A semi-regular attempt to address some of life’s minutiae that might otherwise be overlooked…..

When you watch movies or television you are conditioned to believe that class reunions are a big deal that everyone is really into, but that simply isn’t true. I graduated in a class of nearly 200, and the attendance for our reunions, including the most recent, has averaged around 30-ish people. Very few of those who moved away years ago make an effort to return. I ran into a couple of locals (on separate occasions) in the weeks leading up to our latest shindig, and when I asked if they were coming they practically laughed. Their responses dripped with derision, as if the idea was truly foolish. People move on. They get married, have kids, and focus on their career. Here in West Virginia the smart ones move away to bigger & better places with more opportunities. Conversely, others romanticize high school because it was, for a variety of reasons, the pinnacle of their life. They didn’t move, didn’t progress, and don’t have much going on, which makes it easier to attend a reunion. It’s important to them because those halcyon days of youth haven’t been surpassed by anything more significant. 

Old man rant incoming…

So you’re really going to charge me $25 for a haircut and STILL prompt me for a tip?!?!?? I can remember getting a haircut for $5. Granted, that was 45 years ago and times change, but really, for a man the haircut process is rather simple & straightforward, and it hasn’t evolved much thru the decades. I’m just trying to look somewhat less ugly…I don’t need financing. 

Thru the years I have been aware of Howard Stern. I watched his movie Private Parts. I enjoyed his talk show appearances. When his radio show was first simulcast on E! I watched occasionally. Though Stern has never held a prominent place in my entertainment landscape, I am fascinated by his descent. The following is something I stumbled across online, and it summarizes his recent (rumored) woes better than I ever could:

Howard Stern didn’t stop being great because he went to satellite. He stopped being universal. The second shift came with the money. And, look, good for him. A $500 million contract? That’s the American dream. But once you’re that rich, the money changes you. And more importantly, it changes the show. Howard built his empire by fighting – station managers, executives, politicians, rival hosts. He was the underdog, the guy being censored, fined, harassed, and punished for daring to speak his mind. But once he became the highest paid broadcaster in history, there was no more fight. He had won. He didn’t have a boss anymore. He was the boss. And with no one to battle, there was no more friction, and no more fire. Suddenly, the guy who once ranted about bureaucracy, bad management, and corporate nonsense was no longer punching up. He was the system. And his show, once anarchic & unpredictable, became safe. Soft. Comfortable. Worse, it became celebrity-driven. Where once Howard roasted celebrities and cut through their fake personas, now he courted them. The guy who once ridiculed Hollywood phoniness was now sipping wine with Jimmy Kimmel and kissing up to Ellen DeGeneres. Then Trump broke his brain. If the move to Sirius dulled Stern’s edge, Trump annihilated it. The guy who made his name being the most politically incorrect man in media suddenly became a scold. A hall monitor. A voice of sanitized, elite-approved opinion. The man who used to mock everyone & everything was now in lockstep with the Manhattan elite he used to detest. And it wasn’t just Trump he turned on, it was us. The listeners. The regular, blue collar, lunch pail Americans who rode with him for decades. He didn’t merely oppose Trump politically (fine, that’s his right), he condescended to and insulted millions of people who supported him.

This isn’t groundbreaking news, but it feels necessary to put it on the record…men & women are different. Yes, I am aware that is obvious to anyone with functioning brain cells. However, I want to specify one particular way those differences manifest. Men are attracted to beauty and guided by sex, whereas women seek security & provisions. If a woman is hot…however one defines it (big breasts, juicy caboose, pretty face, etc.)…a man will be drawn to her no matter the circumstances. Poor. Harsh living conditions. Unemployed. It doesn’t matter…if she is physically attractive men will want her on some level. Conversely, a woman might be successful, wealthy, influential…but if she is ugly & unhealthy it is unlikely that men will be lining up at her door.  On the flip side, a tall, dark, and handsome man with six pack abs might draw interest from the ladies, but if he is poor, uneducated, and unable to provide those women won’t stick around long. However, a man who might not be considered conventionally attractive can make up the difference with money, a nice house, and the means to provide a comfortable lifestyle. Security is an aphrodisiac for women.