As has been the case previously when I hit “the wall” I have decided to update my loyal readers on where things stand with me and my writing. I suppose this exercise is as much a selfish, therapeutic one for me as much as a service to others.
I am not sure why I get this writer’s block on occasion. I am not sure it is even fair to call it writer’s block. I have ideas. I always have ideas. But for some reason I just cannot find the energy to put my ideas into words. This go round there seems to be a lot more going on than just a lack of desire to flex the creative muscles. I have been fighting a general malaise that is affecting my entire life. I haven’t been to church or Bible Study in a couple weeks. There is a sense of discontent with nearly everything. I have crossed the threshold from contentedly being alone to feeling lonely, if that makes any sense. I see others having fun, going places, enjoying relationships, dating, marrying, having children and I am not happy for them…I feel almost angry. I cannot have good-natured sociopolitical debates because people with whom I disagree are increasingly disgusting and foolish in my eyes. My sleep patterns…always wacky due to being a life long night owl and having a job in which I work a midnight shift…are more and more erratic. The always present feeling that I could drop off the face of the earth and very few people would give a damn or even notice has intensified to the point where I am almost purposely disengaging myself from all but necessary activities. This isn’t that difficult since my life isn’t all that exciting in the first place. My level of cynicism is at an all time high and I find myself disgusted with much of what I see, hear, and read. I have always been overweight but I am viscerally uncomfortable now. I know I eat far too much fast food and sweets. I am not ready to see a shrink or become medicated, but I recognize the need to take certain steps and make changes, beginning with my diet. Atleast that is something over which I have some control. Somewhere in the course of the past 15 years I lost direction and focus. I am not sure if I can ever get back on the right track, but I can make the effort and improve the present situation.
So the question becomes, how does any of that relate to The Manofesto?? I am not sure it does in any direct way, but there is a peripheral connection. I started this site because I have thoughts and opinions and God has blessed me with an ability to express them on some level. This has not changed. As a matter of fact, the ultimate irony is that I am at my best when the juices are flowing. Writing makes me happy. So the inability to summon the will to write because of my unhappiness only creates more unhappiness. This too is something I feel like I can control and fight through. To that end I have been pondering the future of The Manofesto. This is a fork in the road, a time to look at the original mission statement and do some…tweaking.
I do not foresee any huge changes in the current format. But I do need to be honest with myself in regards to my interests and level of passion. The 100 Favorite Movies series, which I have enjoyed immensely, is almost finished. I have decided that I like series like this and am trolling the depths of my heart & mind to see what I may do next. My level of interest in politics has…evolved. I am tempted to say it has diminished, but that isn’t quite accurate. If anything I am almost too passionate about my beliefs and this has blurred my perspective. Political discussions become too emotional for me and this is not good. I am keeping The Right Side section open for now but honestly my heart just isn’t in it at the moment. On the flip side there is The Bookshelf. I remember as a teenager and young adult I could amuse myself for hours with a good book. It was nothing for me to finish a 300+ page book in a few days. In the last few years my attention span has become so short that it takes me forever to finish a book, and I have far too many books on the shelves that I was excited to purchase at the bookstore or on Amazon but have done nothing but collect dust in my apartment. I have concluded that reigniting this passion for books and then translating that into writing about them for the blog can only have positive ramifications. Speaking of books, I am pondering taking The Manofesto into the realm of fiction. I am a big fan of Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately there is no Sherlockian Society in my local area, but I am thinking of trying my hand at writing a Holmes pastiche, i.e. some fan fiction based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle‘s legendary detective. Quite honestly this scares the heck out of me because I am not at all sure if my stories would be any good. This idea is in the very early stages of ponderance. Speaking of scary, with Halloween just around the corner I am considering an attempt at an appropriately themed ghost story. If this idea is to come about it must be done quickly, but that’s okay because it’s how I work. Writing is never the issue…it’s finding the motivation and the spark of an idea. If that spark occurs I can whip out a tale in no time. Like most writers I believe I have atleast one good book in me somewhere; I just keep hoping for some revelatory flash that leads to the creation of a great character like Holmes, Harry Potter, Huckleberry Finn, or Gandalf. And finally, we’ll still be talking about God. My current issues with church have nothing to do with God and everything to do with people and their selfish cluelessness. That may inject my writing with a bit of a world-weary edge but it does not lessen my faith. We will continue looking at The Fruits of the Spirit and The Sermon on the Mount and get into other stuff as well.
So that’s where things stand. Past experience has taught me that having these fresh ideas and writing an update such as this is a positive indication that the fog is lifting. I am guided by the thought that “this too shall pass” and it has been said that the first step in solving a problem is admitting there is a problem, which means I am heading in the right direction.