action, no gun battles, no car chases. This is another quiet movie…a story about people, relationships, motivation, secrets, and lies. It is well written and the performances by Pine, Elizabeth Banks, and Michelle Pfeiffer (who is apparently eligible to play hot grandmas now) are understatedly pleasant. It’s not going to win any critical acclaim, but I liked it and in The Manoverse that’s all that matters.

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

 

 

The Dark Knight Rises. I may not have cared for the first two films in Nolan’s Batman trilogy, but the final installment is too good to overlook. To compare this movie to your typical 21st century action flick (Transformers, Fast & Furious, anything starring Tom Cruise or Will Smith) is like comparing foie gras to Vienna sausages. Batman here is akin to the shark in Jaws in that we really don’t see all that much of him (we see much more of Bruce Wayne), but that minimalist approach is utilized to great effect. The story starts out a little slow before building to a stirring climax, which I dark_knight_logorealize may not be cool with a lot of modern viewers. So many movies offer balls-to-the-wall action from the opening credits to the final scene that it has become what people are used to and what they expect. This is a movie that takes time to tell a story, to offer a plot with layers and intricate context, to develop characters and relationships…all things that I wholeheartedly embrace. The fight scene between Batman & Bane that so many fans of the comics have been salivating about in anticipation plays out differently than what one might expect. It is raw & physical, not some elaborate effects laden dance sequence. Three plot twists at the end…Bruce Wayne’s fate, the identity of the real villain behind all the mayhem, and the reveal of the possible future of the franchise…are well done and probably clinched this award. The ending of a movie is always important, and the last 15 minutes or so of this one is sensational.

 

 

To present the final award of the evening it is truly a privilege to bring to The Manoverse the 43rd6a00d8341c630a53ef0133ed0512cc970b-600wi (111x237) President of the United States and his lovely First Lady. Please give a rousing ovation to George W. & Laura Bush. And the nominees are:

 

 

 

Biggest News Story

 

Presidential Election

On November 6, 2012 we elected a President of the United States. You may have heard a thing or two about it. From the hotly contested yet kind of boring Republican primary season thru the national conventions in the summer to the general election process this was a story that dominated headlines pretty much on a daily basis.

 

Trayvon Martin Shooting

Back in February 17 year old Martin was shot & killed while visiting a gated community near Orlando, FL. The gunman was a young man named George Zimmerman who was part of the community’s neighborhood watch program. Zimmerman claims that Martin looked suspicious and that after he had contacted law enforcement the teenager attacked him which is why he shot him in self-defense. The fact that Martin was a young black man stirred the pot and took the story from just another shooting to a national firestorm. Was Martin an innocent teenager in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was he a juvenile delinquent who was out to cause trouble?? Is Mr. Zimmerman a dirty racist murderer or just an overzealous cop wannabe who became cornered by a thug and did what he had to do to protect himself?? We might not ever know the real story, but we’ll hear about all this again when Martin goes on trial this coming summer.

 

Unemployment

The unemployment rate was right around 7.5% when President Obama took office four years ago. At the beginning of 2012 it was up over 8%. This is in comparison to the 4.5-5% rate for the majority of the George W. Bush years. And we don’t even know if the number is accurate because there are so many people that have just completely given up looking for a job. One must also take into consideration how many people are employed but making a paltry wage in the $7-9/hr. range, which is certainly not enough to properly take care of a family or achieve any goals other than the next meal. It doesn’t seem to matter to a lot of folks these days though because Big Government will take care of them, which of course makes a lot of the politicians happy because it’ll keep them in power. Oh what a tangled web we weave.

 

The Death of Whitney Houston

On February 11 the world was saddened (although not shocked) to learn of the untimely passing of pop superstar Whitney Houston, who was found dead in a bathtub at a Beverly Hills hotel. I loved Whitney Houston when I was 14 years old. She was one of my first celebrity crushes. She was gorgeous & had a set of pipes that would melt even the iciest of hearts. Unfortunately she got hooked up with that jackass Bobby Brown and the two of them became just another clichéd Hollywood joke. Like so many people in modern America Houston became addicted to drugs, and apparently despite public proclamations to the contrary she never completely defeated those demons. How very tragic.

 

Supreme Court’s Mixed Ruling on Arizona Immigration Law

Controversy has been brewing in Arizona for a couple of years due to the passage there of a law designed to limit illegal immigration. Without delving into boring details let’s just say that the law imposed tough restrictions, requirements, & penalties on illegal immigrants. Almost immediately there were accusations from liberals that the law was nothing more than racial profiling and that it was unconstitutional. Queue The Supreme Court, who ruled this past June that the part of the law in which law enforcement can check on the immigration status of a detainee if they deem it necessary is okay, but struck down a large chunk of the law related to requiring individuals having to have documentation of their immigration status with them at all times and allowing police officers to randomly ask people to show such paperwork.

 

Facebook IPO Epic Fail

You have a Facebook page. I have a Facebook page. Most everyone not going to dinner at 4pm and telling troublesome neighborhood youths to get off their damn lawn probably has a Facebook page. That’s why the company going public seemed like such a slam dunk. I actually pondered the idea of pooling some cash with some friends and buying a few shares just for fun. In hindsight I am glad we didn’t go thru with the idea. Back in November Facebook began trading publicly on NASDAQ with much anticipation. The first day was disappointing but still successful. But over the next few weeks the price of the stock fell and Facebook became the stock market equivalent of the movie Gigli or the NFL career of Ryan Leaf. Somehow though I think Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, with his bank account of $9 billion, will weather the storm and not lose any sleep over the debacle.

 

Benghazi

On September 11 the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya was attacked. Four people were killed, including Ambassador Christopher Stevens. Ten others were injured. The Obama Administration tried to blame the attack on an anti-Muslim film that had been posted on YouTube and had been seen by less people than I rode with on an elevator today. Conservatives quickly labeled the Obama response as pure poppycock, and questions began to arise about what really happened, why it happened, what the administration really knew, and why they were so hellbent on lying about it. I believe there are still some Congressional committees looking into the matter, but at this stage it is likely a moot point.

 

The End of Twinkies & Ho-Ho’s

I make no secret of the fact that I am a chocoholic. You want to take pop away from me?? Okay, I can deal. Tell me that alcohol can never touch my lips again and I won’t even bat an eye because I don’t drink anyway. Tell me I have to be celibate for the rest of my life and never again enjoy the touch of a beautiful woman and I might cringe a bit but I’ll be just fine. But threaten to take away my sweets and we’ve got a problem. I love it all…candy, cake, ice cream, cookies. So in November when Hostess announced that it was going out of business and that snacks like Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, Zingers, Ding Dongs, and those little cupcakes with the swirly icing on top…not to mention Wonder Bread…would be disappearing forever from grocery store shelves I kind of felt like I did when I was 9 years old and my pet frog jumped out of his bowl never to be seen again. Thankfully there is a likely reprieve from this death sentence in the works, as various companies are in a bidding war to buy the rights to these products from Hostess. When fair & festival season rolls around next summer we just might still be able to pay $6 for a deep fried Twinkie. God Bless America.

 

Superstorm Sandy

There is almost always one or two big natural disasters to talk about when reflecting upon a just passed year, and in 2012 it was Superstorm Sandy or Hurricane Sandy (I’ve seen it called both) which inflicted mayhem on the eastern seaboard of the country, especially New York & New Jersey, in late October. It is said to be the largest Atlantic hurricane (meaning it formed in the North Atlantic Ocean) on record and the 2nd costliest, doing about $65 billion worth of damage. It also played a key role in the Presidential election, as there were actually idiots out there who made a last minute decision to overlook the past 4 years of misery and vote for Obama because he “looked Presidential” for a day or two in the wake of the disaster, and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie practically made sweet love to the President because he answered a few phone calls and dropped by for a visit for an hour or two. It is my understanding that there are still people in Jersey dealing with the problems caused by the storm, which is a damning indictment of how we use tragedies as political pawns in 21st century America but don’t really do what needs to be done to truly help people over the long haul.

 

Shootings in Aurora, CO & Newtown, CT

We’ve become almost numb to gun violence in America. It’s just something that happens occasionally and we aren’t all that shocked anymore when it does. However, two incidents in 2012 seemed to awaken the masses and spur debates about gun control, mental health issues, and a whole host of ancillary topics. On Friday July 20 a gunman opened fire at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado during a midnight showing of the newest Batman film The Dark Knight Rises. Twelve people were killed and 58 others injured. I go to the movies often myself, and I am a huge Batman fan. As a matter of fact I had seriously pondered the idea of attending the midnight showing at my local theater but ultimately decided against that idea. It is awful to think that something as fun & innocuous…something so American…as going to a movie isn’t even immune from real life violence anymore. Then on December 14…less than two weeks before Christmas…a 20 year old lunatic busted into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut and killed 26 people, 20 of them children ages 6 & 7. We might have become nonchalant about violence in this country, but when innocent kids are senselessly murdered we stop & pay attention. Unfortunately, as tends to happen with these types of tragedies, it was quickly turned into a political football, with leftists and Hollywood hypocrites with no shortage of armed bodyguards resuming their incessant cries for gun control. I understand the logic…I really do. Regrettably however we seem to have lost the ability in this country to have an intelligent & thoughtful debate about important issues. We are a nation of reactionaries on both sides of the political spectrum and at the end of the day everyone loses. I cannot imagine the pain & sorrow the parents of those children have been suffering thru, and I am sure it was the worst Christmas of their entire lives. To me that is what must not get lost in the shuffle here. I pray that God wraps his loving arms around these families and helps them somehow resume their lives and find a way to move forward, although I cannot wrap my head around any scenario in which that’d even be possible.

 

Supreme Court Upholds Obamacare

I am a huge fan of pro wrestling, and in wrestling one of the fun things that happens occasionally is a heel turn. That is when a good guy turns bad by screwing over his tag team partner or suddenly telling the fans that have cheered him that he thinks they are losers and he doesn’t need their support anymore. Chief Justice John Roberts did a heel turn last June when he became the deciding vote in upholding the crime against freedom & economic sanity that is nationalized health care, better known as Obamacare. Roberts was thought to be a conservative, but instead proved himself to be just another political whore when he ruled that it was perfectly okay for the U.S. government to coerce free citizens into purchasing healthcare coverage or else go to prison. Roberts ruled that Obamacare is a tax, even though President Obama himself had spent years saying that it wasn’t. If it is a tax…which I guess it has to be or else it’d be unconstitutional…Obamacare is the largest tax increase in the history of the United States. Good job Roberts…you jackass.

 

The Fiscal Cliff

The last few weeks of 2012 were dominated by incessant discussion of this fiscal cliff. In a nutshell the dawning of a new year was scheduled to bring about spending cuts & tax hikes that would have cut the budget deficit but also would have led to another recession (that is if you believe that we aren’t still in one now anyway) and would have wreaked havoc on the finances of nearly all Americans. There was the typical struggle between Democrats & Republicans…one side with a fervent desire to raise taxes, punish achievement & success, & keep on spending money like drunken sailors on social programs that will keep their handout loving voter base happy, and the other side pledging to not raise taxes & desiring to slash spending like Freddy Krueger on a crack high. Of course this deal couldn’t get done way ahead of time. Where would the drama be in that?? As a matter of fact the deal wasn’t technically done on time but a few hours late. From what I understand the Republicans caved like the Buffalo Bills in a Super Bowl, and the Democrats are proud as peacocks. That’s what happens after an election…to the victor go the spoils. It’s just too bad that you & I will be literally paying for this debacle out of our own paychecks.

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

 

The Election. I certainly didn’t like the results, but there is no denying the fact that for the vast majority of 2012 it was the lead story on a daily basis. I will refrain from going off on one of my infamous political rants. The fact is that my side lost this time and I have to deal with it. I cannot resist the urge though to point out that it is less than a week into the new year and my paycheck has already been affected in a negative way. But of course most of the 51% responsible for the debacle that occurred on that fateful Tuesday in November wouldn’t know anything about that since they are unemployed and/or sitting around smoking their cigarettes, drinking their cheap beer, watching those idiotic Kardashian twits whore it up on TV.

 

 

 

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astronauts Neil Armstrong & Sally Ride…entertainment icon Dick Clark… Pulitzer, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Golden Globe, and Tony award winning composer & conductor Marvin Hamlisch…authors Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451, The Martian Chronicles), Maurice Sendak (Where the Wild Things Are), Gore Vidal, and Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)…singers Whitney Houston, Andy Williams, Etta James, Levon Helm, Donna Summer, Kitty Wells, and Robin Gibb (The Bee Gees)… General Norman Schwarzkopf…comedienne Phyllis Diller…baseball Hall of Famer Gary Carter…actresses Kathryn Joosten (The West Wing, Desperate Housewives), Deborah Raffin (7th Heaven), and Celeste Holm (Gentleman’s Agreement, All About Eve)…retired NFL stars Junior Seau, Freddie Solomon, Blair Kiel, Alex Karras, and Ben Davidson…Atari & Commodore CEO Jack Tramiel…Soul Train impresario Don Cornelius…disgraced football coach Joe Paterno…hairstylist Vidal Sassoon…infamous police punching bag Rodney King…Boston Red Sox legend Johnny Pesky…automobile designer Carroll Shelby…amplification specialist Jim Marshall…political pundits Tony Blankley and Andrew Breitbart…legendary collegiate coaches Gene Bartow (basketball), Darrell Royal (football), and Rick Majerus (basketball)…game show hosts Richard Dawson (Family Feud) and Bill Raftery (Card Sharks)…director Tony Scott (Top Gun, Crimson Tide, Days of Thunder)…sports commentators Jim Huber and Beano Cook…former U.S. Senators Arlen Specter & Warren Rudman, former Governor George McGovern, and Hawaii Senator Daniel Inouye…former WV Mountaineer football coach Bill Stewart…Unification Church founder Rev. Sun Myung Moon…screenwriter/director Nora Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally)…motivational speaker Zig Ziglar…songwriter Hal David (Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head, What the World Needs Now Is Love, I Say a Little Prayer)…former Cleveland Browns owner Art Modell…journalists Mike Wallace (60 Minutes) and Helen Gurley Brown (Cosmopolitan)…artists Leroy Neiman and ”Painter of Light” Thomas Kinkade…pro wrestling legend Chief Jay Strongbow…baseball executive Lee McPhail…fashion designer Nolan Miller…former Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork…musicians Earl Scruggs, Ronnie Montrose, Davy Jones, Dave Brubeck, and Donald “Duck” Dunn…boxing historian Bert Sugar…former Patriots/Giants/Jets coach Ron Erhardt…impressionist Steve Bridges…former MLB union leader Marvin Miller…infamous mobster Henry Hill (the inspiration for Goodfellas)…retired pro wrestlers Doug Furnas, Mike Graham, Bobby Jaggers, Buddy Roberts, & Brad Armstrong…NFL Films guru Steve Sabol…former White House counsel Charles Colson…retired boxer Hector “Macho” Camacho”…actors Andy Griffith, Larry Hagman (Dallas, I Dream of Jeannie), Jack Klugman (Quincy, The Odd Couple), Ernest Borgnine (McHale’s Navy, The Poseidon Adventure), Ben Gazzara, Ron Palillo (Welcome Back Kotter), William Windom (To Kill A Mockingbird, Planes, Trains, & Automobiles), George Lindsey (Goober from The Andy Griffith Show), James Farentino (Dynasty), Sherman Hemsley (The Jeffersons), Chad Everett, Herbert Lom (The Pink Panther series), Sage Stallone (Rocky V), Robert Hegyes (Welcome Back Kotter), John Ingle (General Hospital), Charles Durning (The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Scarface, Dog Day Afternoon), and Michael Clarke Duncan (The Green Mile, Daredevil, The Whole Nine Yards)

The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 3: From Appalachia With Love

Resin-Trophies-1348257350204Welcome back to Part 3 of the 2012 Sammys. I hope you have enjoyed Part 1 and Part 2 and 34111_clint0gswill join us in the next day or so for the exciting conclusion. For now though we re-join our host Clint Eastwood and continue with the show.

 

 

 

bmw1To present our next award The Manofesto is thrilled to reunite the cast of the vastly underrated bmw21354758382_4b-will-friedle-56090’s sitcom Boy Meets World. Please give a warm welcome to Ben Savage, Rider 1354758486_6a-william-daniels-560Strong, Danielle Fishel, William Daniels, & Will Friedle. And the nominees are:

 

 

 

Best TV Show

Mike & Mike in the Morning

The two time defending Sammy Award winners just keep plugging along. I think I described this as “comfort food TV” last year, and that characterization remains accurate. I love coming home from work every morning, giving lovins’ to my boy Rocco, having a nice breakfast, and settling down to watch Greeny & Golic do their thing. If you are a sports fan and you’re not watching this show then you are totally missing out.

 

 

Pardon the Interruption

Just like The Mikes do their thing every morning Michael Wilbon & the crotchety yet loveable Tony Kornheiser debate the sports issues du jour every evening at 5pm, albeit for only a half hour as compared to the 4 hour marathon that their compadres produce. These guys are not only entertaining but they are smart. Few television shows nowadays compel me to stop whatever I am doing and watch…this is one of the few.

 

 

The Big Bang Theory

I grew up in an era of incredibly entertaining sitcoms like The Cosby Show, Cheers, Happy Days, & Night Court. My tastes lean toward well written, intelligent, yet traditional & comfortable comedy. I need multiple cameras, a live audience, and a laugh track. Big Bang suits my fancy on all accounts. It is an old-fashioned sitcom that is smart, funny, edgy without being vulgar, and consistent in its quality. Not only do I do my best to keep up with first run episodes, but TBS now shows all the reruns so it’s a show I catch frequently.

 

 

How I Met Your Mother

It is amazing to me that a show built around one simple idea…the story of how one man eventually meets the mother of his children…has been able to successfully string along the audience without resolving the central question for 7 years yet few seem to mind. Neil Patrick Harris & Jason Segal are bona fide stars, and the writing remains superb. This is one of the very few network TV shows that has been able to hold my interest for any length of time.

 

 

NFL Redzone

I am not sure whether it’s a show or a channel. All I know is that in 2012, a few weeks into the football season, Time-Warner Cable finally brought the NFL Network to my area and this is its companion offering. I have thoroughly enjoyed coming home from church each Sunday afternoon and immersing myself in football for the next several hours. I have always done that to a degree, but now instead of being stuck with only a couple of games I get to see all of the most notable action in each & every NFL matchup. It is sensational, and whoever came up with the concept deserves to have some sort of statue carved in their honor.

 

 

American Restoration

Like many Americans I have embraced the growing trend of original programming on cable channels as the old network system continues to wither on the vine. I am convinced that the overall quality of what’s on television has diminished in comparison to my childhood, but the fact that there are many many more channels helps to offset the drift toward inane “reality” TV and the increase in violence, sexuality, & general depravity. Now I suppose this is technically a reality show, but it isn’t like the craptastic stuff the masses usually embrace (The Bachelor, Real Housewives, Breaking Amish, etc.). When one watches American Restoration one might actually learn something. That’s a concept I can dig.

 

 

Dan Lebatard Is Highly Questionable

I feel sorry for Lebatard, a Miami sportswriter who first came to my attention when he used to fill in occasionally on PTI. He was given his own show, but ESPN kind of treats it like a bastard stepchild. It’s usually on at 4:30pm, but is often pre-empted or moved around on the schedule. That’s too bad because it’s a really fun & quirky program. Dan’s co-host is his elderly Cuban father, who I absolutely adore. He reminds me just a little bit of my late grandfather. If you’ve checked out ESPN’s other shows but somehow missed this one (understandable given its nomadic scheduling) I urge you to give it a whirl.

 

 

American Pickers

The History Channel airs a lot of stupid stuff that I don’t really like and has nothing much to do with history (Life After People?? Really??), but when they get it right they do it quite well. American Pickers satiates one’s inner pack rat without the hassle of actually filling your house with junk you don’t need. Anyone who enjoys going antiquing or trolling yard sales every summer can appreciate the peculiar charm this show offers.

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

 

Mike & Mike. It’s an unprecedented 3rd consecutive Sammy for Greeny & Golic!! This show just never gets old. mikemikeIt’s fun, informative, and amiable. The guys have a good time but know when to tone it down and be serious as circumstances dictate. They lost some points on Halloween when they dressed up like that ridiculous Gangnam Style guy & his weird sidekick (they even did a parody video), but I am willing to overlook that one indiscretion (unlike a certain late night talker who Slow Jammed the News with Obama….a misstep that cost him a Sammy nomination). I like Golic so much that he’s even got me pulling for Notre Dame in the National Championship Game. I didn’t know there was any kind of voodoo in the world to even make that possible.

 

 

 

Rod StewartThere’s always time for good music, so please enjoy a brief interlude by two artists that span phillip_phillips_280x280the generations. Singing a duet of the Wilson Pickett classic In the Midnight Hour welcome to the stage legendary rocker Rod Stewart and American Idol winner Phillip Phillips.

 

 

kgTo present our next award it is an honor for The Manofesto to welcome the former star of CheersFormer-television-talk-show-hosts-20 & Frasier, Emmy award winning actor Kelsey Grammer, and award winning actor, comedian, writer, and talk show host Dennis Miller. And the nominees are:

 

 

 

 

The Rosie O’Donnell Memorial Just Go Away Award

Tim Tebow

I’m probably going to catch some flak for this one, but I don’t care. Hasn’t Tebow gotten the message yet?? No one outside of ESPN’s resident buffoon Skip Bayless seriously believes that he can play QB in the NFL. The NY Jets obviously brought him in for a publicity stunt. They did get a ton of publicity in 2012, but for all the wrong reasons. Look, I’ve stated numerous times that I am sure Tebow is a nice guy. Is he a bit of a phony?? Probably, but aren’t we all?? Nevertheless, the circus needs to end and he needs to move on to whatever he is really meant to do with his life.

 

Roseanne Barr

Rarely is a person nominated for 2 Sammys in a single year. As a matter of fact I am pretty sure it’s never happened, although I am far too languid to do the necessary research. Anyway, suffice to say that Roseanne is an idiot and has been for years. She’s not funny, she has no class, and she’s wrong about just about everything she decides to spout off about.

 

Lindsay Lohan

Has this crack whore hit bottom yet?? Sadly I don’t believe she has. I’ve heard that her latest project, a Lifetime (television for women) movie called Liz & Dick in which The Hohan portrays Elizabeth Taylor, is hilariously bad. This is a gal that many once believed could be the next Meryl Streep. It is sad how all that potential has been completely wasted.

 

Taylor Swift

I’m not a real big fan of country music, but I don’t hate it. But compare a classy country artist…maybe Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride…to this kid and you’ll quickly realize that it’s like comparing fine scotch to cheap wine coolers. Have you ever listened to one of her interviews?? She is 23 going on 13. This immaturity has begun to noticeably bleed into her songs. Shouldn’t it be going in the other direction?? Shouldn’t her work become better & more refined as she gets older?? There’s also the matter of her personal life, which has become a national joke. I saw a quote somewhere that said that “this young woman doesn’t date…she trolls for potential lyrics to future songs”. There was also a Facebook meme that said something to the effect that one of Taylor Swift’s exes should write a song titled Maybe You’re the Problem. I think what Ms. Swift needs to do is go off the grid for a few years and come back when she’s gotten a little more life experience and can manage to be less annoying.

 

Kristen Stewart

I’ve never read Twilight and I never will. I’ve never seen the movies and have no intention of doing so. I suppose that disinterest is why I am sick to death of hearing about this human blank page. She’s got the charm & personality of rice cakes. For God’s sake you are rich, famous, & successful at the tender age of 22…can you atleast pretend to enjoy it rather than constantly looking like you are in the midst of a root canal & really have to take a dump??

 

Justin Bieber

Do I really need to explain?? Look, I know most teenage girls & senile grandmas think this kid is cool. I am not an teeny bopper or a granny though, so I think he’s a douchebag.

 

Dwight Howard

Has there been a bigger whiny little bitch in sports the past year?? He wanted out of Orlando, then he didn’t. He wanted to be traded, then he agreed to stay. He got Orlando Magic coach Stan van Gundy fired and still wanted out. Now he’s an LA Laker and they are mediocre at best. I am starting to fondly recall the good ol’ days of Shaquille O’Neal in comparison.

 

Piers Morgan

Roseanne Barr has some company. As you may recall Piers earlier won the Assclown of the Year Award, so I am sure he’d be quite proud of this daily double. Here’s the funny thing…he might actually go away…literally. Not only is there a legitimate petition to have him deported, but the man himself has stated that if more gun control legislation isn’t passed he may voluntarily leave of his own volition. That’d be fine by me.

 

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

Y’all know the drill by now, right?? It’s a TIE!! None of these people add anything of substance to our culture. loserThey are all just a big ol’ waste of time. Take heart America…past nominees/winners of this award have included the likes of Jersey Shore (which just ended), Bret Favre (who finally retired for good in 2010), Twilight (which is finally o-v-e-r), and Heidi & Spencer (Remember them?? Probably not), so there is always hope.

 

 

 

charles-barkleyWe are so glad that for the 2nd year in a row the man for whom the next award was named can be here to present it. Please welcome one of the all-time great professional basketball players and current analyst for TNT’s Inside the NBA, Mr. Charles Barkley. And the nominees are:

 

 

 

The Charles Barkley Memorial Role Model Award

 

Eric LeGrand

On October 16, 2010 Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand made a tackle that would change his life forever. LeGrand was paralyzed from the neck down. I am a paraplegic myself but have always felt fortunate that it happened at birth rather than as a result of an accident when I was older. My life is the way it has always been and I know no other reality. To be able-bodied and have that suddenly change has to be traumatic. I have met people in that situation in my life, and oftentimes they are bitter, disillusioned, and angry at God. I completely understand that reaction. However, there is another way, and LeGrand has chosen that path. He has become an inspiration to millions who have heard his story. He has not shrunk into the background. He continues to live a full & satisfying life and work toward recovery. It is my understanding that he has regained some sensation & movement. At this year’s ESPY Awards LeGrand stated his belief that he would walk again and his intention, when that day comes, to return to the the field where he was injured, go to the exact spot, lay down, and then get up & walk off the field like he was unable to do on that horrible autumn day.

 

 

Dan Cathy & Mike Huckabee

The Chick-Fil-A controversy was obviously a big story in 2012. It all started last summer with a couple of interviews in which Cathy, the company’s CEO & son of its founder, espoused his & the company’s support of Biblical principles & “the biblical definition of the family unit”. Those statements created a firestorm of controversy stirred by the leftist, God hating, alternative lifestyles crowd. There were threats, there were boycotts, there were petitions…predictable reactions from what my man Rush Limbaugh refers to as “phony baloney plastic banana good time rock n’ rollers”. However, this time Christian conservatives fought back. Former Arkansas governor & 2008 presidential candidate Mike Huckabee organized Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day and on Wednesday August 1st the masses turned out in droves. I know the parking lot was packed and the drive thru line longer than I’ve ever seen it at my local restaurant, and my friend The Owl reported similar activity from his base in Columbus, OH. I am sure the business enjoyed a healthy bottom line, but that’s not really what it’s all about. Kudos to Cathy for standing by his values & running a first-class operation, and to Huckabee for doing what more Christians need to do…find a way to fight back that is tasteful, intelligent, peaceful, and examples Christ.

 

 

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker

After having been duly elected thru the democratic process in 2010 Gov. Walker was forced to endure a recall election in 2012 after less than a year in office. His crime?? He pissed off the unions in Wisconsin while trying to instill some fiscal responsibility to his state. Fortunately for Wisconsin Walker endured & won the recall. We need more public servants like Walker who are willing to tighten the belt, say no, and make a good faith effort to be proper stewards of that with which they have been entrusted.

 

 

Pat Summitt

I am not a big fan of women’s basketball or any other women’s sport. I guess maybe some would call that sexist. Maybe it is. At any rate, that being said, even a non-fan like me knows about the dominance of the University of Tennessee & their coach Pat Summitt. Between 1987 & 2008 Summitt led the Lady Volunteers to 8 national championships. Over the course of 38 years she became the all time winningest NCAA basketball coach, surpassing even the best men’s coaches like Duke’s Coach K., UCLA legend John Wooden, and Bobby Knight. In 2011 she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, but continued coaching. In 2012 she stepped down and let someone else take over. She didn’t have to…no one forced her to. But Pat Summitt knew it was the right thing to do…for her health and for the long term success of the program that she’d built. She has handled herself & the situation with grace & class. I do not know the current state of her health, but I wish Pat Summitt all of the favor & blessings that God may see fit to bestow.

 

 

Felix Baumgartner

On October 14th the 43 year old Austrian daredevil set multiple world records when he skydived from 24 miles up into the Earth’s stratosphere, becoming the first person to break the sound barrier without vehicular power in the process. Why’d he do it?? I don’t know. All I do know is that it was pretty freakin’ cool and an amazing feat.

 

 

Angus T. Jones

I do not watch Two & a Half Men. It comes on at 9pm on Monday nights, and nothing is going to tear me away from my pro wrestling. I’ve seen a few episodes here & there over the years, enough to know that Jones portrays the “half man”, the son of the character played by Jon Cryer (otherwise known as Matthew Broderick Light in the 80’s). A few months ago the 19 year old Jones, who apparently had been born again recently, expressed refreshing honesty about the program on which he appears when he said that it was “filth” and encouraged people to stop watching. Now there are some that have called Jones unprofessional & hypocritical, pointing out that he is biting the hand that feeds him & also still cashing those paychecks since he hasn’t quit his job just yet. Those are valid arguments. However, I choose to blame the admittedly clumsy way in which the young man handled the issue on his youth. He’ll learn to approach situations with more elegance & finesse as he matures. I would rather focus on the fact that The Lord has a new soldier in His army that is beginning to recognize some basic truths about life. I wish young Mr. Jones nothing but success in whatever pursuits he may decide upon in the future and sincerely hope he continues on the path of faith.

 

 

Howard Cooper

Who?? Yes, I know…you’ve never heard of him. Well not everyone worthy of our praise is a celebrity. Cooper is an 83 year old Michigan man who owned an auto dealership until last spring. Upon his retirement he decided to thank his 89 employees in a very practical…and generous…way. Cooper gave each employee $1000…for every year of service they’d given the business, which opened 47 years ago. In other words, anyone who’d been with Mr. Cooper since the beginning received a check for $46,000. Someone who’d only been around half that time received a still handsome sum of $23K. He had also insisted that the business who’d bought him out retain each employee as a condition of the sale. The total sum of these gifts is unknown, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the world would be a much better place if every boss was as thoughtful as Mr. Cooper and cared about their security as much as him. Kudos to Howard Cooper. Well played sir.

 

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

Eric LeGrand. Maybe I am a bit biased since I myself am in a wheelchair. I hope that LeGrand is able to someday s111006_01-eric-pg-horizontalwalk again, and I would love to see him fulfill his dream of walking off the same field that he once left on a stretcher. Only God knows if that will actually happen, but in the meantime I am sure he will keep working, stay active, and show the world that a disability is not a death sentence. In May the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (now coached by former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano) signed LeGrand to an NFL contract, which was a damn fine gesture on their part. In July LeGrand officially “retired” so as not to take up a roster spot…an equally classy move.

 

 

 

 

This seems like the appropriate place to take another break. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

 

 

 

 

 

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The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 2: Eclipsing the Old Moon

Resin-Trophies-1348257350204Welcome to Part 2 of the 2012 Sammy Awards. If you have not already done so please check out Part 1.

 

 

After another brief & entertaining tirade by our curmudgeonly yet loveable host Clint Eastwood it is time for our father-and-daughter-bruce-jenner-and-kylie-jennernext award. The Manofesto is proud to introduce a man who not only captured our hearts at the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal by winning a gold medal for the decathlon, but who also knows a whole lot about intellectually vacant, narcissistic, completely useless morons since he is related to a bunch of them. Please welcome to the stage Bruce Jenner. And the nominees are:

 

 

Assclown of the Year

Roseanne Barr

I’ve never liked Roseanne Barr. Her comedy act was grating, and her 1990’s sitcom was low rent rubbish. However, in 2012 she took her antics to a whole new level. When she announced on The Tonight Show that she was running for President of the United States I assumed it was a joke. Unfortunately it wasn’t. She ran, and sadly received over 61,000 votes. During the course of her “campaign” Barr said several outlandish things, including tweeting that anyone who eats at Chick-Fil-A deserves to get cancer. She also used Twitter to publish the home address of the parents of George Zimmerman, the alleged shooter in the Trayvon Martin case, and accused billionaires of being pedophiles & cocaine addicts. In addition, Barr is apparently an anti-Semitic Jew, which is like being a homophobic lesbian or an African-American white supremacist.

 

MSNBC

Yes, that’s right…the entire network. Look, I don’t care that they make no effort to hide their bias. Fox News obviously caters to a decidedly conservative audience, so I have no problem with a channel aimed at liberals. But what I do have an issue with is stupidity. Almost the entire lineup of “personalities” on this cancer of cable TV are histrionic blowhards who accuse their opponents of racism at every turn. With a roster of guys like Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, Rev. Al Sharpton, and Ed Schultz it’s no wonder that MSNBC’s ratings lag far behind Fox News.

 

Ozzie Guillen

On April 4th the Miami Marlins christened a brand new ball park with a 4-1 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals. The loss didn’t matter all that much though, as this was a fresh start for the beleaguered Marlins…new name, new ballpark, and a brand new manager – the always colorful Ozzie Guillen. Unfortunately that same week, in an interview for Time Magazine, Guillen pronounced his love, admiration, & respect for Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. That’s right…the manager of the Miami Marlins said that he loves Fidel Castro. Let that sink in for a minute. It certainly isn’t the first nutty thing that the man has said or done, but as it turns out it was career suicide…atleast for now. The rocky start to the season never quite corrected itself and after finishing in last place with a 69-93 record the Marlins’ brass relieved Guillen of his duties. I strongly suspect that without that singularly stupid remark he would have atleast been given another year to right the ship. As it stands Guillen is currently unemployed and somewhere out there a certain Mr. Osbourne is relieved to no longer be the wackiest Ozzy in the world.

 

VP Joe Biden

Do I really need to go into detail?? It’s freakin’ Joe Biden. He’s been proving himself to be a jackass for many years. I am firmly convinced that one reason Obama chose Biden as a running mate 4 years ago was so that he’d look intelligent by comparison.

 

Rob Parker

Citizens of The Manoverse know of my abiding affection for ESPN’s slate of sports talk shows. The one exception over the years has been their 10am-Noon program First Take. The usual source of my contempt is pompous windbag Skip Bayless, but he has escaped my wrath this time. The honor this year goes to fill-in guest debater Rob Parker from Detroit. Parker can be controversial & abrasive, and is one of those “reverse racists” whose contempt for white folks can barely be contained. Just a few weeks ago, while discussing Washington Redskins’ QB Robert Griffin III (First Take’s other favorite son after the nearly played out Tim Tebow), Parker called into question the authenticity of RGIII’s blackness, calling him “kind of black” & a “cornball brother” and saying he wasn’t “down with the cause” and “not one of us” because he has a white girlfriend and might be a Republican. Here’s my question – what cause?? It’s 2012, not 1952. I am just an ol’ country boy from the hills of West Virginia, so I am not one who can offer expert commentary on race relations in modern American society. I treat people how they treat me, regardless of their race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or favorite sports teams. So even if you love Notre Dame, the NY Yankees, or the Baltimore Ravens I’m still cool with you if you’re cool with me. Isn’t that the way all grown-ups should treat one another?? Parker’s comments make it clear that he is the racist in this particular situation.

 

Sandra Fluke          

Ms. Fluke is the Georgetown University law student who testified before a Congressional committee that the tab for her birth control during law school ran about $3000. This statement was lampooned by The Godfather of Conservatism and the King of Talk Radio Rush Limbaugh, who opined that if Ms. Fluke was spending that much on birth control she must be a slut. I want to make it clear that I am well aware that there are women who need contraceptive medications for legitimate female health issues, but it is also my understanding that Ms. Fluke never said directly that she needed them for that purpose. Therefore Mr. Limbaugh’s supposition is logical, even if it could have been stated in a more gallant & gracious fashion. The bottom line is that so many people in America these days wallow in the victim mentality & spend their lives with their hand out looking for somebody else to pay their freight that a person going before Congress…a body that seems like it’d have some rather vital issues to tackle…and implying that taxpayers should bear the financial burden of her “private” activities just seemed wrong on multiple levels.

 

Rahm Emanuel & Thomas Menino

In the wake of the Chick-Fil-A controversy Menino, the mayor of Boston, publically stated that he was going to prevent any of their restaurants from opening in his city. I guess his liberal agenda means more to him than job growth & the economic well-being of his city. Meanwhile in Chicago, Emanuel…President Obama’s former Chief of Staff and now Mayor of The Windy City…echoed the sentiment and said that Chick-Fil-A “did not represent Chicago values”. What exactly does that mean?? If it means that Chick-Fil-A doesn’t engage in mafia style tactics or lie, cheat, & steal to accomplish its goals then maybe it was a compliment, but I doubt if that’s what he meant.

 

Bobby Petrino

One of the most indelible images of 2012 is Petrino, after having been in a motorcycle accident, participating in a post-practice press conference wearing a neck brace with his face all ruddy & stoved up. Shortly thereafter it would come to light that he’d had a woman on the bike with him, that he was having an affair with her, and that she worked for the University of Arkansas’s athletic department because Petrino had gotten her the gig. So here is a man who cheated on his wife, used his influence to get his mistress a job, and then had the whole mess exposed in just about the dumbest way possible. Arkansas fired Petrino, who has had past run-ins with idiocy. This is the guy who ditched the Louisville Cardinals in 2006…just six months after signing a 10 year contract…to jump to the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons only to abruptly leave them before the end of his first season to take the job at Arkansas. Sadly Petrino is a good football coach so he is getting another opportunity, this time at Western Kentucky. If he wins enough games his complete lack of judgment and disrespect for the bond of holy matrimony will be forgotten by most everyone…probably even his wife.

 

DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Really Democrat Party?? You couldn’t find a better person to lead & represent your organization than this embarrassment?? I have always said that I may not agree with a person’s opinion but am more than happy to have a philosophical discussion with someone as long as they present a thoughtful & intelligent defense of their beliefs. This is not a person that seems to be capable of accomplishing that ideal. She was on television a-l-o-t this past year, and every time I see her I have to convince myself that it’s not some ill-conceived, unfunny SNL sketch.

 

Bob Costas & Jason Whitlock

Earlier this month tragedy struck the NFL as Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend then drove to the Chiefs’ practice facility and shot himself in front of team coaches & executives. It’s a very sad story the likes of which have become all too familiar in 21st century America. However, what makes these types of stories worse is when the media use such a tragedy to pontificate about their own beliefs and promote their particular sociopolitical agenda. Whitlock is a sports writer for FoxSports.com, with a resume that includes previous gigs with ESPN and various newspapers & radio stations. Following the Belcher murder-suicide he penned an article saying that if Belcher didn’t own a gun both he & his girlfriend would still be alive and also called the NRA the new KKK. I guess Mr. Whitlock has never heard of knives, poison, a baseball bat, killing a person with your bare hands, or any of the other numerous ways one can commit murder if one is hellbent on doing so. Making matters worse was the normally more cerebral Bob Costas, who quoted Whitlock’s article during a halftime commentary on NBC’s Sunday Night Football. I understand that the talking heads cannot completely ignore a big story, and these police blotter situations have become more common in the past decade or two. However, when I am watching a ball game or reading the sports page I really just want to know about the scores, the highlights, and the players. If these guys want to do “hard news” then they need to get a gig doing just that, and then they can bloviate to their heart’s content. But as long as they are supposedly doing sports they need to keep their asinine opinions to themselves.

 

General David Petraeus

Having an affair is never right. But it’s doubly stupid when you are in a high profile position like Director of the CIA. I have the utmost respect for our military, and it’s a shame that this guy had to cast a shadow on the whole institution because he couldn’t keep his little soldier in its barracks.

 

The Mayans

I’d say they need to recalculate their calendar, but they’re all dead and we’re still here.

 

Mayor Michael Bloomberg

No one has illustrated the difference between a Republican and a conservative in recent years more that NY City mayor Michael Bloomberg, an out-of-touch billionaire (the 10th wealthiest person in the country as a matter of fact) now in his 3rd term in office. Even Bloomberg recognized that his party affiliation was a joke and switched to the wishy-washy independent status a couple of years ago (this after having been a Democrat before he ran for mayor). Basically he’s a political prostitute. At any rate, Mayor Bloomberg apparently skipped each & every day in his school years when they taught about The Constitution. He has taken it upon himself to limit freedoms on everything from smoking to eating to circumcision, and in 2012 caught the attention of the nation by prohibiting restaurants, clubs, and movie theaters from selling sugary drinks in anything larger than a 16 ounce container. I am sure the citizens of The Big Apple are happy that there aren’t bigger issues to tackle than their consumption of supersized milkshakes & caramel macchiatos.

 

Piers Morgan

You’ve heard the phrase “America…Love it or Leave it.”?? This is one person who needs to decide which way he leans. Surprisingly he is not employed by MSNBC, where his idiotic hyperbole would be right at home. Instead Mr. Morgan, who hails from merry old England, plies his trade at CNN (where he replaced Larry King), meaning even less people watch him than if he did actually work for MSNBC. At any rate he is another anti-gun nut who has really stepped up his rhetoric after the heartbreaking rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. I’ll say this much…atleast he isn’t a sports journalist and his talk show is a more appropriate forum for such a discussion, but I still find it disgusting when these liberals try to paint conservatives as bad people yet it is usually them who politicizes tragedy for their own benefit. To my knowledge Morgan has not taken steps to become an American citizen, so he is a guest in our country. Therefore he should respect our rules and our laws. If he wants to live in a nation where guns have been banned then maybe he should go back to Britain. There is currently a petition calling for Piers Morgan to be deported and it has almost 90,000 signatures…far more than the 25k which, by law, requires a response from The White House. Then on Christmas Eve Morgan attacked Christianity, saying that The Bible is “inherently flawed” and needs amended, ostensibly to make the whole same sex marriage thing okay. I guess Piers Morgan doesn’t believe that The Bible is the inerrant Word of God. I wonder if he’ll finally admit he’s wrong when he’s burning in Hell.

 

The Houston Family

I was legitimately sad when Whitney Houston died. She had been such a beautiful woman with a voice to match. I am deeply disappointed that her family has chosen to capitalize on her death by doing a stupid reality show. Whitney’s daughter Bobbi Christina is obviously a very troubled young lady, and God knows she’s got trainwreck written all over both sides of her gene pool, so it is pathetic that her relatives would agree to exploit her grief.

 

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

 

 

 

Piers Morgan. It was an extremely tight race and each nominee was a worthy contender, but two things clinched Piers_profile_twitterit for Morgan. First of all, anytime someone is such a jackass that darn near 100,000 people sign a petition to have him DEPORTED that cannot be ignored. Secondly, when a person manages to spit on both The Bible and The Constitution it’s kind of a daily double worthy of robust scorn. Kick around Mr. Morgan while you still can folks…I have a feeling he’ll slink into the scrap heap of forgotten pop culture hogwash relatively soon.

 

 

 

At this time The Manofesto is pleased to offer some comic relief in the way of the comedic stylings of conservativestine Christian comedian Brad Stine.

 

 

HINES1To present our next award please welcome to the stage former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and current NFL analyst for NBC’s Sunday Night Football Hines Ward. And the nominees are:

 

 

 

Biggest Sports Story

NY Knicks Sensation Jeremy Lin

Back in February, after a lockout that had shortened the NBA season, the NY Knicks were riddled with injuries and forced to start undrafted free agent point guard Jeremy Lin. The young man quickly proved himself worthy and led the Knicks on a 9-3 tear thru the league, average nearly 23 points & 9 assists per game in the process. It didn’t take long for him to become a star in New York, and Linsanity was born. A coaching change and a knee injury ended the excitement almost as quickly as it began, and in the off season Lin signed a free agent contract with the Houston Rockets, but for a very brief moment in time the story of the young man who went from the end of the bench to being the toast of the town in The Big Apple dominated the headlines.

 

New Orleans Saints Bounty Scandal

Football is an inherently violent sport, and always will be unless Commissioner Fidel Goodell really does end up destroying the game as a whole in his bleeding heart liberal effort to water it down in the name of player safety. However, there is an assumption of fair play and good, clean competition. When the league announced last spring that it was suspending several New Orleans Saints players, coaches, & suits due to them putting out bounties on opposing players that notion was shattered in a way that it’d never been previously. Allegedly starting in 2009 (the year they defeated Peyton Manning’s Colts in The Super Bowl) Saints defensive players could earn extra cash for injuring certain opposing players and forcing their exit from the game. Goodell layed the hammer down on the Saints, including a full season ban for head coach Sean Payton & linebacker Jonathan Vilma as well as shorter suspensions for other players & coaches. Even general manager Mickey Loomis was suspended for a half season. Almost all involved vehemently denied the existence of any bounty program or their participation in anything unseemly. This month a special investigation headed by former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue overturned all of the players’ penalties but upheld those inflicted upon coaches & Saints management.

 

Peyton Manning

2011 was a lost season for Peyton Manning, one of the top 2 or 3 NFL quarterbacks of the last few decades. A neck injury forced him out of action all of last season, which started an interesting chain of events. Mostly due to Manning’s absence the Indianapolis Colts finished 2-14. Head coach Jim Caldwell was fired. Armed with the #1 overall pick in the draft and the prospect of grabbing can’t miss QB prospect Andrew Luck the Colts decided that a 35 year old signal caller trying to come back from neck surgery wasn’t worth the money, so Manning became a free agent. Several teams expressed interest, but ultimately the Denver Broncos, led by team president and legendary quarterback in his own right John Elway, successfully wooed Peyton Manning. The Elway/Manning combo was an intriguing story, but no one really knew if it would actually work. Manning is in his mid-30’s, and an effective comeback not only from a sensitive injury but also a year-long layoff was a risky proposition at best. As it turn out everyone got their happy ending. The Colts drafted Luck and he’s already brought them back to being a playoff team. And Manning is a strong contender for not only Comeback Player of the Year but also NFL MVP, as he has led the Broncos to double digit victories and a division title. It’s nice to see positive news on the sports page occasionally.

 

Lance Armstrong Doping Controversy

Once upon a time Lance Armstrong was one of the most popular athletes in the world. He not only won 7 consecutive Tour de France titles, but had also successfully battled cancer. We Americans LOVE a story like that!! We have no problems putting sports heroes up on a pedestal for simply winning trophies, and when they overcome a life threatening disease we’re ready to knight them, canonize them, and build a freakin’ monument. Armstrong had been fighting allegations of doping for years, but we’d always given him the benefit of the doubt and believed his constant denials because that’s how we roll with guys with only one testicle. But in 2012 an investigation seemed to finally confirm that Armstrong is not only a cheater but also a big fat liar. He was stripped of all 7 of his Tour de France titles and by deciding not to challenge the ruling tacitly admitted…in most peoples’ eyes anyway…the veracity of the accusations despite public protestations to the contrary. I don’t give a rat’s petoot about cycling but am always disappointed to see another supposed hero be knocked off their lofty perch.

 

Sexual Abuse at Penn St.

This is a story that just continued from last year into this one. However there were some significant developments in 2012. The man at the center of the scandal…pedophile Jerry Sandusky…went to trial, was found guilty of 45 counts of sexual abuse, and was sentenced to 30-60 years in prison. The report of an independent investigation of the situation issued a scathing rebuke of Penn St. and its institutional failures. This report was utilized by the NCAA in handing down harsh penalties on the football program, including a $60 million fine, a 4 year post-season ban, 5 years of probation, and the loss of 20 scholarships per year for four years. Disgraced former coach Joe Paterno died in January and six months later was stripped of 111 of his career wins, knocking him from the all time winningest NCAA football coach to 12th on the list. The university moved quickly to eradicate most indicators that Paterno had ever existed, including the removal of a statue that had been on campus for over a decade. The 2012 Nittany Lions, under the leadership of new head coach Bill O’Brien, finished with a surprisingly good 8-4 record, and O’Brien was named the Big Ten Coach of the Year as well as national Coach of the Year.

 

The Summer Olympics in London

Every couple of years we go thru this cycle. Atleast the summer games are more fun than the winter games. Gymnastics is always entertaining and of course basketball is cool. The United States dominated the medal count, including gold for the men’s basketball team, all around team gold for the ladies’ gymnastics team & an individual all-around gold for Gabby Douglas, 4 golds for swimmer Missy Franklin, and multiple medals for swimmers Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte.

 

NHL Lockout

Yeah…the NHL season hasn’t started yet. I don’t especially love hockey so I really don’t care.

 

College Football Playoff

The 14 year old BCS has admittedly worked rather well for the most part, with advocates pointing out that it makes the regular season matter and more often than not really does manage to put together what most consider the top two teams in the nation. Still, there are times when one or two other teams left on the outside looking in have a legitimate gripe. No one without a PhD in mathematics can seem to figure out the formulas that the computers use to rank teams and I think people are getting just a little tired of seeing the SEC being fellatiated like President Obama at a birthday party for Chris Matthews. However, in June of this year the NCAA finally gave fans what we’ve been demanding for years. Beginning after the 2014 season we will have a 4 team playoff. It’s not exactly how I would have done it, but it’ll be much better than what we have now.

 

Lebron Wins A Championship

Well The Whore of Akron finally did it. After throwing his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers under the bus two years ago and “taking his talents to South Beach” Lebron James won an NBA title with the Miami Heat. I still don’t know how he is able to look at himself in a mirror each day, although I am sure large piles of cash help tremendously.

 

Replacement NFL Referees

We are used to strikes & lockouts in pro sports, but they usually involve the players. However this year it was the NFL referees that were locked out for the entire pre-season and the first few weeks of the regular season. Arrogant owners thought that the regular refs could be easily replaced with scrubs, but it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t the case. The ineptitude of the replacements was epic. They were clueless about the rules, made horrifically bad calls, and were a complete embarrassment. Things came to a head on a Monday night in Seattle when the Seahawks defeated the Green Bay Packers on a controversial last second Hail Mary touchdown in which Seattle should have been called for offensive pass interference and the ball was seemingly intercepted by the Packers but awarded to the Seahawks due to alleged “simultaneous possession”. Lots of screwy things happen in the NFL, but when a sacred cow like the Green Bay Packers get screwed over it’s a big freakin’ deal, and so two days later a deal was suddenly struck and the real referees came back to work. Interestingly enough that one game still might end up deciding a division title and screwing with playoff seeding & home field advantage.

 

Augusta National Admits First Female Members

Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia was founded in 1933 by legendary golfer Bobby Jones, who also created The Masters tournament in 1934 that is still held there each spring. Until 1990 it was an exclusive club for white men, but then caught up with the times (admittedly a few decades late) by finally admitting black members. But in 2012 it was still just a club for men. Personally I didn’t see that as a real issue. Whereas everyone knows that racism is wrong, I see no problem with organizations that are strictly for women or strictly for men. However, I guess I am in the minority, and in August Augusta National finally bowed to decades of public pressure by admitting two ladies…former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and South Carolina investment banker Darla Moore.

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

Bountygate. It was the story that we just couldn’t get away from in 2012. Every time we turned around there was some new twist to the story, some new evidence or charges of a lack of evidence. Where there is smoke there is usually fire, but it is rare to encounter anyone so passionate in defending themselves against wrongdoing as the alleged offenders in this case. The 2009 Saints were the group that everyone had cheered for so heartily because new_orleans_saints-logo-in-gold-background24it’d brought joy & redemption to the city of New Orleans in the wake of 2005’s Hurricane Katrina, so to see that heroic season have a shadow cast over it was unpleasant. Also, Goodell’s continuing efforts to sanitize, water down, and wussify the game of football became a tentacle of the discussion, as it was noted that none of the key hits focused on in the scandal, especially against the likes of now retired quarterbacks Kurt Warner & Bret Favre, had generated penalties or been thought of as anything unusual at the time they occurred. At the end of the day no one comes out looking particular good in all of this, and it’s too bad that so many hours of coverage had to be dedicated to a story when all we fans really want to do is watch the game, have some fun, and escape from our own prosaic & excruciatingly mundane reality.

 

 

 

This seems like the appropriate place to take a break. Please join us tomorrow for Part I3 of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

 

 

 

 

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The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 1: The Curse of the Goblet of Secrets

Resin-Trophies-1348257350204Happy Holidays and welcome to the 3rd annual Sammy Awards. I sincerely hope that everyone in The Manoverse had a lovely & festive Christmas, and I wish you all a very Happy New Year. Before we get on with the imaginary show let me briefly review the ground rules for anyone who may have missed last year’s presentation. I approach this effort with the thought in mind that it could actually be a real, televised awards show. There are dozens of them already, so what’s one more?? Mine would be much different & more entertaining though. It’d be broadcast on HBO, which would allow multiple re-runs, eliminate commercials, and create a sense of freedom that the politically correct broadcast networks stifle. The pace would be brisk because a show longer than two hours drags and loses the interest of the viewer. There would be no acceptance speeches because most of the categories have far too many nominees to have in the audience and alot of them might not think it an honor to be nominated anyway. The Sammys are classier than the idiotic MTV Awards, yet not as pompous as The Academy Awards. They are a lighthearted but thoughtful look back at the past year…the stories, the people, and the events (both happy & not so happy) that made 2012 another fun ride.

 

34111_clint0gsThis year’s host is legendary actor/director Clint Eastwood. If I have to explain why then you haven’t been paying attention.

 

 

Jimmy-Fallon-EmmysAfter a brief, slightly amusing, somewhat rambling opening monologue by Mr. Eastwood our first dogg_afterdarklgaward will be presented by late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon and rapper/actor Snoop Dogg. And the nominees are:

 

 

The Twitter Award for Most Interesting Water Cooler Topic

Octomom Does Porn

We first met Nadya Suleman a few years ago when she gave birth to octuplets (that’s 8 babies for those of you in MacDowell County, WV). It was quickly discovered that Suleman already had 6 kids and was a succubus on the Big Government teat, so no one could figure out why she was on meds to have even more offspring when she couldn’t even take care of the ones she had. Octomom became one of those 21st century “celebrities” that shows like Extra & Entertainment Tonight like to enable. Flash ahead to 2012 when Suleman figured out that not even the government offers a big enough check to properly provide for 14 children. Her solution?? Pornography and dancing at a strip club…of course. Making matters worse is the fact that this is a woman who, objectively speaking as a man who appreciates lovely women, is just not that attractive and should be paid to keep her clothes on.

 

Regis’ Replacement

81 year old Regis Philbin has spent more time on television than anyone else in history. Seriously…it’s in the Guinness Book of World Records. But not even Regis could suffer through another year with the overly perky Kelly Ripa. Faced with the choice of either gouging his own eyes out with a spoon on national television or retiring he did the smart thing and walked away from the daytime talk show that he’d helmed for nearly 25 years in late 2011. Throughout most of 2012 various guest hosts auditioned for the “honor” of being annoyed by Ripa on a daily basis. Dozens of gentlemen from various genres of entertainment were given the opportunity to take Regis’s spot, although only a handful were ever considered viable contenders. Among those were singer Josh Groban, actors Neil Patrick Harris & Mario Lopez, journalists Dan Abrams & Andy Cohen, fashion expert Carson Kressley, SNL funnyman Seth Myers, meteorologist Sam Champion, and Ripa’s own husband Mark Consuelos (an apparent masochist). This search went on for months. I’ve witnessed entire relationships…from the dating stage to the marriage thru the divorce…that were shorter than the process to find Regis Philbin’s successor. At the end of the day the gig was given to former NY Giants sack king Michael Strahan, proving once & for all that the long term effects of concussions on football players is a real issue.

 

Prince Harry & Kate Middleton Nekkid

For some reason we Americans are still enamored with the British royal family. I have no idea why. Maybe it is because they always do wacky things that inadvertently entertain the masses. At any rate, this past summer the world was all abuzz after every supermarket rag and low rent website published photos of 28 year old Harry, the younger son of Prince Charles and the late, nearly deified Princess Diana, au naturel in a Vegas hotel room. What happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas when you are a prince. Then this fall Harry’s sister-in-law, Kate, the wife of Prince William, was photographed by paparazzi topless, which of course was all over the same trashy magazines & websites. I’m not sure why anyone cares because I sure as heck don’t.

 

Bullying

Bullying isn’t a new topic of discussion. There have been bullies for as long as there have been children. But in 21st century America, where everything is a problem, too many people are hypersensitive, and things that didn’t used to be a big deal have become opportunities for bleeding hearts to become offended, bullying has suddenly become a hot button issue. My stance on the whole thing is, as usual, somewhat politically incorrect. I’ve never been bullied, but at times I have certainly been overlooked, taken for granted, and made to feel invisible. It concerns me that nowadays we have children actually committing suicide due to bullying. This seems like a relatively recent phenomenon, and I think we need to ask ourselves why. If bullying itself isn’t new but our collective hysteria about it is then maybe…just maybe…it should be considered that we are simply raising weaker children unequipped for handling the rigors of childhood. And if a kid can’t handle being a kid then what the heck are they going to face when they grow up?? It’s a tough world full of challenges, disappointment, heartbreak, and yes…mean & nasty people who will walk all over you if they are allowed. I’m no sociologist and I am not even a parent so I certainly don’t have any answers, but I think it’s a discussion worth having.

 

Chick-Fil-A

I’ve always liked Chick-Fil-A. They have tasty sammiches and the whole waffle fries thing is different in a good way. In 2012 the fast food chain found themselves in a bit of a pickle (if you’ve ever eaten one of their sammiches you’ll appreciate the joke) when their CEO publically espoused support for traditional marriage & Christian values. This mightily upset the liberal deviant lifestyle crowd. However, whether they were standing up for Biblical principles or just supporting the executive’s 1st Amendment right to free speech, millions of people mobilized and rallied around the eatery, helping them to post record profits. My friend The Owl and I both enjoy going to our particular local Chick-Fil-As not only because the food is good but also because it is a first class operation whose employs are well trained in the art of customer service and seem to treat every patron with dignity & respect. That is much too rare in 21st century America.

 

Fifty Shades of Grey

What is the dividing line between erotica and porn?? Is there really a difference?? I think maybe erotica is just a word women who read this kind of crap use to make themselves feel better about their sin. Anyway, this is a trilogy that I will likely never read but that took the world by storm in 2012. To each their own I suppose.

 

Bee Pollen

I know people who have lost weight taking the stuff, and I know people who sell it. Since I am on my own weight loss journey I seriously pondered giving it a whirl but when I asked my nutritionist about it she assured me that it was total poppycock. I think the trick is that one is instructed to consume copious amounts of water with the pills, which logically will eliminate hunger. Drink a big ol’ vat of H2O sometime and see if you feel like snacking afterword. I can tell you right now you won’t want to because you’ll be full. So here’s an idea…why not just skip the pills and drink a lot of water?? Seems like a logical solution to me. But hey, if taking these pills legitimately helps a person lose weight…even if it is simply a placebo effect…then go for it. Whatever works, right??

 

Call Me Maybe

Every once in awhile a song will come along that divides the nation…some people dig it while others absolutely hate it. This is one of those songs. It’s a catchy little bubblegum pop tune about a young lady’s unrequited crush that caught fire last summer and spent the vast majority of it at #1 on the charts. Personally I kind of like the song. Your mileage may vary and that’s okay.

 

TomKat Divorce

It wasn’t all that long ago…2005 to be exact…that Hollywood wackjob Tom Cruise made a complete ass of himself jumping up & down like a lunatic on the couch of Satan’s favorite talk show host Oprah. He was a man in love. He had apparently been a closet Dawson’s Creek fan just like your humble Potentate of Profundity, but unlike me he had the means to successfully woo innocent little Joey Potter from Capeside and lure her into his cult. He got her knocked up and then they got married (the order in which most relationships seem to go nowadays). Flash ahead to 2012 when apparently Katie Holmes finally woke up and figured out “Hey…I’m Joey freakin’ Potter!! I don’t have to put up with this crap.” So now the two are divorced and vying for the affection of their little daughter Suri, whose gig as the voice of the iPhone has got to keep her pretty busy. Dear Katie: I am available and I am a Methodist…think you can handle that??

 

Limbaugh Slut Controversy

In February a Georgetown law student spoke to members of Congress about health care. In essence she stated that birth control should be free and that during her years at Georgetown Law School she’d spent about $3000 on birth control when it should have been covered under the student health plan. It is my understanding that this student referenced friends that needed contraceptive medication for legitimate health issues, but didn’t say that she herself had been spending thousands of dollars due to medical necessity. My man Rush Limbaugh picked up on the story and pontificated aloud that a woman wanting free contraceptives and spending that much on them must be having a lot of sex, which would make her a slut. He said a bunch of other provocative stuff too, and predictably the liberal drive-by media was all over it. The NOW gang and a posse of other libs started calling for Rush’s head on a platter. Rush lost a few advertisers. Even some so-called Republicans turned on him. The controversy brewed for a few weeks. Eventually Rush apologized, and he weathered the storm like he always does.

 

iPhone 5 vs. Samsung Galaxy SIII

Who rules the cell phone world?? Those little toys have certainly come a long way in a short time, to the point where almost everyone, from grade schoolers to grandparents, has one. And while there is no shortage of carriers and phones, in 2012 the battle for the top spot came down to two contenders. The latest generation iPhone became available in September and sported a slightly bigger screen amongst other improvements. However, four months earlier Samsung had made an impact on the market with the Galaxy SIII, which is a huge phone. A little too big in my opinion. I briefly tried the Samsung, but had owned an iPhone 3GS for three years and was just so used to that format that I returned the Galaxy in favor of the 5. My sister and nephews all have the Galaxy though and really like it. It’s all good. And as long as there is stiff competition then we the customers should ultimately benefit.

 

Gangnam Style

This is a song accompanied by some sort of goofy dance. It was done by a Korean dude that no one had ever heard of and who will probably never do anything notable ever again. It’s one of those crazes like The Macarena, Madonna’s Vogue, The Dougie, The Lean Back, and The Hammer Dance that periodically take America by storm for a few months until we get bored and find something new & shiny to entertain us. The Korean dude appeared during a skit on SNL in October and I honestly had no idea why the audience was going wild. I’m old & out of touch like that, which is fine by me.

 

Bath Salts

Up until a couple of years ago I thought bath salts were something that women bought at the chick store at the mall that has all the smelly stuff & candles. Maybe at one time that was the case. However, more recently the most common usage of bath salts is in reference to a synthetic drug that apparently totally wacks people out. In 2012 usage of bath salts seemed to grow exponentially, especially here in West Virginia. Just 5 minutes from my home a “head shop” was busted by the feds last spring after selling hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of the stuff. WV leads the nation in bath salts usage and my city is…was…the epicenter. Wow…what an honor. Personally I am not into drugs. My parents taught me better and I’ve always figured that I’d be the unlucky SOB whose heart would explode if I ever smoked crack, shot heroine, or snorted coke. On top of that I have seen how drugs can wreck lives and slowly kill people. No thank you…not this kid. I’ll stick with skim milk and copious amounts of chocolate.

 

Honey Boo-Boo

Is this what The Learning Channel has become?? I’ve never watched this show and likely never will. Reality TV just isn’t my thing. But apparently it’s about some little girl who competes in those hideous child beauty pageants and her redneck family. I’ve heard numerous people say that the show is absolutely hilarious, but personally my standards are higher. Your mileage may vary, but may I suggest turning off the television occasionally and reading a book??

 

Clint Eastwood at the RNC

Eastwood is a rarity…a Republican in Hollywood. There might be more than we know about but they are so legitimately concerned that they might have their careers derailed by the leftist elite power brokers that they hide their conservative values, like straight men who like Air Supply or how Bruce Wayne doesn’t tell anyone he’s Batman. Anyway, Eastwood was asked to give a speech at the Republican National Convention last summer, and while I personally thought he was amusing the liberal drive-by media immediately jumped all over the performance. They blasted Mr. Eastwood for utilizing an empty chair and pretending like he was interviewing President Obama. Was it unconventional?? Yes. Might it have been better if he’d prepared a speech rather than going off-the-cuff?? Probably. Was it offensive?? Only to those who constantly fellatiate Obama and think he does no wrong.

 

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

Chick-Fil-A.  Fast food & sociopolitical commentary don’t usually intertwine, but one’s attitude about Chick-Fil-A in 2012 was an 394422_4040790630650_2102781277_nindicator not only of whether or not a person likes a yummy chicken sammich, but where they stand on some very important issues. There are people who have chosen never to give their business to the place ever again, while there are others that proudly stood up not only for the values espoused but the freedom to express them. Whether or not you or I eat at Chick-Fil-A and why we make that choice doesn’t really matter all that much on the surface. It’s a restaurant. There are thousands of them. Three restaurants within a mile of The Bachelor Palace have closed up shop within the past 6 months and it had absolutely no impact on my life. But the reasons for the controversy…our cultural outlook on same sex marriage vs. traditional marriage as it was designed by God and our thought process on Constitutional rights…are extremely important matters that have helped define America and will shape its future for better or worse.

 

adeleSinger Taylor Swift was originally scheduled to perform in this spot, but she broke up with atleast 3 guys in the past week and canceled on us after suddenly becoming inspired to write her next two albums. So it is our pleasure to welcome, singing two of her top hits Set Fire to the Rain and Rolling in the Deep, British songstress Adele.

 

charlie-sheenTo present our next award The Manofesto is proud to welcome back last year’s winner of the Sammy for Assclown of AtGfFHaCEAAxY80.jpg largethe Year, actor & provocateur Charlie Sheen, and a guy who knows a thing or two about bad movies (he’ll never live down Hudson Hawk), actor Bruce Willis, And the nominees are:

 

 

Worst Movie

 

Ted

I sincerely wanted to like Ted, a story about a boy who receives a stuffed bear for Christmas and then wishes that the bear would “come to life” ala Frosty the Snowman. The boy’s wish is granted and he grows up with the living stuffed animal as his constant companion until the relationship starts to complicate things in his adult life. Ted has some legitimately funny moments, and anytime Hollywood comes up with a unique idea rather than just another tired old clichéd retread I like to give credit where credit is due. However, I should have known that anything from the mind of Family Guy creator and voice artist Seth McFarlane would take a creative & potentially hilarious concept and infuse it with a plethora of low class, raunchy potty humor. I’m no prude, but honestly this film could have been so entertaining without going in that direction. It’s lazy, classless, and caters to the lowest common denominator. I am stunned that Star Trek: TNG’s Patrick Stewart agreed to “narrate” such crude vulgarity.

 

Rock of Ages

I have to be honest…I didn’t hate this film. As a child of the 80’s I enjoyed the music immensely. There were pretty good covers of songs by the likes of Night Ranger, Poison, Foreigner, Pat Benatar, REO Speedwagon, Journey, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, & Def Leppard, among others. Tom Cruise’s performance as a kind of Axl Rose/Jim Morrison hybrid is actually quite brilliant. However, the movie as a whole leans toward being rather cheesy. The story is forgettable and the rest of the cast, including the normally superb Alec Baldwin & Paul Giamatti, the irritatingly unfunny Russell Brand, and a horribly miscast Catherine Zeta-Jones do nothing to save the calamity.

 

American Reunion

I enjoyed the original American Pie immensely. It ranks 72nd of my 100 Favorite Movies. American Pie 2 was bland & forgettable, but the franchise rebounded with a third film, 2003’s American Wedding. So here we are 9 years later and the powers-that-be decided to squeeze one last drop from the cash cow. It would have made total sense if it’d happened three years ago. Most high school classes have a 10 year reunion, right?? The fact that this is a 13 year reunion is clumsily taken into account in the course of the story, but unfortunately it is too little too late. There is a distinct lack of creativity here. To a large degree very few of these characters have grown up, changed, or emotionally evolved over the past 13 years. This is especially noticeable with the character of Stifler, who is still just as obnoxious as a 30 year old as he was as a teenager. It isn’t realistic. Couldn’t some talented scribe have written a script where these characters have gone through the natural maturation process but at the same time created a funny story as well?? I guess not. There was one interesting choice that I am still kind of ambivalent about. In the story Jim’s mother has died. I am not sure killing off a character in a rom-com franchise is really wise or necessary, but on the other hand it is realistic (I lost my own Mom in my late 20’s) and it enabled the pairing of Jim’s Dad with Stifler’s Mom, and that is the best part of the movie.

 

The Three Stooges

Is it funny?? Kinda sorta. But instead of just being a new Stooges movie it kind of feels like three dudes doing impressions of the original Stooges. Some things simply cannot or should not be remade, revived, or reinvented. The Three Stooges were legends of a certain era, and thankfully we can pop in a DVD and see their stuff anytime we like. To transport the concept to modern times with new actors just doesn’t quite work despite a solid & spirited effort.

 

That’s My Boy

Long time citizens of The Manoverse may have noticed that the category of Worst Movie is new to The Sammy Awards. Your humble Potentate of Profundity has never seen a reason for it because I have been blessed with good taste and am normally smart enough to not shell out money for a bad movie. Part of me wants to believe that there isn’t any such thing as a bad movie. You go to the theater, buy a ticket, grab some popcorn, a vat of cola, & a box of Goobers, and escape from reality for a couple of hours. That is inherently a good thing. In hindsight maybe the movie wasn’t as funny as it could have been or didn’t live up to lofty expectations & preconceived notions, but at the end of the day there were certainly a lot worse things you could have spent a chunk of your day doing. However, in 2012 Adam Sandler singlehandedly destroyed this lifelong sanguine notion within 2 hours. My friend The Owl had tried to warn me that there was nothing funny about rape, statutory or otherwise. What he doesn’t know is that this piece of garbage throws in some incest for good measure. In 40 years on the planet I have never left the theater in the middle of a movie, mostly because if I’ve paid for something I’m going to see it thru to the end (I don’t leave a ball game in the 3rd quarter or the 7th inning, and I don’t leave a concert early to beat the traffic), but honestly I came very very close to ditching this crapfest. Sandler’s movies have never been accused of being refined or artistic, but atleast flicks like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, & The Waterboy were funny and had a heart. That’s My Boy has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

 

The Five Year Engagement

I am a big fan of How I Met Your Mother’s Jason Segal, star of last year’s Sammy Award winning film The Muppet Movie. I also enjoy a good rom-com. Those things combined with the fetching charm of British siren Emily Blunt should have been ingredients for a pleasant little escape. Sadly though the writers took a fine premise and tried to squeeze a bit too much out of it. It’s certainly not a horrible film, but it’s like a great steak that is left under the broiler just a wee bit too long and comes out somewhat flavorful but also a bit overdone. On the bright side there is a standout supporting performance by the lovely Alison Brie, who should become a big star any day now.

 

A Christmas Story 2

We all watch the 1983 original every Christmas. It’s a beloved holiday classic. Making a direct-to-video sequel three decades later was just not a good idea. It’s not creative and it’s not funny.

 

The Campaign

I had high hopes. Logically the combined comedic talents of Will Ferrell (Anchorman, Old School, Elf) & Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover Trilogy) should have been a no-brainer. But this tale of a long time Congressman being challenged by a dimwitted milquetoast just fell flat. Ferrell has perfected his vain, misogynistic, offensively cocky doofus shtick over the years, but he has done it so much better in other films. This time it felt like he kind of mailed it in. The Galifianakis character is irritating at best. I will give kudos to Dylan McDermott (the guy who used to be in ABC’s The Practice and starred in the 1994 remake of Miracle on 34th Street) because he is surprisingly amusing in a supporting role. It’s like the producers of the movie couldn’t decide if they wanted to do a traditional comedy or a piercing political satire, and at the end of the day the result is tepid on both ends.

 

And the Sammy goes to…..

That’s My Boy. This movie was not only the worst movie of 2012, but should receive strong consideration for the worst movie in 2012_thats_my_boy_002the history of movies. I seriously do not know what in the world Adam Sandler was thinking. I don’t know how this steaming pile of dung ever got greenlit in the first place. No one expects Oscar caliber Shakespearean gravitas from Sandler, and that’s okay. The world needs some frivolity on occasion, but even mindless entertainment should have some standards.

 

 

 

This seems like the appropriate place to take a break. Please join us this weekend for Part II of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!

 

 

 

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These Are a Few of My Favorite Words

Words are things, and a small drop of ink,

Falling, like dew, upon a thought produces

That which makes thousands, perhaps millions think.

Lord Byron

 

A photographer is fond of visual prompts like light & contrast. A musician appreciates tones, chords, & rhythm. As a writer all I have are words. But words, when used effectively, can paint a beautiful picture and sing a lovely song. Author Rudyard Kipling called words “the most powerful drug used by mankind”. Aldous Huxley…the man who wrote the dystopian masterpiece Brave New World…said that “Words can be like X-rays if you use them properly – they’ll go through anything. You read and you’re pierced.” Over the years I have developed an affinity for certain words. They don’t have to be long words with lots of letters. I am not out to impress anybody, and oftentimes the old acronym “Keep It Simple Stupid” is a really good rule to follow. However, there are certain words that just speak to my soul and express my thoughts & ideas in such a way that it warms my heart. Of course no one single word can tell a story. It really does “take a village” of phrases to complete the picture. But just like a football team looks to get off to a good start and build momentum toward an eventual victory, a great word can provide the impetus a writer needs to successfully complete the mission. So, here complete with definitions and maybe an observation or two, are a few words that this humble Potentate of Profundity likes to keep in my mind’s pantry as staple ingredients in the fun, informative, & thought-provoking recipes readers of The Manofesto enjoy on a regular basis.

 

 

 

 

eclectic                                               

composed of elements drawn from various sources, not following any one system but selecting & using what are considered the best elements of all systems

I have used this word often to describe my own personality & interests. Eclectic means a person cannot be pigeonholed or viewed thru an oversimplified prism. That’s a good thing.

 

 

effervescent                     

vivacious, lively, sparkling, marked by high spirits or excitement

I don’t like bubbly people. Bubbly people annoy me. But I think one can be effervescent without being bubbly. It’s such a happy word. Double FF?? V?? Yes please.

 

 

euphemism                                      

the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant

I use this word a lot…and I use euphemisms themselves a lot. Afterall, we wouldn’t want to offend anybody, right??

 

 

flummoxed                                       

to bewilder, confound, confuse

My man Rush Limbaugh uses this word a lot. Words with “x” are an uncommon joy, so anything with a double x has to be cool.

 

 

facetious                                            

not meant to be taken seriously or literally, joking or jesting often inappropriately

I use this word a lot in my everyday life, maybe because I try not to take things to seriously and like to joke around.

 

 

hyperbole                                          

obvious & intentional exaggeration

This is a very nice way of saying “bullshit”, and that comes in handy when one is trying to be polite & professional.

 

 

obdurate                                            

stubbornly persistent in wrongdoing, resistant to persuasion or softening influences, unyielding, resistant to moral influence, persistently impenitent

I ran into this word when reading Stephen King’s 11/22/63 (a great novel). The protagonist has gone back in time to stop some bad things from happening (trust me…read the book) and feels like there is literally some sort of living force that wants to prevent him from doing so, and he often repeats “The past is obdurate…it does not want to be changed”.

 

 

ostentatious                                     

characterized by or given to pretentious or conspicuous show in an attempt to impress others, marked by or fond of vainglorious display

Sure you could go with the more common obnoxious or gaudy, but why??

 

 

plethora                                             

overabundance, excess, profusion

This is probably my very favorite word. Readers of The Manofesto have likely noticed that I make copious use of it.

 

poppycock         

nonsense, senseless chatter

Hmmm…another nice way of saying bullshit. This is instructive. We can glean two things from poppycock & hyperbole being on this list – I think a lot of people are full of crap, but I search for pleasant ways to tell them.

 

 

ponder                                                

to think about, reflect on, weigh in the mind, appraise

I use this word a lot too, almost as much as plethora. Pondering sounds so much deeper than just thinking.

 

 

profundity         

deep insight, great depth of knowledge or thought, the quality or state of being profound or deep

Well afterall, I do call myself the Potentate of Profundity!!

 

 

prosaic                                                

everyday or ordinary, commonplace or dull, matter-of-fact or unimaginative

A pre-botoxed Meg Ryan uses this term in 1998’s You’ve Got Mail (#48 of my 100 Favorite Movies). It’s a refined way of saying boring, and I must admit that the fact that it might be confusing to a good many people who have no idea what it means appeals to my dark side.

 

 

quirky                                  

strikingly unconventional, odd, unusual, eccentric, idiosyncratic, curious, peculiar

First of all, it’s a “q” word, and those are almost always cool. I think there is something unique & mysterious about the letters Q and Z. Secondly, quirky is usually used in a positive way. If one intends a negative connotation they use weird or strange, but describing someone as quirky is generally meant as a term of endearment. I like quirky people. They march to the beat of a different drummer. They aren’t just inhabitants of The Island of Misfit Toys…they own the distinction and don’t apologize for it.

 

 

sardonic                                              

disdainfully or skeptically humorous, derisively mocking, characterized by bitter or scornful derision

Because there is so much to be scornful of & mock!!

 

 

solitude                                                              

the state of being or living alone, the quality or state of being alone or remote from society

There is a fine line between solitude & loneliness. One is positive, one is negative. Solitude is the joy of being alone…loneliness is the pain of being alone. I get lonely sometimes, but more often than not I happily embrace my solitude.

 

 

superfluous                                      

unnecessary or needless

As are most things in life, right?? Especially most of the stuff we have convinced ourselves that we just cannot live without.

 

 

tranquility                         

calmness, peacefulness, quiet, serenity, a disposition free from stress or emotion, an untroubled state

Peace, as I have written, has a much deeper meaning than we typically utilize. So to describe the kind of worldly peace we are usually seeking or atleast trying to converse about, why not use another cool “q” word??

 

 

veracity                                                               

habitual observance of truth in speech or statement, devotion to the truth, power of conveying or perceiving truth, correctness or accuracy

Truth rocks. And why use plain ol’ accuracy when this word is so much cooler??

 

 

wistful                                                 

characterized by melancholy, longing, yearning, musingly sad

I love this word. I am, as the song says, a sentimental fool as well as someone who likes to reflect on & remember happier times. Nostalgia is cool.

 

 

zeitgeist                                             

the general intellectual, moral, and cultural climate of an era, the spirit of the time, the taste & outlook characteristic of a period or generation

One of the most awesome words in the English language, and criminally underutilized.

 

 

 

Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia Woolf

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A Pirates Fan Looks At 40

 

When one has a forum like this one feels obligated to comment on certain events and topics du jour. I mean really…why else would one have a blog, right?? And so I am duty-bound to pontificate on the milestone that is my 40th birthday.

 

I am not sure when or why turning 40 became this mythical landmark of epic proportions since it wasn’t all that long ago that 40 was old because people died quite young of a plethora of maladies, while these days more & more people live into their 90’s so 40 isn’t always “middle age”.  However, when one considers a couple of things I guess it kind of makes sense. First of all, even though it isn’t unusual for people to live into their 90’s the average American lifespan is still only 78 years, making 40 actually a bit past middle age (which is depressing). Secondly, and on a more esoteric level, by the time most folks are 40 the pathway of their life is pretty much set in stone. They are married or divorced or maybe even in their 2nd or 3rd marriage. They have children and possibly grandchildren. They are living where they are going to live because if they were going to relocate they likely would have done it long ago. Their careers…if they have what one can even consider a career…is on solid ground, whether that means an onward & upward trajectory or stuck perpetually in neutral. Their financial status is what it is going to be, whether that means they are secure or are likely to be continually poor. All this doesn’t mean that one’s life cannot significantly improve or change after 40, it just means that for the vast majority of people it is what it is, and the question becomes whether or not a person can accept and be happy with that or will choose to be unendingly dissatisfied and unhealthily miserable.

 

Personally I have waffled between those two choices for years but have finally begun to lean toward the former. I spent way too much time in my 20’s & 30’s beating myself up for poor choices both professional & personal. Would I like to have a wife & kids?? A high paying, satisfying, well-respected job?? A big fancy house and an awesome car?? Enough money to buy anything or go anywhere I want?? Sure…who wouldn’t?? However, when I look at things from a more positive perspective I can embrace how blessed I have truly been. I have a great family that I know I can count on. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and enough money to go out to dinner, see a movie, or keep Amazon.com in business. There are lots of folks who aren’t that fortunate. When I was 33 years old I spent 6 months in a “skilled” nursing facility and had the opportunity to see what true misery is like. My Dad would always comment that if there is a sadder place on Earth than a nursing home he couldn’t imagine what it might be. He also used to say to me that the difference between me and most everyone else in that horrible place was that eventually I would get to go home. That experience changed me forever, mostly in a positive way. I am much more appreciative of what I have now. I don’t believe anyone who says that they have no regrets. We all make mistakes and we’d all change a few things if we could go back in time. But Back to the Future was only a movie, and so we must move forward, hopefully making better choices and learning from past mistakes. Each day…each moment…is a gift from God, and we should enjoy & embrace it.

 

I can think of no better way to mark this historic occasion than to revisit my bucket list. “You have a bucket list??” Yes…yes I do. About 5 years ago my friend Slack (who needs to get his head out of his tookas and start writing again by the way) did a list he called 45 Things to Do Before I’m 45. At the time he was approaching 40, and I have no idea how he ended up doing on his list (I’m an awful friend). I decided to do my own list (written from the confines of a hospital bed) which was first published on the old MySpace blog and then re-released here a few years ago. Well, as Bon Jovi might say, I’m halfway there, so I suppose now is a good time to re-evaluate and see where I stand. Unfortunately the results aren’t as good as I’d prefer.

 

 

 

Stuff I’ve Done

8. Get a dog

23. Eliminate credit card debt

36. Volunteer at a literacy organization

I have had my beautiful pug Rocco for 4 years now and he is the light of my life. Seriously…for anyone without kids I would highly recommend getting a dog. I also began volunteering for the local Literacy Volunteers organization about 4 years ago and now serve on their board of directors. I don’t really do much tutoring for a variety of reasons, but I am more than comfortable with my level of involvement. Five years ago I had significant (atleast for me) credit card debt for no real good reason, but have now got everything paid off.

 

 

Stuff I Am Unlikely To Do

1. Get married

2. Buy a house

3. Spread my seed

9. Rebuild my nest egg

12. Attend the Super Bowl

24. Atleast pass thru all 50 states (9 down, 41 to go)

I have finally come to accept the fact that I am unlikely to ever get married or have children. I am not rich & successful nor buff & sexy enough to satisfy the expectations of your average 21st century American woman. And since I doubt if there will ever be a wife or kids I see no need to invest in a house. Houses are for families, not single men. Due to my own poor choices and the fact that West Virginia’s economy went in the tank decades before the rest of America caught up it is unlikely that I will ever have a good enough job to have much of a nest egg, but I do trust that God will always make provision for my daily bread. I know people with lots of money who are still completely miserable, so to be honest it’s really not all that important to me to have a boatload of cash. This lack of resources combined with some other factors has convinced me that it is doubtful that I’ll ever see all 50 states. Ever since an auto accident about 15 years ago I don’t even enjoy driving down the street, let alone traveling the country in a car. Plus, I honestly believe that an adventure like driving across the country is something a person needs to do while they are young and have no responsibilities. A guy I used to work with did it right after he graduated from college, and I have always thought that was profoundly smart of him. Once a person gets a job or a family traipsing about like some kind of vagabond just isn’t an option. And even though I LOVE football and always watch the Super Bowl on TV I realize now that the chances of me ever attending in person are slim. The logistics just aren’t favorable. The vast majority of tickets are bought by corporate entities, and the small amount that are released to the public cost thousands of dollars, and that’s not even taking into consideration the cost of flights, hotels, food, etc. No thank you. I’ll just hang out here in The Bachelor Palace and watch it on my hi-def flat screen.

 

 

Stuff I’ve Lost Interest In

7. Continue my education (masters degree? law school? film school?)

38. Learn about home brewing beer

I long ago began to question the value of my bachelor’s degree, which hasn’t really helped me all that much in the job market, so why would I waste time & money to go back into academia?? Looking back I think the 4 years I spent in college may have been more wisely used traveling, maturing, and figuring out what I wanted do with my life. Instead it was spent drinking way too much and attending classes that never really prepared me for anything. And speaking of drinking, I haven’t had a beer in years. It’s just not my thing anymore. I’m more of a bottled water or skim milk kind of guy. The whole home brewing idea sounded way cool several years ago, but now I can think of a ton of things I’d rather spend my time doing.

 

 

Stuff I Think I Can Get Done

4. Become more well versed in The Bible

5. Complete & submit for sale my movie screenplay

6. Lose about 50-75 lbs.

10. Go to Vegas…11. Fly in an airplane…15. See the ocean…18. Take a cruise…21. Visit NY City…26. Go to the real 221B Baker St. in London…29. Be in Boston down by the Charles River watching the Boston Pops on July 4th…31. Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square…32. Attend the Indianapolis 500…34. Visit Italy…37. Attend The Kentucky Derby…39. Go to Mardi Gras…40. Attend an NCAA basketball Final Four…42. Go to The Jimmy Stewart Museum in Indiana, PA…43. Attend a major college bowl game (Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta, Cotton)… 45. See the Grand Canyon

13. Read the entire Shakespeare canon

14. Take a ride in a hot air balloon

16. Learn about astronomy

17. Write a novel

19. Get a job that I enjoy and can stay at for the biggest part of the next 30 years

20. Study photography

22. Learn about and begin the practice of fasting

25. Buy a suit specially tailored for me

27. Ride a train

28. Eat caviar

30. Try out for Jeopardy!

33. Become a decent chess player

35. Become a sufficient, competent, maybe even semi-talented culinary craftsman

41. Learn sign language

44. Work for a political campaign

A few of these things are in progress, and a few are kind of open ended. What does becoming well-versed in The Bible even mean?? I know I need to read & study more, but does there ever come a time when one can say “I’m done. I got it. I know it all.”?? I do feel like I am a better Christian than  I was 5 years ago, but again, I doubt if I’ll ever get to the point where I have it all figured out. I am in the midst of a weight loss effort, having lost over 22 lbs. since July 2012. But since I started on that journey about 60 lbs. bigger than when I originally wrote this list doesn’t that mean I have to lose over 100 lbs. to fulfill the original goal?? Math makes my head hurt. Anyway, I am working on it and doing okay. I have the entire Shakespeare canon here in my library at The Bachelor Palace, and I have formulated a plan to complete this goal and share my thoughts at The Manofesto. Expect that in 2013. The travel stuff is kind of complicated but I still hope to do it all eventually. I had plans of finally seeing the ocean this past summer, but circumstances changed. I sincerely hope to do it next summer though. Vegas & Italy are still dream destinations, with Vegas being something I could conceivably do right now if I could ever talk anyone into going with me. Of course if/when I make it to either place I’d be doing so in an airplane, and I happen to know a couple of places in Vegas that serve caviar so that’d knock out a few more goals. It is very likely that the Vegas trip would include a visit to The Grand Canyon as well. The Jimmy Stewart Museum is only a few hours from me, just north of Pittsburgh. Unfortunately my driving phobia has prevented me from making the trip, but I’ll make it someday. NY City, Mardi Gras, London (where one would find 221B Baker St.), and Boston (for the July 4th celebration) are destinations dependent upon convincing others to go with me as well, simply because I don’t think going alone would be as much fun not to mention rather unsafe, and since I don’t have a lot of friends with ample time, money, or similar interests it is kind of a tough sell, but I haven’t given up. Attending an NCAA Final Four, the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, or a major bowl game may seem analogous to The Super Bowl, but I think they are slightly more…accessible, which is why I haven’t given up on those ideas quite yet. I honestly haven’t worked on my movie screenplay or novel in a long long time, but that is just a lack of discipline on my part. I still have ideas floating around in my head…I just need to put the time & effort into developing them. I have been pondering the fasting idea for awhile now, and it would obviously dovetail quite nicely with my weight loss (although that is NOT the reason one should fast). I actually attended a balloon festival with my friend The Owl in Columbus, OH this past summer (which is where I ended up vacationing instead of the beach), but the rides were cost prohibitive and I need to do a little more preparation & research about accessibility, although I have done enough to know it is definitely possible. There was a brief window of opportunity to take a sign language class a couple of years ago but I failed to jump on it. I keep my eyes open for other chances though. It’s definitely doable. I almost had myself convinced to get involved in this year’s political campaigns, both on a local & national level, but to be perfectly frank I got lazy. Shame on me. I guess I haven’t found a candidate that I truly believe in enough to spend my limited time & energy. But hey, the opportunity is there every couple of years, right?? I can’t honestly say I am much of a cook. I watch a lot of the Food Network, but just don’t have the inclination, the space, or the resources to actually get into doing it myself. Or maybe I am just being lazy again. I think I have figured out that the only job I could get that would truly make me satisfied down deep in my core is being a writer. So the question I have to ask myself is this…does writing The Manofesto fulfill the requirement?? On a practical level the answer is no simply because I am not getting paid to do this and I still have to go out into the workforce and endure the daily grind in order to pay the bills. But in another sense I am happy to have this outlet and feel that it has become a very important part of my life.

 

I kind of feel like I had my mid-life crisis in my mid-20’s and am very thankful for that. My life hasn’t turned out the way I might have hoped for when I was 19 years old, but how many people can honestly say all their dreams have come true?? I accept full responsibility for everything I have screwed up, and give all the glory to God for how well things have turned out despite me constantly getting in the way. I can’t call myself content or satisfied, and I consider that a good thing because it keeps me alert and forces me to be aware of opportunities to improve. But I can honestly call myself happy and thankful for my many blessings.

 

 

 

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Hall of Influence – Class 3

Before I bestow the honor of being inducted into the Hall of Influence on new members, let us first refresh the collective memory and recall who has already been previously enshrined. On 9/27/09 the inaugural member was my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. Then five months later in February 2010 we inducted The Rooney Family (owners of my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers), the greatest fictional detective of all time Sherlock Holmes & his creator author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and The Chairman of the Board Frank Sinatra.

 

Today we celebrate three new honorees from the worlds of music, literature, and politics.

 

While Mr. Sinatra always did and still does seem to get most of the attention & respect of fans of mid-20th century popular music, I submit that there is another member of the legendary Rat Pack that deserves just as much admiration for his immense talent and unmistakably smooth, rich baritone. That man was born Dino Crochetti in 1917 just a couple of hours up the highway in Steubenville, OH, but we all know him better as Dean Martin. Dino was the very definition of multi-talented. He could sing, he could act, and he was what I like to call quietly funny. Lots of people…Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, etc…are hilarious in a sort of loud, obnoxious, crude way, and that is fine. Whatever works. But I tend to be drawn to humor that is more casual, caustic, & low-key, probably because it reflects my own personality. Martin honed his comic chops while working as zany partner Jerry Lewis’ “straight man” in the 40’s & 50’s and perfected his shtick as part of the Rat Pack in the 60’s. He also conquered the world of films, starring in over 50 movies…everything from screwball comedies with Lewis to war dramas to westerns. Then he became a television star in the 70’s. However, it is the music that has stood the test of time. About 15 years ago I was in the car with my sister driving to a family dinner. I put a CD in and the soothing sounds of Dino emanated from the speakers. My sibling looked at me strangely and said “Oh my God…you’re turning into Dad”. At the time I just chuckled & shook it off. Now I realize that it might be one of the best compliments given me in my lifetime, not only because my father is undoubtedly among the finest men I’ve ever known, but also because somewhere along the line I was taught to appreciate good music and respect the wonderful gifts that God bequeaths to his children.

 

Our second honoree is one of the best writers that America has ever produced. Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain, wrote some of the greatest books of the 19th century, and 150 years later most of them are still being read by millions of appreciative bibliophiles. Works like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, and Pudd’nhead Wilson have left an indelible mark on the hearts & minds of readers everywhere, including your humble Potentate of Profundity. His writing is an interesting marriage of humor & societal contempt that I adore. Twain himself is a true piece of Americana, having grown up on the shores of the Mississippi River and tried his hand at a fascinating variety of gigs, including riverboat pilot, newspaper reporter, gold miner, and printing apprentice. Everything I have ever read by & about Twain indicates that he was just the sort of fellow I might have gotten along with famously…witty, charming, and self-educated, with just the right mix of intellectual curiosity & wanderlust to fuel the creative juices. I have tremendous respect for almost any writer that manages to get their stuff published & read by the masses, and when those stories are still being enjoyed centuries later it is worthy of the deepest admiration.

 

The third and final new member of the Hall of Influence is the man I like to refer to as The Godfather of Conservatism. I am, of course, speaking about Rush Limbaugh. I grew up and still reside in the hardcore liberal state of West Virginia, where we hate rich people, love unions, and rely on the government to take care of our every need. My Dad has always voted a straight Democrat ticket, as did my grandfather. From a very young age I had an affinity for politics and fondly recall being fascinated by the memorable keynote address of New York Mayor Mario Cuomo at the 1984 Democrat National Convention when I was 12 years old. Then I went to college and met my friend Greg. Strangely enough Greg grew up just 15 minutes down the road, but we’d never met until the fall of 1991 when I was a resident advisor at Marshall University in my sophomore year and he was a freshman on my floor. Though we couldn’t be more different on the surface we quickly found out that we had much in common and were soon, as Forrest Gump might say, just like peas & carrots. I forget the exact circumstances and sequence of events, but it was Greg who first introduced me to Rush. At first I was reluctant. I don’t know how Greg managed to escape the Appalachian liberal indoctrination, but it was firmly entrenched in my mind that Republicans were mean, evil crooks that didn’t give a damn about poor people, and poor people were pretty much the only kind I knew. But I’m a bookworm who respects the opinions & recommendations of my friends, so when Greg gave me a copy of Rush’s first book, The Way Things Ought to Be, I gave it a whirl…and it changed my life. Everything Rush said made sense and the veil was lifted from my eyes. Rush taught me about conservatism and shed new light on things like media bias, the BS surrounding feminism, environmentalism, & racism, the truth about economics, and the value of liberty, rugged individualism, and self-reliance. In the ensuing 20+ years I have read Rush’s second book, See I Told You So, and for a long time was a regular listener of his radio show. In the past few years I have become less intensely involved in sociopolitical issues simply due to age, spiritual growth, and the conscious choice to concentrate on things that bring me more tranquility & quiet pleasure. However, I still listen in on occasion and would buy a new book by Rush in a heartbeat. I wholeheartedly agree with most of what he says, and become aggravated by those who criticize him without really reading or listening to what he says versus what others say about him. My only regret is that I was not exposed to conservatism far earlier in my life. I sincerely believe in the greatness of our nation and that, even though not everyone will succeed, everyone has the opportunity to succeed if they are taught the right values, provided access to the proper tools, and given the freedom to attempt to succeed. That is the biggest problem with government – so many people never really try, because not only are they taught that they aren’t good enough, smart enough, good looking enough, or rich enough, but they are taught that these deficiencies aren’t an issue because they’ll be taken care of no matter what. No need to overcome obstacles, no need to make tough choices, no need to go out on a limb and try something outside the comfort zone – just sit tight and let Big Brother pay your bills, put food on the table, and take care of everything from clothing to housing to medical expenses and it’s only getting worse. There’s only so much a lone radio host can do to fight this moral & ethical decay, but for over two decades Rush has done more to combat such destructive attitudes than anyone could have ever expected, and for that I salute the man.

 

 

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