Yes West Virginia, there is a Sammy Claus. I exist as surely as chocolate, fast food, Facebook, & soap operas exist, and I know that they abound and give my life its joy & meaning. Alas! How would The Manofesto exist if there were no Sammy Claus?? It would be really dreary, like being married to a Kardashian or cheering for the 2011 Indianapolis Colts. There would be no Internet then, no high definition television, no cute puppies to make tolerable this existence. 
We would have no enjoyment, except in sleep & dreams. The eternal light with which bachelorhood fills the Manoverse would be extinguished. Not believe in Sammy Claus?? You might as well not believe in lower taxes & self-reliance!! Nobody sees Sammy Claus, but that doesn’t mean there is no Sammy Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither Stevie Wonder nor The Who’s Tommy can see. No Sammy Claus?? Thank God I live, and will live forever…or atleast hopefully for another several decades. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, my legacy shall continue to make glad the hearts of bored & lonely web surfers everywhere.
For now though, you’ll just have to settle for the 2011 edition of the Wish List. As always, I yield no authority in making these dreams a reality and just have to hope that The Jolly Old Elf himself checks it out and may see fit to provide folks with the gifts which I am suggesting for them. Enjoy…and God bless us…everyone.
Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh……….self control
Regis Philbin……………………………………..a very happy retirement
President Barack Hussein Obama………..crushing defeat in November & utter rejection by the American people of radical & destructive leftist philosophy
The Southeastern United States……………a mild 2012 hurricane & tornado season
Former Penn St. Assistant Coach
Jerry Sandusky…………………………………..very slippery soap
“Golden Voiced” Ted Williams………………continued sobriety, success, & happiness
Fans of The Kardashians……………………….better role models
Iraq…………………………………………………….peace
The Cast of Harry Potter……………………….continuing relevance & achievement without being typecast or having to resort to desperate moves like hosting a game show or doing softcore porn on Cinemax
America………………………………………………..more Jesus, less PC Godless liberalism
Heisman Winner Robert Griffin III………….a pro career more like Vinny Testaverde & Charles Woodson than Danny Wuerffel & Chris Weinke
My Family & Friends……………………………….health, serenity, & dreams that come true
Christmas Eve & Christmas Day……………….a balmy 40 degrees with lots of sunshine. White Christmas can remain just a song & a movie.
My Alter Ego…………………………………………..the genuine Christian experience I have been seeking
New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick……………………………………………a hoodie
Amazon.com…………………………………………….inspiration for an improved Kindle Fire 2
Vegas……………………………………………………….my presence in 2012!! You hear that Greg, The Owl, Sealey, & Slack??
I shall wrap up with a quote from the Rankin-Bass animated classic Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town:
“Lot’s of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn’t Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn’t a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give – of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa’s beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men.”
Related articles
- Jeff Jarvis: FTC Fines Santa Claus for Violating Children’s Privacy (huffingtonpost.com)
- Justin Bieber Never Believed In Santa Claus (inquisitr.com)
- Justin Bieber Hates Santa Claus (997now.radio.com)
- Santa Claus Invades New York (wycd.radio.com)
- The Daily Shuffle: Justin Bieber Never Believed in Santa Claus (hollywood.com)
- “How old is Santa?” (caterpickles.com)
- CHICKENFOOT Members Crank Out VAN HALEN, SAMMY HAGAR, JOE SATRIANI Classics At Mark & Brian Christmas Show (bravewords.com)
Hmmmm… the “genuine Christian experience.” I can boil all my experience-seeking success down to one simple maxim: He must increase; I must decrease. Or put another way: Less of me; more of Him. That little attitude has done more for my spiritual health than all the praise and worship, song-singing, or firebrand preaching I’ve ever heard. It means I care less and less about getting my own way, planning my own future, or pleasing myself, and more and more surrender each day to whatever God wants to bring about; a sort of “not my will, but yours” type deal. The more I yield my daily circumstances to God’s providence, the less stress, anxiety, anger, impatience, etc. I experience, and the more easily I am able to pray and know that God is near. It’s a quiet but powerful experience, full of peace and confidence. “Deny yourself” to me means denying my right to myself… my right to dictate life on my own terms. It’s still in process but at least I know this is the answer, and a little progress every day is what I pray for. I hope you find your “experience” in 2012 Sam!
I wholeheartedly agree DD!! I’ve come to realize that I have spent far too much time relying on external sources for…ohhh…motivation, inspiration, validation, and a whole host of other things with the problem being that those sources inevitably disappoint. It’s not that they are bad or evil or even intend to let me down…it’s just the nature of the beast. I need to seek a course correction and change my thought paradigm. Less anxiety & anger sounds awesome!!