Chris Weinke

The Sammy Claus Wish List 2011

Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as chocolate, fast food, Facebook, & soap operas exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like being married to a Kardashian or cheering for the 2011 Indianapolis Colts. There would be no Internet then, no high definition television, no cute puppies to make tolerable this existence. We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in lower taxes & self-reliance!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Stevie Wonder nor The Who’s Tommy can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.

For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2011 edition of the Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.

 

 

Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh……….self control

 

 

Regis Philbin……………a very happy retirement

 

 

 

 

 

 

President Barack Hussein Obama………..crushing defeat in November & utter rejection by the American people of radical & destructive leftist philosophy

 

 

The Southeastern United States…….a mild 2012 hurricane & tornado season

 

 

Former Penn St. Assistant Coach

Jerry Sandusky……………….very slippery soap

 

 “Golden Voiced” Ted Williams……..continued sobriety, success, & happiness

 

Fans of The Kardashians………….better role models

 

Iraq………………….peace

 

The Cast of Harry Potter……..continuing relevance & achievement without being typecast or having to resort to desperate moves like hosting a game show or doing softcore porn on Cinemax

 

 

America…………………..more Jesus, less PC Godless liberalism

 

 

Heisman Winner Robert Griffin III…….a pro career more like Vinny Testaverde & Charles Woodson than Danny Wuerffel & Chris Weinke

 

 

My Family & Friends……………health, serenity, & dreams that come true

 

 

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day……………..a balmy 40 degrees with lots of sunshine. White Christmas can remain just a song & a movie.

 

 

My Alter Ego………………..the genuine Christian experience I have been seeking

 

 

New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick……………………a hoodie

 

 

Amazon.com……………………inspiration for an improved Kindle Fire 2

 

 

Vegas………..my presence in 2012!! You hear that Greg, The Owl, Sealey, & Slack??

 

 

 

 

 

 

I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:

“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give –  of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”

 

 

 

 

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