Hard Covid Christmas

Normally I take pride in having mostly decent taste in various things…music, books, movies, etc. Having said that, we all have our guilty pleasures, right?? For me one such private shame is the 1982 film The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. I attribute my affection to two things: 1) Burt Reynolds, who at the time was the biggest movie star in the world and had starred in other movies I enjoyed like Smokey & The Bandit, Hooper, and The Cannonball Run, and 2) boobs, which were enticing to my pre-pubescent brain. Now y’all know I’m not a fan of country music, but it’s not all bad, and this particular movie had a song called Hard Candy Christmas that became a Top 10 hit for Dolly Parton. For some strange reason (I’ve given up trying to understand my weirdness and just go with it) the song popped into my head recently and I’ve decided it needs a timely parody. Enjoy.

 

 

Hey, maybe I’ll wash my hands

Maybe I’ll cancel plans

Maybe I’ll get in the car

And just sit in the driveway eating a snack

Cause to the office I can’t go back

 

Maybe I’ll sleep real late

I’ll definitely gain some weight

Maybe I’ll just get drunk

I’ll probably eat junk food & binge watch TV

I guess I’ll practice…

 

Social distancing

Lord, it’s like a hard Covid Christmas

I need more info about contact tracing

But still I won’t let

Fauci bring me way down

 

I’ll refrain from panic buying

Lord, it’s like a hard Covid Christmas

I’m barely leaving the house

And when I do

We’ll keep six feet apart

 

Hey, haven’t we flattened the curve

I think big hugs are what we deserve

Maybe I’ll shop on Amazon

Maybe I’ll put my mask on my face

No one wants to be a positive case

 

I’m trying not to get down

But I wish I could leave town

I know I’m not having fun

Maybe I’ll see if I can meet someone online

I guess I’ll stay away…

 

From super spreaders

Lord, it’s like a hard Covid Christmas

Atleast I’ve got some toilet paper

And I’m thankful for

Contactless delivery

 

Thank God I’m asymptomatic

Lord, it’s like a hard Covid Christmas

I’m really sick of quarantine

I never thought I’d live

Thru a global pandemic