Simon Cowell

Points of Ponderation…..Episode 3.16

A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

 

 

 

 

So I guess the finale of the farewell season of American Idol has come & gone. I had planned on watching the last season just forAmerican-Idol old times’ sake, but that simply didn’t happen. My Idol viewership was hit & miss at best over the years, but like a lot of other folks I began to lose interest awhile ago, especially when turnover at the judges’ table started to be a bit much. As annoying as they could be at times, the lineup of Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, & Randy Jackson had chemistry that was never as enjoyable with additions like Ellen DeGeneres, Steven Tyler, Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, and the last group of J-Lo, Keith Urban, & Harry Connick Jr. It didn’t help that the only two winners since 2007 that even came close to moving the needle for longer than 5 minutes were Jordin Sparks & Phillip Phillips…and I’m being rather generous to them. I suppose it’s possible that I’m just old, out-of-touch, & stuck in my ways, no longer within the target demographic that typically enjoys a show like American Idol.  I know what kind of music I enjoy & what performers I prefer, and that is unlikely to be impacted by the winner of a reality show who fades into oblivion not long after their made-for-TV victory. Having said all that, it is undeniable that for a brief moment in time American Idol was a pop culture phenomenon that gave us memorable stars like Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, Katherine McPhee, Kellie Pickler, & Jennifer Hudson. One could even throw Cowell and Ryan Seacrest into that mix, although it is possible they may have found another launching pad to fame & fortune had Idol never existed. At any rate, a fond farewell to American Idol. Maybe we’ll see you again someday.

 

nc2There has been much controversy swirling about HB2, aka the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, that was recently passed in North Carolina. Essentially the bill…as I understand it…maintains the status quo and prohibits any special privileges for “the LGBT community”, especially “transgender” individuals seeking the right to use public bathrooms based on the sex with which they “identify” rather than what biology dictates. Bruce Springsteen is angry. Jimmy Buffett is as upset as a pothead gets. The NFL is unhappy. Everybody is throwing their weight around one way or another about the situation. I briefly pondered in-depth pontification on the issue, but I have decided it’s not worth my time or aggravation. I have my opinions. I know right vs. wrong. However I have been doing my best to back off certain hot button topics. I’ll live my life and let others live theirs. But let me offer one quick opinion. If this law stands (which is uncertain at best), I predict that in the next decade the state of North Carolina will experience faster economic & population growth than anywhere in the country. You heard it here first.

 

oj2Did you watch the recently concluded ten part miniseries American Crime Story: The People oj3vs. O.J. Simpson?? I had very low expectations at the outset and was prepared for a tacky yet entertaining cheesefest of epic proportions. However, I ended up being pleasantly surprised by the writing and superb performances. How much of what was on my TV screen accurately reflected real life events?? Did attorney Robert Kardashian (sympathetically portrayed by former Friends star David Schwimmer) really have doubts about OJ’s innocence?? Is attorney Robert Shapiro (portrayed by the legendary John Travolta) really that much of an arrogant weirdo?? Did Marcia Clark & Christopher Darden really almost get it on?? I don’t know and neither do you, but who cares?? The show was fantastic and should end up winning multiple Emmys (especially for Sarah Paulson as Clark and Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran). It is fascinating to think about how different things might have turned out had LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman not been involved in the case or if those infamous gloves (if they don’t fit you must acquit!!) hadn’t been introduced as evidence. Cochran’s strategy to utilize the “race card” may have been morally questionable and sort of a straw man argument, but it turned out to be brilliant. Clark & Darden were seemingly solid lawyers who just got outmaneuvered by more devious opponents. The really sad part of the equation from my perspective is the jury. Everyone involved expected them to deliberate for weeks…maybe even months. Instead they returned a verdict in just a few hours. The American system of justice is the best in the world and provides an opportunity for a defendant to be judged by a jury of his/her peers…but what if those “peers” aren’t up to the task?? O.J. Simpson benefitted from his celebrity and from a jury who was bored, tired, frustrated, easily manipulated by Cochran, & after a year in the courtroom just wanted to go home. That’s my take anyway…you’re mileage may vary.

 

The 2015 Sammy Awards didn’t happen because Your Humble Potentate of Profundity spent the last couple of months of 2015 inthumb a hospital. However, while doing some way too early prep work for this year’s presentation I took a look back at the 2014 Awards and was amazed. We hand out what I call The DB Cooper Award (For the Person Who Most Needs to Disappear). In 2014 there were 11 nominees. As of right now one of them retired from Congress, one acrimoniously departed from MSNBC, one had their reality show cancelled, and one is dead. Damn I’m good.

 

jfkI wasn’t quite as enamored with Hulu’s eight part adaptation of Stephen King’s 2011 novel 11/22/63 as I became of the OJ Simpson miniseries, but then again the book is so fantastic that it would have been darn near impossible to equal. Casting James Franco in the lead was a mistake in my opinion (I envisioned Josh Lucas in the role as I was reading the book), though it certainly wasn’t a fatal flaw. As with any book that is adapted into a film or TV series there were alterations & omissions, but nothing unforgivable. King’s works are notoriously difficult to translate from page to screen, but it was definitely a wise choice to make a miniseries instead of a feature film as was the original plan. All in all it was a solid effort, but it could have been far better.

Superfluous 7 – Ways to Improve American Idol

Never fear American Idol fans. We may currently be between seasons, but I am here to provide a little midsummer respite for those missing one of your favorite guilty pleasures. I am normally a fan of the old adage “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, and since Idol is still getting good ratings and making mad bank some may think it isn’t broken. I disagree. I feel like there are things that need tweaking that would make the show fresh, and more importantly, better. Therefore, I have a few modest suggestions. So, for those of you who out there who have ever (for some mysterious reason) made an effort to see Bucky Covington at a county fair, and those who actually remember who in the heck Sanjaya Malakar is, I give you…..

 

 

a collaborative effort from the home offices in Intercourse & Climax, PA…..

 

 

The Superfluous 7 Ways to Improve American Idol:

 

 

7       Higher Age Limit

Right now Idol rules state contestants must be between the ages of 15 & 28. Originally contestants had to be from 16-24. I would change the rules again. This past season it struck me that my early favorite (before Haley Reinhart grabbed my attention), eventual runner-up Lauren Alaina, was only 16 years old and there were a lot of times when one could tell. I give the young lady a lot of credit…she handled herself well and maintained her composure under tremendous pressure, but is it really a good idea to put 16 year old kids in that position?? It just feels…wrong on some level. I also don’t believe that a person’s talent should be discarded just because they may not be young and tight and sexy anymore. I realize that the powers-that-be are marketing to a target audience skewing toward young teenagers, mostly female. But both from a business & creative viewpoint it would seem to make sense to open up the parameters a bit, and from a moral point of view it seems logical to me that contestants on a reality show should atleast be out of high school. So I would make the age range from 18-35. This would be an easy change to make and I really don’t think it would hurt the product much.

 

6       DWTS Scoring

One of my other guilty pleasures is Dancing with the Stars, and they do something a wee bit different than Idol. They let the masses vote, but they don’t let it become a complete popularity contest. The judges on DWTS aren’t well known personalities giving meaningless advice. They are experts in their field who give scores that are factored into the results. I am not sure how much weight is given to the judges scores versus public vote…it’s probably not 50/50…but it makes enough of a difference that someone who just cannot dance at all won’t be saved by their level of popularity, atleast not for long. Meanwhile, on Idol, if enough 13 year old nitwits think someone is “OMG HOT!!” it doesn’t matter if they sing like Roseanne Barr doing The National Anthem, even if the judges point it out. I say make the judges on American Idol useful. Let them assign some sort of score to each performance that is then balanced in some way with audience input. As frivolous as a show like American Idol is, the outcome does have a significant impact, both positive and negative, on contestants’ lives. I do not think it is right to leave those lives completely in the hands of children with unformed, unsophisticated, decidedly undeveloped musical palates.

 

5       Throw Off The Covers

Idol is so predictable when it comes to songs. Multiple people every season try to tackle Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion (almost always failing miserably). Contestants probably think they are being cute and impressing someone when they sing a Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson tune. I think they are probably wrong. Stevie Wonder gets a lot of play on the show, and one doesn’t really realize how awesome Lil Stevie is until some 17 year old kid with no soul butchers one of his songs. And here’s the kicker: When the lucky & talented winner reaches the end of a long and arduous road THEN they are forced to sing some crappy new song by some unknown songwriter that the producers are praying becomes a huge radio hit. It rarely works. I say let the contestants sing original material throughout the season. Whether it is something they have written themselves or a tune somebody else hooks them up with, atleast it’d be something different on occasion. The contestants that really stand out, like James Durbin or Chris Daughtry, are the ones who go out on a limb and give us a completely fresh take on an old song. All I am suggesting is that we take that a step further and allow the guys & gals to sing stuff we may have never heard before. Would it be a gamble?? Absolutely, which is another reason I really like the idea. But who knows?? Maybe…just maybe…the roll of the dice may pay off for the risk taker, and the audience might be spared from hearing the same dozen songs a hundred times.

 

4       Real Judges

I have liked every judge that has ever been on Idol. I did feel like Ellen Degeneres was woefully miscast in the role, and Kara DioGuardi, ironically one of only two judges who have been really qualified for the gig, seemed completely uncomfortable. Simon Cowell rocked but understandably got bored. That brings us to Paula Abdul and the current lineup of Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler, and Jennifer Lopez. The prevailing thought process seems to be that a successful pop star is the perfect person to choose a new crop of pop stars. That logic is wrong. Look, I LOVE Steven Tyler, but as entertaining as he is, he adds nothing of substance. He gave no meaningful insight, criticism, or helpful advice all last season. Ditto for J-Lo, who is a carbon copy of Abdul in the sense that both seemed to balk at offering any kind of constructive critique. Neither want to be mean. Maybe this is really their personality…or maybe they don’t want to be perceived as bitches and hurt their own careers (insomuch as Paula Abdul still has a “career”). Which leads me to Randy. Randy Jackson, contrary to popular belief, is not one of the Jackson Five. No, his biggest claim to musical fame is being a bassist for Journey for about 5 minutes in the mid-80’s. Okay okay…I guess he is some sort of record producer too. But whatever his legitimate qualifications may be, he has pretty much made them irrelevant on Idol. In my opinion he is the most useless judge of them all, with a collection of catchphrases that substitute for genuine commentary on contestants’ performances. He, of course, calls everyone “Dawg”, but he also says things like “It was just aiiight”, “You worked it out”, “It was a little pitchy dawg”, and “He’s in it to win it!!”. What the hell do those things even mean??  I can predict almost exactly what Randy is going to say before he even says it, and his schtick has become tiresome. He did try to be more “Simon-esque”, i.e. sort of mean, this past season, but it generally fell flat. The show is supposed to be about the contestants, but unfortunately it has become too much about the star power of the judges. If I may, let me once again reference DWTS. The judges on that show are Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli (the excitable Italian), and Len Goodman (the stuffy Brit). Raise your hand if you’d heard of them before DWTS. That’s right…no one raised their hand. But all three bring genuine qualifications to their roles…dancer, coach, choreographer or even all of those things. They give great counsel that, if the celebrities follow, makes a noticeable difference. That needs to happen on American Idol but it rarely does. My advice would be to can all three of the existing judges and bring in folks who have the types of jobs that make or break young, talented singers. So what if the masses have never heard of them?? Atleast Seacrest is still there to be witty & charming. That and the singing should be enough.

 

3       Limited Voting

I talked to a friend during this past season who said she’d just voted (for whom I forget) 200 times. That’s right…two HUNDRED times. In one night. Besides being a sad commentary on the emptiness of that person’s life, it is just plain ridiculous and wrong. How come I can only cast one vote for my choice for President or Governor or Mayor but I can stuff the proverbial ballot box for Constantine Maroulis?? How about we give everyone 10 votes (per week of course)?? I am sure it would be easy enough to do from a technical standpoint. This sort of goes back to the age thing too. A prepubescent girl has a distinct advantage over an old(er) dude like myself when it comes to texting, so this would level the playing field a bit.

 

2       Random Song Choice

They mixed it up a little bit this past season, having record company exec Jimmy Lovine (who’d make a great judge – see #4) suggest songs to the contestants, and in the finale I seem to recall Alaina and eventual winner Howdy Doody/George Strait/Alfred P. Newman (I’ve forgotten his actual name already and I bet I’m not the only one, so good luck kid) were assigned songs by Lovine and the judges. How about we do more of that?? Put these kids on the spot. Make them pick a song out of a hat. If you really want to be a prick about it do it on the live broadcast and make them sing it within the hour with no practice, but I’d be okay with doing it earlier in the week and giving them a fighting chance to not embarrass themselves. You want fan involvement?? Okay…let fans vote on songs they want to hear from each contestant. There are so many ways to shake things up and make the show more fun & unpredictable.

 

1       Voting Age Limit

I know I seem stuck on this age thing. I don’t want to come off as some curmudgeonly old man who doesn’t understand what the kids are into these days, but maybe I am to a degree. However, I don’t think I am being unfair when I say that modern “music” can’t hold a candle to the great stuff I grew up listening to in the 70’s & 80’s. Even music before my time, tunes from the 50’s & 60’s, are tremendous, it’s just that I don’t have as much of an emotional connection. At any rate, I give Idol credit for not allowing crap like rap & hip-hop to soil the show, although how could they since it is supposed to be a s-i-n-g-i-n-g competition and I am sure Fox would balk at contestants jumping around yelling about killing cops, doing drugs, and smacking around their bitches & hos. Plus as previously mentioned there is always a copious amount of love given to great talents like Stevie Wonder, Elton John, Mariah Carey, and Carole King. However, every time I hear someone do a great rendition of You’ve Got A Friend or Overjoyed  I just can’t shake that nagging feeling, pondering to myself “I wonder if the teeny boppers get it??” If Contestant A comes out and does a kickass version of Gershwin’s Summertime and Contestant B sings a Lady Gaga cover, which one will grab the attention of the youngsters?? Maybe I am wrong (it happens occasionally), but I think I know the answer and it’s not good. I humbly suggest setting an age limit of…let’s be generous and say…16. Because maybe…just maybe…someone that age has been driving a bit and accidentally stumbled upon a classic rock, adult contemporary, or other radio station with decent music that has somehow infiltrated their brain. Or maybe I’m being far too optimistic.

 

 

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