Candace Owens

2023 SAMMY AWARDS (PART III)

Annnnnnddddd we are back!! The Sammys are thrilled to kick Awards Season into high gear, as we give a spotlight to the highs & lows of 2023. Please check out Part 1 & Part 2, then come back for the exciting conclusion of our show.

Our host, Bert Kreischer, has some hilarious thoughts about Jameis Winston, Jimmy Kimmel, and Michelle Obama, and then it’s time to move on.

To present our next award we’re happy to welcome back an Emmy & Golden Globe winning and Oscar nominated actor as well as a fiery social media shit stirrer. Please give a rousing ovation to James Woods!! And the nominees are:

Favorite Movie

Shotgun Wedding
What do you get when you cross an action flick with a rom-com?? Apparently Die Hard at a Wedding. J-Lo has been a bride onscreen more than she has in real life, which one would think impossible. She’s charming, as is the rest of the ensemble, but it adds up to forgettable fluff. A promising premise & talented performers can’t quite save the production as a whole.

Champions
Woody Harrelson is a disgraced minor league pro basketball coach who receives community service after a DUI arrest. His assignment?? Coaching a special needs basketball team. The plot is rather predictable, including the redeemed coach inevitably getting an opportunity to move on to bigger & better things, the romance with a player‘s sister, and even a game winning shot at the end of the climactic ball game. However, it’s all quite amusing & affable so the cliches can be forgiven.

You People
When a young black woman introduces her white fiancé & his parents to her family it doesn’t go well. I get the whole culture clash thing. Race. Religion. The Generation Gap. Those subjects can be comedy gold mines…but they can also be land mines. With an ensemble that includes Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jonah Hill, Nia Long, and David Duchovny you’d be right to expect greatness, but the humor lacks subtlety. I feel like social commentary requires finesse, not a billy club.

Paint
Imagine beloved TV artist Bob Ross as a sensitive ladies’ man who bangs all of his female co-workers in the back of a van. Owen Wilson essentially cosplays Ross in this weird lil movie that I don’t hate but don’t quite get.

No Hard Feelings
Jennifer Lawrence is one of those actors that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t vibe with in real life, but her work can be rather delightful. Low key comedy is her wheelhouse, and in this rom-com she portrays a down-on-her-luck Uber driver struggling to make ends meet when a unique opportunity presents itself. A well-to-do couple hires her to romance their socially inept son before he heads off to college. It’s a vaguely inappropriate relationship on multiple levels, but somehow the movie ends up being mildly humorous & charming.

The Holdovers
A surly history teacher gets stuck overseeing a group of students who can’t make it home from their snooty boarding school during Christmas break. When all of the students except one receive an opportunity to leave the professor bonds with the troubled young man, as well as the school’s head cook, who recently lost her son in Vietnam.

Maestro
A biopic of legendary composer/pianist/conductor Leonard Bernstein. Bradley Cooper will undoubtedly receive an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor, but the movie is kind of dull.

Wonka
If you’re a fan of the 1971 classic Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (or the 2005 remake starring Johnny Depp), based on the 1964 book Charlie & The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, this is a prequel origin story for the character. Is it as good as its predecessor?? That’s difficult to determine in the moment and probably an unfair yet inevitable comparison. It is delightful enough, but not quite as enigmatic. I suppose we’ll be able to make a better assessment in a decade or two.

Jesus Revolution
Based on a true story about an evangelical movement led by hippies in 1960s California. I think it’s the kind of movie that you need to watch a few times to really absorb the message. I’m a big Kelsey Grammar fan, but his role isn’t as significant as one might assume.

Best Christmas Ever
When a moderately unhappy couple & their two children are inadvertently snowbound at the posh home of an old college frienemy, silly yet heartwarming hijinks ensue. The cast is likable enough, but it’s about a half step above a Hallmark movie, with less romance and some alleged comedy thrown into the recipe.

and the Sammy goes to…..

The Holdovers. It’s not a traditional Christmas movie, but we are presented with a mellow concoction that takes full advantage of its ingredients, unlike some of the more boisterous competition. Academy Award winning director Alexander Payne and Emmy & Golden Globe winner Paul Giamatti first teamed up two decades ago for the delightful Sideways, and though this movie is more melancholy and shares cinematic DNA with the 1989 Robin Williams classic Dead Poets Society, it is nevertheless a worthy metamorphosis.

Here at The Sammys we always hope to entertain the masses with a fair-minded, non-controversial appreciation of the past year, and one thing we love is music. So, get up on your feet and dance in the aisles as we welcome, here to perform his #1 hit Try That in a Small Town, quadruple platinum selling artist Jason Aldean!!

Thank you Jason!! We don’t even like country music around here, but it never hurts to shake up the formula occasionally. To present the final award of the evening it is an immense pleasure to welcome back author & outspoken commentator Candace Owens!! And the nominees are:

Biggest News Story

Biden’s Classified Documents
Last January more than two dozen classified documents dating back to Joe Biden’s time as a Senator & Vice President were found haphazardly stored in an office and in his garage. Whereas, in a similar circumstance, former President Trump’s home was raided by the FBI as if he’d committed a heinous crime, Biden’s situation was presented as no big deal and has been largely forgotten.

Ohio Train Derailment
In early February 2023 a Norfolk Southern freight train carrying hazardous materials derailed in East Palestine, OH, affecting water & air quality and the health of thousands of residents. Federal response was weak, and of the two individuals who will likely be vying for the White House in the very near future, only one appeared to give a damn.

Ukraine
I won’t pretend to be an expert on foreign politics. I will opine that neither country or their “leaders” appear to be good guys, and the billions of dollars U.S. taxpayers are involuntarily sending to Ukraine seem more like kickbacks that are somehow filtered into the pockets of certain politicians. International relations cannot be ignored….I get that. However, I believe in helping our own citizens before funneling money to fund a war in which the United States is not directly involved.

Gender Ideology
To each their own. Live & let live. However, it is odd that the same people who preached “follow the science” during the Covid Pandemic are so willing to toss aside biology. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness that should be treated as such. Especially when it comes to children, such instances need to be confronted with compassion & kindness, but surely that can be done without indulging a grade schooler to the point that they irrevocably alter their life on multiple levels.

Trump Indicted
In 2023 former President Trump faced multiple indictments on nearly a hundred charges ranging from falsifying business documents to mishandling of classified documents to answering for January 6, 2021, an event that some leftists have tried to sell as being more tragic than WWII & 9/11. Clearly all of it is a pathetic attempt by The Establishment and their cronies in the media to hinder Trump’s 2024 Presidential campaign. The sad thing is it just might work, despite the charges being way overblown. No one is saying Donald Trump is a terrific human being, but those that have spent the last several years trying to destroy him are pure evil.

Speaker of the House
Their policies may be hot garbage, but atleast Democrats are unified. At a time when the country is worn out by Covid & its aftermath, billions of dollars being sent to Ukraine, leftist agendas on climate change, identity politics, & racial division, and inflation, one could fairly assume that the a new path would be an easy sell. Unfortunately Republicans can’t stop battling each other long enough to focus on saving a nation on the brink. California’s Kevin McCarthy became Speaker of the House of Representatives (third in line to the Presidency) in January 2023, but it took more rounds of voting than any such selection process since 1859. He only lasted until October before being ousted, the first time in the history of the House that a Speaker was successfully removed. It then took four days of cajoling before Louisiana’s Mike Johnson received the gavel, with Democrats laughing the whole time.

Middle East Unrest
In October 2023 the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas invaded Israel. The surprising thing has been the amount of pro-Palestine protests here in the United States. I cannot present an authoritative history lesson on The Middle East, but I know that Israel is God’s Chosen People and an American ally. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised any longer by the effects of our modern “progressive” education system.

Canadian & Hawaii Wildfires
The 2023 wildfire season saw the most area burned in Canada’s recorded history, beginning in March and intensifying in June, with an ongoing, record-setting series of fires affecting every province. In early August 2023, a series of wildfires broke out in Hawaii, predominantly on the island of Maui. The wind-driven fires prompted evacuations, caused widespread damage, and killed at least 100 people. But don’t worry…billionaires Oprah “Satan’s Favorite Talk Show Host” Winfrey & future President Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson were on the scene with a plan to rebuild Maui with YOUR money while they get all the glory.h

and the Sammy goes to…..

Ukraine. I don’t know…something smells fishy. It’s become quite fashionable to put the Ukraine flag on social media profiles to show how compassionate a person believes themselves to be, as if they’re supporting the local soup kitchen or saving cute little puppies. However, the truth is that Ukraine, led by Volodymyr Zelenskyy, a former comedian & actor with a fondness for comfie sweatshirts, isn’t that much better than the evil Russian Empire, led by Vladimir Putin. I don’t think most American citizens have any clue what they’re supporting, and I am damn sure that none of us know what all those billions of dollars we’re passing out like candy is really being spent on.

Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (the first female to serve on The Court)…..legendary game show host (The Price is Right), actor (Happy Gilmore), & animal rights advocate Bob Barker…former First Lady Rosalynn Carter…groundbreaking television writer & producer Norman Lear (All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Sanford & Son)…singers/musicians Jimmy Buffett, Tina Turner, Tony Bennett, Gary Rossington (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Jeff Beck, Charlie Thomas (The Drifters), David Crosby, Robbie Bachman (Bachman-Turner Overdrive), Wayne Shorter, Fred White (Earth, Wind, & Fire), Harry Belafonte, Gordon Lightfoot, Sinead O’Connor, Robbie Robertson (The Band), Bernie Marsden (Whitesnake), Steve Harwell (Smash Mouth), Mylon LeFevre, Roger Whittaker, and Rudolph Isley (The Isley Brothers)…infamous talk show host Jerry Springer…former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger…comedian Shecky Greene…NFL Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown & NBA Hall of Fame player/coach/executive Willis Reed…astronaut Ken Mattingly (portrayed in Apollo 13 by Gary Sinise)…daredevil Robbie Knievel…heiress & singer Lisa Marie Presley…former pro football executives Bobby Beathard (Washington Redskins, San Diego Chargers), Dick Haley (Pittsburgh Steelers), and Gil Brandt (Dallas Cowboys)…actresses Suzanne Somers (Three’s Company, Step By Step), Melinda Dillon (A Christmas Story, Slap Shot), Cindy Williams (Laverne & Shirley, American Graffiti), Raquel Welch (The Three Musketeers, Right to Die), Jaclyn Zeman (General Hospital), Arleen Sorkin (Days of Our Lives, Batman: The Animated Series), Stella Stevens (The Nutty Professor, The Poseidon Adventure), Lisa Loring (The Addams Family, As the World Turns), Gina Lollobrigida (a variety of Italian films), Annie Wersching (General Hospital), Carole Cook (Sixteen Candles), Barbara Bosson (Hill Street Blues, The Last Starfighter), Inga Swenson (Benson), Nancy Frangione (Another World), Cindy Morgan (Caddyshack), Piper Laurie (The Hustler, Carrie, Twin Peaks), and Frances Sternhagen (Cheers, Doc Hollywood)…Ted Kaczynski (aka The Unabomber)…NASCAR legend Cale Yarborough…Grammy winning musician (The Eagles) & songwriter (Take it to the Limit) Randy Meisner and songwriter & drummer (Kool & The Gang) George “Funky” Brown (Celebration, Ladies’ Night)…NHL Hall of Famer Bobby Hull (Chicago Blackhawks, Winnipeg Jets), MLB Hall of Famers Brooks Robinson (Baltimore Orioles) & Sal Bando (Oakland A’s), and NFL Hall of Famers Dick Butkus (Chicago Bears) & Joe Kapp (Minnesota Vikings)…televangelists Pat Robertson & Charles Stanley…poker champion Doyle Brunson…pastor & author Tim Keller…songwriters/composers Barrett Stone (I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone), Burt Bacharach (There’s Always Something There to Remind Me,The Look of Love, I Say a Little Prayer, Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head, Arthur’s Theme, That’s What Friends Are For), Jim Gordon (Layla), Bobby Caldwell (The Next Time I Fall), Cynthia Weil (You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’, Somewhere Out There), Gary Wright (Dream Weaver)…sportscasters Stan Savran, Billy Packer, Tim McCarver, and Ken Squier…actors Matthew Perry (Friends, Fools Rush In), Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine, The Santa Clause 3, Edward Scissorhands, Glengarry Glen Ross), Tyler Christopher (General Hospital), Richard Moll (Night Court), Adam Rich (Eight is Enough), Billy Miller (The Young & Restless, General Hospital), Lance Kerwin (James at 15), Tom Sizemore (Striking Distance, Saving Private Ryan), Robert Blake (Baretta), Richard Belzer (Law & Order: SVU, Homicide: Life on the Street), Michael Lerner (Eight Men Out, Elf), Treat Williams (1941, Once Upon a Time in America), Nicolas Coster (Santa Barbara, All the President’s Men), Julian Sands (Ocean’s Thirteen), Frederic Forrest (Apocalypse Now), Marc Gilpin (Jaws), Paul Reubens (The Blues Brothers, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse), Johnny Hardwick (King of the Hill), Ron Cephas Jones (This Is Us), Maurice Hines (The Cotton Club), Sir Michael Gambon (Harry Potter), Richard Roundtree (Shaft), Burt Young (Rocky), Joss Ackland (Lethal Weapon 2), Andre Braugher (Homicide: Life on the Street, Brooklyn Nine–Nine), Tom Wilkinson (The Full Monty, Recount, The Patriot), Kamar de los Reyes (One Life to Live), and Ryan O’Neal (Love Story, Paper Moon)…cartoonist Chris Browne (Hagar the Horrible)…astronaut Frank Borman…Food Network host Bobby Rivers…pro wrestlers Terry Funk, “Superstar” Billy Graham, The Iron Sheik, Jay Briscoe, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo, Windham Rotunda (aka Bray Wyatt), Jeff Gaylord, Butch Miller (The Bushwhackers), Darren Drozdov, “Exotic” Adrian Street, Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey, Brett Sawyer, Killer Khan, and promoter Jerry Jarrett…comedian & musician Tom Smothers…engineer Gaston Glock (creator of the Glock pistol)…former U.S. Congresswoman Pat Schroeder (Colorado), former Connecticut Governor & Senator Lowell Weicker, former New Mexico Governor & UN Ambassador Bill Richardson, former mayor of San Francisco & U.S. Congresswoman Dianne Feinstein (California), and former U.S. Senator (Wisconsin), Milwaukee Bucks owner, & Kohl’s Department Store founder Herb Kohl…former basketball coaches Bobby Knight (Indiana Hoosiers, Texas Tech Red Raiders), Chris Ford (Boston Celtics), Terry Holland (Virginia Cavaliers), Billy Hahn (WV Mountaineers), Denny Crum (Louisville Cardinals), Brendan Malone (Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors), & Joey Meyer (DePaul Blue Demons) and former football coaches Vince Tobin (Arizona Cardinals) & Hall-of-Famer Bud Grant (Minnesota Vikings)…authors John Jakes (North & South) & Cormac McCarthy (Blood Meridian, No Country for Old Men, The Road)…former Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson…TV director Peter Werner (Academy Award winner in 1976 for Best Live Action Short Film)…Dancing with the Stars judge Len Goodman…former NFL referee Art McNally…stuntman George Wilbur (Halloween)…Heisman Trophy winners & former NFL players Johnny Lujack & Charles White, former NFL players & TV pitchmen Conrad Dobler and Walt Garrison, retired NFL players Ryan Mallett (New England Patriots), Clark Haggans (Pittsburgh Steelers), Sean Dawkins (Indianapolis Colts), Alex Collins (Seattle Seahawks, Baltimore Ravens), Mike Williams (Tampa Bay Buccaneers), Russ Francis (New England Patriots, San Francisco 49ers), and Frank Wycheck (Tennessee Titans)…political satirist Mark Russell…Bob Lee (founder of CashApp)…former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi…former PGA golfers Don January & Andy Bean…cinematographer Bill Butler (Jaws, Grease) & Oscar winning screenwriter Bo Goldman (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Scent of a Woman)…journeyman NBA players Felton Spencer & Eric Montross…The View producer Bill Geddie…comedian Pat Cooper…former WV Supreme Court Justice Warren McGraw…former MLB players Dick Groat (Pittsburgh Pirates), Tim Wakefield (Pittsburgh Pirates, Boston Red Sox), & Vida Blue (Oakland A’s) and manager Pat Corrales (Cleveland Indians)

RIP Rush – “He Made A Huge Difference”

I’ve always been a procrastinator, but this is different. I’ve been trying to find the words for several days, with little success. Just because you know something is happening in advance doesn’t mean it’s any easier when it actually happens. Such is the case with my man Rush Limbaugh, whose talent on loan from God was called on Ash Wednesday.

 

The Doctor of Democracy, our Maha Rushie, had been diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago, but continued with his radio show, albeit with frequent days off (I assume for treatment, appointments, etc). Then in October he made the devastating announcement that the treatments weren’t working. Around Christmastime he stated that doctors hadn’t expected him to be alive to see the holiday season so he was thankful for “extra innings”. His last radio broadcast came on February 2, and just over two weeks later he was gone.

 

I was introduced to Rush Limbaugh by my friend Greg in 1991, just in time for the 1992 election season. His books The Way Things Ought to Be (1992) and See, I Told You So (1993) were eye openers. I’ve seen Rush called many things this past week, but to my surprise I haven’t seen anyone refer to him the way I would…as a teacher. Everyone always likes to ask “Who was your favorite teacher??” or “Name a teacher who changed your life”, and of course most have atleast one from high school or college they hold in high regard, but my favorite teacher of all time just might be Rush Limbaugh. Certainly I learned more from him than what I rote memorized in high school, and I barely remember anything I heard in a college classroom (the social aspect of those years were much more meaningful to me, and I don’t feel bad about that).

 

Rush taught me about self-reliance. Rugged individualism. American exceptionalism. The brilliance of our Founding Fathers. He helped me understand media bias, and was a trailblazer in railing against political correctness. I learned more about economics from Rush Limbaugh than all the college professors I had combined. He had…unique…perspectives on race relations, feminism, environmentalism, and any other hot button issue one can imagine. His opinions angered a whole lot of people, but in my opinion he was usually spot on in his assessment. He had an uncanny ability to see thru the…ummm…poppycock…and tell us what was really going on. Hint: most of the time things aren’t what they seem…politicians lie, “journalists” lie, and all those celebrities who like to show off their alleged intellect usually have no idea what they’re talking about. That’s why so many of those kinds of people hated him…he understood their dishonesty, ignorance, & hypocrisy and wasn’t afraid to call them on it.

 

One of my father’s Dadisms has always been “I love you & will do anything I can to help you, but I will NOT defend you when you are wrong”. It is not my intention to put Rush Limbaugh on a pedestal. He had failures & made mistakes. He was married four times. He had a much publicized addiction to pain killers. He pushed the envelope on the radio and in doing so stepped over the line more than once. Sadly those shortcomings were constantly seized upon by those who disagreed with his sociopolitical opinions, and he was portrayed by some as an evil minion of Satan.

 

The odd thing is, those that know him best have always painted a far different picture. They will tell you that off the air he was shy, respectful, and quite generous. I never met Rush in person, but in listening to him I wasn’t offended or felt like he was all that shocking. Over the years I have found that many people who “hate” him never actually listened to his show. At best they may have heard a sound byte that left a bad impression, but if one is being intellectually honest we all know that the media often manipulates such things to further their chosen narrative. Rush Limbaugh became The Boogeyman who represented everything leftists despise about conservatism, and he willingly took the bullet. He always said that to really understand him you had to listen to the show consistently for a few weeks, and I found that to be true. He used humor like a surgeon wields a scalpel, and oftentimes intentionally tweaked the media just to get a reaction (and they rarely failed to live down to expectations).

 

Over the years I would occasionally play a game with myself. I’d hear a story, form an opinion, then try to think about it thru the prism of what Rush might say about it. Inevitably, once I was able to catch up with his show (made so much easier thru modern technology) I would realize that I had been on the right track with my thoughts, although he had an uncanny ability to point out things that I’d missed. The point though, is that thru the course of three decades I learned so much that I wouldn’t have if I’d never become a Dittohead. I suppose some will assume that makes me a misogynistic bigot, but when those accusations start flying I know immediately that I’m dealing with an uninformed ignoramus who never actually listened to the man I enjoyed & admired. I am in regular contact with people who spew obtuse MSNBC & CNN talking points almost daily, so I know the type. Thru trial & error and a lot of missteps along the way I’ve learned to accept those folks and appreciate their more positive contributions.

 

Sadly there are a fair number of people out there whose unhappiness & anger are too much to overlook. Such was the case in the immediate aftermath of Rush’s departure from this mortal coil. The comments on social media, while completely predictable, were no less infuriating. There have been liberals who passed (Supreme Court Justice RBG for example) and I never felt compelled to post something like “Thank God for cancer” or “Rest in Piss”, and that’s thanks to parents who raised me better. I guess everyone isn’t as fortunate as me. Isn’t it funny that “fact” checkers & community standards (whatever that is 🤷🏻‍♂️) are nowhere to be found in that scenario??

 

I listened to & read a lot of coverage of Rush’s death for a couple of days, with much of it being unsurprisingly disrespectful. However, one viewpoint in particular stood out. My apologies for not being able to give that person proper credit because I cannot remember who said it, but someone opined that Rush Limbaugh “made a huge difference”. One of the things he used to say when he was still the only game in town on conservative talk radio and The Internet was in its infancy is “I AM equal time”. I believe it was in response to certain entities calling for the return of The Fairness Doctrine (you might want to study it a bit…there will soon be a renewed push to revive it). Mr. Limbaugh was very clear in his opinion that the media, entertainment, public education, and other powerful parts of our daily lives have long been controlled by The Left and the populace indoctrinated without us even realizing it was happening. That indoctrination has only gotten more bold & pervasive, but many of us are no longer ignorant of it and occasionally even fight back. Rush Limbaugh deserves nearly all the credit for that. He almost singlehandedly saved talk radio, and in the process awakened millions of people to malevolent machinations that had been occurring for decades. Without Rush there is no Bush Dynasty, Fox News, Newt Gingrich’s Contract with America, or Donald Trump. I shudder to think what Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, & a likely Hillary Clinton Administration would have done to our country if Rush hadn’t been around to hold their feet to the fire. Certainly our Supreme Court would look far different and be way more radical. The next wave of conservative pundits wouldn’t be enjoying the level of success they’ve achieved without Rush as a forefather. Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro, Steven Crowder, Tomi Lahren…they all owe him a significant debt of gratitude, and I think they know that. I’ll even go so far as to ponder what the 2020 Election might have looked like if Rush had been at full strength this past year, although I don’t think even he could’ve stopped the theft that occurred (that’s a rabbit hole I won’t dive into right now).

 

“He made a huge difference”. I don’t think I’m venturing too far out on a limb when I say that most of us would love to have that said about our life. I’ve had way too much time to think about my own legacy this past year, and without going too far astray I’ll just say that I don’t think I’ve made much of a difference to anyone or anything. When I am gone it will be as if I was never here. Rush Limbaugh?? Well, he is deeply missed already, but thankfully he spent thirty years changing the world three hours at a time.

 

What’s next?? I have no idea. No one can replace El Rushbo, America’s Truth Detector. I saw someone compare him to Johnny Carson, and that seems like an appropriate analogy. A bunch of late night hosts have come & gone since Carson left the stage, and while most have adequately entertained us none have equaled The King of Late Night. Such will be the case with conservative talk radio & punditry. There will be shows. Someone (probably multiple people) will even sit behind the golden EIB microphone for the foreseeable future, but there will never be another Rush Limbaugh…a teacher/entertainer/communicator who expertly balanced humor, wisdom, righteous indignation, mischievous rabblerousing, connecting with an audience, & accessible analysis of complex issues. And he made it look easy.

The 2020 Sammy Awards – Part I

Awards Season has arrived!!

Greetings Manoverse, and welcome to the 2020 Sammy Awards!! It is with no small amount of trepidation that we take a look back at a year that most would likely just as soon forget, but after taking a hiatus from these awards in 2019 the decision has been made to press on. We’ll do the best we can to do our little tongue-in-cheek review of all the ups & downs of the past twelve months with as much positivity & mirth as possible, while also treating certain subjects with the respect & gravitas they deserve.

 

This actually seems like the perfect time to bring back The Sammys. After all, it’s a fake awards show, so there is no social distancing or masks required, although if you feel it necessary to get tested for Covid-19 when we are done that is your decision. This year’s show would obviously be broadcast on Zoom and perhaps Facebook Live, although those damn “fact” checkers might be a problem (thanks to that affluent douchebag Zuckerberg). At any rate, as always, we consider The Sammy Awards to be much cooler that The Oscars or The Grammys, and much more relevant than anything presented on MTV.  We originally invited the lovely Hilaria Baldwin (wife of actor Alec Baldwin) to be our host, but unfortunately she is quarantining after contact tracing determined she may have been exposed to The Coronavirus (or, as she is calling it, The “Spanish” Flu). Fortunately we found a last minute replacement (actually a major upgrade), and it is a huge honor to welcome an Academy Award nominated actor and star of legendary films like Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, & Scrooged. Please give a warm welcome to Bill Murray!!

 

After an amusing opening monologue from our esteemed host it is time to present our first award. To do that we are thrilled to welcome back not only a former NFL lineman & Hall-of-Fame broadcaster, but the winner of multiple Sammy Awards who recently departed ESPN (he’s a white male so he no longer aligns with their wokeness) after two decades of awesomeness. Eat a donut in honor of Mike Golic Sr!! And the nominees are:

 

 

The Thrill of Victory Award

 

Las Vegas Raiders

I’m not sure on field expectations were all that high for the Raiders coming off a 7-9 record in 2019, their third losing season in a row. However, everyone associated with the team and the entire fanbase had to be psyched about a change of scenery to Sin City. Then Covid-19 happened, so instead of playing in front of 65,000 screaming fans at the brand spanking new Allegiant Stadium the Raiders got to play in an empty or nearly empty venue (the rules seemingly differed for each team and changed weekly). But while that is sad there is hope for the future. The Raiders finished 8-8, nearly making the playoffs. America’s Playground will bounce back, and there are strong reasons to believe their new hometown football team will be part of the recovery.

 

LSU’s National Championship

It seems like a lifetime ago, but the Bayou Bengals beat Clemson on January 13, 2020 to claim their fourth National Championship in football. Unfortunately they were unable to follow-up on that success this season and finished with a 5-5 record.

 

Kansas City Wins Super Bowl

QB Patrick Mahomes was the 10th choice in the first round of the 2017 NFL Draft, meaning nine teams passed on him. In just his third season Mahomes made those nine teams look totally foolish when he led the Chiefs to a win over the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl to claim their first Lombardi Trophy in a half century.

 

Dodgers Win World Series

The Sickness negatively affected sports in a multitude of ways in 2020, and one result was a truncated 60 game MLB regular season. To be honest I was facing my own challenges last summer and paid very little attention to baseball, but the Dodgers beat the Tampa Bay Rays in a World Series that no hardcore fan outside of Los Angeles will ever remember with much reverence or respect. Congrats I guess.

 

Brady’s Move

Regardless of what the talking heads say I will never recognize Tom Brady as the GOAT, but I was thankful to see him leave the hated New England Patriots after two decades and six Super Bowl victories. His move to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers gave us the opportunity to find out who was more responsible for the Pats’ success…Brady or head coach Bill Belichick. The result?? New England missed the playoffs for only the second time since 2000 (the first was 2008 when Brady went down with a torn ACL in the opener and missed the rest of the season), while Tampa finished 11-5 and will be making their first playoff appearance since 2007. I have to admit I am somewhat surprised how it all shook out.

 

Lebron Gets Another Ring

The NBA had their season interrupted by The Sickness and had to play the entirety of their playoffs in a “bubble” in Orlando, FL. At the end of the day the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Miami Heat to win their 17th title. Lebron James is now 36 years old and has played in the NBA nearly half his life, winning four rings in the process. He may not be the greatest player on the planet anymore, but he’s still better that 95% of the league.

 

Tyson’s Comeback

Mike Tyson last fought professionally in 2005, losing to a guy no one had ever heard of. It was an ignoble ending to the legendary career of The Baddest Man on the Planet. Flash ahead to November 2020 when Tyson fought an 8 round exhibition against former Olympian Roy Jones Jr. The bout was scored a draw, but the sad part is that it took place at L.A.’s Staples Center in front of no fans. Under normal circumstances one can reasonably assume a raucous packed house would have made the event truly special, but it wasn’t to be. At 54 years of age it is unlikely that Tyson will receive many more opportunities, but it would be great to see him go out with a big crowd in attendance.

 

 

and The Sammy goes to…..

 

The Kansas City Chiefs. 2020 was a pretty tough year for sports. Events were cancelled. Players & coaches tested positive for the virus and had to miss games. Seasons were abbreviated. Stadiums were empty. Fortunately KC won their championship before all of that was an issue. And it probably isn’t the last time they’ll be competing in the Super Bowl. The Chiefs look like they could be a team to be reckoned with for many years to come.

 

We feel like 2020 was such a traumatic experience that some cathartic laughter might be a good idea. To help us do that it is a pleasure to welcome back God’s Comic Brad Stine!!

 

 

After Brad Stine has tickled our funny bone with his unique brand of clean comedy it is time to present our next award. To do that it is a pleasure to welcome one of America’s funniest character actors. He has had roles in a variety of television shows, including Hearts Afire (a 90’s sitcom starring John Ritter & Markie Post), Reba, and Boston Legal, but his fame rose to new heights during the pandemic by way of hilarious & heartwarming viral videos, providing us all a chuckle when we really needed it. Please show some love for Leslie Jordan!! And the nominees are:

 

 

Favorite Viral Videos

 

Tipsy Bartender

Skyy John is an actor/bartender from The Bahamas. Apparently he has been doing Tipsy Bartender videos for several years but I am a little late to the party. The videos themselves are pretty short, but they are the perfect blend of informative & entertaining. I knew I was going to like Skyy when he made his affection for blue curacao (an orange liqueur) evident because Blue Hawaiians were one of my favorite drinks back in college.

 

Family Feud

Nothing is more of an indicator of the shifting winds of entertainment than Family Feud. How so?? Well, while I am rarely inclined to sit down & watch an entire half hour episode I’m more than happy to watch brief videos highlighting a particularly amusing question or a totally stupid answer that elicits a hilarious response from host Steve Harvey. I’m old enough to remember original host Richard Dawson kissing every female contestant on the lips…something that would be considered weird & inappropriate by modern standards. Instead, Harvey’s charm & comedic chops make the program entertaining, especially in small bites.

  

BatDad

Back in 2013 Blake Wilson purchased a Batman mask from a Target in Florida and began posting Vines of himself interacting with his wife & children while wearing the mask and talking in the low pitched throatiness popularized by Christian Bale’s version of The Caped Crusader in the Dark Knight movies. Seven years later Vine no longer exists and BatDad is divorced from his seemingly unamused wife Jen, but the videos are still going strong.

 

The Holderness Family

Penn & Kim Holderness used to be talking heads on TV news programs, but soon after posting some videos on YouTube in 2013 they became a lot more famous. Their videos consist of parody songs and other comedy bits poking fun at slice-of-life Americana like Hallmark Christmas movies & of course dealing with quarantine. They are quite talented & funny, and their two children seem to enjoy being part of the show.

 

The Williams Sisters on Instagram

Kimberly Williams-Paisley & her sister Ashley Williams are both actresses. These days they mostly star in television movies, but Kimberly’s very first acting gig was in 1991’s Father of the Bride (one of my favorite movies of all time), while I still remember Ashley from the sitcom Good Morning Miami that only lasted one season almost twenty years ago. During the pandemic they have been going live on Instagram once a week, and it’s just a conversation between two sisters. They cover a wide array of subjects, laughing hysterically the entire time. Ashley especially has an infectious laugh. I have come to appreciate simplicity, and the charm of two sisters just having fun talking to each other and letting us eavesdrop is undeniable.

 

 

and The Sammy goes to…..

 

Tipsy Bartender. I don’t even drink anymore. I sowed my wild oats in college, but now, more than two decades later, you are much more likely to see me drinking skim milk or iced tea than liquor, and my favorite kind of beer is root beer. Mixology has always intrigued me though, so I enjoy watching various concoctions being created even if I know darn well I’ll never drink it myself. It’s kind of like my affection for The Food Network despite the fact that my own culinary efforts rarely go beyond throwing something in the microwave or cooking spaghetti then tossing a jar of sauce over it. If you enjoy an occasional adult beverage these videos are fascinating and a lot of fun.

 

 

Our next award is a very special honor being given to a person who has been an influence in my life for thirty years. To make the presentation we are pleased to welcome two young ladies who have likely looked to our honoree as an inspiration in their own careers as political pundits and will carry on his legacy for many years to come. Please give a warm welcome to Candace Owens & Tomi Lahren!!

 

 

The Duffer-Herrell Lifetime Achievement Award

 

Rush Limbaugh

 

When I was in college my best friend Greg gave me a book entitled The Way Things Ought to Be. I had heard a little bit about Rush Limbaugh, but I thought he was a shock jock that I’d not find entertaining at all. I was wrong. I read Rush’s book and it was a revelation. He made so much sense, opening my eyes to ideas I’d never known I always believed. Over the next two decades I was an avid listener of his daily talk show, and really enjoyed the TV show he hosted all too briefly in the early 90’s. I am well aware that many people don’t like Rush at all, but I think a lot of those folks are misinformed. Though he has mellowed in recent years I readily admit that back in the day he could be quite abrasive, oftentimes intentionally offensive, and definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I believe his reputation for being outrageous has always been overblown. More than once I have encountered people who claim they hated Rush but hadn’t actually listened to his program…something I’ve always found to be intellectually dishonest. You might not agree with his political beliefs, but Rush is hardly Satan’s evil minion. To be honest I think he was ahead of his time. People weren’t quite ready for his brutal honesty, refusal to kowtow to opposing ideas, and faux bravado three decades ago, but now everybody is copying his shtick and turning the volume to 11. Rush was a major player in the conservative movement of the mid-1990’s, and the Clinton years when Slick Willie was the perfect adversary for Rush to play off of were definitely the golden age of his reign over talk radio. I haven’t listened to his show all that much the past several years because I am not as into politics as I used to be. I no longer have the stomach for intense debate with people who will never try to see my point of view no matter how conciliatory I am toward them. The ballyhooed mean-spiritedness assigned to Rush pales in comparison to how divisive and malicious people can be these days. He’s kind of like the classic horror movies from the 1930’s…sure they are horror films, but they aren’t nearly as gory & violent as modern horror films. In that same way Rush’s alleged malevolence almost seems quaint when compared to what is presented every day & night on the cable news channels. At any rate, I spent countless hours thru the years learning from Rush, being entertained by him, and awakening to the indoctrination pervasive in so many powerful entities that shape & dictate our lives. Sadly Rush Limbaugh’s time in the public arena is coming to a close. He is battling lung cancer and has already lived longer than expected. I am sure there are people who will celebrate his demise, but I am not one of them. If you are I will say a prayer for you. To Rush all I can say is godspeed and thank you for everything you have meant in my life.

 

 

This feels like a good place to pause, but please stay tuned for Part 2 of The Sammy Awards…coming soon!!